Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello, I had my surgery last June with Ting in NYC. Dilating was going pretty well until about September or October, then it became much harder. I've been doing it three times a day for the most part,  but sometimes two if there's not much time. I don't know what's going on with me. Earlier this morning, it took me 12 minutes to reach full depth, which worried me a lot. During the summer, it usually took me about five minutes to get to the full depth with the purple dilator, and I was even able to use the blue and green ones to get about 4 inches.

Now the blue one only goes about two inches and the purple one takes so long to get to my full depth, which is about 4.5 to 5 inches or so...

I moved from NYC so I can't see Dr. Ting that easily. I wonder if I'm just not meant to have a vagina and should just accept having only a vulva. This is frustrating! Any words of wisdom for someone like me? :(

Welcome to the forum. You may want to introduce yourself in the introductions section./ One of the official greeters will be along shortly.

I find if a dilator is tight that if I rock it from side to side gently while pushing in the dilator will go in further without much issue. Then once it is in I leave it in for 20 minutes, take it out and move to the next size. Mine are all white so I don't know what the color coding is on your set.

I am post op 3 years now.

Dilation is not always a pain, but it does take time and it needs to be a priority thing to do.

At 6 months post op, you should only need to dilate twice a day or maybe less. If you are having some issues, then keep it at 3 or even 4 times a day. No matter how long it takes to get full depth, just do it and keep your dilator there for about 15 minutes. Rotate the dilator and move it from side to side. If you need to, start with a smaller dilator, then go to a larger one right away.

Are you having any pain when dilating? If so, maybe a call or e-mail to Dr Ting's office is in order.

Thanks for the responses. I'll post in introductions later. I'm not sure why even doing three times a day doesn't make it any easier. It's very hard to find time to do 3x/day. Even twice a day is hard because I have to wake up super early before work. I wonder if I can just not do it in the morning and then do twice/thrice in the afternoon and evening....
So frustrating! I've already called Dr. Ting's office a few times but all they say is to keep dilating without really addressing the issues I have. It makes me so scared that I'm losing width and depth even though I follow what I'm supposed to do :/

I do start with the smaller dilator, but it's still hard. I also can't go too far with the blue dilator anymore. I use the Soul Source dilators.

Quote from: aqua.mercury on January 04, 2019, 08:51:07 PM
Thanks for the responses. I'll post in introductions later. I'm not sure why even doing three times a day doesn't make it any easier. It's very hard to find time to do 3x/day. Even twice a day is hard because I have to wake up super early before work. I wonder if I can just not do it in the morning and then do twice/thrice in the afternoon and evening....
So frustrating! I've already called Dr. Ting's office a few times but all they say is to keep dilating without really addressing the issues I have. It makes me so scared that I'm losing width and depth even though I follow what I'm supposed to do :/

I do start with the smaller dilator, but it's still hard. I also can't go too far with the blue dilator anymore. I use the Soul Source dilators.

You can build it back up. If you have any vacation time it would help or possibly see if you cn work from home in the mornings so you can dilate, work and then drive in.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 04, 2019, 09:02:30 PM
You can build it back up. If you have any vacation time it would help or possibly see if you cn work from home in the mornings so you can dilate, work and then drive in.

I'm not sure what there is to build back up though if I've been doing it 3x/day for 20 minutes as directed. It seems like I'm following what I'm supposed to do but it's getting more difficult. I don't really understand this :/

Quote from: aqua.mercury on January 04, 2019, 09:18:59 PM
I'm not sure what there is to build back up though if I've been doing it 3x/day for 20 minutes as directed. It seems like I'm following what I'm supposed to do but it's getting more difficult. I don't really understand this :/

Are you doing it 20 minutes from full insert or 20 minutes total? I never paid too much attention to the total time and devoted an hour before bed, an hour in the morning and an hour around lunch. I worked from home around this time so it was easy to set my own hours. You could do this on the weekend though and use a hour in the evening to maintain through the week.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 04, 2019, 09:31:22 PM
Are you doing it 20 minutes from full insert or 20 minutes total? I never paid too much attention to the total time and devoted an hour before bed, an hour in the morning and an hour around lunch. I worked from home around this time so it was easy to set my own hours. You could do this on the weekend though and use a hour in the evening to maintain through the week.

