Susan's Place Transgender Resources

First off, I am so glad I found this site! Reading posts I have discovered many stories that match my life journey. Depression has been the major issue for me. I am sure it is related to my dysphoria. The first time I presented myself in public as Joanne, I felt so natural. The depression was gone, and I did not want that day to come to an end. That was 2 years ago. After 18 months of therapy, I want to start HRT. My GP doctor is OK with it. My Therapist is OK with it, and my wife just wants  me to be happy. At this time, I do not want to go full time. What I want is the feelings I have when I'm out as my true self. No depression and the feeling of being me. I want my body to be more feminine with no body hair and softer skin. Enlarged breast would to a plus, but not the main reason. My life has been so painful. Hiding myself for 66 years. I hope HRT will bring some happiness into my life!

Well I started at 62 1/2 and so far its working, size A cup, softer skin but still waiting for the body hair to quit . Bonus no hay fever this year (coincidence ?) but the best bit is being ME

Has it affected your emotional state in a positive way?

I started at 61, and it was the best thing I ever did.  For me, social dysphoria was stronger than body dysphoria.  So, I get most of my relief from being out in public as myself.  HRT had minimal emotional effect on me, at least not directly, but I needed it to make me a bit more convincing when presenting as a woman.  I do notice a calming effect on my emotions, and an improved ability to feel.

My greatest relief is being out in public, so I went full-time just as soon as I could.  It is bringing me a great deal of happiness.

For me, the mental peace has been astounding.  I wish I could fully convey the feeling of mental clarity.  It took about 2-3 weeks or HRT, but then the fog just started to lift and has been gone ever since.  Personally, I'm not sure if it is the lack of testosterone, the addition of estradiol, or the combination, but it was a life-saver for me.  While I feel good now, and as so many can attest to, I feel "cured", I know if I go off HRT it will all return and I don't think I could take being like my old self ever again.  For me there is a lot of downside to this also as I'll be separating from my wife in the next few weeks, leaving my job, leaving my hometown, and one of my daughters wants nothing to do with me.  She doesn't even want me to see my grandson now.  Ugh.  Couple steps forward and fifty steps back in a lot of ways it seems.  Even so, and as much as my family issues suck right now, I still think I've made the right decisions overall for everyone involved.  I'm alive and not wishing for death anymore.  Here's to keeping my fingers crossed.

Forgot to say.....I'm 57 years old.  Not quite as old, but pretty close.

I agree with Davina, you get to be you!  I lost the hair trigger emotions (anger) and I love the calmer person I am.  Since I had hid for so long and kept quiet, now when I am out I am a talker, to anyone.  Oh and my face has filled out a bit which I like.

Breeze 57

I hear you loud and clear. I will be experiencing the same thing when I am able to come out. Will separate from wife, daughters will probably not want to see me anymore. But deep down I know I have to be the female I am inside for me to truly be happy. Plus, I'll have to quit my job and move elsewhere. Good luck hun. If ever you want to chat, let me know.

Hugs and kisses
Shennae

No one can tell how you will respond to HRT.  Everyone is different.  But let me tell you that the myth that HRT has only minimal effects on older people is hogwash.  Many people our age (myself included) have been happily astonished by the feminization results estrogen can produce.

Thanks to all for your responses. As I stated in my original post, when I am out as my inner self, all stress,anger, and depression disappears. The feeling will remain for a couple of days, then I revert back to my depressed state. My SO recognizes the changes, that is why she encourages me to get out. However, I am afraid to come out to my family and pursue a full time transition. I do not know what category that puts me in. All I do know is being out in public as Joanne feels so natural for me. I hoping HRT will "mellow out" my masculine side emotions, and help feminize my physical appearance. My last T level was at 1! After the prostate cancer, my male functionality is gone. So at this point, I am not a full male or female. That is depressing.   

Quote from: Breeze 57 on August 18, 2018, 10:26:27 AM
Forgot to say.....I'm 57 years old.  Not quite as old, but pretty close.

Breeze 57   Sorry to hear about your family issues.  :(

Thanks.  This is just a tough time for me with a lot of unwanted family dynamics going on.  Fortunately, even though my wife and I will be going our separate ways shortly, we are actually getting along better and communicating more than we have in quite awhile.  So that is a positive thing.  She is just ready to start over again on her own and I can logically totally understand that.  But it still tears me up emotionally.  I also have 1 daughter who is also totally supportive of me which is so fantastic.  My other daughter, not so supportive.  She's the one who is not letting me see my grandson anymore.  But who knows, hopefully she'll lighten up and maybe start accepting my changes a little more. 

I started HRT at 52.  I wasn't expecting much.  I just wanted to regain my peace of mind.  I also figured if HRT made it easier to present female when I wanted to, that would be a big plus.

