Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I've caught myself overthinking a LOT over the last few weeks (in a single day I can convince myself that both nothing and everything is wrong with me).  What is the best way to handle overthinking so that I don't drive myself crazy?

Quote from: emschuma on December 09, 2012, 09:07:02 AM
What is the best way to handle overthinking so that I don't drive myself crazy?

Blogging has really helped me. Putting my thoughts in writing, having people comment on them, and then read them back later.

A friend and I jokingly have a word for this. We call it GIP (Gender Identity Preoccupation).

A therapist. I'm a master of over thinking. I've been doing it for over 30 years. Therapy helped me isolate the individual issues and tackle them one by one.

Quote from: agfrommd on December 09, 2012, 09:46:30 AM
A friend and I jokingly have a word for this. We call it GIP (Gender Identity Preoccupation).

That's three words :D.

One of my friends did tell me I should start a blog a few years ago... but I've never really felt inspired to write about anything.  I'll consider this,  especially if I can find a way to blog without it coming back to me in real life. 

As for therapists, I feel like I'm gradually working my way there.  I've spent a long time scared of anybody finding out, and the thought of talking with somebody in real life is still really scary to me.

Writing things down helps ... keep a diary - I used to keep a diary for a few years until I got too busy to bother with one.

Overthinking things can leave you extremely frustrated and tired so sometimes it's best to let it out either by writing, blogging, therapy or a friend are the best options or as  a last resort - keeping yourself busy,

Quote from: Alexia6 on December 09, 2012, 11:43:59 AM
Overthinking things can leave you extremely frustrated and tired

Especially when I start right before going to bed, or when waking up at 2AM... fortunately that doesn't happen too often.  I'm liking either write it down or start a blog so far, that'll give me something to bring along if / when I see a therapist.

I am pretty sure I think about being trans about 24/7. It is interesting as my therapist has indicated that he is aware of that, yet has said nothing otherwise. I am guessing it is a "normal" part of the process of processing this info and your feelings. I think blogging and/or journaling is a good way of dealing with it.

--Jay

Well, as someone that can rationally think of connections for Swiss cheese all the way to the fall of the British at Singapore, I can testify to being an overthinker.  :P

I just like to keep myself busy and just have some blind fun. I watch cartoons, sing "We Didn't Start the Fire," or just have a legitimate conversation with myself. I even use different voices.  ;D

I wish I had a sure fire method. Keeping myself busy does help. Yet, when I think about that  :o , I go "Hey, diversions and distractions is what you relied on for 30+ years to AVOID dealing with being trans". (Did I mention I can overthink things? Plus, as an engineer, it is an occupational hazard) Keeping busy only works while I am busy. Most days, as you mentioned, as soon as the head hits the pillow it is full speed ahead on thinking. Self medicating w/alcohol is not a good way to quite the demons argueing inside my head. Plus tends to send you into the negative, depressive, death spiral of thoughts.

My single biggest problem I believe rests in that I have no plan, no goal, no end game. For as many good reasons to transition, I have just as many if not more not to. Yet, I've essentially been doing part-time for about 1 1/2 years. If I was sure of a goal, there isn't a whole lot left for to think about that hasn't been thought and what-iffed to death already.

Once you have a goal, you make a plan and then work the plan. No more thinking, just doing.

Quote from: DianaP on December 10, 2012, 06:28:40 PM
I just like to keep myself busy and just have some blind fun. I watch cartoons, sing "We Didn't Start the Fire," or just have a legitimate conversation with myself. I even use different voices.  ;D

There is a lot of stuff on Netflix that I want to watch... Different voices for your conversations seems necessary... just don't get into an argument and force one of your voices to sleep on the couch!

Quote from: JoanneB on December 10, 2012, 07:11:28 PM
I wish I had a sure fire method. Keeping myself busy does help. Yet, when I think about that  :o , I go "Hey, diversions and distractions is what you relied on for 30+ years to AVOID dealing with being trans". (Did I mention I can overthink things? Plus, as an engineer, it is an occupational hazard) Keeping busy only works while I am busy. Most days, as you mentioned, as soon as the head hits the pillow it is full speed ahead on thinking.

