i was just wondering what are some of you guys sexual orientation?
i am pansexual for the most part, i lean more towards cis girls and other ftm but i would never rule out an mtf or cis males
I am pansexual, but my preference changes constantly. The pattern I have found is that it is easier for me to be attracted to women but I grow more attached to male partners.
I like girls... a lot.
I'm straight. I only like women.
I am straight. I don't really understand all these separate sexualities. haha
No preference. I love everyone :P
I like to think of myself as liberal and I like the concept of pansexuality, but honestly I don't want someone manly or a penis that isn't mine. So that rules out pre op MTF (even though I know they are women!), other FTM or cis males. I would consider branching out to bi girls but honestly I would constantly wonder if she was in any way attracted to the residual (unfortunate) "female" parts of me. A post op MTF could be a possibility I've never really thought of it til this second...
But honestly I'd like to think if the right person came along I wouldn't care what shell they were in, but I have only ever dated straight girls and will probably continue to do so.
I like women.
GAY! Flamin'ly so. ;D People have been known to walk into my room and spontaniously combust. ;)
Seriously though, I love me some man. >:-)
I'm pansexual but have a preference for men.
i like people. some times looks is what attracts me, other times the personality. when i learned what pansexuality was, i realized i've been that for as long as i can remember. i've never been able to understand why one should have to treat the sexes/genders differently when it comes to sexual or romantic attraction
I consider myself genderqueer -- I only like women. I don't want to be seen as a hetro male -- I have spent too many years in the lesbian cultural and it's where I feel comfortable so I don't want to be called straight.
I'm a gay pansexual. Normally I say gay-leaning, but I very much like being gay.
I pretty much just prefer those of more masculine gender/gender expression, although sex is never really an issue -- female, male, intersex, sexqueer, I don't care very much. I just kind of prefer the last three. XD
I'm a little irked at the thought of being straight. Even bisexual feels inaccurate to me. So I think in a relationship with a lady, I'd still consider myself gay -- the closest I'd be willing to get to straight would be male lesbian. That term fills me with a really weird sort of glee. XD
Took me a while to figure it out, had my suspicions...I'm definitely gay. Men only. It makes me a little upset with myself, but I don't know if I could date a pre-op/pre-T trans man. Perhaps pre-op/on T would be okay. I'm dating a cismale right now and I'm very happy.
Only attracted to the female species.
Rob's comment was interesting. I feel the opposite. Had some good times in the L community, but it was also a source of pain that I didn't understand until realizing I was in the wrong room.
I tend to refer to myself as 'Try-sexual: Because I'll try anybody once'.
Quote from: bojangles on June 29, 2011, 11:05:31 AM
Rob's comment was interesting. I feel the opposite. Had some good times in the L community, but it was also a source of pain that I didn't understand until realizing I was in the wrong room.
It's not that I ever felt like I was a full member of the group ... but it's the place that let me be myself - be more masculine - challenge gender norms - think freely -- so it's where I feel comfortable.
Now what a melange it all is, hey :-)
Pre-transition I was hetero and would swear that by my grandmother's grave!
(Though plenty folks would have bet I'm a "queen" in the closet pumping iron, hee-hee)
Funny thing happened during about 4 - 6 month into RLE and HRT: I NOTICED MEN to be sexy! Hey hello!
Sexy, wide shoulders narrow waist good looks, athletic muscles, etc. yummy
Yet, I look at girls and like that version *very* much too - include some REALLY attractive MtFs here.
Have no idea where this is all going to end. If asked I say male appears mostly sexy and strong to me, girls as sweet, fluffy and huggable, and ever so nice to be with most of the time and share my secrets. And MtF with the ultimate insight into our dilemma plus some sexy left-overs of the male base-model (post-op by preference?) tuned finely to some athletic kind of girl or even girlie. Some MtFs have a *very* powerful attraction to me I find. Gosh, one could just *eat* them. (oh, oh, Silince of the Lambs?)
Now you go figure!
Luv,
Axelle
Quote from: explorer on June 29, 2011, 07:27:45 AM
i like people. some times looks is what attracts me, other times the personality. when i learned what pansexuality was, i realized i've been that for as long as i can remember. i've never been able to understand why one should have to treat the sexes/genders differently when it comes to sexual or romantic attraction
i agree, but my only problem with everything is personally i find penis to be gross.
I am strictly gay, attracted to maleness, though my tastes have broadened out a lot over the years with respect to the spectrum of maleness I'm attracted to. Over time, I've tended to be more focused on fair-featured and not hyper-masculine guys which is probably why I'm often finding myself attracted to certain FTMs (conceding of course that some are way more masculine than I!). I'm still attracted to more stereotypically masculine guys-- tall, broad-shouldered, athletes, body-builders, really deep voices and thick scratchy facial hair, etc., but I don't make much effort to date them for some reason. I think maybe such a person sends me to an overly submissive mental state that I used to actually like but that I'm no longer quite as comfortable with as I once was.
