Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm a M t F and I don't feel the need to have the reasignment surgery or take hormones. I'm blessed with a hyper feminine face so the only thing I would have to do is get my thick facial hair removed and thin my eyebrows. I'm also going to get small breast implants. I've already have moderate natural gynocomastia.   

I don't think that my genitals are anyone's business but my own. I only care about how my body and face look. If I look like a beautiful woman then I'm happy.

I am not doing anything at present. not planning anything either

I plan to begin HRT soon, but I have no plans for SRS. I'm mtf and I think fat removal, hair removal, and maybe ffs would be more important for now.

I dont hate my lower parts, so why remove them?

I'm on HRT but have no plans for SRS - I can't plan for it really, medical reasons prevent it. Not the biggest thing on my need to to list anyway..

I am on HRT, and have no intentions of having surgery.  I know who I am,  for the most part, am happy and content in that knowledge.

I am 71 years old, have had radiation to kill prostate cancer and the stuff just doesn't function now.  Also the cost of such procedures, at my age, is an unnecessary expenditure. 

As I said, I know who I am, and physical appearance doesn't make me less of a woman.  These are my feelings and thoughts, and I'm stuck with them

Bobbi

Quote from: Rena on January 09, 2014, 11:30:57 PM
I'm a M t F and I don't feel the need to have the reasignment surgery or take hormones. I'm blessed with a hyper feminine face so the only thing I would have to do is get my thick facial hair removed and thin my eyebrows. I'm also going to get small breast implants. I've already have moderate natural gynocomastia.   

I don't think that my genitals are anyone's business but my own. I only care about how my body and face look. If I look like a beautiful woman then I'm happy.

...
What's your age then? Because a hyperfeminine face *can* masculinicise over the years....same for your body...not to mention going bald, since your description about your thick facial hair sounds like you have a 'good testosterone production'.

I started my journey on herbs year ago and just started my hrt 2 days ago .I am lucky married 50 year old that my wife right there with me .Me ,my wife and my doctor on same page that at my age have bits below worked on is not need to feel complete and negatives stuff involved with bits below stuff is not worth the risk . To me mental i will fine with that out come for rest of my life . I have already have had female big o with my breast and that to me is mind blowing (never had 20 min orgasm and im not going back) . Us girls that feel that way are rare but that just makes more special  ,People will only see happy sara and not whats in my pants .. Let the journey BEGIN ...

I'm going to do HRT, when I can, but I won't SRT due to how expensive it is and I'm afraid of surgery....otherwise I think I would.

I've been On/Off HRT many times over the decades and am currently on them with no plans to stop. There definitely is a need for me to stay on that I am made well aware of when I get into my "WTF am I doing???" phases and tried to stop or taper down.

SRS never was a priority for me, still is not. My philosophy is the last thing I need to worry about is a panty check. SRS is not going to change the fact that I am 6 ft tall, big boned, big hands & feet, balding, and deep voiced.

GCS is very low on my list of priorities. I suppose if I managed to get it covered by insurance and could find a doctor willing to do it regardless of my many other medical problems I might consider it. I doubt I would live through recovery, however, so at this point in time I don't think it's worth it for me to do. In an ideal world I wouldn't have heart and lung problems, but when I have an electrophysiologist and a cardiologist both telling me that the surgery would almost certainly kill me, I think it's best I not do it (frankly, I'm lucky to even be on HRT according to them).

I'm rather feminine, minus my massive nose that's frequently mistaken for an airstrip, so FFS isn't that important to me either. The nose being fixed from being shattered 16 years ago would be nice, and might become a medical necessity due to my increasing inability to breathe through it. If I could get them to take it down a bit at the same time, well, I think it would be worth it.

I'm not far enough along in my understanding to know what I'm eventually going to do, but I am going to stay married and can't imagine going through SRS. I'm not unhappy about what's down there.

Other than that, the body I see with my mind's eye in the mirror is a female body, and I will try and make the changes needed to make my body match what *I* can already see, but I don't know yet what that is going to require.

Tonight I came to the conclusion that if my hormone imbalance can be regulated with the HRT, I will not go through with the surgery.  If the surgery is needed, however, I will do it.

Something happened tonight.  I just stopped hating the penis.  It was weird, almost surreal.  I tried on a new dress/outfit, seen the manhood showing, and didn't care.  I have been doing a lot to soften up the last few months.  I started seeing myself more as a ">-bleeped-<" than anything else the last few weeks...and how can I be a ">-bleeped-<" if I remove the "male" part of the ">-bleeped-<?"  It was weird, like a switch just flipped.

The whole point of this was to improve my health, not because I needed to change my "gender."  As an adrogynous "pangender" (new word I learned of) it isn't a matter of being male or female because I view myself both but neither/all but none.  I know that is hard for some of the more gender-binary people to wrap their head around but  there are days I feel like going out in dresses, and lately there have been days where I want to go out in pants and longcoats again.  I think what caused me to have a breakdown a few months ago in the "man clothes" was the fact I wanted to dress like a female but only had man clothes at the time.  Now that I want a few more "guy" days out I don't have the man clothes anymore and feel the same stress creeping in.  I need to find something more "male" like but not be too heavy...perhaps a homosexual male line of clothing?  I am not going to let it get to that point this time and I am hitting the stores tomorrow to get some more guy clothes back.

I'm not confused: I haven't been thinking this clear in years.

