Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok I think it's time for me to do my blog thread so there's a single page with some continuity.

First let me explain the Jillian versus Julie name. I adopted the name of Jillian (or Jill for short) decades ago. It's very similar to my male name. But my wife has recently developed a bit of a pet name for me and she calls me Julie. It's starting to grow on me.
So call me Jillian or Julie.
If I ever have to legally change my name it will be a tough choice but I would land on Julie out of respect for my amazing wife.

I will start with a few paragraphs on my background just for context for any new reader and then I will fast forward to the present. I will then use a date for each subsequent update.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION
I was born a boy in the early 1970s. Raised in a fairly normal / standard / regular family. Nothing out of the ordinary. By the age of 5 when my mom took me to the clothing store to buy my first school uniform I remember looking at the girls uniforms and wishing I could get a dress. I also knew it was "wrong" so I never divulged anything to my parents. I was terrified for anyone to know that I wanted to be a girl. I remember my mom had a best friend and her daughter was my age. We hung out together a lot. The girl took ballet lessons and I yearned to also do ballet (but like a girl) but once again I repressed the feelings and covered it up. I protested when they asked if I actually wanted to do ballet.
My childhood and teenage years involved sneaking into my mom's closet and trying on clothing. Later I bought my own things and hid them. I was always afraid my parents would find my stash. They never did.

By my 20s I just assumed I was a cross dresser. That's the reality I understood: that boys who wore girls clothes were cross dressing. So that's the label I accepted for myself. Being transgender was a foreign topic to me.

I met my future wife. She was a bombshell of a woman. You could put her in a stadium crowd and ask all the men to select one woman and she would without doubt be the winner. She was that attractive. And she dressed to the nines too. Short skirts, high heels and perfect makeup. I was smitten and I fell in love hard and fast. And she loved me back. I shared some of my secrets with her about me dressing as a girl in private. She thought it was a kink that it would go away. We married and raised a family. My kink never went away. I became more and more feminine over the years. She became more and more uncomfortable with my feminine side. She said she wants a manly man.

Fast forward 30 years of marriage. Ups and downs including 2 separations (each one lasting a year and each about 10 years apart). Somehow we kept coming back to each other because of a very strong connection. We are like soul mates and have been best friends for over 30 years.

Recently, as I've been better understanding myself I've come to terms that I am transgender. I've known my entire life that I want to live as a woman but my inner tug of war prevented me from being honest with myself. Lots of repression and anger over my adult life. But as I came to terms with myself the past few years I've found an inner peace. Especially from a Christian perspective. I felt so condemned for so long until I understood grace and God's love.

It's been scary to tell my wife that I don't have a kink for women's clothing. I told her that I am transgender. I told her that I would like to come out of the closet and present regularly as a woman. I told her that I'm tired of pretending to be a man because I don't want to be a man anymore.

We've had some VERY hard conversations the past year or so. Some conversations left me in tears and I thought we were done. But again my wife and I kept coming back to each other. We realized we have to make this work. We can't live without each other.

CURRENT INFORMATION
Recently we went on a cruise together and I presented as a woman 24/7. It was our test to see how it would feel between us if I was living as a woman. Shockingly, and against all my realistic expectations, my wife and I had an amazing trip. We laughed and had so much fun together. We reconnected like never before. She said she was so worried that I would be like a stranger to her if I was presenting as a woman and I would be a totally different person around her. She said she feared losing her husband and her life partner. She was fearing a huge loss and sadness. Instead we were like two peas in a pod the whole week. It felt normal and not forced.

The previous paragraph might sound like we've arrived and our problem is solved. But no. We understand that it's one thing to be happy on vacation but another thing to do it it real life on a day to day basis. Me coming out the closet as a trans woman will turn our lives upside down. We have kids. I have a corporate career. And then there is the church... My wife is a born again Christian and me being trans runs against her Pentecostal believes. Yet she's said she has seen my true heart and said this can't be a sin. She sees who I am. But she has said she doesn't know how to navigate the church situation. So we are taking things slowly.

Going forward I will add a date for updates. Here is the first one.