I think I actually have a psychological block against dating women that goes beyond the physical. There's considerable discomfort with the idea, like it's wrong to sexualize women on some subconscious level. I have been briefly attracted to a boyish woman before only for it to fizzle when I realize she's not male. I think back now to those occasions and wonder if they could have been FTMs. In the same situation today, I would not have the same reaction. That psychological block doesn't appear to be there for FTMs. I think it has helped to hear the stories of a lot of FTMs and get the sense that they are in fact male and really always have been.
I'm jealous of pansexuals and bisexuals. I would love to have such a broad dating pool!
Quote from: ajborelli on June 29, 2011, 12:03:41 PM
i agree, but my only problem with everything is personally i find penis to be gross.
Oh, that almost inspires me to talk about my own sort of complex history of attraction and aversion to different genitalia. haha. But it's a long story and I dare not go into it now.
Quote from: Lee on June 29, 2011, 02:36:21 AM
No preference. I love everyone :P
Quote from: MasonM on June 29, 2011, 11:07:06 AM
I tend to refer to myself as 'Try-sexual: Because I'll try anybody once'.
These! :D And that means you! :-*
I consider myself a lesbian, but I would probably be open to dating a trans man. Straight cis men just disgust me for some reason.
Asexual. This seems to be somewhat rare among FTMs.
I consider myself to be bisexual. Personality and what the person is like is by far the most important thing to me, but physical attraction is necessary for me as well; sometimes physical attraction comes first, and it's either fueled (sometimes heavily, as is the case in one particular situation, haha) or fizzles when the personality is known, and sometimes personality comes first and is followed by physical attraction. But, if I don't find the personality attractive, then it doesn't matter.
So far this has largely worked out, to my knowledge at least, that I tend to be physically attracted to people who also have good personalities, but I'd imagine that's not always the case.
I can't say, however, that I'm pansexual. I have no experience to back that up (whereas I do with being bisexual) and, I have to confess, androgynes and genderqueers I don't really understand -- I understand who they are and how they identify and can identify that way, but I guess I don't understand how the relationship would work as a situation. Perhaps if I were educated on that, that could change, but for now...bisexual. FTMs I see as men (and I expect the same for myself: I am male, I don't identify as FTM even if that is what I technically am, and this has proven an issue in a relationship), MTFs I see as women, intersex I will see them however they identify. So...I don't necessarily see those as a basis for an argument of pansexuality.
All of that said...I also seem to have borderline commitment issues, so...haha. I came to that realization not too long ago. I understand that relationships are about compromises and sacrifices, but I'm looking to make as minimal compromises and sacrifices on what I want to do as possible. Selfish? Perhaps. But I'm also not a guy who feels he needs to be in a relationship, so...it works.
I identify as queer - though I date primarily women. I would definitely be open to dating another trans person (FTM/MTF/GQ/A/etc).
Bisexual, although not so much in practice anymore. I'm pretty sure most people who know me now assume I only like the ladies.
Until I came out a couple of years ago, I was trying (and failing) to live as a heterosexual woman in a 6 year relationship with a hetero man. I was mean to him, cold and indifferent at times, always aloof in public, and overly dominant in many areas of the relationship. That was my own insecurities from being feminized, I resented the hell out of it even though I did it to myself.
Since ending that relationship, I've only dated women. I'm attracted to men (although I have much narrower 'type' criteria with men and more often am romantically attracted to them based on personality than physical attractiveness), but I have to wonder if I have too many issues to ever work out with one, especially sexually. I think in the gay dating world, most of those who would even consider dating me would expect that my anatomy dictates that I be a total bottom, which I'm not. Also, there's my non-sexual dominance issues, so something tells me I'd need time to adjust and be secure in my masculinity before trying to be with another man. It's just as well though, the gay men here aren't even familiar with FTM's, the midwest sucks.
It's a shame though, because there were some real perks to having a male partner, those relationships tended to be lower maintenance and based on deep friendships and mutual interests. So far that seems to be a tall order with the women I've met. What can I say, I have more in common with other men.
Quote from: ajborelli on June 29, 2011, 12:03:41 PM
i agree, but my only problem with everything is personally i find penis to be gross.
i thought i found them gross too, until i got a boyfriend and found out a whole lot of things are possible if there's love (i was a girl at the time, or at least i thought so). now i like penis a lot, but i tend to be more interested in taking good care of the.. uhm, behind..
