Susan's Place Transgender Resources

First post, omg!!! So I live in a pretty conservative small town in TX and recently came out as MtF. I'm pre-everything and don't have access to anything to help with any dysphoria (I have top and bottom dysphoria) and just feel completely lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Give the head nod, a gesture that males often do and females typically do not do.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 02, 2025, 01:24:05 PMGive the head nod, a gesture that males often do and females typically do not do.

I've do that already bc I grew up around boys but it doesn't seem like it changes how they perceive me

And I don't have any masculine clothes bc my parents still believe I'm a girl

Would you be willing to cut your hair?

Clothing would be the easiest option.

Starting hitting the gym

1. the guy-to-guy head-nod - nod up with the chin, you can either say nothing or "what's up" if you know him

2. take up as much space as you like. it's very comfy to sprawl. be a gentleman and make room for a girl, but wait for another guy to make eye-contact with you to move for him.

3. try to make answers to questions and explanations as straight-to-the-point as possible

4. make liberal use of the salutations "man", 'dude', 'brother', 'bro', 'buddy', and 'this guy' - lots of variety as compared to just "girl" or "girlfriend"

5. walk with your legs, not your hips

6. appear confident - head up, aware of things around you

7. the opposite of everything you might have been taught to do as a girl

https://www.wikihow.com/Pass-As-a-Male-(For-FTMs)

Quote from: Robbyv213 on April 02, 2025, 02:46:39 PMWould you be willing to cut your hair?

Clothing would be the easiest option.

Starting hitting the gym

1. the guy-to-guy head-nod - nod up with the chin, you can either say nothing or "what's up" if you know him

2. take up as much space as you like. it's very comfy to sprawl. be a gentleman and make room for a girl, but wait for another guy to make eye-contact with you to move for him.

3. try to make answers to questions and explanations as straight-to-the-point as possible

4. make liberal use of the salutations "man", 'dude', 'brother', 'bro', 'buddy', and 'this guy' - lots of variety as compared to just "girl" or "girlfriend"

5. walk with your legs, not your hips

6. appear confident - head up, aware of things around you

7. the opposite of everything you might have been taught to do as a girl

https://www.wikihow.com/Pass-As-a-Male-(For-FTMs)

Thank you for the much needed advice about this, but I feel like if I cut my hair it'll be too obvious bc I've had long hair all my life. And as for the gym, do you have any recommendations for a workout plan? You're a lifesaver dude

Hide your hair in a hat.  Or at least put it in a ponytail.

There are boyfriend versions of women's clothing you can wear.
They are looser and less form fitting than what women normally wear.

I work out plan is going to be based off of your current fitness level, if you plan on trying to do at home workouts or if you have access to a gym or limited access to weights or resistance bands if you plan on doing body weight exercises only etc.

There are a lot of factors that I would take into consideration in building a workout routine for someone

Most men or boys want big arms, big chest and wide shoulders.

I would advice don't neglect any muscle groups as you start your fitness journey.

And then you have to consider your goals in fitness as well. Are you looking for muscle siZe, power and strength, or well rounded overall fitness.

Quote from: Robbyv213 on April 02, 2025, 03:10:51 PMMost men or boys want big arms, big chest and wide shoulders.

I would advice don't neglect any muscle groups as you start your fitness journey.

And then you have to consider your goals in fitness as well. Are you looking for muscle siZe, power and strength, or well rounded overall fitness.

I know I want power and strength but also aesthetics. I want to look big, but not Jay Cutler big (perk of having a fitness obsessed dad is knowing too many bodybuilders) I'm only 5' and overall pretty curvy and want to lose or hide my current curves and have a more "boxy" appearance and lose some of my chest without T or other medications

If you are shorter than most women it is going to be very hard to appear masculine.

Hello Adrian,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

As you can see, you have come to the right place for helpful advice and support.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

We would like to get to know you. Once you feel comfortable here, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,8.0.html), introduce yourself and tell us something about you.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page that lists all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum has a description of what that forum is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

I will add links below that are important for new and returning members. Pay special attention to the links in RED.

Until then, if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at    LoriDee605@outlook.com

Once again, welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff

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@Adrian26
@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Maid Marion on April 02, 2025, 03:28:05 PMIf you are shorter than most women it is going to be very hard to appear masculine.

I assumed so. Sadly, my genetics weren't on my side and I'm shorter than the female average

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 02, 2025, 03:02:14 PMThank you for the much needed advice about this, but I feel like if I cut my hair it'll be too obvious bc I've had long hair all my life. And as for the gym, do you have any recommendations for a workout plan? You're a lifesaver dude

You wouldn't have to go immediately from long hair that falls down your back to a buzz cut. Not sure how long your hair is now, but you could first trim it above your shoulders and let everybody get used to that under the excuse you were looking for a new haircut. Then, after 2 months, go get a pixie cut, again under the disguise to experiment and find your style and let everybody get used to that. And then you could go for the buzz cut.