Saturday August 29th 2026
We discussed me being trans and me coming out of the closet. We discussed our recent trip and how we broke barriers and how the trip relieved my wife's fears of me becoming a different person and a stranger.
We discussed a phased approach to me coming out. Yesterday we agreed that I will first come out to the kids so I can drop the male veneer at home. We have 3 boys who are now young adults so we are no longer worried about the lack of a male role model anymore. They are grown up. It's going to be ok if I present more feminine at home around them.

My wife asked me not to dress "over the top" at home and to make an effort not shock the kids. So I will start by wearing girls shorts instead of skirts, girls t-shirts instead of blouses, girly flip flops and sneakers instead of heels. Subtle nail polish instead of bright colours or fake nails. And I'm ok with that because 99% of women are not getting all dolled up at home anyways. I'm more than ok being a relaxed lady at home.

The plan is for us to take another cruise in November as girlfriends (we spent the weekend already picking outfits) and I will update and "come out" to the boys via text when we are on vacation. That step via text message on our WhatsApp family chat channel will ensure I can choose the message carefully and they will have time to digest the news slowly. We will then have a family dinner and chat when we get home after the cruise.

So it's official - in November I will start the first step of coming out as trans. I can't believe that I have my wife's support on this.  It's taken 30 years to get here. We agreed that we will take it slowly and figure out things as they unfold.
So the initial coming out will include growing my hair over the next few years, and getting my ears pieced. I will add some colour to my nails and other feminine grooming. All baby steps. I will wear more women's clothes at home or running errands around town.

The following phases will have to cover
- my work environment and/ or
- church. I'm open to the idea of changing churches to a more affirming denomination but my wife is hesitant because she loves the one we go to. I will give her lots of time on that one, and/or
- Broader social circle (friends, family, social media etc)
I'm thinking future phases are going to be starting next year. I have no idea on the sequence. One day at a time for now and the main focus is November.

@Jillian-TG
Dear Jillian:
It is always wonderful for me to see our members start their own member Blog Thread on the Forum.
I eagerly look forward to following your journey along with your other readers and followers
when you feel comfortable sharing.

I am so very happy to see that you have started your very own Blog thread here on the Forum.

You can consider your Blog thread as your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and
followers can  find you to leave their comments and to share with you. 

Also your Blog thread is your shared personal journal that you can use to write down your thoughts
and comments as you navigate your journey and life endeavors.

I have some older Blog threads here from several years ago that I still go back to
read what I had shared...  great memories of my trials and tribulations as I documented
my own journey. 

I also keep a personal "old school" pen & paper journey for my eyes only... complete with
colorful doodling and snapshot pictures. 
On a cold and rainy night I can be found in my comfy chair in front of my warm fireplace
reading over some of my past writings... sometimes with tears in my eyes and sometimes
with a smile on my face.

As you feel free to share your story you can find comfort in knowing that when you
share your heartache, trials, difficulties and unpleasant experiences that test your
resilience and strength... that you will have like-minded members and friends here that
will be at your side to offer their shoulders for you to lean on and their ears to listen.
On the other hand, when you share your successes, accomplishments,and happy moments we will
rejoice with you and help you to celebrate those good times in your journey.

I look forward to following your "Journey of Jillian and Julie" Blog thread and I also am
eagerly looking for your future postings around the various threads on the Forum.

My warmest HUGS ... and happy Blogging and Journaling
                              ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl] 
The Forum Administrator             My direct Email:  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Congrats and welcome to the Member Blogs!

Looking forward to your updates.

Thanks for telling and What a difference a cruise can make! There's light at the end of the tunnel.
💕

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on August 30, 2026, 09:56:42 PM@Jillian-TG
Dear Jillian:
It is always wonderful for me to see our members start their own member Blog Thread on the Forum.
I eagerly look forward to following your journey along with your other readers and followers
when you feel comfortable sharing.

I am so very happy to see that you have started your very own Blog thread here on the Forum.

You can consider your Blog thread as your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and
followers can  find you to leave their comments and to share with you. 

Also your Blog thread is your shared personal journal that you can use to write down your thoughts
and comments as you navigate your journey and life endeavors.

I have some older Blog threads here from several years ago that I still go back to
read what I had shared...  great memories of my trials and tribulations as I documented
my own journey. 

