Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It's official: I have started HRT, as of March 12, 2026!

It's crazy to type it out. It's been twenty years of denial and running from it all. I've finally decided to stop running and face this, and I'm so proud of myself for finally getting the courage. I nearly left the line at the pharmacy, but I just turned up the radio and made myself commit. Unfortunately, they had a mix-up and spiro was not ready yet. But still, I took the first little blue pill today.

For the sake of posterity, the quick summary of my situation is that transitioning will come at a big cost to both myself and the people I love. But my dysphoria has, despite my efforts, never gone away. I look back on my past and realize I've hidden behind bitterness - "I couldn't transition because my parents," "my social circle would've cast me out," "no company would hire me," and on and on. But it's all just excuses and bitterness that I've always been, when it comes to this, a coward. And so, I'm going to face it and take full ownership of my life. If I transition, or if I don't, it is because I actively chose it. I picked the path that, with all the knowledge possible, I felt was best. No more bitterness or misplaced anger.

The plan is to go on HRT for 2-3 months and see how I feel. If it's like the clouds parted as the dysphoria fades away, and I cannot imagine going back to living as I have, then I will continue to transition. I will come out. And, more than likely, will go through the painful disassembly of much of my social and familial life. If I feel anything less than this "cannot live without it" - even if it feels slightly better for me, selfishly - I will stop before any (major) permanent physical changes set in.

I'm making this to help both myself and others with a similar story. I'm going to document my journey over these next months to help me understand at the end of my "trial" just how far (or not so far) I've come.

Typing this, it's been 3 hours since taking my first 2mg estradiol pill. If you're researching transition enough to read this, you know there is nowhere close to any physical things until much later. As someone very sensitive to medicine/illness/changes to my body's general vibe, I always wondered if you could *feel* something different. It's tough to separate the emotional rush/high of finally doing this from anything else. I've also not taken spiro yet, so it's chemically a bit muted to boot.

1 day down, 89 to go!

Katie,


I hope everything works out the way you want it to be.

HRT is a big step, something that should only be started (and continued) after giving its consequences (desired and undesired) much deliberation. 

It certainly has made a big impact on my life. 


Best wishes,


Chrissy

  @katiebee
Dear Katie:
Congratulations on taking  your first BIG step in your transition journey.
Keep us all updated as you feel comfortable sharing.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: katiebee on March 12, 2026, 09:30:53 PMI'm going to face it and take full ownership of my life. If I transition, or if I don't, it is because I actively chose it. I picked the path that, with all the knowledge possible, I felt was best.

Congratulations and welcome to the club!

This is exactly the mindset I had, and it has served me well. I realized that if this is who I am, then so be it. I refuse to live my life at the whims of others. No one gets to live your life for you, so it is only right that you be in charge of it.

Yes, it takes a great deal of bravery not just to "fit in" or "go with the flow". Yes, some people do not understand and choose not to be a part of my life. That is their decision, not mine. But I also found that a few true friends who love me for who I am have accepted me and any changes I decide to make in my life. They don't always understand, but they recognize that I am living for me, not for them.

I am very proud of you for taking that first step and getting the prescription. I hope it brings you everything you hope for. But even if you decide it is not for you, that is still your decision. No one here will judge you for it.

Thanks for keeping us informed and sharing your experience with everyone.
 

Thanks everybody for the congrats and well wishes! It's wild getting to post from this side of the fence after looking longingly at the grass for so long. Time will tell if it's truly greener but so far, I am very proud of myself.

I'm so glad to hear that you have done what feels right for you and taken this step with HRT. Wow you've waited such a long time too, so this must feel very special. I love that you're doing this your way and setting a goal to trial how you feel for a limited period, then ensure you're totally happy with where you're going. However this turns out I hope you find what you're looking for and some clarity within all the feelings. It can be very confusing or very easy depending on you really, buy there is no right or wrong. And if you need more time you can always be in control.

The main thing is I'd love to see you happy and find exactly the person you want and need to be, in whatever of the many variations of gender variations there are. They are all unique to just us, but we also have many similarities.

