Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay so my body is male. I want to be a girl a lot of times. I don't enjoy life as a male i would enjoy it more as female. I often get depressed that i cannot get outta this body. I don't really like males but i like females. I am scared that im gay even though i love when i feel cuddly and girly. But i would only cuddle with a girl as a girl.

Hi, welcome to the forum! While what you describe sounds trans to me I'd recommend having a chat with a gender therapist. It could be the best way to sort through your gender identity and sexual identity which are two separate aspects. :)

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that could help you:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190583.msg1697728.html#msg1697728


hugs

Quote from: BBGurl24 on June 29, 2015, 02:45:13 PM
Okay so my body is male. I want to be a girl a lot of times. I don't enjoy life as a male i would enjoy it more as female. I often get depressed that i cannot get outta this body. I don't really like males but i like females. I am scared that im gay even though i love when i feel cuddly and girly. But i would only cuddle with a girl as a girl.

Hi BBGurl. Welcome to Susan's.  :icon_wave:

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"Gay" usually refers to a man who is attracted to other men. Gay men generally don't want to become female.

Based on that, you don't sound gay to me.

A lot of transgender people talk about wanting to be female and wanting a woman's body, so that's the sort of thing I'd expect to hear if you're transgender.

Please keep posting. You'll find you have a lot in common with people here. It's a great place to learn what being transgender means and how to deal with it.

Some people find a gender therapist helpful, other people don't need one.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

Hi BBGurl24, welcome to Susan's. A therapist would be a great next step. I can remember those same feelings and thoughts coming in. There is no worse feeling than feeling trapped body your in when it doesn't match your gender identity. There is nothing wrong with being gay or a lesbian. Many on here and elsewhere are. I look forward to seeing you around the site. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

I do want to be a girl and I actually don't find myself attracted to men at all.

Welcome to Susan's place. It is possible to be gay after the surgery and there are some on this board who are like you. You are working with two ideas. Gender identity is who you want to go to bed as. Sexual preference is who you want to go to bed with. These are independent of each outer so it is acceptable for you to become a woman but desire what would be a lesbian relationship. Nothing in the rules requires you have a heterosexual relationship after the surgery as long as you don't desire to use the original equipment after surgery. You might also be BI after surgery or Asexual.

I started out crossdressing when I was 15yrs I tried to quit several times but I kept going back to it I own no male underwear at and my clothing I have is mostly female. I identify myself as female. Does that mean I am transgender?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I437Z using Tapatalk

Transgender is something you have to diagnose for yourself. In general it means being uncomfortable with your current gender and desiring to be the opposite gender. This needs to be sorted out in therapy but if you would like a more detailed look, go youtube and request "The transition channel". You will get a series of videos that will tell you the questions you need to ask yourself.

I found the so called "transition channel" to be a bit persuasive, perhaps encouraging,, which at the time I found it was actually helpful. But I would approach any source labelling itself as definitive information with at least a little skepticism.
Now the fun part. You might be bi gender AND gay which might make u double gay depending on your preference while identifying with either gender. Not trying to make it more confusing for you. on the contrary,, it might be more liberating to see that there are many possibilities and many happy "grey" areas into which one might fit or move between once one moves outside the binary. Either way,, happy discovery! You've come to the right place

I wanna be trans soooooo I can be a baby girl not male and I don't feel extremely uncomfortable but it's not my first choice. But I do have a strong desire to be a girl for every reason possible lol.

Quote from: BBGurl24 on June 29, 2015, 11:47:46 PM
I wanna be trans soooooo I can be a baby girl not male and I don't feel extremely uncomfortable but it's not my first choice. But I do have a strong desire to be a girl for every reason possible lol.

Be careful what you ask for because you might get it. It took me 8 year from initial visit to surgery, tons of money and a good deal work cleaning up my head. Was it worth it, YES YES YES.

Why be careful so I'm not trans umm well that ruined the mood :(

Quote from: BBGurl24 on June 30, 2015, 12:19:12 AM
Why be careful so I'm not trans umm well that ruined the mood :(

Transitioning is a good deal of hard work. With our help you can avoid many mistakes but I estimate the cost to end up with SRS to be over $100,000. If you are in school, study hard because you may need a good job to pay for all the medical cost.

Hmm so what am I? when I'm registering I don't know what gender to pick it's so conflicting am I trans at all :(

Go with your heart, if it changes, you can change the setting. If you really aren't sure, leave it along because the gender is only for show.

I'm done with this world never satisfied always anxious and I hate being a guy it's so boring and well not fun it makes life boring I can't do all kinds things like have long coloured hair and painted nails :(  :'( tbh I don't know why I'm here but I know one thing if I were a female things would start looking up but oh well and I'm almost 100% sure I felt this way at age 10 but it left for a bit and is now back but stronger and btw it's been back for 3 months now is this going away please say no

I know for me each time it came back stronger. So I would doubt that it will go away. You might get to a point where it can be managed without dealing it, but when that happens it comes back with a force later. Hugs
Mariah

I can only make my best guess but I think you are a transexual. Having talked with hundreds over the years you are showing the signs of it. As I said, only you can tell us for sure and you will only become sure by learning more about yourself. If you are transexual, it never goes away because it is part of your brain that can't be changed. I am 63 years old and I still like being a girl. I first knew it in 6th grade so I was a bit later knowing about it.

I have a question for you. Do your parents know yet?

One problem when you say think I doubt that I'm trans and then I get unhappy

We only say we think because we can't tell you that. It has to come from you and not us. It's highly likely that you are trans because you wouldn't be questioning your birth gender if you weren't. Hugs
Mariah

Transsexualism is a strange medical condition where the patient tell the doctor what is wrong. Everything else the doctor tell the patient what is wrong. Just consider how many of the people in your school would be looking for a website like Susan's place. I would guess that you are the only one. People only look for this web site if they know something is wrong and they want to learn more. When I say I think that means I am about 99% sure.

I have always questioned my gender.
Hugs from Beverley

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Okay so trying something again I'm trying to completely suppress it because someone online said I was never trend to begin with but lemme just say it's hard it takes constant control or the thoughts of being female slowly creep back into my mind advice please

You never will be able to suppress it. I went from age 13 when I first understood I was a transexual until about age 27 when I found a good treatment program attempting to contain those emotions. I tried everything I could think of and the desire to be a girl would come back even stronger. It was only after I started to become a woman that these emotion no longer hurt and I was happy in life. I think you will be one of those who will not be happy until you are living life as a woman.

I've just recently begin to think what if its fading because well the feeling goes down and then comes back strongly when triggered.

