Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello everyone ~ I'm sure most of you have seen my previous posts and how most of the time they are a bit on the sad or negative or hopeless side... So i thought i'd try something different;

Currently, i can feel myself kind of sinking (hence the boat metaphor) into another possible trench of fear... So i thought i'd maybe post and see if my positivity can be saved before it sinks entirely (hence the life-raft metaphor LOL)... Here is my current dilema...

For the last few days i've been kinda going up and down in my emotions... i've been feeling Ok, and then bad and then good and then bad and then ok and then good... I dont know why i'm having these mood swings... but I've come to feel a bit ugly... ive been waking up hating how I look, hating how my body looks, and not feeling very attractive. I've been trying to keep on the positive side, which is why i haven't sunk yet, I'm still struggling to keep this ship afloat before it sinks and I have to find another boat to steal (aaarrgh)... I can't help but feel like maybe I'm not ideal for transition... like i'm too big already.. my features are too masculine already... I mean most of the time i feel like my face is cute.. and my mom and wife tell me that i have a very pretty face.. but i can't help but feel like its not true.. which is further proven right by the fact that i still get misgendered most of the time and i can't bring myself to understand why... I know my hair is short, but because of laser I have no visible shadow, I have no rigid facial marks... I mean I do think that my face has some developing left to do (which is fine) but I know for a fact that my face does not look male... I mean, maybe i'm delusional, you tell me:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi773.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy12%2Femilysings1019%2FWIN_20140611_141633_zps7fb2cb4b.jpg&hash=d930858e0de8991ce55fdb8cd016b934e41c6562)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi773.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy12%2Femilysings1019%2FWIN_20140611_142500_zpsd6464831.jpg&hash=b97aa56423b6f2c95918974e37eba3fb5caa2aa3)(//)

(Keep in mind that i had to click the snap button so I had to kinda lean back in that first one) Sorry if its a bit grainy,I just took these pictures at my computer, no filter whatsoever... I feel hideous. I dont feel cute.. i dont feel pretty... I just feel so underdeveloped... like my time is moving by so slowly... What is it about me that people are just so blatantly misgendering without effort.... my arms arent huge.. my back and shoulders aren't massive.. my legs are quite small and everything is otherwise pretty normal size for an average girl... I mean ->-bleeped-<-... I'm only 3-5 inches bigger than my wife in terms of biceps, waist, hips, chest, thighs.... literally... my wife is 11' biceps, I'm 13', she's 24' thighs, i'm 28", she's 32" chest and I'm 38"... its not like im "obviously male shaped"... .i mean im sure if I get naked its a different story in terms of appearance.... Hell, her waist is the only thing that differs greatly... hers is 26 and mine is 33.. but it is by far anything that could be considered "masculine"... I mean am I losing my mind here? Am i crazy???? I dont expect to be 100% passable yet... but for f*** sake, why am I getting misgendered almost 50% of the time? (and keep in mind this is BEFORE i even open my mouth to speak) I mean I even have a SLIGHT waist curvature!... I asked my wife the other day to pay attention to how I walk or how I express my body language... and she told me after "examining" me lol that I am more feminine than HER, and how she hates how I can walk with an upright back and she cant because it hurts her (she slouched a lot as a kid but its nothing extreme :P)

Someone please help me understand why i see so many other girls who are at the 4/5 month mark... expressing so much positive news... and I have nothing to show for it... sure, i have numbers and results to prove that things are actually happening (my boobs are developing past the aereola FINALLY, and well, my chest shrank dramatically from 45 to 38, and my body hair is beginning to change because I no longer grow thick black hairs in certain places, and they have become those thin yellowish-white hairs that you have to look really close to notice, my skin glows and my face is way more rounded while at the same time being more angular in the jaw area)... i mean honestly the only thing I need now is my hair to be a bit longer and my boobs to get bigger... but even my personal trainer who is cis-female and a TINY 19 year old girl... her shoulder/back to hip ratio is staggeringly masculine compared to mine... her shoulders go way more beyond her hips than mine do.. i'd wager about a little less than half what I have... and yet she is obviously female.

Am i just incredibly unlucky?? Do I just happen to live in the part of Miami where everyone has bionic eyes that can catch every single miniscule detail??? I've seen cis-girls with shorter hair than mine...

even when I'm wearing a dress... i get misgendered... I just feel so "not eligible" for successful transition if my social assimilation is seemingly ignored... it leads me to believe that all the beauty i see developing in the mirror is nothing but an illusion brought on by wishful thinking... Sure i have a defined chin.... but so does Demi Lovato.. in fact, her chin is MORE defined than mine and i dont see people going around wondering if she was born male... ugh...

Here is my current biggest fear: I am starting school soon in a new university... next month ~ I'm afraid that the misgendering is going to follow me everywhere and cause me to feel impossibly self-conscious, and furthermore i feel that my voice might break into male-mode out of survival driven fear brought on by this "oh no they're all calling me him and he and sir and now everyone thinks I'm a guy or knows I'm MAAB, blah blah blah, meltdown" going on in my head...

And dont misread this... I am in no way NOT confident... ive been dressing full time since i started and not once have I ever been afraid of leaving my house because people might "clock" me... but its the FREQUENCY of the clocking that is causing me to believe "apparently, transitioning isnt an option for me... they're always gonna see me as some guy who's pretending to be a girl...." it worries me greatly that I will spend the rest of my life stuck in this painful hole.... is this the andro phase? is this the awkward phase? what the F*** is happening?!?!!?

its funny because... i dont feel self-conscious about my body.. I actually find more and more joy in how my body is developing every single day... but yet i still get looked at as if I was just some cross-dresser... i still get misgendered as if I was just a "teen boy in a girly phase"... i don't know what to do and i don't know how to keep hope alive... I want so bad to be able to make a post about how i'm finally getting gendered correctly or how my male past is finally dissolving and im beginning to feel like another girl... but i have yet to experience the respect i deserve... its like its just NOT happening for me... how can i enjoy my journey if it feels like im just sitting in a rollercoaster car and closing my eyes and using my imagination, when the rollercoaster isnt even moving... at least thats how it feels...

I've been having mini-anxiety attacks for the last 2 weeks because things feel like they have gotten progressively worse.. is this all in my head? I mean what are the odds that I am just truly surrounded by nothing but ->-bleeped-<-s?! Despite how frantic I may have made this post, i don't feel nearly as bad as I felt when i made my last post... this time i just feel incredibly anxious and ANGRY. I'm TRYING to be patient but its like everyone keeps PUSHING my freakin' buttons and pushing me off the edge!!! and then they have the BALLS to tell me "you have to be patient" after already having thrown my self-esteem on the ground and spit on it repeatedly with their misgendering and their back-handed comments =(

Hi dear! I'm not an expert, but maybe my opinion will help.