That being said, there is no need saving up for 2 years and going under the knife for 8-9 hours if I don't have to.  I can use that money for clothes, makeup, laser hair removal, and a vasectomy (as I don't want any more kids.)   If I am to roll around the gender wheel I need to have the tools to do so.

I caught myself saying earlier: I like being a "guy" some days, a "girl" other days, and sometimes I like to straddle the line.  One person called me "trigender" but god...another label?  If the HRT softens my features and enlarges the breasts, I can play to those some days when I want to be more fem, and on the days I want to go out as a "guy" I can still do so by strapping back "the girls" and wearing a shirt that hides them.  I don't think they are going to get too big/unmanageable on HRT.  I always have been a very expressive (and somewhat mischeveous) person and the though of locking myself out of being able to look like any gender...male, female, androgynous...depressing. What could be more "androgynous" (for me) than being a ">-bleeped-<?"

I have been in a muddle the last few months, and now I know why.  I dismissed it as the stress of the transition but I am not stressing that...I was just lost in all the termonology, like I tend to do sometimes.  One of the curses of being a wordsmith: in order to master words, I tend to put a lot of value on them that most people do not.

So now I have to get the clothes for Evan, now that I have let Evelyn find herself.  This is going to be fun methinks.  Time to bring out the longcoat again...I knew I kept it for a reason!

I do, however, think I am going to have to find some male platform shoes/boots as flats just hurt.

I don't know if in future I will have surgery.  For now, no.  These powerful female hormones are incredible.

Micronized progesterone and estradiol valerate, both sublingually, every day has given me MEASURABLE fantastic results just 6 weeks in:

--- Nipples that are erect 24/7 they never go down.

--- White bumps all over the nipples are aerolas.

--- My nipples look fully ready for a baby nurse on them.

--- Rounder breasts, not square anymore.  Feminine.

--- Not a lot bigger yet, but a little bigger breasts.

--- My breasts are big enough now, that combined with my always protruding nipples, make my erect nipples obvious 24 hours a day when my shirt is pulled tight against my chest.

--- I am 56 years old.  Not totally old, but not young, either.  Amazing results so far for my age, I think.  Wow am I happy.

--- I rarely get erections now.  This happened about week 4.  No problem!

--- My facial skin acne nearly totally disappeared just 3 weeks in.

--- My former body odor problem was GONE just 3 weeks in.  I have almost no body odor now.  Testosterone was to blame for this I think.  Problem solved already!

--- My hair on my head is softer, and of higher quality.  I don't want to get a haircut now, so I just letting my hair grow freely now.  This is a strong psychological change I wasn't expecting.

--- Emotionally I feel like I can deal with even severe work or relationship issues calmly.  Wow this mental change is astounding.  I am SO surprised!

This is wonderful.  I want to continue this forever with the hormones.

:)

I didn't hate my male life.  I still present as mostly a male most of the time for work etc.  I always have my toenails painted bright beautiful red and I this to continue forever.

I may need to go in for a professional bra fitting soon.  Don't know exactly when...but if I continue to develop, push-ups bras won't be necessary anymore.

Johanna.

Quote from: Ev on May 10, 2014, 04:46:26 AM
The whole point of this was to improve my health, not because I needed to change my "gender.

I can relate.  The past month or so, I've been feeling calmer and more composed (though I still have constant anxiety, but I don't fancy going back on beta blockers).  I don't think it's a coincidence that I've been feeling that way while on finasteride.  Obviously, I'd like some clarification on what exactly's going on in my endocrine system and determine exactly what my brain needs.  As it stands, it's far easier to cope with the downs (including bouts of rage from lack of sleep and the sadness from experiencing the ending to Burial at Sea: Episode 2).

I'd consider a course of low dose estrogens and make use of therapy to see to other issues and if those don't have any desired effects or it turns out I don't need it, I'm okay with that.

Quote from: Ev on May 10, 2014, 04:46:26 AM
I'm not confused: I haven't been thinking this clear in years.

Quote from: Ev on May 10, 2014, 04:46:26 AM
I caught myself saying earlier: I like being a "guy" some days, a "girl" other days, and sometimes I like to straddle the line.

I've been experiencing this too.  Although I like the idea of presenting as very masculine/feminine/somewhere in between, my identity has settled down a bit.  I'm male regardless of how I (want to) dress and I'm okay with that.  I'd like to adopt some feminine facial features and if I can't for whatever reason (without having horribly invasive surgery), I'm fine with that.

This simplifies things for me considerably.

Hi Rena,

I am currently on HRT but due to personal and medical reasons I am a non-operative trans-woman. The main reason I'm on HRT is that I can grow my own breasts as implants are not an option for me. I've been on estradiol and spirolactone for almost 2 years and just recently I was put on micronized progesterone. I've been on a relatively lower dose of estradiol and spirolactone as compared to other trans-women. In two years I've had enough breast growth to achieve A-cups. By the end of the progesterone treatment they should round out to B-cups. There are five main reasons whey I'm non-operative:


1. fear of surgery, 2. not responding well to anesthesia (high chance I could die from the anesthesia, genetic on my dad's side), 3. Cost, 4. Not willing to take time off from work for implant or SRS recovery, 5. Not willing to dilate for the rest of my life. Maybe if it was only 1-2 reasons maybe I'd still have the reassignment surgery but I just don't see a need for it. I am very passable for a trans-woman of 31 years. I only found out I was trans when I was 28. The pic in my avatar is only 3 or 4 months old.


