Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've mentioned before on this discussion board that I am married and because my wife isn't too comfortable with my transgender identity, I continue to live in the closet while we navigate through things. One thing I've done the past couple years is to spend brief periods of time as a woman when we go on a cruise. It's a great escape for me and awesome when my wife joins me for a drink or a coffee in the evening. Downside is that it's very brief.

A few months ago I was able to take a solo cruise where I was able to spend 3 days as a woman. I enjoyed it except I hated being alone and isolated.

Next month my wife and I are finally doing our girls trip together. We've flip flopped for 2 years to do this. But we are doing it. One week cruise out of LA on August 21st.

It will be the first time that we spend an extended period of time with me as a woman. I'm excited, nervous and scared all rolled into one.

@Jillian-TG 
Dear Jillian:
Your excitement comes through on
your posting regarding your upcoming
trip and cruise with your wife.

I am wishing for you a happy and enjoyable time.

Please keep us all updated as you can.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Good for you, Jillian!

Have a great time, and be sure to let your wife know how much it means to you that she's with you like that. If all goes well, you can start planning the next cruise together.

Exciting, nervous and scary - but what an opportunity!
A whole week of girls' cruise sounds super nice.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on July 26, 2026, 10:12:09 PMIt will be the first time that we spend an extended period of time with me as a woman. I'm excited, nervous and scared all rolled into one.

Sounds that you are going to have a great time and create long lasting, wonderful memories as @Jillian-TG.

Enjoy the cruise!

That sounds awesome Jillian! I hope this extended period will give your wife time to adjust and is just the start of many such adventures!

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I've been sure to let my wife know how grateful I am that she is making this effort and taking a risk.

I'm also mindful that I have to be careful not to overwhelm her either. I'm being thoughtful in my outfits - primarily ladies shorts and t-shirts. Just 2 dresses and nothing over the top (no high heels or short skirts).

Baby steps :-)

Jillian,
I recently did a 10 day cruise as what would be considered androgenous.

I'm not into cruises but I know you are. Besides that, I loved it.
I talked to a lot of people and they said I saw you at....
I guess I wasn't as hidden as I thought

No matter how feminine I presented I was accepted everywhere.

It's just a matter of how your wife accepts things.

Quote from: Petunia on July 30, 2026, 03:58:39 AMJillian,
I recently did a 10 day cruise as what would be considered androgenous.

I'm not into cruises but I know you are. Besides that, I loved it.
I talked to a lot of people and they said I saw you at....
I guess I wasn't as hidden as I thought

No matter how feminine I presented I was accepted everywhere.

It's just a matter of how your wife accepts things.

I've gone out several times on cruises as a woman and I've never had any problems. Admittedly those were mainly brief outings. People mostly don't react at all (like I'm invisible). I know for a fact that I don't pass easily as a woman so that means people don't care one way or the other.

I went androgenous. I also went to a couple of LGB meet and greats will my wife was sleeping

I did notice a young lady with long black hair that had blue and pink hair ties in.

It was kind of a sad affair with nobody interacting.

I told her boyfriend at the end of happy hour to let his girlfriend know she looked hot. He seemed genuinely pleased.

I must have made a bit of a statement as a lot of people I met told me they had seen me before o the cruise.
Perhaps not as invisible as  thought.

There is no way you can think I'm anything but males

 

Quote from: Petunia on August 01, 2026, 05:49:02 AMI went androgenous. I also went to a couple of LGB meet and greats will my wife was sleeping

I did notice a young lady with long black hair that had blue and pink hair ties in.

It was kind of a sad affair with nobody interacting.

I told her boyfriend at the end of happy hour to let his girlfriend know she looked hot. He seemed genuinely pleased.

I must have made a bit of a statement as a lot of people I met told me they had seen me before o the cruise.
Perhaps not as invisible as  thought.

There is no way you can think I'm anything but males

 

You are correct - passengers definitely like to "people watch" on the cruise ships so they do notice. But fortunately most people in real life are decent and they don't make it a big deal so it's like I'm invisible although I'm sure they notice.

I think as long as you are dressed appropriately and you are not acting like a fool then 99.9% of people don't care how you dress or present yourself. Cruise ships have an added benefit of having lots of security around and the passengers are all in a good mood.

I have not been on what may be called a touristy or vacation ocean cruise.

I have had several weeks out as a female before going full time.  Those times were very helpful.

Do have fun when you have your week out and about on your cruise.

If you have assigned tables for meals then you may have some social interaction in that way that could make anyone uncomfortable until you know them more.  I have heard about that from travelers and watching travel videos.  But it usually is not a big deal and I suppose you can get a reassignment if deemed necessary.

