Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I noticed recently, that my story seems to be repeated over and over on posts I've seen recently on Susan's. It seems to me that there are a lot of really successful TS on this site. Many have given up "their success"  and started over to transition. (and I'm at that crossroad now) I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this. So here it goes.............

In a nutshell – I'm 37, always knew I was Trans. (Thought I could push it down beneath the surface.... didn't work) Got married to a beautiful woman. Had two great kids. By 32 I was a Director in a >$175 million company, left to start my own company, etc, etc. I've worked on Capitol Hill, been on TV a dozen times, spoke to large crowds, etc. etc. In other words I've been "successful" in life but a miserable failure (until recently) in dealing with my TG issues.

So through accepting this I have found myself wondering if I would have been so successful had I not been a transsexual. Here's my logic. By being TS I knew I was different (even though I hid it well), By knowing I was different I felt "the path most traveled" was not mine. I blazed my own course in everything. Because of this I stood out. I got promoted over my peers. I took risks that others would not.

I also found that it impacted my managerial style. I didn't relate to the masculine managerial method (do this or else). I found that I could see things in the way women and men worked together and used that to my advantage. In meetings I saw the women take submissive roles (and loose) or if they tried to compensate they got labeled "bitches". Guys also got similar labels. I took and indirect route.... Challenging to a point, backing down, and addressing the issue off line – and most of the time I ended up winning. I watched the guys in the same position challenge the boss and flat out loose. The women would assume it was because they were women and give up. But I took a different tact and I feel it was directly related to my gender issues.

I don't know how my views would have changed had I transitioned in my 20's but I can tell you one thing. If you have strong goals, and don't push aggressively, regardless of pre-or post transition you won't achieve them.

I guarantee you that there are a number millionaires reading this post right now, wishing they could respond, but feeling they will loose it all they get caught. Successfull but scared. (email me if you cant post and want to talk. melissa42013 at gmail.com) And if you're just starting out. Think about the things I posted above – look for the gaps that exist at your workplace and fill them in. Smooth the joints between gender tension, and you will help others and win at the same time.  (always think Win Win – never win at another's expense)

I've got a bunch of other thoughts on how it's impacted me in a POSITIVE way but rather than "long-posting" I'd like to hear your thoughts.

-M

I have read that many girls are successful pre-transition and even post-transition, but I really think that there are more girls who barely made it week to week.

You never hear about them until they are attacked, killed or commit the big checkout.  Those are the girls that have been working the hardest.

Sadly I think Janet has it in a nutshell. Yes there are successful girls here, but possibly we were successful enough, to survive long enough to be ourselves. In general people with GID issues tend to have poor education standards, poor job recruitments, poor economics. This seems to be driven by an inability to adjust to 'normal' life from an early age, to not be able to socialise with people of our own gender, and to have poor health due to depressive issues that seem to be common among GID people. Also when we transition employment can be a very serious problem. There are a disproportionate of MtF people who have to use prostitution  for basic income than any other group, bar drug addicts. Having GID issues in many countries is a death sentence, you may survive as a Gay male (but not in many countries), but being MtF, you are lower than life and sadly we have had girls on this site going through these problems.

What is impressive is to see so many GID people now going onto to higher education etc, and this, in my opinion, is one of the strengths that the internet in general and Susan's in particular has given to young people with GID. For many of us oldies we never knew we were not alone. We never knew we were normal. For all of my pre-teen and most of my teens I thought I was the only freak like me. My motivation to succeed in life was after being so seriously sexually abused and continuously taunted about it by the abusers, that my only way to survive was to get enough money to get away from where I lived. I did. Yes I'm successful, but most of my sisters aren't, just the opposite;  most of my close friends are fighting a battle to keep going, paying the rent is a battle. Forget clothes and make up. But they keep going; because they are wonderful people who have had to walk a path that no person wants to walk. They are strong because they have been forged in the Hell of GID.  If you haven't suicided before you are in the early twenties you have probably at least tried. OK less thank Goddess in the youngsters, because we can give support.

I respect your post and hope that we can support you here with the problems you are going to face. I'm certainly willing to and I know the love people have on this site. But I suspect you make an hour what most of the girls make in a week.
BTW I'm not ignoring the Guys, just you posted as MtF.

Have a safe journey
Hugs

Cindy  James

I'm 36 and have a similar story.  Beautiful, successful, and accepting wife (told her on first date 13 years ago), two kids, my own company,  Been on TV, magazines, news.  Speaker at conferences, colleges,  etc.

I am successful but think the average for trans people would have to be low.  There are plenty of sex workers in our tribe. 

I usually think I'm successful despite my GID.  Since GID has caused countless hours of distraction that haven't contributed to my success.  Then again I see a lot of positives too:

TECH - Anne Lawrence talked about how trans-women often focus on "things" rather than people. I was good with computers early on.

HUMOR - Comedy as defense mechanism came into play. My sense of humor has been pretty key in my success.