My roommate is also transgender. She is currently on HRT and is a pre-op. She fully doesn't understand why I choose to remain a non-op, but as a friend she respects my decision. My parents don't understand why I'm a non-op either, not that they support my transition. 

Quote from: Cute Ida on August 01, 2014, 07:31:21 PM
Hi Rena,

I am currently on HRT but due to personal and medical reasons I am a non-operative trans-woman. The main reason I'm on HRT is that I can grow my own breasts as implants are not an option for me. I've been on estradiol and spirolactone for almost 2 years and just recently I was put on micronized progesterone. I've been on a relatively lower dose of estradiol and spirolactone as compared to other trans-women. In two years I've had enough breast growth to achieve A-cups. By the end of the progesterone treatment they should round out to B-cups. There are five main reasons whey I'm non-operative:


1. fear of surgery, 2. not responding well to anesthesia (high chance I could die from the anesthesia, genetic on my dad's side), 3. Cost, 4. Not willing to take time off from work for implant or SRS recovery, 5. Not willing to dilate for the rest of my life. Maybe if it was only 1-2 reasons maybe I'd still have the reassignment surgery but I just don't see a need for it. I am very passable for a trans-woman of 31 years. I only found out I was trans when I was 28. The pic in my avatar is only 3 or 4 months old.


My roommate is also transgender. She is currently on HRT and is a pre-op. She fully doesn't understand why I choose to remain a non-op, but as a friend she respects my decision. My parents don't understand why I'm a non-op either, not that they support my transition.

A warm hug to you Ida,

Micronized progesterone...wow am I ever happy to hear you are on that now...

My dear, you will NOT regret it!

For me, this form of progesterone has made have constant euphoric happiness, great and big and erect nipples, and just in the last week, the start of small, yes small, but with a great foundation base to build more on, female breasts.

Congratulations on this!!!

Johanna.

I was very interested in knowing why some transsexuals are non operative. Sorry I am a very curious person, but in one way or another I can relate to you ladies. I've been on HRT for eight years, since the age of fourteen, and my biggest fear is detransitioning. I'm scared of my hormones not working anymore, or having them taken away. I'm not going to have my dad forever. If I stop them I will go through male puberty. The only way to be female forever is SRS. I am happy some of us can live the way they are, because it is a tough journey. God bless you all! :)

For me, it came with the realization that I can pass without HRT or SRS.  That's all I really want: to be perceived as the femme that I really am.  Well, also Wife requested that I not do either of those two things.  :)  Haven't quite mustered up the courage to actually do some crossdressing yet, even at the house.

Perfectly fine with me. 

Besides, HRT significantly increases the risk of cardiovascular issues (esp. CLOTS!); and, good lord, a surgery?  I'll pass! :D


Toodles from TN,
Ales

Quote from: Alesium on August 12, 2014, 01:26:31 PM
Besides, HRT significantly increases the risk of cardiovascular issues (esp. CLOTS!); and, good lord, a surgery?  I'll pass! :D


Toodles from TN,
Ales

Modern, bio-identical hormones are far, far less of an issue - and those I know that have had a problem, all had ither issues. Looks after your general health and it isn't an issue at all.

Quote from: kelly_aus on August 12, 2014, 04:00:40 PM
Modern, bio-identical hormones are far, far less of an issue - and those I know that have had a problem, all had ither issues. Looks after your general health and it isn't an issue at all.

"Modern, bio-identicals..."  Yayayayayay!

The path of the present and future.  I take estradiol valerate and micronized progesterone.  These, and comparable bio-identicals, are the BEST way to go, for absolute sure...for a bunch of reasons.

Johanna.

Quote from: Jaz650 on August 11, 2014, 10:07:14 AMI was very interested in knowing why some transsexuals are non operative.

Hi Jaz,

I am on HRT, but am planning on remaining non-op indefinitely.  I have a few reasons for this.  In order:

[1]  I have become comfortable being me.  HRT has given me that.  Why change something that is working ?
[2]  Cost  -  FFS or SRS would almost certainly end my marriage 
[3]  Fear of surgery  -  Specifically fear that I would have permanent nerve damage after surgery 
[4]  Really do NOT want to endure the recovery periods 
[5]  Do not wish to have to dilate for the rest of my life 

I am not taking HRT because I want to become physically female, I am taking HRT so that I can enjoy my life.  The measures I am taking to improve how I cope are working, so why change them ?   My life is really good just now.  I have finally become comfortable being me.  I am not entirely male & a long way from female.  I am just trans, and that is OK. 

I very much wish to remain married.  My wife & I are still very much in love with each other, even with all we have had to deal with over the past 13 years (my transition being just one of many things that have challenged our marriage).  I am trying to change as little as possible while also changing as much as I need.  It is a delicate balance. 

If I had been able to admit to myself that I was trans when I was your age, or even up to the age of 30, then I would probably have been seeking SRS.  Much of my dysphoria over the years has been due to the bulge between my legs which would cause lots of pain if I tried to wear the pants I really wanted to wear.  I am a bit older now (45), and have become better at accepting compromise.  HRT has removed my depression & most of my dysphoria.  It is unlikely that I will ever stop taking it unless medically required to do so. 

