Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all.  My name is Alana Ashleigh.

WELCOME TO MY NEW Blog Thread here on the Susan's Place Forum.
                                       Alana's Journey
I look forward to finding like-minded members here that I can exchange comments and thoughts with. 
Please feel free to stop by and say hello.

I registered as a member here and introduced myself a little over a year ago on March 25, 2024
You can read my Introduction Posting below to learn a little more about me.
                                          INTRODUCTIONS - Hi everyone                    
                        https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247709.0.html

I am eagerly looking forward to seeing you visit me on my Blog Thread.

Warmly, Alana

@Alana Ashleigh 
Dear Alana Ashleigh:
I am so very happy to see that you have started your own Blog thread here on the Forum.

You can consider your Blog thread as your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and
followers can  find you to leave their comments and to share with you. 

Also your Blog thread is your shared personal journal that you can use to write down your thoughts
and comments as you navigate your journey and your life endeavors.

I have some older Blog threads here from several years ago that I still go back to
read what I had shared...  great memories of my trials and tribulations as I documented
my own journey. 

I also keep a personal "old school" pen & paper journey for my eyes only... complete with
colorful doodling and snapshot pictures. 
On a cold and rainy night I can be found in my comfy chair in front of my warm fireplace
reading over some of my past writings... sometimes with tears in my eyes and sometimes
with a smile on my face.

As you feel free to share your story you can find comfort in knowing that when you
share your heartache, trials, difficulties and unpleasant experiences that test your
resilience and strength... that you have like-minded members and friends here that will
be at your side to offer their shoulders for you to lean on, and their ears to listen.
On the other hand, when you share your successes, accomplishments,and happy moments we will
rejoice with you and help you to celebrate those good times in your journey.

I look forward to following your "Alana's Journey" Blog thread and I also am
eagerly looking for your future postings around the various threads on the Forum.

My warmest HUGS ... and happy Blogging and Journaling
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]  :icon_flower:  :)
The Forum Administrator

Hi, Alana Ashleigh! Welcome to Blogland!

I hope you enjoy sharing... well, whatever you choose to share here. It's your place, so make it your own. I look forward to reading it.

Best wishes,
Pema``

Alana,


I am looking forward to reading all of your posts!


Chrissy

Today is my 71st day on hrt, and I'm really starting to notice changes happening. My chest has been sore, achy, and tender for the last few days. I have a noticeable jiggle on my chest now. My lower body is slowly filling out, has some jiggle too now. My skin feels velvety smooth now as well.

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
Thank you for sharing your "happy" report.
        HRT is "magic"
 
At 2 to 3 months as you discovered, certainly changes will become quite apparent,
not just to you but also those that are close to you
 
At 6 months to a year or two there might be no easy ways to hide it...
... so stealth is more difficult if one decides not to come out.

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 22, 2025, 11:07:37 AMToday is my 71st day on hrt, and I'm really starting to notice changes happening. My chest has been sore, achy, and tender for the last few days. I have a noticeable jiggle on my chest now. My lower body is slowly filling out, has some jiggle too now. My skin feels velvety smooth now as well.

Congratulations on starting a blog, Alana! I look forward to reading your posts and sharing your journey (you're app. 50 days ahead of me on HRT). Although I did have a fleeting 'yikes' moment when Danielle mentioned 'stealth' may become a more difficult tactic to employ as we go forward. I am stealth everywhere except inside my own home and on my own land. Binders? I don't know. Guess we'll get it figured out at some point.   

Alana, that's great! Keep the good news coming!

Alana,

I agree that it is hard to be hiding a feminized body after about a year for sure, but less time for others.  You can have people wonder if you are female or male because your body may not have fully transitioned.  With effort one can hide your changes to some extent if you want to do so but that is not something most of want to do. 

The softer skin is wonderful.  I wish I was prettier but at least I look at my body and it does appear that I more feminine than masculine. 

You will need to adjust to this change to a female appearance.  People around you will notice changes.  They might not ask you if you are transitioning but they may wonder, at least they will see that "something is different now" if you have not outed yourself to them.

Of course, if you present as female these changes are most welcome.  If you do not, that can be problematic. 

I have had MTF therapy sessions that seriously discussed the need for self adjustment, it is part of self acceptance.  There is more much than looks too.  As you have more real life experience as a woman there are a lot of adjustments.  I went slowly, not working out as good as I wanted it to be, however, it is much better now.

I hope your journey goes well, and remember, there are no standard timetables.  Take a pause as needed.  Take some new steps as you are comfortable and it is practical to do so.

Yes, you can detransition but I would imagine that would be very difficult for most, but right for some.

It is exciting to see body changes.  I thought my breast growth topped out but was surprised later on by another spurt.  I still have very little hip expansion though but better rounded thighs and a little rounder bottom sure beats that flat butt look.  Wish there was more, but not lots and lots.

Eventually, you will decide how open you wish to be with others.  There are levels of openness. 
Family, friends, coworkers, those you do not know, etc.  You may decide to be more of an activist or be a more private MTF.  I just like blending in and being me.  Ideally the world would know me only as a woman and the past is not brought up but I am unsure if that result could ever happen in today's society. 


Hugs,

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on July 22, 2025, 02:37:34 PMAlana,



It is exciting to see body changes.  I thought my breast growth topped out but was surprised later on by another spurt.  I still have very little hip expansion though but better rounded thighs and a little rounder bottom sure beats that flat butt look.  Wish there was more, but not lots and lots.

I was very nervous a few weeks ago about the changes. However, now that the changes are happening, it feels exciting, and very validating. Seeing the changes validates my femininity. Having a more feminine lower is  very important to me.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 22, 2025, 05:03:51 PMI was very nervous a few weeks ago about the changes. However, now that the changes are happening, it feels exciting, and very validating. Seeing the changes validates my femininity. Having a more feminine lower is  very important to me.

Alana,


I am really still waiting for wider hips that may never arrive.  So I do wear at times pants that are a size too big as they have more material to maybe make it look that I have more of a nice lower shape, and curvy cut pants and jeans help too.  Corsets can provide a nice shape but that is a bit extreme for everyday.

But I do not like much extra material or baggy so that is not for everyday either! 

Enjoy your journey.

Chrissy

I had been feeling very euphoric at the beginning of the week. I felt like I had swagger in my step. However, the last two days, I've felt very "meh." I'm not sure if it's the hormones making me feel like this. I have an appointment with a new doctor next week for hrt, so I'm hoping my levels get checked.

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
I trust that your next weeks HTR doctor review goes well for you.

I understand your frustration AND for me there are also times
that I am not feeling like I am running on all 8 cylinders.
 
It is not always related to hormone levels or other body
health issues.  For me it can also be things like my relationship
issues or other employment and life events that affect how I feel
mentally and approach my day.

I am enjoying following your journey.  Keep the updates coming.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 24, 2025, 02:23:19 PMI had been feeling very euphoric at the beginning of the week. I felt like I had swagger in my step. However, the last two days, I've felt very "meh." I'm not sure if it's the hormones making me feel like this. I have an appointment with a new doctor next week for hrt, so I'm hoping my levels get checked.

You knew I was going to poke my nose in eventually. ;)

*massive hugs*

Love you, AA. <3

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 24, 2025, 02:23:19 PMI had been feeling very euphoric at the beginning of the week. I felt like I had swagger in my step. However, the last two days, I've felt very "meh." I'm not sure if it's the hormones making me feel like this. I have an appointment with a new doctor next week for hrt, so I'm hoping my levels get checked.

This too likely will pass.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on July 24, 2025, 08:33:58 PMThis too likely will pass.

I hope so. Today was really tough.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 25, 2025, 07:06:42 PMI hope so. Today was really tough.

Girl, you know you can always message me when you're feeling down, okay?

*big hugs*

<3

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 25, 2025, 07:06:42 PMI hope so. Today was really tough.

Some days are not as good as others.  Look for better days around the corner.  They will arrive.

Chrissy

Alana, I'm sorry it's been rough. Hang in there, friend. It ebbs and flows. I try to keep in mind that all of these feelings are part of the human experience, so even the "less likable" ones show us the breadth of who we are. And sometimes it's still pretty icky.

We're with you.

May today be a GREAT day for you Alana!

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on July 26, 2025, 07:22:42 AMMay today be a GREAT day for you Alana!

Chrissy

Chrissy, thank you! Today is going much better.  😀

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 26, 2025, 06:27:10 PMChrissy, thank you! Today is going much better.  😀

Yay!

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 21, 2025, 10:12:06 PMHello all.  My name is Alana Ashleigh.

WELCOME TO MY NEW Blog Thread here on the Susan's Place Forum.
                                      Alana's Journey

Hi Alana,

Thank you for opening up this space and sharing your journey, and I can feel the heart behind your words.

