Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Does anyone know of any femininity teachers or coaches that teach feminine ways?

Boys grow up and learn from their fathers and brothers how to be masculine and strong and such... And girls grow up learning from their mothers and sisters on how to be feminine and proper and such. (Yes of course there are variations to this but this what usually happens in most families.)

I feel like I've missed out on a lot, learning how to walk in a feminine way, groom, speak and conduct myself, posture, etc. I think I've done an ok job on my own but I'd really like to find someone who can teach me properly.

Does anyone know if there are teachers or coaches like this? How can I find them?

My voice instructor does talking (so much more than voice), walking, singing, and general feminine things.  I've heard that others, who work with transgendered individuals, will do some of the same.

Hugs,

Jen

Quote from: JLT1 on June 08, 2014, 06:42:39 PM
My voice instructor does talking (so much more than voice), walking, singing, and general feminine things.  I've heard that others, who work with transgendered individuals, will do some of the same.

Hugs,

Jen

I'm looking for someone to specifically teach me feminine ways in every area not just voice, etc. my voice isn't so bad.

There has to be people out there, like teachers for ill mannered girls...

I don't even know what they'd be called so I can google?

Save money and go observe shopping malls and other places. :)

Quote from: JLT1 on June 08, 2014, 06:42:39 PM
My voice instructor does talking (so much more than voice), walking, singing, and general feminine things.  I've heard that others, who work with transgendered individuals, will do some of the same.

Hugs,

Jen

My speech pathologist does the same, but we skipped those lessons as I didn't need them. She says that for some peoplem like me, they just come naturally..

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 08, 2014, 07:48:22 PM
Save money and go observe shopping malls and other places. :)

Best advice on the subject I've ever seen.

I guess she is asking this because whilst yea we can sit in a shopping centre/mall and just observe theres a million and one nuances that we prolly dont pick up on.
From my understanding Teeg there called Finishing Schools, I'm not sure if they deal with TG or even do one on ones but there still around.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finishing_school

Sure if you google a Finishing School in your area, you will get plenty of hits, they are heavily involved with the modelling industry as well. Its a good idea actually :)

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 08, 2014, 07:48:22 PM
Save money and go observe shopping malls and other places. :)

I'm not sure how this would help?

I have girl friends so I know to a point how I should be acting... Going to a mall just to watch how girls walk etc. would be strange in my opinion.

I'm talking about learning feminine behavior in all respects innately. I didn't grow up learning much of either masculine or feminine behavior and I'd be uncomfortable asking my mother and all to teach me this stuff...

That's why I'm asking if anyone knows some kind of teacher or coach, or what they're called or where to find them.

Quote from: MikaylaGC on June 08, 2014, 09:10:15 PM
I guess she is asking this because whilst yea we can sit in a shopping centre/mall and just observe theres a million and one nuances that we prolly dont pick up on.
From my understanding Teeg there called Finishing Schools, I'm not sure if they deal with TG or even do one on ones but there still around.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finishing_school

Sure if you google a Finishing School in your area, you will get plenty of hits, they are heavily involved with the modelling industry as well. Its a good idea actually :)

That might be what I'm thinking of! :)

I've thought about this often because I think the one of the biggest things to passing is being comfortable in feminine clothes, roles, etc., not just getting a couple surgeries and calling it good... I don't want that to happen to me...

My advice would be: just be yourself! :)

As a transwoman, you're as much a woman as anyone else, and thus your femininity/definition of femininity as valid as anyone else's.
You don't need any kind of 'coaching' to be a woman when you already are one!

and if anyone thinks you aren't 'feminine' enough or don't behave enough 'like a woman' then they are guilty of imposing the same old gender stereotypes that we trans* people disprove by our very existence

Quote from: Handy on June 09, 2014, 06:32:16 AM
My advice would be: just be yourself! :)

As a transwoman, you're as much a woman as anyone else, and thus your femininity/definition of femininity as valid as anyone else's.
You don't need any kind of 'coaching' to be a woman when you already are one!

and if anyone thinks you aren't 'feminine' enough or don't behave enough 'like a woman' then they are guilty of imposing the same old gender stereotypes that we trans* people disprove by our very existence

ditto

Quote from: Handy on June 09, 2014, 06:32:16 AM
You don't need any kind of 'coaching' to be a woman when you already are one!

and if anyone thinks you aren't 'feminine' enough or don't behave enough 'like a woman' then they are guilty of imposing the same old gender stereotypes that we trans* people disprove by our very existence

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 08, 2014, 07:48:22 PM
Save money and go observe shopping malls and other places. :)

I'm not sure I agree that this is good advice for everyone.

Remember, some people are kinesthetically gifted. They can get their body to move how they want, do well in sports. Some people are socially gifted. They easily pick up social cues and figure out how to fit in.

The rest of us struggle. Even though we don't talk about it a lot (especially around people for whom physical and social presence is easy), that doesn't mean we don't exist.

I'm bothered by the mindset that we should just "be ourselves" and be content with a non-passing existence, or just sit and watch how other people do it and pick it up ourselves.

Isn't it possible that some of us need some extra help? Not everyone. Some people can do it on their own. But though you find it easy, can I ask you not to assume that everyone does?

People who are socially and kinesthetically challenged deserve to pass too.