I recently needed emergency surgery for a hernia that strangulated & became necrotic.  While that surgery was serious & invasive, it was mild by compasiron to SRS or FFS.  It is not even 3 weeks since my surgery, & I am already quite fed up with all the restrictions I have (eg: lift no more than 10lbs), and I do not like the mild numbness in my right thigh.  I am expected to be fully recovered with at most only mild nerve damage two months after my surgery.  SRS or FFS require a much longer recovery period, with a much larger possibility of nerve damage. 

As for dilation: Well, I am a lazy person. 

I do not say that I definitely will not seek SRS, FFS, or any other trans surgery.  Just that I have no intention at this moment of attempting to do so.  Life brings change, and I cannot say how I will feel next year or the year after (or even tomorrow).  But much change would be needed for my opinion on surgery to change.

Hope this helps,

Tessa

I'm kinda like you as I have a lot of feminine characteristics but something in me just wants more........I am going to start electrolisys on my face soon, and minor plastic surgery.

I am ftm and I'm 100 % sure that I need to have top surgery. I don't want bottom surgery, and I don't really know about going on hormones. It would be nice to look more manly, of course, but right now I just don't really feel the need to start.

Quote from: TessaMarie on August 16, 2014, 03:37:21 PM
I am on HRT, but am planning on remaining non-op indefinitely.  I have a few reasons for this.  In order:

[1]  I have become comfortable being me.  HRT has given me that.  Why change something that is working ?
[2]  Cost  -  FFS or SRS would almost certainly end my marriage 
[3]  Fear of surgery  -  Specifically fear that I would have permanent nerve damage after surgery 
[4]  Really do NOT want to endure the recovery periods 
[5]  Do not wish to have to dilate for the rest of my life 

#3 and #5 are what scare me. #2 maybe. What if you're in a situation where you can't dilate, eg you get into a car accident or something. I know, it would be the least of my worries, but it's something to think about.

I've also heard a few horror stories including one where a botched SRS led to permanently living with a colostomy...

I want to do it eventually, but it scares me.

no not at this time i have Developmental Disabilities an for i have no job an no way to pay for it i an sad about it

I am a transwoman and have been on HRT for over a month but I don't want the operation. I am still envious of those that have it done but I just couldn't go through with it. It is too much to handle. I am just hoping that life with my current parts won't be so bad. As long as I have an understanding partner. I could never penetrate someone else ever, so I have no use for my parts apart from my own pleasure really. I don't know if anyone else feels like this? xxx

To add to this, I suppose I am not 100% non-op, I am just too much of a coward to go through with it. I don't have severe dysphoria over my genitals either so It wouldn't be a serious problem. I still get jealous of genetic women though. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with one, just simply because I would get too depressed over their body. It would be easier to be with a non-op transwoman or possibly a guy, although I am not attracted to men. Sorry for rambling xxx

I am  soon to be a transitioning MTF and absolutely going to start HRT once I see my Doctor for my visit in 3 weeks ( UGH TOO LONG >~<) and want to feminize my body as much as possible from it.  However i will NOT be doing any SRS, I'm way too scared of the thought process that involves with the surgery.  Just even talking about it causes my loins to shake and I even watched a few videos detailing it... my crotch literally ached for a few hours >~<.  It's just not for me, despite the idea that perhaps I'd be very comfortable with having the opposite sex organ down there. 

I feel it's too painful and not confident that it would even work out, with too many horror stories about mess ups, or not having much pleasure down there (I'm a very sexual person) or just any possible results from having it done.  Not knocking those who opt for getting it, more power to you Men and Women!  I just feel too afraid of the "what if" scenarios for what personally is a small payoff, where as HRT would be a HUGE payoff if it indeed changes me body somewhat to how I hope it does.

Over 7 months on HRT. I go back and forth between SRS and not. There are just so many factors:

1. Cost - Too damn expensive
2. Fearful of surgery
3. Fear of possible loss of orgasms (which may/may not be a myth)
4. Possible regrets
5. Tons of maintenance is involved in doing that surgery
6. MAY still wants children and I don't want to bank yet

I go back and forth all the time. I am at least dead set on an orchiectomy, but the problem with that is that you supposedly can't do SRS or it is not recommended to have that surgery if you plan on SRS. But I'm not too worried right now because that surgery is such a long way off if it does ever happen. I imagine probably in my late 30s I'll think about it more significantly.

I had my SRS date set for around 2 years on HRT. Then I missed the deadline to send in my deposit and rescheduled- not really thinking about it.

Then I decided that wouldn't be a good time either. Followed by feelings of why I kept it so low on the priority list?

The clear answer to me was that I don't really mind not having the surgery, at all. I don't have any severe genital dysphoria, and I'm happier than ever where I am now with a wonderful sense of completion. Dysphoria is gone from my life, so why should I feel the need to change my body further?

I am happy being non op for the indiscernible future. Apparently I'm really happy about it, too. I am also very glad I didn't force myself into it just because it seemed like the next step in transition based on the traditional "trans narrative". Not that I think I would have regretted, there just wasn't much point for me other than to try something new. Maybe 2, 5, or 10 years down the line my feelings will change and I'll reconsider, but for the time being I'm not even thinking about it. It is time to enjoy life to the fullest.

Right now Im not planning on HRT or SRS. The primary reason of avoiding HRT is that I don't want to take any chance of diminishing my ability to have erections. Still not sure if I ever want to get breasts. I'll think about it when it's a financial option. For now I'm only focusing on beard removal.

