Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all. Guess I'll try to introduce myself. I'm Cynthia or just Cindy, and I'm 50. Guess I've always known I was, ahem, "different". Some of my early memories are wanting to paint my nails or do up my hair. As soon as I was aware that my parents were suspicious, I buried myself inside and hid behind the mask. I've spent over 40 years introverted, ashamed of who I am, and scared to death that I'd slip up and be found out. I am so tired of hiding and pretending. A couple of weeks ago, I finally plucked up enough courage to contact a local clinic that provides gender affirming care and made an appointment for a consultation. This is the first that I've ever revealed who I am. I can't even begin to put my feelings into words and my hands are just shaking. I have a wife and two kids. I can only imagine how they're going to react when I finally find the courage to come out to those I care about. It honestly feels selfish of me to even consider it. I sincerely pray that I am making the right choice. If there's anyone that has advice to offer, or that can point me in the direction of local resources, I'm in western NY. Thank you all for allowing me to kinda ramble on and get this off my chest. Guess it's not much of an introduction, but it's unscripted and fired off from the hip, lol.

Hi Cindy,

Welcome!

Western NY is out my comfortable driving distance by quite a ways--about double the time/distance of my long trips to Provincetown.

Marion

@CynthiaR
Dear Cynthia:
Hello and WELCOME to Susan's Place and the Forum. 
I am so very glad that you found us and made the decision to register as a member here.

You definitely came to the right place to share with our like-minded members regarding your transition journey.

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                              cc: @Lori Dee  @Sarah B  @Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah

@Maid Marion Can't say I'd ever expect someone to consider coming to meet me. Appreciate the support. Thank you. @Northern Star Girl Yes, the forum format is new to me and will take me a bit to learn to use effectvely. Please bear with me as I bumble along.

Hi Cindy,

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Relax. You are among friends here. The anxiety you are experiencing is very common for those who are just beginning to figure out who they are inside.

If you read some of our members' stories, I think you will see just how much we all have in common. You will also find that many of our members were/are married with children, and how they navigated that part of their journey.

It will not be easy. There will be good times and bad. But you are not alone in this. Read that again. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS. We are here to offer advice, lend an ear when you need to vent, a shoulder when you need support, and we will cheer you on as you advance along your journey.

I am happy that you found a clinic and have a consultation. That is a very important first step. Will that include a therapist? If not, seek one out who has experience with gender identities. They can help answer questions you may have, even help you explain things to your spouse and children. If you get comfortable, it doesn't hurt to invite your spouse to a therapy session. That allows them to get answers to their questions. It provides you a chance to hear what her questions are, and she can hear what questions you have, and you both hear the answers from someone who knows what is going on.

When to talk to her about this is up to you. You must be comfortable doing so to make it go a little easier. How you tell her is also up to you. The important part is trust and honesty. You will be trusting her with something very personal, so it is important to be honest about it, lest you be accused of hiding something. This is all new for you, so it will be new for her too. I am hopeful that she will be willing to stand by you and walk this journey with you together.

If you want to check out some of the member stories here, you can find them in the Member Blogs (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,326.0.html) section.

We also have a section specifically set aside for Significant Others (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,26.0.html) and for resources, check out our Support Groups (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,14.0.html) forum.

I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

Welcome Aboard Cindy!

Kudos on finding the courage to make your consult appointment!... I think there is a tipping point many of us reach when our worst fears about showing others the part of ourself we have always hidden are no longer as bad as the thought of hiding any longer!

There are, of course unknowns ahead but, move into this process with an open heart, anxious about the discoveries to be made because amazing things await you!... all challenges can be navigated and a life that serves the needs of the soul within you far better can be built... Your answers are out there and will be worth all your good efforts to seek out!

May your journey be blessed!

