Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was so angry last night that it interfered with my sleeping patterns last night and I thought about hanging myself over it yesterday. I wrote this the night of 9/10/2009.

Here's what I wrote (Disclaimer: changed a few things for privacy);

"Because I've been so upset about it tonight, I'm writing this article to tell Allah/The Creator how so mad I am at Him because He intentionally made my life so miserable. Thanks a lot God for giving me the role I never wanted, knowing how hard it is being being a male, seriously! Being a female would've been so much easier for me that this had You just been nice enough to fufill that one request for me. Because you didn't, I'm upset, I don't like this flat chest, and I want my genitallia removed... so I will say this here and now since I can't even sleep because I'm so mad. Thank you God so much for making my life a living hell! I really apprieciated it! Really!
I'm pretty much convinced that you just put me here just to make my life a suffering hell. I'm pretty much convinced that you keep me alive for that reason as well. I say that because my knowledge and belief of The Secret has at least given me some sort of faith. Because I will have you know now that the only reason to remain here right now is the fact that i can still live the rest of my dreams. There's a lot of other things i wanna do, see, and expereience before i go hang myself and if you;re not going to make those things happen for me then y'know what, I'd rather now be here.
Once again! Thanks a lot for putting me through this hellhole we all call "being a male"! And another thing, if the devil is going to give me the woman's body that I've longed for, if he's going to give me my ideal body that I dreamed of walking in, then i'll ally with the devil. You seriously make me sick, God. Really, you do. I would've been better off being a female and you just went and screwed that up and made me feel this way throughout my entire existance! And you know what? Since you don't care about the fact that I should've been female, I don't care about your purpose. I may have the body and appearance of a male but i'm definaltely no man. I don't give two s**ts what the world sees of me. I'm not a man. This so-called manhood/boyhood crap just makes me sick. I give not 1 ioda about the Adam/Eve crap and since we are teh co-creators of our lives then why didn't you let me create that, huh? Oh yeah! That;s right! you're point of bringing me here was for me to suffer what I'm going though. I get it.
And to give me this blackhearted b***h you call my mother, I see what you did and now I hope you're happy. If you're going to give me "free will" then why don't you just let me be something I wanted to be? You tell me! Y'know what? Just let me die of prostante cancer or cancer in general. I don't care. A woman shouldn't have to worry about prostate cancer so why should i?
I'll still try to follow my dreams but if you're going to stop that, I'll go hang myself and end this existance because i am tired of walking around with a male body. Seriously, why couldn't you just give me the body of the woman i draw when i draw myself?! What was soooo hard about that? Oh worst yet! Even if i did surgically change my body it's no good because I still won't have my desired form. I found some girl on myspace with a body that looks just like the one i wanted. get this. I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at YOU. Plain clear and simple! I get that too! You make my life difficult by giving me the wrong body but you give someone else mine? You make me sick, period."

BigLover, I came out as transgender four years ago a week short of my 57th birthday. I felt different all my life. I didn't know why until with the help of some counseling I found out.

I'm also a Christian who thanks God for what he has done in my life. The time I came was the right time. I was more a CD/TS in the beginning, now I'm TG/TS.

God has a plan for all of us, BigLover.  It may be that he has a better idea for you. Whether transitioning is in the plan or not only He knows. In the meantime, ask Him what He plans for your life. Being transgender was something I NEVER factored in my journey, but I am happier for it.

Gennee

Quote from: gennee on September 11, 2009, 06:44:29 PM
BigLover, I came out as transgender four years ago a week short of my 57th birthday. I felt different all my life. I didn't know why until with the help of some counseling I found out.

I'm also a Christian who thanks God for what he has done in my life. The time I came was the right time. I was more a CD/TS in the beginning, now I'm TG/TS.

God has a plan for all of us, BigLover.  It may be that he has a better idea for you. Whether transitioning is in the plan or not only He knows. In the meantime, ask Him what He plans for your life. Being transgender was something I NEVER factored in my journey, but I am happier for it.

Gennee

I guess you're right about that.

Quote from: BigLover on September 11, 2009, 07:02:35 AM
I was so angry last night that it interfered with my sleeping patterns last night and I thought about hanging myself over it yesterday. I wrote this the night of 9/10/2009.