ENTREPRENEURSHIP - I also didn't see the straight course as an options and kind of made my own road. I knew I wanted control of my job. I have no problems taking risk.  The book "How We Decide" talks about the emotional reactions being as important as logical ones.  I make gut decisions very quickly.

CREATIVITY - I have a creative job and wasn't tied down to a masculine or feminine creative culture or the expectations that has on a person's work.  I have a very emotional reaction to good design and art.

MANAGERIAL - Same as you... got tuned into gender differences.  As a manager I'm compassionate and generally well liked. 

EMPATHY / INSIGHT - I think I became very sensitive early on to people's reactions toward me and was always a bit suspicious of people.  I would always look for signs that people were trans (and honed a good gaydar) or different in any way.  I can read people fairly well and don't have to be read.  I can play a lot of roles in a situation. 

I think in a couple of the things outlined above GID made me sort of a nihilist.  I can do anything because everything is so wacky and weird and doesn't matter anyway.  All the world's a stage. 

I suppose my story is a bit the opposite of most.

I fought to survive childhood and my teens by finding help for my physical problem, an experience that taught me how to learn (to understand what was wrong with me), to educate (convince people to help), and to never take "No." for an answer. It was the 1950's and 1960's so it was a tough fight! I learned diplomacy, tact, negotiating skills, and most of all persistence!

At 24, when I achieved SRS, I had minimal education, no significant work experience, no money, and no support. I went from down and out on the street, getting food from a food bank, to a leading and respected professional 20 years later, all attributable  to the skills I learned trying to survive.

Are there easier ways to learn those things? OH YEA! Are there more effective ways? I doubt it LOL!

I dropped out of high school, and am about to drop out of university, at least for now. About 3 weeks ago I tried to commit suicide an am now a resident of a mental hospital. I'm unemployed and get money from my mother, who is likely about to cut me off as she suspects I'm using the money to buy drugs.

Sooooo, I'm definitely not a booming success.

Sadly i think Janet and Cindy are far closer to the mark. And after reading a number of others life stories i am beginning to realize that what i went through is far more common then i ever imagined.
I too am a bit older,was abused by an uncle,the harassment in school started in 1st grade and was with the same class for 8 years,started high and was outed within days,(not very good at all being able to hide it) at age 20 was abused by a boss whom i ended living with for 3 years (He was a predator and tried to kill me 3 separate times,threatened to blow up my family and brought home some his friends and used me as a play toy) Thankfully at the end of this time he threw me out and did not have to worry about my family. Ended up working at a number of low paying dead end jobs because any other place refused to even give me a chance. Usually got the good old line you are not quite what we are looking for. Ended up being married twice both of which did not last for more then 6 years. The first lasted all of 2 years,the second being the hardest of the 2,we had met and were married within 3 months,very bad move,she was a recovering alcoholic and i am dealing with my GID,but we did not spend any where near enough time before hand talking about these things,very bad combo,within 2 years both issues were coming coming to the surface. In the end the alcohol took her life and i am still to this day having to deal with the guilt that once the issues came back up if my GID was the breaking point for her. It's been almost 11 years since she passed on. For me it is one of the 2 things i have to be able to let go and it has not been easy.
  Does this mean that it has all been bad? Of course not. On the other hand i have had some very good friends that when i was working at the dry cleaners,we could talk about anything,they accepted me as i was,one of the gals pierced my ears for me,even to the point of looking at clothes and commenting on how they would look cute on me. My mom has been awesome as she has no problem with it and does realize that its real and goes clothes shopping with me and is helping me with picking out clothes and is not freaked out with my laundry. Even my father who went ballistic on me never left me stranded out on the street. And at this time i do work for myself from home and that is finally starting to get to a point that i can support myself. Not great yet but slowly getting there.
  The one thing that i am learning is even though i did go through all those things i can be thankful that in a lot of ways that things were not worse and in some ways i have had some breaks that others have not.
 

Quote from: melissa42013 on January 28, 2011, 09:12:27 PM
look for the gaps that exist at your workplace and fill them in.

Yeah I did alot of that where I used to work, for the campus IT dept. The only reason I'm not still there is because it was a student job and so now that I'm no longer a student I can't work there anymore. I can't imagine that the supervisor would have anything but good things to say about me if called for a reference, but I fear that it's not enough against a name change on my record and poor physical appearance.

Perhaps I missed my mark a bit with the title of this topic. I blame the marketing/sales side of me for trying to catch people's attention. What I am really getting at is this:
"Does the unique perspective that comes with being a transsexual allow us a unique perspective on our interpersonal relationships? Further, can use that understanding to our benefit in ways that others can not?" I know the devastating results transitioning can have. I'm on the edge of it myself.

Perhaps I'm just an eternal optimist, looking for the bright side of an incredible difficult situation. But I can't help but feel that I can "see things" others cannot because of this. I've felt the deep dark side of being this way. I'm just really really tired of it and I have finally come to terms and acceptance and want to make the most of a tragic dilemma.