I had my surgery many years ago and I can work on the computer or pay bills and not think about being feminine but all it takes is one good stretch and the pleasure of being a woman comes back. The best solution for you to start therapy as soon as possible so any further changes to your body can be prevented. The younger you start this process, the better the results and the fewer years you will live with the uncomfortable feeling you have. You might be able to fight the feelings for a while but they will always be there. People on this board have fought with the feeling for 50 or 60 years and they regret the many years they would have been happy if they addressed this when they were younger. You can avoid this mistake and we are here to help you as much as we can. Please stop trying to fight the feeling and works with us.

I'm terrified that my trans is fading the desire has kinda gone down and I'm afraid it's even gone! And I think about it less I wanna be trans so I can be a girl badly. Do cis people want to be trans

CIS people never question their sexual identity and they are always comfortable with who and what they are. Because you have these thoughts, because you search the web to understand more about these thoughts we know you are doing something that a CIS wouldn't do so we are pretty sure you are transgender. Now there are a few conditions were people will do something like this but most of the time we can tell when we are dealing with one of these people. You on the other hand have all the bells ringing in my head that say you are transgender and nothing else. As a transgender this feeling will never leave you but sometimes it may fade to the background for a while. The sooner you face it and get treatment the happier you will be.

Are you sure I'm not just a cisguy that wants to be a transgirl?

Can I say 100% that you are not? No. What I do know is that no CIS male wants to become a woman. They are happy with what is between their legs and want to keep it. A CIS male doesn't get up in the morning wanting to be a girl. They wake up thinking how hot they are and try to figure out how they can win the heart of a girl. We are the only ones who wake up in the morning unhappy with our current gender and want to change it. As long as your post are saying what you feel inside I know you are not CIS. Much of the first 30 years of my life I felt the same thing you are feeling. That is why I know you so well. Post surgical I feel like a CIS in that I am female in both mind and body. I no longer desire to be a woman because I am a woman.

Past time for bed as it's almost midnight.

Am I lying? I'm not sure I want to be a girl so badly that I feel the feelings.
Also if I got to choose which gender I got at birth my mind first said girl but now it's fighting and challenging that which makes me extremely depressed just let it stay female mind gosh!
I'm afraid that I'm lying now    :'(
Please help I feel I'm getting nowhere
Btw I know I wanna be a cisgirl but now my mind is challenging that and now I'm terribly afraid that that's a lie too nothing good like being female would ever happen in my life! Guess I'm not trans  :'(

I think you are a girl inside and will not be happy until the outside matches the inside. You have two options. The first is do nothing and remain the way you are feeling the way you are. The second is to do something about it. That will take getting your parents involved and getting you into therapy. Once they understand what you feel, medical treatment will be come available. It will take several years but in that time, you should be permitted to live as a girl to make sure that's the life you really want.

If you decide on the second option, we can help you tell your parents and if you parents are willing, they can join the board and we will talk with them directly. You now have a very adult decision to make. Do you have so much fear and doubt that you don't want help or are you going to be brave and deal with these problems so you will be happy in life.

I had to make this decision many years ago and I decided I wanted to be happy.

Im a little too scared but a few things to note.
I've looked at the way girls try to stand and do the same thing i copy them.
I wear shirts but i rip the collar so they expose my right shoulder.
Im growing my hair out long even though its not soft and velvety :(
I don't often think about my trans but it always comes back especially when triggered

As humans we are all different and we each have our own view of what being feminine is. One example is I drive a Mustang and I think it's acceptable for a woman to drive a mustang. My neighbor who knows my past says I should get rid of my mustang and get a more womanly car. I tell them the car stays. If those acts make you feel more like a girl then that is you idea of what being a girl is. It isn't for me to judge what you think is feminine.

The feeling of being a man or a woman in CIS people comes and goes as well. When they are working, they are thinking about what it takes to do the job. They trigger on any number of things as well and that makes the man or woman come out in them. The difference between CIS and us is before treatment the triggering is painful because we feel something we are not. For me now the triggering is pleasant because my body matches my mind. 

When its triggered for me its very painful it feels like a knife is pressed up against my throat its very uncomfortable like if i see a girl that i want in my life i would gladly marry her as her if you know what i mean. When its triggered it makes me feel like i want to be a girl then i get depressed and then i feel im not trans because nothing that good could ever happen to me.
Btw. trans is good because it means i don't have to be a guy anymore!

Now you understand you are transexual. The question is what are you going to do about it. All I can do is answer questions and educate you. Do you want to be a girl bad enough to do something about it?

Im holding on to my transsexualism for dear life im terrified its going to go crawling away!!!!!!!!!!!  :'(

There is no need to fear losing it because it will always be apart of you. The woman in me is still there after almost 50 years and I made no special effort to hang on to it. Everybody not new to this board will agree with me. I will not lie to you because I was once your age feeling the same thing you do now. I know the only way to make you happy is to stop fighting the feelings you are having and allow them to become a part of you. You may not remember it but this has always been a part of you from the day you were born and will be with you as long as you live.

I know you say it's not going away but I feel like it's fading I think about it less and sometimes I wonder how I can be a girl like I think it's not me or it's not possible  :'( like I'm terrified

It's called doubt and it's your biggest enemy. As I have said before, may people transition much latter in life such as 50 or 60 years of age. They are very much like you and felt what you did at an early age. Instead of accepting what they were, they looked at their body instead of their mind and said I can't be what I feel I am, so they force themselves back into their birth gender. Some did this for many years until they were much older and now they are dealing with the doubt and finally accepting themselves.

I always knew what I was but the money and the treatment programs weren't available at that time so I had to wait until I was an adult and I could move to where the treatment program was. I also needed a good job so I could earn a great deal of money to pay for my medical care. That was really hard on me because every day I had to fight my feeling just to get through the day.

Are trans dreams normal before I thought I was trans I had a srs dream and a few dreams of being a girl some erotic kinda annoy me now is that normal and I'm doubting again I'm doubting that I felt it early on In life like age 9 or 10 help

Dreams are only important if they explain something to you about you life. Most of the time they don't so be careful about thinking dreams are important. I have had many dream that were like watching TV. They were entertaining but they didn't have any meaning to me.

The problem with early memories of being transexual is sometimes they are hard to see. I thought for many years I became transexual in 6th grade and there was noting before that. It was only looking at my early childhood that I saw I was very strange for a boy. While I wore male clothes, I liked nice clothes and didn't like blue jeans. I was like a mother and took care of the little kids. I didn't like sports but liked to play quite with girls and I was well behaved. I didn't feel like I was in the wrong body because i didn't understand the difference yet. I did act more like a girl than a boy. Puberty just woke me up to the fact that there was a difference between boys and girls but the rest of me was still the same.