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on April 02, 2025, 04:02:13 PMYou wouldn't have to go immediately from long hair that falls down your back to a buzz cut. Not sure how long your hair is now, but you could first trim it above your shoulders and let everybody get used to that under the excuse you were looking for a new haircut. Then, after 2 months, go get a pixie cut, again under the disguise to experiment and find your style and let everybody get used to that. And then you could go for the buzz cut.

That's a amazing idea and I'll try it this summer bc I'll just say that it's too hot for long hair, which it usually is during the summer over here

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 02, 2025, 03:32:43 PMHello Adrian,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

As you can see, you have come to the right place for helpful advice and support.

We strive to make this a safe place to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

We would like to get to know you. Once you feel comfortable here, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,8.0.html), introduce yourself and tell us something about you.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page that lists all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum has a description of what that forum is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

I will add links below that are important for new and returning members. Pay special attention to the links in RED.

Until then, if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at    LoriDee605@outlook.com

Once again, welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff

---

Things that you should read

• New Members... Please Read this First (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250343.msg2295001.html#msg2295001)
• Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
• Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
• Photo, avatars, & signature images (https://www.susans.org//index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
• Site Policies and stuff to remember (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,492.0.html)
• Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
• Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)

---

@Adrian26
@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Thank you for the warm welcome Lori! It's nice to have an understanding community

Hi Adrian

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well and they given you some very good advice.  For more ideas YouTube would also be a good a good place to give you what you need.  I have put all those suggestion in this welcome message.

I'm really glad you are here.  I know it can be tough living in a small, conservative town and feeling like you don't have access to things that could help you with how you feel.  But I want you to know you are not alone in this.  Just by being open and showing up, you have already taken some brave steps.

You are definitely on the right path.  Little things like confidently nodding, having good body language and how you express yourself all make a big difference.  Keep your head up, shoulders back and move with purpose.  Speak in a straightforward, way with words like; man, dude or bro will come naturally over time or watch what other men in your area say and do.

If you have not gotten masculine clothes yet, try layering what you have.  A hoodie or a loose shirt over a basic tee can help shape your look.  You can also tuck your hair under a hat or pull it back into a ponytail until you are ready to gradually cut it.

Strength training is a fantastic idea!  Focus on your shoulders, arms, chest and back.  This helps create a more square build and can really make a difference, even without testosterone.  If you ever do gain access to it, it will just enhance the progress you are already making.

Remember, you are valid without hormones.  You are a man simply because you are.  No one else gets to define that for you.

Just be yourself and find activities that men do that you'd enjoy.

You mention you have dysphoria with your top and bottom appearances.  To help you move forward, in this area. I would suggest connecting with a gender therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor.  They can help you work through your thoughts and untangle all those "what ifs."  These professionals can provide valuable insights into your feelings assist you in understanding your identity and guide you in figuring out the next steps if any that feel right for you.

I would also be careful about who you tell in regards to this very personal issue and this includes family.  The reason being you have mentioned you live in Texas and given your current circumstances, Texas is the worst place to be in at the moment for transgender people.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@ Adrian26

Thank you for the much needed advice and support Sarah. I'm glad there's people here who are as supportive as you. I'll make sure to keep your tips in mind and try them out today and see how it goes. As of right now, Texas really isn't the best place for me, but I'm making it work. I haven't told anyone about me being a guy except for my gf and her/our( I'm her unofficial step dad) kid and a close friend of mine, all of which have been extremely supportive I don't know if there are any gender therapists in my area as I live in the Panhandle area of Texas (think Amarillo/Lubbock area) but if you know of any around here that you suggest I'll make sure to check them out. Once again, thank you for the support and advice

Quote from: Maid Marion on April 02, 2025, 03:28:05 PMIf you are shorter than most women it is going to be very hard to appear masculine.

In my band, the KB player is under 5' .. he is not mistaken for a woman.  Everything adds up when presenting so don't focus on what you can't change (that leads to being overwhelmed or dysphoria) instead work on the simple things. Those are what people subconsciously notice.

guys carry their center of balance higher in their chest/shoulders - women tend to have it lower. Men tend to have varying degrees of swagger.  Women typically have hip movement and an up/down body step.  Swagger vs up/down is all related to how you walk and the center of balance.

I remember when I came out that I 'relaxed' and walked the way that felt right. Turns out that for years I was carrying my center of balance high, like a guy. Likely from trying to fit in. When I relaxed my center of balance went lower. My spouse immediately noticed the difference.  The real key is .. don't force it, that'll look fake and draw attention to it. You want people to subconsciously recognize it.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 02, 2025, 01:22:46 PMFirst post, omg!!! So I live in a pretty conservative small town in TX and recently came out as MtF. I'm pre-everything and don't have access to anything to help with any dysphoria (I have top and bottom dysphoria) and just feel completely lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Welcome aboard, Adrian!