I look forward to following your journey and exchanging thoughts along the way. It's good to be in a space where we can grow together, learn from one another, and hold each other with kindness.

Best wishes on this beautiful path.

~ Lilis 🌷

Today is my 76 day of hrt, and I officially need to wear a bra now. I have enough growth that I need a bra for support, and to stop the pain and discomfort I've been experiencing. I can't believe I finally hit this milestone. I went bra shopping earlier today, too.  😀

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
It is wonderful for me to read and very affirming for you that you have
come to the time in your transition and HRT regimen that you now have to
wear a bra for your comfort and support.

Yes indeed, this is a milestone for your transition that you will always remember.
      Enjoy the experience.
                                Be ready and expecting more to come.

Thank you for sharing and posting your experience. 
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 27, 2025, 03:33:15 PMToday is my 76 day of hrt, and I officially need to wear a bra now. I have enough growth that I need a bra for support, and to stop the pain and discomfort I've been experiencing. I can't believe I finally hit this milestone. I went bra shopping earlier today, too.  😀

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 27, 2025, 03:33:15 PMToday is my 76 day of hrt, and I officially need to wear a bra now.

"Yay! Boobies! 💕🌹🎊


~ Lilis 😊

Wow, Alana! You are a quick study! Congratulations!

I had my doctor appointment with my new hrt doctor this week. The appointment went very well. I told the doctor that I'm happy with the progress I'm making, the only thing I want to change is to switch from pills to patches. She agreed, and sent the prescription to the pharmacy. I started using the patches yesterday... however, the doctor said something significant that caught me off guard when I was talking to her. She said: " you've always been a woman." I've never had my femaleness validated like that. I never realized how powerful being validated is. Her saying such small thing completely changed my week.

That's phenomenal, Alana! I'm so glad things are going so well. And, from the sounds of it, you've found yourself a pretty great person to be your doctor. Congratulations all around.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 30, 2025, 07:23:40 PMI never realized how powerful being validated is. Her saying such small thing completely changed my week.

That is awesome. I know it doesn't happen often enough, but when it does... Wowza!

Thanks for sharing.

Hugs!

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on July 30, 2025, 07:23:40 PMShe said: " you've always been a woman."

Wow! What a powerful thing to hear, Alana!

In that moment, Alana was seen.

Sounds like the world is ready for you, doll. 💗


~ Lilis 🌹

Today was my third day of being on my new patches. I'm very much enjoying being on patches compared to pills. The effects I'm experiencing are far more pronounced than I was feeling on pills. My attraction to women has gone through the roof. I've always been attracted to women, but this is like nothing I ever experienced. " girl crazy" is the only way I can describe it. The psychological effects are more profound as well. I was sitting at my desk at work eating lunch, and "all apologies" by nirvana came on the radio. I felt so emotional listening to it. I could feel the pain in the lyrics. Even a story about a hurt animal is enough to make me feel  emotional now.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 01, 2025, 08:01:03 PMToday was my third day of being on my new patches. I'm very much enjoying being on patches compared to pills. The effects I'm experiencing are far more pronounced than I was feeling on pills. My attraction to women has gone through the roof. I've always been attracted to women, but this is like nothing I ever experienced. " girl crazy" is the only way I can describe it. The psychological effects are more profound as well. I was sitting at my desk at work eating lunch, and "all apologies" by nirvana came on the radio. I felt so emotional listening to it. I could feel the pain in the lyrics. Even a story about a hurt animal is enough to make me feel  emotional now.

The increase in libido is a sign the hormones are working... as is the emotional parts. Welcome to womanhood.  ;D

Sounds promising!

Sounds like you are faring better.  Yay!


Chrissy

I like being myself more than ever because it is the way it should have always been for me.

I do not like to say present as a woman because I am a woman.  I do prefer living as a female than as a male.

It is not just a bunch of fun or delight, as we woman have issues to deal with, just as men have theirs.

But I am better off for sure now.

Chrissy

Alana,


May your life ahead be good for you. 


Hugs,

Chrissy

It's been a few days since I posted here. It's been sort of uneventful. I've been feeling pretty happy and content with how everything is going in my transition right now. It's a weird feeling to feel this way. Dysphoria, and all the related feelings used to take up so much of my energy that I feel guilty for feeling happy.

@Alana Ashleigh

Dear Alana:
Your update is wonderful for me to read...

          "uneventful" can be a very good thing.  !!!

and being "happy and content" with your transition journey is certain wonderful thing for you to experence.

Definitly rejoice in how well things are going for you...  have absolutely NO GUILT for feeling happy.

Keep your updates coming...

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 05, 2025, 05:42:41 PMIt's been a few days since I posted here. It's been sort of uneventful. I've been feeling pretty happy and content with how everything is going in my transition right now. It's a weird feeling to feel this way. Dysphoria, and all the related feelings used to take up so much of my energy that I feel guilty for feeling happy.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 05, 2025, 05:42:41 PMI've been feeling pretty happy and content with how everything is going in my transition right now. It's a weird feeling to feel this way. Dysphoria, and all the related feelings used to take up so much of my energy that I feel guilty for feeling happy.

If you are happy and content even though life is uneventful, guess what, sister? You are doing it right! That is one of the surest signs that you are on the right path. Never feel guilty about being happy for no reason. It's a great thing.  🙂

I started Estradiol almost two months ago (sans spiro because of underlying health concerns). No need for a bra yet but, like you Alana, I am noticing subtle changes in my sexuality and emotional lability. Please let me know if you start crying at commercials so I can stock up on tissue.

Quote from: Dances With Trees on August 05, 2025, 07:16:29 PMI started Estradiol almost two months ago (sans spiro because of underlying health concerns). No need for a bra yet but, like you Alana, I am noticing subtle changes in my sexuality and emotional lability. Please let me know if you start crying at commercials so I can stock up on tissue.

I've not been able to cry yet. It's been one of the only things about hrt that has been disappointing. The sexuality change caught me off guard. The intensity of being even more attracted to women wasn't something I was expecting.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 05, 2025, 07:27:45 PMThe intensity of being even more attracted to women wasn't something I was expecting.

Yes! I love the unexpected turns in the road. Sometimes I feel like I've done this Freaky Friday thing and transformed into a young girl. For me, it's amazing (and mostly fun).

Quote from: Dances With Trees on August 05, 2025, 07:36:11 PMYes! I love the unexpected turns in the road. Sometimes I feel like I've done this Freaky Friday thing and transformed into a young girl. For me, it's amazing (and mostly fun).

Definitely a good way to put it. I've caught that teenage girl attitude coming out of me a few times recently. It makes me laugh when it happens.

Alana, I'm in agreement with the others: Celebrate the happiness and save the guilt for something else (or toss it altogether).

On this:

Quote from: Dances With Trees on August 05, 2025, 07:16:29 PMPlease let me know if you start crying at commercials so I can stock up on tissue.

I may be in trouble. My wife has always told people that I cry at Hallmark commercials, and it's true. What will happen with HRT?

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 05, 2025, 08:14:12 PMDefinitely a good way to put it. I've caught that teenage girl attitude coming out of me a few times recently. It makes me laugh when it happens.

 I sometimes have dreams of how life should have been growing up.  This includes all the fuss made to make a daughter look precious and pretty over the years.  Getting my hair to look adorable.  My teen years, and college years the way they should have been.  Then better experiences as I started to transition and worked as female, because all my life everyone treated me as a female.

 But then reality sets in and I think more realistically, recognizing issues but also that I have done okay.  Life is good.  I am grateful.

 It is important to be grateful.


Chrissy

Quote from: Pema on August 05, 2025, 08:30:50 PMI may be in trouble. My wife has always told people that I cry at Hallmark commercials, and it's true. What will happen with HRT?

Buy stock in Kleenex!  ;D

I say what if things had happened earlier but then I would not change a thing as have had a good life. Not a great life but good, blessed with 3 great children and I have done things I liked . It was the right time for me to change, things just fell in place so go with the flow dear as it will happen when its time.

Quote from: davina61 on August 06, 2025, 02:39:43 AMI say what if things had happened earlier but then I would not change a thing as have had a good life. Not a great life but good, blessed with 3 great children and I have done things I liked . It was the right time for me to change, things just fell in place so go with the flow dear as it will happen when its time.

Sounds nice and reasonable Davina.

Hugs,

Chrissy

Today was pretty  much the same as yesterday. I was feeling giggly and silly a little bit ago, but had a big mood swing come out of nowhere. It has me feeling really heavy and overwhelmed with emotion.
:(   

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 06, 2025, 07:54:15 PMhad a big mood swing come out of nowhere. It has me feeling really heavy and overwhelmed with emotion.

There are three things that you can do to help.