I'm a programmer, so I went to college to learn how to think.  Both overthinking and avoiding problems seem bad, so maybe I should try to keep busy to clear my mind and then revisit my thoughts when I can think clearer.

I'm thinking of starting a scrapbook/diary of stuff I think/find that reflects aspects of how I feel. If nothing else, it'll be a good excuse to collect pictures of men I simultaneously fancy and want to be...  :-\  :laugh:

Joanne, good point about having a goal. I think as I have gotten closer to actually doing something-- the overthinking (or at least anxiety) goes away-- mostly.

DTS, good idea, but don't forget to put a picture of yourself in there!


--Jay

I sometimes like to turn my excessive thought process into a game. I imagine a game show in my head called, "Find! That! Connection!!!!"

The rules work like this. Take any two objects and see how you can connect them. The more convoluted the connection, the better.

For example, DTS, I'll take "scrapbook" and connect it to "bacon."


Here's a mediocre connection:
Scrapbook--> Collection of images--> Museum--> Louvre--> Solar-powered stone age clock--> Main material is rock--> Sidewalk gets heated by sun--> A funny way to depict heat is to cook eggs on the sidewalk--> Eggs are a common breakfast amenity that often accompanies, you guessed it, bacon.

Quote from: aleon515 on December 10, 2012, 09:46:01 PM
Joanne, good point about having a goal. I think as I have gotten closer to actually doing something-- the overthinking (or at least anxiety) goes away-- mostly.

DTS, good idea, but don't forget to put a picture of yourself in there!


--Jay

Heheh, I'd love to, but even with the pretty good job I did of using make-up to look manly, I still don't look like I want to.

Quote from: JoanneB on December 10, 2012, 07:11:28 PM
(Did I mention I can overthink things? Plus, as an engineer, it is an occupational hazard)

I'm in the same boat. I've been working on my design plan for years. I'm starting to think I'll never finish it and move on to development.

Quote from: JoanneB on December 10, 2012, 07:11:28 PM
Most days, as you mentioned, as soon as the head hits the pillow it is full speed ahead on thinking.

The dream of getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night is in my head too. I spend probably 2 hours a night mulling over things in my mind when I should be sleeping. Then, since I'm not sleeping, I get up and hop on the computer for another hour.

Well, I sat down with a notebook about an hour and a half ago meaning to bullet-point out my thoughts.  I was expecting to only take up a few lines, but my third bullet-point turned into the rest of the page!  Hopefully that's a good start :).

Quote from: emschuma on December 11, 2012, 08:22:00 AM
Well, I sat down with a notebook about an hour and a half ago meaning to bullet-point out my thoughts.  I was expecting to only take up a few lines, but my third bullet-point turned into the rest of the page!  Hopefully that's a good start :).

Yeah sounds like stuff I do.

--Jay

Quote from: emschuma on December 09, 2012, 11:04:06 AM

As for therapists, I feel like I'm gradually working my way there.  I've spent a long time scared of anybody finding out, and the thought of talking with somebody in real life is still really scary to me.

I totally know how you feel! But trust me, a therapist is truly a game changer. My therapist has helped me so much I don't even know where to begin. A good therapist will definitely help. Plus, talking to a therapist is not only helpful but they can also provide you with your letter to get legit HRT (and if you're thinking about SRS you'll also need letters).

I don't know if this helps but one thing my therapist suggested is that any time I'm overthinking something, stop and determine on a scale from 1-10 how serious the problem/issue/thought is. You'll be surprised how often you realize what you think is a 10 is really just a 2.

Quote from: DianaP on December 10, 2012, 09:55:41 PM
I sometimes like to turn my excessive thought process into a game. I imagine a game show in my head called, "Find! That! Connection!!!!"