Hugs,

Chrissy

This sounds absolutely amazing Jillian. You will have a beautiful trip.
Enjoy every moment ❤️.

Ciara

I'm so excited for you, Jillian! I hope this extended time as a woman will make you and your wife more comfortable, so you can live the life you want. Enjoy!

I was slow and steady but had a realization about being dressed fairly feminine but also wanting to not get noticed.

I was in earrings and women's clothes that weren't too obvious. Foundation, blush, brows that looked natural. 

Most people clocked me. 

Going full femme meant people easily read me as female instead of puzzling about it. I hated the puzzling part and it was embarrassing. 

I look ok when I'm 2/3 femme and better when I'm 3/3. 

Once this took root in my head and my heart, I was free to present any way I wanted. 

Quote from: KristaFairchild on August 08, 2026, 08:05:58 PMI was slow and steady but had a realization about being dressed fairly feminine but also wanting to not get noticed.

I was in earrings and women's clothes that weren't too obvious. Foundation, blush, brows that looked natural.

Most people clocked me.

Going full femme meant people easily read me as female instead of puzzling about it. I hated the puzzling part and it was embarrassing.

I look ok when I'm 2/3 femme and better when I'm 3/3.

Once this took root in my head and my heart, I was free to present any way I wanted.

You said, " I look ok when I'm 2/3 femme and better when I'm 3/3."


I can relate to this for sure.  There is a comfort level we need to achieve.

Today is cruise day. Going to go through security in a more androgynous style (I need to match my identification document). I will be wearing women's clothing (sneakers, shorts and t-shirt) but it's not obvious. My nails are already painted though so I think I will probably be clocked as a gay or effeminate man. I'm ok with that.

I will change into full female clothing and makeup after I board the ship.

Wish me luck. I'm a bundle of nerves. 

Good luck getting the through cruise security.

Marion

Have fun, Jillian!

I do a much sadder version of this every year. I take time off at christmas time and I live that entire time as Tammy. I don't go out I just make sure I have every thing I need for that period and I let me self just be Tammy for the entire time.

I think its great your wife is trying and that says a lot for how wonderful your relationship is.

Have a nice Cruise!
🙂

Edit: Yes, I'm a bit envious.

The trip has gotten off to a great start. Our seats were upgraded for free when flying to LA (I bought basic seats and we were automatically allocated to premium economy seats). Car hire - they gave an upgrade because the basic cars were unavailable.

Cruise has been good - no negative interactions and my wife has been amazing. She's reminding me regularly that it's hard for her, so I'm being sure to let her know how much gratitude I have for her trying. I finally can see a light at the end of the tunnel. No guarantees but there's hope.

Tonight is formal gala night on the cruise. I told her I will change into men's clothes this evening for that. I know how much she loves elegant night and I want her to have times where she can also just enjoy herself with me. It's early days in this journey so no rush.

Thank you to all of you for your words of encouragement. You are such an amazing group.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 22, 2026, 07:59:10 AMCruise has been good - no negative interactions and my wife has been amazing. She's reminding me regularly that it's hard for her, so I'm being sure to let her know how much gratitude I have for her trying. I finally can see a light at the end of the tunnel. No guarantees but there's hope.

Sounds great!

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 22, 2026, 07:59:10 AMTonight is formal gala night on the cruise. I told her I will change into men's clothes this evening for that. I know how much she loves elegant night and I want her to have times where she can also just enjoy herself with me. It's early days in this journey so no rush.

Jillian, that is what a considerate spouse does - understand, adjust and care for their SO. Doesn't matter if you are cis or trans, understanding, adjustment and care is universal.


Enjoy! 💕

Jillian, I'm glad you are having a good time.

I'm happy that your wife is accepting you and it sounds like you are doing a good job trying to keep her happy

A quick update on how things are progressing.
- my wife has been very good about things so far. I'm not wanting to paint a picture of everything being perfect but overall her attitude and actions have exceeded my expectations. She's alway been more of a "tolerate" than an "accept" person on me being trans. This trip she's gone the extra mile for me. I'm very grateful.
- I've stopped wearing my human hair wig because after a few days of constant wearing, the long hair against my neck caused a huge rash in the sides of my neck. Weird I know and very unexpected. So I ditched the wig but have continued to present as a woman (nothing over the top). Some people have used female pronouns while others have used male. I'm just going with the flow.
- passengers have generally been good. I get some double takes and I've only had one small incident that could be considered negative. A drunk guy at the bar with a group of friends made a loud comment about me being a guy wearing a wig (this was before I stopped wearing the wig). I ignored him and moved to the opposite side of the bar. His wife or girlfriend appeared to "shush" him and she gave me an embarrassed shrug of apology. My wife actually never realized it happened because she was on the other side of bar ordering drinks at the time. I didn't even mention it to her because she's still trying to come to terms with me being trans and us out in public. I wasn't going to make her worry or stress more.
- staff and crew continue to be awesome and so kind.