Hi Rachel, I have a friend in exactly the same position. She seems very happy in her relationship, but she has been worried about the same thing with starting HRT.

Speaking from experience- the endo I go to (Dr. O'Dea) seems to be really good at keeping sex drive up. Nothing has changed for me other than I now have peas instead of grapes- TMI? Sorry :P I have just as much sex drive as before, it's just a little different because it doesn't "nag". O'Dea uses pellets, so treatments can be spaced by 4-6 months. A lot of people fly to him to have treatment, even from different countries. The problem for my friend is that she can't afford it because he doesn't accept insurance.

Anyway just thought I'd throw that out there.

Hi Rena & Rachel;
Yes this is an interesting question. I have now been on a moderate  dose of HRT (Oestrogen only) for a little over 2 years - Progynova and although I have been keen on getting on Prometrium (Micronized Progesterone) my Doctor cannot/will not prescribe it Nor does he offer Pellet implants. This being said though I have had moderate growth to my  breasts (44B) and about 1.5" added projection on my buttocks. Obviously I have had al the other benefits, softer skin, no body odour, permanently erect nipples, large aureola etc,  My sex drive is definitely different and for me any Orgasm I have is definitely a whole body experience, but also not something that is driving me all day.  As time goes on though and as I seem to pretty much pass most of the time (I have had extensive IPL /Laser and Electrolysis, I seem to be less and less interested in full SRS and al my girlfriends reckon FFS is unnecessary. So at my age, SRS is pretty much off the plan. However especially following Jenny's incredible results from Dr Hughes and my research on other  surgeons, I am seriously considering the Brazilian Butt Lift with Liposuction and fat transfer from my abdomen,  waist, and   back and adding additional curves to my buttocks and hips.  I am also seriously considering Breast Augmentation, with a probably target of D Cup or probably DD which I think will help my frame better.
I reckon with  decent curves  both up top and with a decent size booty with a more natural S curve to my back definition and a small waist, something I have wanted for years I am not sure I will need SRS as I don't have the racing Penis dysphoria that I know drives others. Especially as following 2 years + HRT  I am now very tiny below (As Jenny puts it aptly small grape size!)

Thanks all for sharing.  I am just on Spiro at the moment and contemplating HRT and bottom surgery.  I think I have some of the same considerations already expressed by others...

Con

• The impact to my relationship with my wife. Erections and/or having a physical lesbian relationship.
• Simply not ready to be "out" - the fear is as bad as the dysphoria

Pros

• It just feels good when I put the fear aside

I am working with a Gender Therapist to understand what the right thing is for me.  My narrative does not feel like the "standard" and I want to be inspired by the path of others, but not influenced. 

Clara

I'm figuring out how to deal with the dysphoria.

Currently i'm looking into manga drawing, computer science, communitywork revolving games, befriending lesbians and activists  :D and small things really
girly shirts
might revert to skinny jeans
I love cooking and a cook is genderless ;D
should really full body shave
might apply some mascara from time to time because my lashes are already so long, put them in the light
therapy

For the same reason I don't have tattoos/piercings I will most probably not go for surgery but I might just get my ears pierced just cause  ::)

i'm not sure whether it will be sufficient though. I think it won't stop with just accepting the transgender label, whilst it frees me I haven't been using any drugs anymore since realizing it and i'm going to stop smoking tommorow.

Value my time again, get a beauty sleep pattern  going ;)

it's like subconciously accepting... it feels i'm bettering myself to go on HRT but that depends how much of a change being in the other role for a whole year is.

i'd love the hormones nontheless but mustering the courage to full transition is a bit much for my young mind to be able to handle at the moment.

Then again I doubt being rational will be sufficient with the experience of this emotional intensity.

i'm sure i'll value the journey
Time shall tell  :)

I have a lot of health issues hbp,asthma copd from asthmatic broch.never smoked a day in my life.So I am afraid to try hormones.So for me I am going to just wear what I feel comfortable with whether its a dress cute tops&shorts.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I437Z using Tapatalk

Quote from: Rena on January 09, 2014, 11:30:57 PM
I'm a M t F and I don't feel the need to have the reasignment surgery or take hormones. I'm blessed with a hyper feminine face so the only thing I would have to do is get my thick facial hair removed and thin my eyebrows. I'm also going to get small breast implants. I've already have moderate natural gynocomastia.   

I don't think that my genitals are anyone's business but my own. I only care about how my body and face look. If I look like a beautiful woman then I'm happy.

Good for you! Some of us get lucky. Some of us get BORN the gender they want to be.

Mostly what impedes the SRS and HRT for me is that I'm 67 and have been me all my life. I don't want to "become somebody else." I look male, heavy beard, moderately heavy body hair (although thinning in our later years, legs look shaved when they're not).

I don't want to transition into becoming some sort of new identity, no name changes -- George Sand is a female author, George works. Mostly "Mahu" -- Hawaiian culture for "middle person" --

Dr. Judith Butler, PhD UC Berkeley, Gender Critical Theory, uses the term "hetero-normative dyad" -- that there are specific "performance roles" for masc/femme and that we who do not comfortably fall into this dyad, this paradigm are "non hetero normative." Let's be clear here, "normative" refers to distribution and occurrence. Normative does NOT refer to "normal" as some sort of value judgement.

