Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Dear community,

my name is Valerie, I am middle adged, and I've only known for a couple of weeks that I'm a woman. It is incredible how I didn't see the truth earlier, because it was hidden under thick layers of shame for all my life. At first I thought I was an enby but I came to realise, I'm just a woman in a dude's body. For our marriage, for the sake of my supportive family and the life we built, I've decided to go on with the man role, kinda forever, no matter the personal cost. I came here to get in touch with people sharing a similar situation.

Anyway thanks so much for having me!
Val

Hi Valerie!



     Welcome!



Chrissy

Thx so much Chrissy. It is so lovely to be called by my new name.  🥹

What you said about your transgender identity being hidden under layers of shame is something a lot of us can relate to. It's a complicated and difficult process to navigate and we all deal with it differently.

Some brave ones are able to confront it immediately much earlier in life in order to come out and live freely. I wasn't that brave or even that self aware. I was confused for a long time. So for some trans people it's a process of hiding and repressing it before eventually figuring yourself out. The good news is that it's never too late and each path is unique. Our bravery does eventually show up even if it's a little later than planned.

Hiya Valerie! A big welcome from the UK.

I'm sure you will find plenty of like minded souls on here. We're a friendly bunch. I look forward to hearing more about you. Don't be frightened to join the discussions!

Sarah xx

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and the kind, encouraging words. 🩷

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 19, 2026, 06:22:13 AMThx so much Chrissy. It is so lovely to be called by my new name.  🥹

Valerie,


I can relate to that, for sure.


Chrissy

And what lovely names you all have chosen for yourselves :-)

@Jillian-TG yes, it's true. It's definitely challenging, and a bit scary. But at the same time, the relaisation is one of the best things that have happened in my life.

So since I'm a noob, where's the best category to discuss how to navigate a planned life in stealth?

Val,

You can use the search function and type in Stealth.  You should then receive many pages of postings.  Which one is best?  I do not know.  Someone here may point out some specific ones to you though.


Chrissy

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 19, 2026, 07:29:06 AMSo since I'm a noob, where's the best category to discuss how to navigate a planned life in stealth?

Hello Valerie,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

Thank you for that wonderful introduction.

We strive to make this a safe space for you to find information and share your thoughts and comments. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

You can find all sorts of information here from the real-life experiences of people from all over the world.

When you click on the HOME button, you will see a page listing all of the various sub-forums by category and topic. Each sub-forum has a description of what that forum is about, as well as any guidelines for posting.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES  PUBLIC   Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

I will add links below that are important for new and returning members.
Pay special attention to the links in RED.

If you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact me at LoriDee605@outlook.com.

Once again, welcome to Susan's Place!

~ Lori Dee
Forum Staff

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@Valerie.Val
@Sarah B
@Charlotte Kitty
@Northern Star Girl

Hey Valerie,

I'm Charlotte😻 and I too pleased to welcome you to Susan's Place!

Look forward to hearing more from you as and when you are ready and hope you find the information here useful.

Kind regards,
Charlotte😻
(Forum Staff)

Welcome to SP, Valerie!

I've made a decision similar to yours though it's not exactly stealth. I informed everyone of my gender variance several years ago. Shortly after my announcement, my daughter and her partner moved back home and have lived with me for almost four years.

Because of my daughter's ambivalence about my gender variance, I play the role of being her 'dad' when they are home. It's not a sacrifice; it's patience. Occasionally, that patience is rewarded. A few weeks ago, my daughter referred to me as 'Anni' in an email to a mutual friend I met on SP. Such moments are priceless.

Hi Valerie
Like @Stottie Girl said we're a nice bunch. You will find friends and support here.

Valerie!

Welcome Aboard Sister!... It is amazing how deeply we can bury ourselves isn't it?...

All Good Things To You Girl!

Onward!

Ashley 💕

Welcome to Susan's Place, we're happy to see and have you here. 💚

Thank you all for the kind welcome <3

@Dances With Trees - Anni, that does indeed sound like the life model I aim for. How do you manage to keep imposter syndrome and dysphoria in check? I'm struggling very hard with those at the moment.

@tgirlamg Ashley thank you so much, sister <3 Yah I'd have a hard time believe it if I weren't experiencing it. Once you start listing all the occasions when you could have known - the list starts when I was very little. But well, growing up where I did, kids and grown ups likewise were eager to teach me what was right and wrong for my assigned role by shaming and mobbing. And (worst of all) well meant advice from dad, a loving and caring man. Boys don't cry, cowboy mentality and so on. I needed to grow all up to perfect my masking well enough to fit in somewhere. I assume many here share similar experiences.

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 20, 2026, 01:05:42 AMHow do you manage to keep imposter syndrome and dysphoria in check?

Sometimes I don't. Between the two, I struggle more with imposter syndrome because people I love constantly tell me I'm just pretending. Fortunately, my daughter isn't one of those people and her opinion means far more to me than the opinions of sisters.

I was a basket case when I arrived on the doorstep of SP a little more than a year ago. The love and support I received, the friendships I made, carried me through those dark days and into a place of relative peace.

Dear Valerie, I'm confident you'll experience something similar. Hugs. 

Quote from: Dances With Trees on May 20, 2026, 09:43:03 AMDear Valerie, I'm confident you'll experience something similar. Hugs. 

Thank you so much, Anni *hugs back* <3

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 20, 2026, 01:05:42 AMThank you all for the kind welcome <3

@Dances With Trees - Anni, that does indeed sound like the life model I aim for. How do you manage to keep imposter syndrome and dysphoria in check? I'm struggling very hard with those at the moment.

@tgirlamg Ashley thank you so much, sister <3 Yah I'd have a hard time believe it if I weren't experiencing it. Once you start listing all the occasions when you could have known - the list starts when I was very little. But well, growing up where I did, kids and grown ups likewise were eager to teach me what was right and wrong for my assigned role by shaming and mobbing. And (worst of all) well meant advice from dad, a loving and caring man. Boys don't cry, cowboy mentality and so on. I needed to grow all up to perfect my masking well enough to fit in somewhere. I assume many here share similar experiences.

Hey Valerie!

I remember well when I began my transition in 2013... The flood of revelations about my earlier life and the real reasons I had made so many of my past choices... We can hide so much until we are ready to deal with what is there and what it all means... I think there is a tipping point of sorts where the fear of exploring these long hidden aspects of our true self, are no longer as scary as the thought of hiding from them any longer...

Onward Brave Sister! The Things You Seek Are Within Your Reach!

Ashley 💕

Welcome to the group. I've been on HRT for over 4 years, have had facial feminization surgery and I still present either male or female, depending on the situation. You can hide a lot. Having said that, it can be a challenge and the effects of hormone therapy will not be something you can hide with a partner.

Feel free to hit me up if you have questions about this.

@tgirlamg thanks so much for the encouragement, this means a lot <3

@Courtney G wow that's impressive, food for thought. My spouse is all aboard so no probs there.

It looks like I actually will have to transition after all.