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

@Lori Dee Thank you for your kind words and gentle way of reminding me to get a grip. I'm uncertain as to the extent of the services the clinic offers. They are affiliated with a teaching hospital and a local university. If they don't have therapists on staff, I feel fairly confident that they could point me in the right direction. I do feel that I need to be working with a therapist. I would like to have a diagnosis kinda as proof that what I've been experiencing is real and valid. Kinda my rock to stand on as I allow those around me to get to know the real me. I greatly appreciate the links to areas of interest. The forum is deep and vast. Without a knowledgeable guide to point the way, it's easy to overlook a helpful thread.
@tgirlamg Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Yes, I certainly felt as though I'd reached a tipping point. I was so sick of lying to myself and just hating myself. It seemed the only thing I was feeling was anger over the frustration I was experiencing. Finding a community, acceptance, and finally allowing the real me to find her voice, is allowing me to breathe easier. I know this is not going to be a leisurely stroll along the primrose path. But I'm nothing if not stubborn. Once I set my mind to something, I'm rarely deterred.

Quote from: CynthiaR on September 08, 2025, 11:01:13 PMI would like to have a diagnosis kinda as proof that what I've been experiencing is real and valid.

Yes, and it opens doors as well. Typically, a healthcare provider will not treat an undiagnosed condition. They don't just hand out medicine the way some politicians believe. By having the diagnosis, you then have a condition that requires medically necessary treatment. Those are key words. Many insurance companies will not cover treatments that are "cosmetic" or not medically necessary.

For example, hair removal for facial hair is a "cosmetic" procedure. With a diagnosis of gender dysphoria, it becomes "medically necessary" to treat dysphoria. Under Trump 2.0, much of that has gone out the window, and everything is denied because... reasons.

All is not lost because there are ways around the BS. A friend of mine owned an accounting business and was teaching me how to do tax returns. He said:
"It is not what you say, but how you say it."

Hair removal for gender affirming care was removed by the Veterans Administration. But I started transitioning five years ago, so my medical records show me as female. I then received a diagnosis of "hirsuitism," which is excessive facial hair in women, and hair removal then became "medically necessary".

Early in my transition, my hormones were labeled For Gender Transition. My Endocrinologist wrote a letter stating that I had completed the clinical requirements for transition to female. That letter allowed me to change gender markers on my IDs. Then my hormones are now labeled for Hormone Replacement, which is medically necessary for women my age (68).

So it is important to have an accepting and supportive healthcare team. That is a therapist, Primary Care, Endocrinology, or Gynecology. It is nice to be accepted, but even better to have their support. Because they can "say it" so that it qualifies as medically necessary.

Keep us updated on how things are going for you and let us know if you need help.

Cindy!

I hear in your words the determination that will carry you forward to wherever you wish to go with all of this!... Let the anger of the past drop away and be replaced with hope for there is much to be hopeful about. The building of a life that finally serves us is a glorious and liberating process... At the beginning there are so many unknowns, and therefore fears, but as you put one foot in front of the other you will find your way past them. 🌻

The path to the things you seek is best walked with friends at your side and you are amongst friends here girl!!! 🌻

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Hi Cindy

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.

What you shared took real courage.  Shaking hands and a racing mind are completely normal at this stage.  You are among friends here.

Your consult is a big first step.  Since the clinic is tied to a teaching hospital or university they can usually link you with a therapist who understand what you are going through.  A formal diagnosis can validate what you are feeling and it often helps with practical things like insurance.

Marion is right that distance makes person meetups tricky yet the support is real.  Danielle and the moderator team can help if the forum layout trips you up.  Lori is right that you are not alone.  Ashley is right that hope belongs in this process.

Member Blogs and the Support Groups sections are great places to read stories and meet people who have walked a similar path.

You belong here Cindy.  When you are ready, let us know how the consult goes.  We are with you.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.  Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@CynthiaR

@Lori Dee
@tgirlamg
@Sarah B
I'm unable to put into words my gratitude for your kind words of support and your willingness to provide guidance. I'm still working on opening up about myself. I spent years being bullied in school during my youth. As a result, I have a hard time letting my defenses down. I look forward to engaging with more of the community here, and I hope my story and journey can be an inspiration to others struggling to find their true selves. On that note, as well as for anyone that might like to look into my provider, I'm working with Trillium Health in Rochester, NY. They're associated with the University of Rochester, and UR Medicine. When I was looking into them, Trillium claimed to not just be "all inclusive", but to actually have transgender providers on staff. Kinda figured I'd be in good hands. As I'm able to spend more time exploring posts here, I'll gain inspiration and will flesh out my bio. I'm still surprised that anyone really wants to get to know me. Again, thank you to everyone.

