I'm honestly at a standstill. I no longer know what to do. No matter how hard I try, I don't get offered jobs. Recently, I have gone on a few interviews, and I have one tomorrow, but no one wants to hire me at all. It's been almost a year since I've had work, and I don't know what else to do. Honestly, I have applied to over 1,000 jobs and no one wants me. And none of my interviews have gone well or at least helped me secure a position. The only opportunity I have available to me is a temp job that will last for about 2 months, but it hasn't started yet and I'm don't know if I can really place two months on my resume. While there may be a chance for me to be move to another practice that is affiliated with them, I'm doubtful. I no longer know what to do. I just can't take having nothing anymore. I've tried everything and no one wants me. Not even jobs for children and I have a college degree with multiple honors, recommendations from politicians and plenty of academic awards. All of my former background and so called contacts aren't able to help me nd no one is willing to give me a chance. Believe me, I've tried everything I can. I've worked so hard to get somewhere, and I got nowhere as a result. At this point, its hard to feel like anything other than a severe loser. I hate admitting that I have suicidal thoughts as I'm always trying to help others, but I do. I'm no stronger than anyone else. I'm a total fraud. And I have to admit sometimes I write things to cheer people up knowing that these positive happy thoughts can't be applied to myself and it hurts. Others will find a better tomorrow, so please don't see my post as validation that life sucks cause it can and will get better for you, but I'm doubtful it ever will for me. Simply put, I'm not good enough and lack potential like others do. I'm not going to do any rash and hurt myself as I know that's wrong, but I honestly don't see the point in sticking around sometimes. It's just a repeat of a negative on going story. Even though I know it's not the right way to feel and won't implement it, I can't help but feel how nice it would be to go to sleep without ever waking up again and dealing with the emotional pain. If I can't get a job at a minimum wage retail store, I won't get anything. Besides the finance fear, it's the sheer fact that I have nothing going on and have had nothing going for me in such a long time. I'm completely useless and I suck at everythin. I really don't have a life. And while transitioning is great, sometimes I wonder if it will only make me more of a social reject. sure, I may feel better about myself, but it gives others another reason to put me down or reject me. Let's be honest, transitioining can make it harder to fit in. And I'm tired of all the rejection, aimlessness, loneliness. I don't want to be a loser anymore. And I tried talking to my family tonight and they only got mad at me for crying. I pretty much got mocked for crying and kicked out my living room. I asked a family member for a hug and all I got was anger for asking while crying. I understand people get confused and scared when they don't know how to react and help, but christ how about a little compassion. And I don't want to bother my friends with this stuff. So, I'm sorry for getting it out here, but I don't know where to go or what to do. I just had to get it out somewhere.
P.S. Again, I don't want others here to take my grief as a sign that your life can't improve. Believe me, many of you are wonderful people with much potential and a lot to look forward to. My story is different and should not be seen as a validation for negative thoughts or beliefs. I've tried all the roads and done what I could to better myself, and the roads have all led to failure. I'm different than you so please don't use my post as validation for suicidal intentions or negative thinking.