So something has been bugging me lately. I wish I had a group of guy friends to just hang with, play video games, watch baseball, workout at the gym, etc. Does anyone have the experience with this happening naturally after starting transitioning? It's been almost 3 years for me, and I wonder what I do wrong where I can't just be "one of the guys". maybe I need to learn some social skills but I'm also in my 30's, lol.
any advice or life experiences is much appreciated.
i have always had a bunch of cis girl friends and a bunch of lgbt friends. i only recently started building a group of guy friends but its difficult as all the guys i know know im trans as they go to my school. i have a really good guy friend and im trying to get more guy friends by getting closer to his friends.
easiest way to get guy friends would be to go to places where guys tend to gather. at my uni those were the anime, go, and japan clubs for me. any kind of workout will usually also take you to places with lots of guys. conversations will happen naturally if you're in a place you feel comfortable, so stick to your own interests when looking for new friends
I want guy friends too. :(
Since you mentioned liking baseball, sports bars are a great place to make new guy friends. Watching a game makes it easier to start up a conversation because there's usually a good play or controversial call you can talk about with the guy next to you.
Gyms aren't really conducive to socializing unless you go to one of those full-service places with tennis courts and a restaurant/bar. If it's just a weights/cardio gym, people tend to just do their workout and get out as fast as possible. Most of the people at my current gym have headphones on so you can't even talk to 'em during your workout. If you like to play sports, try looking for a rec league team to join.
It does get harder to find new friends as you get older, so there may not be anything wrong with your social skills. I'm also in my 30s and all of a sudden I'm having to make an effort to meet new people instead of just randomly falling into groups of friends like I used to.
Well seeming i was forced to grow up as a boy i know both how to lose and get guy friends. The key word is dont be a "girl" dont aww, dont cry, dont let a boy hit you with out a fight, dont stop a boy from commenting on a girl, and bring up simple comments to start a conversation and just role with whatever they talk about. These are how i did it but dont forget never was a real boy so i just learnt how to fool it and those random stereotypical ways work lol. good luck!!
Oh oh here try the bro code men love this thing!! everything aBOUT THIS I FIND WEIRD AND I GUESS THATS THE POINT!! and you can find the audio one somewhere mwa mwa good luck!!
http://www.thebrocode.co.uk/ (http://www.thebrocode.co.uk/)
http://www.thebrocode.org/ (http://www.thebrocode.org/)
http://thebroscode.com/ (http://thebroscode.com/)
www.facebook.com/pages/The-Bro-Code/28812359573 (http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Bro-Code/28812359573)
Believe it or not but it works haha
Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I need to get out more and try to do things that interest me. I'm a bit of an introvert, so it can be hard though. :-\
And you are right Driven, i think it can be more difficult the older we get.
My interests are usually seen as quite traditionally "manly" or at least "boyish" - I like video games, tabletop roleplaying games, and science (currently into physics, and as a Newtonian fella I find the idea of quantum physics bizarre and I wish it wasn't so). I've always found it easier to "connect" with guys, no matter my age.
My method for socializing is simple: Join groups/clubs/whatever relevant for your interests, whenever someone talks about something interesting you should walk up to them and start talking with them. The thing about groups/clubs is because it's often easier to socialize when you share a few things with the people around you, and shared interests ted to build friendships. The thing about walking up two people and join their conversation is because of similar reasons. This might not fare well with everyone, some might find you too "pushy" and consider you annoying, but for me it's worked.
I grew up as a weird guylike anomaly, so I used to get along better with men than with women (we're talking hetero/cis folks here, which were the only kind I knew growing up in Conservative Land). When I moved out of state and everyone started treating me as female and expecting me to understand feminine interactions I got really confoozed.
The one big rule I can think of is this: don't go into a situation thinking "I want to be one of the guys, damn it." Go into it saying, "I'm one of the guys, damn it."
I am pretty gender neutral when it comes to friends, I got both male and female friends and probely more females but I dont really care..
if you want a group of guy friends maybe you could join some kind of sport or activetys who mainly include males..,
I remember when I where younger I played alot of soccer, and it where alwas 0 or very few girls, so you easly became on of the guys on the team, it very pretty nice and I enjoyed the company, I also got invited to an all boy party, even thought I never play videogames, and stuff I enjoyed it.
or if your lazy I guess you could get video games sleep overs and stuff, playing conterstrike or something?