Quote from: dalebert on June 29, 2011, 12:07:11 PM
I'm jealous of pansexuals and bisexuals. I would love to have such a broad dating pool!
the downside about being one (at least for me) is that it gives me twice the opportunity to get my heart broken. i've fallen for both straight and gay who were of the wrong gender to find me sexually attractive
Quote from: explorer on June 29, 2011, 04:16:24 PM
i thought i found them gross too, until i got a boyfriend and found out a whole lot of things are possible if there's love (i was a girl at the time, or at least i thought so). now i like penis a lot, but i tend to be more interested in taking good care of the.. uhm, behind..the downside about being one (at least for me) is that it gives me twice the opportunity to get my heart broken. i've fallen for both straight and gay who were of the wrong gender to find me sexually attractive
i really dislike cismales for the most part, i am not sure but none of them attract me at all, i am so into FtM and Cisfemales. idk maybe i am just weird
@ajborelli: weird? not at all. you're just you. i like cismales (as well as any other sex/gender variants), but i don't think i could have a relationship with someone who saw me as woman=bottom. i have tried once, but it didn't work. only much later did i realize the reason was that i'm not comfortable in a submissive position. as i am now i'd go for any relationship based on equality or me being more dominant. super masculine men aren't excluded from my interests, power bottoms can be really hot..
I'm one of those people that really thinks no one is 100% one way or the other - just about everyone is a little in-between when it comes to attraction.
I get attracted to personality first, then looks. Sometimes it's a guy sometimes it's a girl. I don't call myself "pansexual" or anything (I'm not even really sure what all these newer terms mean really!) There's only so far I would go with another guy though.
I am straight. Like women only.
I joke around and am up for a good time with anybody regardless of their gender/sex. I am sure an outsider who does not know me would think differently, but at the end of the night it's women only. I just want to enjoy life and have fun while I still can!
I have had some purely sexual experience with some gay/bi men but have only dated women and usually choose women for romantic relationships/sexual encounters. I identify as queer.
I call myself gay but I suppose I'm more homo-flexible. My attractions to other genders fluctuates while my attraction to males stays constant. (And yes, of course this includes trans males.)
Quotei like cismales (as well as any other sex/gender variants), but i don't think i could have a relationship with someone who saw me as woman=bottom. i have tried once, but it didn't work. only much later did i realize the reason was that i'm not comfortable in a submissive position. as i am now i'd go for any relationship based on equality or me being more dominant. super masculine men aren't excluded from my interests, power bottoms can be really hot..
Wow. This exactly.
My problem is that I like really masculine men, but because I'm short and am 'female' everyone automatically assumes I'm fine to be the sub. No way man, no
freaking way. My ex held me down playfully once (I did this to him all the time) and I freaked out, started thrashing around and almost kicked him. :(
Sometimes I think I'd be fine having intimate relations with a woman, especially since a lot of the time I feel more comfortable with them, but I don't have any kind of wish for a relationship with one. I think when it comes to sex alone I'd be fine with pretty much anyone, so long as I got to play a more dominant role. But for relationships and attraction I'm men only.
well before I came out as being Transgendered I only liked women. Now that I'm out as trans I seem to be more attracted/open to men. I like to consider myself as queer. I've never actually been with a man, but am open to the posibilities of being with one...
Had a male gay friend that was after my booty for years.
When I transitioned and he was the first and only person I could think of to speak too.
Let myself get into some intimacy which at that stage worked fine for him... hey, you will know with a guy, right?
But as he found out about my planning GRS and that was pretty much it for him. Now i'm a girl... and that's NOT what gay males want.
Cis-male-gay is attracted to cis-male straight or cis-male-gays as a rule, but do NOT like girl-bit and that includes breasts, even sub-A cups on a pre- or non-op, like self.
Apparently the same goes for gay cis-females. I understand that MtF are generally also not welcome play-mates as many/most have the same aversion for boy-bits, and even if those where just present way back in one's past. Of course narrower hips, less waist and broader shoulders may also play a roll.
Any of your own findings to confirm mine?
Self I'm bi with a "general" preference for cis-female, followed by MtF, cis-male with cis-gay-male a no-no due to past experience.
Also I consider my self definitely a "bottom" and two bottom don't seem to work that well in the sack either.
Axelle
I'm gay. Pretty confusing since I knew I was gay before I knew I was trans, so the whole not being attracted sexually to women thing threw me for a loop and I thought I must be the only person alive that was shocked and confused finding they grew up *straight*! I kept pinging everyone's gaydar anyways, they just thought I was a lesbian!
I wouldn't call the asexuality thing unusual, I still retreat to it as my safe little corner when everything else gets too overwhelming (the "finding an appropriate partner" and "dealing with this clusterf*** that is myself" sorts of things), even though I've discovered I'm not quite as asexual as I thought, when given the right situations. Panromantic, I don't *mind* girls, I just don't like getting up close and personal with girly parts. The ones I wish I didn't have, or anyone else's.