If it helps. When I was young I denied feeling feminine in any way. I blocked it out and tried to be an average guy. I got teased and bullied in school and was accused of being gay and not understanding why. Apparently I had a lot of feminine mannerisms that I didn't see. So, many years later I've finally become honest with myself. Now I have a lifetime of learned male camouflage to reverse. It's not easy. I did a good job, but I was mostly fooling myself.
Be thankful that your in an era of acceptance. If I would have had a better understanding of myself and not had all the negative attitudes about not being like all the other boys, life would have been a lot better.
Live the life you want and follow your heart. Good luck




Ella

Yeah no that doesn't sound like me I never acted like a girl so maybe it is something my mind just made up I played with boys and girls well I'm actually kinda sad that I might not be trans at all because early life is what dictates that right I did paint my thumbnail pink but got embarrassed in public I'm growing my hair out and sometime this year before I thought I was trans I actually though I had breasts that we're gonna grow and I don't know why my mind keeps creating thoughts of I don't want to be a girl and that upsets me I think I always deny those thoughts because I like thinking I'm a girl even though I'm not :(
I want to be trans so I can be a girl

You are young and very new to these feelings. Much of your life has been fitting into the male role so this training keeps coming back and saying we are supposed to act like a boy and boys don't act like girls. It's a fight we all have and I fought the battle for about as many years as you have been alive. The girl side will not get any weaker and may get stronger over time making the battle even worst. Fighting this battle hurts your mind and the longer you fight it, the more damage you have. Fixing the damage when you are older is harder and takes more time. At your age, very little damage has been done and treatment would be much easer.

Now even though I knew I was a girl inside, I still recall the first time I went out side dressed as a woman. It was hard for me to open that door and walk out because the fear somebody would spot me and say hurtful words. It didn't happen and over time I became very comfortable in the role of a woman. Even though you want to be a women, you still have to accept the fact you are one and learn how to be one. It's not hard but it takes some time becoming comfortable being a woman.

You need to stop say you want to be trans because you are. I can see it in you and if you don't, it's because you are fighting it. CIS people don't walk around wanting to be the other gender. The fact that you want to be a girl with all your heart tells us you are not a CIS and you are one of us. The only question we have is what do you want to do about it.

Seek out some gender therapy. To have such a strong desire is not something a cis male does. Figure out why you feel this way and try to be honest. Only you will know who you are, but sometimes it helps to speak with someone that can help you sort your feelings. This site is a great support and information source, but it can't give you the in depth help a therapist can.
Good luck and remember, there is no definitive way to be trans. You are unique. We all are.
Hugs



Ella

So you can see it in me that im a girl? I hope so i think.
It gets worse at night like the dysphoria and depression i feel more like i wan't to be a girl at night aswell but its always there. I've known it for 3 months now.

Because I have seen many like us it only takes a few little things to tell me if somebody is a brother or sister. In the many post you have made it is very clear to me that you are a sister and you will never be happy as you are. Without treatment you will be lucky of the dysphoria and depression gets any better. I think it will stay the same or get worst. You have only had this for 3 month which make you very new to it. You are like me because you discovered with puberty. I don't know for sure but I think you may never be able to hide this feeling from yourself. You need to think about this and decide what you want to do about it. Let us know first because we may be able to help you.

The 9th through the 16 of this month I may not be on the board so don't expect any answers to you post in that time range until the 17th.

Hey Gurl,

I identify with you quite a lot.  Sounds to me like you're trans & femme-attracted.  My dad used to joke about being a "lesbian trapped in a man's body."  Uh... yeah, that's me now.  One of the worst experiences, for me, is having flinched from my wife's touch because she flirtatiously fondled my bicep... both the feeling of flinching away from a caring touch, and seeing the look on her face...

I had a long period of gender fluidity where I was having waves of accepting / not accepting myself for who I was.  Take it slow, be yourself, and do what feels right.  I'm more or less nonbinary, but drifting toward female-identified more of the time.  Dunno where I'll "end up", but I'm trying to just be me day to day.

For some reason my identities strength varies sometimes im all girl and sometimes not so much and at night is when i feel the most out of the depression why? And when you said i was a sister i felt good although the T made me a little excited but i still ignored it and felt the effect of feeling satisfied

I don't feel like a girl all the time either but in your case, you have depression and the girl feeling at the same time. I didn't fully understand your question but there are two possibilities.
The depression can drive the girl feeling away or a strong girl feeling can make you feel depressed because you can't be a girl.
With proper treatment the depression goes way but the girl feeling remains. Sometimes you need to do something like take a test at school and the girl feeling would wait for you to do the test. Other times such as trying on a new dress, the girl feeing would be stronger.
Understanding one feeling is hard but when you get two or more feeling at the same time it gets really hard.

The doubting won't go away i think how is it me when there are so many people to have it? help!?

Go away?  Maybe not.  But with work, you can learn to recognize that voice for what it is, and ignore it.

I just don't know how you guys see the trans in me if i can't even really see it. im like i wan't to see it and cherish being a girl but i don't see it in me.

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 05, 2015, 10:32:37 PM
The doubting won't go away i think how is it me when there are so many people to have it? help!?

Nobody really understands why one person in 600 turns out to be transexual but I know you are. In so may ways I was once like you are and had many of the feeling that you have. The only way to deal with the doubt is therapy where the doctors will understand the fight that is going on in you head and help bring peace to your thoughts. There is no risk of losing the girl feeling and it will always be with you but there is no reason you need to live with the depression, doubt or dysphoria. Therapy can make the last three go away without touching the girl feeling.

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 05, 2015, 10:40:03 PM
I just don't know how you guys see the trans in me if i can't even really see it. im like i wan't to see it and cherish being a girl but i don't see it in me.

All of us had many years of living with those feelings so we know them when we see them. You have only lived with the feelings for 3 months. I lived with it hurting the same as you for 14 years. I have lived with it not hurting for over 33 years. It has been with me all these years and it lets me see it in others.

I love the word girl and I don't know what to say to people on games that ask if I'm really a girl again that makes me doubt my trans that's my first question is that normal and I am jealous of other girls as well and i never played sports tried em but didnt like em and I was terrified of the boys and the basketballs I was a very timid little thing didn't want to get into fights terrified of getting hurt

Don't get to hung up on the word trans. Transexual only means you wish to change your birth sex to match what your brain feels. I don't think you are happy as a boy and really want the body of a girl. Now here is where it gets a little tricky. I am not a Transexual because I had my surgery and I am happy with my body the way it is. You can say I was transexual or I am a post surgical transexual but not that I am currently a transexual. Tricky, isn't it. Don't worry about it if you use the wrong term to describe me because I do understand that you know very little about this.

You are confused because you have the brain of a girl and the body of a boy. Even adults have a bit of a problem with that so here on the web site we have a strange way of handling it. If we are in public, we are what ever gender we appear as. For example a MtF still wearing mens clothes is a man but if wearing female clothes is a female. Here on the web site, we are what ever gender and name we say we are. I refer to you as a girl if I discuss you with anybody else because that is what I think you want to be called. If I am wrong in calling you a girl, please let me know but I think I have this one right.