Charlotte 😻

I'm so happy for you Katie. You're in for an exciting time of changes.

Your excuses really resonate with me as I am battling with those exact ones. I started HRT a number of years ago now and I know I cannot go back, I know it's right for me. I will transition in the future but I'm not ready to loose my parents over it, I love them dearly.

For what it's worth, I have managed, so far, to balance HRT with my male life. People just think I'm chunky and have moobs or if they do realise, they don't care and treat me like normal. I haven't given up much yet and I'm leading a far happier existence. You don't always have to fully transition, there are other ways.

Whilst one pill will have no physical effects on you, particularly without T blockers, it is nonetheless freeing for the mind and it was a profound moment for me when I started too. It will take many months and years for changes to fully appear so settle in and enjoy the ride!

Quote from: Stottie Girl on Yesterday at 02:27:48 AMI'm so happy for you Katie. You're in for an exciting time of changes.

Your excuses really resonate with me as I am battling with those exact ones. I started HRT a number of years ago now and I know I cannot go back, I know it's right for me. I will transition in the future but I'm not ready to loose my parents over it, I love them dearly.

For what it's worth, I have managed, so far, to balance HRT with my male life. People just think I'm chunky and have moobs or if they do realise, they don't care and treat me like normal. I haven't given up much yet and I'm leading a far happier existence. You don't always have to fully transition, there are other ways.

I wonder how possible that would be for me. I am fairly sure my wife would not support it. But...I'll only know until I ask. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, "one step at a time" is my mantra throughout this journey!

Day 1.5 morning update: I did have a very surprising thing to report from last night. While laying face down in bed, I felt a kind of faint, but noticeable, warm "buzz," if that makes sense, in my chest. It felt sort of like someone rubbed Vicks/Bengay/tiger balm on either side of my chest. Very faint, and broad, but noticeable when laying face down (but not on my side or back). Obviously HRT is not magic so I don't suddenly have boobs or anything. Nothing whatsoever has changed physically, not in the slightest. But it was a noticeable tingly/buzzy warmth that I was shocked to get so soon (about 5, 6 hours in?). I know it's just increased blood flow and the like, nothing more at this point, and I'm guessing I could only feel it when laying on my chest because of the pressure making that increase more noticeable? And it makes logical sense that the body just responds to the chemical signals as they come, rather than wait around on a delay for basic stuff like circulation. But it was 100% noticeable. And believe me, I know how it sounds, I've lurked around trans spaces for 15, 20 years - I promise, I'm not trying to say I got growth or anything. I do not, full stop. But, I could feel that my body is doing something differently, which I figured wouldn't happen for at least a week or so. Taking the emotions out of this (which I'm going to try and do this whole time to be as fair as possible to myself and this decision), it's just fascinating from a biology/scientific curiosity perspective.

When I woke up, it was gone. I took my 2nd dose this morning and about 4 hours later, it's there again. A bit more faint, but noticeable.

Mentally, I have a kind of weird analogy but you know when you go to the eye doctor and do the "better...worse?" game with two practically identical settings? But after really thinking about it, one is slightly clearer/sharper/crisper than the other? That's kind of how I feel. Crisper? If that makes sense? But only just. I still don't have spiro so the T pretty quickly overwhelms the E, but because of that, I have got to experience that eye doctor "better/worse" test and it IS better. It seems to ramp up to about 4, 5 hours in and then fades back. Slight, but again, noticeable! I know I already said it but again, purely on a biological/scientific curiosity level, this is really crazy to see how much of a difference such a little blue pill can cause!

You will likely have a number of sensations in the chest area during your transition journey.

Quote from: katiebee on Yesterday at 10:54:44 AMI wonder how possible that would be for me. I am fairly sure my wife would not support it. But...I'll only know until I ask. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, "one step at a time" is my mantra throughout this journey!

Well I'm single and don't have a wife so I can appreciate it would be harder with a partner who doesn't know. I wasn't thinking there.