1. Change your thinking. Just choose to think about something else, something you enjoy.
2. Change your activity. Read a book, watch a movie, play a game, or do some exercise.
3. Change your environment. Go for a walk, visit a friend, take a bubble bath, play some music.

Sometimes our moods are triggered by things we are not consciously aware of, like a smell, a sound, or a memory. We like to blame our hormones, but they are not the cause. They only make us more sensitive to subtle things that can trigger us.

Give it a try.

Hugs!

@Alana Ashleigh  @Lori Dee

Going for a walk usually works for me...

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 06, 2025, 10:11:59 PMThere are three things that you can do to help.

1. Change your thinking. Just choose to think about something else, something you enjoy.
2. Change your activity. Read a book, watch a movie, play a game, or do some exercise.
3. Change your environment. Go for a walk, visit a friend, take a bubble bath, play some music.

Sometimes our moods are triggered by things we are not consciously aware of, like a smell, a sound, or a memory. We like to blame our hormones, but they are not the cause. They only make us more sensitive to subtle things that can trigger us.

Give it a try.

Hugs!

 I like play golf for a mental reset.  Like hitting the "big red switch!"

I also do retail therapy.  I've bought a lot stuff I didn't realize I needed!

I now own all sorts of specialty clothes.  I'm wearing a Terry cloth crop top and short shorts as it is 80 in the computer room right now. If I open up the windows and it cools down I can add a matching long sleeve pullover!

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 06, 2025, 10:11:59 PMSometimes our moods are triggered by things we are not consciously aware of, like a smell, a sound, or a memory. We like to blame our hormones, but they are not the cause. They only make us more sensitive to subtle things that can trigger us.

I agree with you on scent effecting moods. I didn't wear my normal perfume today, and I've felt so "meh" today. I experienced this same thing two weeks ago when I wore a different perfume. I just don't feel like the same woman when I wear something different.

Back in the day, I sold scented candles. Each year, we would drive down to Phoenix for an annual convention. At one of them, they had a seminar featuring a psychologist and a perfumist. The psychologist explained how we form memories and that the "image" stored in our subconscious is a combination of all of our senses: sight, smell, sound, taste, touch, and emotion. Any one of the senses can evoke the memory, and thus the emotion. We may not even be aware of it, we just feel up or down.  ;D

The perfumist had formerly worked for a big cosmetics company. She explained how scents are created and had us do experiments by combining the scents of different candles, then notice if it triggers a memory, or if it is something that you just like or dislike.

I discovered a very interesting combination accidentally while unboxing candles at the State Fair. I opened a large Lily candle and a small Rose candle, and the combined scent was heavenly. I don't know why, but I love it.  🙂

Bacon scented candles seem to be popular with some folks!

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 07, 2025, 06:25:34 PMBacon scented candles seem to be popular with some folks!

I could tell you stories. But not here. This is Alana's space.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 07, 2025, 07:19:02 PMI could tell you stories. But not here. This is Alana's space.  ;D

Lori,


Try your blog!


Chrissy

Today is my 10 day on patches, and my 88 day of hrt. Last night, I noticed that I'm
feeling emotions much more deeply. I've been on a roller coaster with my emotions in the last 24 hours. I'm due to change my patch tonight. I'm thinking about changing the time that I apply my patch... the joys of being a shift worker.  😛

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 08, 2025, 06:04:55 PMToday is my 10 day on patches, and my 88 day of hrt. Last night, I noticed that I'm
feeling emotions much more deeply. I've been on a roller coaster with my emotions in the last 24 hours. I'm due to change my patch tonight. I'm thinking about changing the time that I apply my patch... the joys of being a shift worker.  😛

It is good that you pay attention to what your body is telling you. By recognizing what might be the cause, there is no need to be alarmed. It also serves as a reminder: "Oh yeah, I gotta change patches tomorrow."  ;D

I did something  small a few days ago. I changed my name to Alana in a few apps I use. I did it, and forgot about it until went to the gas station this afternoon to get a snack, and saw the loyalty screen said: "Hi, Alana." It put a smile on my face. It's just something small, but it made me happy.  ;D

Hi Alana,


I hope your weekend so far has been good, it seems so with that smile on your face.

I changed my name on loyalty rewards accounts and it is nice to see the female version of Chris pop up.  I have not changed my legal names yet.

Hugs,

Chrissy

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 09, 2025, 04:12:20 PMIt put a smile on my face. It's just something small, but it made me happy.  ;D

See? Even machines can offer you affirmation! It is a good feeling to be acknowledged, even by non-humans.  🙂

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 09, 2025, 04:12:20 PMI did something  small a few days ago. I changed my name to Alana in a few apps I use. I did it, and forgot about it until went to the gas station this afternoon to get a snack, and saw the loyalty screen said: "Hi, Alana." It put a smile on my face. It's just something small, but it made me happy.  ;D

Life is a big heap of small things, AA. You deserve to be happy. And any little thing which helps that is a good thing. 🙂

Celebrate life, all the little things. 

The good little things can be BIG.

IT FINALLY HAPPENED!

I had my first cry on hrt. I read a sad story on Facebook, and I cried. I didn't think it was ever going to happen! 😁

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 10, 2025, 04:35:16 PMIT FINALLY HAPPENED!

I had my first cry on hrt. I read a sad story on Facebook, and I cried. I didn't think it was ever going to happen! 😁

You are such a girl!  ;D
Congrats!

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 10, 2025, 04:36:45 PMYou are such a girl!  ;D
Congrats!

I'm close to crying today for no reason. I'm feeling very emotional today.

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:

I fully understand about crying.

I can hardly watch a Hallmark movie without having some tissues nearby.`

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 10, 2025, 04:35:16 PMIT FINALLY HAPPENED!

I had my first cry on hrt. I read a sad story on Facebook, and I cried. I didn't think it was ever going to happen! 😁

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 11, 2025, 03:55:06 PMI'm close to crying today for no reason. I'm feeling very emotional today.

Then I am sending you a giant CYBER-HUG!

You will experience a range of emotions during your journey Alana.

I hope you will not have many bad times and that you will have many good times.


Chrissy

Watching the film My Fair Lady always makes me cry, just thinking about it has made my eyes water.

Today is a pretty big day in my journey. Today is my 90th day on hrt. Time had gone by so quickly.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 12, 2025, 11:47:57 AMToday is a pretty big day in my journey. Today is my 90th day on hrt. Time had gone by so quickly.

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
Yes indeed... it is a big day in your journey...  at 90 days you are starting to see
changes quite noticeably, and also those that are close to you may also see your changes.
 
Hang on, because the next 90 days on HRT will be more noticeable and profound based on my own experience.
                      ❤️❤️❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 12, 2025, 11:47:57 AMToday is a pretty big day in my journey. Today is my 90th day on hrt. Time had gone by so quickly.

That is a lot of days!

Chrissy

Congrats! Every milestone is worth celebrating!  🙂

Today was an interesting day for me. I had a dream in which I came out, and I was completely accepted, then got dressed up, and took pictures. I woke up feeling so incredibly peaceful

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 13, 2025, 05:53:52 PMToday was an interesting day for me. I had a dream in which I came out, and I was completely accepted, then got dressed up, and took pictures. I woke up feeling so incredibly peaceful

Interesting, that is.

Sounds like a very pleasant dream.


Chrissy

The universe showing you the way? or your unconscious mind telling the truth?

Quote from: davina61 on August 14, 2025, 02:17:27 AMThe universe showing you the way? or your unconscious mind telling the truth?

It's definitely telling me something.

I've been eagerly awaiting the physical changed from hrt, and it looks like I'm slowly starting to get them. I'm definitely starting to see my face get softer, my skin texture is different, and I'm ever so slightly starting to get some fat redistribution. 😁

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 14, 2025, 10:52:32 PMI've been eagerly awaiting the physical changed from hrt, and it looks like I'm slowly starting to get them. I'm definitely starting to see my face get softer, my skin texture is different, and I'm ever so slightly starting to get some fat redistribution. 😁

I first noticed it on my legs. Less muscle definition and softer skin. But I see my legs more than my face.  ;D

But after that, I did notice my facial features softening, so I look more like my mom and less like my dad. Sorry, Pops.  🙂

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 14, 2025, 10:52:32 PMI've been eagerly awaiting the physical changed from hrt, and it looks like I'm slowly starting to get them. I'm definitely starting to see my face get softer, my skin texture is different, and I'm ever so slightly starting to get some fat redistribution. 😁

The facial changes were very nice to see. 

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 14, 2025, 10:52:32 PMI've been eagerly awaiting the physical changed from hrt, and it looks like I'm slowly starting to get them. I'm definitely starting to see my face get softer, my skin texture is different, and I'm ever so slightly starting to get some fat redistribution. 😁

Yay! At early 30's it sounds like you're right on schedule, and can potentially be someone whose body responds well.