I'm to talk with my wife about transitioning. She has a very demanding job, every time I try and talk with her, her phone goes craz.

  Welcome to Susan's Valerie. I also went through a life of shame and bias upbringing of 'boys don't do that!' Boys don't sit like that. Boys don't cry, and so on. Guilt and shame made me a very bitter man who hated himself and everyone else. Pretending to be normal and trying to fit in as a man never worked well for me. As many, I finally reached a tipping point. At 60 I started. One of the first things was, with hands shaking, nervous as all, I made a post on this site. Those first steps were filled with fear. As I did more and more it got easier. Now, being out full time almost 3 years, I can't imagine a life any other way.
  So good to have you here. There are a lot of great, caring people here. You have come to the right place.

@Dawn Kellie I hope you'll soon find a little peace to talk with her. Best of luck, girl!

@Gina P Thank you for the sweet welcome. Yes I'm so happy to have found this place, it is such an opposite of the toxic social media. It's so encouraging to hear that almost nobody regrets their decision, because I'm scared as hell.

What I also totally love is that I can *finally* talk to and be friends with other women without the danger of it being misinterpreted. In social situations it was expected that I talk with the other guys about football and other stuff that I really don't care a tiny bit about. I assume this is also an experience many of us share.

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 21, 2026, 08:24:09 AM@Dawn Kellie I hope you'll soon find a little peace to talk with her. Best of luck, girl!

@Gina P Thank you for the sweet welcome. Yes I'm so happy to have found this place, it is such an opposite of the toxic social media. It's so encouraging to hear that almost nobody regrets their decision, because I'm scared as hell.

What I also totally love is that I can *finally* talk to and be friends with other women without the danger of it being misinterpreted. In social situations it was expected that I talk with the other guys about football and other stuff that I really don't care a tiny bit about. I assume this is also an experience many of us share.

I've never been very "manly". I never could sit and watch a sports ball game drinking a beer and being one of the guys.
I've tried as it was expected and it never felt correct. I've always been the nerdy kind to begin with. I feel more comfortable being one of the girls. I've found so many people here i connect with.
SP has really opened my eyes.

Welcome, Val — and thank you for trusting us with something this tender so early in the knowing.

What you described — the truth hidden under thick layers of shame for a whole life, and then finally seeing it — is one of the most profound things a person can go through, and you said it beautifully. A lot of us know exactly that feeling: the strange mix of *how did I not see this* and *of course, it was always there.* Naming it, even just to yourself, even just two weeks ago, took real courage. However things unfold from here, you've already done the hardest part, which is telling yourself the truth.

I want to say something gently about the decision you've made to stay in the man role, and I want to be clear up front: it's your decision, and it's a legitimate one. People in your situation make exactly that choice for love of their families and the lives they've built, and there's no judgment here for it — none. You know your marriage, your family, and what you treasure better than anyone here ever could.

The only thing I'd offer — and offer lightly — is that you're two weeks into this. You don't have to have the rest of your life sorted right now. "Forever, no matter the personal cost" is a heavy thing to carry, and decisions made in the first rush of a realization this big have a way of staying open longer than they first feel. You're allowed to keep feeling your way. You're allowed to not know yet. And it isn't only ever a choice between "transition fully" and "live as a man forever and pay any cost" — there's a wide, quiet middle that a lot of people find their way into, made of small things shared honestly with the people they love, at whatever pace the marriage can hold. Where you land is entirely yours to discover. I just don't want you to feel locked into the heaviest version of it on day fourteen.

And because you used the words yourself — *the personal cost* — I'll just say this kindly: your wellbeing is part of the equation too. Not more important than the people you love, but not nothing, either. The folks here who've walked the staying-in-role path can tell you honestly what it costs and what makes it bearable, and that's worth hearing from people who've actually lived it rather than figuring it out alone.

Which brings me to what you came for. You'll find a lot of company here — members who've stayed in role for their families, members who realized late, spouses navigating exactly this with the people they love. Look through the boards on relationships and significant others, and the threads on coming to this later in life. Your people are here, in more than one configuration.

Take your time, Val. There's no schedule, no test, and no wrong pace. We're glad you found us.

Welcome home.
— Susan💜

I am new\returning too. So welcome!

Dear @Susan ,

thank you for your kind and gentle welcome. And yes, it indeed seems the burden is too heavy for me to carry after all. My lovely wife took it away from me and we're open to transition. She'll stick with me and I'm blessed.

However I'm so so scared of what's to come.

Val

Quote from: tammy753 on May 21, 2026, 08:38:25 PMI am new\returning too. So welcome!

Thank you Tammy - good we're here :) this place rocks

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 22, 2026, 12:50:59 AMThank you Tammy - good we're here :) this place rocks

Yes it does. SP has a lot of love and support. Keep growing and keep loving

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 22, 2026, 12:50:06 AMDear @Susan ,

thank you for your kind and gentle welcome. And yes, it indeed seems the burden is too heavy for me to carry after all. My lovely wife took it away from me and we're open to transition. She'll stick with me and I'm blessed.

However I'm so so scared of what's to come.

Val

I know I am not Susan but I would say get a therapist. I am emotionally and physically drained after a session but mine has helped so much. I was suicidal and was ashamed of being trans. I am still dealing with those issues but after 2 months I am so much better than I was before her. I still have a Tractor trailer full of issues to work through but I had walled off the parts of me that was Tammy like she was a prisoner.

Also My therapist had me start Journaling recently that has been an amazing outlet for my inner thoughts.

Please don't hide who you are like I did for 50 years. It is the biggest regret of my life that is now over half over.

Quote from: tammy753 on May 22, 2026, 09:42:44 AMI know I am not Susan but I would say get a therapist. I am emotionally and physically drained after a session but mine has helped so much. I was suicidal and was ashamed of being trans. I am still dealing with those issues but after 2 months I am so much better than I was before her. I still have a Tractor trailer full of issues to work through but I had walled off the parts of me that was Tammy like she was a prisoner.

Also My therapist had me start Journaling recently that has been an amazing outlet for my inner thoughts.

Please don't hide who you are like I did for 50 years. It is the biggest regret of my life that is now over half over.

I will second that, journaling is an excellent way to work though stuff. You don't need to do it every day but whenever I'm feeling stressed or upset, I will it write down and tell myself I will look back at it after a couple of hours to see if it is still affecting me. I often find that the act of closing the book has a way of re-setting my mind. More often than not I forget to look back!

I started therapy in the last few months. I find it helps me focus and look past issues at the same time. I wish I had done it a long time ago

Thank you sisters for your very valid advice. It's near impossible here to get a therapist, it'll be a matter of many months, but I am searching.

Yes, journaling helps me too. Crazy if I read back how much has happened in a month.

Today I was at table soccer night with my old friends, only some of them in the loop. It was a very stressful experience. Those were nights I used to enjoy in dude mode in the past, and now my old dude system tells me Val is just a fad. A fraud. This feels terrible 😞

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 22, 2026, 04:47:41 PMThank you sisters for your very valid advice. It's near impossible here to get a therapist, it'll be a matter of many months, but I am searching.