Welcome Cynthia!

Chrissy

Cynthia,

You may wish to try: 


http://spectrumwny.org/

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 09, 2025, 05:04:28 PMCynthia,

You may wish to try: 


http://spectrumwny.org/

Awesome. Thank you so much. I will check it out when I'm finally done working for today. Nothing quite like holding down 2 jobs, lol.

You may also wish to try:


https://www.pridecenterwny.org/

Welcome, Cynthia

Alana

Welcome Cynthia. I hope you find what you are looking for here.

Hi Cindy! Welcome, I am so glad you are here!! You have found a safe place to open up and I encourage you to!

So, just a quick update. I've been working with a therapist and she has confirmed my gender dysphoria. We'll begin looking at my options to move forward next week. Feels so good to have some kind of closure after so many years of questioning.

Quote from: CynthiaR on September 23, 2025, 02:18:28 PMSo, just a quick update. I've been working with a therapist and she has confirmed my gender dysphoria. We'll begin looking at my options to move forward next week. Feels so good to have some kind of closure after so many years of questioning.

Cindy!

Validating, Liberating and A Gateway to the connections in life that have been patiently awaiting you for a lifetime!... 🌻

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on September 23, 2025, 02:28:56 PMCindy!

Validating, Liberating and A Gateway to the connections in life that have been patiently awaiting you for a lifetime!... 🌻

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Oh my God, you would not believe the weight it has taken off of my shoulders. Almost feels as though I've finally been given permission to be who I really am.

Quote from: CynthiaR on September 24, 2025, 01:47:07 PMOh my God, you would not believe the weight it has taken off of my shoulders. Almost feels as though I've finally been given permission to be who I really am.

Yes!

We can only give ourselves permission because our experience comes from deep within ourselves. Sometimes, we forget that we have that power, and then someone says something that unlocks our knowledge of that power.

As my psychologist told me, "It should never be difficult to just be ourselves."

Go and be YOU, in whatever way that means. 😀

Quote from: CynthiaR on September 24, 2025, 01:47:07 PMOh my God, you would not believe the weight it has taken off of my shoulders. Almost feels as though I've finally been given permission to be who I really am.

The World Is Yours Sister!

Enjoy!

A 💕

Well, I finally did it. I came out to my wife. It was a rough couple of days. But, after giving her time to do her own research and answering every question I could, she's accepted who I am, and is being supportive. I cannot express in words what an absolute angel that woman is. I can only hope that her support continues as she begins to see the woman revealed.

That is a HUGE first step. Congrats!

As you have imagined, that could have gone any number of directions. The fact that she accepts you as you says so much about her love for you. That is a good sign that she will walk this path with you. Make sure she knows how much you appreciate that.

Have you found a therapist? If not, that may be the next step. It will be a big help to have a third party to help both of you as you navigate obstacles. It shows her that you are serious about this and are seeking answers from a professional. Maybe after a couple of sessions, you can invite your wife to the sessions for the same reason.

Thanks for the update!

Quote from: CynthiaR on September 29, 2025, 06:38:24 AMWell, I finally did it. I came out to my wife. It was a rough couple of days. But, after giving her time to do her own research and answering every question I could, she's accepted who I am, and is being supportive. I cannot express in words what an absolute angel that woman is. I can only hope that her support continues as she begins to see the woman revealed.

Cindy!

Congrats on the good outcome sister and kudos on the courage you mustered to seek out what you needed! That same courage will serve you well in this new chapter of your life! Continue to Love and Appreciate your wife and the gift she has given you... The gift of the opportunity to find your long hidden self... Enjoy the ride... Amazing things await! 🌻

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Welcome!  Nice to see you on here!