As for gaming you are free to decide how you want to appear and nobody will see you anyway. I have another web site I post on as a female but only two people there are aware of my past and I only told them because they were very special. You only need to tell the people you want to tell.

Girls do play sports but I am like you that I have almost no interest in sports. I walk and I shoot shot guns in competition  and that might be considered sports but the normal sports like baseball, basket ball and foot ball never interested me. As for fights, I had a younger brother and sister so it was common for them to fight with me. I never wanted or liked the fights but I didn't have any option other than fighting with them.

I like the pronouns for girls and don't like the boy ones... Also if my trans left me which means if i lost insight of who i am or stopped feeling like a girl i would feel sad. And when i see a pretty girl i wan't her body not only to have her as a gf but be her aswell.

By the way, you should have enough post to go into the profile and make yourself a girl. Also if you have a female first name you want to be called by, you can put that in the banner area and people will pick up on it when posting with you.

I need help I feel emotional distress when you give me a choice to pick male or female I feel terrible I just want you to pick female for me and I don't ever want this to go away if I am female because it makes me feel well it's a nice feeling

BBGURL I think should take your time, especially when you are having issues with doubt. Inform yourself on what it means to be trans, explore your feelings, and try to recognize what the source of your doubt is. I see this is in the youth section and I realize that you might be in a hurry to either stop or prevent puberty. It's hard I know, but I think you have to move at a pace that doesn't flip the world upside down in very little time. Moving too fast can be to much change all at once. Give your emotions time to catch up to your mind. It's a lot to comprehend.

I would recommend seeing a gender therapist. They can help you with your doubt and they can help you find doctors if a medical transition is right for you.

Also move at your own pace. Nothing about a transition is fast paced the hormones usually work pretty slow. There is no list of things that you have to do first in order to transition successfully, aside from surgery in some State/countries.

You don't have to pick anything now if you don't want to. There are may people on this web site like you that haven't started to change their gender yet who pick the gender they want to be. If you change your mind, you can change the setting. I just thought you might like a pink box with an F by your name but that is for you to decide.

If you want to set it, you go to the top of the screen where it says profile and pick form profile. that is where you can change the setting.

I wish i could have been just a "normal" cis-girl  :'(
Im starting to highly doubt my trans from depression im actually starting to convince myself that im not trans at all but it never works. Im trying all i can to stop it but oh well. When i hear the word girl or her or she even on someone else i feel weird like jealousy but depression and weirdness as well. I don't know what to do whenever i look at a form what do i pick. I wan't to pick female. I think. but when my mind says i am male or not female i really try hard to recover by putting i am female thoughts in my head so very depressing.  :'(

You don't have to pick anything or you can put it up and if you don't like how it looks, you can take it back down again. The decision is yours.
If it troubles you to much, don't change it now, just remember you can change it if you want.

With my luck something beautiful and amazing such as being a girl could never happen to me so therefore its not possible. I have the worst luck in the world.

It can happened but it take a bunch of work. I did it and it's far easer to do today that it was when I did it. I also know how to do it and am willing to help you in any way I can. Others on the web site will do the same. We only need you to ask us for our help and then do what we tell you to do.

Pink looks good on you :)

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 06, 2015, 01:16:20 PM
With my luck something beautiful and amazing such as being a girl could never happen to me so therefore its not possible. I have the worst luck in the world.

Just try to calm down, and simply enjoy things if you like them.
Concerning luck, its internal restraints that make such things happen.
Try to relax and it will get better.
Of course you are a girl. Just enjoy and try to relax.

hugs

Wow have i lost insight of who i am today. Just Wow.  :'(
How was i even trans in the first place.
Sure ive always been timid and am timid but wow. just wow
Btw your all lucky to be girls when i have to face this

I hope that's a good thing.
What do you want to do next?

Its not a good thing i've lost insight of the girl in me. Shes gone running off somewhere i gotta find her. Shes so awesome. I wan't to bring her back and put her back into me.

She is a little scared and after she calms down she will be back.

Whenever im not depressed or anxious and i do girl activities is when i feel her the most. Its awesome such a pleasurable and cherishable experience

Good  :)

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 06, 2015, 01:40:49 PM
Its not a good thing i've lost insight of the girl in me. Shes gone running off somewhere i gotta find her. Shes so awesome. I wan't to bring her back and put her back into me.

Yes... you will always find her.

My remarks were meant encouraging. If you listen to your feelings, what gives you joy, you will always be able to contact her.

Its when people begin to doubt that things might happen... which might let them think of not so good luck.
Its like when you get nervous and start to tremble, that some things get spilled. Just try to relax and remain calm and things will be ok.

hugs

The fact that you want her back tell me she is still inside of you and that there are two girls inside of you. The one girl that makes you happy and the girl that wants that feeling back. I am sure you are a girl.

So if i wasn't trans i wouldn't want to be a girl? so like i would enjoy being a guy?
Because i don't enjoy it one bit i can't even act girly at all.

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 06, 2015, 01:55:43 PM
So if i wasn't trans i wouldn't want to be a girl? so like i would enjoy being a guy?
Because i don't enjoy it one bit i can't even act girly at all.

That is correct. If you were a guy inside you wouldn't have either of the two girls inside you. You would never think of it. The fact that you are trans means you have both these girls that want to come out all the time. They want to get out so bad that it causes you to be depressed. My girls got out a long time ago and when they did, the depression ended and I am only happy inside.

Im only depressed right now because i have a feeling like one of them went shopping while the other is trying to find her. So now i don't feel girl at all and it doesn't feel good at all i feel happy when i feel all girl.

You should't be depressed because she will be back. You just did something really big and really scary and the other girl will need a little time to get over it. I am sure she will be back if you give her a little time.

What did i do thats big and scary? i forget
Are you sure i just don't wanna be a girl and am just getting these confused because i wan't to be a cute girl.

You marked the box that said you were female and then you really understood you are transexual and that you are a girl inside. You admitted to the fact these feelings are real. That is something very important and we have people who are 50 or 60 years old coming to this web site because they did it for the first time. You did it at age 14. That was very hard but very good.

Would a guy mark the box for female ever?
and with that 1 girl gone i feel like i have lost a part of me for a while and there is a hole in me that only that special girl can fit into thats how i feel

That girl is hiding for a bit. I don't have that girl all the time either but she still visits me at special times and makes them all the more special. She will come back sometimes when you think about her or when you are getting dressed up or maybe even if you find someone to fall in love with one day. She may even come back tonight for a visit.

I get the cutest image when i saw your post of she is hiding i see a little girl behind a couch hiding. its adorable.

She is still with you and may come out sooner than you think. Take some time to think about things and let us know if you want our help.