First off, you're way more brave than I am at this point. I'm not on HRT, haven't gone out into public 'as a girl', etc. Just the fact that you're doing this everyday is amazing and deserves its own round of applause. Now, let me just say, I think you look fantastic, but it's not really my thought that counts. What's truly important is how you view yourself and that's a hard journey all on its own. If you're wondering about appearances, I think I hold one bit of advice that might help: padding. It's not for everyone and I'm not sure what it'd be like in every day life, but it's tried and true. Padding on the hips can help really define that 'hourglass' look. Passing isn't just about the face, the whole package needs to come together. Again -- this may not be for you, and that's certainly all right.

In terms of the medical side of transitioning, bodies are just different. What might take someone four months to achieve, might take me ten. Our bodies have been so hard wired by testosterone that it may take a while to fix these effects. It's not impossible, as generations of many beautiful trans women have shown. Believe in yourself, stay on track and I believe you will see your results.

Disclaimer: these are just my opinions. I am in no way a medical doctor, or anything akin, and just want to offer some positivity.

You look lush Little Em. There must be something ditzy about Miami eyes. Have you tried correcting people? If you are only three months in then it is much too early to start assessing where you might end up. Sorry to say but it is a waiting game and a LOT of patience is needed.  Shoulders back, boobs out then look them straight in the eye and snap (or purr or whatever seems appropriate) "it's madam!"

Rosie

Quote from: PoeticHeart on June 11, 2014, 02:12:55 PM
Hi dear! I'm not an expert, but maybe my opinion will help.

First off, you're way more brave than I am at this point. I'm not on HRT, haven't gone out into public 'as a girl', etc. Just the fact that you're doing this everyday is amazing and deserves its own round of applause. Now, let me just say, I think you look fantastic, but it's not really my thought that counts. What's truly important is how you view yourself and that's a hard journey all on its own. If you're wondering about appearances, I think I hold one bit of advice that might help: padding. It's not for everyone and I'm not sure what it'd be like in every day life, but it's tried and true. Padding on the hips can help really define that 'hourglass' look. Passing isn't just about the face, the whole package needs to come together. Again -- this may not be for you, and that's certainly all right.

In terms of the medical side of transitioning, bodies are just different. What might take someone four months to achieve, might take me ten. Our bodies have been so hard wired by testosterone that it may take a while to fix these effects. It's not impossible, as generations of many beautiful trans women have shown. Believe in yourself, stay on track and I believe you will see your results.

Disclaimer: these are just my opinions. I am in no way a medical doctor, or anything akin, and just want to offer some positivity.

thank you for your response... its nice to know that there is at least one place where the beauty i see is supported by others.. I might just make the internet my new home.

I can attest to the whole padding thing, but honestly if I were to start padding, i'd look too big :P i mean its not that im dying for an hourglass shape, my thought process is as follows:

"I love how I am beginning to look, my body dysphoria is reducing more and more every day, I feel like i look prettier every day... I still have a lot to go, but I KNOW i don't look obviously male now :)"

*leaves house and goes to a store or the mall or wherever* BLAM! he, him, sir, he, sir, him, he....

Back home: "what the ->-bleeped-<- just happened??? I may be early in transition but i am in NO way obvious... why are people being so abrasively and blatantly rude?!"

I know that passing is more than just the face... but the frequency of misgendering that I get comes off as hard to believe... I mean you would think that they would at LEAST gender me properly out of respect... ugh.. i just dont know anymore.. maybe i need to move somewhere far away and start a new life :(

Quote from: H, H, H, Honeypot! on June 11, 2014, 02:20:08 PM
You look lush Little Em. There must be something ditzy about Miami eyes. Have you tried correcting people? If you are only three months in then it is much too early to start assessing where you might end up. Sorry to say but it is a waiting game and a LOT of patience is needed.  Shoulders back, boobs out then look them straight in the eye and snap (or purr or whatever seems appropriate) "it's madam!"

Rosie

lol.... dont think i've ever been called lush before  :icon_redface: :icon_redface: I know its too early to assume i'll never pass or will pass effortlessly... but the unwavering stubborness that surrounds me just makes me feel like im on a hamster wheel: constantly feeling like im getting somewhere but not really getting anywhere. Maybe i should just become an effective bitch and start snapping at people... people dont realize how RUDE it is to call me Sir...

Quote from: paula lesley on June 11, 2014, 02:31:42 PM
Hey, H, H, H, Honeypot. You look nothing, N-O-T-H-I-N-G ! like a boy  ;) Relax ! and enjoy the glow. <3 X

that's what im trying to do :(.. most of the time i DO enjoy it... and that "most of the time" involves me being home with my wife where people can't persuade me to fill with rage... ugh i just wanna be able to leave my house and come back home with a smile on my face... i have yet to have a day where i can leave my house and not expect to get angry. and the most ironically funny part is that on the days where I feel like i'm at my PRETTIEST or like "damn i look hot as F*** today".... are the days where i get MOST misgendered... I mean am i on some kind of reality TV show?

Hi, Emily!

Hard to give you advice.  From the photo it's impossible to say why you're so often being misgendered.  Your only feature that I see that looks somewhat masculine is your forearms.  But even there I can't say for sure because photos can be misleading.

One thing that occurs to me: is there someone you know that is willing to be honest with you?  Someone you can trust to be up-front with you, and who you won't get angry with if they start telling you things you don't want to hear?

If so, maybe get out a bit--go shopping or whatever--and have that person tail you, observe you, see if they can figure out why you're being read so often.  There are so many factors that go into passing.  It could be one or two or three little things that are giving you away.

One person I know strikes me as thoroughly "readable" on occasion, mainly because of the way she sits and crosses her legs, but also because of the way she moves in general.  (I've never told her this, of course.  She hasn't asked for my opinion, and I know when to keep my mouth shut.)  Maybe there's something like that.

One thing you said that struck me: you said you're being read even when "you're looking hot".  Maybe you're looking hot in your eyes but perhaps not in other people's eyes.  It seems to me that each individual needs to tailor her appearance to what helps her pass--and that may not be what she'd prefer to wear.

My general strategy is to keep covered up as much as possible. I figure the less people see of me, the better. (I haven't actually considered a chador.  That would be going a bit far.)  But I have long hair, wear long skirts, etc.  I have the advantage of living in a cool climate, so most of the year I can keep well-covered up.  I also have the "advantage" of being an older woman, at an age when nobody's surprised to see someone like me in a long skirt.  You may live in a hot climate, and also a young girl can't wear the kind of stuff an old lady can (even if she wanted to) without drawing attention to herself.

The point I'm making here is maybe you need to work with your appearance to make yourself more passable, which may involve wearing stuff that wouldn't be your first choice.

At any rate, this is what comes to mind.  Whether or not this is actually helpful to you, I can't say.  I understand your problem.  There's often a very fine line between passing and not passing, and it's extremely frustrating if you can't identify the problem.