Long story short, the HRT turned me into a girl.  I not only grew 36B breasts but my skin softened, I lost a lot of body hair (totally lost chest and belly hair, most of the hair on my legs and the hair on my arms got a lot finer).  I lost 5 inches on my waist, my hips got two inches larger, my pelvis rotated, my posture improved, and I lost a slew of allergies I had had since childhood.  My shoulder measurement is two inches smaller.

My face changed enough that when I came out at work and went in with my hair down for the first time, people I had seen every few months for 20 years didn't recognize me.

And I cannot pass for male without a lot of effort.  If I wear my old clothes, I look like a girl in men's clothing.

Modern hormones are the best kind of magic.

Hugs, Carly

Breeze 57

Thanks for the post.  This is a difficult path to navigate as best.  It is too bad more don,t understand what we go through just to find balance in life. My therapist wants me to take a hard look at pros and cons of HRT for our next meeting.  It is   exciting and scary.  He assures me the test drive will tell a lot and wants me going into it well informed.  I am fortunate that my wife understands my situation and the need to control my sexual obsessions with therapy and medication.  I would never want to loose her and hate to hear about those who cant navigate this without separation of family members.   

I am now 70 and strated HRT at 64. I never was depressed and lived an amazing life as an alpha cis male. In reflection I know I had dysphoria my whole life but manged it really well. With age we go thru a change in our perception of life and its meaning, this resulted in gender fantasy dominating my thoughts. So after years with a therapist, as I needed to convince and accept myself as a TG to start HRT.

I never had RLE before GRS at 67, and now live an equally amazing life as a female. The issues of health, family and finance are issues that will determine how far you transition, be it a simple HRT or additiinal surgeries. Passing is much easier for the older transitioners, perfect bodies are passe and cosmetic surgery makes it easier to be hotter looking than our cis females.

For me liviing a life unfufilled was not an acceptable alternative. Could not imagine mysellf in my deathbed without living 2 lives in a lifetime.

I am beginning my third year of HRT. I can truthfully say other than the birth of my kids, this is the best thing ever. I no longer suffer depression. I am making good strides re=emerging into the public again and actually wanting to make friends. I have found some folks to share with and it makes all the difference in the world. I used to look in the mirror and hate what I saw. Blemished skin, hairy face, short hair. Now I look and like what I see. I'm lucky I guess or at least for the first time I don't worry about the deformed parts and I don't have to tuck. Never did have to really. I started at 64 years old yet I dreamed about it all my life. What is going to matter most is how much confidence you exude as the new you. I feel more and more femme every day. I like to visit areas like Capital Hill in Seattle as there is not much harassment that goes on there. I attend support groups in Seattle and Tacoma. My electrologist has about 40 transgender friends. My voice therapist is also my culture coach and with an almost two year relationship I consider them more friends than service providers. I have sought therapy with a psychologist to help me with a few speed bumps. But all in all it has been an amazing experience. I also have the advantage of having a really terrific wife of 35 years who gives me love and support. Plus I don't like Granny clothes.

Hello Joanne and Others

I have known I am transgender since childhood but only took action when it became so dominant that I had no choice other than to seek therapy at 62. A few months later I started HRT and I have seen so many positive effects. Physically I soon developed softer skin and later less body hair and now small breasts. Emotionally the fog is removed, I think clearly, I feel emotions better, I can laugh and I can cry. Oestrogen is the "right fuel" for me.

Hello Breeze57

I am also moving house before going Fulltime next year but only because the house which I inherited from my mother who died 3 years ago is too big. I am sorry you are having family problems and I hope that when those opposing you see how happy you will be in, they change their biased viewpoint and accept you.

Hugs to all and wishing you all success on your transition journeys.

Pamela

Hi Joanne,
                   I found part time female + HRT does work to to relieve the angst, unease and dissatisfaction of living with gender misalignment. It sounds like your off to a very good start with your wife too. That kind of support can really make a big difference to the positivity of the whole situation.
I personally found cyproterone caused a rapid decrease in testosterone and brought rapid peace of mind. The angst and unease dissapated. The rat that was eating my guts slowed up. After about 3 months I started estrogen - now that was the best part.
For the first 6 months a feeling of elation, light euphoria. An uplifting, upbeat experience. Smiling more, I became more chatty. Estrogen added a spark on top of the peace of mind.
After 6 months on E the emotional aspects began to bite & unfortunately my cross-dressing wasn't going down with the wife. Domestic friction + the gravity of new emotions + nearly losing my family was a lot to bear.
Now 2.5 years later the domestic front is more stable and I love running on estrogen. I still smile a lot, I'm chatty, I love interacting with people more, I'm more empathetic- just happier in general. I don't have a rat eating my guts anymore.
People say Your Mileage May Vary but I believe you won't be disappointed with HRT. Most of us who start can stop if we want to - it's just that we DONT want to.[emoji4]
Also you will love having your own breasts!
I think your approach is a good one.
Please let us all know how you go.
Kirsten x.