I also keep a personal "old school" pen & paper journey for my eyes only... complete with
colorful doodling and snapshot pictures. 
On a cold and rainy night I can be found in my comfy chair in front of my warm fireplace
reading over some of my past writings... sometimes with tears in my eyes and sometimes
with a smile on my face.

As you feel free to share your story you can find comfort in knowing that when you
share your heartache, trials, difficulties and unpleasant experiences that test your
resilience and strength... that you will have like-minded members and friends here that
will be at your side to offer their shoulders for you to lean on and their ears to listen.
On the other hand, when you share your successes, accomplishments,and happy moments we will
rejoice with you and help you to celebrate those good times in your journey.

I look forward to following your "Journey of Jillian and Julie" Blog thread and I also am
eagerly looking for your future postings around the various threads on the Forum.

My warmest HUGS ... and happy Blogging and Journaling
                              ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator             My direct Email:  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Thank you Danielle - yes it must feel really good to come back to your old writings on your blog from years ago to see the achievements and milestones past (and passed!)

I am so happy for you Julie.
I look forward to reading about where your journey goes.

It sounds like she loves you and wants you to be happy. I have never been in a relationship and didn't think anyone would ever accept me. It sounds like your wife is coming around and is really trying to make it work.

Quote from: tammy753 on August 31, 2026, 06:07:10 PMIt sounds like she loves you and wants you to be happy. I have never been in a relationship and didn't think anyone would ever accept me. It sounds like your wife is coming around and is really trying to make it work.

Tammy what I've realized in life is that with literally billions of people in the world there is going to be a huge variance in people's preferences. There are people out there who would love you for who you are. The challenge is to find them. But the very first step in finding love is within. You have to love yourself first before you can feel ready to be loved. It's harder to attract love if you believe you can't be loved.

Friday September 4th - post retirement discussions.

For the past couple of years I've been trying to figure out the next steps in retirement planning. I'm about 4-5 years away from early retirement with a goal to retire before age 60. I know I need to have a career 2.0 after retirement because I get bored too easily. After a lot of research and planning I figured I would combine my newfound love of cruising with the idea of becoming a travel agent.

I won't say too much about the travel agency here otherwise it will come across as an underhanded business advertisement. But in summary the thinking is to ramp up that business after retirement and to have an online cruise YouTube channel (doing ship reviews and news). The twist? I want to focus on the LGBTQ market and especially transgender travellers. I want to run the business as a business woman. I've mentioned that to my wife several times the past year and she's never been warm to the idea.

Today? She's warmed up! We've been talking about the future business. We've been talking about being boss girls running it.

I was shocked how well she handled our recent girls trip and now I'm shocked that she's warming to the idea of running a LGBTQ focused travel agency.

And then she told me today that she told a family friend about our girls trip and the family friend was very supportive.

That is great news, Jillian.

And I like that you are planning a venture based on firsthand experience and that you will have your Co-Boss Girl by your side. That is an awesome idea.

Jillian,,,Your cruise pictures were great pics of you and your wife, and I did notice that she is very nice looking lady.   When you were out on the ship and around other patrons did your wife wear her wedding rings ?

Quote from: she she on September 05, 2026, 01:52:22 AMJillian,,,Your cruise pictures were great pics of you and your wife, and I did notice that she is very nice looking lady.   When you were out on the ship and around other patrons did your wife wear her wedding rings ?

Yes we had our wedding rings on.
I have zero judgement for couples who like to play with others and have an open arrangement but that's not us. We aren't looking for anyone else so the the wedding rings stay on.

Saturday September 5th - family sharing

I'm going to steal a line used by the younger generation. I am "shook" by what happened today. I'm shook - but in a very good way.

My wife shared some of the cruise pictures of the two of us with her family - she shared it with her sister, brother and a few nieces. For anyone who hasn't been following my recent posts - the recent trip was a girl's cruise so the pictures of me is me presenting as a woman.

My wife is very close to her sister and shared everything about the trip. My sister in law was very complimentary and said some very nice things about me. She said that if anyone has an issue with me then it's their loss because I'm a very good person.

Everyone from my wife's family were supportive. My wife's family all live in another country so her niece's were pleading today to bring me with when my wife visits there next year. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction. It's a big milestone because my wife is super close to her family despite them living half way across the globe. She chats with them daily on a WhatsApp group and she visits every year. So getting their support is massive in my mind because my wife has been lukewarm (at best) the past 30 years. I'm so happy that she seems to have "turned the corner" in how she views me. She finally seems to see that I am trans and this isn't some cross dressing kink. I could see that she figured that out on our recent trip.