Best of luck!
Foxglove

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 11, 2014, 01:54:26 PM

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi773.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy12%2Femilysings1019%2FWIN_20140611_141633_zps7fb2cb4b.jpg&hash=d930858e0de8991ce55fdb8cd016b934e41c6562)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi773.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy12%2Femilysings1019%2FWIN_20140611_142500_zpsd6464831.jpg&hash=b97aa56423b6f2c95918974e37eba3fb5caa2aa3)(//)

Okay, honestly because that's all you will ever get out of me, otherwise I simply keep my mouth shut, is that I think you are hot and somehow taken a liking to you, so I'm always looking out for your posts to see how you are doing. But critical eye, making myself look for the male features, but just going with feelings on this. First picture, cute and see total girl here with the small hint of a smile, slight radiance of your cheeks, and well as your eye expression. Oh, and that t-shirt looks great on you, good choice in style, makes it so your shoulders don't look so big, but seems to accentuate your boobs (this is a good thing). Second picture, kind of in between, could be seen as male by some but most I don't think would pay you any mind, depends on how you carry yourself, just the posture as well as the angle and expression on your face, brings out the male hardness underneath. Is there supposed to be a third picture in here because I'm getting a small 'x' after the second one?

Don't worry too much about your size, there's a lot of women bigger build than you are, and they carry themselves just fine. Of coarse they don't have any fears that we do about not passing as women because they were born with the correct body to begin with (trying not to bring out too many negatives here, but I know when reading that you'd probably be thinking something like that).

I think you and I have and still are developing the same rate, my looks from what I was before aren't so dramatic either. We both have very slim faces with very little fat distributed around the cheeks, so I don't think either of us are going to get that round, cute rosy cheeked look that is so adorable on others so lucky to have that kind of face. I started on hormones quite some time ago, 2001...damn slow process, kind of like growing up, but trying to in a cramped space. My face barely changed, just got softer and I did have a hard time with it at first, got pointed out a lot by those that were nasty enough individuals to do such a hurtful thing, but I was (mostly) good at ignoring them because I knew I'd turn out fine later down the road. I've grown to like my looks over the years, I got used to looking at me and even though changes were subtle, I look so much better, prettier than before. As for body, at least I don't have mosquito bites for boobies anymore, still small breasted but at least now they giggle, and that took, what 10 years or so. Same with everything else, hips, butt, legs, arms, took many years to come to the shape I am now, and still I look and nitpick myself to death, always seeing the flaws through the beauty.

Okay, better post this now before I pick it apart.

Your boat's going down? Welcome aboard the SS Beauty, ma'am! Seriously, you are a great looking woman. If people are reading/misgendering you I can't see why. You say you are confident in public but maybe that is also having an effect on your posture, gait, vocal tone, interactions? Dunno. Without knowing you in person it's hard to say for sure, but you certainly look great!

I'd count myself truly blessed if I turned out to look as good as you.

Quote from: Megan Joanne on June 11, 2014, 03:50:43 PM
First picture, cute and see total girl here with the small hint of a smile, slight radiance of your cheeks, and well as your eye expression. Oh, and that t-shirt looks great on you, good choice in style, makes it so your shoulders don't look so big, but seems to accentuate your boobs (this is a good thing). Second picture, kind of in between, could be seen as male by some but most I don't think would pay you any mind, depends on how you carry yourself, just the posture as well as the angle and expression on your face, brings out the male hardness underneath. Is there supposed to be a third picture in here because I'm getting a small 'x' after the second one?

I find that interesting.
For both pictures, I can gender you female. But for the first picture, I can also see you as more andro/inbetween if I try to force my perception. I can't for the second image. So I guess you look more male in the first to me  :-\    Trying to narrow it down, I think it might be something to do with your hair? I don't know. But I can't actually see you as male in either.
I'll admit, I'm not too good at gendering people anyway. Like, I see aspects of how someone looks or walks or behaves and just think that that's how they, that person, looks/walks/behaves,etc. Rather than that's a fem/masc way to look/walk/behave. I'm luck as that seems to be a theme where I live. So take my observation with some skepticism  :laugh:  (but not the looking female part, because to me, you really do)
As others have mentioned, it would be something besides how you look. But I remember a recent post about someone misgendering you out of the corner of their eye, while you were standing still, not speaking. (at the gym). So, I dunno.

Are you sure someone hasn't heard about your transition and posted a memo around your city? Because from those pictures, I can't see anything that would allow me to misgender (as in, could use as valid excuse to hide deliberate misgendering), let alone do it by accident.
If you have the money and time, you could try going somewhere else for a day. I remember from a manga I'm reading that a couple of trans kids take a train to the end of the line. When they get there, they find a public toilet and get changed. Then they spend the day going around as a normal couple of children of their gender. So maybe go somewhere that's an hour or so away and see what happens. Could go to a few different shops, buy something cheap like sweets/water and see how the staff address you. See if it's different there.

As for worrying about how people will react at uni, I don't have any actual experience in that area. Even if I did have a story about actually overcoming a situation like that, it might play out differently in your case. Different place, people, etc. But I have thought about what I'm going to do when I'm inevitably misgendered in public, which I would also apply to the uni situation.
It's simple, I would just try and behave like I'm cis. I imagine that if a cisfemale were misgendered, she would try to correct the error with confidence, while being a tad bit irritated or confused. If they insist that X feature is a bit odd on a girl, I would just say 'so what'. I mean, my aunt has a larger than average throat for a woman, how noticeable it is depends on the lighting. When I mentioned concern over mine being a bit large for a woman she just laughed. My mum sometimes has noticeable upper lip hair. I've even heard of some ciswomen being misgendered over something like that and seeking hair removal. I'm sure my aunt or mother wouldn't accept misgendering because of the mentioned things and just sulk away into the men's fitting room or 'admit' to being male, so why should I?
Worst case is that there are a greater number of 'tells' than I suspected and the other party won't budge. Then I might just accept defeat so I can get on with the day. At least then someone who has picked up on the issues has given a list of 'problem areas'. But, as far as I can tell, I'm unlikely to be physically assaulted where I live if it goes wrong.

Anyway, I'm sorry that the people where you live seem to be blind A-hats with ridiculously strict ideas about female bodies. I really hope it gets better and that people at uni are much more respectful. 'cause the crap you're getting doesn't seem justified, at least not by your looks  :)
*hug*

Naomi

Quote from: Goldfish on June 11, 2014, 05:21:08 PM

Are you sure someone hasn't heard about your transition and posted a memo around your city?

I had also thought about this too. This based on something one of my neighbors said to me that was supposedly told to him from some other guy about me being a dude. So I wouldn't be surprised if more knew or suspected. And you know what, I don't care. They can think whatever they want, so long as they keep to themselves.

Quote from: Goldfish on June 11, 2014, 05:21:08 PM

It's simple, I would just try and behave like I'm cis. I imagine that if a cisfemale were misgendered, she would try to correct the error with confidence, while being a tad bit irritated or confused. If they insist that X feature is a bit odd on a girl, I would just say 'so what'. I mean, my aunt has a larger than average throat for a woman, how noticeable it is depends on the lighting. When I mentioned concern over mine being a bit large for a woman she just laughed. My mum sometimes has noticeable upper lip hair. I've even heard of some ciswomen being misgendered over something like that and seeking hair removal. I'm sure my aunt or mother wouldn't accept misgendering because of the mentioned things and just sulk away into the men's fitting room or 'admit' to being male, so why should I?