Keep in mind that I'm looking at this from the perspective of someone who has been in the closet with this all my life. And that social stereotypes and perceptions have not been a part of my public life, until now. I did not have to fight my way up the ladder in high heels, so to speak.

I've come to believe that the real reason for our pain and angst is not our gender feelings, it the feeling we feel from society. If our condition was Parkinson's, Cancer, or something similar our friends and loved ones would rally to our support. They would hug us, and pray for us, and support us. But people don't understand this, there has not been enough in the public to educate people.

Trying to be optimistic, I just wonder what benefits we can draw out of this. I've interviewed and hired a lot of people. Most people aren't worth the time, there is nothing special that they bring to the table. From the employment perspective I can see the dilemma, the special accommodations and employee sensitivity trainings that may be required. Other fears of lawsuits, customer reactions, etc. I get it. But if that same person were to look me in the eye, acknowledge this, and lay out their special skills as I and "japple" listed in this post, wouldn't that present a more compelling case? Perhaps not a slam dunk case. But really, think about it? If you're going to stand out, really stand out. Really make them take a notice.

Gender issues or not this is a tough time to try and find a job. There are a thousand applicants for every job. Employers have a lot of room for selection. So everyone has to stand out .But what if, just what if you could turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength?

Like I said, I'm an eternal optimist. I'm nominating myself official cheerleader (= ironic) because I there has got to be a bright side to our story. Not the Greek tragedy that seems to befall those stricken. I can't accept the reality of this situation, and I doubt you can either, so why not change it?

-M

Quote from: perlita85 on January 29, 2011, 07:13:22 PM
When the disability is overcome by financial and emotional support GID people tend to be overachievers. There is a lot of us who are the top of our professions/careers/trade/business/arts. However there is also the sad true that many of us are left out "DRY" and with not support in our teens and early twenty's and thus to no fault of our own fail to thrive. 

I kind of fit both camps I suppose. I was homeless in my late teens, then worked at a shelter, lived at the Y in my early 20s for a while, lied and told charity groups that "I needed a bus ticket back home" to get Greyhound tickets to travel and try to make my way. (I've been to 48 states and 18 countries)  I led perverted guys on for clothes, travel, and money.  A girl I met on the Internet and I stole a car and drove across country to another Internet friend's house.  I couch surfed with friends an relatives.  I was really lost and alone and felt unknowable.

I eventually fell into a creative community and started building a life and definitely tried to overachieve. I met an inspiring woman I married.  It took about nine years of job hopping, usually two and three jobs at a time, to kind of find my groove and then I started succeeding pretty quickly. 

I've recently been tackling gender again and trying to be brave but success is making it difficult.  I don't want to lose what I have.  Even the ones who say they aren't loosing a lot slip out that they're declaring bankruptcy or something. 

I also am an optimist..,but under it I am very very afraid.   Sometimes I wonder if my success is just there for a bigger fall.  To show me what life would have been like if I could have been normal.  I've had nothing, it's not great.

The woefully unsuccessful trans women aren't going to have internet access, so any conclusions drawn from sites like this are horribly skewed.

Quote from: melissa42013 on January 29, 2011, 06:40:56 PM
"Does the unique perspective that comes with being a transsexual allow us a unique perspective on our interpersonal relationships? Further, can use that understanding to our benefit in ways that others can not?" I know the devastating results transitioning can have. I'm on the edge of it myself.

You have been able to cope with your GID very well to be that successful. Thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the thought process your thinking about seems to be of a higher level than most of us would ever achieve due to the lack of opportunity. To be able to take advantage of the benefits of being TS and applying it to social settings of examples you mention, wow you'd need some kind of high level of acceptance of yourself with some kind of stable gender identity. Your ability to cope has allowed you to go beyond & be successful. Think many of us here are saying is that we haven't had the opportunity to use our "comparative advantages" of being TS because most of us have difficulty coping.

Quote from: perlita85 on January 29, 2011, 07:13:22 PM
When the disability is overcome by financial and emotional support GID people tend to be overachievers. There is a lot of us who are the top of our professions/careers/trade/business/arts. However there is also the sad true that many of us are left out "DRY" and with not support in our teens and early twenty's and thus to no fault of our own fail to thrive.  And then there is the case pointed out above, those who undeservedly loose much when transitioning.

I'd have to concur with perlita that disabilities can be overcome by financial and emotional support. I've always been racing forward to succeed out of fear stemming from GID. Fear is a huge motivator, but at the same time it can be exhausting. In terms of taking advantage of being TS in social situations, it's rather been the opposite since I haven't had much emotional support and I've missed the social development stages personally. It's hard to catch up. So, my coping abilities aren't at the same level as yours is on. Everyone's life is different and no one is dealt the same cards in comparison to everyone else.

Then again, my strong areas would be in equity & promotion of policy in society because of my GID. Not only that, as a result of GID I know a heck of a lot more about health issues even though I come from a social sciences background. Everyone's strengths are different resulting from GID.

