Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I find myself struggling with the question of transitioning and passing. Is it worth transitioning if I'm never able to pass? What would be the point if I can't pass? Could it make my dysphoria feel even worse should I fail? What do I do to manage the pain if I don't transition?

Now, for a little personal info. I'm currently 50, married, and recently disclosed my transgender status to my wife (Pugs4life). I've spent almost my entire life trying to deny what I really knew to be true, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I have a therapist I've been working with that's allowed me to understand that I am trans. Unfortunately, I can't put the genie back in the bottle.

Here's the hard part, I'm what you might call an industrial sized individual. I'm 6'2", around 250lbs and carry it well. I've set a goal to get my weight down to near 160, and that's going to take some time to do. Meanwhile, I have a follow-up appointment, in about 2 weeks, to hopefully start MTF HRT. I've spent the day, today, questioning if I can pull this off. Just thinking about not transitioning, I can feel the darkness of depression trying to close in.

Any advice or just sharing your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a bit taller than you. I'm 6'4, 205 pounds. I was in a bad place when I finally got on hormones. Fortunately, within a few days, my mental health improved significantly. I've had very laissez faire approach to my transition. Just getting on hormones may help you with some of the feelings you're dealing with.

Quote from: CynthiaR on November 08, 2025, 10:17:07 PMSo, I find myself struggling with the question of transitioning and passing. Is it worth transitioning if I'm never able to pass? What would be the point if I can't pass? Could it make my dysphoria feel even worse should I fail? What do I do to manage the pain if I don't transition?

Now, for a little personal info. I'm currently 50, married, and recently disclosed my transgender status to my wife (Pugs4life). I've spent almost my entire life trying to deny what I really knew to be true, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I have a therapist I've been working with that's allowed me to understand that I am trans. Unfortunately, I can't put the genie back in the bottle.

Here's the hard part, I'm what you might call an industrial sized individual. I'm 6'2", around 250lbs and carry it well. I've set a goal to get my weight down to near 160, and that's going to take some time to do. Meanwhile, I have a follow-up appointment, in about 2 weeks, to hopefully start MTF HRT. I've spent the day, today, questioning if I can pull this off. Just thinking about not transitioning, I can feel the darkness of depression trying to close in.

Any advice or just sharing your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

This is a topic that comes up fairly often here on the forums. And it is usually people who are in the early stages of transitioning.

You have an image in your head of what a woman should look like, and you are thinking, "I'll never pass". That is false thinking. What it represents is that you are trying to be a woman, that woman, the image you have in your head, instead of being yourself. For years, if not decades, you have struggled in "male mode" and were miserable because you were not being yourself. Stop trying to be something you are not, and just be you.

When you start just being yourself and accepting yourself, you will find that others will accept you too. It isn't about looks! Feminine traits include walking, talking, hair, clothing, jewelry, fashion, and style. I cringe when I see a transwoman overdo it. It isn't necessary.

All women worry about their appearance. They all want to lose weight, have bigger boobs, change their hair color/style, and try something new. You are no different. But your goals must be realistic. At 6'2", do you really need to be 160 lbs? I'm 5'11" and 200. My sister-in-law was 6'1" and 235, and she looked great because she knew how to dress accordingly.

The purpose of HRT is twofold. First, it affects you mentally. It is very subtle at first, but eventually you will notice that you are more emotional and you do things slightly differently. The other purpose is the physical changes that we want. These take time, so you must be patient and trust the process. Estrogen redistributes body fat, so muscles become less defined, facial features soften, hips may widen a bit, and breast growth occurs.

All of these things affect your appearance. Should you give up before you have even started? The changes will surprise you. My brother used to tell me I looked like Grandpa. My cousin now tells me I look more like my mother than my father. The changes happened. They just took time.

While you are waiting for all of that to happen, start working on the things you can do now. Sign up for voice lessons, make-up tutorials, or just go to a busy shopping mall and people-watch. Look at the women. Look at their height, weight, and how they dress. Look at their make-up, hair, and clothing. Your goal should not be to look like a supermodel. The goal is to blend in so that you look just like any other woman out shopping. Do a Google search of celebrities over 6' tall. You will be surprised.

I am 68 years old. I don't want to look like a 25-year-old. I am content with looking like a nice old lady. I get misgendered on the phone a lot, but rarely in person anymore. I don't wear a lot of makeup or jewelry; I just live my life as me.

If you want to see my transformation, I did a "Progression" photo album to show how my look changed over the years. My profile pic is from 2023.
The Story of Lori Progression Photos (https://imgur.com/a/progression-story-of-lori-photo-journey-AEZXBWe)

Be patient with yourself, and you will be just fine. Trust me.

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 08, 2025, 11:04:27 PMYou have an image in your head of what a woman should look like, and you are thinking, "I'll never pass". That is false thinking. What it represents is that you are trying to be a woman, that woman, the image you have in your head, instead of being yourself. For years, if not decades, you have struggled in "male mode" and were miserable because you were not being yourself. Stop trying to be something you are not, and just be you.

When you start just being yourself and accepting yourself, you will find that others will accept you too. It isn't about looks! Feminine traits include walking, talking, hair, clothing, jewelry, fashion, and style.

This. 100 percent.

This is the reason I put off transitioning until I was 65 years old. I am pragmatic, and I knew I would never be passable as a woman. It wasn't height, but my basic body structure which convinced me I could never pass. I came out to my wife before we married in 2000, and she agreed I could dress as my female self at home, but if anyone ever saw me, she would leave.From my late 50's, my dysphoria increased until it was destroying my health.

My doctors advised me to start HRT, and my wife agreed, saying she would see if she could handle it. Initially , my dysphoria eased somewhat, and, convinced that I could never pass, and I would lose the love of my life, I stopped HRT. I immediately got sick again. I gave in, and transitioned. It wasn't as bad as I feared, as my family and community accepted and supported me, but my wife left.

What I have learned is that it can be dangerous to ignore dysphoria as it can lead to tragic outcomes. I also learned that there is a life to be lived, and even enjoyed as a non passing trans person. The important thing is to identify your dysphoria trigger, and treat it. Mine were genitals and my large upper body. My genital surgery reduced my dysphoria immensely, but HRT did little to reduce my upper body mass. I now believe I didn't need to socially transition to achieve a workable level of dysphoria, but my surgeon required a 1 year real life test before surgery.