My mom has  told me all too many times about my worries on my adam's apple, telling me that even one of my aunts, being born a woman, has a little bit of a bump there like an adam's apple sticking out. It's still very unsightly, and has given me away in the past, and probably still does. Sometimes I worry too much about just a few itty bitty hairs on my upper lip or other part of my face before going out, my mom once again has to remind me that there are plenty of other women out there with a lot more hair on their face than me.

I still wonder how I'd handle a situation now if someone confronted me or harassed me about not being a woman, that I was a man. In the past I didn't do to well with those type of encounters. Again I say, damn adam's apple, if it weren't for that little detail I wouldn't even need to worry about that bit of phobia.

Thanks for the responses everyone, I really appreciate the compliments <3... I actually feel better now after having gone to the Apple store to see if my phone can be fixed, and being gendered correctly without issue... maybe i just hit an unlucky series of coincidences in the last 2 weeks =/ but yeah, i was gendered correctly at the apple store despite having set up the appointment as "othername", and got very minimal "omg what is that" gawks, despite feeling like i was looking like ->-bleeped-<- lol. The irony is incredible -_-.

Speaking of irony... after having dropped my phone from high areas, having gotten it wet, left in hot and cold conditions, gotten sand on it, gotten food or stains on it, dented it, landed on it, and having thrown it at a wall in anger.... my phone was killed by a little spill from less than a foot of height -_- talk about an ironic day.

As for my misgendering being a result of other external things not related to appearance ~ let me just say that i'm always on the lookout for little details of femininity, and even when i feel like im doing everything perfect, i am always open to interpretation for bettering myself. Having said that, my wife and maybe one or two friends who aren't keen on sugar coating, they usually let me know when im doing something "not very lady like", and it hasn't come to my attention since maybe the first month and a half when i started HRT/presenting full-time, but I mean, i've seen cis girls acting so manly and still being gendered properly... so im just gonna chalk it up to the fact that its miami and people are superficial as hell and maybe i should just dye my hair pink so i can psychologically fool myself into thinking "hey, they are staring at me because my hair is such a crazy color ;D".

Anyway, thanks for all the responses and compliments, i read every single one and i wish i could respond to each one individually, but with the untimely death of my phone, i'm limited to computers so i'll probably respond to each of  you tomorrow xD I decided to go to my usual karaoke place to see if i can lift my spirits ~ the manager and bar tender girls know me there and treat me as another female so it will be some mild comfort at least. I wish i could say that maybe someone spread around a memo about me lol I mean my entire graduating class knows i'm trans (my highschool was very small at the time and everyone knew eachother since elementary school =P) but they are surprisingly not the ones misgendering me, its everyone else in this town that was doing the deed >_< maybe hispanics are just too stubborn to look past their conventional ways. I mean this one time i got up out of bed wearing the cutest little blue shirt and owl print pj shorts, put on some pink sandals I have and went to walk my dogs... now, from behind you could never tell if I'm male or female, but if you were going by what I was wearing you would assume im female because my legs are shaved, my arms are shaved, my skin is glowy and smooth and my back isn't very broad anymore, the only thing is that my hair is a bit short, but from the back it can look like any cis-girls hair.... this cuban old couple pulled up to me and literally had the nerve to "sir" me in spanish...

some people are just adamant about their conventional ways.. and having been hispanic all my life and living around hispanics all my life... hispanics are among the biggest offenders of old fashioned archaic conventional thinking -_-

But anyway, rambling aside, thanks again for all the responses and compliments, you have all once again saved me from myself <3<3<3<3

Quote from: Megan Joanne on June 11, 2014, 05:38:50 PM
And you know what, I don't care.

and you shouldn't, because honestly ~ you look fabulous... and i'm not just saying that lol if I saw you on the street i would never dare assume you weren't cis :P

So far i haven't received any harassment about being trans, mostly just rude misgendering and gawking... and the occasional uneducated prick from my past outing me loudly and treating me like im just some guy in a dress, telling me to "shake his hand like a man"... ugh... idiot. If it's any consolation, i can't see an adams apple in your pic or in the pic you use to have 0_o

I actually tell my wife "i dare someone to get fresh with me about my gender status, watch me go cleopatra on their ass and set them on fire!"
anyway, don't know where i'm going with this but just thought i'd let you know that I think you're gorjjjjjj

Emily you look fine to me. You have an honest smile and it totally feminizes you even more. I have days, OK, weeks where I think I pass like an elephant in a chicken house, but I love myself and that is all that matters to me. You are adorable!  :)

The only thing that kind of looks male is your chin. You are really very pretty though.

Quote from: Goldfish on June 11, 2014, 05:21:08 PM
If you have the money and time, you could try going somewhere else for a day. I remember from a manga I'm reading that a couple of trans kids take a train to the end of the line. When they get there, they find a public toilet and get changed. Then they spend the day going around as a normal couple of children of their gender. So maybe go somewhere that's an hour or so away and see what happens. Could go to a few different shops, buy something cheap like sweets/water and see how the staff address you. See if it's different there.

I like this idea very much.  It could be that a lot of people in your area just know you as you due to you starting your transitioning there and being unabashed about the whole process. For that I congratulate you, because that can be quite challenging in communities where lots of people know each other. Luckily I was a very reserved person who went mainly unnoticed and it took management three months to figure out what was going on, even though all the employees in my unit knew.

Also, I'm not sure which university you are going to, but usually its a time when a lot of people are expiramenting and trying new things.  I don't think others will even bat an eye at your transition, and its very likely you'll be gendered correctly there.  The most trouble I have found is with older people that know me.  Anyone under 40 didn't seem to have a problem at all and quickly made the switch from Josh to Jenny. Plus you have people freaked out about courses, freaked out about joining pledge houses, freaked out about if they'll fit in, then those who are just there to party and are pretty much permanently drunk or high, antisocial people, and the list goes on and on.  I bet college is going to be wonderful for you.  And just try and not revert back to your maleness as a survival mechanism.  Just correct the person by saying "Sorry, but I'm a girl/woman",  "How rude...", Usually they'll stay the corrected way because you affirmed yourself to them.

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 11, 2014, 01:54:26 PM
I mean am I losing my mind here?

Quite possibly.  You look amazing.  100% passable.
yet another post that makes me walk away from this forum shaking my head.

Hi Emily

I'll echo what everyone has written and say that I think you look great :)

I'm at the 5 month point as well, and along the way there have been a couple of really serious downs where I've worried so much about progress and passability, and just how I'm going to turn out on the other side of all this. Each time I've managed to stay afloat and start swimming again., and I expect a few more downs in the future.

I think it takes time for so many things, not just physical changes, to fall into place. We'll get there in the end :)

I would almost guarantee you that the only reason why you would be clocked is because your hair is short. Once it gets long I don't see how you'd have any issues, so just give it time :)

Can I paint rainbows on your life raft? Pretty psychedelic ones?

