Susan's Place Transgender Resources

One thing that pushed me over the edge to make an account after lurking for so long was how much it bothers me answering the demographic questions. I thought I'd done a good job shoving this down and living on living the normal life everyone sees from the ouside. But marking "male" over and over again rubbed on me like an emotional blister. I found myself marking "female" on a few, just for the heck of it, as my little act of rebellion.

I know it's dramatic since it's just text on a screen. But after the hundreth application, it starts to feel like the world mocking you with that option on the dropdown menu being so close, yet so far away.

That's dysphoria, and it's very real - even when it's just text on a screen.

How did it feel to mark "female?"

I know this seems silly, but these are important things. It was when I started making a list of these kinds of experiences, and it eventually became 4 pages long that I realized, "Oh, wow. This is incredibly compelling." That list is what convinced the gender therapist to write The Letter.

Quote from: katiebee on November 30, 2025, 04:53:27 PMI know it's dramatic since it's just text on a screen. But after the hundreth application, it starts to feel like the world mocking you with that option on the dropdown menu being so close, yet so far away.

What I find interesting is that they ask at all. Why do they need this information? It is illegal to discriminate on that basis.

I think it would be better if they did not ask that question until after you have the job. Then they need it for reports to various government agencies, but they don't need it until you are an employee.

Quote from: Pema on November 30, 2025, 05:08:11 PMThat's dysphoria, and it's very real - even when it's just text on a screen.

How did it feel to mark "female?"

I know this seems silly, but these are important things. It was when I started making a list of these kinds of experiences, and it eventually became 4 pages long that I realized, "Oh, wow. This is incredibly compelling." That list is what convinced the gender therapist to write The Letter.

It felt nice to see on the screen. You know "the button" meme? It felt like a knockoff dollar store magic button that didn't actually do anything, but felt nice pushing anyway for the dream of it.

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 30, 2025, 05:11:49 PMWhat I find interesting is that they ask at all. Why do they need this information? It is illegal to discriminate on that basis.

I think it would be better if they did not ask that question until after you have the job. Then they need it for reports to various government agencies, but they don't need it until you are an employee.

I've always been suspicious of that. They claim it's confidential, but I know for a fact that info is not confidential because at my company, it was found that a certain employee affinity group had circulated a list of "preferred" candidates that met that group's demographic profile to managers and was a gigantic problem. So who knows? If HR people actually read applications, I'm sure they'd be a bit confused by my answers!

Quote from: katiebee on November 30, 2025, 04:53:27 PMOne thing that pushed me over the edge to make an account after lurking for so long was how much it bothers me answering the demographic questions. I thought I'd done a good job shoving this down and living on living the normal life everyone sees from the ouside. But marking "male" over and over again rubbed on me like an emotional blister. I found myself marking "female" on a few, just for the heck of it, as my little act of rebellion.

I know it's dramatic since it's just text on a screen. But after the hundreth application, it starts to feel like the world mocking you with that option on the dropdown menu being so close, yet so far away.

You sure apply to a lot of jobs!

I've had this same feeling when filling out things. It feels so freeing to mark female. I have to renew my drivers license soon. I'm sooo thinking about changing my gender marker when I renew it. It's absolutely no issue to change the gender marker on my DL where I live.

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on November 30, 2025, 10:21:01 PMI've had this same feeling when filling out things. It feels so freeing to mark female. I have to renew my drivers license soon. I'm sooo thinking about changing my gender marker when I renew it. It's absolutely no issue to change the gender marker on my DL where I live.

It is a great feeling getting an official document in the mail with your correct name and marker. Driver's license, birth certificate, passport. Sometimes I think about framing them so I can enjoy the moment, remembering when I got them. Like a family photo, it captures a specific event in time that I want to remember.

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 30, 2025, 05:11:49 PMWhat I find interesting is that they ask at all. Why do they need this information? It is illegal to discriminate on that basis.

I think it would be better if they did not ask that question until after you have the job. Then they need it for reports to various government agencies, but they don't need it until you are an employee.

Legal or not - I can assure you that when it comes to job applications, many companies will use demographic factors to decide who to interview.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on December 01, 2025, 07:21:06 AMLegal or not - I can assure you that when it comes to job applications, many companies will use demographic factors to decide who to interview.

Well, it isn't all illegal. There is a difference between discrimination and disqualification. For example, they may be looking for someone who lives in a particular region to fill a job in that region. Or maybe not a disqualification, but more as a preference due to company policy, such as nurses in the OB/GYN ward at the hospital. We know it happens; the hard part is proving it was unjustified discrimination and not a disqualification.