I now live alone, I talk to my ex every couple of days and we are best friends. I get on well with my family, and I am socially active and accepted as a trans woman. People ask me if I am happy, and I tell them that I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am basically happy. I learned that you don't have to completely transition and be undetectable as a woman to have a rewarding life. You just need to work on reducing dysphoria, and be yourself with everybody.

Different people have different perceptions, and I have been surprised at their impressions of me. In one week, I had a sales assistant call me 'sir', and a man sincerely asking me for a date, and he was surprised when I told him I was trans. We are very hard on ourselves, so don't try to predict what others might think. They will see someone different than you see, so just be yourself.

Hugs,

Allie

Really nice to see this thread and the various thoughts around passing. From my experience there are two experiences of passing which I'm grappling with myself.

One of those is in my own head where I question my gender and feel like an imposter; I don't sound like, walk like, look like and generally present like I think a woman would/should.

Then there is the external passing where I'm either referred to by various male terms by others or as my preferred gender terms. Am I really seen as female? Even if others acknowledge my gender correctly, are they really thinking 'yeah right..a women..lol'.

I thibk both can be worked on in your own head. I'm slowly feeling more like a woman inside even though the external factors are still work in progress. I try to consciously open up to feeling my senses, feeling my surroundings and looking at myself. Getting my mind into a calm state I process all of these senses by tuning into that female perception and sensitivity which is already part of mine and probably most other trans MTF peoples minds. We are trans probably because our minds think this way!

I guess what I'm saying is if you can allow your feminine mind space, calm and freedom, and then feed senses and images into it without any prior bias, then you can see your true self without prejudice.

I'm not there all the time yet, but learning to control and frame your experiences is such a useful process and connects well with grounding e.g. feeling every sensation of the moment.

I hope this makes sense as I really struggle to convey such an internal abstract thought process.

Charlotte 😻

I know a big girl who moved to Connecticut because she found an employer and community that didn't care whether she passed or not.

Hi, Cynthia.  Nice to meet you!

One question to ask yourself is: who are you transitioning for?  If it is to impress others, then passing would perhaps be a big concern.  But this sentence is telling:

Quote from: CynthiaR on November 08, 2025, 10:17:07 PMJust thinking about not transitioning, I can feel the darkness of depression trying to close in.

That tells me that you need to transition for your own mental health.

I was 62 when I started my transition.  (I am 71 now.)  While I wasn't really depressed, I was feeling stressed about initiating such a big change, and almost talked myself out of it.  What pushed me forward was thinking about how it would be when I was in my 80s.  The thought of going into old age still presenting as a man was just too depressing to contemplate.  That's when I knew I had to do it.

Yes, being tall will attract attention.  It does as a man, and it will do more so as a woman.  So, resolve to be the best, most beautiful tall woman you can be.  I am sure your wife can help you make fashion choices that will enhance your appearance.

I am not sure that your weight goal is realistic.  I am 155 lbs, and I am only 5'8".  I am a healthy weight for my size, although I do carry a little more around my waist than I like.  I would rather have it on my boobs, but c'est la vie.  If you asked a stranger to describe my build, they would be more likely to say "slim" than "heavy".  A tall woman at this weight might look disproportionately thin.

Be sure to discuss your weight goal with medical professionals, to ensure that it is healthy.

Good luck with your HRT!

Quote from: Charlotte_Ringwood on November 09, 2025, 06:08:09 AMAm I really seen as female? Even if others acknowledge my gender correctly, are they really thinking 'yeah right..a women..lol'.

This is really the question we ask ourselves. But my answer is that it doesn't matter.

We spent our lives growing up and playing the roles that society forced upon us, boys do this and girls do that. We knew we didn't fit in, but we did it anyway for whatever reason, and we were miserable enough to want to change our bodies.

Stop living your life for everyone else. It is YOUR life to live as you see fit. No one is going to live it for you, so be happy. Most of the people we worry about, we don't know very well. So why does it matter what they think? The people you pass on the street will be gone in a few seconds, and you may never see them again. So what if they think you don't pass? It is not their decision that matters.

As Allie Jayne pointed out, we are our own worst critics. We know every flaw, but not everyone sees those flaws. Whatever changes you make, be sure they suit you, not the world's perception of you. Trying to live up to everyone's expectations is exhausting and impossible. Be yourself. Let your spirit shine. See the beauty that is within you, and others will see it too.

People don't have to be petite to be a woman. They don't need an hourglass figure or to have 3% body fat. They don't have to have long hair, nice skin, or be beautiful. They don't have to have a sweet voice, sway their hips when they walk, or even wear tight clothing. Look carefully at the women around you. You see them every day, and most of them don't do any of these things, and yet they are no less a woman.

https://youtu.be/K1-_K-0-r2w?si=diXsBGNaMWLLvykf

I remember in my late-teens when I was thinking of coming out then, I made a mixed tape of songs for my mom (an actual mix tape since this was the early-2000's) of some songs to try to get the message across.  "Two Sides" was on that tape back then because even back then I knew that there was a part that I was having to hide, a sister that my mom and family had never met because she was inside me and she and I fought internally, until the last few years where, because of Covid and the mask mandate, I was overloaded and no longer could I hold her in because I was suffering from hiding her, and we both knew that for me to recover she would need to emerge and assert herself as the real NancyDrew and she had to be introduced to my family and now she is being introduced.

Hi Cynthia,

I'm so sorry I didn't see your post sooner — the last few days have been very busy on my end. I didn't want to let it pass without responding, because what you're feeling is something many of us have faced when we were starting out.

The fear of "failing" at passing is one of the most common worries we have, especially early on. We all start with an idea in our heads of what we think a woman is supposed to look like, and then we hold ourselves up against that impossible image. But that fear isn't truth — it's dysphoria talking, not reality.

If someone had told me before my transition that I would ever successfully pass, I would have thought they were lying or making fun of me. Yet after just a few short weeks, I reached a point where I finally felt comfortable in my own skin — and I did begin to pass.

Getting my hair professionally done in a hairstyle typically worn by women, having my eyebrows waxed and properly shaped, and learning to use makeup that highlights my strongest features while softening the others made a huge difference. Little by little, I began to see myself as I truly am. Within a few months, I simply was — not pretending, not trying, just living.