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time lately.  Being misgendered, especially repeatedly, SUCKS big time!  I'll echo what others have said in that I think your look is really great!  Really really great actually.  IDK what people's problem is...  weird... but ultimately it IS *their* problem.  I know when you're in the moment and it's happening it doesn't feel that way but it's true.

I'm glad that you're feeling better since then and had a positive experience at the Apple store.  Hopefully things will be looking up some for you now.  :)

Keep your head up girl, you're going to get past all of this!

Emily I'm so sorry you are feeling so down about your transition :(

I think what you need to concentrate on things you can control a bit more. Your hair and body are fine....both are not manly....but also not over feminine either. The hair will take time and so will the body....trust me!!

Cloths and a little make up can go a long ways. It looks like your eyebrows are shaped nice and your complexion is great....your makeup looks good, if you have any on to begin with. If so it shouldn't be all that noticeable except your eye makeup.

This really only leaves the cloths. Unfortunately for many early in transition or even after...the same cloths cis women wear that enhance their curves may not look the best on our shapes. What you have on now is not at all bad but it also doesn't show or at least give the impression of curves. Color will also go a long way. You are lucky to have a wife that is supporting, you need to ask her what colors look best on you. Other women will also tell you this....even if you are not asking. They are being honest too. Women will also unconsciously tell you if something doesn't look good or a color doesn't look good on you. You will find this out!!

I was getting gendered female a good year and a half before I even came out, and I didn't look half as good as you. Sure my body size and hair did help, but other than that I was never wearing makeup or feminine clothing. It was an awkward time. Yet when I finally did come out and started dressing according to my gender, this is when I got the weird looks and the occasional misgendering. Most was because I was trying to still be under the radar and not be too girly. It seemed to work when I was presenting male but the minute I tried a similar look presenting female than I would get the looks. I really think its attitude more than anything. Before I was never expecting to be gendered female but after coming out I expected and needed too. I must of been walking around constantly wondering what they thought....and I'm sure it showed on my face.

Like I said before....I think trying to dress a little different can go along way!! One thing you could try is wearing higher waisted jeans....YES they are coming back in style (a bit) the thing these jeans will do for a body to help an MTF, is to give an appearance of a waist and hips. I still have a couple from my CD days years ago when they were more popular. I once put on a pair and thought wow holy cow do I have a shape now. But in truth I still love my low rise and yoga pants....and after almost 5 years of hrt I do have some curves to make them look good.

Please take care and don't be so hard on yourself! :) You have more going for you than you think!!

Quote from: Just Shelly on June 11, 2014, 10:23:06 PM

Like I said before....I think trying to dress a little different can go along way!! One thing you could try is wearing higher waisted jeans....YES they are coming back in style (a bit) the thing these jeans will do for a body to help an MTF, is to give an appearance of a waist and hips. I still have a couple from my CD days years ago when they were more popular. I once put on a pair and thought wow holy cow do I have a shape now. But in truth I still love my low rise and yoga pants....and after almost 5 years of hrt I do have some curves to make them look good.

That's what I told my mom when we were out shopping one time, that what I'd like are the high waisted jeans that they used to have long ago, like back in the 80s. She said, they're still around. I'm like, uh, where?, all I see here are low rise, the kind that shows your ass crack every time you squat or bend over. Seen too many girls' butt cracks in recent years, and girl or guy, somehow it just looks nasty to me showing that way. Sometimes they look good, low waisted jeans (not ass crack), but for someone with small hips and long torso like me, not always the best style, plus the constant having to keep pulling them up. I think I'm starting to ramble now, 'night.

Yes I'm secretly hoping they do come back in style a bit more. I have seen quite a few young girls with the high rise shorts....I don't care for them much....but what they call "mom" jeans, can be a sexy look at times. I know the dress slacks I have are mostly high rise....I only wear them for interviews and such, but they do make my appearance more flattering....and I also seem to have legs then. :)

I don't mind the low rise jeans....especially the dark tones with studded designs on the back pockets.....and if there skinny jeans all the better!! But like you said...having to pull them up constantly and the ole crack showing isn't the greatest thing! The best pairs I have ever found that fit and look great, are at Old Navy.....there called Rockstar, and there super cheap. The only bad thing is that there are no designs or embellishments on the backside.

No, no, no. Please don't bring high waisted jeans (or mom jeans) back. No. What Emily should wear in the jeans department is what evry girl wears in the jeans department: skinny jeans. I live in skinny jeans and they look great. I can't imagine wearing anything else. And if they're skinny capris with holes in them and are purple, all the better.

As far as tops, go for form fitting ones. If you're not blessed in the boob department, God created Kleenex. I imagine less is more, I have never stuffed so I'm in the dark on this, but I do know that printed, form fitting tees or striped tops scream female and can't be mistaken.

Oh, and let's not forget eyeliner. Being misgendered? Cure it with eyeliner! I can't emphasize this enough. *see what I did there? Emphasize. hehe* Seriously, don't forget the eyeliner. I would also go with a nice light shade of pink for the lips, some blush (by FACESTUDIO) and volia, you will no longer be misgendered.

I'd say more but the BF becokns, sorry.

Em, you are very pretty.  I think the short hair has an impact on overall overall presentation.

Heya Emily,

I'm thinking 2 things. Growing that hair out long will go quite a ways to making you look like an italian guidette!  I assume you're italian. Check out what the italian gals are rocking these days. And freestyle music forever!

(If you're not italian apologies. ;D)

The 2nd thing is beard shadow. It's still slightly visible which might be just enough to tip you over to the misgendering side. Also maybe grow out those upper sideburns long and have them pulled down along with the rest of your hair when it gets length also. As it is, it is a bit boyish looking. Long wispy feminine sideburns can really help frame your face and detract any harshness from your jaw line.

All of this can be part of your to-do multitasking list. While hormones soften you up further, you're letting your hair grow in tandem. Just give yourself a year of patience to let everything join up, ok darling? Your still in that awkward andro stage (like I am) and we need to let the magic work behind the scenes while keeping busy. Soon enough we're going to start approaching male fail. How about postponing being full time until like Sept? (just present andro)

You can join FalsePrincess and I in our full time Sept pact!

Quote from: Joanna Dark on June 12, 2014, 01:02:52 AM
No, no, no. Please don't bring high waisted jeans (or mom jeans) back. No. What Emily should wear in the jeans department is what evry girl wears in the jeans department: skinny jeans. I live in skinny jeans and they look great. I can't imagine wearing anything else. And if they're skinny capris with holes in them and are purple, all the better.

As far as tops, go for form fitting ones. If you're not blessed in the boob department, God created Kleenex. I imagine less is more, I have never stuffed so I'm in the dark on this, but I do know that printed, form fitting tees or striped tops scream female and can't be mistaken.