Accept your inner female

I recently attempted to purge my trans but now I feel like I can't accept it again and is it normal that I'm not so focused on the genitals as much as the feelings

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 06, 2015, 04:42:54 PM
I recently attempted to purge my trans but now I feel like I can't accept it again and is it normal that I'm not so focused on the genitals as much as the feelings

The only issue I have with my genitals is the fact that they produce the wrong hormones. Its the rest of my body that needed to change. Nothing else needed to change.

It's hard to accept yourself so just hang in there it really will get easier :-)

Quote from: amber roskamp on July 06, 2015, 04:52:00 PM
The only issue I have with my genitals is the fact that they produce the wrong hormones. Its the rest of my body that needed to change. Nothing else needed to change.

It's hard to accept yourself so just hang in there it really will get easier :-)

Yes I agree

You shouldn't try to purge your trans because all you do is delay dealing with it. You are very young and dealing with it is much better when you are young. I was twice your age before I could find the medical help I needed and that made the process much more costly, painful and the results weren't as good as they could have been.
The truth is to do what I did was hard work and if you didn't have some fear about it, it wouldn't be normal. You have lived almost all you life without these feeling and for the last three months you have felt them. They are so new that you are having a hard time accepting that they are real. You have to take my word, the word of a total stranger who you didn't know until a few weeks ago that this is real and it isn't going away. I can understand that you don't trust me or the feeling you have because of this. The fact that you are still talking with me is a good thing because I do know what is happening and I also wish you didn't have to go through it. I felt the same pain many years ago and I know what you feel is real and you can't get rid of it no matter how hard you try. You can keep putting it off till tomorrow but it isn't going to get any better or you can deal with it. I can offer you the two options but this is a case where you will have to be very adult and make up your mind what you want to do. I know the best path will be working with your parents and getting you medical help but I can't force you to do anything. For the most part, this board will never try to find out who you are or who your parents are so the decision can only be made by you.

I still have memories of when I was your age. It hurts me inside when I work with one of you because it triggers those memories but I do this because I don't want you to have the pain that I had. I am willing to suffer the same pain to keep the pain from you. I know the doctors can make the pain go away and will leave the girl behind.

I just saw something that sparked my jealousy for being a girl. And btw i am a timid little thing. :)

What is it? You do understand that you could become one.

I feel like my trans is fading I'm scared I feel just kinda weird and I am afraid that the girls in me are leaving

Well... relax... calm down... and you will feel them :)

The girls are not leaving you. The first girl comes and goes when she wants. The second girl is you and always will be with you. You couldn't see the second girl because the first girl was drawing all your attention from the second girl. You will find the second girl is just as important to you as the first but she is much more quite. Just take some time and get to know the second girl and I think you will like her but for different reasons.

Okay question one out of two why does the thought of telling someone I'm not a girl or the thought of I'm not a girl come into my mind it brings distress and question number two why do I feel like I would cut my hair off when I grow it out I'm growing it out to the top of my bottom btw and that also brings me distress because I love my hair

Girl number 2 is the real you. You don't have a boy on the inside, only on the outside. You have been told for many years that you are a boy on the inside and outside but people couldn't see that you are girl on the inside.
Now when you try to tell someone that you are a boy, girl number two disagrees with that and it makes you unhappy. You are an honest person and it feels like you are lying because you feel the girl on the inside.
As for cutting your hair off, I suspect both girl number 1 and number 2 like long hair. The problem is you also feel from your parent, friends and others who see the boy on the outside that your hair should be short. You want to make others happy but you also want to make the girls inside happy as well. Because both want different things, you can't make everybody happy so you are unhappy.

Is it possible that since ive never had a girlfriend i want to be a girl. And btw the triggers suck i just keep watching vids that trigger it and i get extremely jealous.

You are the way you are because of something that happened before you were born. Not having a girlfriend has nothing to do with it. Many of us do get jealous of women because they were lucky enough to be born female and we weren't. I view it more as a mistake was made with me and I should have been born female as well. My solution to the problem was changing me into a woman and not being jealous of other people.

When you get over you jealousy, you will stop triggering. You need to accept that thing are the way they are and jealousy helps nothing. Jealousy is a bad thing to have because it makes you want things that aren't yours.

Why do i sometimes feel as if the feeling is fading or going away

This is because you concentrate on something else.

For example if you are nervous...

but this is normal.

Just try to relax and know she will always be there. If you calm down you will always feel her.

Its just if you are nervous or another emotion is in the foreground its a bit more difficult.

Know that she will be always there.

If you relax you can feel it.


hugs

These new feelings are like happy and sad. You are not happy or sad all the time and you also don't feel girl all the time. What is important to know is that you do feel girl some of the time and it makes you unhappy when you look at yourself and you see a boy instead of a girl. That is what a Transexual is. CIS don't have feelings like this and that is why we are different than CIS.

Now im doubting that im unhappy being a guy :/

Most people don't feel female all the time... just relax.

Question is would make having a bit more female body make you a bit more happy ?

A quick question for you. If you could be born a boy or a girl, which would you pick?

Oh gosh I honestly don't know since I'm doubting every thing right now but before I've said I wished I had a choice so I could choose differently

This is very new to you but you can think about it. We don't need an answer now. I think after a little while you will decide you want to be born as a girl. The fact that you aren't sure means the girl inside you is fighting with people saying you are a boy. As time goes on, I think the girl will get stronger.

What would cis say

CIS would answer what ever they are as soon as you ask the question. There would have no doubt in there mind.

So I have no reason to doubt my trans at all? Because I feel I'm not and that makes me depressed

No one can tell you if your trans or not. Only you can decide that, but if your questioning your gender at all then your most likely trans because CIS people don't questions there gender generally.

Well... in my eyes you are a bit nervous.

Don't be. You are ok as you are. Just try to be yourself, with all the girls inside you.


A good and reliable gender therapist could help you. They have experience in support and could help making this all more stable and easy.

If you would tell us your area we could look up some. Only if you want to...

And here are a few good gender therapists online for few money:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=187135.0

This are just suggestions trying to be helpful... just think about it...


And no you have no reason to doubt  :)

hugs

I dunno I wish I were trans but I just don't know anymore guess not because of luck reasons

As I said you are very new to this. I remember very little about what was going on in my head 3 months after I first felt it but I know I was unsure just like you are. When you know the answer to the question, you will tell us. In the last two days you have made great progress. You can think about these things and you are not in fear and pain. That is the first step to understanding what you are. This is not like school were you are taught an answer and you have to write on a test. This takes time to figure out and now you know what the question is you need to answer, you can work on it. Many adults go to therapy for help answering this question. If you want to think about it a while, take you time. We will be here when you have an answer or need help.