The photo strip below tells that story better than my words ever could. The first image is me pre-transition — my eyes look dead and soulless from years of hiding. The second shows how I looked when I started my public coming out. The third was taken shortly before one of my first major public speaking engagements, and the fourth was taken before having dinner and wine at a local restaurant. There's no surgery between those early pictures and the third and fourth ones — the real difference there is confidence and a growing sense of belonging. The second-to-last photo was taken in Thailand after my surgery there, and the final one was taken shortly after I had recovered from my vocal surgery.


Looking back now, I can see how rough I looked in those early photos, but I still felt amazing. You can see the light starting to show in my eyes, and even with my teeth looking as horrible as they did back then (thanks, Devlyn!), I was breaking into my first real smile as Susan. In each picture after that, as I lost weight, got my hair styled and colored, and kept learning how to present myself, that smile becomes more and more authentic — because I was finally letting my true self be seen.

But even if I had never passed, I still couldn't have gone on living as someone I wasn't — not for comfort, not for acceptance, and not even to make life easier. Pretending was what made life unbearable. Transitioning wasn't about achieving perfection; it was about finally living honestly.

You deserve that same chance to see your true self emerge, in your own time and your own way.
— Susan 💜

I had planned to transition in 1979 a few months after  my 21st birthday. It didn't happen due to my fear of not passing. I was 6'3" and built like a racing snake due to working a heavy  manual job in a factory and being a speed freak. I had zero confidence or self esteem. Back then it was all about  passing. I spent the next 10 years blotting out gender dysphoria with speed coke weed and booze. If I was lucky I might get killed in a fight or car or bike accident.
I had to transition as I could  no longer stand it after 10 years.  Very  few people  said anything  about me or to me. Eventually when the hrt and electrolysis worked and I'd grown my hair out I somehow  blended in.
Now 6'2ish, 260 pounds with long silver  blonde hair at 68. I don't wear makeup as I became allergic to it. Wear flatties for comfort . An older gentleman who gave  me his seat on the  bus described  me as glamorous and elegant.  No he didn't  have a white  stick!

Quote from: big kim on November 10, 2025, 03:44:00 AMNow 6'2ish, 260 pounds with long silver  blonde hair at 68.

I like how you style your hair in a braid. It gives you a sort of Nordic Viking look. I never would have guessed you were that tall. You look great!

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 10, 2025, 09:38:51 AMI like how you style your hair in a braid. It gives you a sort of Nordic Viking look. I never would have guessed you were that tall. You look great!

Thanks Lori. I've actually  had people  ask me if I can speak English! They've thought I was Swedish or Dutch due to my height and hair.
I've also been told to go back to my own country  a few times. Love their faces when I tell them  this is my fing country  I was born here in my Lancashire  accent

Quote from: big kim on November 10, 2025, 10:27:03 AMLove their faces when I tell them  this is my fing country  I was born here in my Lancashire  accent

😆

Reading through the replies since I last posted, I am struck again by the depth of this community — and by how much love and lived experience has been shared here. Lori, Alana, Allie, Charlotte, Marion, Kathy, and Kim have each given a piece of the map from their own journeys, and together they show that there is no single way to "succeed" in transition. There is only your way — the one that leads you toward peace and authenticity.

What stands out in every story is that the fear of not passing is universal, but the power of self-acceptance is transformative. Each of these women, in her own way, stopped measuring herself against an imaginary ideal and started living her truth — and that is when life began to feel real again.

Lori spoke beautifully about how we build impossible images of what we think womanhood should look like, when all that is really needed is to be ourselves. She is right. Passing is not about looking like someone else; it is about finding comfort in your own reflection.

Allie's honesty about waiting, stopping, and starting again is something many of us have lived. Her story shows that dysphoria does not disappear when we hide from it — it grows heavier. When we finally step forward, even imperfectly, the weight starts to lift.

Charlotte reminded us that passing is not only about what others see — it is about what we feel inside. She is learning to quiet her doubts and let her feminine self take up space in her own mind first, and that is a lesson worth remembering.

Marion's brief comment captures something essential too: there are places, and people, who will accept you exactly as you are. Sometimes the key to peace is finding the spaces that do not demand that you prove anything.

Kathy shared the perspective of time and wisdom — how transition can bring joy even when it comes later in life. Her words remind us that age, height, or weight do not set limits on authenticity. The only thing that truly limits us is fear.

And Kim — what a story of strength and survival. She faced decades of hardship, lost time to pain and avoidance, but still found her way back to herself. Now she is living proof that beauty, grace, and even glamour are not about youth or size, but about owning who you are with confidence. Her braid and silver hair tell their own story of victory.

Cynthia, if you take one thing from all of this, let it be that you are not alone. Every woman who has written here once stood where you are — staring into the mirror, wondering the exact same thing — if she could ever be seen, or if she would ever belong. What changed everything was not perfection. It was persistence. It was love. It was courage.

Transition is not a test you can fail. It is a process of becoming more yourself. You will learn, adapt, and grow stronger with each step. You do not have to rush. You do not have to get everything right. You just have to keep going.

As you move forward, remember: Amy is walking this path beside you, and as I told her, all of us here — this incredible circle of women — are standing around you holding up lights. You never have to find the way out of the fog alone.

This is the path forward. When people are critical of you or attack you, pause and ask yourself whether their opinions truly matter to you. Do these people, who likely do not know you personally or understand the miles you have walked, have any real right to judge your life or your decisions? If the answer is no, then you are allowed to let their words go. Ignore them, refuse to carry their judgment as your own. Later, if you need to have a cry to release the hurt, do that — but do not internalize their cruelty or take it to heart. Their opinions are not the truth of who you are.

With love and pride,
— Susan 💜

Cynthia, am 6ft 1in tall. When I began my journey I weighed about 195lbs. I dropped down to 150lbs, and my doctor said I should gain some weight! I try to stay between 165lbs and 170lbs now. I made this post nearly four years ago, and a lot has happened since then, but transitioning was one of the best decisions I ever made.

https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=233104.msg2259616#msg2259616

Love always -- Jessica Rose

So many people have already said so many things here that have caused me to say, "YES!" out loud several times. But I'll add my perspective, which may be somewhat different from others.

I'm 61 years old and small-bodied: 5'6" (167cm), 140lb. (63kg), fit but not bulky. I have a pretty deep voice. I bristle at the thought of feeling like I should want to "pass." I guess it strikes me as being entirely about other people's perceptions of my appearance, and that's not something I've ever cared much about in my life. I don't have it in me to try to care now. I'm transitioning - HRT 2 weeks now, who knows what follows - because I've determined it is what's best for me. Just by acknowledging that I'm transgender and embracing it, I feel like I'm already able to be more fully myself than I ever knew was possible. My entire life is about discovering how to be my most complete, authentic self. Anyone who would measure me against a template ingrained in them by society and determine that I fail isn't someone I need in my life. It really is that simple for me.

