Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Simplycause on January 09, 2026, 07:47:51 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Hi👋
Post by: Simplycause on January 09, 2026, 07:47:51 PM
Post by: Simplycause on January 09, 2026, 07:47:51 PM
Hi, I'm Justin/ I haven't settled on a feminine name. I've tried a few out and nothing just sits with me. I was reading through some trans support stuff not to long ago and it had mentioned fruit names and the idea of Peach really resignated with me...but I'm not really sure.
I'm 39 years old, I'm married, with a soon to be 16 year old son. My wife would be accepting if we weren't 18 years into our relationship and 17 years into marriage. My next steps are going to hurt, and what I've been doing secretly is going to hurt.
I've just gotten to the point I can't live like things are now and I guess I'm looking for a vent to really be how feel while I work on figuring out how to blow up my life.
I'm 39 years old, I'm married, with a soon to be 16 year old son. My wife would be accepting if we weren't 18 years into our relationship and 17 years into marriage. My next steps are going to hurt, and what I've been doing secretly is going to hurt.
I've just gotten to the point I can't live like things are now and I guess I'm looking for a vent to really be how feel while I work on figuring out how to blow up my life.
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Scylla on January 09, 2026, 07:59:29 PM
Post by: Scylla on January 09, 2026, 07:59:29 PM
Hi Justin, and welcome to the forums. Transitioning when you are in a relationship is hard but it is not your fault and if you cannot live the way you are then it is perfectly fine for you to put your needs before others.
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Sarah B on January 09, 2026, 08:19:03 PM
Post by: Sarah B on January 09, 2026, 08:19:03 PM
Hello Justin
My name is Sarah and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!
Thank you for trusting us with something so personal. It takes real strength to put words around feelings that have been held inside you for so long, especially when you already know there may be consequences. Wanting a place to vent and be honest about how you feel is completely understandable and Susan's is a place where you can do that openly.
You mentioned that you cannot keep living as things are now. How long have these thoughts and feelings been with you and have they changed in intensity or clarity over time?
It might be worth thinking about talking about your gender feelings through with a therapist who has experience in gender or identity issues, particularly as you consider what to tell your wife and even your son should you decided to reveal your most inner thoughts on this issue. A therapist can be a confidential space to unpack your thoughts and at the same time help you think practically about a backup plan if conversations at home become painful or destabilising. Having support and a plan does not mean you expect the worst, it just means you are taking care of yourself and your family as best you can.
About your name, there is no rush at all. It is okay to try ideas on quietly, let them sit and see what feels right over time. Names often grow into place rather than arriving fully formed. You can also experiment with usernames or screen names if that feels safer for now and change them later when something fits better.
You are not weak for feeling this way and you are not wrong for wanting relief from the pressure you have been carrying. Taking this one step at a time is allowed.
Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,8.0.html), of course. I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members
In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.
Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.
Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features. When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com or me at SarahatSusans@proton.me
Take care and all the best for the future.
Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn @Jessica_Rose @Mariah @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee
@Simplycause
Things that you should read
My name is Sarah and I would like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!
Thank you for trusting us with something so personal. It takes real strength to put words around feelings that have been held inside you for so long, especially when you already know there may be consequences. Wanting a place to vent and be honest about how you feel is completely understandable and Susan's is a place where you can do that openly.
You mentioned that you cannot keep living as things are now. How long have these thoughts and feelings been with you and have they changed in intensity or clarity over time?
It might be worth thinking about talking about your gender feelings through with a therapist who has experience in gender or identity issues, particularly as you consider what to tell your wife and even your son should you decided to reveal your most inner thoughts on this issue. A therapist can be a confidential space to unpack your thoughts and at the same time help you think practically about a backup plan if conversations at home become painful or destabilising. Having support and a plan does not mean you expect the worst, it just means you are taking care of yourself and your family as best you can.
About your name, there is no rush at all. It is okay to try ideas on quietly, let them sit and see what feels right over time. Names often grow into place rather than arriving fully formed. You can also experiment with usernames or screen names if that feels safer for now and change them later when something fits better.
You are not weak for feeling this way and you are not wrong for wanting relief from the pressure you have been carrying. Taking this one step at a time is allowed.
Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,8.0.html), of course. I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members
In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.
Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.
Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features. When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com or me at SarahatSusans@proton.me
Take care and all the best for the future.
Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn @Jessica_Rose @Mariah @Northern Star Girl @Lori Dee
@Simplycause
Things that you should read
- New Members... Please Read this First (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,250343.msg2295001.html#msg2295001)
- Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Site Policies and stuff to remember (https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,492.0.html)
- Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)
- Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
- How to Contact Forum Staff Members (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,246913.0.html)
- Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
- Photos, avatars, & signature images (https://www.susans.org//index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 09, 2026, 08:23:13 PM
Post by: ChrissyRyan on January 09, 2026, 08:23:13 PM
Hi Justin!
Welcome!