We have 3 nights left and I am continuing to enjoy the trip even though I do find it rather tiring and emotionally draining. It's weird because I desperately want to do this but also find it stressful.

What warmed my heart today was our port stop at Catalina Island. We walked around the town and I am presenting as a woman - nothing over the top but it's short denim shorts, pink flower flip flops, bright finger nails, jewelry and light make up... and my wife wanted to hold hands while walking. That warmed my heart.

Another random positive was at breakfast on the ship. The guy at the next table was a complete redneck cowboy type. He overheard our chat with the waiter that we are from Toronto. He makes a comment that our hockey team sucks! I thankfully realized that he was literally just doing a sports jab and nothing about how I looked. I engaged him and we had a good friendly chat. Not once did he seem weird about how I was dressed. I was literally shocked. I kept expecting him and his dad to shift the conversation to me being trans. Nope. We chatted about sports, politics and the economy. Some discussions around US and Canadian trade tensions. That was it.
There is hope for the world!

Thank you for these updates! I really enjoy reading along with your journey and am so glad it's bringing you joy.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 25, 2026, 06:56:27 PMWe have 3 nights left and I am continuing to enjoy the trip even though I do find it rather tiring and emotionally draining. It's weird because I desperately want to do this but also find it stressful.

Of course it's draining! So many extra things to keep in mind when you're (finally) executing these changes. How do you look, how do you move, how is your wife feeling, how will people react, etc. etc. etc. I'm already getting tired just thinking about it haha! I really hope you have some time to recover when you're back home, because I wish you all the enjoyment you can get on this trip.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 26, 2026, 08:06:21 PMand my wife wanted to hold hands while walking. That warmed my heart.

That made me smile just reading that. You two are going to be okay.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 26, 2026, 08:06:21 PMNot once did he seem weird about how I was dressed. I was literally shocked. I kept expecting him and his dad to shift the conversation to me being trans. Nope. We chatted about sports, politics and the economy. Some discussions around US and Canadian trade tensions. That was it.
There is hope for the world!

And you did something here that you may not have realized. You showed them that it doesn't matter how you look. You can still relate to them on their level and have an enjoyable conversation. If that person had never met anyone transgender before, he could very well start thinking that maybe we really are just regular people, living our lives, enjoying cruises, and discussing sports and politics WITHOUT FIGHTING.

Good job. And I am so happy you had good experiences from this.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 26, 2026, 08:06:21 PMand my wife wanted to hold hands while walking. That warmed my heart.

💕

Another very positive update that I would like to share. Two nights ago we had dinner in the formal main dining room. Seated at the next table was a husband and wife couple. I was wearing a denim skirt and a frilly white blouse. My makeup was done nicely for the evening. No wig but my hair was blow dried nicely.

I immediately notice the woman at the next table staring at me. So does my wife notice. My wife mentions it to me and says the woman is whispering to her husband and gesturing towards me. I tell my wife to ignore her and we can just enjoy our dinner. I tried to downplay things just to ensure my wife remains comfortable. I act like nothing is wrong and try to tune the lady out. But it felt like she stared  at me for over an hour at dinner. They finished up before us and my wife and I both debriefed after they left. We assumed the lady is likely a conservative Bible Belt State person and very anti trans. Case closed.

It gets interesting last night when we are at one of the bars and the same lady comes over to us. She opens with "hello, I was seated next to both of you last night at dinner and need to tell you something..." and I'm thinking this is going to get real awkward real quick. She proceeds to first compliment my wife on how pretty she is and how nicely dressed she is. (This by the way is nothing new - I don't want to sound like I'm bragging but my wife gets what literally feels like a couple hundred compliments each cruise we go on. She's extremely pretty - people call her a real life Barbie doll and she dresses to the nines. So I wasn't surprised by the compliment to her from the lady despite her staring me down the night before).

The shocker was when she turns to me and says, "but to you have to say something..."

She then proceeds to apologize for staring too much at me but said she couldn't help herself. She said the reason she was staring so much was because of how beautiful I was and the way I had done my hair and makeup so she couldn't take her eyes off me - but not in a sexual way. She mentioned some country music woman that she said I'm the image of and she's a fan of hers and she thought I look like her! So that's why she was staring so much.  She proceeded to gush more and more. She gave us a hug and walked off. Just shows you never to judge a person by how they look because she really did look like that conservative Southern State woman.