Is this a typo? you're saying that you're MTF in your post. I'm not saying that it takes a lot to confuse me...but you've gone and done it!  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn on April 03, 2025, 07:35:50 AMWelcome aboard, Adrian!

Is this a typo? you're saying that you're MTF in your post. I'm not saying that it takes a lot to confuse me...but you've gone and done it!  :laugh:

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm FtM and don't check my work before I post lol thanks for letting me know

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 02, 2025, 04:01:52 PMI assumed so. Sadly, my genetics weren't on my side and I'm shorter than the female average

Adrian, that doesn't matter. It isn't altitude, it's attitude, that will go a long way. It's like trans girls thinking they're too tall to be women. Put that out of your mind, okay? That is something you can't control. And something you don't need to control. What you need to do is own your height. Make it work for you. People come in all shapes and sizes. Don't think your height disqualifies you from anything. Whatever people tell you. The fundamental thing with all this is that you own yourself. And take it from there, okay? 95% of people being who they are is belief in the fact they are who they are. The world only affects you when you let it.

It is also hard to transition in place as it is hard for folks to stop dead naming you, even if they want to help you.  It isn't unusual for people to move to more accepting places.  But, I've done a social transition without moving so it can be done.

Aside from height, which you can't change, appearance doesn't count as much for a guy as for a woman.
Guys can get out of bed and off to work in fifteen minutes.

Confidence matters a lot, particularly if there are good reasons for being confident.  A  high paying job confers a lot of respect. So do valuable skills. Learning useful skills is something you do.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 03, 2025, 07:00:19 PMAdrian, that doesn't matter. It isn't altitude, it's attitude, that will go a long way. It's like trans girls thinking they're too tall to be women. Put that out of your mind, okay? That is something you can't control. And something you don't need to control. What you need to do is own your height. Make it work for you. People come in all shapes and sizes. Don't think your height disqualifies you from anything. Whatever people tell you. The fundamental thing with all this is that you own yourself. And take it from there, okay? 95% of people being who they are is belief in the fact they are who they are. The world only affects you when you let it.

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I'll make sure to be my authentic self even if I'm a short king

Quote from: Maid Marion on April 03, 2025, 07:08:51 PMIt is also hard to transition in place as it is hard for folks to stop dead naming you, even if they want to help you.  It isn't unusual for people to move to more accepting places.  But, I've done a social transition without moving so it can be done.

I love this place too much to move so I'll take some inspiration from you and keep my head up and become who I'm supposed to be right where I'm at

Hair loss is 80% genetic.  I had a co-worker who went bald in his 20s. That didn't stop him from getting married and having a family.  But I knew it bothered him.  But, not always.  My father had male pattern baldness but I have avoided that into my 60s!

Respect is something that guys earn, typically by being good workers.  Maybe that should be your primary goal right now?  But, for any number of reasons, you won't get that from some people.  African Americans have a lot of difficulty getting respect.

Quote from: Maid Marion on April 04, 2025, 03:00:57 PMHair loss is 80% genetic.  I had a co-worker who went bald in his 20s. That didn't stop him from getting married and having a family.  But I knew it bothered him.  But, not always.  My father had male pattern baldness but I have avoided that into my 60s!

Respect is something that guys earn, typically by being good workers.  Maybe that should be your primary goal right now?  But, for any number of reasons, you won't get that from some people.  African Americans have a lot of difficulty getting respect.

Yeah sadly it's hard for minorities to get respect, myself included, but you just gotta keep your head down and work to the best of your about ability and maybe someone will realize your talent

You seem like a very decent, down to earth guy, Adrian. If you don't get respect from people I would venture that's more about them and their own hangups than anything to do with you. Criticism always says more about the critic.

Just be you, do what you do. As I say, you seem like an affable, decent guy. I'd go with that. :) Whatever you do... don't be a dudebro. That just ends badly... for everyone. ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on April 04, 2025, 05:08:00 PMYou seem like a very decent, down to earth guy, Adrian. If you don't get respect from people I would venture that's more about them and their own hangups than anything to do with you. Criticism always says more about the critic.

Just be you, do what you do. As I say, you seem like an affable, decent guy. I'd go with that. :) Whatever you do... don't be a dudebro. That just ends badly... for everyone. ;D

Haha yeah, never gonna be a dudebro. Thanks for the compliment tho. Glad I'm attracting the right kind of people and you're right about what people say reflecting on them as a person. I'm always hoping I'm not being a too tough or seen as an a-hole of a guy