Dilation problems...

[aqua.mercury]

Hello, I had my surgery last June with Ting in NYC. Dilating was going pretty well until about September or October, then it became much harder. I've been doing it three times a day for the most part,  but sometimes two if there's not much time. I don't know what's going on with me. Earlier this morning, it took me 12 minutes to reach full depth, which worried me a lot. During the summer, it usually took me about five minutes to get to the full depth with the purple dilator, and I was even able to use the blue and green ones to get about 4 inches.

Now the blue one only goes about two inches and the purple one takes so long to get to my full depth, which is about 4.5 to 5 inches or so...

I moved from NYC so I can't see Dr. Ting that easily. I wonder if I'm just not meant to have a vagina and should just accept having only a vulva. This is frustrating! Any words of wisdom for someone like me? 🙁

[NatalieRene]

Welcome to the forum. You may want to introduce yourself in the introductions section./ One of the official greeters will be along shortly.

I find if a dilator is tight that if I rock it from side to side gently while pushing in the dilator will go in further without much issue. Then once it is in I leave it in for 20 minutes, take it out and move to the next size. Mine are all white so I don't know what the color coding is on your set.

[Dani]

I am post op 3 years now.

Dilation is not always a pain, but it does take time and it needs to be a priority thing to do.

At 6 months post op, you should only need to dilate twice a day or maybe less. If you are having some issues, then keep it at 3 or even 4 times a day. No matter how long it takes to get full depth, just do it and keep your dilator there for about 15 minutes. Rotate the dilator and move it from side to side. If you need to, start with a smaller dilator, then go to a larger one right away.

Are you having any pain when dilating? If so, maybe a call or e-mail to Dr Ting's office is in order.

[aqua.mercury]

Thanks for the responses. I'll post in introductions later. I'm not sure why even doing three times a day doesn't make it any easier. It's very hard to find time to do 3x/day. Even twice a day is hard because I have to wake up super early before work. I wonder if I can just not do it in the morning and then do twice/thrice in the afternoon and evening....
So frustrating! I've already called Dr. Ting's office a few times but all they say is to keep dilating without really addressing the issues I have. It makes me so scared that I'm losing width and depth even though I follow what I'm supposed to do :/

I do start with the smaller dilator, but it's still hard. I also can't go too far with the blue dilator anymore. I use the Soul Source dilators.

[NatalieRene]

Thanks for the responses. I'll post in introductions later. I'm not sure why even doing three times a day doesn't make it any easier. It's very hard to find time to do 3x/day. Even twice a day is hard because I have to wake up super early before work. I wonder if I can just not do it in the morning and then do twice/thrice in the afternoon and evening....
So frustrating! I've already called Dr. Ting's office a few times but all they say is to keep dilating without really addressing the issues I have. It makes me so scared that I'm losing width and depth even though I follow what I'm supposed to do :/

I do start with the smaller dilator, but it's still hard. I also can't go too far with the blue dilator anymore. I use the Soul Source dilators.

You can build it back up. If you have any vacation time it would help or possibly see if you cn work from home in the mornings so you can dilate, work and then drive in.

[aqua.mercury]

You can build it back up. If you have any vacation time it would help or possibly see if you cn work from home in the mornings so you can dilate, work and then drive in.

I'm not sure what there is to build back up though if I've been doing it 3x/day for 20 minutes as directed. It seems like I'm following what I'm supposed to do but it's getting more difficult. I don't really understand this 😕

[NatalieRene]

I'm not sure what there is to build back up though if I've been doing it 3x/day for 20 minutes as directed. It seems like I'm following what I'm supposed to do but it's getting more difficult. I don't really understand this :/

Are you doing it 20 minutes from full insert or 20 minutes total? I never paid too much attention to the total time and devoted an hour before bed, an hour in the morning and an hour around lunch. I worked from home around this time so it was easy to set my own hours. You could do this on the weekend though and use a hour in the evening to maintain through the week.

[aqua.mercury]

Are you doing it 20 minutes from full insert or 20 minutes total? I never paid too much attention to the total time and devoted an hour before bed, an hour in the morning and an hour around lunch. I worked from home around this time so it was easy to set my own hours. You could do this on the weekend though and use a hour in the evening to maintain through the week.

I'm doing 20 minutes total. Was it supposed to be from full insert? I don't recall the surgeon ever specifying that 😮 I can't work from home, so that's not an option during lunch

[NatalieRene]

I'm doing 20 minutes total. Was it supposed to be from full insert? I don't recall the surgeon ever specifying that 😮 I can't work from home, so that's not an option during lunch

Yes from full insert. Don't start the clock until it's in. My suggestion is to try to leave it fully inserted in at least 15 minutes in the morning since you have work and 40 minutes in the evening and do it three times a day on the weekends.

[aqua.mercury]

Yes from full insert. Don't start the clock until it's in. My suggestion is to try to leave it fully inserted in at least 15 minutes in the morning since you have work and 40 minutes in the evening and do it three times a day on the weekends.

Ok, got it. I can't wait for the day when I don't have to do this so often... If I can only do it once a day in the evening, I'll be satisfied.

I still can't get more than 2 inches or so on the blue dilator though! Is that a bad thing?