But there's more.

I think I've said this elsewhere on this site, but even if I have, I think it's worth repeating here. While breaking the news to my loved ones that I'm transgender, probably to keep the mood light, I've jokingly said, "I'll never be the prettiest woman anyone ever saw, but I'm still a woman." One day I heard myself say that and I realized that it really wasn't very kind to women who anyone ever called unattractive, which is probably most women at some point in their lives. If I'm calling myself unattractive, then I'm potentially calling other women unattractive - and I genuinely don't feel that way. When I see women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and configurations, I see beauty in every one of them. So why should I be any different? Increasingly often these days, I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and see a woman. Sometimes I'll think, "You know, I'm kind of cute."

So what I'm experiencing is a cycle of recognizing ever more deeply that women don't need to conform to societal expectations about how they should look or behave. They are women and they are beautiful in every case. Then I start seeing that in myself. And then I see it even more in other women. And then in myself even more.

This path is ultimately one of unconditional self-love and self-expression. For me, that just doesn't leave room for trying to look or behave the way anyone else expects me to.

Having said all of that, I recognize that I'm something of an anomaly in this regard, and I understand that other people do aspire to fit in in certain ways. My hope for folks who want that is that they will grant themselves - just as they would grant it to others - a lot of room for uniqueness in their conformity. Diversity is what makes us interesting.

Well said, Pema. Thank you.

Quote from: Pema on November 10, 2025, 08:20:16 PMIncreasingly often these days, I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and see a woman. Sometimes I'll think, "You know, I'm kind of cute."

I do this too. Sometimes, I'll say, "Well, hello there!" and smile. Seeing my reflection smile at that makes me smile.

Then I start to wonder if someone spiked my apple juice.

😆

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 10, 2025, 11:03:27 PMThen I start to wonder if someone spiked my apple juice.

I've had similar thoughts.

@Alana Ashleigh @Lori Dee @Allie Jayne @Charlotte_Ringwood @Maid Marion @KathyLauren @NancyDrew1930 @Susan @big kim @Jessica_Rose @Pema

My apologies for how long it's taken me to get back to this thread to make a meaningful reply. I've been reading all of your contributions and have been taking them to heart. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only dimensionally challenged individual here. I think a lot of the doubts I have are fear, and trying to find an excuse to not move forward. I've never done well with taking leaps of faith, and this is a pretty big one. Yeah, I guess I do have an image in my mind of what a woman should look like. I think society in general has an image that they push on all women as the "ideal", and it's also a bit of human nature to want to fit in. You're absolutely right that I'm not undertaking this journey to please others. It's because it's something I need to do. I have spent many years in the dark, questioning, denying, and trying to hide. For the majority of the time, I did not believe I was "trans enough", and everyone had these feelings. I'm so sick of the anger and depression I was feeling. The hating myself and treating myself like I'm disposable. Frankly, I did not care if I lived or died. As it stands right now, I'm seven days away from most likely getting prescribed my HRT. Just thinking of how close I am to starting the journey to finally be "me", the weight of everything I've carried all my life is just falling away. It's not a want anymore, but something I need to do. Yeah, it's not going to be easy. I know there was a question about my goal weight. I googled what a 6'2" woman should weigh. I got back 150-170 lbs, so I shot for the middle. I honestly don't even know if I could get down that far with my build, lol. I guess I'll try to add a couple of songs here that I like to listen to here. They help get me over the bumps.

Hi Cynthia,

I know how nerve-wracking it can be. As a disabled veteran, all of my medical care is through the VA. Once I had my diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria, my psychologist sent me back to my Primary doctor. She then set me up with a TeleHealth video appointment with Endocrinologists in Minneapolis. At that appointment, since I was a new patient to them, they had to ask 75 questions and confirm 17 times that I understand the risks, that I give consent, and that I am ready to proceed. That had to be the longest hour appointment in my life.

Finally, the intern asks me if I have any questions. I said, "Yes, can I have my dang pills now?" Well, they mailed them to me. So, more waiting. It drove me crazy constantly waiting for the next step.

So, like you are now, I was excited and scared and frustrated and impatient. Finally, they arrived, and I took them right away. Nothing happened. I kept taking them each day, and after about three or four days, I realized that I felt happy for no reason. The more I focused on that feeling, the more I noticed it.

At my 30-day follow-up appointment, I knew this was the right path for me. I also learned that my transition relied heavily on other people. Other people had to do their exams, ask their questions, fill out their forms, and mail the medications. And nobody does it nearly as fast as I wanted them to.

Patience will get you through this. Be patient with the other people who are part of your transition. They haven't had as long as you to adjust. Be patient with caregivers and medical providers; they want to help, but it just seems like they are slow. Most importantly, be patient with yourself. It takes time to adjust, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Give yourself time. It will happen before you realize. Small changes at first, then you will notice more and more, and then sort of plateau with slow, steady progress.

You got this, sister. Just be patient.

Lori, Yeah, it certainly is a process to go through. I have been through the initial visit/interview, acknowledged the informed consent information, had bloodwork completed, and they've asked me to name my pharmacy of choice for my pre-appointment check-in. Can't say for certain what is going to happen at this follow-up, but we can guess. I know Amy is very apprehensive of any coming changes. The physical is her most tangible connection to me, as would be expected. She's used to how I look, how I sound, her being able to touch and I feel a certain way. So much of that stands to change as I move forward. I know the changes are slow and gradual. This is one time I'm thankful for that. It will allow time for her to acclimate to the physical changes that come with the territory.

Quote from: CynthiaR on November 11, 2025, 08:36:30 AMI know Amy is very apprehensive of any coming changes. The physical is her most tangible connection to me, as would be expected. She's used to how I look, how I sound, her being able to touch and I feel a certain way. So much of that stands to change as I move forward. I know the changes are slow and gradual. This is one time I'm thankful for that. It will allow time for her to acclimate to the physical changes that come with the territory.

One huge benefit that you have is that Amy is a wonderful and open-minded person. She admits that she doesn't know how she might feel in that department, but is keeping an open mind to it. This is an area where your marital bond will shine. Although I have zero experience in the details of what has worked for other couples, I do know that love and demonstrating love have nothing to do with penetration. As Jessica_Rose said, "There are many ways to be intimate."