In a nutshell, GID has the potential to strengthen certain areas to give different perspectives but at the same time comes with the risk of catastrophic mental breakdowns.

If you're looking for successful TS people to relate to, they're out there. They're hard to find because they look human and smell human. As for yourself, you deserve a pat on your back. One thing that would be cool is to have a TS Scholarship Trust set up by successful business people.

Quote from: tatiana on January 30, 2011, 12:30:58 AM
You have been able to cope with your GID very well to be that successful.

My therapist told me that I'm great at compartmentalizing and disassociation.  It seems to drive her nuts and I didn't really get it until thinking about his thread in the shower.

I think that I am brave and willing to take risks but the reality is I easily put things out of my mind...including past failures.  I am not nostalgic.  I don't watch the same films, television shows, or read the same books.  I keep move forward. I'm ten steps ahead of my body.  I can be very engaged with people and be having an amazing time and then just walk away from them.  It doesn't occur to me to call or reach out to anyone, even people I know I love.  People I know joke about how I never say goodbye, I just walk away.  I never noticed it until they started joking about it.   I remember facts, processes, and experiences but forget emotions until I have them again.   I can get really angry, for real or to get a point across, and then move on like nothing happened then am surprised that people don't know what to make of it.    Until I wrote it up there I completely FORGET that I was homeless or had difficulties.   I think I'm an optimist, but I purposely forget to be a pessimist.

The ability to cope and be successful is it's own kind of crazy.  I think I can cope with my GID forever but I don't want to because the method of coping is so fragmented.  There are two steps to my transition, breaking down walls of all the different compartments to make myself whole. Then I can see what that whole person looks like.

This is actually kind of a breakthrough for me.  I didn't understand why my therapist wanted to work on my disassociation issues before moving too fast on hormones and physical changes, now I think I do. 

Great posts! So now this thing is rolling in the direction I was thinking of. The idea started when my wife was researching GID and found a sentence or two that basically said, "a lot of TS are small business owners". I couldn't find the article again but it gnawed at me for a while. I can't accept the idea that we all just have to face a negative outcome.

What I want to do is try and share my thoughts, which may help others out there in the same place or (especially) just starting out in their lives with GID.

@Japple - This forum has done far more for me than therapy. I find myself going in and basically explaining to her the things I've untangled. I'm glad you were able to find a breakthrough with this topic. I feel reenergized and renewed to take on the world. The last three years in business have just sucked for everyone as we try to just keep people employed. Now I feel renewed to rebuild and push forward with my GID at my side.

Attitude – I spent years worrying about what other thought of me. Did they know about my GID? Could they see it? It was the one area of my life I did not actively seek to strengthen, until now. The key attitude that I adopted in life is to be "Independent of the good judgments of others." Think about this. People always tell you what to do and if you let it weight you down, you are not living your life. This is important.

@Tatiana – Emotional Support – I didn't get any, not really. The most support I have ever gotten is from this forum and you all. My wife supports be but I feel it is out of reluctance and years of wearing her down. It's just the way it is. I just translate support for "me" as a person into support for my GID.

Perception – Keep in mind that I have lived my entire life with GID and it felt like a parasite inside my body eating me alive like something on the Discovery channel. I started with a buck in my wallet and a ton of optimism. My entrepreneurial spirit was nearly as strong as my GID.  I found that once I satisfied one, the other refused to be quieted. So here I am. But moving through the last 15 years of active life with this "condition" I finally paid it the attention it needed and I feel more in control. Perception is reality – This is very significant. Give this some serious though.

Success – I can tell from the quality of the post here that this is a group of highly intelligent people. The GID is a huge weight, but it does not define who you are or where you are going to go in life. If you approach people with an attitude of rejection you will get rejection.... GID or not. So think about this. If you discovered the cure for cancer, and were halfway through transition... would people dismiss you? If you were the one person who could perform surgery to save their life, get their loved one out of jail, or protect their live from criminals – would their attitudes be different?

Please don't get the perception from my posts that "I'm perfect" (like Oprah <grin>) I'm far from it. I just feel that I have some insight into this condition that I can share and that can help others out there.

I look forward to your thoughts.

-M

One of the things i did find in some of the healthier relationships that i did have was that the few times the women or men would confide in me about things they did not want to talk to someone else, the one thing they all said was that they felt safer talking to me than anyone else. So it is possible they may have (I don't know for sure) that they were also getting some insight they weren't getting elsewhere.

This is a very interesting thread. I do think the TS condition can provide beneficial insites if you have the ability to recognize them. I have only met 4 or 5 m2f in person and they all seem to be dealing with so many other issues besides the TS issue that they aren't even close to being able to take advantage of that one beneficial insight.

Maybe I have just coped well all this time but I don't think I have any other issues beyond the TS issue. As far as being successful, I guess that would depend on how you measured it. Maybe others are suffering much more with it than I am but I can remember praying every night to wake up in the right body, when I was a child.