Yes, journaling helps me too. Crazy if I read back how much has happened in a month.

Today I was at table soccer night with my old friends, only some of them in the loop. It was a very stressful experience. Those were nights I used to enjoy in dude mode in the past, and now my old dude system tells me Val is just a fad. A fraud. This feels terrible 😞

I'm sorry that happened. It is very defeating. You can push through and just look for the love.

I'm guilty of being pragmatic and blunt to a fault, so please take these thoughts in the most gentle and supportive way you can:

This stuff is hard. It's really hard. You will likely have tearful moments, moments of despair during which you tell yourself "I can't do this; it's too hard." Moments during which you tell yourself that you're an impostor and a fraud. But you'll probably have moments of joy unlike anything you've felt before. And you'll think to yourself "I did it. I actually did it. I could have lived the rest of my life without being true to myself, but I chose the path of truth." Those are some amazing moments that make the pain worthwhile.

I'm just beyond happy to hear that your wife is supporting you through this. So many of us lose so much, so many go it alone. It wasn't always a picnic, but I managed to stay together with my partner through all of this so far and it has helped so much. Many couples find a stronger bond than they thought possible after going through this. I wish that for you.

@Dawn Kellie thank you so much for your encouraging words *hugs*

@Courtney G dear Courtney, pragmatic and blunt is what I prefer, always. But I'm not used to it being put in words so gently and understanding. Thank you so much. This really gives me some hope. *hugs*

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 22, 2026, 04:47:41 PMThank you sisters for your very valid advice. It's near impossible here to get a therapist, it'll be a matter of many months, but I am searching.

Yes, journaling helps me too. Crazy if I read back how much has happened in a month.

Today I was at table soccer night with my old friends, only some of them in the loop. It was a very stressful experience. Those were nights I used to enjoy in dude mode in the past, and now my old dude system tells me Val is just a fad. A fraud. This feels terrible 😞

Table football (I can't use the S word)? as in Subutteo or are you talking Foosball?

I have started to get to the point where dressing Male is starting to feel like cross dressing! I do not have any male friends left for reasons I won't go into here, but I don't think I would like to be in that environment anymore.

I wanted to chime in on the therapy topic. A 'good' therapist is beyond words. Mine helped me in ways I never would have thought. Encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone. Praised me on each accomplishment. He helped me deal with the guilt, depression and marital issues, to name a few. But you must find one that you are comfortable with and is versed in transitioning. There are online therapist if an in-person one is not available. They can help you deal with all the crazy thoughts and feeling that come along with being trans. I had to laugh, my wife used to call mine, my enabler! And yes she wasn't to keen on me transitioning, but we are still together. Its a bit rough at times but still together.

Quote from: Gina P on May 23, 2026, 07:37:20 AMI wanted to chime in on the therapy topic. A 'good' therapist is beyond words. Mine helped me in ways I never would have thought. Encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone. Praised me on each accomplishment. He helped me deal with the guilt, depression and marital issues, to name a few. But you must find one that you are comfortable with and is versed in transitioning. There are online therapist if an in-person one is not available. They can help you deal with all the crazy thoughts and feeling that come along with being trans. I had to laugh, my wife used to call mine, my enabler! And yes she wasn't to keen on me transitioning, but we are still together. Its a bit rough at times but still together.

My Therapist is amazing and we have never had an in person session although she is pushing for one. One of my issues is Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety. If none are available locally go for online. Just having someone to talk to that you can share those super dark thoughts with is worth 100000 times the cost.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 23, 2026, 07:00:10 AMTable football (I can't use the S word)? as in Subutteo or are you talking Foosball.

😘 Sorry for the s word, just because we're on a US server. 😜 I am not a native speaker and yeah foosball is what I meant.

My closest long time male friends are good guys really, they reject all toxic masculinity and are a nerdy bunch. No wonder I gravitated to them.

Unfortunately as I mentioned, therapists are super hard to find, here, and I can't be too picky. I'll see if online therapy is available here.

@Gina P that sound wonderful, I'm glad you found such a good person to help you along!

@tammy753 I hear you. well. Maybe I need to look for therapists that are out of my price range. Maybe I can get help faster.

Quote from: tammy753 on May 23, 2026, 10:25:38 AMMy Therapist is amazing and we have never had an in person session although she is pushing for one. One of my issues is Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety. If none are available locally go for online. Just having someone to talk to that you can share those super dark thoughts with is worth 100000 times the cost.

Had to look up Agrophobia. I used go have terrible social anxiety. Funny thing is that went away as I transitioned. I believe it was from acting and pretending that I was something I was not, A MAN! Deeply feared going out, especially going into a city, meeting new people, or traveling. I would like to give my therapist the credit, but in all actuality it came from the confidence of just dressing and being myself. It seams to be the opposite of what one would expect, right.

My Therapist is $100 a session. She offered to do a session every 2weeks due to cost. I have opted for weekly but I don't have a family like you. You are worth the cost of therapy!

Be upfront about your financial situation some will lower the cost if you are paying out of pocket.

Quote from: Gina P on May 24, 2026, 07:24:04 AMHad to look up Agrophobia. I used go have terrible social anxiety. Funny thing is that went away as I transitioned. I believe it was from acting and pretending that I was something I was not, A MAN! Deeply feared going out, especially going into a city, meeting new people, or traveling. I would like to give my therapist the credit, but in all actuality it came from the confidence of just dressing and being myself. It seams to be the opposite of what one would expect, right.

@Gina P @tammy753

That is interesting Gina. I am an introvert not really an agoraphobic but I have to force myself to go out on my own. I have never been to a cafe on my own, rarely do anything without someone else there and now I am mostly alone it means I have been stuck in a rut not doing anything at all really.

I have noticed that since being on here my female inner self has blossommed and she is outgoing, bubbly, friendly, caring, confident. I have found that this is giving me much more confidence in real life. I have started trying to get out more on my own. I'm using these trips to show people the castles and interesting places where I live to build more confidence but I'm hoping to develop this further and pluck up the courage to go to cafe's or art galleries and the like, all on my lonesome. I could never have contemplated this before I came here. I am hopeful that when I finally transition socially I will be able to have more confidence and be able to enjoy life more. The signs are good.

Tammy, you might find that as you start to explore transition and your sense of self grows, you might be able to start overcoming the Agoraphobia too. Your therapist should be able to help you with this. My auntie is Agoraphobic and it has blighted her life a bit. If you can get control of it, it will do you the power of good.

Hi Valerie,

Welcome. You are going to find love, support, understanding and a wealth of experience here.

With no judgement.

I'm really happy for you that your wife is ok with what you are looking to do.

Please keep communicating with her all the time. Things are going to get hard at some stages for each of you.

Tammy,
Welcome (back) to you too

@Petunia thanks so much for the warm hello, and yes wife and I are talking all the time, good advice! <3

Today I'm trying all dude mode. No little anchors, no female demeanor, no female scent, sitting broadlegged, talking deep.