Oh, and let's not forget eyeliner. Being misgendered? Cure it with eyeliner! I can't emphasize this enough. *see what I did there? Emphasize. hehe* Seriously, don't forget the eyeliner. I would also go with a nice light shade of pink for the lips, some blush (by FACESTUDIO) and volia, you will no longer be misgendered.

I'd say more but the BF becokns, sorry.

Well most would agree with your view of the mom jeans....but if you saw some new styles you would know what I mean.

I have to disagree with your advice about the skinny jeans!! Skinny jeans look good on someone that is fairly skinny....or fairly curvy. Skinny jeans will only show she has very little curves, it may enhance her long legs which it looks like she has and if worn with a tunic top they may work. Skinny jeans don't work for many women, it can be even more difficult for trans women. I love skinny jeans and they are the staple of my wardrobe, early on in my transition they did not look as good as they do now....and even now certain cuts do not favor me.

We are no different than most women...there's things we can and cannot wear and things we shouldn't wear :) The difference is that there are more things we shouldn't wear.....but we just really want too :(  I know for myself I didn't look well with the shorter shorts (not Daisy Dukes either) the reason was because I didn't have enough fat on my thighs....now that my thighs have fattened up a little, they are at least snug around that area or not as loose. These type shorts aren't made to wear or appear like the Bermuda type.

The thing to do is constantly watch what other women your shape, skin color, hair color and age are wearing....but even that is not fool proof!! You really need an honest opinion from a girlfriend or like the OP has, a wife!!

and yes eyeliner not overdone will go a long ways!!!

I think your doing fine . It took me 8 months to get to where I  "pass" without question  with make up and where with out make up I get curious looks.

Update: went to karaoke last night. I straightened my hair and wore a little black spaghetti strap dress I have, the bottom part is very ruffly and it was slightly un-ironed so it added that "rocker girl" look to it <3 with black boots :3 and i noticed last night that I blended in like another girl, people were looking at me but i could tell they weren't looking at me in a funny way, just average looking, and no staring or gawking either!

I even met a new bartender (who doesn't know me at all) and was introduced to him by my friend as "this is Emily, her wife" (i went with my wife and she was introduced first) and i decided to have the "f*** it" attitude and just went in for the cheek kiss, and i got a natural response :D i got a kiss on the cheek without even a single strange look or awkward moment... i was treated like any other girl by a person who had never met me ^_^ Also; i shaved before going to the place because my hair is still kinda there after laser, and after shaving last night i pretty much rid my face of any of the excess hair, so now i have smooth everything (they're not kidding about that shedding phase lol your WHOLE face becomes smooth and shadow-less)... it was and is so good, that i BARELY have to wear concealer anymore (well, at least until it gets back in the growing phase, but then my 2nd laser treatment will take care of that :P)

As for the thing someone said about high waisted jeans.... well, i've been down that route lol never again xD I mean my wife looks GREAT in high waisted jeans because she has banging hips, but i am currently at the no-hips/white girl hips stage lol so high waisted anything is out of the question ~ I just wear skinny jeans or stretch flared jeans :3 (i love flared jeans and because i'm pretty tall and slim-ish, they look good on me :P i have friends who are short and a bit chunky who tell me that they hate that i can pull off flared jeans lol.... didn't know that you had to be tall to look good in them but w.e :D) I dont often wear skinny jeans because i dont like how they stick to your ankles, it makes your legs look kinda weird... but thats just my opinion on how it looks on me ~ i honestly only have one pair of skinny jeans which i wear with knee high boots if I ever wear them (despite my wife's attempts to make me wear skinny jeans and sandals or slip-ons... i just hate how it shapes my body going upwards... makes me look like i have skeleton ankles.) I am quite aware of the idea that we should wear things that flatter our body :P I would never dare leave my house in something that doesn't give me a more feminine shape >.< I started dressing full time about 1 month and a half before starting HRT and i'll admit that at first i was a fashion disaster, but now the only thing I'm still trying to master is color contrasts, the rest ive pretty much gotten down xD (i'm surrounded by women in my family and my friends, before losing my friends to stupid high school drama, they taught me well hehehe and my wife is pretty much fine-tuning my fashion sense) I also mostly only wear jeans for work, when its the weekend or when i'm going out, i'll opt for a sun-dress or short shorts (if there is one thing I DO have that has always been feminine despite my dislike of them, its my legs. Even when i was in high school and totally oblivious to my trans status, girls would tell me that they envy my legs and my calves 0_o... being a guy at the time, i felt like that mattered little lol, but now I'm glad that i didnt let myself go too much that i lost my one seemingly feminine feature sans-hormones.)

Make-up wise ~ lets just say that for some reason, the moment i started learning about makeup from my wife and from the make-up assistants in Sephora and Mac, i've been soaring lol my mom and wife both told me "this is just proof that you were meant to be a girl... it took me 10 years to learn how to blend like you do" (not trying to brag just seriously feel like I got lucky with makeup because i picked it up like i had known it all my life :P), the problem with my make-up choices is that i much prefer the natural-glow kind of look, so i dont put too much on my face so that i can just have that natural beauty look (and you can barely tell in pictures) but i've started dabbling in using more colorful choices for eye make up and lip color (i usually go with the light pinks or the nudes because they bring out my eyes more, seeing as I just started laser and its beginning to show results, im gonna start experimenting with more colors since before i wouldnt because it would bring out my shadow way too much) But eyeliner... eyeliner is a must lol. In fact ~ for anyone who is new to the whole eyeliner deal... putting eyeliner on the top makes a WORLD of difference ~ this whole time (before last weekend) I had only been putting on mascara and bottom eyeliner... then i decided to buy a deep metallic mauve eye liner pencil and started applying top-eye liner with a black watermark eyeliner and a cat-eye tail in the corners.... my god; once again the Sephora girls had opened me up to a whole new world of possibility. I want to buy a metallic aqua eyeliner pencil because when i went to the store i did the mauve top and aqua bottom and it was hella-hot and totally like super model eye 'pop' of color that wasn't overwhelming or "drag"-ish (not that i hate drag make-up, those girls really do know how to play with glitter and wild colors, but we all know the difference between drag show makeup and cisgirl makeup :P)... so yeah, when i'm done being broke im gonna invest in some color eyeliner pencils and another eye shadow pallet (btw i would recommend the Naked 2 and Naked 3 from Urban Decay, absolutely MARVELOUS color combinations in the natural pallets) ~ hopefully in the future when my face shapes up a little more, or my hair grows longer, i'll wanna experiment with greens and blues for eye-shadow (i like to get really creative with make-up when i'm home)... anyway, i'm rambling now because i can't shut up when it comes to make-up lol.

as for what Evelyn K said: No, i'm not italian lol I am of Austrian descent lol (which explains why I and my grandmother TOWER over everyone... well, not really.. i'm only 6'1") ~ for the sideburns... I use to have side-burns like you are suggesting and it actually affected my figure negatively >_< it made me look MORE like a guy =/ thats why I sort of shaved them and have them lasere'd off so that the upper parts can grow and i can just have them sort of hanging ~ my issue with THAT however, is that my hair is REALLY wavy/curly, so i'd look like a hasidic jew if i let my side-burns hang ~ i will say that I don't doubt for a SECOND that when my hairs grows to be about back-length, it will look gorgeous... its the waiting that really kills me -_-

As for not going FT... honestly i've been FT for 4-5 months now (even before HRT) because wearing male clothes or even presenting as andro really triggers my dysphoria... I remember when i started dressing, the dysphoria lifted off me by at least 55%... it was such a liberating experience that I decided i'd just tread on through all the male-figure in my body (which has reduced drastically with the size of my arms and chest decreasing), as fun as it sounds to be part of your pact xD hehehe going FT was one of those leaps I had to take ~ and i gotta admit that just taking that step alone raised my confidence level to extraordinary levels lol i just honestly wish sometimes that people flexed their courtesy muscle a little more frequently around here.