An interesting thread and I have to agree that on the whole TS people (at least the one's I've known) have no reasonable outcome as far as success is concerned and are unemployed. They have more often than not, lost everything. They too have to cope with depression even after GRS and exhibit a large amount of paranoia about passing in public. This too is contributed by receiving abuse, threats and physical abuse by people in the street and neighbours. There seems to be only a small amount of successful TS woman but they are there.

This was a huge concern for me in my transition too and to get back to the thread I believe that TS people are the most resilient, strong and intelligent people that one can meet. It therefore comes down to opportunities given which are often lacking because of peoples lack of understanding of our condition. Given the opportunities or creating them ourselves results in very successful individuals with character and resolve.

I too lost everything, however I have made a new life, I am successful, I have a senior position, I have been to university twice. I am respected by my employers and Church. I have worked hard but also opportunities have been given to me which I have taken. I was however determined to make my life a success. In contrast to my life now, my life before was a struggle and not that successful. Not many opportunities were given to me. So I can only guess that people see something in me now that was not there before or perhaps without the distraction of gender dysphoria I am free to use my energy for something more positive.

In saying all this however we have to ask the question of how we measure success, its not just about the balance in our bank accounts or how big the house is or how many vacations we are able to take each year. Its about being free from the crap of gender dysphoria and being free to live our lives. I know all the other stuff helps but just to live as me is everything.

Stardust

There is one thing that I have read from Julia Serano that I think is very true. Someone who lives in the margin has the chance to see the world from at least two perspective. Since normality is enforced and omnipresent, the marginal has no choice but to understand it and know it well. In addition to the "normality" point of view, the marginal also have his own view from the margin, which allows that person to, at least on this issue, have a view of the bigger picture.

Personally, I think any minority, specifically because they are marginalized, get the chance of learning invaluable stuff that couldn't be learned otherwise. Of course they have to cope with the fact that they are different and with most people's ignorance and judgement, which effects cannot be underestimated. However, I think it is possible to look at our difference as an advantage when trying to see the world for what it really is, without letting our personal experience cloud our thinking.

Now, what we really need to do it to teach the majorities of "normal" people that being out of norm isn't a disease, but can actually a great source of wisdom and development. Want it or not, as a member of a minority group, you are condemned to ether play the role of an educator to people around you or to accept and live the ignorance that the normal majority actively spread to other people.

*Are Transsexuals More Successful*

I think during our 'starter' selves we can be very, very driven...

And having been once a female brained person with a masculine outer shell i would agree that it does bring unforeseen insights...

But in my case running fast was to mask dealing with the 'inner' angst that at all costs I had to keep buried, secret and contained...

A sort of emotional OCDism.... while maintaining the outer facadé

In the end if you be a primary TG type – you crack - and then the genie's finally out the bottle... and things just can't go back to business as usual...

Much like in Egypt currently - a groundshift moment occurs and thats it - a new order has to be found.... worked at to continue.

But yes this same drive still lives in my fully female self – which is why for the last two decades I've had a very successful girlie life and great career, albeit I'm on time-out now while I micro-manage my next stage two decades fast-forward tweaks...

I'm no 8 days post op FFS and just getting my eyesight back....gawd its been tough this....!!  :P

However, being financially savvy and solvent in my book doesn't equate with personal success though defo it helps.

Some of the richest people I've met, NetJet/Yacht/supercar set have been anything but beautiful on the inside - the US news obssesion with Charlie Sheen shows that earning $1.25 per week doesn't= true relationship joy....

And the correlation between deviousness, machiavellian, addictive profile types and success at any cost is a well understood principle...

But an intersting topic though Melissa so thanks for that!

Quote from: Cruelladeville on February 02, 2011, 10:17:52 AM

And having been once a female brained person with a masculine outer shell i would agree that it does bring unforeseen insights...

But in my case running fast was to mask dealing with the 'inner' angst that at all costs I had to keep buried, secret and contained...

A sort of emotional OCDism.... while maintaining the outer facade

In the end if you be a primary TG type – you crack - and then the genie's finally out the bottle... and things just can't go back to business as usual...

SO true!! I am one of those who has been fortunate enough to have a successful career and to have married a beautiful wife (she is the absolute spitting image of January Jones as Betty Draper in Mad Men, if anyone watches that show) created an archetypal 'perfect' family. I'm 100% certain I was hyper-determined to be an almost chichéd husband-and-provider. And I succeeded, but it had two effects ...

1. It trapped me ... my family depended on me to keep bringing home the bacon, which meant staying as I was, and ...

2. I felt and feel like a total fraud, because I know that I am NOT that man and it kills me to keep playing at being that man.

As it happens, I came out to my wife last year and although she was initially very supportive - in words, at any rate, if not in actions - that has essentially killed the marriage. So now I have, like any divorcing guy (because this is one area in which it really does not pay to be male) lost my wife, kids, house and most of the money I ever made.

But oddly enough, that almost frees me to go ahead and transition ...