Dude has been shouting inside for days now to return to the "safe and easy life" so I thought I'd try it. What should I say, I'm 1 hour in and it feels... empty. Sad. And still not safe.



@Moderators: feel free to move this topic to the journals. how about "Val's Voyage"

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 23, 2026, 01:08:30 PMUnfortunately as I mentioned, therapists are super hard to find, here, and I can't be too picky. I'll see if online therapy is available here.

Once I quit trying to find someone local, I was in a virtual candy store of therapists! I used AI and Google to find the perfect fit. She deeply understands transition; I think most of her patients are trans. She also has training in the issues I have. The cost is hard, but I'm feeling stable now so I only see her every 3-4 weeks.I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow   

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 29, 2026, 04:07:56 AMToday I'm trying all dude mode. No little anchors, no female demeanor, no female scent, sitting broadlegged, talking deep.

Wow I didn't last long, pure dude mode has really become unbearable. :-[

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 29, 2026, 04:07:56 AM@Moderators: feel free to move this topic to the journals. how about "Val's Voyage"

Here ya go, Val!

Welcome to Val's Voyage.

And congrats on the blog.
You have a good start already.
Links didn't change; it is just in a different place now.

Nice to see you in have a blog, Val. I had one of those who? moments, then was like, oh good, she's here now! 

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 29, 2026, 07:03:34 AMWow I didn't last long, pure dude mode has really become unbearable. :-[

I honor you for trying this experiment. I often very briefly consider it, but I just can't. Just the thought of my male clothes sends an uncomfortable shiver up my spine 

Quote from: Lori Dee on May 29, 2026, 07:40:31 AMHere ya go, Val!

Thank you dear @Lori Dee !

@Gina P 🤗

@KristaFairchild it was a very unsettling experience; my spouse said my eyes looked dead. It was a good reminder of why I'm going forward.

Welcome to your new blog Valerie!... I look forward to watching your voyage take you to amazing places!

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Hey welcome to your blog Val, it's nice to have a home for your musings. I like what you've done with the place!

I'll check in from time to time for updates.

Sarah xx

Welcome to the basement dear. 9 year since I said goodbye to him and no regrets.

@Valerie.Val
Dear Valerie:
I have so very much enjoyed your postings, comments and thoughts that you have shared on the Forum since
you registered as a member less than 2 weeks ago. You have a wonderful way of explaining your feelings
regarding various issues, but you also share kind and well thought out replies to other members questions
and postings.

I want to give you a BIG WARM WELCOME to Susan's Place and the Forum.

I am so very happy to see that you have started your own Blog thread here on the Forum.

You can consider your Blog thread as your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and
followers can  find you to leave their comments and to share with you. 

Also your Blog thread is your shared personal journal that you can use to write down your thoughts
and comments as you navigate your journey and life endeavors.

I have some older Blog threads here from several years ago that I still go back to
read what I had shared...  great memories of my trials and tribulations as I documented
my own journey. 

I also keep a personal "old school" pen & paper journey for my eyes only... complete with
colorful doodling and snapshot pictures. 
On a cold and rainy night I can be found in my comfy chair in front of my warm fireplace
reading over some of my past writings... sometimes with tears in my eyes and sometimes
with a smile on my face.
I find that when I read over my past writings that it is good personal therapy that allows
me to review my past actions and develop good solutions and new actions that are a benefit
in my life journey.

As you feel free to share your story you can find comfort in knowing that when you
share your heartache, trials, difficulties and unpleasant experiences that test your
resilience and strength... that you have like-minded members and friends here that will
be at your side to offer their shoulder for you to lean on.
On the other hand, when you share your successes, accomplishments,and happy moments we will
rejoice with you and help you to celebrate those good times in your journey.

Along with your readers and avid followers I look forward to following your "Val's Voyage" Blog thread and
your future postings around the various threads on the Forum.

If you ever have questions regarding the Forum and other related matters always feel free to contact me.

My warmest HUGS ... and wishing you happiness and success as you continue on.
                  💜
Danielle [Northern Star Girl] 
The Forum Administrator  Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 19, 2026, 06:18:52 AMDear community,

my name is Valerie, I am middle adged, and I've only known for a couple of weeks that I'm a woman. It is incredible how I didn't see the truth earlier, because it was hidden under thick layers of shame for all my life. At first I thought I was an enby but I came to realise, I'm just a woman in a dude's body. For our marriage, for the sake of my supportive family and the life we built, I've decided to go on with the man role, kinda forever, no matter the personal cost. I came here to get in touch with people sharing a similar situation.

Anyway thanks so much for having me!
Val

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 29, 2026, 09:23:31 AMOnward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Dear Ashley, thank you so much Sister. I often think of your tagline. I use it as a mantra. 💜

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 29, 2026, 10:39:04 AMI'll check in from time to time for updates.

Sarah xx

Dear Sarah, thank you! I think you are really cool and braver than you know 💜

Quote from: davina61 on May 29, 2026, 11:18:32 AMWelcome to the basement dear. 9 year since I said goodbye to him and no regrets.

Well yeah... He served well but it's time for his retirement. 😬


@Nortern Star Girl Dear Danielle thank u soo much for your kind words. I appreciate so much the time, love and energy you and the others put into this place. 💜


Much love to all,
XOXO Val

Thanks Val! I wish i felt it but I'm getting stronger all the time! I agree with you about Ashley's mantra it's always in the back of my mind too.😁

Sarah xx

Quote from: Valerie.Val on May 30, 2026, 02:36:42 AMDear Ashley, thank you so much Sister. I often think of your tagline. I use it as a mantra. 💜

Quote from: Stottie Girl on May 30, 2026, 02:48:37 AMThanks Val! I wish i felt it but I'm getting stronger all the time! I agree with you about Ashley's mantra it's always in the back of my mind too.😁

Sarah xx

Hello Beautiful Sisters! 👋👩💕

Onward if always the correct direction of travel!!!... I am glad it serves you well. You are both getting stronger by the day!... I see and feel it in your words... You both have so very much within your grasp! 🤗

This refrigerator magnet provided me with my early mantra as i first started to carve out my new place in the world 13 regret free years ago... It saw me through a lot of fears and changes!... I am so glad I took the message to heart... 🤗

(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/55303916021_4fb2def75d_b.jpg) (https://www.flickr.com/gp/156388176@N05/Ym78po9082)Untitled (https://www.flickr.com/gp/156388176@N05/Ym78po9082) by Ashley (https://www.flickr.com/photos/156388176@N05/), on Flickr

Onward Brave Sisters!

Ashley 💕

Ha ha! Ashley, I use the anglicized version of this phrase time and time again! "Don't worry about me, I have my big girls pants on!"

Love it!

You will always be one of the biggest inspirations to me and I love you for that.

All right I had my first therapy session today. That woman is an angel and will try to help me get HRT asap.

Fingers crossed!

I was surprised how easy it was! I live in California and I called Planned Parenthood, scheduled an appointment in a couple of days, had the patch the next day. I hope your experience will be similar. 