Having said ALL this wall of text in response to everyone's wonderful responses without making a huge wall of quoted text ~ I am willing to admit that after experiencing a good day yesterday... maybe for the last 2 weeks i was just "off my game" =P I mean... we all have off days right?... I guess cisgirls are just allowed more off-days because no matter how sloppy they behave, they'll always get gendered properly =p we gotta be top notch even on our off-days lest we risk the chance of being clocked (this is of course just a euphemism :P i dont pretend to say that anyone is obligated to behave in any way) I guess i just have to own myself and own who and what I am and just try to do away with people's stupidity -___- i just wish it didn't sometimes have such a harsh effect on me.

I'm really happy to see that I'm not crazy when I look in the mirror and think "wow... i look really pretty... still got a long way, but i'm off to a good start".. its just easy to forget when you are faced with a quick-fire barrage of misgendering in frequent repetition >_< it puts a huge smile on my face to see everyone's compliments and I appreciate the time everyone took to respond to another one of my frantic, silly, crazy hormone-raging posts <3 lol...

That's great to hear that you had a good night!! You deserve that! :)

It sounds like you got the makeup thing down. Your skin looks flawless and it doesn't look like as it is all from makeup, good job there. The eyeliner thing is funny, I did the same thing for awhile....and then like you had that wow moment when I applied it on the upper!! This one thing alone can make a dramatic impact on appearance.

Have fun and keep experimenting. You are very lucky to have a supporting wife....not just for the obvious reasons but also for wardrobe advice!! This is a huge benefit for anyone in transition. I'm not only green red color blind, I also don't have anyone to ask about how things look. Well I do have my 13 year old boy ha ha this doesn't work the best!! Though I will say there are times he has told me I look nice! I really do appreciate this and believe he is being honest in his critique when he says it.

Pink hair might look cute on you. I'd go for it. I mean, how often do you get to rock pink hair? Your girl Demi rocked that blue hair;)

Something to consider, maybe. I live in an area that is very image conscientious. Looks are everything. The girls are flawless and their mothers all look like their BFF's. It's loaded with plastic and judgement. IDK how Miami is, but I suspect it is a place that scrutinizes people a lot. Like LA or something. At least, that's my impression, I could be totally wrong. But whatever it is, I hate that feeling.

It sounds like you're doing better. Don't get so hung up on the negative experiences. Count on the times you're reacted to positively and think about what allowed you to experience that. Like your night at karaoke. Your attitude and emotions were in a different place and you weren't leaving the house expecting to come home angry. At least I hope you weren't. I've heard it here a thousand times, but it's true, passing isn't just about looks.

You're still learning. So am I. New tricks, new details, new life hacks on how to be a girl. My nieces got their first little girl makeup kits when they were 3 years old for crying out loud. You're not going to get it all overnight. IDK how anyone can. Just try not to pressure yourself so much. You're doing fine and you look great. Just breath once in a while.

Quote from: TiffanyT on June 12, 2014, 12:02:34 PM
Pink hair might look cute on you. I'd go for it. I mean, how often do you get to rock pink hair? Your girl Demi rocked that blue hair;)

Something to consider, maybe. I live in an area that is very image conscientious. Looks are everything. The girls are flawless and their mothers all look like their BFF's. It's loaded with plastic and judgement. IDK how Miami is, but I suspect it is a place that scrutinizes people a lot. Like LA or something. At least, that's my impression, I could be totally wrong. But whatever it is, I hate that feeling.

It sounds like you're doing better. Don't get so hung up on the negative experiences. Count on the times you're reacted to positively and think about what allowed you to experience that. Like your night at karaoke. Your attitude and emotions were in a different place and you weren't leaving the house expecting to come home angry. At least I hope you weren't. I've heard it here a thousand times, but it's true, passing isn't just about looks.

You're still learning. So am I. New tricks, new details, new life hacks on how to be a girl. My nieces got their first little girl makeup kits when they were 3 years old for crying out loud. You're not going to get it all overnight. IDK how anyone can. Just try not to pressure yourself so much. You're doing fine and you look great. Just breath once in a while.

lol oh yes, Miami is quite superficial. There is a place called Brickell... you don't go there unless you are dressed to impress... I have a friend who lives there and she tells me that she has to get all dressed up just to go grocery shopping lol you cant be caught dead in anything trashy looking in brickell. I mean, the suburbs arent as superficial, but the coast, the beach, brickell and fort laurderdale can be very superficial... thought fort lauderdale is friendlier because the party area is Wilton Manors (or surrounding areas) and its a total LGBT safety zone lol Transpeople and Gay/Lesbian people galore, lots of friendly people ~ but still equally as gorgeous and "dressed to impress", so sometimes its hard to compete >_< not to mention that 90% of the girls down here are TINY.... like 4-5 feet tall MAX... my wife is 5'3" and she would be considered "average" height for a girl down here, most of the other girls are either really short and cute, or slightly taller (average height lol) and REALLY skinny and slender.. the definition of beauty down here is a jaded and strange one -_- not to mention that hispanics can be very sexist... and that sexism is played in by hispanic women who allow themselves to believe the same thing... so its ALL about looks =/ and in the suburbs its a bunch of retired old people or miserable middle aged people, or worse: superficial rich kids who don't know the meaning of "struggle" to any degree... especially the town i spent most of my life living in (Doral), full of pretentious, ostentatious, rich and rude a-holes who have kids that are equally as rotten... honestly the only place i like talking to people down here is Miami beach along collins avenue or Ocean Drive (lots of tourists and people from all over) and fort lauderdale because of what i mentioned above -_- otherwise, Florida was actually declared the most miserable state by Forbes magazine and the most stressful state  by some other magazine who's name escapes me. If its not old fashioned sexist hispanics down south, its ignorant hate-group situated red necks up north... and your few gems and sanctuaries in between.

anyway lol didnt expect to go into that hahaha, but yes i feel much better :) and I do plan on dying my hair but only when it gets longer xD i follow Demi on facebook and her hair and makeup are mesmerizing <3

and no i left my house feeling quite good and confident, it turned out to be a night where i felt my prettiest and it DIDNT blow up in my face lol. I'm definitely gonna straighten my hair more often because it made a huge difference..