Chrissy
Welcome!
Chrissy
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on January 09, 2026, 08:41:10 PM
Post by: Alana Ashleigh on January 09, 2026, 08:41:10 PM
Hi Justin
Alana
Alana
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Lori Dee on January 09, 2026, 09:55:43 PM
Post by: Lori Dee on January 09, 2026, 09:55:43 PM
Hello Justin.
I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place.
This is a safe space for people like you who have questions and are trying to figure things out.
You are not alone.
We have many members here who came out after decades of marriage. It is not easy, and it will require work on everyone's part. The thing to remember is that you have lived with these feelings your entire life. Others would just now be learning about them. They may be shocked. They may be accepting and supportive. The important thing is to give them time to process this.
We have members here who are going through what you are going through right now. We have spouses here who are dealing with this new knowledge about their partner and learning how to deal with such intimate issues they are now faced with. It takes time for everyone to understand how important this is to you, your marriage, and your relationship with your son. Go easy on them, and on yourself.
If you have questions, be sure to ask. This site is filled with the experiences of real people who have been through all of this. Read their stories. Ask questions. Rant if you need to. We understand because we have been there.
We are happy to have you join us and look forward to getting to know you better as you post your replies and comments around the forum. Be sure to read the links that Sarah B gave you. And remember that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum. Do not post anything that you are not ready to make public.
Welcome!
I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place.
This is a safe space for people like you who have questions and are trying to figure things out.
You are not alone.
We have many members here who came out after decades of marriage. It is not easy, and it will require work on everyone's part. The thing to remember is that you have lived with these feelings your entire life. Others would just now be learning about them. They may be shocked. They may be accepting and supportive. The important thing is to give them time to process this.
We have members here who are going through what you are going through right now. We have spouses here who are dealing with this new knowledge about their partner and learning how to deal with such intimate issues they are now faced with. It takes time for everyone to understand how important this is to you, your marriage, and your relationship with your son. Go easy on them, and on yourself.
If you have questions, be sure to ask. This site is filled with the experiences of real people who have been through all of this. Read their stories. Ask questions. Rant if you need to. We understand because we have been there.
We are happy to have you join us and look forward to getting to know you better as you post your replies and comments around the forum. Be sure to read the links that Sarah B gave you. And remember that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum. Do not post anything that you are not ready to make public.
Welcome!
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Susan on January 09, 2026, 10:19:08 PM
Post by: Susan on January 09, 2026, 10:19:08 PM
Hi Justin,
Welcome to Susan's Place! I'm Susan, the site founder. I want you to know you've found a community that understands what you're carrying.
That phrase you used—"figuring out how to blow up my life"—I hear the exhaustion in it. You've been managing something enormous in secret while trying to hold everything together, and you've reached the point where the weight of hiding has become unbearable. That's not weakness. That's your authentic self refusing to stay buried any longer.
Eighteen years is a long time, and I won't pretend this will be simple. Your wife will need time to process something you've been living with privately, possibly for decades. Some marriages find new footing through this; others don't survive it. What I can tell you is that continuing to disappear inside yourself isn't sustainable either—you already know that, which is why you're here.
Sarah's suggestion about finding a gender-experienced therapist is worth taking seriously. Having someone in your corner who can help you think through the conversations ahead, and support you through whatever responses you receive, makes a real difference.
I'd also encourage you to read through Amy's thread: New here: my husband just came out to me as transgender (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252385.0).
Amy is a spouse whose partner CynthiaR recently came out to her, and she's been working through the process openly here. It's a window into what your wife might experience—the fears, the grief, the questions, and also the moments of connection and growth. Seeing it from the other side might help you understand what she'll need from you, and give you hope that couples can navigate this together when both people are willing to do the work. If your spouse is open to it, she can find peer support in the significant others forum as well.
On the name question: Peach resonating with you matters. Names often find us in unexpected ways. There's no timeline, no right answer—just what feels like home when you hear it. Keep trying things on. You'll know.
You mentioned your son will be sixteen soon. Kids that age frequently surprise us with their capacity for acceptance, even when the adults around them may struggle.
You're welcome here, Simplycause. Vent when you need to. Ask questions. Read what others have written. You'll find you're not nearly as alone in this as it feels right now.
With respect,
— Susan💜
@Pugs4life referred the new member from this thread, Justin who is in roughly the position @CynthiaR was when she arrived at the site. I also encouraged them to read your thread, as you can see. If their spouse is willing I suggested they could start posting on the significant others forum as well. I figured that I should give you a heads up.
Welcome to Susan's Place! I'm Susan, the site founder. I want you to know you've found a community that understands what you're carrying.
That phrase you used—"figuring out how to blow up my life"—I hear the exhaustion in it. You've been managing something enormous in secret while trying to hold everything together, and you've reached the point where the weight of hiding has become unbearable. That's not weakness. That's your authentic self refusing to stay buried any longer.