@Lori Dee Yes, I have found a therapist. I've been working with her the past few weeks and will continue to work with her. Honestly, it was her just confirming that what I was experiencing was gender dysphoria, that gave me the courage to finally admit who I am, to the most important person in my life, my wife. I must admit, after some of our recent conversations, I've never felt closer to her. I certainly do want her involved and my intention is to have her attend upcoming sessions as my therapist and her see to be beneficial.

Cynthia, this is wonderful news. Congratulations!

Quote from: CynthiaR on September 29, 2025, 02:32:31 PM@Lori Dee Yes, I have found a therapist. I've been working with her the past few weeks and will continue to work with her. Honestly, it was her just confirming that what I was experiencing was gender dysphoria, that gave me the courage to finally admit who I am, to the most important person in my life, my wife. I must admit, after some of our recent conversations, I've never felt closer to her. I certainly do want her involved and my intention is to have her attend upcoming sessions as my therapist and her see to be beneficial.

That is so AWESOME!

Quote from: CynthiaR on September 29, 2025, 06:38:24 AMWell, I finally did it. I came out to my wife. It was a rough couple of days. But, after giving her time to do her own research and answering every question I could, she's accepted who I am, and is being supportive. I cannot express in words what an absolute angel that woman is. I can only hope that her support continues as she begins to see the woman revealed.

Congratulations. I'm happy that it went well for you.

Hi Cindy,
It's lovely to meet you ❤️.

Ciara.

Well, it's been a minute since I've posted anything here, but thought I'd add a quick update. Yesterday, I was approved to start on blockers and HRT. It feels like it's literally been a lifetime of waiting for it to happen (gee, I wonder why, lol). It was a very bittersweet moment though as I could see how stressed Amy was at the realization that things were actually starting to move forward. Well, coffee break is about over, time to get back to work. 

Quote from: CynthiaR on November 18, 2025, 07:11:09 AMIt was a very bittersweet moment though as I could see how stressed Amy was at the realization that things were actually starting to move forward.

That is perfectly understandable. Her biggest fear is the fear of the unknown. She is aware that change is underfoot, and she is uncomfortable with change. One of the biggest things that you can do for her is to be yourself and continue to show her that you are still you. As long as you keep showing her this, she will come to realize that the wild changes she envisioned were not nearly as drastic as she worried about.

This was crucial when I was dealing with my parents. I explained to them that I am the same person, but now they know intimate details about me that I never shared with anyone before. I became open and honest with them. I continued to show them that I have the same interests, talk about the same things, and do things in the same way. I still have fond memories, remember important events, and have love and respect for them. My mom saw this right away and accepted me for who I am.

Welcome to Susan's. Coming to this group and sharing plus scheduling a consultation. Huge first steps. Congratulations. I remember well those early days, heart pounding and nervous just to start my Susan's registration. It does get easier. Will there be tough times, yes. But it does get better. We are here for you. I was from western NJ but have since moved to WV. Feel free to check out my blog and message me if you want. Hugs, Gina.

Congratulations again, Cindy. Did you actually get prescriptions, or was this just an OK to move ahead and get one? Either way, it's a big step, and that big step brings emotions for you and your loved ones. It will all settle out in time.

Please keep us posted on how things go.

Cynthia,

This is such wonderful news. Getting approved for blockers and HRT after all those years of hiding and holding everything in is huge. You've walked a long, hard road to get here, and you deserve to feel every bit of the relief and joy that comes with this step.

I also hear the bittersweet part very clearly. It makes complete sense that your heart would be in two places at once: finally moving forward in a way you have needed for decades, and seeing the stress on Amy's face as it all becomes real for her, too. That isn't you doing anything wrong — it's your nervous system and hers both trying to adjust to the same change from different sides of the experience.