This situation will force the two of you to explore this in more detail. Find new ways to do things, and really get to know each other on the deepest levels. A simple touch can sometimes be more powerful than a marathon "grind". Love and intimacy are less about sensation than they are about communication and sending a message. A "well-received message" can be very pleasurable.

There is no reason to wait until the changes start happening. You don't want to be prepared to do something a certain way only to find that you can't anymore. Start exploring now. Try different things to see what you each enjoy, then spend more time exploring those. These will be tools in your toolbox to introduce variety, spontaneity, and adventure. With enough options open that you both enjoy, you may find that the two of you don't miss the old ways because you have found something so much better. You won't know until you try.

I hope this helps. 😉

Quote from: Susan on November 10, 2025, 01:06:17 AMHi Cynthia,

I'm so sorry I didn't see your post sooner — the last few days have been very busy on my end. I didn't want to let it pass without responding, because what you're feeling is something many of us have faced when we were starting out.

The fear of "failing" at passing is one of the most common worries we have, especially early on. We all start with an idea in our heads of what we think a woman is supposed to look like, and then we hold ourselves up against that impossible image. But that fear isn't truth — it's dysphoria talking, not reality.

If someone had told me before my transition that I would ever successfully pass, I would have thought they were lying or making fun of me. Yet after just a few short weeks, I reached a point where I finally felt comfortable in my own skin — and I did begin to pass.

Getting my hair professionally done in a hairstyle typically worn by women, having my eyebrows waxed and properly shaped, and learning to use makeup that highlights my strongest features while softening the others made a huge difference. Little by little, I began to see myself as I truly am. Within a few months, I simply was — not pretending, not trying, just living.

The photo strip below tells that story better than my words ever could. The first image is me pre-transition — my eyes look dead and soulless from years of hiding. The second shows how I looked when I started my public coming out. The third was taken shortly before one of my first major public speaking engagements, and the fourth was taken before having dinner and wine at a local restaurant. There's no surgery between those early pictures and the third and fourth ones — the real difference there is confidence and a growing sense of belonging. The second-to-last photo was taken in Thailand after my surgery there, and the final one was taken shortly after I had recovered from my vocal surgery.

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Looking back now, I can see how rough I looked in those early photos, but I still felt amazing. You can see the light starting to show in my eyes, and even with my teeth looking as horrible as they did back then (thanks, Devlyn!), I was breaking into my first real smile as Susan. In each picture after that, as I lost weight, got my hair styled and colored, and kept learning how to present myself, that smile becomes more and more authentic — because I was finally letting my true self be seen.

But even if I had never passed, I still couldn't have gone on living as someone I wasn't — not for comfort, not for acceptance, and not even to make life easier. Pretending was what made life unbearable. Transitioning wasn't about achieving perfection; it was about finally living honestly.

You deserve that same chance to see your true self emerge, in your own time and your own way.
— Susan 💜

Hi Susan,
Wow,
The pictures you provided of yourself are so powerful.
I've researched, read about trans, cd ect for years, I've not found anything so vivid of the possibilities for all of us.

Thank you,

Kristy

Quote from: Pema on November 10, 2025, 08:20:16 PMIncreasingly often these days, I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and see a woman. Sometimes I'll think, "You know, I'm kind of cute."

I remember the first time that happened to me.  It was a few months after starting HRT, and my face had started to change in subtle ways.  One day, I happened to catch my reflection in a mirror, and thought, "Nice eyes!"

It is important to be open to seeing yourself as cute / pretty / beautiful when those moments happen.  And they will happen.

Hey Cynthia, I totally understand that self-doubt and insecurity that you are going through. I think most of us go through that same nagging feeling that we will never be good enough, that we'll never be pretty enough and that we'll never pass.

All I can say is, HRT really is kinda magical. You gotta be patient with it and let it do it's work.
I do have a thread somewhere here to show my 1 year HRT journey. I have to say I struggled so much trying to pass and I still struggle until this day.

I got called sir up until 4 months ago. At Sephora. By a SENIOR beauty advisor. I got called sir 4 TIMES by her. It hurt me so badly that I went to the mirror in the shopping mall and just wanted to cry. I hated how I looked. My mascara was smudged, my makeup looked bad. And I really just looked like a man dressing up as a woman. 

I sat down to have a meal and got weird stares by everyone. Even a little girl kept staring at me and made me feel uncomfortable. A man looked at me in disgust.

I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I wished so hard I wasn't trans. I went home and cried after that.

I went to  Transtimelines and it just made me feel even worse. Everyone there passes so well. They look so gorgeous. Why can't I be like them???

I have always been on intermittent fasting since late March in order to pass better. But I went ham with it after that day. I fasted for 24 hours. 36 hours even. Determined to get my weight down. I bought serums, sunscreens and moisturisers and took very good care of my skin. I ate clean.

Clear soups. No fried food. No snacks. Grilled chicken, fish and vegetables. I took my HRT without missing any dose.


I lost 15kgs in total since I started fasting in late March even though I had to deal with extreme hunger pangs. I struggle to sleep at 3-4am, clutching my stomach because of how hungry I was, but I was determined to lose weight. I had to go to work the next day without much sleep and without any food. It was really rough. And it didn't get easier. But I had to push through.

Although I think I look better and am more passable, and in fact, sometimes I glance at the mirror and think I'm kinda cute.  But the moment I get clocked, my entire self-esteem and confidence plummets.  It sucks. But I have to remind myself of a few things -

HRT really is magical. We have to be patient and let it do its job.
And the most important thing to remind yourself is - You are good enough. You're more than good enough. And that in your own way, you too are beautiful.

If ever the thought that you aren't good enough or you feel like you don't pass creeps into your mind, know that you're not alone. Many of us are on the same journey, having that same self-doubt. Let's get through this together. You can do this!

Oh and let us know when you're starting your first dose of HRT. We'll all be cheering for you! 🥰🥰🥰
 

Several years ago. I shared a house with one MtF pre operative and one postoperative.

The pre op woman was in early stages of transition and was struggling with finding the right look to enhance femininity.

When she decided to live full time in transition, she seemed pretty level headed and together. I invited her to come and live with me. All good and fine.

She then met the post op woman, who, from what I could gather, was pretty level headed also.