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 08, 2015, 03:13:18 PM
I dunno I wish I were trans but I just don't know anymore guess not because of luck reasons

I think you are but you have to believe it for yourself. This takes time and I think you will come up with the right answer. People 50 and 60 years old are just figuring it out. I am sure you are going to come up with an answer much faster.

I don't know am I just in love and admire a girls body or I don't know I'm super jealous after watching this video I feel like I will never come up with a good answer meaning girl I don't want to come up with boy as the answer I think

This is why a therapist would be great for you. They can help you sort through all of that. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 08, 2015, 03:30:34 PM
I don't know am I just in love and admire a girls body or I don't know I'm super jealous after watching this video I feel like I will never come up with a good answer meaning girl I don't want to come up with boy as the answer I think

I'm not ready to see a therapist yet I have to ready my mind to get the fact of I might actually not be a girl / trans and I'm just not ready

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 08, 2015, 03:58:31 PM
I'm not ready to see a therapist yet I have to ready my mind to get the fact of I might actually not be a girl / trans and I'm just not ready

That is what a therapist does. They help you answer this type of question much faster than you can do it yourself. If you can't answer this question after thinking about it, then you may need a therapist to help. By the way, this is a good question for girl number 1 when she is around. If you decide you want a therapist, let us know and we will tell you how to get help.

I'm afraid I wasn't a girl in the first place but oh well

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 08, 2015, 04:31:08 PM
I'm afraid I wasn't a girl in the first place but oh well

This is all completely understandable.

Just try to get used to the thought you are a girl. Its all right.

Cis people do not have those thoughts being a girl.

In my opinion you could try to relax.

Take consciously a few deep breaths.
One...
another one...
and another one...

better now ?


As Dena said, a good therapist would help you calm down.
But its up to you, if you think you want a bit more time.

You can try to do this, too. Consciously relaxing.
And taking a few deep breaths.
Like One...
and another one...
and another one...

hope you feel better now  :)

hugs

So what are the chances I'm actually trans and this is one of those awful doubting periods

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 08, 2015, 06:21:52 PM
So what are the chances I'm actually trans and this is one of those awful doubting periods

Lets put it this way if I'd made your posts - and I was reading my own posts in this thread I'd be forced tell myself the chances are no less than 100% because nothing else would make any sort of sense at all.

However the catch here is that I'm NOT inside your head, nor is anyone else reading this, and hence we cannot tell you that. Only you know your own mind.

The question am I gay or trans has only one possible answer namely :- "You are whatever you decide."

Well I'm jealous of girls for every reason possible and I see no reason to stay male at all I think I'm just doubting

Okay so doubting sucks because thinking I'm a girl is the best thing ever and I wish I identified as female

I think you have answered your own question and I think you now see in you what we see in you. The next thing you will have to think about is are you ready to tell your parents. If you are, let us know first and we will help you with information that will help you explain this to your parents. Your parents may not know very much about this and you are still learning. We can help you with letters that will do a better job explaining what you feel. Also we are willing to talk to your parents like we talk with you. They can create their own account so they will be separate from yours and we can teach them what they need to know to get the best treatment for you.

The decision is yours so let us know what you think.

Okay I just did yes no random spinners and when I got yes for am I a girl I was so happy and when I got no I kept trying until I got yes and yes I know they are fake but cis wouldn't try to get female and be happy when he got it he would try to get no

I have never heard of it being tested that way before but you are correct about the feelings. A CIS would want it to come up the same sex they are.

Please tell me it's just one of those doubting periods because I wanna stay a transgirl forever

Its just a short period :)

If you relax you will have your original feelings, which are always there.

I'm going to socially transition in the workplace, at a career job.  I'm an academic, where my life depends on my publication record, which bears my boy name.  I'll never be stealth.  I accept that I'll never fully pass: I'll "forever" be trans.  I've encountered several people like me.  That's removed a lot of my stress surrounding transition.  I don't want ffs.  Well, I'm not gonna pass anyway, so I don't feel a need for ffs.

Point is, you can draw the line on your transition where ever you feel comfortable.  There's a whole spectrum of options out there, and full-blown 100% passing mtf with all the surgeries, all the treatments, all the training, is only one.

Im feeling her more and more i think the doubting is just a phase.

I wanna be a transgirl btw. but i would rather have been born a girl much easier

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 09, 2015, 12:51:39 PM
Im feeling her more and more i think the doubting is just a phase.

Good  :)

Feels like a battle in my head. Like i wan't to be a girl but i am doubting for really no reason like there is no reason to doubt. I hate when people say that only i know because i wan't people to choose for me like i would hope they would choose female but oh well.

Well if you hope they would chose female there is what you want  :)

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 09, 2015, 01:18:50 PM
Feels like a battle in my head. Like i wan't to be a girl but i am doubting for really no reason like there is no reason to doubt. I hate when people say that only i know because i wan't people to choose for me like i would hope they would choose female but oh well.

Yeah but the point is what you are looking for is someone else to take responsibility for the decision so that if it turns out to be wrong you can blame them - and that's not how life works. Life doesnt come with a guarrantee that everything will always work out, sometimes we all make what, with hindsight, seem like terrible errors - For example I did when I left a certain job that I loved...  but thats when you have to dig deep and make it work for you anyway.

Any fool can take a good decision and make it work - it takes a particular skill to take a BAD decision and make that work out! So part of being a mature human being is learning to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your own life - and if you arent yet at the point where you are prepared to do that then I fear you arent yet mature enough to decide this. (And please understand this is about maturity NOT AGE!)

I took that decision at age FIVE - I left people in no doubt that this was what I wanted - and since that time (fifty years now) I've made it my business to make that decision work for me, which is why you will never hear me join in with all the moaners and groaners who complain about how tough it all is. For most people life just IS hard whatever choices you make, and without any gender questions being involved, but we all have to get on with it and own our choices. Thats what being an adult means.

So you won't find anyone who will make that decision for you, and if you do you would a complete fool to listen to them, because its YOUR life not theirs, and YOU are the one who will have to make it work.

Sorry that isnt want you want to hear, but please recognise that it is the truth.

Laura should i try to remove all the girl from me since im already doubting her for like 2 or 3 days?

No... she is part of you...

phases of doubt may come and go... just try to calm down.

Try to relax and do a few things you like...

And you could try to get used to her... in a calm way... just feeling it...

How much longer is this whole doubting thing its so painful even when i don't think about it i feel the effects of it.

Well by now you know what it is...
you can feel her...

its just thoughts that are doubtful, that interfere.
Just let them come and go and disregard them.

Could i be non-binary but identify strongly with the female pronouns?
Like demigirl almost?
But i know my long hair will be awesome and i like acting feminine i also would try to mimic how the girls would stand, walk and more
I still want a female body.
I may be genderfluid going from neutral to female back and forth that seems what happens to me.