I'm still aware that we have a long road ahead of us but today was a milestone day. I'm super grateful that my wife made the effort to share it with her family. That speaks volumes to me. So today was a good day.

I also finished my face laser treatment package today and most of my facial hair is gone. I may have to do one or two more touch ups over the next few months but it's so nice to no longer have much facial hair. I do have some grey ones that will need a few electrolysis sessions. I need to start looking for a salon for that. I'm also thinking about doing my under arms with laser.

Sounds very positive!  Nice to hear!


Chrissy

On the topic of facial hair removal with laser. It's amazing how stubborn the upper lip and chin area has been. About 15 years ago I did 6 sessions that worked amazing on my cheeks and sides of my neck. Upper lip and chin didn't respond half as good. This past 6 months I did it again. Another 6 treatments. I have zero facial hair on my cheeks and neck. Bottom of my chin is almost entirely clear too. But I think the upper lip and lower lip areas might need a few more zaps. That's after a total of 12 sessions!

I also have an at home laser type system that cost me about $300. Works wonders on my arms but has little impact elsewhere if the hair is thick and coarse. It's weird how different parts of my body has responded to laser hair removal.

I will need electrolysis to get rid of the grey hairs on my lip and chin areas. Fortunately none on my cheeks. I'm estimating maybe a total of 150 to 200 hairs. No idea how many sessions will be needed for electrolysis.

Great news about the family, Jillian. Perhaps a cruise to visit the family next year?

Facial hair can be quite stubborn, especially around the mouth. Even after zapping them, the skin eventually grows new follicles and hair. But it takes longer for that to happen. I have heard that it can take a year for total removal.

I also know a couple of ladies who have had years of electrolysis and still go back for touch-ups.

Hormones and IPL seemed to have taken care of my legs and armpits.
 

Quote from: Jillian-TG on September 05, 2026, 04:31:30 PMEveryone from my wife's family were supportive. My wife's family all live in another country so her niece's were pleading today to bring me with when my wife visits there next year. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction.

So very nice for you, to get such a warm and welcoming reaction.
💕

That upper lip hair is the worst. I'm about 10 sessions and it wont go! Also some coming back at corners of the mouth and chin. Does seem to take a lot of work unfortunately 😕

Quote from: Charlotte Kitty on September 06, 2026, 07:43:56 AMThat upper lip hair is the worst. I'm about 10 sessions and it wont go! Also some coming back at corners of the mouth and chin. Does seem to take a lot of work unfortunately 😕

And that upper lip is PAINFUL. Wowzers.

Sunday September 6th - ball gown

I got my first ball gown and it is beautiful.

Background story and context first.
My wife loves to go to the Thrift stores and hunt for bargains. Often she will find amazing outfits including expensive ball gowns. She then buys some of them for resale.

Over the weekend she told me that she bought a ball gown a few months ago that she was planning to take overseas next year when she goes to visit her family when she was planning to sell it for a few hundred dollars. She said she thinks it's a perfect size for me and something I could wear in November on formal night on our first cruise on Princess Cruises which is a more formal cruise line.

I tried on the dress and it felt amazing. It's black with sequins and just perfect. A real Cinderella dress.

I repaid her what she purchased it for so now I have my first ball gown. It's very sweet gesture from my wife because (a) it's a legit princes dress that she suggested and (b) she's giving up a few hundred dollars by offering it to me.

I never thought of it being a "first" until my wife mentioned that it's my first ball gown. I can't wait to wear it.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on September 07, 2026, 06:17:19 AMShe said she thinks it's a perfect size for me and something I could wear in November on formal night on our first cruise on Princess Cruises which is a more formal cruise line.

Jillian, everything you wrote is so nice, but what stands out to me is the text I quoted. Your wife is really embracing your journey, and it must be so truly relieving and fantastic for both of you.
💕

Quote from: Finally Anna on September 07, 2026, 06:39:21 AMJillian, everything you wrote is so nice, but what stands out to me is the text I quoted. Your wife is really embracing your journey, and it must be so truly relieving and fantastic for both of you.
💕

Thank you. Yes things have definitely progressed in a positive direction. I can't describe how difficult the journey has been the past 30 years with many low points where it seemed impossible that we would ever be on the same page. I will admit that because we've had many "relapses" where she has reversed things, it does make me cautious about the future. So I take it a day at a time and try not to get my hopes too high.