You may already be doing this, but if not, I *really* encourage you to read Amy's thread in the Significant Others section when you feel ready. Her last post is full of tenderness, honesty, and real emotional work. It's very clear how deeply she loves you, and how much effort she is putting into meeting this with courage. If reading her posts feels at all uncomfortable without saying something first, you can always check in with her gently and ask if she's comfortable with you following along. Most of the time, partners feel relieved knowing the other wants to understand them better.

And if you both feel okay about it, it can actually be good for both of you if you read along and occasionally respond in a supportive way — nothing heavy, nothing corrective, just little moments of love and encouragement. Those small, kind touches across threads can help the two of you feel like you're walking this together rather than in parallel.

From where I sit, you are both doing incredibly hard work with so much care. You're stepping forward into the life you've needed for so long, and Amy is actively working through fear, trauma, and uncertainty so she can stay present with you. That combination — your honesty and her willingness to face the hard stuff — is what gives a marriage the strongest footing through a transition like this.

I'm proud of you, Cynthia. Let yourself celebrate this step. Let yourself feel the joy of finally being allowed to move. And keep being gentle with Amy's fear without shrinking yourself down. The fact that you're holding both your joy and her emotions with such tenderness says everything about the kind of woman you are.

We are walking beside both of you in this.
— Susan 💜

@Cynthia @Pugs4life

Hi Cynthia,

Good for you for making a decision that is making you happy!!!

Unless you can love yourself, how you gonna love somebody else? (Didn't Ru Paul say that?🤔)

There is nothing worse than going through life with regrets, what if's and uncertainties.

Even though there may be a weight lifting from your shoulders discovering the real you, the challenge you will face is having the inner strength and courage to deal with reactions and comments positive and negative, when you finally open up to those closest to you.

I wish I could say that it will be easy but, the harsh reality is that not everyone will have the care, compassion and support for your ultimate decision. You are the one that has to live with the good and the bad. This is a fact of life my friend you cannot avoid.

I've been there and I've experienced it.

However, you have connected with a group of amazing people here that may have had similar experiences and are willing to support your through your new journey.

have you mapped out any sort of plans for the future?

Would love to know more and see how you are getting along.

The very best of luck to you and your new journey. 🙏

    Hello All. My apologies for taking so long to reply to your responses. Keeping up with life and work keeps me pretty busy.

@Lori Dee

    Yes, In the years I have known Amy, I have learned how difficult change is for her. She craves stability, and the security of knowing what tomorrow is bringing. It does leave me feeling a rather generous helping of guilt for causing her so much anxiety. Unfortunately, it's not something I could keep hiding. Right now, she's so unsure of everything. It's going to be a bit of a process but, eventually she'll be able to see that I'm the same person no matter what shape I take. I know a lot of her anxiety comes from what she is "expecting to see" as far as physical changes and how fast she is expecting them to occur. She's working through the "different equals danger" and trying to recognize that different is just different, not a threat. I also think it's hard for someone that hasn't experienced the dysphoria, to really comprehend that the person that they know, the personality, the mannerisms, the inappropriate jokes, likes, dislikes, that person exists within the physical body, but isn't defined by the body.

@Gina P

    Thank you for the warm welcome. I was hesitant to register here and open up about myself. So many false starts and being too scared to even admit out loud, let alone put it in writing for the world to read, who I truly am. I've made good progress, but I can see there is a long journey ahead of me. I look forward to catching up reading through your blog and the other members that have all been truly supportive and welcoming to someone that has felt like an outcast most of her life. I do look forward to interacting with you in the future. Gotta say, I've traveled through West Virginia, It's a beautiful state.

@Pema

    It was the actual prescription I was given. They had to run it through my insurance for prior approval. That slowed it down a day or two. But, they had it in the mail Thursday, and I had it in my hands on Friday. I took my first dose of Spiro and injected the first dose of Estrogen on Saturday.