Congrats! 🎉


I can't wait for some pics.  ;D


~ Lilis 🌷

It was a slow night at work last night, so I had some time to think.. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm becoming the person I always should've been. Deadname wasn't a happy person. Alana is a very happy person.  😀

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 16, 2025, 05:51:04 PMIt was a slow night at work last night, so I had some time to think.. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm becoming the person I always should've been. Deadname wasn't a happy person. Alana is a very happy person.  :D

Alana is a very awesome person. Girl, I've watched you grow and strive and yearn to be who you are. You've come such a massive long way from that introverted, shy, insecure girl I met a long time ago. You have come out of your shell and seen the world as it can be.

I am SO proud of you. You are an inspiration to everyone who thinks they can't do this.

Alana,


You go girl!


Chrissy

One thing I've really been noticing that I'm experiencing more frequently the longer I'm on hrt, is I get the feeling of being overwhelmed. The feeling will come out of nowhere, and for no reason.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 17, 2025, 08:49:35 PMOne thing I've really been noticing that I'm experiencing more frequently the longer I'm on hrt, is I get the feeling of being overwhelmed. The feeling will come out of nowhere, and for no reason.

There could be many reasons for this. Your body is adjusting to the hormones. But transitioning itself has a lot of moving parts, so a lot is happening in the background. You may not be consciously aware of it all, but your mind is, and is processing more data.

Have you been getting enough sleep? When you sleep, do you sleep well? When you wake up, do you feel refreshed or drained?

Sleep is very important to help us deal with all kinds of stress. Sleep not only helps the body heal and rejuvenate, but it is also when the mind processes all of the information that it has absorbed over the last 24 hours. Typically, this happens during REM sleep, so if you are not sleeping well, it can interfere with the mind's ability to process.

People who experience trauma usually feel like they just want to sleep. This is the mind telling them it needs to process these experiences. When people go without sleep, or their sleep is interrupted, they may feel emotionally drained because their mind did not have a chance to process. This can lead to irritability or a sense of being overwhelmed.

Have you noticed problems with your sleep? I would also talk to your therapist about this. If sleep is not the issue, perhaps your therapist can help you figure out what is going on. For this to happen occasionally is not unusual. But if it is happening more frequently, it might be time to have someone take a closer look.

I hope you can get it resolved soon.

Hugs!

I have been awaking too early for many mornings recently. Often I can get back to sleep.
So it's important to monitor how your sleep impacts you.

In regards to being overwhelmed, if you are anxious about some things, this can contribute to the feeling of being overwhelmed.  Transitioning can bring about some uncertainty, disquieting you, make one wondering if you can handle all the important things in life, and bring about some fears.  All that can contribute to feeling overwhelmed.

I wish you get some inner peace and comfort to pull you through this current feeling.

Hugs,


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 17, 2025, 09:53:57 PMI have been awaking too early for many mornings recently. Often I can get back to sleep.
So it's important to monitor how your sleep impacts you.

In regards to being overwhelmed, if you are anxious about some things, this can contribute to the feeling of being overwhelmed.  Transitioning can bring about some uncertainty, disquieting you, make one wondering if you can handle all the important things in life, and bring about some fears.  All that can contribute to feeling overwhelmed.

I wish you get some inner peace and comfort to pull you through this current feeling.

Hugs,


Chrissy

I'm having a lot of anxiety lately. I don't have a good reason for feeling anxious that I can think of.

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 17, 2025, 09:26:07 PMThere could be many reasons for this. Your body is adjusting to the hormones. But transitioning itself has a lot of moving parts, so a lot is happening in the background. You may not be consciously aware of it all, but your mind is, and is processing more data.

Have you been getting enough sleep? When you sleep, do you sleep well? When you wake up, do you feel refreshed or drained?

Sleep is very important to help us deal with all kinds of stress. Sleep not only helps the body heal and rejuvenate, but it is also when the mind processes all of the information that it has absorbed over the last 24 hours. Typically, this happens during REM sleep, so if you are not sleeping well, it can interfere with the mind's ability to process.

People who experience trauma usually feel like they just want to sleep. This is the mind telling them it needs to process these experiences. When people go without sleep, or their sleep is interrupted, they may feel emotionally drained because their mind did not have a chance to process. This can lead to irritability or a sense of being overwhelmed.

Have you noticed problems with your sleep? I would also talk to your therapist about this. If sleep is not the issue, perhaps your therapist can help you figure out what is going on. For this to happen occasionally is not unusual. But if it is happening more frequently, it might be time to have someone take a closer look.

I hope you can get it resolved soon.

Hugs!

My work schedule has been very wonky the last few weeks. I should be go back a straight shift in a few days. That is definitely playing a part in this, I suspect. It's interesting you mention sleep. I've been having very intense dreams lately.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 17, 2025, 10:01:16 PMMy work schedule has been very wonky the last few weeks. I should be go back a straight shift in a few days. That is definitely playing a part in this, I suspect. It's interesting you mention sleep. I've been having very intense dreams lately.

I think you might be onto something there. REM sleep is when your mind processes all of the stuff it has observed and stored in short-term memory. If something happens (good or bad) that stirs a strong emotional response, that memory will be stronger than something like remembering that you walked into a room.

During REM, the mind sorts through these memories, much like sorting your mail. The important stuff gets moved into long-term memory, and the "junk mail" gets moved to the "discard pile". Memories that are stored in the brain require energy to maintain them, just like a computer. This sorting process allows the mind to be more efficient by not wasting energy on unimportant things.

What happens to the "discard pile"? A way to think of it is like this. It required energy to store those memories in the first place, so the mind needs a way to recover that energy. Since the memories are a collection of data received from the senses, the energy recovery process is the same thing in reverse, out through the senses. We experience this process as dreams.

The subject matter of the dream is not important because it is just "junk mail" being purged from the system. It is not something to worry about. Powerful dreams are a sign that powerful stuff is being purged and that energy is being reclaimed. The problems arise when REM sleep is interrupted so that the mind can't clear out the clutter. If the dreams are too powerful or too disruptive, they can cause you to wake up before the work was done. Over time, this can leave you feeling fatigued, overwhelmed, anxious, or stressed. This is a common problem with shift workers.

My dad worked rotating shifts when he worked for NASA. When he worked Days or Graveyard, he was ok. But when he worked Swing Shift, he had a rough time of it. Working on four hours, off four hours, then back on four hours, makes it hard to adjust to. Then just when you've about had it covered, your shift changes to something else.

Hopefully, this will get resolved when you get back to straight shifts.

@Alana Ashleigh  @Lori Dee

When I started college right after high school I had a job that was swing shift. 
.I hated it, then I changed to graveyard night shift and it was much easier for me to deal with. 

I would get off work at 7:00am and head to a restaurant that served lunch and dinner food 24 Hours a day.
I did not want breakfast after working my night shift, I usually ordered a Cheeseburger and Fries
for my morning meals when I got off work... and soon heading to my classes.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on August 18, 2025, 10:08:24 AM@Alana Ashleigh  @Lori Dee

When I started college right after high school I had a job that was swing shift. 
.I hated it, then I changed to graveyard night shift and it was much easier for me to deal with. 

I would get off work at 7:00am and head to a restaurant that served lunch and dinner food 24 Hours a day.
I did not want breakfast after working my night shift, I usually ordered a Cheeseburger and Fries
for my morning meals when I got off work... and soon heading to my classes.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

I go back to working straight afternoons tomorrow. That should help tremendously. I was working days, then middays the last few weeks. Working afternoons has always been my preferred schedule. I tried working graveyard shift when I was in college. It was very hard on me.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 18, 2025, 11:43:07 AMI go back to working straight afternoons tomorrow. That should help tremendously. I was working days, then middays the last few weeks. Working afternoons has always been my preferred schedule. I tried working graveyard shift when I was in college. It was very hard on me.

It takes time for your body to adjust to different sleep schedules. In the Army, when we did Night Training, they would gradually adjust our schedule for a week, then we would work nights for 30-60 days, followed by another week of an adjustment schedule to get us back to working days.

Today has gone much better. No anxiety, or feeling of being overwhelmed. Interesting little side note: I definitely noticed fat redistribution today. My upper hip area definitely has gotten bigger, and there a subtle curve in my back now. 🥳🤩

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 18, 2025, 08:22:33 PMToday has gone much better. No anxiety, or feeling of being overwhelmed. Interesting little side note: I definitely noticed fat redistribution today. My upper hip area definitely has gotten bigger, and there a subtle curve in my back now. 🥳🤩

That sounds very good Alana. 

