Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Came out to my two younger sisters tonight.
Took all of the night to work up the stones, but then I did.
In a roundabout way, while watching the table intently, I said the words "looking into changing my sex"..
My sisters looked at me like I had said something along the lines of "looking into getting my hair dyed".. and then sort of shrugged and said okay.

The same has sort of been the way with my friends. Caught one of my old dear friends online the other day and told him in an "oh by the way" sort of way, and the reply was "okay, what do I call you then dude?".

It's not taken any of my friends nor family by any surprize (other than dad that is) and the only person who's given me Any trouble is Dad and that's only in the form of not getting it.
Heck, the only real question I get is "what about your husband?"

I get so nervous though... so now I feel all deflated... but all that nervousness hasn't prepared me at all for the *shrug* okay.. sort of replies I get.

75% of my replies have been *shrug* okay. It's always way more common than you think and makes you feel kind of silly for waiting so long to tell people.

That was the essence of my coming out also.  "Oh, okay."  A few asked a few questions, my parents asked me the most, but still, I wasn't disowned or yelled at or anything.  It was a total non-issue, even at work.

Sometimes I think it was too easy.  But not a day goes by that I'm not totally content, relaxed, and confident in my decision.

The only thing that has been problematic has been dating, but that's problematic for just about anyone.  Straight girls want the dick; so far the lesbian/bi ladies I've talked to love transmen all right -- in their pre-T, pre-top surgery form.  Oh, well.


Jay

Mine was pretty close to that. Course there were some questions, but overall everybody was much more upset about my being an drug addict. This seems small change to them compared to that.

Good for you, Miniar.

Quote from: sneakersjay on May 21, 2009, 07:29:22 PM
Sometimes I think it was too easy.  But not a day goes by that I'm not totally content, relaxed, and confident in my decision.

That was most of the reaction to my announcements.  I even had one, after I said "I'm transgender" shoot back "I know it!"  I sometimes thought it was too easy, why had I gotten so worked up about it ahead of time?  But I guess you have to get yourself ready - it's part of the process. 

Now my siblings are giving me a hard time, though. :P  One step at a time.

- Kate

It's often struck me that the things we think we are hiding are pretty obvious to everyone else.

Quote from: tekla on May 22, 2009, 12:32:21 PM
It's often struck me that the things we think we are hiding are pretty obvious to everyone else.

Heh, yep.
"I'm not surprised" is half of what I get told in response to coming out. The other half being of course "what about your husband?"

My wife says I am pretty feminine for a guy, and at times borderline gay.  In fact when we first met, she thought I was gay.  I wonder if my family would just shrug and say, we always knew that.

When i told my best friend I'm changing my sex and asked her what others thought of me she said one word gay. She is very accepting as is my stepfather, neighbors, doctors and the bank manager, we'll see how it goes with my extended family later this summer.

Paula

In some cases, I also got the "we're not surprised, we always thought you were gay" response.  My parents took it the hardest.  Looking back though, I think I made coming out a bigger deal than it really was.

When an old neighbor was told, by my ex no less.  His response was '"Oh I thought you were going to tell me he is gay".  Then "No biggy.  You want a beer?".

Janet

Yeah I have had a lot of that, it comes quite easy most of the time..

Although a lot of people are more interested in how and when I get a penis they think you automatically get it.. and don't understand that I have to wait years.. 

Jay

Yea
When I came out to parents as a child (40 yrs ago) it was a big thing (but the thing wasn't :laugh:) . I haven't really had anyone with problems since. I'm not fully out at work  My senior clinical colleagues are all homophobic. Even though I'm not Gay, they would not understand the difference.

Unfortunately Boys and Girls; That is how a lot of Medics think.

Cindy

Quote from: Miniar on May 22, 2009, 02:49:06 PM
Heh, yep.
"I'm not surprised" is half of what I get told in response to coming out. The other half being of course "what about your husband?"