alternatively; i got a bit drunk and my inner drunky girl came out (they say drunken words are sober thoughts) and i started behaving in such an uncontrollable cute and girly drunken disposition lol which kinda made me feel better too because sometimes i am afraid that if I get drunk or high or something that it will bring out my dead male persona out of anxiety, but i was proven wrong lol I got all flirty and friendly instead of loud and vulgar lol

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 12, 2014, 10:37:08 AM

As for not going FT... honestly i've been FT for 4-5 months now (even before HRT) because wearing male clothes or even presenting as andro really triggers my dysphoria... I remember when i started dressing, the dysphoria lifted off me by at least 55%... it was such a liberating experience that I decided i'd just tread on through all the male-figure in my body (which has reduced drastically with the size of my arms and chest decreasing), as fun as it sounds to be part of your pact xD hehehe going FT was one of those leaps I had to take ~ and i gotta admit that just taking that step alone raised my confidence level to extraordinary levels lol i just honestly wish sometimes that people flexed their courtesy muscle a little more frequently around here.

Having said ALL this wall of text in response to everyone's wonderful responses without making a huge wall of quoted text ~ I am willing to admit that after experiencing a good day yesterday... maybe for the last 2 weeks i was just "off my game" =P I mean... we all have off days right?... I guess cisgirls are just allowed more off-days because no matter how sloppy they behave, they'll always get gendered properly =p we gotta be top notch even on our off-days lest we risk the chance of being clocked (this is of course just a euphemism :P i dont pretend to say that anyone is obligated to behave in any way) I guess i just have to own myself and own who and what I am and just try to do away with people's stupidity -___- i just wish it didn't sometimes have such a harsh effect on me.

I'm really happy to see that I'm not crazy when I look in the mirror and think "wow... i look really pretty... still got a long way, but i'm off to a good start".. its just easy to forget when you are faced with a quick-fire barrage of misgendering in frequent repetition >_< it puts a huge smile on my face to see everyone's compliments and I appreciate the time everyone took to respond to another one of my frantic, silly, crazy hormone-raging posts <3 lol...

Yeah, if you insist on being full time while not 100% passing at this moment, then there's no sense in getting upset when you get misgendered here and there.

Just take it easy and be forgiving with yourself Em...

Quote from: Evelyn K on June 12, 2014, 12:45:09 PM
Yeah, if you insist on being full time while not 100% passing at this moment, then there's no sense in getting upset when you get misgendered here and there.

Just take it easy and be forgiving with yourself Em...

See, here is the problem: when i started living full time, i  still looked male, and i was still getting gendered properly more often than i was in the last 2 weeks, and i wasn't even on hormones at the time, so nothing about me looked female unless i lathered on the makeup or wore a very conservative outfit... but people would still gender me female SOMEHOW... now im actually ON hrt, looking naturally feminine (at least more feminine to say the least) and people were misgendering me left and right as if I had gone FTM or something... this post wasn't about being misgendered here and there without being fully transitioned... it was about having the rationality to look at myself in the mirror, not see anything that stood out as "obviously male" and having people misgender me in rapid succession...

So i may have been full time before passing 100%, but i was getting gendered correctly more often pre-HRt than i had been in the last 2 weeks or month (i lost count) which is why i felt the need to make this post.. I mean I try my hardest not to sound unrealistic when i say things.. i know that there WILL be misgendering from time to time.. but what i was receiving wasnt that... what i was getting made me feel like i was on a prank show... even my wife was thinking "are you f***ing kidding me?" whenever someone would misgender me so easily. As i've stated before; i know i have a long way to go, but I also have the eyes (and my wife's eyes) to see that there is no reason why people should be misgendering me like its "so easy to tell"... if I feel horribly misgendered NOW, i cant imagine decided to stop being full time, or being andro, and hearing it even MORE.... it would devastate me... it just seems like a step backwards for me... Sure, maybe i made a mistake by going full time so early.. but having been living full time for nearly half a year, if i were to suddenly stop... it would just further confuse everyone and make me feel worse.

Don't get me wrong, i understand what you are trying to say... but if it were just here and there, i wouldn't have felt so discouraged as I did... of course i get misgendered from time to time lol... Im not gonna make a post about it every time it happens... this time was just really impossible to grasp especially since i felt like i was getting more feminine in appearance, and getting misgendered more often... almost like the hormones were working in reverse but were making me "high" and causing me to see them in forward progression... it just felt surreal and was eating away at my confidence

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 12, 2014, 01:03:19 PM
See, here is the problem: when i started living full time, i  still looked male, and i was still getting gendered properly more often than i was in the last 2 weeks, and i wasn't even on hormones at the time, so nothing about me looked female unless i lathered on the makeup or wore a very conservative outfit... but people would still gender me female SOMEHOW... now im actually ON hrt, looking naturally feminine (at least more feminine to say the least) and people were misgendering me left and right as if I had gone FTM or something...

Actually had a similar experience to this, just about the time I started hormones Id be gendered female about as often as male even wearing "guy" clothes.  Now that my face actually does look feminine to an extent, the gendering at all pretty much just stopped (and when it did happen it was male gendering) completely no matter what I wore, so after a while I just decided to present androgyny as that's how I get referenced anyway...  I know Im kinda giving in a bit. I also know the hormones are working and it wont hurt to give them a bit more time.  I just cant explain the period where I got gendered female earlier since I look, dress and talk much more female now and get gendered as nothing.

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 12, 2014, 01:03:19 PM

Don't get me wrong, i understand what you are trying to say...

Actually, you might not be understanding what I'm saying hon. You're whining.

The real gist of the problem is, you are inviting CIS scrutiny because your girlie appearance isn't congruent with your currently passability. Things seem a little 'off'. This wouldn't happen if you present andro and wait for male fail to increase in frequency before wearing the more feminine stuff.

You need more time for the mones to do their thing, alright? Why the heck don't you think *I'm* full time yet either? I'm not the one putting myself through unnecessary torment.

Maybe the clothes you wear makes you look manly or your voice? because on your picture you look kinda like a casual girl. :)

I know it's frustrating Emily but 5 months just isn't enough time on hrt though. I wasn't being gendered correctly till about a year or so in and that was even with beard shadow. The changes I started to get in my face after a year were huge in comparison to when I was at the 6 month mark. Not saying you're not looking female now, it's just between 5 months vs 18 months on hrt, there are a lot of changes that happen.

Long hair helps a ton, having super short hair cuts won't help with passing. I've seen cis women misgendered at first just because of their super short hair, its just the way it is. In fact I was misgendered a lot at the start just because of how short my hair was back then and how I would put it up. If you're full time then worrying about people misgendering you is gonna drive you bananas, gotta go into don't give a f mode.

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 12, 2014, 10:37:08 AM
I guess cisgirls are just allowed more off-days because no matter how sloppy they behave, they'll always get gendered properly

Not true! A lot of women that don't dress/look fem get misgendered as well.

STAY STRONG EMILY!!!