One crude and thoughtless person told me once a few years back that I had a women's bottom but I was not a woman.  I did not think it looked that way back then and I still have not had much fat redistribution.  May never have much.  But, that is what nature is providing.  You get what you get.

I am glad you are getting some fat in right places.  That is good!   It is nice to get some "roundness" / "curviness" down there.

Chrissy

I got home from work last night and was reading a book, and something about me just felt different. Maybe it's my energy, Maybe I finally feel like my true self. I just can't find the correct words to express it.  ???

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 21, 2025, 05:08:37 PMI got home from work last night and was reading a book, and something about me just felt different. Maybe it's my energy, Maybe I finally feel like my true self. I just can't find the correct words to express it.  ???

Sounds uplifting. 

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 21, 2025, 05:08:37 PMI got home from work last night and was reading a book, and something about me just felt different. Maybe it's my energy, Maybe I finally feel like my true self. I just can't find the correct words to express it.  ???

You will have many times of elation during your transition journey.  Savor them.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on August 21, 2025, 09:14:23 PMYou will have many times of elation during your transition journey.  Savor them.

Chrissy,
I'm very much enjoying this. It feels surreal to see the changes in mirror happening. I'm riding a very nice euphoria highs

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 22, 2025, 06:40:15 PMChrissy,
I'm very much enjoying this. It feels surreal to see the changes in mirror happening. I'm riding a very nice euphoria highs

It helps when you get a good night's sleep, eh?  ;D

This week so far has been one of more enjoyable weeks in my transition. I'm really starting to see changes. My lower body is really starting to become shapely. It feels surreal to see it happening. One thing that keeps popping into my head is the desire to have my femininity noticed, and admired. It's a thought that I can't seem to get out of my head. I tried to placate that feeling today when I did my
makeup. I went pretty heavy with my mascara. I put on four coats of mascara instead of the one thin coat I normally do.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 22, 2025, 06:56:46 PMThis week so far has been one of more enjoyable weeks in my transition. I'm really starting to see changes. My lower body is really starting to become shapely. It feels surreal to see it happening. One thing that keeps popping into my head is the desire to have my femininity noticed, and admired. It's a thought that I can't seem to get out of my head. I tried to placate that feeling today when I did my
makeup. I went pretty heavy with my mascara. I put on four coats of mascara instead of the one thin coat I normally do.

That is a lot of mascara.  Do enjoy your expressions of femininity.

For me I go minimalist with makeup as less is more.  But that is just me.  It works for me.

For others, well, they have their desired looks and we all have different skin and undertones.
We each have our ways to express ourselves.


It is nice to be feminine, that is for sure.


Chrissy

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 22, 2025, 06:56:46 PMThis week so far has been one of more enjoyable weeks in my transition. I'm really starting to see changes. My lower body is really starting to become shapely. It feels surreal to see it happening. One thing that keeps popping into my head is the desire to have my femininity noticed, and admired. It's a thought that I can't seem to get out of my head. I tried to placate that feeling today when I did my
makeup. I went pretty heavy with my mascara. I put on four coats of mascara instead of the one thin coat I normally do.

Trust me, Alana, your femininity is noticed. 🙂 And it has nothing to do with how you look. <3

I went into the weekend riding a euphoria high, only to have dysphoria, and envy come back. I'm dealing with some bottom dysphoria too. It's been a disappointing weekend. I haven't had any dysphoria since I started hrt in May.

Some days are tougher than others.  Envy is best when it is not present.

I have it some days. 


Chrissy

Like yours, Alana, my body is shapeshifting and I experience similar mood swings as those you describe. As these changes occur, my circle keeps getting smaller and smaller. I comfort myself by telling the image in the mirror, 'I'm really the only one who cares what you look like.' That seems to help me keep perspective.

I went swimming yesterday and had a hard time getting my swim trunks on. I've had more fat redistribution than I thought. I went for my morning workout and noticed I've lost a bit of my strength. My upper body seems to be the most affected. My lower body has lost some strength as well. It takes a bit more effort to lift weight I used to do with ease. I ran a mile for part of my training, and I definitely need a sports bra when I run now.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on August 25, 2025, 08:23:57 PMI went swimming yesterday and had a hard time getting my swim trunks on. I've had more fat redistribution than I thought. I went for my morning workout and noticed I've lost a bit of my strength. My upper body seems to be the most affected. My lower body has lost some strength as well. It takes a bit more effort to lift weight I used to do with ease. I ran a mile for part of my training, and I definitely need a sports bra when I run now.

This sounds as if there will be more nice changes to come!

Chrissy

I had a one month follow up appointment with my new hrt doctor this morning. She just asked me a few general questions, and ordered labs for me to get my levels checked. I haven't had my levels checked yet. I would've gotten them done after the appointment, but had to get home and get ready for work.

Alana, just be... and enjoy just being. I know you have a lot inside you because you see people and wish you could be like them. Girl... from talking to you... you are everything you want to be. Take each day at a time and enjoy the changes you're seeing. But more than that.. you are more than anything or anyone you think you are, okay? What's on the outside is only a slow-moving reflection of what's inside. And you can't lose that. You will get there, sweetie. Don't envy other women, because you are one of the most beautiful, awesome women I've ever had the pleasure to speak to. If you spoke to these people, they would probably envy you being you. Because that's how people work.

Live your life, and love your life. Enjoy being your woman. Instead of a woman. You are unique. Take pride in that, sweetie. The world might be a better place if more people did. 🙂

I've been kinda quiet on here lately. Nothing major has happened recently. The only thing that's changed is my chest has become sore. My boobs have been feeling sore, and heavy. I see a bit of growth in the mirror, but nothing major. I've found that wearing a bra helps with alleviating some of the discomfort. Interestingly, I feel better mentally when I wear a bra.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 02, 2025, 09:23:36 PMI've found that wearing a bra helps with alleviating some of the discomfort.

It helps with support, so that will ease some of the discomfort. A bra also provides some insulation when going between a warm outside and a cool inside. I notice I will get an ache if they get chilled. It won't be long, and you'll be joining us in our complaints about boob sweat... until winter sets in.  ;D

The last two days have been interesting. I was feeling very moody yesterday at work. I haven't experienced much moodiness since the beginning of August. Something woke up my boobs and I've been feeling all of sensations going on in them. Today, I had a huge rush different feelings all in a short time. I felt like a hormonal teenager with all the ups and downs I was feeling. It felt euphoric to be experiencing all of this. This may sound silly, but I just tried to enjoy this experience. Next Friday, I'll be on hormones for four months.

Today was a weird day for me. I was very heavy with emotions today. I've never experienced anything like this. I had to take several breaks at work tonight just because of how I was feeling. It was like feeling emotions in 3D. There's been a few times this week I could've easily cried for no reason.

I hope you find some inner peace Alana.

I remember getting moody at times.  It is not as I do not anymore it is just not that prevalent.
I do not seem to cry for no reason.  I do cry though. 

Getting 'in touch' with your emotions after decades of repressing them is quite a roller coaster. They will calm down eventually. I've found that if I'm telling someone an emotional story, closing my eyes helps me control my emotions.

Be prepared for sudden, unexpected rounds of euphoria. The first time I experienced one, it was a bit frightening.

I loved wearing bras initially. They are so affirming! After a few years, I realized how hot they were in the summer. I've stopped wearing them now, except for special occasions.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I never posted this last Friday since I was busy at work all night... last Friday was my 120 day of being on hormones. I can't believe how fast time has gone. Being on hormones has gone better than I was expecting. There's been a few ups and down, some moodiness, and a bit of crying, but I'm feeling the happiest I've felt in ages. I'm definitely seeing changes. They're subtle, but there.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 15, 2025, 09:35:03 PMI never posted this last Friday since I was busy at work all night... last Friday was my 120 day of being on hormones. I can't believe how fast time has gone. Being on hormones has gone better than I was expecting. There's been a few ups and down, some moodiness, and a bit of crying, but I'm feeling the happiest I've felt in ages. I'm definitely seeing changes. They're subtle, but there.

Yay!

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on September 15, 2025, 07:38:13 AMGetting 'in touch' with your emotions after decades of repressing them is quite a roller coaster. They will calm down eventually. I've found that if I'm telling someone an emotional story, closing my eyes helps me control my emotions.

Be prepared for sudden, unexpected rounds of euphoria. The first time I experienced one, it was a bit frightening.

I loved wearing bras initially. They are so affirming! After a few years, I realized how hot they were in the summer. I've stopped wearing them now, except for special occasions.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I experienced a moment of euphoria like that a few weeks ago. It felt like I was drunk. It was an interesting experience. I've just tried to enjoy and appreciate the moments of euphoria, or little moments of femininity when they come.