Despite all the recent progress, I'm very afraid that she will get cold feet again and change her mind. That why I've said we still have a long road ahead of us.

I received an "interesting" random message on my Facebook profile (it's one I use as Jillian / Julie). I'm open about myself there, the same as I'm open on this discussion forum. I will copy and paste the message below where someone was strongly objecting to me considering myself as transgender and that I should consider myself a cross dresser. But for me it's NOT just about the clothing and "getting dressed up" but rather my gender identity and how I want to live my life on a day to day basis. The primary reason I haven't come out fully (yet!) is out of respect for my wife and my desire to protect and preserve our marriage and family unit. I'm not just playing dress up. But I'm curious about how the rest of you feel about someone like me who has not yet started any HRT and I haven't had any surgery. If you asked me would I like to use HRT and do surgical interventions then yes, but it's a challenge right now for personal reasons. All of my decisions are a trade off because I'm married and I love my wife dearly. And we are trying slowly to find a middle ground.

Here is what the person messaged to me:

Honey your a crossdresser. Not trans. You actually have to be prescribed hormones. To start transtioning. Theirs no im trans and figuring it out. Your a crossdresser like the rest of us. Just to accept it. Anything else is clawing for attention!! You have to do more than grow your hair out. And someone do your makeup. This crap is getting old!!  Dont claim something your not. Have you developed breast from hormones. No. Have you got stretch marks from the hormones you take no. Is your skin soft. Is your chest sore. Do you have scars from surgery. No you dont. Your a crossdresser plain and simple!!! You have not been threw the struggles and trials it takes to be trans. So please label your self correctly!!!

Tell them to worry about labelling themselves and to leave your labels to you.

I think it is a complicated personal decision for you to decide.

I have enough confidence to socialize at a popular beach in a hot pink bikini without HRT or surgeries.
I'll also use the ladies room at a nearby seafood shack wearing a T-shirt that doesn't really hide my bikini.

Marion

They have no idea what Gender Identity means. Very often, the ones who scream the loudest clearly show their ignorance.

Gender identity is one's intimate, internal understanding of self as female, male, both, neither, or anywhere along the gender continuum. This sense of self—distinct from the sex assigned at birth—includes a broad array of identities and is a deeply personal facet of each individual's life.

Journeys vary. Some people experience a consistent, lifelong identification with a particular gender. Others may experience shifts over time, reflecting the naturally fluid ways identity can develop. However it unfolds, each person's experience is valid.

https://www.susans.org/index.php?topic=247148.msg2262144#msg2262144

A Deadhead. Ignore and carry on.

Who knows if Jillian is trans? Jillian!
I'm less out than you and I know I'm trans. Would I want the whole kit? Yes. Will I get the whole kit? Most likely not, for the same reasons as you.

The more I think about it, one cannot use evidence of medical intervention as the criteria of being trans because one should only be prescribed to do HRT or surgery AFTER you are diagnosed as transgender. That person seems to think that without having already done medical intervention you cannot be trans. That would be an unsolvable circular problem if you need a medical diagnosis as being trans in order to get HRT or surgery.

It's definitely a hot topic these days on what the definitions and boundaries are.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on September 27, 2026, 11:39:25 AMThe more I think about it, one cannot use evidence of medical intervention as the criteria of being trans because one should only be prescribed to do HRT or surgery AFTER you are diagnosed as transgender.

Once upon a time, transsexual referred to someone who had surgery. Transgender implied pre-op. As we evolve, transsexual has been deprecated, and transgender has become the inclusive term.

Many transgender people start out cross-dressing. They later feel that it doesn't help enough with their dysphoria, and many then become diagnosed as transgender. So here we do not differentiate between one or the other.

Generally speaking, cross-dressing without gender dysphoria is for sexual arousal. Transgender people do it because it makes them feel normal. But as I said, many who start cross-dressing later realize that it is far more than just a phase or fetish. All are welcome here.

