Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm not interested in guys, but it seems a few of them are interested in me. If I was in a bar or night club I guess I might expect to be hit on, that's what guys do there (other than drink)...but in the middle of a shopping mall? Going up the escalator today this guy behind me said, "Excuse me, can I ask where you come from?"...I turned, smiled a teensy weensy bit and said "No, you can't" and just kept going. He was a decent looking guy, but what kind of question is that, besides I was 100% not interested. He probably thought I was a stuck up cow but really, I don't need or want guys hitting on me. At least I kind of smiled... a little.

Mind you, a young guy working in a Pizzeria waved at me through the window as I walked past a few weeks ago. I did smile and gave him a little wave back, so y'know, I'm not totally a b@#$%!

How do you handle guys approaching and hitting on  you in public?

I've been looked at quite  a bit , but no one outside of a bar has tried  to hit on me , well maybe only slightly, but I'm bi so it doesn't bother me.

I'm not out so I've only had that happen once on a Halloween where I dressed up, but I was flattered.  I guess it could get old, but knowing how hard that can be for some guys, unless they were ignorant, I would take the compliment and spare their feelings as much as possible.  Why make them feel bad for trying.  If they aren't polite, then I would say f-em

Yeah, this is frustrating for me too. If I am just out doing my thing, I'm not really in the mood to be hit on. I laughed a lot when I saw your response, since it sounds just like me!

Omg you're so mean hahaha I usually stay really quiet & just giggle cause I'm scared to talk :p If I really wanted to talk to them I might say something but my voice usually gives me away

Luckily haven't had that happen yet but when i do i'll let you know my reaction  ;D  mostly what has happened is getting oogled over. I have had the door held open a few times for me an one day at the store an older gentleman came around a corner and bumped into my cart on accident and said Oh im really really sorry miss straightened my cart smiled and then tipped his cowboy hat to me.. pretty sure i went pink. What i get a kick out of is letting my evil streak coming through and letting girls hit on me while im in guy mode because all i can think is you're hitting on a girl! and then i try not to start laughing hysterically at them

Smiled nodded and looked for the quickest way run and hide politely of course. can handle the wave, I can handle behind the glass and can handle a horn or whistle. Just please don't talk to me

Quote from: Kylie on December 07, 2014, 11:49:10 PM
...knowing how hard that can be for some guys, unless they were ignorant, I would take the compliment and spare their feelings as much as possible...

I kind of agree but given he was ballsy enough to approach a total stranger and hit on them in an space not normally dedicated to making passes I can't imagine he's going to get too hung up about rejection... this guy looked like he could handle it. ;)

I like guys, so I enjoy it most of the time. It's also a kind of confirmation on passing, being a female and seen as such. So I take every compliment I can get, since they are scarce for being trans in the first place. So far, I am being catcalled at least 3 times a week. In the summer it's more, and especially when I show some leg, and oh boy, do I have some leg to show for!  ;D

Talking to someone in an elevator is creepy enough for me to whisk someone away. Sorry, but that is against my social etiquette I guess.It almost seems a kind of harassment...  One time a guy came running at me: Miss! please hold the door! Which I did. Then he started asking me if I was working here at the hospital, to which I said: No. And that was it, I got out. He probably wanted to talk to me and stuff. But to me it's not the right place. I do like the attention though, keep it coming, I like it.

I noticed also I am treated differently. Guys now stop their cars if they see I want to cross the road. Back when I was in "male mode" that never happened. I still have to get used to that.  :D

I usually talk to them pleasantly, and just let them know I hate lesbians, but if I got nothing better to do sometimes I indulge their desire for Teinvok.

Quote from: Teela Renee on December 08, 2014, 01:48:11 AM
...and just let them know I hate lesbians...

Why would you say that?? And why would you say it on this forum of all places?

QuoteTeinvok

I have no idea what that is.

I think we should rename the thread as 'The most inventive hit on's a guy has made to you!'