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 08, 2026, 03:11:24 PMAll right I had my first therapy session today. That woman is an angel and will try to help me get HRT asap.

Fingers crossed!

Congrats, Val!

A good therapist is more than just someone to talk to. They can be powerful allies too. I am so happy you have a good one.

Glad you got your first session and that it went well. Hopefully you'll get hrt soon too x

Ooooh congrats Val! Big news!

It's great you hit it off with your therapist, it's an important relationship.

Any idea on timescales for the HRT?

You must be so excited!

That is amazing!!!! Congratulations!

Thank you so much, ladies <3

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 08, 2026, 03:14:17 PMI was surprised how easy it was! I live in California and I called Planned Parenthood, scheduled an appointment in a couple of days, had the patch the next day. I hope your experience will be similar.

Wow that's amazing! Alas the gatekeepers are a bit stricter here but if all goes well it will be a matter of several weeks instead of months.

Quote from: Stottie Girl on June 08, 2026, 03:41:05 PMYou must be so excited!

Oh hell yeah :D The last month has been a total rush, I have forgotten how it is not to be excited...

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 09, 2026, 03:45:29 AMThank you so much, ladies <3
Wow that's amazing! Alas the gatekeepers are a bit stricter here but if all goes well it will be a matter of several weeks instead of months.

Oh hell yeah :D The last month has been a total rush, I have forgotten how it is not to be excited...

You will have many exciting and emotional times ahead of you once you start HRT. Enjoy the ride!

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 08, 2026, 03:11:24 PMAll right I had my first therapy session today. That woman is an angel and will try to help me get HRT asap.

Fingers crossed!

Wonderful News!... Congrats Sister!... Amazing Things Await!... For me, the changes from HRT were like I had been watching TV in black and white all my life and all of a sudden, everything was in full color! 💕🤗💕

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 08, 2026, 03:11:24 PMAll right I had my first therapy session today. That woman is an angel and will try to help me get HRT asap.

Fingers crossed!

Yay!


Chrissy

Thx ladies for the encouragement, I'm so looking forward to hrt. 💜

Ugh been in a trans self help phone group yesteday, along with my wife. There were only two regulars in there who had their transition long ago. A few good hints there, but mostly they were bickering amongst each other. The one a bit older, stuck in old ways, and constantly warning me to challenge my own decisions. And the other backtalkig, both talking over each other. Worst of all, aforementioned woman insisted maaany many trans women regret their transition so bewaaare bewaaare. I can't believe even trans folk spread this misinformation on a support line.

That was totally draining instead of supporting, fuel for my ever present self-doubts. duh.
That was the last time I'm doing that. Rant over 😁

It was a stark contrast to all you wonderful people with your well balanced and mindful posts so big hugs to you 💕💖

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 13, 2026, 02:38:09 PMWorst of all, aforementioned woman insisted maaany many trans women regret their transition so bewaaare bewaaare. I can't believe even trans folk spread this misinformation on a support line.

I'm currently readingGender Magic by Rae McDaniel. She cited 4% regrets, mostly because of how they were treated by the community, not because of true regrets. 

But far be it for facts to get in the way of an argument! 🤣🤣🤣

Exactly, Krista 🤣👍

There are some trans girls who regret GRS but they are usually the ones who have not been through the rigorous psychiatric assessments required to get surgery in the first place and go to a surgeon (usually abroad) who does not care and just wants their money or maybe they did go to a good surgeon but just weren't fully truthful during those assesments.

I honestly believe the amount of girls who regret the transition is infintessimal compared to the number that are completely satisfied with their choices.

It's cool your wife is sticking with you Val. I hope she wasn't negatively affected by those two muppets on your call.

Living gloriously regret free since 2013... 💕🤗💕

Onward Brave Sister!

A💕

To quote Albert Einstein:

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Study after study has shown that the regret rate is less than 3% and closer to zero:


Regret Rates for Gender-Affirming Surgery Are Practically Non-Existent
GenderGP - March 30, 2026

https://www.gendergp.com/en-us/blog/regret-rates-for-gender-affirming-surgery-are-practically-non-existent/

You were not mistaken, Val, in identifying it as misinformation.

Quote from: Lori Dee on June 13, 2026, 04:12:39 PMTo quote Albert Einstein:

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Study after study has shown that the regret rate is less than 3% and closer to zero:

And of that 3%, most are frightened of the bigots and haters; THAT is why they report regrets. 

Yes more folks regret plastic surgery than we do, took me 60 years to get right so I am not going back!!

Yes, you're all right. Shame that one of us plays gatekeeper on a help line. I know what I need. 😊

@Stottie Girl so funny you said they were muppets, we also compared their behaviours to Waldorf & Statler 😂

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 14, 2026, 06:34:51 AMYes, you're all right. Shame that one of us plays gatekeeper on a help line. I know what I need. 😊

@Stottie Girl so funny you said they were muppets, we also compared their behaviours to Waldorf & Statler 😂

Ha ha! called it!🤣🤣

This site is an example of how wonderful the internet can be.

No judgement. Just support, understanding, guidance, lived experience and a host of wonderful people.

I should have come here decades ago.

When it comes to the haters talking about regret or detransition why don't they also acknowledge those of us who don't make it and are pressured to self harm?

@Petunia I wholeheartedly agree - faith in humanity restored, as they say.

Right, I shaved my beard off and my spouse put make-up on my face. Tears of joy. I'm on the right track.

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 18, 2026, 01:32:15 PMRight, I shaved my beard off and my spouse put make-up on my face. Tears of joy. I'm on the right track.

The tip of the iceberg of joy! 🤗

Onward Brave Sister!

A💕

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 18, 2026, 01:32:15 PMRight, I shaved my beard off and my spouse put make-up on my face. Tears of joy. I'm on the right track.

Oh wow! your wife really is awesome Val! You are a very lucky girl!

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 18, 2026, 01:32:15 PMRight, I shaved my beard off and my spouse put make-up on my face. Tears of joy. I'm on the right track.

Wow, congratulations! So great that your spouse was able to assume that supporting role.

I'm up to my neck in electrolysis study and I must let you know: be very cautious about plucking, waxing or epilating any face or body hairs, as that can make the roots thicker and stronger and harder to remove later. It can even turn vellus (fine, soft) hairs into terminal ones! If you want to learn a bit more, check out Paradoxical Hypertrichosis.

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 18, 2026, 01:32:15 PMRight, I shaved my beard off and my spouse put make-up on my face. Tears of joy. I'm on the right track.

I'll never forget the first time I was fully made up and dressed as a woman. I nearly cried with joy.

Years later, I've accepted who I am. I leave room for whatever the future brings, but my path hasn't wavered for two years. 

Quote from: Courtney G on June 18, 2026, 05:03:26 PMWow, congratulations! So great that your spouse was able to assume that supporting role.

I'm up to my neck in electrolysis study and I must let you know: be very cautious about plucking, waxing or epilating any face or body hairs, as that can make the roots thicker and stronger and harder to remove later. It can even turn vellus (fine, soft) hairs into terminal ones! If you want to learn a bit more, check out Paradoxical Hypertrichosis.