     I grew up in an up-scale area of old money on the north shore of Massachusetts.  My family was middle class.  I can assure you that even the daughters of patricians go to finishing school.  The really wealthy do it in high school because it makes the transition into a sorority at one of the top schools easier.  If not then the sororities will teach poise, decorum etc., though their methods are less pleasant.  Girls into pageants spend 10's of thousands for similar lessons.  Actresses learn it at acting school.
     Now, I am not advocating this, merely reporting.  However, the reason they do it is because it gives them an air of command, authority while still being feminine.  Being a Jackie Kennedy doesn't come naturally.  Most MTF have been socialized to take up too much space, speak too loud, engage in decidedly non feminine social interactions.  Those get read.  I have some videos by Denae Doyle who teaches this sort of thing to peagent girls.  She also coached felicity huffman for her role in "Transamerica." Felicity won a golden globe for it.  She also specifically focuses on transgender girls. You might check out Denae's web page.
      I realize that for many girls this will seem a bit ridiculous.  The women in my family didn't do it. But I could see incorporating at least a few of the tricks and hints to finish your presentation.  Especially if you are planning any sort of corporate carrear or snagging a high end boyfriend.  Sure it's shallow, but it is still a competition. Besides, how could it hurt?  Best of luck
   

I'm happy to organize a Google hangout if anyone's interested in exploring this. It's something I'm interested in. I have a performance background and am naturally social / extroverted, so being able to adapt to different environments and be seen as a woman hasn't been a major problem for me. It would be good to discuss these issues with other people and also maybe I and others can provide feedback and advice.

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 09, 2014, 10:31:54 AM
But though you find it easy, can I ask you not to assume that everyone does?

I did not realize my opinion or suggestion was disrespecting anyone.  :-\

http://femimage.wordpress.com/

Quote from: teeg on June 08, 2014, 06:39:08 PM
Does anyone know of any femininity teachers or coaches that teach feminine ways?

This might be off topic as I can't offer advice about the original question, but I'm not sure it's worth/suitable/appropriate to start a new thread about? As it's still related to some of the things being said.

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 09, 2014, 10:31:54 AM
I'm not sure I agree that this is good advice for everyone.

Remember, some people are kinesthetically gifted. They can get their body to move how they want, do well in sports. Some people are socially gifted. They easily pick up social cues and figure out how to fit in.

The rest of us struggle. Even though we don't talk about it a lot (especially around people for whom physical and social presence is easy), that doesn't mean we don't exist.

I'm bothered by the mindset that we should just "be ourselves" and be content with a non-passing existence, or just sit and watch how other people do it and pick it up ourselves.

Isn't it possible that some of us need some extra help? Not everyone. Some people can do it on their own. But though you find it easy, can I ask you not to assume that everyone does?

People who are socially and kinesthetically challenged deserve to pass too.

Why can't you be yourself and pass? Seems like plenty of people manage it.

I know that if you don't behave in the social defined 'female' box, people may spare you a few extra moments of thought that might lead to them noticing other things that could raise their suspicions. So I can see that depending on how you look and the attitudes of the locals, it might be necessary simply to help avert suspicion.

Yet, I've encountered plenty of girls/women while growing up who were just themselves. Whether they were andro/masculine, loud, tomboys or just didn't care to sacrifice a part of who they were to 'fit in', they always passed. (yeah, they were cis, but it's possible for cis women to not pass too. I remember a thread about electrolysis and the number of cis women getting some facial hair removed because it was a bit too noticeable and causing misgendering issues)

So, where is the balance? The balance between assimilating and being yourself? If you do things to fit in, just because it's what others do or have said you 'should' do, then are you not just creating another character, another mask, another falsehood?
I'm not saying this to criticize you or anyone who wants to fit in more to pass. It's something I genuinely struggle with too. I see both aspects I just mentioned and feel stuck. The pragmatist says 'just fit in' but the girl says 'screw what they want. I want OUT'.
I'm introverted, and not really socially gifted. I've always used being somewhat outcast to allow myself to be as true to myself as possible. I didn't even try to fit in as male, just tried to redefine what being a man is, while not standing out too much. So now that I'm transitioning, I don't want to have to adopt the social female behavioral model because then I would actually be moving even further from myself than when I tried to be a man. The irony, it would be funny if it weren't so tragic.

Quote from: mandonlym on June 09, 2014, 02:41:36 PM
I'm happy to organize a Google hangout if anyone's interested in exploring this. It's something I'm interested in. I have a performance background and am naturally social / extroverted, so being able to adapt to different environments and be seen as a woman hasn't been a major problem for me. It would be good to discuss these issues with other people and also maybe I and others can provide feedback and advice.

That's a great idea. I'd definitely be interested. Experience is far more valuable than just theory-crafting.

An acting class would likely be helpful. Simply having to play multiple female characters will get you thinking about behavior in new ways.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 09, 2014, 02:45:46 PM
I did not realize my opinion or suggestion was disrespecting anyone.  :-\

Actually Jessica, I think you made a pretty good point. My God, my ex wife used to walk more manly than I did. Acted more manly too. Really, there are a lot of good tutorials out there on the internet, and or on youtube so I would save my money.

Quote from: Randi on June 09, 2014, 03:36:21 PM
http://femimage.wordpress.com/

Handy link Randi, ty  :)

Also like what has been suggested there are many ways to 'be female', I think people just need to find out what suits them best. All advice is good advice because only the OP knows her own mind and what she is looking for. But I might say I want to be a normal girl, fulfilling a pretty normal binary role(and yes I'm aware of the irony), will I achieve that? Who knows, but these sorts of questions are pretty big issues for those of us who want to be that way(and plz, before anyone jumps in and pontificates to me about thinking 'binary' Gee sry but its my life and hey it may change as my journey progresses).
Anyways the more info about this sort of thing the better as it will only help me as I progress and grow. SO thanks for the original question Teeg :)

Well my city has been invaded by trans women and I can spot them from just how some stand and compose themselves. There are engrained things you may need practice to get rid of. But, if you pass in the face and have boobs and are tiny, this matters much less. It more matters for peeps who are borderline. The most important hing is comfort. If ur not comfy and confident, people pick up on that more than anything