Since I like guys I like being hit on, not in a crude or creepy way but I have no issues with chatting on an escalator, elevator (lift), anywhere in fact (recalling being stopped by a traffic cop who asked for a date :laugh:). If a guy is interested in a girl someone has to have the balls to start the conversation and see if you are interested.

He should know when to stop when told but 'hey enjoy it'

If they're not creepy I do take it as a compliment. This guy wasn't creepy and to be honest if I was into guys I might have at least flirted with him. But I wouldn't want to lead him on. Some guys, especially the assertive ones, take even the slightest sign of encouragement as green lights all the way to the prize (and all we know what that "prize" is).

One time I walk down the street (long time ago) and was yelled at for being a ginger.

My hair is naturally brown... but it rock being a ginger for 2 weeks. It felt powerful.

I would do it again but not now.

I'm a friendly little soul, and since my features are quite obviously foreign here in Spain, I tend to engage when the opening line is not overtly a pick-up.

So far, the pick-ups have not really been from the kind of guys I'd want to encourage.  Since people don't realise I'm trans, I try to just be a polite girl, although I will get blunter if a guy is too persistent. 

I find that it's useful to have a couple of pre-made strategies to pull out, and to make them plausible.  So, if a guy is insistent, I'll tell him that I'm recently divorced (true enough) and not ready for a relationship.  And if they take a roundabout route and ask if I'm living with someone, I'll tell them that I live with some girlfriends since my divorce.

Frankly, if I can, I try to end with a smile and some kind of recognition that, while the guy is not for me, it was sweet of him to try.  That way I don't feel like a cow, and I don't leave another person feeling bad.

Elsewhere I posted my experience with one man who was downright creepy. I gave guys a try. With a member here in fact. But I'll never do it again. I might feel a sense of security when guys hug me but I will sooner slit my throat than be with one again. Ever.

From what I have experienced, guys just want a girl to be a f#$%toy. I'm not hating on men but this has been my experience. It ALWAYS comes down to sex.

In most cases when I am so not in the mood I might  just answer him bluntly and go back to what I was doing. This tells him that I am not interested. Or treat what he said like he wasn't hitting on me and talk seriously. 

Quote from: Hanazono on December 08, 2014, 06:27:18 AM
unfortunately I've been on the receiving end of a multi handed lady octopus when I hung out with a les crowd. she'd grope anyone in a skirt. in hindsight I should have not sat next to her on the lounge sofa.

I was flattered but it wasn't my thing to be groped by anyone least of all someone I wasn't really attracted to...
so yeah. there are creepy women too.

LOL! probably the funniest thing I read today.  :D and true... a lesbian couple, ex-friends of mine, where sexbeasts... incredible... I lived with them as roommates in one house at one time. The only thing they cared about was sex.

If a guy is just talking with me that's ok. It's the ones who are drunk and want to put their hands all over me are the ones that are the problem.  :-\

I was on the receiving end of a major pick up attempt on the street. My female BFF and I had just left a restaurant in North Hollywood and were walking down the sidewalk when this guy walked past us, turned, saw me, and then it all started.

I was both amused (having been in his shoes before nervously talking to women) and a little surprised (Hey, there is someone hitting on me!!). He was a good looking guy but i'm just not into guys. He was extremely persistent but I just kept being pleasant and tried to gently discourage him. He finally got the hint and left us alone.

Meanwhile, my BFF (shes from Latin America with dark hair and eyes and big breasts - why is that dude hitting on ME instead of HER?!?!) stood quietly on the side trying not to laugh; she was hugely amused at watching me dealing with my first pick up attempt :laugh:

Only a few times so far, and at least so far something along the lines of "I'm flattered but I'm not available right now" has worked for me. I'm bi so guys or girls work but I don't want to get into a relationship until after SRS and that's still a little ways down the road for me. I might make an exception for "Mr. Right" but it would have to be an exceptional situation, and they'd have to understand my boundaries now versus after SRS.

I think it's important to distinguish between hitting on and being friendly.  Sometimes guys are just being friendly, but then there comes a point where suddenly I get red lights flashing and can see the request for a date coming . . . and sure enough, there it is.  Here are some of my strategies.