I've been feeling a bit conflicted the last few days. I'm definitely seeing my body shape change. My shape is becoming more feminine. I'm ecstatic that it's happening, but at the same time, I feel weird that it's happening. I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 17, 2025, 08:51:02 PMI've been feeling a bit conflicted the last few days. I'm definitely seeing my body shape change. My shape is becoming more feminine. I'm ecstatic that it's happening, but at the same time, I feel weird that it's happening. I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way.

Change is hard. 

It means that you have gone through a door and closed it.  It won't open ever again.

Marion

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 17, 2025, 08:51:02 PMI'm ecstatic that it's happening, but at the same time, I feel weird that it's happening.

QuoteI'm not sure why I'm feeling this way.

Hey, I remember feeling the exact same way when changes started showing, so excited but also kinda like, whoa, is this real!

It felt like I was in a bit of shock.

What helped me was talking it through with my doctor and therapist.

They reminded me that sometimes our minds just need a little more time to process what's happening in our bodies. Once I understood that, it became so much easier to celebrate the good stuff.

You're doing great, Alana, and I think it's worth mentioning to your team so you can fully enjoy this ride 💕


~ Lilis 🌷

I figured I try posting something different today...

I'm at work waiting to for the clock to hit 11p so I can go home and start my weekend. I'm running a 5k tomorrow morning. My last one was a few weeks ago. I'm hoping to run it in 32 minutes.  I'm planning on getting the grill going when I get home, and watch college football.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 19, 2025, 09:22:45 PMI figured I try posting something different today...

I'm at work waiting to for the clock to hit 11p so I can go home and start my weekend. I'm running a 5k tomorrow morning. My last one was a few weeks ago. I'm hoping to run it in 32 minutes.  I'm planning on getting the grill going when I get home, and watch college football.

Have a good time.

Chrissy

5K in 32 minutes. You go, girl! We will be cheering you on. Go, Alana, go!

Let us know how you did.

@Lori Dee, I completed it in a hair under 36 minutes

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 20, 2025, 11:23:22 AM@Lori Dee, I completed it in a hair under 36 minutes

Good job! Thanks for the update. 😀

Earlier this year I wore a shirt at a fitness walking/jogging event and on the back, it says:


.Over 40

.Slow

.Ahead of You



I received numerous thumbs up and positive comments about that shirt.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 19, 2025, 09:22:45 PMI figured I try posting something different today...

I'm at work waiting to for the clock to hit 11p so I can go home and start my weekend. I'm running a 5k tomorrow morning. My last one was a few weeks ago. I'm hoping to run it in 32 minutes.  I'm planning on getting the grill going when I get home, and watch college football.

Wow, you must have legs like a supermodel.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 20, 2025, 04:04:55 PMEarlier this year I wore a shirt at a fitness walking/jogging event and on the back, it says:


.Over 40

.Slow

.Ahead of You

As long as you cross the finish line, that's all that matters.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 20, 2025, 07:54:04 PMAs long as you cross the finish line, that's all that matters.

As long as you cross the finish line in under 40 minutes, that's all that matters.

Just kidding. 😁

Quote from: Sephirah on September 20, 2025, 07:08:43 PMWow, you must have legs like a supermodel.

I'm pretty tall, and have long legs. I had a helluva time doing the sit and reach in high school. I spend a ton of time working out my legs, hiking, and biking, too.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 20, 2025, 07:56:32 PMI'm pretty tall, and have long legs. I had a helluva time doing the sit and reach in high school. I spend a ton of time working out my legs, hiking, and biking, too.

A lot of girls would be very envious of you. 😉

I went to the doctor this morning and had my levels checked. I haven't had them checked since I started hrt. I hopefully will have the results later today.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 23, 2025, 12:36:53 PMI went to the doctor this morning and had my levels checked. I haven't had them checked since I started hrt. I hopefully will have the results later today.

Hey Alana, did you level up?


~ Lilis 🌷

I hope your levels are working out for you.

Chrissy

Quote from: Lilis on September 27, 2025, 07:44:21 PMHey Alana, did you level up?


~ Lilis 🌷

My estradiol level was at 45, and my kidney function was normal. That's all I got back.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 28, 2025, 02:59:01 PMMy estradiol level was at 45, and my kidney function was normal. That's all I got back.

Hopefully, your doctor will review your results with you. Glad the kidney function is normal. I had a brief scare once, but it was resolved quickly.

For HRT, my estradiol was at 45 after my first 30 days on the pills. They may want to repeat the labs in another 30 days to see if your levels are changing. If not changing, they may want to increase your dosage to get your levels up into the target range.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. We appreciate the updates!

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 28, 2025, 02:59:01 PMMy estradiol level was at 45, and my kidney function was normal. That's all I got back.

Hey,

Lori covered most of it.

I'd just add that it's worth asking for the full report, and also which company is running the labs.

Most lab companies have a patient portal where you can check all your results directly.


~ Lilis 🌷

Quote from: Lilis on September 28, 2025, 07:02:32 PMHey,

Lori covered most of it.

I'd just add that it's worth asking for the full report, and also which company is running the labs.

Most lab companies have a patient portal where you can check all your results directly.


~ Lilis 🌷

I'm going to message my doctor tomorrow when I get up.

Today started out good. I went and got my eyebrows done. I went to a friends house afterwards. I got emotional for no apparent reason. It was very rough. I felt so overwhelmed, and weighed down. It's frustrating since it didn't have a trigger.

@Alana Ashleigh

Dear Alana:

For several years earlier in my HRT ...  my emotions were all over the place.
  They finally settled down but I still end up crying for seemingly little reasons.

        Your eyebrows.... do you like how they turned out ? ???

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on September 28, 2025, 09:09:56 PMToday started out good. I went and got my eyebrows done. I went to a friends house afterwards. I got emotional for no apparent reason. It was very rough. I felt so overwhelmed, and weighed down. It's frustrating since it didn't have a trigger.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on September 28, 2025, 09:37:07 PM@Alana Ashleigh

Dear Alana:

For several years earlier in my HRT ...  my emotions were all over the place.
  They finally settled down but I still end up crying for seemingly little reasons.

        Your eyebrows.... do you like how they turned out ? ???

HUGS, Danielle

Danielle, I can't seem to cry when I need to. It's been one of the more disappointing parts of hrt. I don't know if it's just the way I'm wired.

I love the way my eyebrows came out. 🤩

The eyes have it!  It is important how your eyes look to you, and that includes the brows and lashes. 

I got my testosterone test back this morning. My level was 423.

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
IMPORTANT:  Please follow up with your doctor as  @Lori Dee suggested.

Please continue to keep us all updated... we are all rooting for your success !!!!
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 28, 2025, 03:33:09 PMHopefully, your doctor will review your results with you. Glad the kidney function is normal. I had a brief scare once, but it was resolved quickly.

For HRT, my estradiol was at 45 after my first 30 days on the pills. They may want to repeat the labs in another 30 days to see if your levels are changing. If not changing, they may want to increase your dosage to get your levels up into the target range.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. We appreciate the updates!

I stopped wearing a bra at the end of the summer, as I didn't feel it was as necessary as I thought... in the last few days, my boobs seem to have gotten the signal to start doing their thing, as they have been very sore, tender, and heavy. I don't see much growth in the mirror, but, I have enough discomfort that I need a bra now. I never thought I'd get to this milestone. 🤩🥳

@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
Yes indeed, you arrived at a milestone that you will always fondly remember. 
Hang on tight, this is just one of many milestones that will be coming your
way as you continue your HRT and other feminine attributes that you
will be achieving.

I am very happy for your success and I will be eagerly looking for your
updates as you continue on.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 01, 2025, 05:22:18 PMI stopped wearing a bra at the end of the summer, as I didn't feel it was as necessary as I thought... in the last few days, my boobs seem to have gotten the signal to start doing their thing, as they have been very sore, tender, and heavy. I don't see much growth in the mirror, but, I have enough discomfort that I need a bra now. I never thought I'd get to this milestone. 🤩🥳

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on October 01, 2025, 06:40:15 PM@Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
Yes indeed, you arrived at a milestone that you will always fondly remember. 
Hang on tight, this is just one of many milestones that will be coming your
way as you continue your HRT and other feminine attributes that you
will be achieving.

I am very happy for your success and I will be eagerly looking for your
updates as you continue on.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

It's been a very validating experience. I've had a few of them this week. 😀

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 01, 2025, 05:22:18 PMI stopped wearing a bra at the end of the summer, as I didn't feel it was as necessary as I thought... in the last few days, my boobs seem to have gotten the signal to start doing their thing, as they have been very sore, tender, and heavy. I don't see much growth in the mirror, but, I have enough discomfort that I need a bra now. I never thought I'd get to this milestone. 🤩🥳

Congratulations!