We wish endlessly that we were born female. AND we don't think we'd be able to "pull it off" -- essentially "pass" as female. Besides which, I don't want to "pass" in some sort of "disguise." Rather, I'm seeking some integrity in who I am, less testosterone would feel better. Female would feel better.

But I fear being stuck with a lot of complicated and painful surgery, and in the end I still don't have periods, etc. And I feel still "stuck in the middle."

We're getting more and more comfortable with the middle. (It's been 6 months since opening the closet door a bit at a time.) We're never gonna look like Zoey DesChanel . . . never. We're never going to look good in the dresses I own. Can't wear about 80% of the earrings I own.

But we're getting more and more comfortable with being in the middle, less confused, more authentic, happier.

We're looking at HRT. Still praying (heavy duty agnostic here, it's a metaphor) that it will all drop off and go away.

Thanks for this forum. We need to send Susan some $$$.

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Let me paste this from above:

QuoteI don't have the racing Penis dysphoria that I know drives others.

I have the Racing Penis (Mattel will probably market this concept!), like being on a bucking horse. I'm not worried about how I look. I've looked like this all my 67 yrs. But I want to feel better, and that's about endocrinology, not plastic surgery.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, I'd say more than I should be, but realistically... not thinking about this stuff would be irresponsible of me.

There are some very terrifying things for me, and beyond everything else, for me that is: Losing my libido, and changing my sexual preference. Worst, the former is all but assured with HRT and the latter is incredibly likely. Literally every fantasy I have of being a girl involves being super horny, and also being attracted to girls.

I have a raging libido and it's pretty core to who I am as a person. Additionally, I'm completely infatuated with girls, and totally unattracted to guys. I think penises are hot, especially big ones, and I like the idea of anal, and even oral sex... but I have zero attraction to guys. If HRT made me bisexual I would be okay with that. What I could not ever be okay with however would be becoming unattracted to females and exclusively becoming attracted to males. I just couldn't deal with that.

So those two things happening, for me, are the most terrifying things I can think of.

I hate body hair, and it's way too much work to keep up with it all as a guy. I'll have it removed... all of it. That's a certainty. Even if I have nothing else at all done, I will have that done.

I'd like large breasts and a big butt; so, breast and butt augmentation are probably going to happen too. I'd need a tummy tuck at some point anyways, so it'd be pointless not to have a butt augmentation and if I'm getting that done why not get breasts too?

I have a fairly feminine face... I don't like my nose, mostly the profile, so I'll get that changed. If I'm going to present as a girl I'd like poutier lips too, so that'll all probably happen.

I really want a girl's voice too, so that's something I definitely want to do. I'm too self conscious and too easily embarrassed to do it with voice training, even if I'm home alone with literally no one in miles that could hear me.. so the surgery is the only way.

So at this point with butt & breast augmentation, a bit of female facial feminization, and voice feminization surgery.. I can effectively present as female with zero difficulty and I'll have a rather voluptuous body without needing hormones to get it.

I can't get SRS without the hormones... the psychological effects of the hormones terrify me... So, I don't know... I really don't know. If I already see myself as female mentally, if my inner voice is already female, and the only thing that isn't is my body... why do I need the hormones? To fit someone else's guideline for how a girl should be? Ridiculous. I'm already a girl mentally, and seriously altering my brain chemistry is terrifying.

I'm not too optimistic about SRS in general, from all the results I've seen. I don't want to disenfranchise anyone else with my worries but I haven't seen any that look like what I'd call a perfect genitals, or even designer genitals. Most look pretty gross (I realize a lot of cisgender girls have gross looking ones too but let's be real: this is aesthetic plastic surgery, and it should look ideal and how we want), a lot don't even look passable to me. And then there's the scars on the pubic mound, because that's a thing... and since I want to be smooth and hairless down there and scar easily they'd be very visible.

I could wear tight pants, or swimsuits, but... I don't have genital dysphoria at all. I have gender dsyphoria (diagnosed by my therapist even, on every account), but... I like my penis, and I'm okay with my testicles. They don't cause me any emotional distress whatsoever. Maybe having an erection in a tight dress would be a bit scary, but that's about as far as my fear over my genitals goes. Well, I mean... I'd like it to be bigger... but that's pretty normal.

It's not just the appearance, either. The increased difficulty reaching orgasm, the lack of lubrication, and the fact that it's not a true to natal vaginal experience is pretty big too. And well, then we go back to the fact that you can't get SRS without seriously mind altering hormones.

I'm so concerned over the psychological changes that even if there was a surgeon that'd do an SRS without HRT, and even if it was a proper real natal vagina, like 3D printed with stem cells and the real deal... with the fear of those psychological changes... I might still want to just replace my natural hormone balance that was lost without changing my hormone balance to cisgender female levels. I don't want the mental changes. In fact... I kind of wonder if they could just take the testes and put them up in there analogous to where ovaries would be if they could just keep on producing testosterone and the other hormones I'd need to remain healthy, without the need to depend on hormones from some external source, and with no mind altering effects.

Anyways, those are my thoughts right now... I'll have to bring them up with my therapist the next time I see him, but I'll have to get a job before that happens.

Also.... Is it completely insane that I think having internal testes, retaining a penis, and also having a vulva + vagina would be ideal? Like, basically a futanari.


                  Mod Edit: Post language cleaned up under TOS 11

Quote from: Venus on September 19, 2015, 04:14:47 PM
I've been thinking about it a lot lately, I'd say more than I should be, but realistically... not thinking about this stuff would be irresponsible of me.