Be polite but not encouraging.  Like when I was keeping a friend company while she was moving, the mover wanted to talk to me.  I would use clipped answers to a question so I'd be polite, but not reciprocate any interest in getting to know him.  But sometimes that doesn't work, and I have a bad habit of being really friendly, so . . . .

Try wearing a fake wedding ring or engagement ring.  I have one that cost me about $8.  I don't much like wearing rings so I only wear mine if I am going somewhere I expect to get hit on.  But when I have it, I can put it where it is very visible.  For example, if some guy is seeming flirtatious, I can nonchalantly hold it up near my face where it can be seen, like by covering my mouth briefly, putting hand to lip, or any number of other gestures that look fairly natural, but make the ring unmistakably visible.  But sometimes that does not dissuade, so . . . .

Assess the situation and deal with it as safely as possible.  In the case of helping my friend move, I was checking the closets at the back of the apartment to make sure nothing was forgotten when the mover came into the room, stood between me and the door, and asked me for a date.  He wanted me to call him, oddly enough.  So I just graciously took his phone number, commented on how sweet it was, and left him feeling good so he wouldn't do anything to me while everyone else was busy outside . . . and then I threw it away after I left.  Oh yes, and I did let my friend know what had happened as soon as she came back in. 

Unfortunately, I don't know any women (trans* or cis) who have found a really good solution to unwanted male attention.  And it can be a safety issue.  I was, until my national rating went inactive, one of the top ten female chess players in Maryland.  I've had to stop going to my local chess club because of a guy who is very persistent in asking me for dates and started cyberstalking me.  For a while he friended me on Facebook and I let him.  It didn't last long because every time I posted anything, he'd respond by posting his fantasies about me being over at his house cooking for him and us watching the snow fall together and all sorts of other stuff.  It got to the point where I feel like going back to play chess at the club near me would be either highly awkward or maybe even unsafe.  Neither of those options is appealing. 

Unfortunately, this is part of what women have to navigate and finding good solutions to it is tough.

Kudos to the OP for raising the topic.  This has been a tough one for me to talk about in the trans* community because it is usually not taken seriously as an issue/problem/concern.  The usual reaction has been for people to say that they wish it would happen to them, so they can't imagine it being a problem.  So for all those who may be thinking that . . . Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. :)

Welcome to being a woman, basically.  Not defending the behavior, but there is a lot to put up with when you happen to be female in this world, and this is one of those annoying things.

There was that controversial youtube video a few weeks ago, where that woman showed the world what it was like to be a woman walking in NYC.  It was controversial because men, apparently, felt that she should feel complimented and lucky that they deigned to catcall her.   This is what ur up against.  They don't realize that even a hello from a stranger in certain context can make you feel on display and not just a person just being.

I do like guys, and I still find it annoying.  If I'm in a bar, yes please do hit on me, but if I'm just out and about, I just want to be left alone by strangers.  Unsolicited compliments immediately put me on the defensive, cuz they make me feel like a piece of meat in the midst of wolves.  It is way more intimidating than it is complimentary. Even a "hello" can make me feel that way.  There is a diff btwn hello and hello*wink wink wink*, I usually can tell the diff, but not always.  Would prefer to be left alone by rando straight guys, outside of the proper context aka a bar or on a date or dating site.

So if a guy doesn't go to bars or use dating sites, he is sol?  Sounds a bit extreme and unrealistic to me.

Quote from: Kylie on December 08, 2014, 12:38:19 PM
So if a guy doesn't go to bars or use dating sites, he is sol?  Sounds a bit extreme and unrealistic to me.

In a perfect world, yes.   Not realistic, just the way I wish it was.  I don't go to the grocery store to find a man.

I haven't been out long, so I haven't had to deal with this as a woman. I still seem to attract all the creeps, though, since everyone seems to pick up that I'm bi. I honestly always hate it when random people try to hit on me. Unless it's someone I'm comfortable with (which is never the case), I really don't even want to talk to them. I would feel bad for shutting people down if I weren't so creeped out by them. I'm sorry I have social anxiety problems, but I'm not going to get over it just because they are interested. They should save both of us some time and pain by just going about their business.