That's amazing! I love hearing stories like that. I have a general distrust of strangers so this makes my think there might be good people left in the world, I am still highly skeptical but you moved the needle 1%.

Now that is an emotional high! Just fantastic, for you and for your wife.
🥰

Quote from: tammy753 on August 27, 2026, 02:02:25 PMThat's amazing! I love hearing stories like that. I have a general distrust of strangers so this makes my think there might be good people left in the world, I am still highly skeptical but you moved the needle 1%.

I feel the same way and when I read social media threads on the trans topic it can be very disturbing. It seems like there are so many bigots and transphobes out there. But my real life "in person" experiences (although being a small sample) has generally been positive. And I've had a couple of very surprising "curve ball" moments on this trip like the conservative cowboy type guy at breakfast and then the lady at the opposite table at dinner.
I also realize that I need to learn how women communicate because I felt uncomfortable when the lady was commenting on me being beautiful. I know that's how women compliment one another but it's all so very new to me.

Babes steps for me.

Way to go Jillian.

I'm so happy for you. All the nerves before going, the treading lightly for your wifes sake and you are rewarded with something beautiful like this.

What did your wife say after such a wonderful interaction?

Quote from: Petunia on August 27, 2026, 03:40:55 PMWay to go Jillian.

I'm so happy for you. All the nerves before going, the treading lightly for your wifes sake and you are rewarded with something beautiful like this.

What did your wife say after such a wonderful interaction?

My wife was as pleasantly surprised as I was. She said to me that it shows how we must try not to assume we know what someone else is thinking (she was thoroughly convinced the lady was taking negative and so was I).

I think my wife was also trying to process having another woman telling me that I looked beautiful right in front of her (in a girl to girl plutonic manner). It is a scenario neither of us anticipated but she handled it very well. Same when staff have referred to me with female pronouns. Overall she has handled it well.

This trip has been a huge learning experience for both of us. My wife is very straight and not into women. She also very attractive so she has guys swarming around her everywhere we go (it's actually quite amusing to me). So us as a couple we are attracting a lot of second looks. What's cute is that more than once she has given me a quick kiss on the lips in public. That's her way of saying she's ok with me. Never in a million years did I think that would happen.

She said to me today that this trip has removed a lot of her fears of losing me (the person she married). She was afraid that I would become a stranger to her. She has indicated that after a week being around me as a woman, she now sees that I'm still the same person she loves. That is the biggest barrier we have started to break down. She's realizing that if a transition she won't be married to a stranger. We still have a long way to go but we've made huge progress. I just have to remind myself to be very patient.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 27, 2026, 04:51:42 PMShe was afraid that I would become a stranger to her. She has indicated that after a week being around me as a woman, she now sees that I'm still the same person she loves.

That is HUGE!

It is one of the biggest obstacles that couples face. Once they realize that not only are you the same person, but a better version of you, then everything starts to click.

You are on your way. I am so happy for you!'

Quote from: Jillian-TG on August 27, 2026, 04:51:42 PMShe has indicated that after a week being around me as a woman, she now sees that I'm still the same person she loves. That is the biggest barrier we have started to break down. She's realizing that if a transition she won't be married to a stranger

A small step for mankind, one giant leap for you. 💕

I really love hearing/reading positive stories like yours.

Thank you for sharing
💞

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 27, 2026, 06:07:52 PMThat is HUGE!

It is one of the biggest obstacles that couples face. Once they realize that not only are you the same person, but a better version of you, then everything starts to click.

You are on your way. I am so happy for you!'

Yes it's definitely progress but I'm also under no illusion that we've "arrived" and everything will unfold perfectly. What is for sure is that the trip was a success overall and was generally positive. We've broken many barriers. But we still have a very long road to travel after 30 years of marriage. It's one thing for me to present as a woman for a week while on vacation versus me actually transitioning to a woman on a full-time basis. I have to be very patient on that and not pressure her to be ok for me to fully come out to everyone. I'm hoping over the next year we can evolve to that stage. Time tells all.

Quote from: Petunia on August 28, 2026, 03:21:34 AMI really love hearing/reading positive stories like yours.

Thank you for sharing
💞

I must admit that I am relieved that it's good news stories instead of a disaster. There was so much risk going into this trip and because my wife has been reluctant and legit concerned about me wanting to transition. All very valid and normal responses from her. As she said - when she married me 30 years ago she was not signing up for being married to a trans woman. And she is concerned about losing the person she knows. Her big concern was being with a new person who is a stranger.

I'm glad we've gotten past that fear but there's still a long road ahead. We will just take things slowly and let it evolve organically.