Susan's Place Transgender Resources

my wife told me today that she's sees me as a woman sometimes. i can understand that she wants to see me as her husband sometimes. when i am dressed female and carry a purse which is almost all the time now, she still adresses me as her husband or by he or him and then wonders why i get offended. she says she wants to protect me and doesn't want to see me hurt, but if i am out wearing blatantly female clothes, i am presenting as female to everyone, including her and if she introduces me to anyone as her husband and my real name(she is quite fond of doing this, it makes me cringe every time i hear it), people have almost every right to be judgmental and condescending. it's one big reason i don'y wear the skirts outside of my apartment that i have. i'm afraid i'll get hurt or worse because she had a slip of the tongue seeing me as her husband. she says she won't do it, but how can i be sure? she refers to me when i dress like a normal female in a top and bottoms as a man still yet. i'm giving it time, but i have two little kids to think about too. i am so trying not to be mad about it, but it still does hurt. i don't want to lose her but i am afraid i will because i don't think she will ever see me as a woman........


Mickie

Mickie, you sure have your work cut out for you. Lots of people get married, have kids, then figure out what the heck is going on. You have several forks in the road before you. I recommend you not choose any of them without professional counsel. No, I am not saying you are nuts, but please consider a GID specialist if you can find one nearby. It sure helped me.

Wow Mickie, it would be good if you could re-read your post, it sounds kinda harsh on your wife.  I hope you find a good counsellor to help you both because you are both hurting, remember that.  :)

Quote from: mickie on January 10, 2008, 10:59:57 AM
i don't want to lose her but i am afraid i will because i don't think she will ever see me as a woman........

My wife explained to me that my male name was one of the last remnants of her "husband" that she could hold on to... and that it broke her heart to think of letting go of that last tie to "him." She has no trouble thinking of me as another female (which ALSO breaks her heart ), but still... it's hard for a spouse to let go of that person they'd hoped we were, or would become.

In the beginning of my transition, she just avoided my name as much as possible with me. And yet, weirdly, she ALWAYS referred to me as "Kate" to other people ("Hi mom, Kate and I are going to the store, wanna come?"). She just had difficulty calling me Kate for herself ("Hey Kate, what do you want for dinner?")... and still does I think at times.

Be patient with her. Let her know how you feel, but be careful of "demanding" change. Things will unfold and evolve over time.

~Kate~

well here is a little more behind the name, its more her family than it is her, she has gotten better to use the name i prefer. but her dad's side of the family pretty much refuses to call me by it, i don't see them to often, but when we get mail from them and stuff, it just makes me cringe. i can understand her wanting to hold on to her husband. for her family's sake, i go by Mickey also, pretty much the masculine spelling of it, or they call me Mouse, which is fine too. it took her dad probably four years to realize that was what i preferred to be referred as. i can understand he wanted to make sure i stuck around, especially after getting his daughter prego so young. i didn't abandon her then and that was rough. being 15-16 and in high school and prego isn't fun for any girl, but i stood by her side and i made sure she finished high school and she even graduated early. i know it's not an overnight thing, nothing ever is. she is quite good to me. i am being patient, i think finally one day she will come to realize who i am. i wish i could find a therapist around here. quite afraid that most of them don't deal with gender issues, the last two my mother forced me to go see, did nothing but try to cure me basically by telling me that i was a man and that is what i should be. as you can see that worked out real well. i want to talk to a professional about it, but i want to talk to a close girlfriend to, and unfortunately i have no idea where they have disappeared to. i'd like to talk to my sis(in-law), but i don't think i can, cause i don't think she is ready to hear all of everything i need to explain, especially without crying the whole time or yelling at my son for getting in to stuff. it's something i know i need to do at least to start with by myself and i just don't want my wife getting the wrong ideas, etc etc. etc. other reasons i can't really talk to my sis right now is that i don't want to burden her with my problems as she is finally getting to plan her wedding and i sure as hell don't want to ruin that for her and she is also fighting to get a house, so yeah, but i really want to talk to her and tell her the stuff i need to. she seems to understand and not to mention she seems to love my kids as if their her own. i appreciate all the advice and support you all give me.

thanks,
Mickie

Hello Mickie and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you for your introduction.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki (http://susans.org/wiki/Main_Page), chat (https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html), and the links listed at the main page. (https://www.susans.org/index.html)  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay :)

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