Quote from: BunnyBee on December 08, 2014, 12:49:51 PM
I don't go to the grocery store to find a man.

lol, exactly!

I'm only 2 weeks HRT so it hasn't happened yet, but even though I'm a lesbian I'm looking forward to it. No I'm not interested in them, but having them interested in me would be a big ego boost.

I am often downright cruel to any man who tries to approach me on the street.  VERY RARELY are these guys just being friendly or trying to pay a sincere compliment and not looking for anything in return.  As a woman you have to assume that men approaching you like this are going to be annoying at best and potentially dangerous at worst.

As far as noteworthy pick-up attempts go these two stand out in my memory:
1.  An elderly man who approached me in the grocery store and asked how much t would cost him to be intimate with me.
2.  A man who followed me in his car as I was walking down the street for a few blocks, driving past me, turning around, driving past again, puling over to the side of the road ahead of me and waiting for me to walk by (instead I crossed the street) and then pulling partially into a cross street as I tried to cross that one, blocking my path and forcing me to interact with him.  During all of this he kept yelling out his window trying to get me to into his car ("Do you need a ride anywhere??").  This was the experience that inspired me to start carrying pepper spray.

Quote from: spooky on December 08, 2014, 05:12:50 PM
I am often downright cruel to any man who tries to approach me on the street.  VERY RARELY are these guys just being friendly or trying to pay a sincere compliment and not looking for anything in return.  As a woman you have to assume that men approaching you like this are going to be annoying at best and potentially dangerous at worst.

As far as noteworthy pick-up attempts go these two stand out in my memory:
1.  An elderly man who approached me in the grocery store and asked how much t would cost him to be intimate with me.
2.  A man who followed me in his car as I was walking down the street for a few blocks, driving past me, turning around, driving past again, puling over to the side of the road ahead of me and waiting for me to walk by (instead I crossed the street) and then pulling partially into a cross street as I tried to cross that one, blocking my path and forcing me to interact with him.  During all of this he kept yelling out his window trying to get me to into his car ("Do you need a ride anywhere??").  This was the experience that inspired me to start carrying pepper spray.

That is terrifying :(.  I am thankful you came out of it safely.

Quote from: Hanazono on December 08, 2014, 07:41:37 PM
I try to discourage attention by dressing frumpy. nobody is interested me when I look like I'm heading to the market to buy fish. except the fishmonger.

It's not up to us to dress in bags to avoid harassment or assault.  The ownership of the bad behavior is on the person doing it, 100%.

You want to know the most embarrassing way I've been hit on, if you call it being hit on, more like confirming how pervy guys are.  I was driving down the road in a semi truck..ya, a semi truck, doing 65 mph and slowly passed another truck.  Apparently the guy saw me as I was dressed quite cute and makeup right this day.  He sped up and got side by side with my truck and stayed there letting his jake brake slow him down to keep by my window.  I could feel the heat in my face starting to rise and glanced to my right.  He was motioning to his hand where a ring would be and I shook my head no.  He then holds up a condom and motions forward as if saying lets f**k at the rest area up ahead.  I was soooo embarrassed I started shaking my head no and was waving for him to pass me.  He took off really quick and out of site.  After 30 minutes I see him coming up on my left and went red and started blushing once again as I knew this guy was persistent.  He must have pulled off at the rest area and waited for me to pass and catch back up.  I looked to my left and he was smiling at me and pointing down at his crotch in a gesture saying he wanted me to give him head Ó.ò ...you got to be kidding me, so hiding my face and blushing I waved him to go for a couple minutes and he left again.  That!!! Is my craziest moment being "hit on" so far.  Damn the guys can be pigs and stubborn at the same time.

Yea, that's exactly why I carry pepper spray and my buck knife on me. I'm training to be a truck driver and already I have had a guy do some creepy stuff. Driving in my car I once had a truck pass me with a co-driver leering at me. I ain't that pretty. So these drivers must be desperate in some cases. Lol.