Chrissy

Dysphoria has been hitting me hard today. I've been feeling pretty happy and confident lately. My emotions are running really high today, too.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 04, 2025, 04:46:29 PMDysphoria has been hitting me hard today. I've been feeling pretty happy and confident lately. My emotions are running really high today, too.

It is only temporary, dear. Things will smooth out.

Until then, I am sending you a giant

CYBERHUG!

Alana.



This too shall pass!


Chrissy

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 04, 2025, 04:46:29 PMDysphoria has been hitting me hard today. I've been feeling pretty happy and confident lately. My emotions are running really high today, too.

Hey Alana,

I feel you when you say dysphoria's been hitting hard today.

I've had those waves sneak up on me too even after feeling grounded and confident and it's a tough crash to ride through.

If you feel up to sharing a little more about what's been hardest, whether it's something physical, emotional, or social, I'd love to hear it.

My therapist always says that sometimes naming which part of dysphoria is flaring can help untangle it a bit and open the door to more meaningful support.

Either way, please remember that these dips don't erase your progress.

They're just reminders that you're human and healing. 🩷


~ Lilis 🌷

Quote from: Lilis on October 05, 2025, 01:20:59 AMHey Alana,

I feel you when you say dysphoria's been hitting hard today.

I've had those waves sneak up on me too even after feeling grounded and confident and it's a tough crash to ride through.

If you feel up to sharing a little more about what's been hardest, whether it's something physical, emotional, or social, I'd love to hear it.

My therapist always says that sometimes naming which part of dysphoria is flaring can help untangle it a bit and open the door to more meaningful support.

Either way, please remember that these dips don't erase your progress.

They're just reminders that you're human and healing. 🩷


~ Lilis 🌷

Lilis,

The thing the seems to trigger my dysphoria the most is very attractive, and shapely women.

I think that being able to look as nice as many CIS women do is something that is a common desire.  When we see an attractive woman it can heighten this desire, as compared to what our current body image is, we may not be a close match.  It can make us at times quite dysphoric.

I think it is body dysmorphia that leads to dissatisfaction.  Will we ever arrive at the desired level of attractiveness, shape, etc.?

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 05, 2025, 01:22:37 PMI think it is body dysmorphia that leads to dissatisfaction.  Will we ever arrive at the desired level of attractiveness, shape, etc.?

This is where it is important to have realistic goals. At 68, I doubt I will ever have a supermodel figure or looks. I am happy to just look like a regular old lady.

For decades, there have been complaints about how the media pushes upon young women how they should look. The cosmetics industry is making a fortune on our discomfort. Don't buy into the hype.

Take a break now and then and do some people-watching at the mall or grocery store. You will see that most women are not shapely (except round) or glamorous. As you become comfortable with yourself, you will begin to see that you are already more attractive than most of them. Just do what you have been doing, and you will be fine.

If someone wants to comment about their looks, ignore them. If they are showing off their body or looks, good for them. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

You have your own style. So do what works for you. Never judge your progress by what someone else is doing. Focus on your own successes, and keep making those little steps forward. Ignore the finish line, your race is just starting. Focus on what is right in front of you.

I think that wanting to look like an attractive woman is certainly reasonable but we if MTFs should be sure that we are not simply enamored at that attractive appearance.  We can be women because of an overwhelming force that simply makes us realize that we are women but in the wrong bodies.  Wanting to look attractive is fine of course.  But most woman are not that gorgeous.

It is hard to say it in words other than that.

Maybe another way to say it is that many a crossdresser enjoys looking like a woman but they have no interest in being a woman.  Us MTF transsexuals are women.  Sure we enjoy women's fashions and appearing as a woman, but we have the gender of a woman.

So a crossdresser may wish he looked like an attractive woman.  A MTF transsexual wants to have the body she always should have had, and seeing an attractive woman can bring on gender dysphoria.

Eventually some of us MTFs realize that we may not ever look that super attractive.  We still may get some envy or dysphoria, but we enjoy living as a woman to whatever extent we can regardless.  Beauty is not everything as the saying goes.

I do not know how to say to convey this any differently that makes sense.

I already have deep difficulty dealing with someone who makes a statement that "you cannot be a woman just because you think you are.  Your bones, DNA, etc, clearly identify you as a man forever, not matter what you think."  How do you reply to that?  Any suggestions?

My feelings get hurt when I hear this as I cannot logically dispute that male at birth confirmation but can say that I truly believe that I am a woman.  No, it is not a mental defect.

Be strong.  Always strive for clarity of your gender thoughts.  Behave sensibly to not give anyone any valid reason to not like us.  The overwhelming majority of us are very good people, not weirdos that have become an unfortunate stereotype of many.

P.S. The trans spectrum is wide.  If some wish to be a crossdresser and never are MTFs, well, that is okay for them.  There are no levels or superiority of trans categories here!  We are each our own. 


Hugs,


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 05, 2025, 01:54:51 PMI already have deep difficulty dealing with someone who makes a statement that "you cannot be a woman just because you think you are.  Your bones, DNA, etc, clearly identify you as a man forever, not matter what you think."  How do you reply to that?  Any suggestions?

My reply: I am not a woman "just because I think I am". I think I am a woman because I was born that way. You cannot know anything about my medical history. When did you look at my DNA? I don't live my life to suit your concept of what a woman should look like. Maybe do some reading and learn about various genetic mutations, endocrine disorders, and what the difference is between sex and gender.

The people who make these types of comments are largely "uneducated" about the topic they are trying to discuss. You know more than they do. If they are interested in learning, they will ask polite questions. If they are just making comments, ignore them. Or tell them to zip up because their intelligence is showing. No, don't do that. Stay safe and don't provoke them.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 05, 2025, 01:54:02 PMFor decades, there have been complaints about how the media pushes upon young women how they should look. The cosmetics industry is making a fortune on our discomfort. Don't buy into the hype.

This is something I've mentioned to my therapist. I never paid attention to stuff like this before I started transitioning.

That is because in "male mode," it was irrelevant. Now, we pay attention to how women look, and we feel we should look the best possible. That is perfectly normal. But again, don't focus on where you want to be. Look at how far you have come.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 05, 2025, 02:15:26 PMThat is because in "male mode," it was irrelevant. Now, we pay attention to how women look, and we feel we should look the best possible. That is perfectly normal. But again, don't focus on where you want to be. Look at how far you have come.

I feel better after reading this. I sometimes I have a hard time understanding why I'm feeling a certain way. This explains it perfectly.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 05, 2025, 12:54:43 PMLilis,

The thing the seems to trigger my dysphoria the most is very attractive, and shapely women.

Hey Alana,

Thanks for opening up, sometimes just saying it out loud gets it out of your system, and that's a little victory in itself! 😊

Lori and Chrissy cover so much that's awesome, and I just wanted to share a concept my therapist introduced to me.

It really helped me at the time, and I hope it might be useful for you too.

It sounds like your heart is recognizing a reflection of who you already are. I know that might not make sense right now it didn't for me either at first.

Here's a gentler breakdown:

Recognition means that what you see in another woman is real, and it stirs something true inside you, like a mirror of your own identity or desire.

So when a woman's beauty or presence makes your dysphoria flare, it's not that you want to be her exactly...

...it's that she's expressing something within you that you're still in the process of embodying.

That feeling of pain or longing is often just your own femininity calling out, saying, "I'm here too. I'm real."

Smile 😊, I hope this helps and makes sense.


~ Lilis 🌷🦇

Quote from: Lilis on October 05, 2025, 04:43:17 PMHey Alana,

Thanks for opening up, sometimes just saying it out loud gets it out of your system, and that's a little victory in itself! 😊


It sounds like your heart is recognizing a reflection of who you already are. I know that might not make sense right now it didn't for me either at first.

Here's a gentler breakdown:

Recognition means that what you see in another woman is real, and it stirs something true inside you, like a mirror of your own identity or desire.

So when a woman's beauty or presence makes your dysphoria flare, it's not that you want to be her exactly...

...it's that she's expressing something within you that you're still in the process of embodying.

That feeling of pain or longing is often just your own femininity calling out, saying, "I'm here too. I'm real."

Smile 😊, I hope this helps and makes sense.


~ Lilis 🌷🦇

That makes a ton of sense. I've never thought about if that way.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 05, 2025, 02:05:46 PMMy reply: I am not a woman "just because I think I am". I think I am a woman because I was born that way. You cannot know anything about my medical history. When did you look at my DNA? I don't live my life to suit your concept of what a woman should look like. Maybe do some reading and learn about various genetic mutations, endocrine disorders, and what the difference is between sex and gender.

The people who make these types of comments are largely "uneducated" about the topic they are trying to discuss. You know more than they do. If they are interested in learning, they will ask polite questions. If they are just making comments, ignore them. Or tell them to zip up because their intelligence is showing. No, don't do that. Stay safe and don't provoke them.