Quote from: Axelle on June 30, 2011, 09:51:56 AM
Any of your own findings to confirm mine?
Axelle
I guess I'll try to
succinctly tell my genitals story... and will probably fail to be succinct.
So when I realized I was gay at 13 because I had a massive crush on another guy at school (that lasted all through H.S.) I was appalled at the idea. Due to all the societal taboo around it ("->-bleeped-<-" was the worse thing you could call someone you didn't like) I told myself
right then and there that I would never NEVER
NEVER do anything gay with another boy's genitals! Ew! Yuck! Gross! That lasted maybe... a week or two before I started fantasizing about this specific boy and his genitals. It was readily apparent to me that being gay was never about genitals. I was crushing on a person and I simply realized that his genitals were a way to make him feel really good. After that, I had plenty of fantasies about male genitals.
Some point since that time I developed quite an aversion to vaginas. I'm appalled by how I acted one time when I was drunk and was actually coaxed into touching one and then ran around he apt holding my hand out in front of me like it was infected and screaming "I touched it! I touched it!" Horrible, but I was
really drunk.
So anyway, I eventually started discovering FTMs that I was attracted to and went through the same process as when I first discovered I was gay. I have a psychological block against dating women and the vagina reaction was just an extension of that block. So in summary, my feedback would that the remaining girl bits are not a big deal to me when I am attracted to the person (due to overall maleness). I've never been one to obsess over genitals beyond that they are a sexual part that's attached to the type of person I'm attracted to. In fact, a big turn off for me is online profiles where some guy posts pics of his junk. Just the idea that he seems obsessed with his own junk or thinks it some big selling point comes across as incredibly shallow and boring.
Breasts are a bigger deal though. I would have a little more reservation about a pre-top-surgery FTM. There's something more overtly female about them that seems to trigger my block.
Quote from: ajborelli on June 29, 2011, 04:44:22 PM
i really dislike cismales for the most part, i am not sure but none of them attract me at all, i am so into FtM and Cisfemales. idk maybe i am just weird
Hey, so I'm not trying to single you out particularly, but this comment basically embodies what I am trying to ask so I figure I'll start here. And my question is: Could you explain this to me a bit more? (This question also goes out to anyone who feels similarly)
So, I'll start with the phrase "I am into cis females". Now I can understand someone being put off by a penis, in that they would not want to have a sexual encounter with one present, but why does that mean you would specify cis females? Because a lot of trans women don't have penises either and are basically indistinguishable from a cis person in every way. And also, say you meet a good looking girl and you are attracted to her, maybe you get lost in the moment and make out or something, but then you find out that she is trans and has her original equipment down there. Now, obviously you don't have to have sex with her but could you say that you "weren't into her"?
And also, I'll put you in a similar situation with a guy. Say you are approached by a guy and you say to him "Sorry, I'm not into cis guys" but then he says "Oh, but I'm trans!" Does this spark some sort of potential attraction that you couldn't have felt before? Are you like, "Oh, maybe I'll reconsider then"? Because I don't really understand how that could work. Unless you are only attracted to trans guys who don't pass for cis?
I'm not trying to attack you, I do really want to understand these attractions you profess. But I would be lying if I said I don't feel like your words are a little othering and transmisogynistic.
Thanks
Quote from: SnailPace on June 30, 2011, 03:14:24 PM
Hey, so I'm not trying to single you out particularly, but this comment basically embodies what I am trying to ask so I figure I'll start here. And my question is: Could you explain this to me a bit more? (This question also goes out to anyone who feels similarly)
So, I'll start with the phrase "I am into cis females". Now I can understand someone being put off by a penis, in that they would not want to have a sexual encounter with one present, but why does that mean you would specify cis females? Because a lot of trans women don't have penises either and are basically indistinguishable from a cis person in every way. And also, say you meet a good looking girl and you are attracted to her, maybe you get lost in the moment and make out or something, but then you find out that she is trans and has her original equipment down there. Now, obviously you don't have to have sex with her but could you say that you "weren't into her"?
And also, I'll put you in a similar situation with a guy. Say you are approached by a guy and you say to him "Sorry, I'm not into cis guys" but then he says "Oh, but I'm trans!" Does this spark some sort of potential attraction that you couldn't have felt before? Are you like, "Oh, maybe I'll reconsider then"? Because I don't really understand how that could work. Unless you are only attracted to trans guys who don't pass for cis?
I'm not trying to attack you, I do really want to understand these attractions you profess. But I would be lying if I said I don't feel like your words are a little othering and transmisogynistic.