The rules work like this. Take any two objects and see how you can connect them. The more convoluted the connection, the better.

For example, DTS, I'll take "scrapbook" and connect it to "bacon."


Here's a mediocre connection:
Scrapbook--> Collection of images--> Museum--> Louvre--> Solar-powered stone age clock--> Main material is rock--> Sidewalk gets heated by sun--> A funny way to depict heat is to cook eggs on the sidewalk--> Eggs are a common breakfast amenity that often accompanies, you guessed it, bacon.

This reminds me of when my friends would pick a random Wikipedia article and then race to reach "Batman Beyond" by following links in the page.

Quote from: emschuma on December 11, 2012, 10:25:11 PM
This reminds me of when my friends would pick a random Wikipedia article and then race to reach "Batman Beyond" by following links in the page.

That sounds so fun!!  :D

Quote from: Michelle Stone on December 11, 2012, 06:14:36 PM
I don't know if this helps but one thing my therapist suggested is that any time I'm overthinking something, stop and determine on a scale from 1-10 how serious the problem/issue/thought is. You'll be surprised how often you realize what you think is a 10 is really just a 2.

I'll try to remember this next time, it's worth a shot (Even if you did just ruin the surprise :P)

Quote from: JoanneB on December 10, 2012, 07:11:28 PM
Once you have a goal, you make a plan and then work the plan. No more thinking, just doing.

I realized that I'm just going to keep making excuses, so here's the plan:  My insurance changes in January, so I'm already planning on calling doctors and giving them my new information.  I'll add "therapist" to my list of places to call and take care of it at the same time.

I haven't been able to think of anything, I used to play a lot of games to just get rid the thoughts, but recently as soon as I stopped playing, I started to think about it again...

Now I write, I tried to get out of the closet using a project... once, I got a 4 out of it but I think I was a little too subtle about it... So yeah now I write... mainly but I always write, any kind of creativity should help. It demands that you use your imagination...

In what my opinion, you can deal it in three ways.

The usual way: Getting too busy with other things so that you don't have time to overthink. There have been lots of examples already on this thread. In my little experience, this is just trying to repress thoughts, pushing them into deeper and deeper levels of conscience, hoping that they stay buried and don't pop out again.

This will not work. Ever.

But sadly, in this age, we tend to be educated to believe that it works.

The "wishful thinking way": these are a lot of techniques born from the New Age era, when people were convinced that they could "think positive thoughts" to drive "bad thoughts" away. While there are gazillions of methods of self-help who are vaguely reminiscent of self-hypnotism, they have little or no result. In effect, you will be trying to train your mind to think different kinds of thoughts, suppressing the ones you consider "bad". This just leads to stress, specially when one hopes to get quick results (which is hardly ever the case).

While some people publicly report that they have achieved some results with "positive thinking" and its self-help derivatives, to the extent that there are now fields of psychology actively researching this area, I would certainly recommend some caution in applying those methods. If they come from a registered therapist who has been given extensive training in some scientific, peer-reviewed method, then, well, I'd say, go ahead and try. If it's something out of a book bought at a supermarket or an airport, give it a miss.

A typical example: the people behind the incredibly popular The Secret which Oprah so much adores have cooked-up a method, being used by millions, who allegedly turns everyone following that method into better persons, and they claim that millions have done so. Ironically, the owners to the copyrights on the book and its methods are fighting ugly legal battles in order to make more money, going head over heels about their lawsuits. I imagine that anyone finding "a secret" to have a happy life by changing their mindset with happy, positive thoughts would care little about fighting judicial battles in court... so, well, let's be honest and examine what the people designing those methods are really like, behind their smiling façades and apparently "perfect" life.