Lori,

Okay. That makes some sense and could be useful.  I hear the male/female characteristics at birth comments more on media than I do from people making statements or questions but I have been subjected to such statements and questions personally.

But is it not generally true that woman and men at birth have different chromosome patterns?  They do not go away over time.  There are some exceptions and mutations. 

But for sure people do not know what mine are when such a statement is made.  I do not even know what mine are for sure.

I try to answer the best I can if they are not rude. 

Thanks for suppling a potentially useful reply, it has merits.

Chrissy

Dysphoria is such a weird thing. It gets trigger randomly, and goes away as randomly as it came. As I had posted a few days ago I was feeling dysphoric, and I'm back to normal... I did have a bit of euphoria today. My hair is getting long, and I tried to pull it back into a ponytail, but couldn't get the hair tie to stay tight. I think is still a bit to short.

I do not do too well with ponytails, but have put them in a long hair wig.
I can have a couple of meager short pigtails, not the kind that go below the shoulders, but they can make for a fun look.


Chrissy

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly euphoric. I woke up this morning with boobs. When I went to bed last night, I didn't have boobs. I'm bouncing up and down on the inside. 😄

And the outside!!!!

I wore a different body spray than I normally wear today. I normally wear a body spray from bath and body works. It's always been my signature. I wore a body spray from Victoria secret today... I'm amazed at how different I feel wearing this scent. I feel like I'm a goddess. I'm amazed at how powerful scents are at projecting femininity, and how they impact my state of mind.

Many of us remember Mary Ann and Ginger on Gilligan's Island.  Two very different women who are extremely attractive in their own way. 

It may help to study fashion.  Not the current trends but to discover ways to look good with what you have.  For instance, most of us look better wearing a light colored pleated skirt versus a black pencil skirt. 

Knowing you have an inverted triangle body time may help you find helpful fashion advice, which is what most of us have.

Knowing your skin tone and undertone will help to choose the most pleasing colors.

Marion

Today has been a great day so far. I went mountain biking with a few people I ride with, and it was perfect early fall day to be out mountain biking. I'm going out to do some shopping soon. I bought a new bra, and a new candle at bath and body. I'm going to get more riding in tomorrow since I'm off for Columbus Day. It's been a great weekend, save for my boobs being sore.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 05, 2025, 01:54:51 PMI already have deep difficulty dealing with someone who makes a statement that "you cannot be a woman just because you think you are.  Your bones, DNA, etc, clearly identify you as a man forever, not matter what you think."  How do you reply to that?  Any suggestions?

"I think therefore I am" - René Descartes

Criticism says more about the person telling you this than it tells you about you, Chrissy. It shows you the stuff they're dealing with, not the stuff you're dealing with. Who is someone else to say who you can or cannot be? Other than someone who puts all their belief in bones, or DNA to explain who they are... often because they have no other answer themselves. And rely on this as a safety cushion.

Your reply should always be a smile and then "If that's what you think, okay."

In a wider point... beauty is not something anyone can claim for themselves. Externally, anyway. No matter what you do. This idea of "shapely" is to try and appeal to a certain group of people who find that attractive. Standards of this have, and do change over the years. What people consider a standard of beauty now, likely won't be the same in a few years.

Everyone is a shape. And there will always be someone or many someones who find that shape attractive, and beautiful. Just be you, love being you... that is the most beautiful you can be.

I had an interesting experience at the gym this afternoon. My lower body felt bigger, fuller, and more rounded. I feel it in my hips the most.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 13, 2025, 08:24:42 PMI had an interesting experience at the gym this afternoon. My lower body felt bigger, fuller, and more rounded. I feel it in my hips the most.

That sounds nice Alana.

Chrissy

I was really having a great today, until
I just noticed my belly button piercing fell out. It must've came unscrewed when I was doing ab exercises this morning at the gym. I tried to put an another piece of jewelry in, but the hole is closed. I'm totally bummed. 💔

I noticed this week that some of my clothes aren't fitting correctly. I can still wear them, but they aren't fitting well in the hip and thigh area. I don't see any difference when I look in the mirror... I didn't realize that Monday was my fifth month on hrt. I can't believe how fast five months has gone.

Alana Ashleigh
Dear Alana:
Even though it is inconvenient regarding the fit of your clothing...  that is good news
about how your HRT is working on your body. 

You will have fun finding and purchasing new clothing in new and different sizes...
....enjoy this moment.

Thank your for sharing your update... I will be eagerly looking for more updates as you
feel comfortable sharing with me and the rest of your avid readers and followers.

Many HUGS,  ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 16, 2025, 09:47:27 PMI noticed this week that some of my clothes aren't fitting correctly. I can still wear them, but they aren't fitting well in the hip and thigh area. I don't see any difference when I look in the mirror... I didn't realize that Monday was my fifth month on hrt. I can't believe how fast five months has gone.

Buying new clothes is a consideration for not starting HRT.  I have a lot of nice feminine clothes that fit really well.  I just got another pair of pink pants size 2P from Eddie Bauer.  This one is a light pastel pink.    I had a lavender pants that got ripped below the knee so I cut it down into shorts.  I'm undecided on whether to hem it.

Marion

Quote from: Maid Marion on October 17, 2025, 06:25:33 AMBuying new clothes is a consideration for not starting HRT.

I would never refuse medical treatment just to avoid buying new clothes. The effects of HRT are more than just physical changes. Those changes affect my mental health as well. I can do all of that while wearing sackcloth. Wearing nice clothes that fit well is affirming, but proper medical care is the priority.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 17, 2025, 09:29:18 AMThe effects of HRT are more than just physical changes. Those changes affect my mental health as well.

The mental benefits of HRT have been far bigger for me than the physical effects of it. I was hurting so badly before I started hrt. I couldn't put one foot in front of the other. Being on hrt eliminated that in a few days. I was on vacation a few weeks before I started hormones. I couldn't enjoy my trip because of how bad I was hurting.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm going for a long overdue pedicure. I haven't had one in a while, and my feet have taken a beating. I'm going to go with a red nail polish. I've never tried red nail polish with my pedicure. I just do the same boring color every time.

I had my pedicure today. It felt so nice to sip on Starbucks while getting my pedi done and enjoy my small moment of femininity. I went with a bright, bold red nail polish.. Seeing that bold red nail polish woke something up in me. I've felt so incredibly feminine since I left my appointment. 🤩

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 18, 2025, 07:26:30 PMI had my pedicure today. It felt so nice to sip on Starbucks while getting my pedi done and enjoy my small moment of femininity. I went with a bright, bold red nail polish.. Seeing that bold red nail polish woke something up in me. I've felt so incredibly feminine since I left my appointment. 🤩

That sounds nice Alana!


Chrissy

I went back to wearing makeup this week. Nothing fancy, just a few swipes of my favorite mascara, a swipe of clear eyebrow gel on my brows, and a nude lip balm. I've been blown away at how much better I feel just wearing a small amount of makeup. A bit of makeup, a few sprays of body spray can completely change how I feel about myself. 

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on October 21, 2025, 09:14:13 PMI went back to wearing makeup this week. Nothing fancy, just a few swipes of my favorite mascara, a swipe of clear eyebrow gel on my brows, and a nude lip balm. I've been blown away at how much better I feel just wearing a small amount of makeup. A bit of makeup, a few sprays of body spray can completely change how I feel about myself.

Good for you! Less is more.

For many people, the hard lesson to learn is how much is too much. The purpose of makeup is not to look like a clown, but to emphasize your best assets and diminish the flaws. I try to go light with foundation, so that some flaws show through. That makes the skin look natural, because normal skin has flaws.

Soon you will be in the habit of throwing on your face, a quick spritz of pray and you are on your way.
😀

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 21, 2025, 11:02:31 PMGood for you! Less is more.

For many people, the hard lesson to learn is how much is too much. The purpose of makeup is not to look like a clown, but to emphasize your best assets and diminish the flaws. I try to go light with foundation, so that some flaws show through. That makes the skin look natural, because normal skin has flaws.

Soon you will be in the habit of throwing on your face, a quick spritz of pray and you are on your way.
😀

It took so much time and money to find makeup, and a routine that worked for me, felt right, and made me feel good. Finding my signature scent took just as much effort.

This week has been a great week so far. I'm noticing more changes from the hormones. My face seems to have become a bit softer, and more feminine. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror yesterday, and was pleasantly surprised when I noticed my face changing. How I feel on the inside is starting to show up on the outside. It feels like nirvana.

I'm feeling pretty down today. I'm not sure why. Everything has been going well for me the last few weeks. 🙁

I'm sorry, Alana. Hang in there. You know it will turn around soon.