Here's what I wrote (Disclaimer: changed a few things for privacy);

"Because I've been so upset about it tonight, I'm writing this article to tell Allah/The Creator how so mad I am at Him because He intentionally made my life so miserable. Thanks a lot God for giving me the role I never wanted, knowing how hard it is being being a male, seriously! Being a female would've been so much easier for me that this had You just been nice enough to fufill that one request for me. Because you didn't, I'm upset, I don't like this flat chest, and I want my genitallia removed... so I will say this here and now since I can't even sleep because I'm so mad. Thank you God so much for making my life a living hell! I really apprieciated it! Really!
I'm pretty much convinced that you just put me here just to make my life a suffering hell. I'm pretty much convinced that you keep me alive for that reason as well. I say that because my knowledge and belief of The Secret has at least given me some sort of faith. Because I will have you know now that the only reason to remain here right now is the fact that i can still live the rest of my dreams. There's a lot of other things i wanna do, see, and expereience before i go hang myself and if you;re not going to make those things happen for me then y'know what, I'd rather now be here.
Once again! Thanks a lot for putting me through this hellhole we all call "being a male"! And another thing, if the devil is going to give me the woman's body that I've longed for, if he's going to give me my ideal body that I dreamed of walking in, then i'll ally with the devil. You seriously make me sick, God. Really, you do. I would've been better off being a female and you just went and screwed that up and made me feel this way throughout my entire existance! And you know what? Since you don't care about the fact that I should've been female, I don't care about your purpose. I may have the body and appearance of a male but i'm definaltely no man. I don't give two s**ts what the world sees of me. I'm not a man. This so-called manhood/boyhood crap just makes me sick. I give not 1 ioda about the Adam/Eve crap and since we are teh co-creators of our lives then why didn't you let me create that, huh? Oh yeah! That;s right! you're point of bringing me here was for me to suffer what I'm going though. I get it.
And to give me this blackhearted b***h you call my mother, I see what you did and now I hope you're happy. If you're going to give me "free will" then why don't you just let me be something I wanted to be? You tell me! Y'know what? Just let me die of prostante cancer or cancer in general. I don't care. A woman shouldn't have to worry about prostate cancer so why should i?
I'll still try to follow my dreams but if you're going to stop that, I'll go hang myself and end this existance because i am tired of walking around with a male body. Seriously, why couldn't you just give me the body of the woman i draw when i draw myself?! What was soooo hard about that? Oh worst yet! Even if i did surgically change my body it's no good because I still won't have my desired form. I found some girl on myspace with a body that looks just like the one i wanted. get this. I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at YOU. Plain clear and simple! I get that too! You make my life difficult by giving me the wrong body but you give someone else mine? You make me sick, period."

Just know that God didn't make you that out the ass, he made you like that because thats who you are. YOU ARE A WOMAN!!!

And it's really not something you have to deal with (it may feel like that) but actually what other people have to deal with. I highly believe we are on this earth, to manage the minds of people, to show people not to only love whats on the outside but the inside, (be open minded) Continue going threw transition! it will get better, just think your not the only one going threw this, you have us!

Perhaps you are transgendered to see if you are strong enough to handle it.  Lashing out for your problems may feel good and actually help you get to a point where you can begin working on yourself, but it is up to YOU to do what needs to be done to make your life better.

Lots of people go through tough situations - poverty, hunger, disease, violence.  Being transgendered is just another one of those (and not as bad as some of those).  How are you going to handle it, girl?

I know this is tough, but things can get better.  Work toward harmony within yourself and with those around you as the person you really are.  You may not get there, but each step gets you closer.

Good luck on your journey, sweetie.  There are a lot of us who are struggling along this path you.

*hugs*
Kate

Lots of people go through tough situations - poverty, hunger, disease, violence.  Being transgendered is just another one of those (and not as bad as some of those).  How are you going to handle it, girl?

I know this is tough, but things can get better.  Work toward harmony within yourself and with those around you as the person you really are.  You may not get there, but each step gets you closer.

That's about the truest thing you're every going to read.  Take it to heart.  No matter how totally >-bleeped-<ty your live is - it can get worse.  So you work with what you have, knowing it can get worse, and you don't want to go there.  Life can get better, I've seen it for myself, and in lots of other people - but it only seems to get better to the degree that they were actively working on making it better. 

I'm sorry..that you seemed angry, BigLover.

As a Christian, I believe that God loves us all. He has plans for all of us. Maybe He wants to see how strong you are in a situation like this. I uhm...I don't really know what else to say...but..I thought I'd throw in my support too

Remember one thing, God isn't the one who throws the bad >-bleeped-< at us.  Also remember that he won't let us go through anything we can't handle.  Ask him for help when you have problems, so on, it works.  And remember that he's gonna use you whatever way you are.

...have any of you actually read your holy books? Because I'm sorry to say this but if you have read them COVER TO COVER and still believe god is good your a sad person.
...just my thoughts.

Have a GREAT day!

There's parts in the Bible that come off as cruel. But..I'm not gonna say anymore because I don't want this to turn into some religious argument thread

Quote from: Carolyn on September 27, 2009, 01:55:59 AM
...have any of you actually read your holy books? Because I'm sorry to say this but if you have read them COVER TO COVER and still believe god is good your a sad person.
...just my thoughts.

Have a GREAT day!

Someone ought to read the rules of the Spirituality section before posting.