Do you have a source for that?

Quote from: Devlyn on June 19, 2026, 01:56:35 AMDo you have a source 

Paradoxical Hypertrichosis, is real. However, it is most strongly associated with certain forms of laser hair removal and intense pulsed light (IPL), not with ordinary plucking, waxing, or epilating.

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 19, 2026, 07:13:47 AMParadoxical Hypertrichosis, is real. However, it is most strongly associated with certain forms of laser hair removal and intense pulsed light (IPL), not with ordinary plucking, waxing, or epilating.

Yes, that's what I found as well. I understand that everyone gets a different search return, and I was wondering why none of the other hair removal methods were listed as potential causes; and why the post here didn't list the IPL and laser at all. Hopefully Courtney can help us out with the answers.

Quote from: Devlyn on June 19, 2026, 01:56:35 AMDo you have a source for that?

Well, I thought I did, but I can't find it in my class notes! The only thing I found so far is that roots can be deformed from plucking and that laser and IPL can cause regrowth and/or conversion of vellus hairs to terminal ones.

But a Google search reveals this: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/04/150409133407.htm#google_vignette

And this: https://www.->-bleeped-<-.com/r/electrolysis/comments/1okap5w/does_waxingplucking_stimulate_terminal_hair_growth/

And more stuff. But the ->-bleeped-<- thread is just people talking.
Wow...I can't use a red-something website url. Fascinating.

But I'm officially retracting my statement (unless I learn otherwise from multiple reputable sources or if I figure out which reputable source I'd learned that from)

I was told by my electrologist that plucking/waxing can damage the root, which in turn can cause ingrown hairs. She has a chart on the wall that shows hair follicles growing straight out, sideways, and even curled back into the skin (ingrown).

Quote from: Courtney G on June 19, 2026, 11:10:17 AMWell, I thought I did, but I can't find it in my class notes! The only thing I found so far is that roots can be deformed from plucking and that laser and IPL can cause regrowth and/or conversion of vellus hairs to terminal ones.

But a Google search reveals this: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/04/150409133407.htm#google_vignette

And this: https://www.->-bleeped-<-.com/r/electrolysis/comments/1okap5w/does_waxingplucking_stimulate_terminal_hair_growth/

And more stuff. But the ->-bleeped-<- thread is just people talking.
Wow...I can't use a red-something website url. Fascinating.

But I'm officially retracting my statement (unless I learn otherwise from multiple reputable sources or if I figure out which reputable source I'd learned that from)

Thank you for the update. 🙂

Quote from: Lori Dee on June 19, 2026, 11:31:37 AMI was told by my electrologist that plucking/waxing can damage the root, which in turn can cause ingrown hairs. She has a chart on the wall that shows hair follicles growing straight out, sideways, and even curled back into the skin (ingrown).

Ingrown hairs are definitely a concern. I've read plenty about that. Deformed roots are a thing that is a concern for electrologists, as the root bulb could be harder to get to.

Quote from: Devlyn on June 19, 2026, 01:56:35 AMDo you have a source for that?

I'm running into this again and circled back to share. My school docs repeatedly say this (and similar) about vellus and intermediate hair:

"May become terminal as a result of physical aggression or hormonal change"

and

"Becomes actual hair following traumatism or hormonal variations"

and

"Can become terminal hair following physical trauma or hormonal changes"

You get the idea.

Perhaps we should move this discussion to the hair removal section and give Val her blog back?

Hugs, Devlyn

@KristaFairchild thank you for sharing this memory, I'm so looking forward to everything that's to come!

@all thx for the insights regarding hair removal, incidentally I had my first laser session this week... First step of my physical transition. No regrets. 🥰

By the way somehow my IP range keeps getting banned for spam so I can't log in to Susan's most of the time.

Xoxo Val

@Northern Star Girl can take a look at that for you. 🙂

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 24, 2026, 04:01:00 PM@KristaFairchild thank you for sharing this memory, I'm so looking forward to everything that's to come!

@all thx for the insights regarding hair removal, incidentally I had my first laser session this week... First step of my physical transition. No regrets. 🥰

By the way somehow my IP range keeps getting banned for spam so I can't log in to Susan's most of the time.

Xoxo Val

Hey Val... I have had the same problem when using a VPN... try turning off your VPN and delete your cookies/history and then try logging in again... that always fixes it for me

Congrats on the first laser session sister!

Onward!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: Devlyn on June 24, 2026, 04:24:02 PM@Northern Star Girl can take a look at that for you. 🙂

I'll look into it. Thanks!

Hi Everyone

I have written a short paper on hair removal as was discussed earlier in Val's journey and have taken that topic to an appropriate thread namely in "Problems With Hair Removal" (https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=254352.msg2344528#msg2344528) as Devlyn suggested.  So that one can continue this hairy discussion there.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Valerie.Val @Stottie Girl @Petunia @tgirlamg @Courtney G @KristaFairchild @Devlyn @Lori Dee

    @Valerie.Val  cc: @Devlyn  @Lori Dee  @tgirlamg
Dear Valerie:
          Thank you for making us aware of your login issues.

The very first thing to be done is to to follow the "instructions" 
that tgirlamg (Ashley) mentioned in her reply to you:
  "try turning off your VPN and delete your cookies/history and then try logging in again."

If that doesn't work...  Lori Dee has got it on her list to solve. 
I will be following up with Lori and and with you to confirm that
the problem is solved as soon as possible.

Always feel free to contact any of our Forum Staff... we are here
to answer any questions that you have regarding the Susan's Place Forum.

Regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  The Forum Administrator

Quote from: Lori Dee on June 24, 2026, 05:37:01 PMI'll look into it. Thanks!

Quote from: Devlyn on June 24, 2026, 04:24:02 PM@Northern Star Girl can take a look at that for you. 🙂

Quote from: tgirlamg on June 24, 2026, 04:27:33 PMHey Val... I have had the same problem when using a VPN... try turning off your VPN and delete your cookies/history and then try logging in again... that always fixes it for me

Congrats on the first laser session sister!

Onward!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on June 24, 2026, 09:18:59 PM@Valerie.Val  cc: @Devlyn  @Lori Dee  @tgirlamg
Dear Valerie:
          Thank you for making us aware of your login issues.

The very first thing to be done is to to follow the "instructions" 
that tgirlamg (Ashley) mentioned in her reply to you:
  "try turning off your VPN and delete your cookies/history and then try logging in again."

If that doesn't work...  Lori Dee has got it on her list to solve. 
I will be following up with Lori and also with you to confirm that
the problem is solved as soon as possible.

Always feel free to contact any of our Forum Staff... we are here
to answer any questions that you have regarding the Susan's Place Forum.

Regards,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  The Forum Administrator

Yay! I'm sure I'm not alone saying I love to read Val's posts so let's get her connection fixed! Thank you administrators.

Quote from: tgirlamg on June 24, 2026, 04:27:33 PMHey Val... I have had the same problem when using a VPN... try turning off your VPN and delete your cookies/history and then try logging in again...