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 27, 2026, 11:58:39 AMOnce upon a time, transsexual referred to someone who had surgery. Transgender implied pre-op. As we evolve, transsexual has been deprecated, and transgender has become the inclusive term.

Many transgender people start out cross-dressing. They later feel that it doesn't help enough with their dysphoria, and many then become diagnosed as transgender. So here we do not differentiate between one or the other.

Generally speaking, cross-dressing without gender dysphoria is for sexual arousal. Transgender people do it because it makes them feel normal. But as I said, many who start cross-dressing later realize that it is far more than just a phase or fetish. All are welcome here.

Thank you. What you said makes a lot of sense.

In my case it is far easier to socialize presenting female.

Marion

Jillian, we are in very similar situations. You are the only one who can judge where you sit.

External forces will shape where we go.

For now I'm trying to avoid labels and that being the case, nobody else can accurately label me.

When I read about the current definitions of transgender I certainly tick most of the boxes.

But for my wifes sake and our marriages sake I won't be going around labelling myself like that to our friends. At least for now

Having exact definitions for things that are not exact and with clear borders, has never worked well. Unfortunately it is a bit of a thing today, to label and define even when there is a greyscale.
🥰

Got a nice surprise yesterday when my wife got me a ladies watch to wear on our cruise in November. It's nothing fancy at all - it's from Temu so basically the quality that will last a short while and get thrown out, but it's the thought that counts. To me that's better than a $10,000 watch.

Quote from: Jillian-TG on September 29, 2026, 05:54:36 AMGot a nice surprise yesterday when my wife got me a ladies watch to wear on our cruise in November. It's nothing fancy at all - it's from Temu so basically the quality that will last a short while and get thrown out, but it's the thought that counts. To me that's better than a $10,000 watch.

That is so sweet. I have one that doesn't work anymore, but I wear it like jewelry. If I need to know the time, I look at my phone.

Hi Lori

You said:

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 29, 2026, 09:35:22 AMThat is so sweet. I have one that doesn't work anymore, but I wear it like jewelry. If I need to know the time, I look at my phone.

Cheater!!  You are supposed to look at the Sun in the sky just like me.

😂🤣

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee

Quote from: Sarah B on October 02, 2026, 04:45:20 PMHi Lori

You said:

Cheater!!  You are supposed to look at the Sun in the sky just like me.

😂🤣

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lori Dee

I keep a wind-up analog watch in my Survival Kit for just that purpose.
😁

Hi Jillian

Let me start out by telling you how much I really appreciated reading your blog story.  Especially where your wife has over time come to accept you for who you really are.  From what you have said you both are really soul mates.

Now for a few thoughts on some of the things you have written about.

In terms of what your name could finally be, then I think Jillian Julie [Surname], or Julie Jillian [Surname] the other way around, could be a lovely solution to your name change dilemma.  And of course, socially you could simply be known as JJ!!

I know the feeling of acceptance as you may know my family totally accepts me unconditionally.  I left my family never telling them what I was going to do, but my uncle under pressure told my mum and as a result the cat was out of the bag.

In regards to those facial hairs.  I initially started off waxing my face and continued to do so until my face was clear and starting at the same I started thermolysis then it progressed to galvanic with 16 needles, yes that's right 16 needles.

So in your case of 200 pesky hairs left, let's say there are 320, that means 20 lots of insertions and this takes an hour to do at $100 dollars.  Then let's say five sessions total for a total of $500 dollars.  A woman of your means and persistence will have this in the bag.  You would be hair free.  Unlikely!  I still have one or two left.  After 40 years.

In traditional Chinese culture, having grey or white hair in old age is often viewed positively as a sign of wisdom, longevity and health.  I can live with that.  The funny thing is my mum had several hairs like that on her chin and watching her pluck them out was priceless.

As for that nasty message on Facebook, my first instinct would be to ban, block or ghost them.  However, it is always nice to know who you are up against.

No you are not a crossdresser, well in my eyes you are not.  I used to wear female clothing before I changed my life around and when I did, I knew or said to myself "this feels right" and yet I knew somewhat it was frowned upon in society at the time, think 1980s.

I also do not agree that cross dressing without dysphoria is generally some sort of sexual fetish.  For me it certainly was not and I know I am not alone in that.

