Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi everyone, I'm Jeri.

I'm in my early 50s and beginning what is, for me, a late-life journey toward embracing my gender identity. I've been in ministry for over 30 years in an ultra-conservative denomination, and I've been wrestling with who I am for more than four decades. I first tried to transition in my early 30s, and since then I've been on and off HRT three different times—always stopping out of fear of losing my marriage, my family, and the calling that has shaped most of my adult life.

Over the past 25 years I've seen five different counselors about my gender identity. All but one diagnosed me with Gender Identity Disorder/gender dysphoria, and three of them wrote letters recommending HRT. Only one ever told me I just needed to "change my thoughts" about being a woman. Sadly, that's similar to what I hear at home. Just last week my wife told me I need to "get over the thought of being a woman," and yesterday when I admired a cute top and said I'd love to wear it, she quickly shut it down with, "You don't wear that kind of stuff."

My wife has known about my gender struggles for over 20 years, but she believes all of this is a deception from Satan. She has asked me to seek counseling to be "cured" and has threatened divorce more than once if I move forward. Our children are grown now, but the emotional complexity is still very real and heavy.

Despite all this, over the past few years I've slowly begun allowing myself more authentic expression. I shave my legs, get professional pedicures regularly, and keep my toenails painted. My ears have been pierced for over 30 years, and I've started wearing earrings again more often(I'm wanting to get doubles or triples done). I now wear women's shorts, jeans, leggings, skirts, and tops when I'm able, along with sandals, boots, and other women's shoes. At home I sleep in nightgowns—some simple, others a bit more feminine—and I wear only women's underwear now. These small steps bring a sense of peace I've long needed but kept buried.

At this stage of my life, hiding is becoming spiritually, emotionally, and mentally exhausting. The moments when I can live even a little more as myself feel life-giving, and I'm trying to find a way forward that honors my identity while navigating the very real challenges of marriage, ministry, and faith.

I joined Susan's Place because I need support, guidance, and community from people who understand this journey—especially those who have faced transition later in life or who have had to balance identity with career, family, and faith. I'm hoping to learn from the experiences here, to find encouragement on the days I feel overwhelmed, and to offer support to others where I can.

Thank you for welcoming me. It means more than you know.

— Jeri

Dear Jeri,

Welcome—and thank you for trusting us with this.

Four out of five counselors diagnosed you. Three wrote letters recommending HRT. You've known who you are for over forty years. This isn't confusion. This isn't deception. This is a woman who has been fighting to survive inside a life that wasn't built to hold her.

The one counselor who told you to "change your thoughts"? That's the same voice your wife is echoing now. And notice—it's the outlier. It's not the consensus. It's not the clinical reality. It's the answer people give when they can't accept the truth in front of them.

You wrote that the moments when you live as yourself feel "life-giving" and bring "a sense of peace." Hold onto that. That peace is not deception. That peace is alignment. That peace is the answer you've been given over and over again—you just weren't allowed to trust it.

You've tried three times and stopped out of fear. That's not failure. That's survival. You were protecting what you could while carrying what you had to. But you're here now, and you're not starting from zero. You're starting from forty years of self-knowledge and four professional confirmations of what you've always known.

The road ahead with your wife will be hard. I won't pretend otherwise. But you are not responsible for her theology. You are responsible for your own wholeness.

Thirty years of ministry doesn't disappear because you finally become yourself. The compassion you've given others, the lives you've touched, the work you've done—that was real. That was you. And the you who did all of that? She's still here.

I responded to your coming out post (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252596.0) as well—there's a lot there about faith, theology, and navigating the spiritual side of this journey. When you're ready, take a look.

We're glad you found us.
— Susan💜

Hi Jeri,

Thank you for the wonderful introduction!

I don't have a lot to add as Susan has covered it well. She is very wise, and her advice and insights are solid.

As she noted, marital relationships, family, and friendships get tested on this journey. There will be those who cannot see past their own indoctrination. That is their cross to bear. There will be many others who see the Spirit within you. Just continue being who you are. No pretenses, just honest expression.

One note on your ministry: Sometimes, some ministers preach and dictate doctrine. Others connect with the Spirit within and guide that soul through troubled times. You have decades of doing this, and I suspect you are the type to connect and guide. That will never go away. That is a divine gift. That is the reason for your calling. Transgender people need that type of minister to show them that we are not evil. We can be ourselves and be good Christians. Our calling is always because certain types of people are needed at specific moments in time. You are here for a reason. You have skills and experience, and your experiences are expanding as you come to understand what being transgender means. It is not something we choose. It is who we are.

Thank you for sharing with us. Feel free to browse the forums and add your comments and experiences too. We all learn from each other.

We look forward to seeing you around.

Hugs!

  @jerielizabeth1973
Dear Jeri:
I am so very happy to see that you have registered as a member of the Susan's Place Forum and have
felt at ease to share  your private and personal story with us here.

As a conservative Christian myself I definitely understand your position as you detailed it in your postings. 
Coming to terms with the Bible, with God, and my Chirstian Faith required a lot of self-introspection,
prayer and seeking church members that have shown acceptance to me.
 
Previous to coming out as a Full-time woman in 2016 I was a successful executive accountant for a
multi-state company, shortly thereafter I then relocated to a small rural town to start my CPA and
Financial Advising small business. 

The road for me was not always without potholes with my relationships with family and previous friends,
but I have found good acceptance in my new town, my business and in my church attendance... and I have
made many new friends and acquaintances.
 
Let me be clear, there are some in family and in my church that do not embrace me and/or my life journey,
but I have made many friends there, and most Sunday's after church, I go out to lunch with 3 or 4 church
gal friends.

The best advice I can offer is to approach your new journey with honesty, truth, and much
prayer. 

In your first posting when you shared your "coming out post (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252596.0)" you had mentioned what I think
are important things that you feel you must do:

    "I'm tired of disappearing parts of myself just to keep other people comfortable.

    I want to live authentically and stop surviving in half-shadow.
    I want to be able to breathe.
    I want to be whole.

    My plan is to begin honest conversations with my immediate family soon, and then gradually
    extend out to others before the new year, as I prepare for a more open life in 2026"

Again Jeri, thank you for your heartfelt postings and sharing some difficult parts of your life journey.
As you read through the many threads and postings here on the Forum you will undoubtedly find some
answers and solace in knowing that there others that are traveling a similar path as your own.
More than likely as you get involved sharing your thoughts and comments with others you will likely
find like-minded members here that may become your friends.

I eagerly look forward to reading your future postings all around the various Forum topics and threads.

Please, if you have any questions about the Forum and how it works, feel free to contact at my
direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Warmest Regards and WELCOME
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  The Forum Administrator

Welcome Jeri!


Chrissy

Hello and Welcome Jeri,

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey to self realisation and happiness.

Don't let the naysayers destroy your chances of letting out your "inner woman".

You have many supporters here.

Warm Regards

Victoria

Hi Jeri,
Glad you're here.

Alana