... because what have I got to lose? And if I'm going to lose everything when I'm UN-transitioned, well, why not go ahead and do what I've always wanted to do ...

Freedom, as they say, is just another word for nothing left to lose ...

Carlita...

Ironically I had that top MadMen job, worked for one of the most DA&D accolade awarded and Clio clad at Exc Dir level....lol

I lost all to, was fired - the business back in the 1980's was ultra conservative - still is if you work in it at the top-level (like investment banking)...., the budgets are big as is the responsibility.... and snobbery/elitism that goes with it...lol

3 storey georgian town-house I gave up and walked away from to the SO, and only took savings enuff to start me off...

But yep its freeing..... and though it took me a good 10 year to get back to a state of normality, financial, home life, personal life et al... which took me to late thirties...

(The journey was SO WORTH IT!!)... still is

And I take my hat off to anyone that does go all the way with what we have to do...

That's where the guts, drive and determination really shine through...

Cruella ... I envy you starting in your late twenties/early thirties ... I thought about it so much back then (I'm MUCH older!!) ... But then I found myself with two kids (not quite sure how! :) ) and family responsibilities, including a non-earning wife, and that's when the doors slammed shut ... But now ...

At least I have an unlined face and I weigh the same now as I did at 25, so all is not totally lost haha

I have to say that if I did not have GID, I would not have the same abilities I do now. 
GID has always made me strive to be the best at all I do na dI did this I think to keep busy an dtry to forget the pain of GID, if I mentioned all that I know and am good at, and then if someone who knows me read this post, they would know it was me just from all the things I do so well.
I also know that I also see things others do not and think in a way that they do not, GID it has help me a lot but it is something that I would rather not live with, you might say I made GID help me, I figured since I was robbed of so much time when I was younger and ohter things that I decided at a point in my life that I was not going to let it rule me, I was going to do what I wanted and I wanted to do  alot, keep in mind that I never came out to anyone and still have not.  So this worked, now I am middle aged and it seems the GID is getting stronger and I am thinking I cant hid it anymore but I do have so much now that I know I would loose a lot if not all of it if I transition so I need to think about this and plan my transition very carefully so I can succeed at this too.

Jennie

Quote from: Caitj on January 29, 2011, 11:33:11 PM
The woefully unsuccessful trans women aren't going to have internet access, so any conclusions drawn from sites like this are horribly skewed.

Very good point, Vexing. The super successful ones may not have time to hang out here either but I'm sure there are many fewer of them, by several magnitudes.

Quote from: StacyBeaumont on February 03, 2011, 08:47:10 AM
Very good point, Vexing. The super successful ones may not have time to hang out here either but I'm sure there are many fewer of them, by several magnitudes.

To be fair, the super-successful are, by definition, in the minority among cis-gendered people, too ... I guess the question is whether being unusual in one respect (dysphoria) is in any way likely to make a person unusual in respect of professional/financial success, too ... The only way in which I can see it might is that sense of over-compensation that some of us feel or have felt, but that I think would apply more often pre-transition than post.

Of course, there are highly successful post-ops in all sorts of fields, but MTFs are fighting a double prejudice against women AND transsexuals, so they surely have to be very, very determined, or live in very tolerant circumstances to make it to the top.

Quote from: perlita85 on February 03, 2011, 04:33:32 PM
Personally, I think my GID make me push harder and aster than any girl or boy. I won several gold medals in athletics as a teen, have 5 university degrees, and I am listed as the Who is Who in science in the world, and the Who is Who in Science in the USA. I know that I am not alone as I know several very successful professionals who happen to have GID. I do not say this to blow "sunshine" on myself but to encourage others to believe in themselves and to push forward. I found that success is mostly due to persistence; never give up
Cheers,
Perlits

Congratulations! From the sound of it, you started out doing what I described, being more determined because of GID. What's interesting - and GREAT! - is that transitioning hasn't held you back. Do you work in the academic side of science? I only ask because I'm wondering if college is one of those environments I described that are tolerant and accepting to difference and diversity of all kinds, thereby enabling you to keep advancing your acreer.

Also, perhaps science, by its rationality and objectivity, is less affected by the identity of the scientist. I mean, it's your results that count. If you're doing good work, it's irrelevant what category of person you are ... And besides - whether boy or girl - you're all united by being geeks!  :) I'm 100% arts-based myself, so i wouldn't know .. but certainly in what I do, where things are much more subjective, image really matters.

Quote from: perlita85 on February 04, 2011, 04:55:10 PM
.  we GID folks perhaps have an advantage because we have both side of the brain "uber" developed.

\

Very good point! I know that as much as my GID burdens me as a person, it's a blessing to me as a writer. Women are constantly telling me how much they like the female characters in my books. Well, ladies, there's a reason for that!