There are some very terrifying things for me, and beyond everything else, for me that is: Losing my libido, and changing my sexual preference. Worst, the former is all but assured with HRT and the latter is incredibly likely. Literally every fantasy I have of being a girl involves being super horny, and also being attracted to girls.

No, hormones will not change your sexual preference. Not in the slightest. Being honest with yourself as part of transition is how that happens. There is NO SCIENCE to support the idea that hormones change your sexual preference.

Also, the loss of libido seems to be an issue because many, many trans women want that and are the loudest about it, so it becomes the 'standard story' that your libido will die. It doesn't, well, not unless you want it to. And if, like me, you don't want it to, well, in that case it hangs around. Yes, I will admit that mine has changed somewhat, but it is still there just like it's always been.

But then, I'm also reading your post and thinking that your fantasy life and your real life are way too mixed up and somewhat short on facts. I suspect you have some issues that would be better discussed with a sexologist rather than a gender specialist - although a gender specialist would be handy for some other things.

I'm in on going dialogue with myself on the practicality of GRS at this stage of my life. All I need is to push the button.

I'll come back to you all in a year or 8  :D

Quote from: kelly_aus on September 19, 2015, 06:38:47 PM
No, hormones will not change your sexual preference. Not in the slightest. Being honest with yourself as part of transition is how that happens. There is NO SCIENCE to support the idea that hormones change your sexual preference.

Also, the loss of libido seems to be an issue because many, many trans women want that and are the loudest about it, so it becomes the 'standard story' that your libido will die. It doesn't, well, not unless you want it to. And if, like me, you don't want it to, well, in that case it hangs around. Yes, I will admit that mine has changed somewhat, but it is still there just like it's always been.

But then, I'm also reading your post and thinking that your fantasy life and your real life are way too mixed up and somewhat short on facts. I suspect you have some issues that would be better discussed with a sexologist rather than a gender specialist - although a gender specialist would be handy for some other things.

I'm sorry but there are countless posts here and elsewhere on the internet that mention completely switching sexuality on hormones (towards liking men), and also a drop or complete elimination of libido.

Here are but a few...

Nearly every post in this thread (probably over a dozen girls): https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=80930.0
More here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=120835.0
There's even a study: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=168242.0
Google "hrt changed sexuality" for many others...

A lot of the people who've had it changed by hormones also convince themselves that it didn't change but just opened them up to find their true selves. I don't really believe that personally... maybe for a few... but, I do think the hormones affecting brain chemistry are playing a big role.

There's way more posts about losing sex drives, which is pretty scientifically backed. From the way I understand it... cis female brains are wired to be much more sensitive to the testosterone that they have access to for their sex drives. I'd suspect that hornier girls tend to have higher levels of testosterone than ones without much of a libido. That's backed up by testosterone increasing the sex drives in women, of which there are many studies of.

What I'd be really interested hearing about is if anyone started HRT and after their sexuality changed from exclusively liking girls to exclusively liking boys, if they stopped HRT. I'd be interested to know if their sexuality reverted back to how it was originally, or not. I don't suspect there's many that will have done that though...

Quote from: Venus on September 19, 2015, 08:00:27 PM
I'm sorry but there are countless posts here and elsewhere on the internet that mention completely switching sexuality on hormones (towards liking men), and also a drop or complete elimination of libido.

Here are but a few...

Nearly every post in this thread (probably over a dozen girls): https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=80930.0
More here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=120835.0
There's even a study: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=168242.0
Google "hrt changed sexuality" for many others...

A lot of the people who've had it changed by hormones also convince themselves that it didn't change but just opened them up to find their true selves. I don't really believe that personally... maybe for a few... but, I do think the hormones affecting brain chemistry are playing a big role.

There's way more posts about losing sex drives, which is pretty scientifically backed. From the way I understand it... cis female brains are wired to be much more sensitive to the testosterone that they have access to for their sex drives. I'd suspect that hornier girls tend to have higher levels of testosterone than ones without much of a libido. That's backed up by testosterone increasing the sex drives in women, of which there are many studies of.

What I'd be really interested hearing about is if anyone started HRT and after their sexuality changed from exclusively liking girls to exclusively liking boys, if they stopped HRT. I'd be interested to know if their sexuality reverted back to how it was originally, or not. I don't suspect there's many that will have done that though...

Based on the anecdotes provided on this site and others, I could claim all kinds of things as fact.. However, I'd prefer to work from a science-based POV. If hormones were actually able to cause as change in sexual preference it would be an accepted cause/cure for same sex attraction - which it isn't. You are also failing to take in to account the many people who report no change at all.

Provide me with some verifiable, science based studies and I might change my mind.

You're of course free to believe whatever you'd like, but dozens of people with similar results is good enough for me to consider something a distinct possibility.

Even if it was the result 100% of the time I don't think it would be a reasonable "cure" for most people due to the physical effects. I haven't seen it work for same sexes either, so those old studies they did when everyone was terrified of the gays may have not seen these kinds of results because they probably weren't using them on straight young men to turn them gay, and estrogen tends to have an effect leaning in that direction to varying extents.

Remember, just because something doesn't happen in 100% of all cases doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Even if it's only something like 20-30% of people, that's still a pretty big number.

in those threads people either havn't changed sexuality or say the difference might have been they were in denial, certainly not a single person in the first thread says HRT alone changed them. You listed it as almost every girl.

this is far more complicated than hormones alone.