Eighteen years is a long time, and I won't pretend this will be simple. Your wife will need time to process something you've been living with privately, possibly for decades. Some marriages find new footing through this; others don't survive it. What I can tell you is that continuing to disappear inside yourself isn't sustainable either—you already know that, which is why you're here.
Sarah's suggestion about finding a gender-experienced therapist is worth taking seriously. Having someone in your corner who can help you think through the conversations ahead, and support you through whatever responses you receive, makes a real difference.
I'd also encourage you to read through Amy's thread: New here: my husband just came out to me as transgender (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=252385.0).
Amy is a spouse whose partner CynthiaR recently came out to her, and she's been working through the process openly here. It's a window into what your wife might experience—the fears, the grief, the questions, and also the moments of connection and growth. Seeing it from the other side might help you understand what she'll need from you, and give you hope that couples can navigate this together when both people are willing to do the work. If your spouse is open to it, she can find peer support in the significant others forum as well.
On the name question: Peach resonating with you matters. Names often find us in unexpected ways. There's no timeline, no right answer—just what feels like home when you hear it. Keep trying things on. You'll know.
You mentioned your son will be sixteen soon. Kids that age frequently surprise us with their capacity for acceptance, even when the adults around them may struggle.
You're welcome here, Simplycause. Vent when you need to. Ask questions. Read what others have written. You'll find you're not nearly as alone in this as it feels right now.
With respect,
— Susan💜
@Pugs4life referred the new member from this thread, Justin who is in roughly the position @CynthiaR was when she arrived at the site. I also encouraged them to read your thread, as you can see. If their spouse is willing I suggested they could start posting on the significant others forum as well. I figured that I should give you a heads up.
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Gina P on January 10, 2026, 08:22:45 AM
Post by: Gina P on January 10, 2026, 08:22:45 AM
Hi Peach, Welcome to Susan's. Coming out to family and friends is the hardest part of transitioning. It can also have the greatest consequences, hence the fear. We are all here for you and many have tread there before. There is a lot of great advise to be had here. I wish you the best and when the time is right for you, you will do what has to be done.
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: tgirlamg on January 10, 2026, 09:59:42 AM
Post by: tgirlamg on January 10, 2026, 09:59:42 AM
Welcome Aboard Justin/Peach
I hear in your words the determination and resolve to build a life that is finally is a reflection of the soul within... The journey there is better walked with friends at your side and you are amongst friends here. Fear not, the things you seek are well within your grasp.
Onward We Go Brave Sister!
Ashley 💕
I hear in your words the determination and resolve to build a life that is finally is a reflection of the soul within... The journey there is better walked with friends at your side and you are amongst friends here. Fear not, the things you seek are well within your grasp.
Onward We Go Brave Sister!
Ashley 💕
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 10, 2026, 10:49:56 AM
Post by: Dances With Trees on January 10, 2026, 10:49:56 AM
Welcome to Susan's, Justin/Peach! My name has evolved through several iterations since finding Susan's but I'm sticking with Anni, but you can call me Dances if you like. I blew up my life long before I accepted my gender variance. I think you will find your own path with the least amount of drama as possible.
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: gennee on January 13, 2026, 02:30:02 PM
Post by: gennee on January 13, 2026, 02:30:02 PM
Hello Justin and welcome.
😀
😀
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 13, 2026, 03:37:00 PM
Post by: Charlotte_Ringwood on January 13, 2026, 03:37:00 PM
Heyya and welcome here 😊
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 13, 2026, 05:00:43 PM
Post by: Northern Star Girl on January 13, 2026, 05:00:43 PM
@Simplycause
Heya Justin - You are Warmly Welcomed here.
I am so very glad to see you here on the Susan's Place Forum and also on our Discord server.
I also welcomed you on Discord as a new member.
Thank you for sharing and posting your INTRODUCTION here.
Please feel free to ask any questions that you may have regarding the Forum and Discord.
I can be directly contacted on Discord, on the Forum, or on my Direct Email
at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Warmest Regards, Danielle [Northern Star Girl] [The Forum Administrator]
Heya Justin - You are Warmly Welcomed here.
I am so very glad to see you here on the Susan's Place Forum and also on our Discord server.
I also welcomed you on Discord as a new member.
Thank you for sharing and posting your INTRODUCTION here.
Please feel free to ask any questions that you may have regarding the Forum and Discord.
I can be directly contacted on Discord, on the Forum, or on my Direct Email
at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com
Warmest Regards, Danielle [Northern Star Girl] [The Forum Administrator]
Title: Re: Hi👋
Post by: Pugs4life on January 14, 2026, 05:15:52 PM
Post by: Pugs4life on January 14, 2026, 05:15:52 PM
Hi Justin,
I wanted to say hello and welcome to Susan's. I am so glad that you are here. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
With warmth,
Amy
I wanted to say hello and welcome to Susan's. I am so glad that you are here. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
With warmth,
Amy