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Another late transitioner here. I started HRT at age 65 and GCS at age 66 and FFS at age 67.

Many people say that I look about 15 years younger than I am. But the best part is that I am accepted just about every where I go as a middle age woman. I can live with that.  :icon_grandmar:

Quote from: Breeze 57 on August 18, 2018, 10:24:54 AM
For me, the mental peace has been astounding.  I wish I could fully convey the feeling of mental clarity.  It took about 2-3 weeks or HRT, but then the fog just started to lift and has been gone ever since.  Personally, I'm not sure if it is the lack of testosterone, the addition of estradiol, or the combination, but it was a life-saver for me.  While I feel good now, and as so many can attest to, I feel "cured", I know if I go off HRT it will all return and I don't think I could take being like my old self ever again.  For me there is a lot of downside to this also as I'll be separating from my wife in the next few weeks, leaving my job, leaving my hometown, and one of my daughters wants nothing to do with me.  She doesn't even want me to see my grandson now.  Ugh.  Couple steps forward and fifty steps back in a lot of ways it seems.  Even so, and as much as my family issues suck right now, I still think I've made the right decisions overall for everyone involved.  I'm alive and not wishing for death anymore.  Here's to keeping my fingers crossed.

It's amazing how much our stories match. I'm currently on extended vacation from my wife, in fact in another state because she wants me to figure out whether or not I want or need to go through transition. My mind is telling me yes, to start hrt and be happy, be me, be a woman. I know it means losing her for good if I do. I also know it means possibly losing my son and 3 daughters as well. I'm honestly not worried about losing current friends though. New friends can and will be found. However, my current wife has already told me she doesn't want to be with a woman. But at the same time, even when we are together, we're more like friends than husband and wife anyway. In fact she says that all the time. We haven't really been intimate on a regular basis since getting together. I think the reason for that, is I actually find myself to be more attracted to men. I've never considered myself gay, and thought in all these years I was always only attracted to women. I don't seem to get aroused anymore at all with women including my wife, but thinking about myself as a woman with a strong man gets my juices flowing.  To be completely honest, I've been married 5 times and all have ended the same, in divorce, because I lost sexual interest in them. I could never figure out why until I finally accepted that I am actually a woman inside and that I am actually sexually attracted to men, and that transitioning is the only option I have at this time. That is what is going to make me happy. I'm 54 and the immediate family members I have told that I'm transgender mtf, all have said they were not surprised, including my mother. Apparently I have shown signs, some that even I was not aware of that I was a woman. Looking back through time though I do now see the early signs that were there, just didn't realize they were actually pieces to my ongoing puzzle in the wrong spots. Now that I have accepted my true gender and true sexual orientation I can work to complete my puzzle so that everyone sees the true and finished masterpiece.

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I'm a bit younger at 43. I had been resigned to never living the way I wanted to but the pull got too strong. I have to say the word astonished is about right! I look in the mirror and see.... a women in her early 30's at worst AND the mental peace and stability is amazing. I used to be withdrawn and unwilling to talk to people now I love interacting in groups. Breasts went from zip to d cup, measurements are now 46 35 44, skin is softer, body hair fell out and I couldn't pass as a man if I wanted to. HRT is the best thing I ever did bar none. I don't think how old you are matters, if you feel the need, do it.

Quote from: Lady Skylar on August 21, 2018, 09:22:21 AM
Transitioning is the only option I have at this time. That is what is going to make me happy. I'm 54 and the immediate family members I have told that I'm transgender mtf, all have said they were not surprised, including my mother. Apparently I have shown signs, some that even I was not aware of that I was a woman. Looking back through time though I do now see the early signs that were there, just didn't realize they were actually pieces to my ongoing puzzle in the wrong spots. Now that I have accepted my true gender and true sexual orientation I can work to complete my puzzle so that everyone sees the true and finished masterpiece.

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Quote from: krobinson103 on August 21, 2018, 05:57:15 PM
HRT is the best thing I ever did bar none. I don't think how old you are matters, if you feel the need, do it.

Lady Skylar

I am so happy you have found your true self and that you have decided to complete the puzzle and go for the finished masterpiece. I wish you every success. I am on HRT 28 weeks and going Fulltime next year.

Kelly

Precisely! HRT brilliant. Age irrelevant.

Hugs to you all

Pamela

Signed the paperwork today to start the new journey. Therapist is more than happy to submit her letter of recommendation to the endocrinologist. I am so excited and scared!