Thanks
meaning i do not like penis at all, so i will date a FtM because a lot of FtM's that i know in real life or my brother knows, which he is also a trans man, they do not have penis' they have vaginas still. i do not think having a vagina makes someone less of a man, i just will never date or be sexually involed with anyone with a panis no matter what they identify as, if a MtF is pre op i will not be involved with her.
I identify as queer. I'm comfortable dating people of any gender identity, but I'm not comfortable dating people of certain sexual orientations I guess. I will not date anyone who identifies as lesbian, anyone who is exclusively attracted to cis women and trans men, anyone who is exclusively attracted to women (both cis and trans) and trans men, or anyone who identifies as a straight guy. Pretty much, if you wouldn't date a cis guy, I wouldn't date you. I understand only being attracted to certain genitals, but the thought of suddenly becoming potentially attractive to someone just because they've learned I'm not cis, honestly makes me uncomfortable. Nothing about me changed; the only thing that changed is their assumptions about my body. :-\
Quote from: MaxAloysius on June 29, 2011, 05:51:14 AM
GAY! Flamin'ly so. ;D People have been known to walk into my room and spontaniously combust. ;)
Seriously though, I love me some man. >:-)
Quote from: SnailPace on June 30, 2011, 03:14:24 PM
I'm not trying to attack you, I do really want to understand these attractions you profess. But I would be lying if I said I don't feel like your words are a little othering and transmisogynistic.
I'm quoting that specific part because I admit I am about to say something that will piss a lot of people off. Fact is there are other questions like can trans people (mtf or ftm) actually fit into the "regular" dating box of their cis counterparts? I have dated cismen, ciswomen, ftms and am currently married to a pre-op mtf. The transmen I have dated do not hold the same romantic qualities and interactions cismen had. Same goes for ciswomen and mtfs.
There are some things that just don't seem to pass over for everyone. For example, one transman I dated could not get himself out of the more stereotypical female ideas of sex when it came to his roll in it. There was more cuddling, touchy feely romance than with the cismen I had dated. Opposite with my experience with mtf women and ciswomen. The majority if mtf women I dated still had issues with taking on a more male role in bed. I know this is not true of even necessarily a majority of trans people but it's still a question that comes into play.
Now here is where we hit another question though. Is it honestly that they act more male or female in bed or is it really just a stupid thing society has taught us? Is there ACTUALLY a way to be male or female in bed or is it just how that person in particular is? Without having an actual answer for that there isn't really a way to unravel it. There are things society tells us, men are in control, men are dom in bed... but that isn't true of every man, and not every woman is the opposite.
Sooooo.... is it the lover or is it my learned expectations of what the lover should do based upon their gender?
There are still days I have to remind my wife that certain things don't have to be applied to her any longer, like she does not have to protect me and take care of me. She was raised in the way where a man took care of his family, and she was taught that is what she would have to do someday. Sometimes we argue because it is hard for her to let me take care of her, or let me carry the weight when it comes to bills/working/etc, and it makes her feel bad if I am the person who is the "bread winner". She feels like this is her job, and even though it was taught to her that she should do this because she was a man, now that she lives as a woman she cannot let go of that idea. I was raised in a household that taught me it's 50/50, both partners do their fair share, etc.
I think the real question is rather or not there is actually a way to be "male" or "female" in bed regardless of your body or if it is all just something that will be different for each of us based on what we were taught?
__________________________________
To answer the original question I identify as bisexual. Although typically around other men I would call myself straight, more out of personal comfort with my friends. The girls I am friends with know that I will go either way, but I am truly picky about what cismen and transmen I will be with. I prefer females for the romantic/emotional attachment, but when it comes to sex I'm completely open lol.
Well... I'm told it doesn't matter what your orientation is once you're "taken"... my fiancee is a cisgendered chick, and she's the only one I anticipate being with ever again.
That said, I still consider myself to be bisexual. Before anyone attacks me for not being "pansexual", I feel like that word denotes that ftms and mtfs are not men or women. Then there's androgynes, with whom I have no problem, but for god's sakes, do we really need a term for everything?
So I'm bi. Whatever. I've been with cis-chicks, mtfs, bioguys, an androgyne, and an ftm. I've never really cared about what's in someone's pants or by what pronouns they're referred, just whether or not we're compatible and there's that "spark". Before T, I thought I was straight... i.e., for many years I identified as a lesbian before knowing what it was to be trans, and was disgusted at the thought of being with a guy, though I dated quite a few in my teen years. After T, I found a new appreciation for men/maleness, and now find that I prefer guys. However, you can't choose who you fall in love with. I admit, my genital dysphoria is far greater, being with a chick, but oh well.