Ashley 💕

I findv I need to connect my VPN to the US. Then it seems to work ok.

Hey Val congratulations for starting laser.

Which areas are you having done?

Dear Admins, thank you for getting me back online 💜

And thank you all for the heartwarming words, you are so kind, dear sisters. 💜

It was not a VPN issue in my case, probably I just got assigned IPs that sent spam in the past.

@Petunia I'm focusing on my beard right now. Fortunately I don't have a lot of body hair at all, so I'll wait to see what hrt does to that. I have a fair amount of white beard stubbles already so I'll have to follow up with electrolysis later on.

I'm looking at the same. There is a trans friendly place about 4km from home.

I'm not sure about the pain though.😃

Laser is okay I found, just the top lip bit comes sharp. What chest hair and even my arm pit hair has diminished, chest hair (I was never that hairy) has almost gone and after a shave over a week ago is not noticeable. Just takes a long time for the HRT to work. 

@Petunia 4km that's cool! I need to drive 30 mins. The laser lady told me, each electrolysis zap is supposed to feel like a slap in the face 😬 but we'll survive it, like other brave girls before us.

@davina61 yes Laser feels a little prickly but isn't really that unpleasant. I was surprised how the fried beard would feel the next day, it was like sandpaper 😂

Good to know about the HRT, I'll try to be patient 😊

Quote from: Petunia on June 26, 2026, 11:17:15 PMI findv I need to connect my VPN to the US. Then it seems to work ok

My tries at VPN get refused. Have tried a few different server locations. I guess it is a kind of safeguard against misuse in that bot farms cannot relay via the VPN severs plus it makes user tracking possible (which is both good and bad).

Quote from: Finally Anna on June 27, 2026, 05:32:08 AMMy tries at VPN get refused. Have tried a few different server locations. I guess it is a kind of safeguard against misuse in that bot farms cannot relay via the VPN severs plus it makes user tracking possible (which is both good and bad).

Different VPNs have their own connection points. If you are connecting to a city in the U.S., you should not be having issues. Some VPNs use dirty IP addresses, which get blocked, but most should work for you. If you would like me to look into it, send me a PM or email me at LoriDee605@outlook. com

Aaaand... HRT has officially begun 💗💜🙃🥰🥹🎶👩🏻♀️

I'm happy for you, Val!

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 30, 2026, 07:53:19 AMAaaand... HRT has officially begun 💗💜🙃🥰🥹🎶👩🏻♀️

🎊🎉🎉🎉💕🤗💕 🎉🎉🎉🎊 Congrats Val!!!

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 30, 2026, 07:53:19 AMAaaand... HRT has officially begun 💗💜🙃🥰🥹🎶👩🏻♀️

@Valerie.Val
Dear Val:

Congratulations ...  starting HRT is one of the big steps in your journey... 
....there is more to come for you as you continue on.

Only as you feel comfortable doing, please keep us all updated with your progress.
I wish you happiness and success.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
Direct Email:  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Awesome! Congrats!

Mark this day. I still remember my start date, 11 January 2020. My doctors are amazed that I remember the exact date. I also remember the exact date when I legally changed my name in court: 12-12-2022.

Celebrate the day!

🥳🥂🎈🎉🎊

Fantastic news VAL. It is a big moment in your life! Remember things take time but you are now on the road!

Thank you all, dear girlfriends. 🌸🎉🤗
Big hugs for everyone!
I'll definitely keep you all posted, and like @Lori Dee I shall remember this day forever.

Congratulations!!! You are doing great!

Congratulations Valerie

Quote from: tgirlamg on June 30, 2026, 08:42:27 AM🎊🎉🎉🎉💕🤗💕 🎉🎉🎉🎊 Congrats Val!!!

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 30, 2026, 03:00:33 PMThank you all, dear girlfriends. 🌸🎉🤗
Big hugs for everyone!
I'll definitely keep you all posted, and like @Lori Dee I shall remember this day forever.

I'm soooo excited for you! You've been of the women I follow carefully. Enjoy the journey! 
😃❤️

After 9 years its still a good feeling, well done my dear enjoy the ride.

Quote from: Petunia on June 30, 2026, 06:31:21 PMCongratulations Valerie

Thank you so much, Petunia <3

Quote from: KristaFairchild on June 30, 2026, 07:00:41 PMI'm soooo excited for you! You've been of the women I follow carefully. Enjoy the journey!
😃❤️

Wow thank you, I feel honored 🥰🤭

Quote from: davina61 on July 01, 2026, 03:11:33 AMAfter 9 years its still a good feeling, well done my dear enjoy the ride.

Sounds great, I'll subscribe to that 🥳

Today started great, I felt good and we went shopping for cosmetics. But my confidence suddenly collapsed as there were so many young and pretty cis women around, I felt totally out of place. Did that happen to you gals, too? How to deal with that. I mean, I know I have the same right to access these products. But how to keep the confidence in such situations?

Quote from: Valerie.Val on Yesterday at 05:37:22 PMToday started great, I felt good and we went shopping for cosmetics. But my confidence suddenly collapsed as there were so many young and pretty cis women around, I felt totally out of place. Did that happen to you gals, too? How to deal with that. I mean, I know I have the same right to access these products. But how to keep the confidence in such situations?

I just put my shoulders up and a little smile. But relaxed at the same time. Breathe out to release. Know that you're amazing being where you are now in life and holding your own amongst the younger ones.

I guess its easier to say, but thats how I pull off being me, often in some very attention grabbing outfits! It should hopefully help in your situation too.

Quote from: Valerie.Val on Yesterday at 05:37:22 PMToday started great, I felt good and we went shopping for cosmetics. But my confidence suddenly collapsed as there were so many young and pretty cis women around, I felt totally out of place. Did that happen to you gals, too? How to deal with that. I mean, I know I have the same right to access these products. But how to keep the confidence in such situations?

  @Valerie.Val
Dear Val:
My thoughts are that many cis-women and trans gals have moments and thoughts like you had mentioned.

Each of us need to be thankful with whatever we have and do what what we can to work with
the "canvas" that we have been given and work toward improving our appearance and our presentation.
 
Confidence and self-assurance are important personal attributes.  A happy attitude and a
friendly and bright smile will go a long way to assist in that effort.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Valerie.Val on Yesterday at 05:37:22 PMToday started great, I felt good and we went shopping for cosmetics. But my confidence suddenly collapsed as there were so many young and pretty cis women around, I felt totally out of place. Did that happen to you gals, too? How to deal with that. I mean, I know I have the same right to access these products. But how to keep the confidence in such situations?

Interesting and I see that point of view, but don't feel it. Maybe because I've always connected with all ages? And young people are less likely to be bigoted toward trans women? And I have no hope of liking young and pretty. 

It's the middle aged and older men that make me nervous . We have people flying confederate flag in my area. We had a double murder if a gay couple - only because they were gay. It's much safer now but we have lunatics. I carry pepper spray 

Quote from: Valerie.Val on June 30, 2026, 07:53:19 AMAaaand... HRT has officially begun 💗💜🙃🥰🥹🎶👩🏻♀️

Congratulations, Valerie!