[NatalieRene]

Ok, got it. I can't wait for the day when I don't have to do this so often... If I can only do it once a day in the evening, I'll be satisfied.

I still can't get more than 2 inches or so on the blue dilator though! Is that a bad thing?

You might try looking for additional dialtors. I have some that get wider on the end so that they can build depth back up. I also have some where only the very tip are tapered so that once I have the depth I can fully dialate internally deeper.

I don't have color coded dialators so I don't know have large your purple one is but you can try using the next size down and once you have it in use a slow gentle stir the pot motion. That should help expand long enough to get the purple dialtor in and then leave that in for a good amount of time.

Once you have gotten this down you won't have to do it as often. Although to be honest I use my realistic dildo and vibrator often enough I really haven't had to worry about dialation. You'll get there.

[aqua.mercury]

You might try looking for additional dialtors. I have some that get wider on the end so that they can build depth back up. I also have some where only the very tip are tapered so that once I have the depth I can fully dialate internally deeper.

I don't have color coded dialators so I don't know have large your purple one is but you can try using the next size down and once you have it in use a slow gentle stir the pot motion. That should help expand long enough to get the purple dialtor in and then leave that in for a good amount of time.

Once you have gotten this down you won't have to do it as often. Although to be honest I use my realistic dildo and vibrator often enough I really haven't had to worry about dialation. You'll get there.

Does putting the dildo or vibrator in take as long as a dilator though? I don't even know how I'll ever have sex if it takes me 20 minutes or more just to get the vagina open enough to fit things in 🙁

[aqua.mercury]

Not sure if I can double post...

Does anyone else have any advice? Is it still normal to take 8-12 minutes to reach full depth even with the smallest dilator?

What about having sex? Do I always need to dilate beforehand? I haven't had sex yet but I am just curious.

[NatalieRene]

Does putting the dildo or vibrator in take as long as a dilator though? I don't even know how I'll ever have sex if it takes me 20 minutes or more just to get the vagina open enough to fit things in

No they just goes right on in.

Devote as much time as you can right now to building yourself up. If you're having trouble with one size use a smaller one first and then use the larger one. You should keep the smaller one in for at least 10 minutes and then keep the larger one in for 20 minutes. Don't count insertion time.

[aqua.mercury]

No they just goes right on in.

Devote as much time as you can right now to building yourself up. If you're having trouble with one size use a smaller one first and then use the larger one. You should keep the smaller one in for at least 10 minutes and then keep the larger one in for 20 minutes. Don't count insertion time.

Huh... but it's been seven months for me and I still take forever to get the smallest dilator in! I wonder when I can get to the point where you just put it in immediately.

[luckygirl]

the only thing I will add to the conversation is that I found if I pushed too hard in effort to get more depth, the next dilation things became more tender and harder to accomplish. One more thing I guess. It got harder as time went on for me as well and at the one ear point, it still took time to get the dilator to depth. Your 10 minute time line doesn't seem too fr off. I'd say 5-10 minutes before I bottomed out.

[aqua.mercury]

the only thing I will add to the conversation is that I found if I pushed too hard in effort to get more depth, the next dilation things became more tender and harder to accomplish. One more thing I guess. It got harder as time went on for me as well and at the one ear point, it still took time to get the dilator to depth. Your 10 minute time line doesn't seem too fr off. I'd say 5-10 minutes before I bottomed out.

Hmm... I see. I wonder why it's like that. I hope it'll be easier for us over time!

Is there anything I can just stick up there throughout the day to make the vagina open a little bit more so I can dilate more easily when I need to do it? Maybe like a small vibrator with the batteries taken out?

[luckygirl]

I don't think that's a good idea, sweetie. It just is what is is. We don't have cis vag's and they're never gonna act like one. I know that time helps but if I know sex is on the table, dilation a few hours prior is a must to make it a pleasurable experience. I use the soul source dilators and the little curve at the end really help me insert to depth more comfortably. Sex play, [ie] soft rubber or preferably silicon dildo's, fingers, in addition to dilation all help. One thing I do is open myself up with fingers with lube on them prior to dilation, first one and then two and then three and four to open myself and prepare myself to dilate. I may spend five minutes doing that alone and it helps immensely.     

[aqua.mercury]

I don't think that's a good idea, sweetie. It just is what is is. We don't have cis vag's and they're never gonna act like one. I know that time helps but if I know sex is on the table, dilation a few hours prior is a must to make it a pleasurable experience. I use the soul source dilators and the little curve at the end really help me insert to depth more comfortably. Sex play, [ie] soft rubber or preferably silicon dildo's, fingers, in addition to dilation all help. One thing I do is open myself up with fingers with lube on them prior to dilation, first one and then two and then three and four to open myself and prepare myself to dilate. I may spend five minutes doing that alone and it helps immensely.     

Darn...

Is it a bad idea to try to leave something inside during the day because it'll be uncomfortable, or for another reason?

[luckygirl]

I would think you could damage your vag if you moved wrong. Add to that, a foreign object inside gives bacteria a hiding place to do god knows what and you might end up with an infection.  Frankly though? what the heck do I know. Ask your Doc and see what they think. But it just seems like it could go badly, know what I mean? 😉