The third way: observe the many thoughts carefully. Where do they sprout from? Where do they go once they disappear from your mind? Why do some thoughts come over and over again and cause pain and anxiety? This method is not easy, because it forces us to deal with our own thoughts directly, instead of avoiding them. But instead of repressing thoughts, or forcing ourselves to fill our minds with new thoughts, this method just relies on observing the thoughts very carefully and see where they come from. You might wonder how this helps in any way. Well, I'm not suited to explain the technique well; you need a qualified teacher for that, and one that you can very carefully observe if they apply the technique to themselves as well (i.e. are they balanced, happy, functional people?). The major problem with this technique is that it takes a lot of time to master, and, in these days, we have little patience and demand immediate results. The major advantage is that if you're willing to give it a try, and have a good, experienced teacher, it will work well, and has worked for billions of humans in the past 2,600 years :) Qualified teachers of this technique are also readily available these days pretty much everywhere and the technique is usually free to learn, but, since it takes so long, most people give up before they see any results. Which is naturally a pity!

Therapists are able to use a few variants which produce results in a shorter time, e.g. 2-3 years, but after a few months you should feel a bit better about your "overthinking". Gestalt psychology and therapy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gestalt_psychology) produce rather good results in that time frame, by essentially teaching patients to recognise their own thoughts, their causes, and apply antidotes. You might continue to "overthink" but not feel so affected by it (i.e. no stress, anxiety, frustration, and so forth, from the "overthinking" process). Now I'm not a psychologist, so I can't explain how this works, but I would most certainly encourage you to talk to one and strictly follow their methods. I'm also not familiar to the actual training, although it's rather similar to what I'm used to do, just with a Western twist in terms of nomenclature and explanations :)

In my experience, Gestalt works rather well for those willing to apply it, and the "bad examples" of people who didn't see any effects is also because they gave up too soon and didn't follow the therapy to its conclusion.

Use your overthinking to an advantage. I embrace mine. It allows me to keep any conversation going for hours since I never run out of things to say. Don't get rid of your overthinking, utilize it.

Quote from: Sandra M. Lopes on December 21, 2012, 02:15:55 PM
In what my opinion, you can deal it in three ways.

Lots to take in here, and it'll deserve a re-read soon.

Quote from: Sandra M. Lopes on December 21, 2012, 02:15:55 PM
Getting too busy with other things so that you don't have time to overthink.

I've avoided gender identity issues for the 12 or so years that I've been aware of them, so I'm ready for a different approach.  Distractions may be nice but I eventually get good enough at some things to continue without needing to think about it.  This frees up my brain for other things...

Quote from: Sandra M. Lopes on December 21, 2012, 02:15:55 PM
The "wishful thinking way": these are a lot of techniques born from the New Age era, when people were convinced that they could "think positive thoughts" to drive "bad thoughts" away.

I haven't done much wishful thinking lately, but in high school I was hopeful that I would wake up and finally be a girl (even if it was just for an hour), and then I'd finally be free of these thoughts!  Too bad that never happened...

Quote from: Sandra M. Lopes on December 21, 2012, 02:15:55 PM
The third way: observe the many thoughts carefully. Where do they sprout from? Where do they go once they disappear from your mind? Why do some thoughts come over and over again and cause pain and anxiety? This method is not easy, because it forces us to deal with our own thoughts directly, instead of avoiding them.

This sounds the healthiest out of everything.  I'll read about the Gestalt thing, thanks for the link!

Quote from: DianaP on December 21, 2012, 03:23:53 PM
Use your overthinking to an advantage. I embrace mine. It allows me to keep any conversation going for hours since I never run out of things to say. Don't get rid of your overthinking, utilize it.

This was actually the first time I've spent days focused on a single issue.  It seems to have calmed down a bit since I've started the journaling technique suggested by somebody earlier.  I think people would be a bit suspicious if I went from "really quiet" to "won't stop talking" :P

Trans definitely follows me around. I'm not sure that it bothers me at this point, but I am aware of it. It also follows me in my dreams (night ones I mean). I will wake up and I don't even recall what I dreamt and think. "That was a trans dream".

--Jay