That has been pretty much my experience, too.  My daughter asked what exactly transsexual meant.  I explained it and she said, "Oh, I just thought you were bi-sexual."  Her biggest concern was will I still be her dad and will it change our relationship.  I assured her that I will always be her dad and I will always love her. She said it was too bad I wasn't born 20 years later, when being queer was more exceptable.

Ivb

Quote from: Nero on May 22, 2009, 01:17:38 AM
Mine was pretty close to that. Course there were some questions, but overall everybody was much more upset about my being an drug addict. This seems small change to them compared to that.

This seems like it would be the case for me as well. I know my family just wants me to be happy and if they could still love me through the perils of opiate addiction, then this shouldn't be too hard :P

I think my sisters could have the *shrug* "okay" reaction and maybe even my parents, but you still never know...

Most of the responses that I got were like that.

Most of the people I knew could tell that I was carrying around a heavy burden, and then to come out they all said "Oh so *that's* what has been bugging you all this time!"

How come everyone knew, accept me?

-Sandy

Quote from: Sandy on June 15, 2009, 03:02:11 PM
Most of the responses that I got were like that.

Most of the people I knew could tell that I was carrying around a heavy burden, and then to come out they all said "Oh so *that's* what has been bugging you all this time!"

How come everyone knew, accept me?

-Sandy

I get the feeling a lot of people realize I'm carrying a heavy burden as well. It sometimes feels like my family is just waiting for me to come out, I dunno if they think I'm gay or know that I'm trans, but it seems like they know SOMETHING is up.

Quote from: tekla on May 22, 2009, 12:32:21 PM
It's often struck me that the things we think we are hiding are pretty obvious to everyone else.

Yup - So much for stealth huh :)

Quotewe always thought you were gay

is another one.

-={LR}=-

Miniar, you're such a worrywart! You'd be surprised at how often your fears are unfounded.  ;)

Quote from: Kara on June 15, 2009, 05:03:28 PM
Miniar, you're such a worrywart!

Hahah.. tell me something I don't know :D

I think most people are alot more laid back about this kinda thing then one would expect. I came out as bisexual a while ago and most people's reactions were "Issit".

Quote from: Miniar on May 22, 2009, 02:49:06 PM
Heh, yep.
"I'm not surprised" is half of what I get told in response to coming out. The other half being of course "what about your husband?"

Yeah, that's sort of what I expect ("wife" in place of "husband" of course)

and it's the one question I least have an answer for.

Quote from: Sandy on June 15, 2009, 03:02:11 PM


How come everyone knew, accept me?

Well I thought you were to scared to get your ears pierced back then, so I didnt see it either.  :D

Quote from: Melissa Ryan on June 16, 2009, 02:41:53 AM
Well I thought you were to scared to get your ears pierced back then, so I didnt see it either.  :D

I was so in denial that I avoided anything that might have given my secret away.  Then things started to burst out.  Ear piercing, purse carrying, sitting to urinate.  All the coping skills stopped working.  It was never enough.

There comes a time when the caterpillar realizes that it must start the journey to become a butterfly.  The change comes upon it and cannot be stopped.  The caterpillar realizes that it's life, as it has known it, is over.

Sorry.  I didn't mean to hijack.  I just have chatter fingers today...

-Sandy

Quote from: Sandy on June 16, 2009, 07:53:37 AM
Sorry.  I didn't mean to hijack.  I just have chatter fingers today...

Chatter fingers.  :D  I like that.  I may have to steal that phrase.

Miniar:

How true it is that our worries about a situation are much worse than the situation itself.  See?  Everybody was pretty cool with it.  Like the other people said here, you'll sometimes get "the gay comment."  So what if that happens, really?

Also, be glad you're of a younger generation.  Tolerance is much greater, in some ways, now than it was a few decades or so ago.  The Coming-out Issue is a sift-and-sort mechanism:  You'll know who your friends really are and who the cooler people really are.  Good luck to you, Miniar.  You deserve it.  Hugs.