Quote from: Valerie.Val on Yesterday at 05:37:22 PMHow to deal with that. I mean, I know I have the same right to access these products. But how to keep the confidence in such situations?

I just remember that I am older and wiser. Who knows, maybe they think, "I hope I look like her when I get that age!"

Quote from: Valerie.Val on Yesterday at 05:37:22 PMToday started great, I felt good and we went shopping for cosmetics. But my confidence suddenly collapsed as there were so many young and pretty cis women around, I felt totally out of place. Did that happen to you gals, too? How to deal with that. I mean, I know I have the same right to access these products. But how to keep the confidence in such situations?

I was absolutely petrified going into Ulta or Sephora to get makeup at the beginning. One thing that REALLY helped my anxiety was buying online, and pickup in store. It helped because all I had to do was show my ID, and they gave me my order, and I had minimal interaction. Kinda of a side note, when I went to VS for the first time, I was so scared, and when I found the sales associate to get my order, she didn't even bat an eye at me. I was just another customer.

Buying cosmetics in a big grocery store's less busy cosmetics aisle or at a dollar store is less "obvious" I think than a cosmetics store.  I used to do that, and actually I still buy my LA brand lipstick at a dollar store. 

If you need guidance with cosmetics do go to a cosmetics store though.  Thy want to make sales.

Also lots of beautiful women, some with great curves, are all over the place!  Do not think you have to measure up to them.  You may wish to look like them but try to not let their looks bug you.  There will always be some people prettier, smarter, richer, etc. than you.  So what.  Try not to compare yourself to them in a way that will get you down in the dumps.

Hugs,

Chrissy

Thank you everyone for your time and thoughts, I appreciate this 💜🙏🏻

Quote from: KristaFairchild on Yesterday at 06:13:12 PMInteresting and I see that point of view, but don't feel it. Maybe because I've always connected with all ages? And young people are less likely to be bigoted toward trans women? And I have no hope of liking young and pretty.

Dear Krista, it is not that I don't connect to all ages. Like you I am not, nor was I ever afraid or felt threatened by women but men. But because of that, since I am at the very start of my journey, I am well aware of my quite manly exterior. So I feel I am invading their space, making *them* uncomfortable. But as usual I am probably just overthinking. The story about the gay couple is terrible. We have our fair share of bigots here, I personally know a few dudes in town that are going to give me a very hard time, but that's a different topic...

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on Yesterday at 05:48:24 PMI just put my shoulders up and a little smile. But relaxed at the same time. Breathe out to release. Know that you're amazing being where you are now in life and holding your own amongst the younger ones.

That sounds good, I shall try that, thx dear Charlotte!

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on Yesterday at 06:01:10 PMMy thoughts are that many cis-women and trans gals have moments and thoughts like you had mentioned.

Each of us need to be thankful with whatever we have and do what what we can to work with
the "canvas" that we have been given and work toward improving our appearance and our presentation.
 
Confidence and self-assurance are important personal attributes.  A happy attitude and a
friendly and bright smile will go a long way to assist in that effort.

Dear Danielle, thank you, this resonates very well with me!!! Indeed, so many people look or act so confident, and if you get to know them they're all full of doubts and fears. And I am very well aware that especially the young women are under a lot of pressure about what society expects from them.

Quote from: Lori Dee on Yesterday at 08:16:46 PMI just remember that I am older and wiser. Who knows, maybe they think, "I hope I look like her when I get that age!"

Dear Lori Dee, I hope I'll get there in a year or two, that would be lovely! For now, my shell is still kinda middle aged dude in girly shirts and makeup. 🙈

Quote from: Alana Ashleigh on Yesterday at 09:01:12 PMI was absolutely petrified going into Ulta or Sephora to get makeup at the beginning. One thing that REALLY helped my anxiety was buying online, and pickup in store.

Dear Alana Ashleigh, thank you. It's good to know I am not the only one experiencing this. And yah indeed online shopping helps! Still, I'm such a chicken and I need to girl-up and face my fears.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on Yesterday at 09:26:57 PMBuying cosmetics in a big grocery store's less busy cosmetics aisle or at a dollar store is less "obvious" I think than a cosmetics store.  I used to do that, and actually I still buy my LA brand lipstick at a dollar store. 

If you need guidance with cosmetics do go to a cosmetics store though.  Thy want to make sales.

Also lots of beautiful women, some with great curves, are all over the place!  Do not think you have to measure up to them.  You may wish to look like them but try to not let their looks bug you.  There will always be some people prettier, smarter, richer, etc. than you.  So what.  Try not to compare yourself to them in a way that will get you down in the dumps.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom dear @ChrissyRyan , yea you're totally right regarding comparison. Comparison is the killer of joy. However I don't trust people who want to make sales to give me the best style guide though - I think they'll sell me all kinds of things I don't really need. 😅

Hugs to all
xoxo Val

Time to poke my nose in and give you a big hug, Val.

Young... none of us can do anything about, outside of inventing time travel. Pretty... is entirely relative. I am with Danielle on this. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You just have to learn how to be the beholder. No one thinks they are god's gift to the human race... and if they do, they probably aren't.

The best advice I can give to you is just... own yourself. <3 How you are matters far more than how you look.

I have not been shopping in that sort of environment to be fair (though I always make sure to walk through their in the big department stores when i can!) but there is no point in comparing yourself to young pretty CIS girls. We missed the boat on that one unfortunately. However that does not mean you have any less right to be there than any others. Mature women need cosmetics too you know!

You said WE were shoping for cosmetics, I am assuming you were out with your wife. First off, How cool is that! secondly you would not have been making the girls and women around you uncomfortable, they will be far more interested in the products they are looking at or engaged with the beauty counter girls to even notice you.

It's easy to say, I have so many hangups about public perception I feel a bit hypocritical saying it, but be your confident self, walk tall and proud. If you look confident people will not look twice. It is when you start looking anxious or shifty that you start to draw attention.

Quote from: Sephirah on Today at 05:16:38 PMThe best advice I can give to you is just... own yourself. <3 How you are matters far more than how you look.

This!

Yesterday, I was at the hospital for an MRI, so no jewelry or makeup: just jeans, T-shirt, tennis shoes, and a baseball cap. The security guard at the Emergency Entrance "ma'amed" me immediately and helped me get checked in for my appointment.

In the waiting room, another patient said she liked my shirt and my whole "vibe". The shirt says: "The Power of the People is Greater than the People in Power." That's it. I was not presenting overly femme, yet my demeanor came across so that I was "read" correctly.

Just be yourself.

90% of how people read someone has nothing to do with how they look. That's why you have experts on this sort of thing.

Just be you. Most of how people come across is all about just... how you are. Which makes sense. A pneumatic chest and waiflike waist are only going to appeal to a small group of people.

We all pick up on far more than the way someone looks. Like Lori points to... just be you. And people will get it.