They both decided that they wanted to share a house together and asked me to move in with them which I did.

After the three of us living together for a few months, the pre woman started to develop paranoia about where she could go and what she could and couldn't do to avoid scrutiny from the general public, something that wasn't evident previously.

This then triggered a chain reaction with the post op woman, causing them both to feed off each others paranoia.

One night the 3 of us sat down to discuss what was going on to try and stop the drama that was unfolding.

I asked them both straight out, did they consider the pros and cons of what life would be like when making the decision to transition and how it would affect their quality of life because clearly they were both going backward and becoming reclusive.

I tried to offer positive solutions to which I was met with disdain and negativity.

Needless to say, I made the decision to move out to avoid any further conflict.

So the question being answered, try to gauge what opposition or scrutiny you will face when making the change.

It's easy to say in our own heads this is what we want and it's going to make us a happier, more contented person to live ones true self.

The reality of life is that it's not always that simple. Everyone is going to have an opinion about something.

Being mentally prepared for opinions and criticism is not easy, especially when some of us have to try harder to undo the years of living in the opposing gender.

The bottom line is factoring in your quality of life and that you're living it at optimum level no matter what gender you are or choose to be.

Consider these things:

Am I in a good head space with my decision or the decision I am considering?

Will I have stable employment and supportive co workers?

Will I have secure roof over my head?

Can I go about daily tasks / errands out in public without it being a psychological juggling act?

Do I have the financial resources to sustain my new life?

Will I have a supportive network of family / friends / health care providers?

Can I mentally deal with any rejection and possible family and friends walking out of my life?

Will I be able to wake up and go to sleep every day without dreading what's in store for me for the coming day / week?

Life doesn't come with an instruction manual. We live and learn each day and try our best to live to the fullest.

Blessed Be

Victoria

@VictoriasSecret
Dear Victoria:

Thank you for sharing your story and including your very last statement:

"Life doesn't come with an instruction manual.
We live and learn each day and try our best to live to the fullest."

          The key element in your statement is the "we live and learn each day"
Certainly mistakes and miscalculations happen, but when we fail, we then can
learn more about what we should do and what we should not do.
If we don't learn from our mistakes we are then prone to continue making the
same mistakes and in the process, make new mistakes..

Again Victoria, thank you for sharing your heartfelt story... and your wisdom.
                ❤️ 
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: CynthiaR on November 08, 2025, 10:17:07 PMSo, I find myself struggling with the question of transitioning and passing. Is it worth transitioning if I'm never able to pass? What would be the point if I can't pass? Could it make my dysphoria feel even worse should I fail? What do I do to manage the pain if I don't transition?

Now, for a little personal info. I'm currently 50, married, and recently disclosed my transgender status to my wife (Pugs4life). I've spent almost my entire life trying to deny what I really knew to be true, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I have a therapist I've been working with that's allowed me to understand that I am trans. Unfortunately, I can't put the genie back in the bottle.

Here's the hard part, I'm what you might call an industrial sized individual. I'm 6'2", around 250lbs and carry it well. I've set a goal to get my weight down to near 160, and that's going to take some time to do. Meanwhile, I have a follow-up appointment, in about 2 weeks, to hopefully start MTF HRT. I've spent the day, today, questioning if I can pull this off. Just thinking about not transitioning, I can feel the darkness of depression trying to close in.

Any advice or just sharing your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

As someone who is unable to undergo medical transition, for a whole host of medical reasons too long and boring to go into, I'd like to share my thoughts on what you're talking about, if that's okay. Because I've struggled with probably all of this for most of my adult life, and still do.

I'll deal with each of your questions separately.

"Is it worth transitioning if I'm never able to pass?"

This is a tough one. If you'd asked me this question twenty years ago I would have said no. Probably without hesitation. But back then I thought I'd just end up looking like a supermodel, with very little effort. Everyone in the world would be dumbstruck and I'd have the world at my feet. Pop some pills and instant Pamela Anderson, lol. The naivety of youth and ignorance.

However, after a lot of soul-searching, therapy, and reflection, now my answer would be different. Now I ask myself questions like: "Do I pass scrutiny of the world as they see me now?", "how much do I need the world to see me how I see myself?, "How much does other peoples' acceptance matter?"

These are somewhat linked. Years of being seen as one thing has not made me feel like that thing. So why would being seen as something else make me feel like something else unless that feeling came from somewhere else? Unless it came from inside me? In understanding that important point... that it isn't the world that makes you... you, passing becomes largely irrelevant. At least outside of the ways the world tries to make it difficult for people to express themselves when they don't fit into neat little boxes which makes everyone else happy and comfy and willing to invite you round for inane small talk and very bad instant coffee on a Monday morning.

If it's worth transitioning comes down to if that feeling inside you, that sense of self, is strong enough that you can't ignore it or pretend it isn't there. For me, if it were... I wouldn't be here even posting this, in all likelihood. I am someone who believes that the meaning of life... from the day we're born to the day we die is Temet Nosce. Know Thyself. More than that, Accipe te ipsum. Accept thyself. Whoever that is and whatever that takes.

We spend a lot of our lives hiding from things we don't like about ourselves, running from things we don't want to face, constructing elaborate facades to fit in and pretend. Yet often end up full of regret and bitterness over things not done, time not spent, words not said, dreams not pursued. When we didn't take the chance because of fear, shame, ignorance or self-loathing. All I would say to you, sweetie, is that accepting yourself and not being able to blend into the world in the way you would like can be hard. It can be very hard. But it's nowhere near as hard as not accepting yourself and not being able to blend into the world in the way you would like.

"What would be the point if I can't pass?"

I kind of already covered this, but in my opinion, the point is to accept who you are. To get to a point in your life where you're not lying to yourself. Because when you can approach life from a point of honesty... whatever you do or don't do, it's all you. It's not a distanced version of you. Your mistakes and your accomplishments both. Seeing the world through a frosted window of someone you think you're supposed to be... it numbs you. Makes you feel like nothing you do matters. Like any decision you make is one that's made for you. It makes you feel empty inside. You're watching someone else's life rather than living your own.

I tried that when I first found out I couldn't transition. I tried everything I could think of to be numb and not feel anything. Even tried to take that to the extreme a few times. We aren't designed that way. We're emotional creatures. For good or ill. And no matter what you do, eventually that surfaces and doesn't go away until you deal with it. I have since transitioned in a different way. Mentally rather than physically, and learned how to cope with stuff that, at one point, almost broke me. Was it worth it? To be authentic, I have to say yes. It allows me to look outwards into the world instead of inwards.