I just wanted to say that the OP changed my life in an unimaginable and incredible way. You see, I originally PM'd Melissa instead of posting to the thread and the initial contact was like a match to gasoline. Thank you Melissa for being the most wonderful friend that I ever could have imagined and just being you. It almost brings me to tears when I think about it all so I will just say that the last 7 months of my life have been the best 7 so far. I love you and I can't wait to see you in New Orleans on friday night!!!!!   :-*

What is really sucess?  Thats the question that will make or break your life. Some are afraid to lose their money while others are poor but rich in spirit. I had money but then i gave it away helping trans with safe housing and then God gave me a veterans pension because God knew i needed something. That was success for me to get that answer from above not the monthly checks i get. To me finding a real meaning to life is what sucess is about. I can passover to the next world knowing where i am going. Many fear leaving this world and fear the loss of money. Right now i live in a house with no plumbing and i burn firewood and grow much of my food and cann much of it too. My taxes are low less than 700.00 total a year. My electric cost are 14.00 a month and my propane and firewood come to maybe 30.00 a month. I hand wash my clothes and body and i caregive my 88 yr old mother and wash her too. I am over 14 yrs post op which i paid for by saving and helping recovering addicts for many yrs with safe housing so they could recover easily. I too was recovering and built those homes from scratch. I once had 6 mortgages and 35 recovering people staying at my buildings. I was cash poor but rich with people whose lives were changing. No i am not all that perfect i had a terrible sex drive and was a letch and hated my sex drive and transitioning took it away and i have been so very very happy ever since. I also got great results transitioning with great depth and passing but i am a celibate and never liked men to date. However, i am happy and see each day as a ocean and i am riding the surfboard of life never knowing where the waves will take me. My life has been a story many say i should write down and sell but i chose to live it. I hope people here will see that life here on earth is but a drop in the bucket of our true existence
hugs Danielle / Danie

Quote from: Irish Janet on January 28, 2011, 10:59:52 PM
I have read that many girls are successful pre-transition and even post-transition, but I really think that there are more girls who barely made it week to week.

You never hear about them until they are attacked, killed or commit the big checkout.  Those are the girls that have been working the hardest.

With respect, while I agree there are many who barely make it, I have to disagree with your point that

QuoteThose are the girls that have been working the hardest.

The vast majority of TS must endure the agony of transition at some point.  I know there are those who, shall we say "Have that old silver spoon to fall back on" but nevertheless I think it's safe to say that we all worked the hardest.  Just saying...

In terms of money and worldly power it depends on how much discrimination you face, what kind of resources you had available before seeking treatment, the area you happen to be in, and probably a few other factors. Save for an uncle who was a doctor, I'm the only one in my family that I know of to get a graduate degree, and even those who went to college weren't in anything like engineering. Of course, no one seems to want to hire someone with this condition. Honestly I think even making it through life at all with such adversity right from the beginning is more successful than some people.

But I agree that it really comes down to a person's own definition of success. I don't really care if I'm ever rich and famous. Sure it'd be nice, and I think I'd be a good person for it because I'd like to help others, but I don't need it. As long as I face each day and each battle with honor, never giving in to those who corrupt me or get rid of me, then I say that is a success, and I know that the Gods will be waiting for me when it is all over. How you live is alot more important than how many digits are in your bank account.

Quote from: JessicaH on August 30, 2011, 05:27:20 PM
I just wanted to say that the OP changed my life in an unimaginable and incredible way. You see, I originally PM'd Melissa instead of posting to the thread and the initial contact was like a match to gasoline. Thank you Melissa for being the most wonderful friend that I ever could have imagined and just being you. It almost brings me to tears when I think about it all so I will just say that the last 7 months of my life have been the best 7 so far. I love you and I can't wait to see you in New Orleans on Friday night!!!!!   :-*

Love you too babe. What a crazy ride this has been. Hard to believe we have spent a month of the last seven months together. Crazy how things worked out to turn our greatest fear and weakness into our greatest gift and asset. We have both done so much for each other it is hard to put it to words. And our lives are just starting.

Had it not been for this post and your reply "way back then" the beauty of this would not have started to unfold. The momentum is building and the future holds nothing but opportunity for both of us. Love you and can't wait to see you again in a few days.

So for those of you reading this and saying "WTF" let me assure you that the the full story will never be told because you would never ever believe us. And yes, god really does have a great sense of humor, you just have to be willing to laugh at yourself! LOL....
-M

Oh, almost forgot to update the topic. Back when I wrote this I was referring mostly to success in a career, basically achieving more than other people with normal skills drive and ambition. I do believe success is more than that and am quite happy NOW with who I am and where I am going, my family, wife and my BFF. Jessica..

That said since this topic was posted we started another company and it is now producing fruit which is paying for the "business trip" to New Orleans this weekend for us and our families and starting after that our laser hair removal and ultimately the whole transition process and support our families.

So, this all came about from this original post and is in doing well in large part because of what we learned of ourselves because we were born trans. And nope, we weren't born rich,In fact the exact opposite was true. I am thankful every day for the gifts this whole process I once thought was gods biggest comic curse has given me.

And no it is not easy. Today was a 17hr day and I just finished dinner and will be up at six am to do it again but I am now grateful for every min of it.....