Sorry, kind of blanked out at the end there. The point of my last post is that without an answer to the questions about rather or not it's our own expectations or if there is ACTUALLY a way each gender should act in bed it's hard to really know, is someone being cruel or misguided when they say they only would date cisfemales and not mtf women? If there is an actual difference, something scientific or whatever that makes us act differently in bed based on our genders then is it fair to say that not all trans people will cross that bridge and this will make a difference to their partners as time passes?
So many questions I can't even wrap my little mind around them lol. It's late, maybe I just need sleep. I will be interested in seeing what some other people add by tomorrow afternoon though :)
Quote from: Axelle on June 30, 2011, 09:51:56 AM
Cis-male-gay is attracted to cis-male straight or cis-male-gays as a rule, but do NOT like girl-bit and that includes breasts, even sub-A cups on a pre- or non-op, like self.
Apparently the same goes for gay cis-females. I understand that MtF are generally also not welcome play-mates as many/most have the same aversion for boy-bits, and even if those where just present way back in one's past. Of course narrower hips, less waist and broader shoulders may also play a roll.
Any of your own findings to confirm mine?
My experience is it seems to be more about the hormones than any particular body part. It seems that most people react instinctively by smell/taste more than anything - that includes men, despite all the stuff about us being more visual. Yes, visual turnons work to make us generally aroused, but when it comes to "chemistry," it's mostly...well, chemical.
Quote from: kyril on July 01, 2011, 02:12:50 AM
My experience is it seems to be more about the hormones than any particular body part. It seems that most people react instinctively by smell/taste more than anything - that includes men, despite all the stuff about us being more visual. Yes, visual turnons work to make us generally aroused, but when it comes to "chemistry," it's mostly...well, chemical.
Very true. My wife and I had been on hormones for nearly 3 years and always had a ton of sparks between us. Since we've been off them for about 8 months now we have definitely fizzled down a lot. (For anyone curious we went off them with the intentions of getting pregnant but simply cannot stand life without them and are going back on lol)
I've found myself really missing the ways girls smell, the way their skin feels, etc, recently. And in turn I've met a girl I am very attracted to who is NOT my wife. It has been really hard on us but we are aware of what the actual issues are. Thankfully the other woman is a good friend and completely understands that it's not really a thing I have going on with "her" it's a thing I have going on with my wife. She has remained my friend and handled the whole thing very well. As we like to joke about, I don't really have a crush on her, I have a crush on the idea of "female" that she happens to represent to me right this minute. I'm not getting that need fulfilled at home and I got a case of wandering eyes. Our marriage is certainly not in trouble, we just had to come to the point where we realized that some things have changed with our physical chemistry. After talking about it we decided the best course was to go back on our hormones and hopefully will find our way back to each other through doing so.
After talking with my friend about it for a few months now I do know that I really miss these things about women, but more in particular I miss them in my wife. I miss HER smell and the way SHE feels.
So yeah... maybe I just needed to ramble about that a bit too lol. But it did give me the perfect opportunity to ramble and also prove your point lol
I am gay. Very very gay. I like men, a lot, gay men, that is. Though I have had crushes on two straight men, but I swear my gaydar went off the first time I met them! I do worry however, that another gay male will never date me bc I'm missing very important male parts.
Quote from: Sebastien on July 01, 2011, 01:30:53 AM
Before anyone attacks me for not being "pansexual", I feel like that word denotes that ftms and mtfs are not men or women. Then there's androgynes, with whom I have no problem, but for god's sakes, do we really need a term for everything?
My thoughts on this. People who define their pansexuality as liking 'men, women, and trans people' absolutely kill me. Through personal experience, everyone I've met in real life that has said this has been someone who was just co-opting the identity to be trendy. In my experience, it's also generally the 'trendy' ones who are shaming people for being bi and not pan. The point of pansexuality is that it also includes non-binary genders (e.g. agender people, bigender people, genderqueer people, etc.) So, I
do think we need a term to differentiate this from bisexuality because there is a difference. I
do not think you should put up with anyone saying that ftms and mtfs are not men and women or shaming you for your sexual orientation. Bisexuality and pansexuality are equally valid orientations. (So, there's my rant for the day I guess. I used to identify as pan until I kept meeting the 'trendy' ones and didn't feel comfortable associating myself with them. Not all pan people are like that though; I have some good friends who are pansexual and they don't 'other' trans people or shame bi people.)