I'm doing 20 minutes total. Was it supposed to be from full insert? I don't recall the surgeon ever specifying that :O I can't work from home, so that's not an option during lunch

Quote from: aqua.mercury on January 04, 2019, 09:44:50 PM
I'm doing 20 minutes total. Was it supposed to be from full insert? I don't recall the surgeon ever specifying that :O I can't work from home, so that's not an option during lunch

Yes from full insert. Don't start the clock until it's in. My suggestion is to try to leave it fully inserted in at least 15 minutes in the morning since you have work and 40 minutes in the evening and do it three times a day on the weekends.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 04, 2019, 10:03:16 PM
Yes from full insert. Don't start the clock until it's in. My suggestion is to try to leave it fully inserted in at least 15 minutes in the morning since you have work and 40 minutes in the evening and do it three times a day on the weekends.

Ok, got it. I can't wait for the day when I don't have to do this so often... If I can only do it once a day in the evening, I'll be satisfied.

I still can't get more than 2 inches or so on the blue dilator though! Is that a bad thing?

Quote from: aqua.mercury on January 04, 2019, 10:35:46 PM
Ok, got it. I can't wait for the day when I don't have to do this so often... If I can only do it once a day in the evening, I'll be satisfied.

I still can't get more than 2 inches or so on the blue dilator though! Is that a bad thing?

You might try looking for additional dialtors. I have some that get wider on the end so that they can build depth back up. I also have some where only the very tip are tapered so that once I have the depth I can fully dialate internally deeper.

I don't have color coded dialators so I don't know have large your purple one is but you can try using the next size down and once you have it in use a slow gentle stir the pot motion. That should help expand long enough to get the purple dialtor in and then leave that in for a good amount of time.

Once you have gotten this down you won't have to do it as often. Although to be honest I use my realistic dildo and vibrator often enough I really haven't had to worry about dialation. You'll get there.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 04, 2019, 10:53:31 PM
You might try looking for additional dialtors. I have some that get wider on the end so that they can build depth back up. I also have some where only the very tip are tapered so that once I have the depth I can fully dialate internally deeper.

I don't have color coded dialators so I don't know have large your purple one is but you can try using the next size down and once you have it in use a slow gentle stir the pot motion. That should help expand long enough to get the purple dialtor in and then leave that in for a good amount of time.

Once you have gotten this down you won't have to do it as often. Although to be honest I use my realistic dildo and vibrator often enough I really haven't had to worry about dialation. You'll get there.

Does putting the dildo or vibrator in take as long as a dilator though? I don't even know how I'll ever have sex if it takes me 20 minutes or more just to get the vagina open enough to fit things in :(

Not sure if I can double post...

Does anyone else have any advice? Is it still normal to take 8-12 minutes to reach full depth even with the smallest dilator?

What about having sex? Do I always need to dilate beforehand? I haven't had sex yet but I am just curious.

Quote from: aqua.mercury on January 05, 2019, 12:01:21 AM
Does putting the dildo or vibrator in take as long as a dilator though? I don't even know how I'll ever have sex if it takes me 20 minutes or more just to get the vagina open enough to fit things in :(

No they just goes right on in.

Devote as much time as you can right now to building yourself up. If you're having trouble with one size use a smaller one first and then use the larger one. You should keep the smaller one in for at least 10 minutes and then keep the larger one in for 20 minutes. Don't count insertion time.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 06, 2019, 12:00:21 PM
No they just goes right on in.

Devote as much time as you can right now to building yourself up. If you're having trouble with one size use a smaller one first and then use the larger one. You should keep the smaller one in for at least 10 minutes and then keep the larger one in for 20 minutes. Don't count insertion time.