"Could it make my dysphoria feel even worse should I fail?"

That entirely depends on what you mean by "fail". If you mean not having people see you how you want them to see you... I don't know. It goes back to my earlier question. Do people see you how you see yourself now? If not then what would be different other than you knowing you are doing everything you can to be true to yourself?

"What do I do to manage the pain if I don't transition?"

This is different for everyone. Medical transition isn't the only way you can be yourself, at least for periods of time. Being you doesn't have to hinge solely on how you look or what bits you have. I mean it kind of doesn't anyway. I'm not really going to... I mean, if I were in your place and had the chance I would take it. In spite of everything I've just said. But maybe that's just because I know I can't.

But what you do is you find ways you can be yourself. However small, however fleeting. For me it's a constant volcano inside and I have to release the pressure when and where I can. I have some very cool people around me at the moment and they accept me for me, even though I think some of the other girls know that suggesting makeup is like trying to put glitter on a bullfrog, lol. But I have found that if you are cool with you, then more people than you think are also cool with you. In spite of what you were born with.

Outside of that... find things that make you feel like you. Doesn't have to be physical things. Coming here for me is one such thing. People treat me like me, accept me for me, and it's just... a lifeline sometimes. You can manage it, if you have to. As someone who has to, though, I would say if you don't have to... don't.

*hugs*

Transitioning has been good for me for the most part.  I have had some bad experiences and ups and downs but overall I am a happy woman. 

I wish you the best.


Chrissy

I would add that what we think people think about us is not always reality. We feel eyes upon us, scrutinizing every detail, when no one is paying any attention. That feeling, that paranoia comes from within us. It is a manifestation of our own insecurity. It isn't wrong; it is perfectly normal.

The way to get past that is to put it in its proper place: in their heads, not yours. When I first started living full-time as a woman, I was scared to death of being outed. That is the real fear right there.

"OMG, they will know!" And the answer is "So What?"

In reality, most people don't care. So what if you got a stare that lasted 15 seconds? In five minutes, no one will remember it. We do because it hurts. But truthfully, no damage was done. If they have a problem with how you look or how you dress, that is THEIR problem, not yours.

There are people whose lives are so boring that they must meddle in the lives of others. That is their problem, not yours. You must reach a point where you are living your life the way you choose, regardless of what others think. Do not let them get into your head.
THEY DO NOT MATTER.

As the saying goes, "Opinions are like buttholes; everyone has one, and they usually stink."

Get comfortable with yourself. Accept yourself and love yourself. Once you can do that, you will see that the opinions of others are secondary, if they matter at all.

Lori,

Words can hurt though, and some of those stares can be uncomfortable to experience.

Sissy and other unkind utterances are not comfortable to hear.

Yes it is their problem and issue.  But. . .  Well, enough said.  You have to brush off any of those few comments you might hear the best one can.


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 14, 2025, 06:32:46 PMLori,

Words can hurt though, and some of those stares can be uncomfortable to experience.

Sissy and other unkind utterances are not comfortable to hear.

Yes it is their problem and issue.  But. . .  Well, enough said.  You have to brush off any of those few comments you might hear the best one can.


Chrissy

You are absolutely correct, Chrissy.

I did not mean that one should become cold as stone. They do hurt our feelings.

But when you have the comfort of self-acceptance, the insecurity fades, and those things don't sting as much.

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 14, 2025, 05:45:50 PMI would add that what we think people think about us is not always reality. We feel eyes upon us, scrutinizing every detail, when no one is paying any attention. That feeling, that paranoia comes from within us. It is a manifestation of our own insecurity. It isn't wrong; it is perfectly normal.

The way to get past that is to put it in its proper place: in their heads, not yours. When I first started living full-time as a woman, I was scared to death of being outed. That is the real fear right there.

"OMG, they will know!" And the answer is "So What?"

In reality, most people don't care. So what if you got a stare that lasted 15 seconds? In five minutes, no one will remember it. We do because it hurts. But truthfully, no damage was done. If they have a problem with how you look or how you dress, that is THEIR problem, not yours.

There are people whose lives are so boring that they must meddle in the lives of others. That is their problem, not yours. You must reach a point where you are living your life the way you choose, regardless of what others think. Do not let them get into your head.
THEY DO NOT MATTER.

This. 100 percent. When I first started exploring my femininity before my egg cracked, I was PETRIFIED people who notice me that I had painted toe nails, or that my legs were shaved, or that I had had the girliest body spray on. I very quickly learned that most people are completely unaware of most things going on around them.

Be very careful with the standards you set for yourself on what passing looks like. Walk around the city and take note of the average woman especially those that are over 30. Most are rather plain and pragmatic looking. No ramp models.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on December 14, 2025, 09:08:35 PMBe very careful with the standards you set for yourself on what passing looks like. Walk around the city and take note of the average woman especially those that are over 30. Most are rather plain and pragmatic looking. No ramp models.

This is too true and personally I find this far more beautiful than polished model type looks. It's nice to see when people look relaxed in their presentation and come across as their true selves. It's great to sit on a bench and watch people pass by. Although most people are quite average and plain so to speak, they often have subtleties that bring out some extra personality. Little accessories that add to the look.

@Lori Dee @KathyLauren @Clarissa Heng @VictoriasSecret @Northern Star Girl @Sephirah @ChrissyRyan @Alana Ashleigh @Jillian-TG @Charlotte_Ringwood

Ladies, Thank you all for your messages of support and thoughtful advice. I'm rather embarrassed at how long it's taken me to get back to this thread. Between working overtime, holidays, therapy...time just really gets away. I guess to provide an update, I was prescribed HRT and blockers, and have been on them for just a touch over three weeks now. I can honestly say I don't ever remember feeling better about myself than I do now. I've figured that I would just follow a "stealth" approach to transitioning, and if I never need to go public with it, I'm ok with that. After all, I'm doing this for my needs, not for acceptance from everyone on the street. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm giving up on actually becoming myself. I'm just going to take my time doing it, lol. I'll make it there, I just have to find my path. Again, I can't thank everyone enough for caring enough to take the time to help me along.