Quote from: Brendon on July 01, 2011, 09:54:25 AM
My thoughts on this. People who define their pansexuality as liking 'men, women, and trans people' absolutely kill me. Through personal experience, everyone I've met in real life that has said this has been someone who was just co-opting the identity to be trendy. In my experience, it's also generally the 'trendy' ones who are shaming people for being bi and not pan. The point of pansexuality is that it also includes non-binary genders (e.g. agender people, bigender people, genderqueer people, etc.) So, I do think we need a term to differentiate this from bisexuality because there is a difference. I do not think you should put up with anyone saying that ftms and mtfs are not men and women or shaming you for your sexual orientation. Bisexuality and pansexuality are equally valid orientations. (So, there's my rant for the day I guess. I used to identify as pan until I kept meeting the 'trendy' ones and didn't feel comfortable associating myself with them. Not all pan people are like that though; I have some good friends who are pansexual and they don't 'other' trans people or shame bi people.)
personally i just like the term pansexual instead of bisexual, i do think they are basically the same thing though.
Im intersex or indeterminate.
Quote from: Natalie3174 on July 01, 2011, 12:27:10 PM
Im intersex or indeterminate.
but that's not a sexual orientation is it? isn't it just who/what you are? what sexes/genders do you like or prefer as intersex?
Quote from: ajborelli on July 01, 2011, 12:13:24 PM
personally i just like the term pansexual instead of bisexual, i do think they are basically the same thing though.
do you mean you're pansexual or bisexual then?
i personally used to think i was bisexual since i like both men and women. had to redefine myself after reading the definition of pansexual, as my interests aren't actually restricted to men and women. i could potentially fall in love with any and all gender variations, and there are no variants of genitalia that i wouldn't be interested in. i'm not sure all bisexuals could be attracted to any combination of both spectrums like i could
Im just a collector sorry I can not answer.
Technically I am pansexual but I find the general population is not familiar with that term so I simplify and call myself bi.
Quote from: SnailPace on June 30, 2011, 03:14:24 PM
Hey, so I'm not trying to single you out particularly, but this comment basically embodies what I am trying to ask so I figure I'll start here. And my question is: Could you explain this to me a bit more? (This question also goes out to anyone who feels similarly)
___________________________________
I'm not trying to attack you, I do really want to understand these attractions you profess. But I would be lying if I said I don't feel like your words are a little othering and transmisogynistic.
So I just have to say it. I tried not to... but obviously I am back, so I could not keep from doing this. This is not to attack you but for real, if that was your question the whole time why didn't you JUST ask? lol
I see this all the time on here, these roundabout vague questions and after like 2 or 3 pages go by suddenly someone says the exact thing the OP was fishing for. And it's almost always to discuss something that the OP does not personally agree with. Then we do this whole "not to attack you" thing with it and try to have a convo. Which is all cool, but sometimes it sucks being the person who gets caught on the hook guys.
Can we all agree to try a bit harder to just be upfront instead of playing games with our posts to reel in a victim? lol
I'm seriously not trying to be mean, and I am not addressing just this one OP or post by any means. But at the same time it is true that I'm totally calling you out on it ;)
I define as bi, mostly because it would be dishonest to my past to use any other term. (I have had both male and female lovers and each relationship was important.)
Before transition I was bi with a preference for women. Since transition I have been almost exclusively attracted to men, which kind of sucks because A)I have women interested in me all the time but no men and B)for some strange reason I always seem to come up on everyone's radar as a lesbian. It's kind of frustrating me right now. :-\
I'm more attracted to women, but I don't see anything wrong with a man.
Though I would like to meet an mtf :////)
Quote from: Robert Scott on June 29, 2011, 08:04:36 AM
I don't want to be seen as a hetro male -- I have spent too many years in the lesbian cultural and it's where I feel comfortable so I don't want to be called straight.
True, I am finding it totally weird when my friends are introducing me as a straight dude now (regardless of the fact that yes, I am that, technically), and no idea why I had to be even introduced as a straight dude to a gay guy who was looking to get some translation done... Are we, the LGBTQ community, really sexual orientation/gender identity Nazis?! The funny thing was I had not heard about the translation job after that - so I guess I didn't pass the "gay" test.
Quote from: coyote on June 29, 2011, 01:12:40 PM
Asexual. This seems to be somewhat rare among FTMs.
But is asexuality a sexual orientation? By the very definition sexual orientation is about being attracted sexually, physically, emotionally to some or the other or both. If so, I am not sure that asexuality is a sexual orientation. PS: Have had this discussion with many asexuals (admittedly non-FTM), and someone is yet to convince me that asexuality is a sexual orientation.
Quote from: Jav on July 02, 2011, 12:53:20 AM
But is asexuality a sexual orientation? By the very definition sexual orientation is about being attracted sexually, physically, emotionally to some or the other or both. If so, I am not sure that asexuality is a sexual orientation. PS: Have had this discussion with many asexuals (admittedly non-FTM), and someone is yet to convince me that asexuality is a sexual orientation.