Huh... but it's been seven months for me and I still take forever to get the smallest dilator in! I wonder when I can get to the point where you just put it in immediately.

the only thing I will add to the conversation is that I found if I pushed too hard in effort to get more depth, the next dilation things became more tender and harder to accomplish. One more thing I guess. It got harder as time went on for me as well and at the one ear point, it still took time to get the dilator to depth. Your 10 minute time line doesn't seem too fr off. I'd say 5-10 minutes before I bottomed out.

Quote from: luckygirl on January 06, 2019, 01:53:44 PM
the only thing I will add to the conversation is that I found if I pushed too hard in effort to get more depth, the next dilation things became more tender and harder to accomplish. One more thing I guess. It got harder as time went on for me as well and at the one ear point, it still took time to get the dilator to depth. Your 10 minute time line doesn't seem too fr off. I'd say 5-10 minutes before I bottomed out.

Hmm... I see. I wonder why it's like that. I hope it'll be easier for us over time!

Is there anything I can just stick up there throughout the day to make the vagina open a little bit more so I can dilate more easily when I need to do it? Maybe like a small vibrator with the batteries taken out?

I don't think that's a good idea, sweetie. It just is what is is. We don't have cis vag's and they're never gonna act like one. I know that time helps but if I know sex is on the table, dilation a few hours prior is a must to make it a pleasurable experience. I use the soul source dilators and the little curve at the end really help me insert to depth more comfortably. Sex play, [ie] soft rubber or preferably silicon dildo's, fingers, in addition to dilation all help. One thing I do is open myself up with fingers with lube on them prior to dilation, first one and then two and then three and four to open myself and prepare myself to dilate. I may spend five minutes doing that alone and it helps immensely.     

Quote from: luckygirl on January 06, 2019, 02:37:05 PM
I don't think that's a good idea, sweetie. It just is what is is. We don't have cis vag's and they're never gonna act like one. I know that time helps but if I know sex is on the table, dilation a few hours prior is a must to make it a pleasurable experience. I use the soul source dilators and the little curve at the end really help me insert to depth more comfortably. Sex play, [ie] soft rubber or preferably silicon dildo's, fingers, in addition to dilation all help. One thing I do is open myself up with fingers with lube on them prior to dilation, first one and then two and then three and four to open myself and prepare myself to dilate. I may spend five minutes doing that alone and it helps immensely.     

Darn...

Is it a bad idea to try to leave something inside during the day because it'll be uncomfortable, or for another reason?

I would think you could damage your vag if you moved wrong. Add to that, a foreign object inside gives bacteria a hiding place to do god knows what and you might end up with an infection.  Frankly though? what the heck do I know. Ask your Doc and see what they think. But it just seems like it could go badly, know what I mean? ;)

My "SRS VAGINOPLASTY DILATION" videos are on my personal website (see signature)

Hi,

Have you had any improvement with your dilations?

I have a similar issue, but I am now 18 months post op. The first year of dilations was normal, I was working on the #4 dilator but noticed that it was becoming increasingly difficult, painful and with new bleeding.

There was no granulation, but I steadily narrowed and experienced bleeding and pain. I purchased medical grade silicone dilators, used for cis women with trauma or other issues that lead to painful intercourse. Even with those I continue to narrow and bleed from the outset.

I have an appointment with a gynecologist/surgeon but can't get into them until mid-March. Until then I am in a panic!

Please keep us posted on your progress and what your doctor advises!

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Mia, sorry to hear you are have such a problem this long after surgery.  Hope it is something simple that your gyn can help you with.  Do let us know how this all turns on.

Thank you, while I wait to see the Dr I'm going to return to daily dilations and maybe return to the original hard plastic dilators. I think there's a catch 22 there, they were designed for grs but were so uncomfortable that I felt like I swelled from the trauma of dilation and wasn't sure if that was my problem at first!