With love and gratitude,
         Cynthia

Quote from: CynthiaR on December 15, 2025, 10:31:05 PMI guess to provide an update, I was prescribed HRT and blockers, and have been on them for just a touch over three weeks now. I can honestly say I don't ever remember feeling better about myself than I do now. I've figured that I would just follow a "stealth" approach to transitioning, and if I never need to go public with it, I'm ok with that. After all, I'm doing this for my needs, not for acceptance from everyone on the street.

This was the approach I took at first, too. My thinking was that it would take months for anything physical to start showing, so there was no hurry. I used that time to begin social transition: coming out to friends, family, neighbors. I began working on my wardrobe. I got rid of all of my male clothing except a few pieces that I need for durability while mining. Women's clothing is more comfortable and nicer looking, but does not hold up well when getting banged against rocks.

Thanks for the update!

Quote from: Lori Dee on December 15, 2025, 10:40:05 PMI began working on my wardrobe. I got rid of all of my male clothing except a few pieces that I need for durability while mining. Women's clothing is more comfortable and nicer looking, but does not hold up well when getting banged against rocks.

Thanks for the update!

Gotta say, guy mode clothes don't last so long either! I've spent the last 20 years as a truck and heavy equipment mechanic. So, yeah, absolutely. Funny story, not long after coming out to Amy, she asked what I was going to do for a job. To paraphrase, you can't be a mechanic if you're a woman. It just made my day!

Quote from: CynthiaR on December 16, 2025, 10:18:30 PMTo paraphrase, you can't be a mechanic if you're a woman. It just made my day!

My ex-wife is a mechanic. She worked for Motorola for many years, then they closed the plant. That qualified her for retraining. So she went to college and got a degree in Automotive Engineering. Before she graduated, she was offered a job at a manufacturing company. They make insulated tanker trucks, like for hauling hot liquids. She makes the tanks. Makes good money at it and loves her work. One of the welders that she works with is a woman. The rest of their crew are guys. They all get along and work well as a team.

Never say never.
😁

I think the other thing you have to remember is that physical changes take years.  There are charts that give outlines for each thing that will change on HRT, however I'm just finding recently that when it comes to things like breasts, while I did have growth in the first 6 months to a year, their growth did seem to stop, however now that I'm at the 3.5 year mark (and I haven't had a BA), they seem to be growing again.  So some changes will take longer than advertised and you are basically going through your adolescence again where you might've had a growth spurt when you were 8 but then nothing really happened until you were 12 when you went through another growth spurt. 

So you will pass.  And we all have insecurities because we are transitioning. 

Quote from: CynthiaR on December 16, 2025, 10:18:30 PMGotta say, guy mode clothes don't last so long either! I've spent the last 20 years as a truck and heavy equipment mechanic. So, yeah, absolutely. Funny story, not long after coming out to Amy, she asked what I was going to do for a job. To paraphrase, you can't be a mechanic if you're a woman. It just made my day!

Oh dear lol! This has made my day. So I assume you became a nurse or midwife then 😆

Well, it's been about 7 weeks since starting HRT. Had myself a first tonight. As I was washing my face before bed, I caught just a glimpse of "her" in the mirror. I've seen her only twice before tonight, and both times took a full face of makeup to bring her out. Once was shortly after coming out to Amy, to see if I could do it, and the second time was for Halloween. It was the first time I ever set foot outside en femme. Heart was in my throat the entire time we were out. But, I survived, even stopping at my folks so our youngest could trick or treat his grandparents. My mom was oddly delighted with my "costume". Mentioned that all she could see was my grandmother in my face, and if I ever needed to hide from the cops, that that was how I should do it. Kinda wonder what they're reaction is going to be when I finally break the news about being transgender and making the transition. Ok, enough rambling on, off topic. Tonight was just me. No makeup, no nothing extra or special to try and bring her out. It's the first I've realized that maybe, just maybe, I can pull this off. I've played around with some AI filters on selfies, and I've gotta say, if they're anywhere close to possible, I'll be very happy with how I'd look. I'll just add that I don't believe that the positive feeling we get being on the HRT is only psychological. I poked a vein last week while injecting. In hindsight,  I think I lost most of the dose to the small scale bleeding that followed. By the end of the week, my mind was getting caught up in the dysphoric "thought swirl" again. Saturday was my next dose, and by Sunday morning, I was back to my new, old self again. I've read comments in other places that "all we need is a good shot of testosterone to make us feel like men". I've been treated for low T about 10 years ago. I can tell you that it made ZERO difference in how I felt, and my bloodwork showed the proof in the levels. Starting on estrogen, has made a world of difference in how I feel. My apologies for rambling on here. Guess since I was getting ready, I should head off to bed. Got about 3 hours before the alarm starts, lol. Just felt the need to share...

Cynthia, your post made me smile. I remember my first time seeing "her." It was only for a second, and she was gone. Hrt is magical.

Alana

Quote from: CynthiaR on January 11, 2026, 11:11:50 PMI poked a vein last week while injecting. In hindsight,  I think I lost most of the dose to the small scale bleeding that followed.

Cynthia,

I have had that happen too. What I do is when pulling the needle out, I put my finger on the injection site and hold it for 90 seconds (I count in my head), then put a bandaid over it. By keeping pressure for a minute or two, it stops the bleeding. Not 100%, but enough that the bandage can take over and you won't lose meds. It could also indicate that your needle is too big.

I use a 21-gauge 1-1/2 inch long needle to draw from the vial, then I switch the needle to a smaller 25-gauge 5/8 inch long needle (made for subcutaneous injections, not intramuscular). When I ran out of the smaller needles, I used the larger gauge needle (OUCH) and just did not push it all the way in. The hole was large enough that when I pulled the needle out, the meds flowed out with it. It was a mess. Later that day, my package of small needles arrived.

Lori, I checked my script before heading off to work this morning. I've got the same 25Gx5/8 for injection, but they give me 18Gx1 1/2 for draw-up. I found if I get the needle all the way in, up to the hub, I don't get any leakage. This was a first for me. Luckily, I'm a pretty quick study when things kinda hurt. If I feel that "burn" again, time for a strategic withdrawl and re-insertion. I can't speak for where you live, but we used to have goats, and I know from giving them vaccinations, I can get needles and syringes from the farm supply store, with no questions asked. Last thing I wanna try is using that 18 gauge for anything other than draw-up.

My daughter is 5'11" and dosen't have the traditional womans figure. She is definitely a woman and no one questions it. I understand she is over 6' but what I'm trying to say women come in all shapes and sizes. No one can say just because of height you're not a woman. I hope this gives you some peace