You are also right, it's not about dressing, it has never been and never will be about dressing in the preferred clothes we like.  It's about you being you, it's about me being me and it's about others being themselves.  So in regards to the message this Facebook user posted, "mind your own business".  This is your journey and how you go about it, with your wife's input, is up to you and only you.  You do whatever makes you and your wife comfortable.

How you label yourself is up to you and I'm going to repeat myself here, how you progress on your journey is also up to you.  For a little clarity, I do not associate with the trans anything.  To me the word "trans" is like having your forehead branded with that word.  Those words were not around in my world when I changed my life around and today I simply do not relate to them.  I live in a binary world.  I'm female first and foremost.  I don't need to express my gender, it's given.

I think people can get too caught up in labels and trying to put everyone into a box.  Some people cannot take HRT, some cannot have surgery, some cannot afford the surgeries and some simply do not want either.  None of that changes how you see yourself or how you choose to live your life.  If you see yourself as female then how you live your life as a female is really up to you.

Transgender is also just a label and from my perspective, I don't like the label transgender.  If it suits you then use it.  If it does not then don't.  Nobody else should be deciding what label you have to wear.

Having exact definitions for things that are not exact has never worked very well.  Psychologists, doctors and others tend to use boxes and categories because it gives them some idea of how they think they should deal with you.  The trouble is real people don't always fit neatly into those boxes. Real life is really not that simple and never will be.

Take care and all the best for the future JJ!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Jillian-TG

Julie, I just went back up to the start of this topic.

All the posts about your wife and family are so affirming and positive.

Further down some random on the internet has interferred with your thoughts.

All that matters to you is you, your gorgeous wife, the acceptance coming from her family.

You are such a lucky person to be in that position

Cherish the people around you and the rest doesn't matter.

Life is too short to dwell on negative people.

Quote from: Sarah B on October 02, 2026, 08:49:29 PMHi Jillian

Let me start out by telling you how much I really appreciated reading your blog story.  Especially where your wife has over time come to accept you for who you really are.  From what you have said you both are really soul mates.

Now for a few thoughts on some of the things you have written about.

In terms of what your name could finally be, then I think Jillian Julie [Surname], or Julie Jillian [Surname] the other way around, could be a lovely solution to your name change dilemma.  And of course, socially you could simply be known as JJ!!

I know the feeling of acceptance as you may know my family totally accepts me unconditionally.  I left my family never telling them what I was going to do, but my uncle under pressure told my mum and as a result the cat was out of the bag.

In regards to those facial hairs.  I initially started off waxing my face and continued to do so until my face was clear and starting at the same I started thermolysis then it progressed to galvanic with 16 needles, yes that's right 16 needles.

So in your case of 200 pesky hairs left, let's say there are 320, that means 20 lots of insertions and this takes an hour to do at $100 dollars.  Then let's say five sessions total for a total of $500 dollars.  A woman of your means and persistence will have this in the bag.  You would be hair free.  Unlikely!  I still have one or two left.  After 40 years.

In traditional Chinese culture, having grey or white hair in old age is often viewed positively as a sign of wisdom, longevity and health.  I can live with that.  The funny thing is my mum had several hairs like that on her chin and watching her pluck them out was priceless.

As for that nasty message on Facebook, my first instinct would be to ban, block or ghost them.  However, it is always nice to know who you are up against.

No you are not a crossdresser, well in my eyes you are not.  I used to wear female clothing before I changed my life around and when I did, I knew or said to myself "this feels right" and yet I knew somewhat it was frowned upon in society at the time, think 1980s.

I also do not agree that cross dressing without dysphoria is generally some sort of sexual fetish.  For me it certainly was not and I know I am not alone in that.

You are also right, it's not about dressing, it has never been and never will be about dressing in the preferred clothes we like.  It's about you being you, it's about me being me and it's about others being themselves.  So in regards to the message this Facebook user posted, "mind your own business".  This is your journey and how you go about it, with your wife's input, is up to you and only you.  You do whatever makes you and your wife comfortable.

How you label yourself is up to you and I'm going to repeat myself here, how you progress on your journey is also up to you.  For a little clarity, I do not associate with the trans anything.  To me the word "trans" is like having your forehead branded with that word.  Those words were not around in my world when I changed my life around and today I simply do not relate to them.  I live in a binary world.  I'm female first and foremost.  I don't need to express my gender, it's given.