Well important is if you want a female body...

you don't have to feel female all the time...

I'm enjoying my time as non binary but my biggest fear is going back to male

I better not be going back to male please noooooooooooo
Keep me non-binary i like it here its comfy.
Little weird to have something new but its comfy.
I don't want to like the male pronouns and the male label.
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i feel bad but i like my label right now Queer
Do i have a choice? I feel like someones trying to pull me to male and it hurts.

Oh honey... you really sound so much like me a few months ago... now I feel largely the same way, but I'm more okay with it, and less fluid.

This is something that I've thought about for over a year and a half.  I'm sure, and I'm starting to act.  I'm seeking HRT.  I'm making an electrolysis appointment tomorrow.  I want a more female body, I want to rid myself of the male pronouns and the male label.  I still have trouble making sentences with them/they, so I prefer female pronouns.  But I don't identify as a woman.  I feel like a tomboy.  I will never be submissive or passive.  My baritone voice seems impossible to change.  Feminizing my every gesture and motion seems unnatural to me, and a ludicrous amount of effort.  So, I'm likely to be pretty damned manly.  But sometimes I like to doll myself up a bit, and if it makes boys squirm, all the better.

What you want is valid.  What you're subconsciously drawn to is valid.  You're a person.  Treat yourself like one!  Like it or not, first order of business is always "what gender?" So you need to learn to accept your own gender, before you can even tell what it is.  If you're like me, you don't have a "choice" inasmuch as you are what you are.  But you can find choices to make, and those will empower you.  You can choose your presentation day to day, or for contexts (work, hiking, shopping, some bars, other bars).  Or you can just choose one and stick with it.  I've been rocking a boy above / girl below the belt thing for a little while.  I kinda like it.  It's summer, so that's meant just a skirt and flip-flops a couple of times.

Nonbinary folk are pioneers, every single one of us.  We're not falling into one of the same two holes that 99.9% of humanity is stuck in.  Pioneering is scary, hard work.  Sometimes, the nonbinary, or the woman in you, will get scared off, or tired of the fight, or tired of the effort, and go into hiding for a while... or maybe the man steps up to protect the woman.  But eventually, she will get bored in that tiny closet, "oh, look at this dress I found in there!", or see the pain the man is in, and shelter him away for a while.  That's how my fluidity seems to work, anyway.

Wowza i enjoy being non-binary
It's comfy
It Feels Right
I don't ever want it to leave me
I can pick a preferred pronoun at a preferred time.
I mostly go with her or they
I enjoy life as a non-binary
I feel like i was always non-binary just leaning towards female.
I also feel like im bigender and genderfluid and i believe that the genders change from time to time.
I can't pick male or female so i would like more options.
Please i never wan't this to leave me EVER
If i have a choice i will never go back to the binary like male. I would go to female but never male never.
Im afraid of the male label.

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 10, 2015, 12:39:36 PM
Wowza i enjoy being non-binary

Welcome!  I'm excited for you!

Is it possible for my non binary to ever leave I hope not and I will never accept being male I enjoy being different I enjoy being female and neutral. But I doubt that this it's real probably just a fad and that makes me sad
Btw I'm terrified that I may be identifying as male help!?

Read through your whole last posting...

Wowza i enjoy being non-binary ....

there you can feel it again, and it will stay with you...

there might be phases where other parts might be a bit more pronounced but this is like a foundation, it will always come back.

Just try to relax and it will even out eventually.

hugs

I feel like im being pulled toward male and im fighting it i hate this feeling i don't want to identify as male! help

Well... you could try not to resist too much... just letting go...
its like thoughts of doubt... just let them go and try to relax...

I know what will happen i will float to male and then never come back to my favs like neither or female.

Yeah, I've drifted back to male, and had a few very painful periods where I just wished that my gender experience had been constant, shame for having told friends, etc.  Thankfully, I haven't had an episode like that for a couple of months.

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 11, 2015, 01:42:15 PM
I know what will happen i will float to male and then never come back to my favs like neither or female.

No... let your doubts just go... like a cloud passing by...
just try to calm down, and you will feel again what you like...

and you don't have to feel female or neutral all the time... its ok if you feel a bit more active for example sometimes...
you will come back to your core feelings...
its like a wave, you will come back.

First time I have been free in two days and I will be tied up until the 17th. Something to understand is you have been feeling these feelings for only 3 months. You haven't hand much time to learn about them and figure out what they mean to you. Yes, you are not a CIS male, but what you are may take more time to figure out. The queer and non-binary side of the picture is something that is new to me. We didn't have it when I was in therapy. We know what you are not but you have to decide what you are. You don't have to have a decision right now, so don't feel pressured to make a decision. When you know enough about yourself, you will be able to make a decision. It may have taken me as much as a year to decide I was transsexual so it may take you a bit longer.

In computer programming, we have a way of finding the problem in the code called divide and conquer. What this means is you divide the problem into two halves and then you find out which half had the problem. You then divide that half into two parts and repeat.

For you it works something like this.
Do you want to be a CIS male or something else. The way I am seeing you is you don't want to be a CIS male.

Do you want to surgically alter your gender like me? This one we don't have a clear answer on yet and you need to answer it for us but take your time deciding.

I don't care how you answer the questions as long as you are happy with the answer.

If I have time, I will try to check again tomorrow nigh but I will not be posting for 4 days after that.

One thing I can say for sure is I'm scared that I am cis

Look at your own posting:

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 10, 2015, 12:39:36 PM
Wowza i enjoy being non-binary
It's comfy
It Feels Right
I don't ever want it to leave me
I can pick a preferred pronoun at a preferred time.
I mostly go with her or they
I enjoy life as a non-binary
I feel like i was always non-binary just leaning towards female.
I also feel like im bigender and genderfluid and i believe that the genders change from time to time.

No Cis person writes things like that...

hugs

I'm just so worried because when I'm a girl I don't change names and I am rarely a boy but a lot of times it's neither or girl please help

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 10, 2015, 12:39:36 PM
Wowza i enjoy being non-binary
It's comfy
It Feels Right
I don't ever want it to leave me
I can pick a preferred pronoun at a preferred time.
I mostly go with her or they
I enjoy life as a non-binary
I feel like i was always non-binary just leaning towards female.
I also feel like im bigender and genderfluid and i believe that the genders change from time to time.

Well if you read that through you should feel some kind of joy... I'd say...

Just take your time... get used to it... play a bit with it...

there will be times when you will fell a bit more like a girl... and some times a bit less...

but what you have written is part of you... it does not have to be there all the time but it is part of you that will always come back.