@Susan

    It was a moment I'm not likely to soon forget. Feeling such a sense of relief that I could finally start moving toward aligning myself physically to who I am, while at the same time, trying to hide any joy and feeling guilt over seeing the tears welling up in Amy's eyes. I'll admit that I've been checking in on Amy's thread. I wanted to be sure I was doing everything I needed to do to be able to support her in any way she was needing. I've also learned a lot myself from the conversations. She's also had me go in and print off several posts so she would have a copy she could pull out and read for reference. I've encouraged her to read through my postings as it may give her a deeper understanding and answer questions she may have. I know she's had quite a traumatic past and this is not at all easy for her to navigate. I continue to be absolutely amazed at her depth of compassion and the courage she shows to keep showing up. It would be so much easier for her to just turn and walk away, even if it was only to save herself from such heartache. She is truly a gift from above and this would be so much harder without her by my side. I'm truly humbled that she's so willing to stick with me through this.

@VictoriasSecret

    Yeah, you do need to be able to love yourself. I think that's what ultimately led me to finally do something. I do have regrets that I waited so long. All those years wasted, spent on being someone that I was hiding behind. Well, what's done is done, as they say. I'm certainly expecting that this isn't going to be a walk in the park. With each step I do take, my courage to take the next step grows. I must echo your sentiments that this truly is an amazing group of people who give an incredible amount of support. I wish I could say that I had plans mapped out. I'm honestly still kind of in disbelief that I've made it this far. I don't really know what the next step is yet. I will definitely keep posting updates to my story. 

    My deepest thanks to all of you for your kind words of support and advice.

Something that you and Amy need to realize: the human body does not change quickly, ever.

When you see something every day, you are not likely to notice small changes. The first gray hairs, the first tiny wrinkle. It took a long time for them to show up, then suddenly you notice. How long had you been looking at them and didn't see them?

I think it is very likely that others will notice the physical changes before Amy does. She is expecting a drastic and sudden change, and that will not happen. If it does, something is wrong!

I won't get into a long story, but my second wife was quite ill and I didn't notice anything until some friends asked me if she was ok. They said she didn't look well, and then I noticed it. Because I saw her every day, the subtle changes did not register. Our friends who only saw her every few weeks noticed right away.

When we witness very slow, subtle changes, our mind just sees it as normal. Even with our own transition, we don't see the changes in our faces. But when you see before and after photos, the difference is quite real.

Add to that the fact that changes due to hormones may not even start to do anything for six months once you are at the correct serum levels. It takes time for the levels to build up in your system. If the levels are too low, your body will ignore them and just eliminate them as waste. But because everyone has a different sensitivity to them, it is best to start slow. In medicine, there is a term called the Minimum Effective Dose. The best practice is to take as little as possible to achieve the goal. Taking too much risks side effects. So they start slow, see how you react, then slowly increase the dose.

I spent four years trying to get to the correct dose due to my metabolism. So let Amy know that she can relax. She doesn't want to be on edge, dreading something that may not even become visible until next year sometime. And even then, she may not notice because she sees you every day. And when she does notice something, it will not be awful.

@Lori Dee Yes, this is exactly what I've been reminding her of. She sees the transition timeline photos and all that registers immediately is the difference between the two ends. It doesn't register that it's a slow metamorphosis between them. It's like growing old. It takes years to happen, and either you just happen to notice one day, or "that friend"(LOL) happens to point it out. I've read in several places that I need to take photos at regular intervals. It's the only way I'll see any changes, in case I'm getting frustrated. I think her reading your post will help reassure her that it won't be a shocking change, but a slow, gentle shift. Thank you.

Cynthia,
   I was not sure if you have sought out any trans groups in your area. These can be a great help meeting in person or virtual. I have, or was a member of Renaissance, in Bethlehem/ Allentown pa area. I made so many great friends there and such a welcoming group of people. I'm not sure if there are any in your area but I'm sure you could message renaissance to help you find one.
  I look forward to following your progress. Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.
      Hugs Gina

@Gina P

Hi Gina, I've hit the internet search engines looking for local groups. So far, I haven't found any locally that are active. It seems as though the Covid scare killed them off. Greatly appreciate the tip to look into Renaissance. I'll be doing just that while I'm waiting for a bird to cook. Wishing you and everyone else a Happy Thanksgiving!