I think people can get too caught up in labels and trying to put everyone into a box.  Some people cannot take HRT, some cannot have surgery, some cannot afford the surgeries and some simply do not want either.  None of that changes how you see yourself or how you choose to live your life.  If you see yourself as female then how you live your life as a female is really up to you.

Transgender is also just a label and from my perspective, I don't like the label transgender.  If it suits you then use it.  If it does not then don't.  Nobody else should be deciding what label you have to wear.

Having exact definitions for things that are not exact has never worked very well.  Psychologists, doctors and others tend to use boxes and categories because it gives them some idea of how they think they should deal with you.  The trouble is real people don't always fit neatly into those boxes. Real life is really not that simple and never will be.

Take care and all the best for the future JJ!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Jillian-TG

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful message. Very much appreciated.

Quote from: Petunia on October 03, 2026, 01:13:39 PMJulie, I just went back up to the start of this topic.

All the posts about your wife and family are so affirming and positive.

Further down some random on the internet has interferred with your thoughts.

All that matters to you is you, your gorgeous wife, the acceptance coming from her family.

You are such a lucky person to be in that position

Cherish the people around you and the rest doesn't matter.

Life is too short to dwell on negative people.

True. I sent that internet troll a very balanced response (nothing hateful) and then blocked them. Life is indeed too short to deal with negative internet trolls.

My wife did something sweet this morning. She gave me her wool fall coat that she has only worn a couple of times. She said I need something warm to wear when we travel in November (and she knows I prefer to travel while dressed more feminine / androgynous).

Her coat is definitely a women's coat. It's a black double breasted coat but with a distinctly feminine cut to it.

I tried it on and although it fits me nicely in terms of torso, the sleeves were too short. So she pulled out a sweater of hers that she has nice furry shaggy cuffs. She said she will remove the furry cuffs and sew it into the coat to make the sleeves longer so it fits me better. It's a great solution and ironically her alteration takes the coat from what was originally a conservative ladies fall coat to what will be a lot more girly with the fluffy shag cuffs. It was her idea so I'm chuffed.

Can't wait to travel in it in November (we are flying down to Fort Lauderdale for a cruise).

Wow, JJ! That is...fantastic! 💕

Looking at my recent posts it all reads like sunshine and roses. I would like to add a very real reality check on that. Today my wife let me know that things are not sitting well with her.

Two examples from her message to me via WhatsApp:
"I'm just trying my best every day. It's not easy because it goes against everything that I am so just have patience. I'm just doing what I can some days it's OK some days it's not so just letting you know, but I do love you..."

and

..."some days I do struggle the direction our relationship is going but all I can do is try my hardest and best I am just exhausted..."

So that's a solid dose of reality and something I have to take to heart. I have to keep reminding myself that this is hard for her and I have to be more patient with the process. I did let her know that I'm grateful that she's open and willing to share her feelings.

It's also hard for me to not shake the feeling that I am disappointing her. In fact it's hard not to arrive at that conclusion because anyone who has been through this has to realize that you definitely are disappointing your spouse. It certainly is a situation that sucks.

Her sharing her struggle with you matters. And your acknowledgment matters, too.

If she weren't struggling with it openly, it would signal that she is giving up. That does not appear to be the case. She is fighting her own perceptions to make this work.

Chin up. It could be much worse.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 13, 2026, 06:45:30 PMHer sharing her struggle with you matters. And your acknowledgment matters, too.

If she weren't struggling with it openly, it would signal that she is giving up. That does not appear to be the case. She is fighting her own perceptions to make this work.

Chin up. It could be much worse.

That's exactly how I am interpreting it. Keeping the communication lines open is critical in such complex situations. It gets way worse when people shut down and close up. So I will definitely take this seriously and continue to make an effort to be very patient

Quote from: Jillian-TG on October 13, 2026, 05:29:16 PM"I'm just trying my best every day. It's not easy because it goes against everything that I am so just have patience. I'm just doing what I can some days it's OK some days it's not so just letting you know, but I do love you..."

This is a beautiful message. Serious, but beautiful and with hope. 💕