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Hi, I had some of my graft die. The scar tissue contracts and makes for dilation that is very painful. I managed to maintain 5 dilations a day and with orange. (I did not take any pain killers for FFS and GCS so I can take pain). I would cry getting the orange dilator in. I would twist ever so slightly and move the dilator in. I was told up front several times my graft may die. We had a plan B.

I still use hydroquarterzone cream prescription strength for dilating and some lube. I had a revision to remove the scar tissue. I lost 1.5 inches in depth but I am still 4 dots orange.

I would make an appointment ASAP with your GCS doctor.

Wow. This all sounds just a bit discouraging and should serve as notice to those who consider surgical transition lightly. I  have always and consistently urged caution and very serious consideration before  committing to SRS.
In my case my initial recovery period was extremely painful and difficult and lasted almost a year.
Considers in 1972 there were only a handful of surgeons world wide who were experimenting and developing what has evolved into penile inversion srs.
The plethora of dilation options and devices were crude and/or non-existent.  I used tightly compressed foam rolled into a condom. I would compress it to the max, twist it tight,  insert it, then let it expand in side. Then l'd leave it in all  day, repeating again at night before bed.
It was horrible,  smelly, and yes of course uncomfortable.
Happily once I was able to have sex, l did sowith a passion and dilated the heck out of my new toy.
This won't work for everyone,  but it worked for me

Quote from: Complete on February 13, 2019, 09:09:49 PM
Wow. This all sounds just a bit discouraging and should serve as notice to those who consider surgical transition lightly. I  have always and consistently urged caution and very serious consideration before  committing to SRS.
In my case my initial recovery period was extremely painful and difficult and lasted almost a year.
Considers in 1972 there were only a handful of surgeons world wide who were experimenting and developing what has evolved into penile inversion srs.
The plethora of dilation options and devices were crude and/or non-existent.  I used tightly compressed foam rolled into a condom. I would compress it to the max, twist it tight,  insert it, then let it expand in side. Then l'd leave it in all  day, repeating again at night before bed.
It was horrible,  smelly, and yes of course uncomfortable.
Happily once I was able to have sex, l did sowith a passion and dilated the heck out of my new toy.
This won't work for everyone,  but it worked for me

You are truly a pioneer who helped pave the way for the rest of us! [emoji122]

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Quote from: Rachel on February 13, 2019, 06:48:40 PM
Hi, I had some of my graft die. The scar tissue contracts and makes for dilation that is very painful. I managed to maintain 5 dilations a day and with orange. (I did not take any pain killers for FFS and GCS so I can take pain). I would cry getting the orange dilator in. I would twist ever so slightly and move the dilator in. I was told up front several times my graft may die. We had a plan B.

I still use hydroquarterzone cream prescription strength for dilating and some lube. I had a revision to remove the scar tissue. I lost 1.5 inches in depth but I am still 4 dots orange.

I would make an appointment ASAP with your GCS doctor.

Thank you Rachel, your experience is heartbreaking to hear. I'm certainly not enduring anything that bad, I'm more scared than anything. I've got an appointment in mid-March (earliest!!) so I'll limp along till then [emoji173]

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Rachel, may I ask when your graft died? I am now at 7 months post-op and a full thickness skin graft was taken from my hip during SRS.

Quote from: Rachel on February 13, 2019, 06:48:40 PM
Hi, I had some of my graft die. The scar tissue contracts and makes for dilation that is very painful. I managed to maintain 5 dilations a day and with orange. (I did not take any pain killers for FFS and GCS so I can take pain). I would cry getting the orange dilator in. I would twist ever so slightly and move the dilator in. I was told up front several times my graft may die. We had a plan B.

I still use hydroquarterzone cream prescription strength for dilating and some lube. I had a revision to remove the scar tissue. I lost 1.5 inches in depth but I am still 4 dots orange.

I would make an appointment ASAP with your GCS doctor.