Your worrying does not help. Its possible you feel a bit less then..
you could try to relax...
and things will get better and you will feel good again :)

hugs

Im starting to really doubt that i was ever genderfluid or trans  :'( this is bothering me that i don't see it in me. I feel like wanting to be a girl is less strong its more or less a thought now except that im doing stuff to make me more like a girl. Im afraid that i never had it in the first place or its leaving me. Help!?

Well if you are genderfluid its supposed to be shifting a bit...
sometimes some aspects are stronger, sometimes weaker...
but it will not leave you ever.
Simply knowing should be some kind of relief.

If you concentrate on one aspect that should help...
and you could use a few things that remind you of being girly...
a keychain with a symbol for example...
something nice that reminds you of your own being girly...
maybe even a photo of your painted nails...

if you try to relax instead of being afraid, that should help, too, feeling more of yourself.

if you read through what you have written about being genderfluid that is something cis people cannot write...
"Wowza i enjoy being non-binary"... you can read it through again, as often as you like...
so its proof and will stay with you...


hugs

Okay so lately I've been having thoughts of I'm not  a girl and I try to fight against them with thoughts of I am a girl does this mean I'm not trans?

No :)
It means you have some doubts which can happen from time to time.

Look at what you have written:

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 10, 2015, 12:39:36 PM
Wowza i enjoy being non-binary
It's comfy
It Feels Right
I don't ever want it to leave me
I can pick a preferred pronoun at a preferred time.
I mostly go with her or they
I enjoy life as a non-binary
I feel like i was always non-binary just leaning towards female.
I also feel like im bigender and genderfluid and i believe that the genders change from time to time.

If you were not trans you would not think about this... or write it...

Cis people do not write this...

hugs

BB, I am back from my time away. There are some things I can tell you for sure. One is that you are not CIS. The next is that I am not exactly sure what you are because you haven't decided that for yourself yet. That is not something to worry about right now because you said you have only been feeling this way for about 3 months. When these feelings first come over us we haven't had them long enough to fully understand them and know what they mean to us. We also have to learn about thing like fluid or female identity to understand which label fits the best. Coming to this board was a bit of a shock to me because I alway considered myself to be Asexual but here I discovered I was Pansexual. Pansexual is a name we didn't have 33 yeas ago so after all this time I am putting a new label on myself. You are exploring this much younger than me so keep asking questions and when you find the right label for yourself, you will know it. The girl feelings you have will alway be with you and you only need to find the life that will make them most happy.

Okay so I've been reading and I just have never ever walked girlish that I know of this makes me mad I've always tried to stand back on my hip trying to copy girls but I just am afraid I'm not trans

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 24, 2015, 12:42:50 AM
Okay so I've been reading and I just have never ever walked girlish that I know of this makes me mad I've always tried to stand back on my hip trying to copy girls but I just am afraid I'm not trans

Look what you have written:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,191331.msg1713037.html#msg1713037

This is proof that you are trans... cis people do not write this... just remember... it may be sometimes more and sometimes less but it will stay  :)

If you want to walk like a woman, you might look at how men usually walk: they kind of put their shoulders forwards and just move their feet forwards.

Women tend to put each foot more in front of each other, almost like walking a line... don't overdo it...
and walk a bit more with their hips...

its like makeup... don't overdo it or its too much  :)

hugs

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 24, 2015, 12:42:50 AM
Okay so I've been reading and I just have never ever walked girlish that I know of this makes me mad I've always tried to stand back on my hip trying to copy girls but I just am afraid I'm not trans

Trans is in your mind and not your appearance. I have seen CiS women who walk like men and they do it because they are physically more active and a male like walk is more efficient. The girlish walk is used by less active women who tend to be in man hunting mode. My walk isn't very girlish because my hip are small when compared to my shoulders and if I attempt that walk, any movement I generate would be covered my my clothes. I do walk heel to toe like I am trying place each step on a line and that takes the male blocky look out of my walk. It take practice but you can do it most anytime you are walking somewhere. In this case, it's not so much about looking female as it is not looking male.

The truth is I don't want to be cis at all

From the first day I started working with you I knew you were not CIS. That day what you felt, I felt many year ago and it's not something that ever happens to a CIS person. I know it happens in Transexuals. I suspect it also happens in the other personalities that you can select but so far I don't know that. I believe you because you haven't attempted to lie to me and I believe you because I saw the pain in you the first day I worked with you. You need to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.

2 things I hope I will be comfortable as a girl and the second thing is ever since I was like younger I got super uncomfortable when people talk badly about transsexuals. And one last thing when I talk about myself as a girl in real life not online I feel weird like uncomfortable which I hate because I want to feel good about being a girl and if I wasn't comfortable about it I would be sad

People have been insulting transexuals long before I had my surgery and will continue to do it in the future. It can be hurtful but transexuals are treated much better now than when I had my surgery. It's best to think about the good things and not worry about the bad. I have been fortunate that people have treated me pretty well and I only know of a few times when people might have treated me badly.

You feel bad about talking about yourself as a girl because you haven't told your parents or gone public with your feelings. What you are feeling is fear and in making my dream of becoming a woman, I had to face a large amount of fear. Now I look back and see all the things I was afraid of I shouldn't have feared. Almost everybody on this board has those fears. Some have faced them and were rewarded with a new life, others have yet to face them and I hope they will face them soon so they can have a new life as well.

One of the reasons I help others on this board is because I have had to go through exactly what they are going through. I know the hurt and the fear and I want to show them that it doesn't have to be that way. They can end the pain and be happy like me but they will have to face their fear so they know there is nothing to fear.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Remember this for your whole life. It will help take away some of the fear (I hope). :angel:

I'm afraid that I'm identifying as male when I'd rather be far more to the female side

Quote from: BBGurl24 on July 31, 2015, 01:45:56 PM
I'm afraid that I'm identifying as male when I'd rather be far more to the female side

Well how you identify is up to you... if you prefer more the female side then just go for that  :)


hugs

Oh wow country music is really a trigger

BB, you say you are identifying as male, I don't think you do it all the time so I have a question for you. What is it you are doing or when is it you identify as male?

Quote from: BBGurl24 on June 29, 2015, 06:35:27 PM
I do want to be a girl and I actually don't find myself attracted to men at all.

Actually one of my favourite musicians Laura Jane Grace, she was born male, and is now trans. She is attracted to females. So yeah you can basically become a gay female.

Although, many people here state to talk to a gender therapist. I don't necessarily agree with gender therapists, I feel they judge you and try to tell you who you are. However at this point, I am inclined to agree with the majority vote here. You should look into a gender therapist

Quote from: jessilynn on August 15, 2015, 01:03:49 PM
Although, many people here state to talk to a gender therapist. I don't necessarily agree with gender therapists, I feel they judge you and try to tell you who you are. However at this point, I am inclined to agree with the majority vote here. You should look into a gender therapist

Well it depends on the therapist.
They should help you discover who you are...