So if you have the passion don't die with the music still inside you.....

I'd say quite successful for my age. I've accomplished more than what most twice my age have, which is likely why I have a lot of older friends. However, I have not transitioned yet.

I'm glad you had posted this because it has been on my mind a lot lately. I've pushed the boundaries in everything I have done, but most of what I have done wasn't really following what I wanted to do. I usually stand out in the crowd, and am promoted fairly quickly and wind up leading in just about every situation I am a part of. But it has begged the question, will I be this successful when I'm doing what I enjoy? I think most certainly yes. In every business I've held, or every awesome job I've worked, at some point eventually the dysphoria would hit me very very hard. That usually causes me to break down emotionally and give up on everything... Eventually I pull myself back together, and start all over again. I find a new business venture, or start a new career and push the boundaries all over again. It's rather interesting to note that my parents even notice this. Just yesterday my father said he's noticed that I go in a cycle, and in everything I do eventually I become extremely unhappy and he has no clue why  ::)

My reason for being here at Susan's was because the dysphoria was hitting me pretty hard again and I'm fed up of it. My hope is that transitioning will help me to be more successful, settle in one place, and live a more fulfilling and happy life. :)

I guess I am what you would call successful, but being trans has nothing to do with it. 
I worked my self to the bone to get where I am at, male or female, anyone who worked as hard and dilligently as myself would likewise be successful.

I guess the real question that is being asked is: does being trans effect your personality in such a way that one has a natural disposition that favors success?  I think that is an attempt at stereotyping, and that in and of itself goes against what we really are, at least at this point in time.

For the record, hard work runs in my family, and everyone in my family who carries this trait, is successful. (the hard work trait) I find it difficult to believe everyone in my family is trans. Do I think it is impossible? No. :)

I'm not very successful at anything. But that doesnt hold me back.
But I think that my being Trans did give me a drive that was something others did not. I'm self taught in many areas, such as graphic design, computer animation, PC repair, etc. I'm trained in welding, fabrication and welding. I learned all these because they were interesting to me. It was also my way to try and not deal with my one nagging issue. If my mind was too busy it wouldn't wonder back to thoughts of being in the wrong body. In October I'm taking a class through Stanford University on Artificial Intelligence. I'm taking it mainly to see if I am any more successful now that I'm not feeling wrong anymore. My parents had a psychologist test me when I was 11 because I flat out refused to do any more classwork at school. They tell me that the Psychologist said I was extremely bright and with an emotional maturity of someone 2 years older. So maybe my only problem will be boredom?

However, 2 of my college classmates, and both were my best friends, are not in a technical field and still not married. They spend Friday night at the pub drinking.  Now that I think about it, my ex girlfriend from Highschool said I always talked about moving to the US. So I guess that's been a big success. Oh, and going full time at work. I'm living the dream there. ^_^

Quote from: CaitJ on January 29, 2011, 11:33:11 PM
The woefully unsuccessful trans women aren't going to have internet access, so any conclusions drawn from sites like this are horribly skewed.

Too true... As also pointed out in a good book called " The uninvited dilemma " - Author noted that most MTF's had a higher education and above average intelligence, but concluded that the educated were probably more likely to take part and see the benefit in such surveys, hence the outcome.

The simple question is: WHAT IS SUCCESS?!?

If we talk MONEY and only that, it may just not be IT.

If you had a successful transition and used most of it for just THAT... would that be unsuccessful?

If you managed to be who you really are and now comfortable in your skin for the first time in your life - after all is said and done - is that successful.

My answer to the latter be one resounding YES!

There are 'money successful' girls that de-transitioned just to keep that money-success --- and then decided for the BIG check-out.
As are plenty of cis-folks that lost THAT sort of success.
Down-sizing is one hell of a >-bleeped-<-job, I know!

Having lived the last 10 years in a nice house all paid off, with cars, holidays, lovers, cloths, dining out, super HIFI, music, etc. etc. etc. is THAT successful?

Nope! Just living up to one's acceptable standards (at the time) and clinically depressed to boot.
Making $2000 tax-free a day and being clinically depressed is that success? F*ck NO!!

Now it's someone else's turn.

Food for thought?
Axelle
PS: ... if i ever get out of here, all i need is a pint a day, give it all to charity...
"Band on the Run" Wings, and one of those songs that made ME think --- um.

Axelle, I will be landing in Johannasburg around 6 weeks or so and would love to meet you.  PM me and we can try to coordinate things. I will only be in town for a day or two then I will be going to Pemba, Mozambique then Uganda and Kenya.

Not only are less successful people far less likely to have internet access, or jobs that let them browse without worry at work, you'll also find that successful people love talking about their success, while unsuccessful people hate to talk about their lack of it, as it only reinforces their own sense of inadequacy.



To Axélle,
re: Sir Paul singing, . if i ever get out of here, all i need is a pint a day, give it all to charity...

As the Grateful Dead used to sing:
I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way it does in the song