I use the term only because it's becoming widely accepted, but I have no problem adhering to your definition and simply saying I lack sexual orientation altogether. I used to call myself non-sexual or say "I'm nothing" before I heard of asexual being used to describe a complete absence of sexual attraction.
Quote from: coyote on July 02, 2011, 02:38:46 AM
I use the term only because it's becoming widely accepted, but I have no problem adhering to your definition and simply saying I lack sexual orientation altogether. I used to call myself non-sexual or say "I'm nothing" before I heard of asexual being used to describe a complete absence of sexual attraction.
@Coyote Have you begun the HRT? Are you in a country where you need to get a psych evaluation to qualify for the HRT? If so, I am just wondering how the shrink-age institution deals with asexual transsexuals. I am sure it would come up with the whole "asexual because in deep denial of one's sex" thing. So curious. Be glad to hear if you've had any troubles with such institutions being an asexual FTM. PS: Of course, I believe that one's gender identity is separate from one's sexual orientation, but we do experience our bodies in a sexed way, through sexualisation, so somehow they do get mixed up to a certain degree. Your thoughts and experiences?...
Jav... Yeah, I've been on T since last November. I'm in Canada and I was required to have a psych evaluation first, yes. I really expected the asexuality thing to be an issue that would hinder my receiving approval for HRT, but it wasn't at all. I figured I'd be misunderstood and be forced to work extra hard to "prove myself" and defend my position, but it never happened. I was honest about it from the get-go and it was never brought into question in terms of validating my gender identity. The most that was said was HRT can increase sex drive and it's possible I may develop sexual desire/attraction despite experiencing none before. However, that hasn't happened, and when I report my changes (or lack thereof) to my endocrinologist, she simply accepts what I say and doesn't question it. Everyone on board (endo, GP, psych, etc.) seems genuinely interested in learning from my personal experiences with the whole process as opposed to forcing previously held beliefs on me. I honestly can't complain about the way I've been treated at all.
Quote from: Jav on July 02, 2011, 12:53:20 AM
But is asexuality a sexual orientation? By the very definition sexual orientation is about being attracted sexually, physically, emotionally to some or the other or both. If so, I am not sure that asexuality is a sexual orientation. PS: Have had this discussion with many asexuals (admittedly non-FTM), and someone is yet to convince me that asexuality is a sexual orientation.
Well I think this is about as pathetic as the atheists who claim that atheism is not a religion. To me, it's like, who cares? It drives me crazy when people get obsessed with detailed and being technically/logically correct when everyone already knows what you mean.
When I ask someone, "what religion are you?" And they respond with, "Atheist." That answered my question. And I don't think that have to be implying that atheism is a religion to answer that question like that. They could be more specific and say, "I don't have a religion. I am atheist." But they got the same point across in less words with the first answer.
And if I was to make a list of world religion, I would include atheism because it goes in that category. It's not going to have a category all on it's own. It's all a part of beliefs about god.
And similarly to sexual orientation, When I ask someone, "What is your sexual orientation?" And they reply with "asexual." That answered my question. They didn't need to say anymore.
And asexuality would still go in the category of sexual orientation.
Quote from: JohnAlex on July 02, 2011, 03:38:53 PM
Well I think this is about as pathetic as the atheists who claim that atheism is not a religion. To me, it's like, who cares? It drives me crazy when people get obsessed with detailed and being technically/logically correct when everyone already knows what you mean.
Well if we do want to be technical about it one of the dictionary definitions of asexual is to lack interest in or desire for sex. So.... if someone feels that way why wouldn't asexual be their orientation? What else would they be? Non-practicing? lol
If there was another word for it that was commonly used I'd get the idea of it not being considered a sexual orientation, but there isn't. Asexual is the word we commonly use in this situation and it also happens to be one of the definitions of the word, so I don't see how it isn't a valid orientation to begin with.
Quote from: coyote on July 02, 2011, 01:43:57 PM
However, that hasn't happened, and when I report my changes (or lack thereof) to my endocrinologist, she simply accepts what I say and doesn't question it. Everyone on board (endo, GP, psych, etc.) seems genuinely interested in learning from my personal experiences with the whole process as opposed to forcing previously held beliefs on me. I honestly can't complain about the way I've been treated at all.
@Coyote That's really totally fantastic, and of course this sort of accepting/learning attitudes/practices can only be found in Canada (no offence to folks from other countries, esp good ol' US of A). Love your country, mate: got married there to my ex wife in 2005. I am really glad that the institutions are opening up to such an extent.
@JohnAlex and @Cowboi No offence was meant, and none was taken by Coyote himself here. I am just looking at the definition of "sexual orientation" from the accepted international legal documents, which, note, are still evolving. So let's see in a few years, shall we.