Quote from: Venus on September 19, 2015, 11:25:54 PM
You're of course free to believe whatever you'd like, but dozens of people with similar results is good enough for me to consider something a distinct possibility.

Even if it was the result 100% of the time I don't think it would be a reasonable "cure" for most people due to the physical effects. I haven't seen it work for same sexes either, so those old studies they did when everyone was terrified of the gays may have not seen these kinds of results because they probably weren't using them on straight young men to turn them gay, and estrogen tends to have an effect leaning in that direction to varying extents.

Remember, just because something doesn't happen in 100% of all cases doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Even if it's only something like 20-30% of people, that's still a pretty big number.

Thank you for providing me with a reason to finally walk away from this site. I realised some time ago that good science wasn't always welcome here, but this discussion is the final nail in the coffin.

I'll say this once more before I leave- Anecdotes are not science.

@Kelly, Please don't leave just because some people don't understand science and logic. We find that everywhere. It takes all sorts. It is one thing to not engage with such people because you find it frustrating but there are many of us here who do share your appreciation of logic and the scientific method who value your experience and insights. You would be a significant loss to this forum. Please don't let yourself be driven away.

respect and admiration. BP

Quote from: kelly_aus on September 20, 2015, 01:48:31 AMThank you for providing me with a reason to finally walk away from this site. I realised some time ago that good science wasn't always welcome here, but this discussion is the final nail in the coffin.

I'll say this once more before I leave- Anecdotes are not science.

What science? You've provided no science, and you can't because the studies don't exist. You're trying to push the burden of proof onto me because our opinions differ and while I've come to my own conclusions based on the dozens of accounts that I've seen across the internet all you have is an abject denial on the basis that there has been no peer reviewed scientific study on the matter.

If you really want to talk about logic and science not being welcome, then I don't know of any better example. The scientific method isn't limited to peer reviewed journals.

Observation: Many heterosexual and/or bisexual MtF individuals have posted on the internet that their sexual preference changed during HRT to either bisexual or homosexual.

Hypothesis: An unknown percentage of heterosexual and/or bisexual MtF individuals have a tendency to change their sexual preference during HRT, gaining an attraction towards men or strengthening an existing attraction towards men.

Now at this point unfortunately I don't have the funds to conduct a study involving hundreds, if not thousands, of transgender individuals fitting the hypothesis criteria (including of course control groups); however, I believe my hypothesis to be sound. In fact one study conducted in 1998 (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9883308) has supported my hypothesis. Unfortunately, the subject pool was nowhere near large enough to confirm my hypothesis. But, at least 6 of the 20 in that study matched my hypothesis criteria and in fact correlated its assertion.

With the above study, 6 out of 20 would be 30% but it's important to keep in mind that my hypothesis does not attempt to determine the percentage of individuals that this occurs in, only that it does in fact occur. I would like to point out that it does not claim that it is as a result of HRT either, only that it occurs during HRT.

If I were to have the resources and to conduct the study I would arrange it thusly:

Group 1 (Control#1): Heterosexual MtF not living full time or undergoing HRT.
Group 2 (Control#2): Bisexual MtF not living full time or undergoing HRT.
Group 3 (Test#1): Heterosexual MtF undergoing HRT but not living full time.
Group 4 (Test#2): Bisexual MtF undergoing HRT but not living full time.
Group 5 (Test#3): Heterosexual MtF not undergoing HRT but living full time.
Group 6 (Test#4): Bisexual MtF not undergoing HRT but living full time.
Group 7 (Test#5): Heterosexual MtF undergoing HRT and living full time.
Group 8 (Test#6): Bisexual MtF undergoing HRT and living full time.

With 8 test groups of an ideally ~5,000 candidate range this study would require around 40,000 participants but should produce fairly accurate results and the test would likely run at least 5 to 10 years. Information in the study could not only support or reject the initial hypothesis but could potentially answer other questions as well, such as:

1) Does sexual orientation change in some heterosexual/bisexual individual undergoing HRT as a result of HRT?
2) Does sexual orientation change in some heterosexual/bisexual individuals undergoing HRT but not as a result of HRT?
3) Does sexual orientation change in some heterosexual/bisexual individuals not undergoing HRT but living full time?
4) Does sexual orientation change in some heterosexual/bisexual individuals undergoing HRT and living full time?
5) Is there a correlation?

I would, at this time, like to point out that I have presented nothing as fact that is not, in fact, fact. You should also keep in mind that my first post in this thread was not a scientific study but my own personal opinion, which is quite logically backed.

Furthermore, onto the topic of testosterone increasing libido in women:
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/news/20030626/testosterone-increases-libido-in-women
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/menopause/expert-answers/testosterone-therapy/faq-20057935
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3474615/

I am, of course, certain that you can find many more resources confirming this by simply googling "testosterone increase female sex drive" which will pull up a great number of websites and studies confirming the assertion.

In conclusion I would just like to say that I find it incredibly insulting that it would be implied that I don't understand science and logic.

the only reason I would have srs, is if in the next five years, they develop womb transplant surgery that would allow me to carry a child.  Other than that I cant see any situation that would lead me to want to have bottom surgery.  I would however consider an orchiectomy with implants so that I could reduce or eliminate my use of Spironolactone.