Quote from: Natkat on July 18, 2011, 11:05:00 AM
I am pretty gender neutral when it comes to friends, I got both male and female friends and probely more females but I dont really care..
if you want a group of guy friends maybe you could join some kind of sport or activetys who mainly include males..,
I remember when I where younger I played alot of soccer, and it where alwas 0 or very few girls, so you easly became on of the guys on the team, it very pretty nice and I enjoyed the company, I also got invited to an all boy party, even thought I never play videogames, and stuff I enjoyed it.
or if your lazy I guess you could get video games sleep overs and stuff, playing conterstrike or something?
First thing dont call them a video games sleep overs, guys have a complex about sleep overs lol its a lan simple as that. I agree try gaming its a good easy way to make male friends,
I don't know other word for it in english?
it generally when you go home to someone to play videogames for the whole night,
you dont sleep just stay up the whole night, I dont know what it called?
Accepted term is 'lan' Sir yes 'lan' weird but true :D :D :D :D
Can't really help, since my friends are mainly cismales anyway, but I still don't really feel like 'one of the guys'. I'm not 'one of the girls' either - I'm just in the middle. That said, we already hang out as a three and watch shows together, and one of them suggested we be gym buddies next year. I think it's one of those things that just happens when you find the right friends. I can't really give any advice, since being 20 years old in university is a lot different to being in your thirties, but good luck!
What's the best way to get into group gaming with other guys? I'm pretty sucky with video games, even though I enjoy them quite a bit. Just don't want to seem like a poser is all.
Does/has anyone gotten into live action role playing games with other guys successfully?
Quote from: Wolfsnake on July 18, 2011, 01:52:51 AM
The one big rule I can think of is this: don't go into a situation thinking "I want to be one of the guys, damn it." Go into it saying, "I'm one of the guys, damn it."
Excellent point Wolfsnake, thanks! Confidence is important I keep hearing...
Quote from: Kerberos on July 18, 2011, 02:08:57 PM
What's the best way to get into group gaming with other guys? I'm pretty sucky with video games, even though I enjoy them quite a bit. Just don't want to seem like a poser is all.
Does/has anyone gotten into live action role playing games with other guys successfully?
I think Squirrel983 (I forget the number, something like that) LARPs, try asking him. You won't be a poser if you actually enjoy playing. I easily score the worst out of my buds on COD: UO, and keep getting my ass kicked on Age of Empires, but because I find them a lot of fun, there's no awkward 'trying to fit in' vibe. It's just a shared interest. You kinda need some friends interested in it first though, and a game they all generally like. COD can usually fill that hole ;)
well i am ex pro of command and conquer tib 4 my pc stopped playing it so i gave up. Trust me i was go ask any pro in that game if they ever played with LilKitty any who seeming i stopped and was good at games heres some tips just play for fun gosh anyways guys like teaching other guys how to get their butts wiped its good bonding but try call of duty i found myself in games always invited to clans and kicked right after i said i was a girl lol. The simple fact if your bad or good a boy will be accepted for just playing video games but not sims my fav game ever but a complete social life killer for boys.
therefore zoeys top tips for being a gamer boy:
Practice how you think i became a pro in a game duh!
have fun
be a sore winner but not a as***le
Never ever ever challenged your friends
always be ready for a game.
These may sound stupid but from a girl trying to be a boy they worked perfectly hope this helps!
my neighbor and i have always been really close to each other, he is 3 years younger than i am, i taught him how to skateboard and taught him how to get girls, and we would play video games together all the time, basically you couldnt seperate us when we were little and than my best friend is also a guy. he happens to be gay but he is stilll all male. now i mainly hang out with my neighbor and all his friends and the skateboarding crew. all guys and all we really do is skate. they help me through a lot, especaily CJ, when we skate a lot of the guys like to take there shirts off and they dont really remember or take note i cant do that cuz they forget i am trans and not full male, but even though CJ has an amazing body he will stay with me and keep his shirt on with me as well. and when we all go swimming james keeps a shirt on with me knowing how ugh i get about it. my guy friends are really accepting of me and i love it. most of the friends i have that are girls are gay or bisexual so they are just like okay as long as you smile idgaf and my sister even though shes a girl shes gay and pretty manly i love her but we play video games and i try to get her to skate and all.
One thing that worked for me was meeting people on social media sites from the comfort of my own home and then meeting them in real life after we became friendly. Also as have been said just getting involved in anything you like.
It is MUCH easier to make new friends than to try to convert the old.
Quote from: Kerberos on July 18, 2011, 02:08:57 PM
What's the best way to get into group gaming with other guys? I'm pretty sucky with video games, even though I enjoy them quite a bit. Just don't want to seem like a poser is all.
Does/has anyone gotten into live action role playing games with other guys successfully?
Solobear is correct! I do live action role paying. I'm really glad I started because I have made friends both male and female. I'm beginning to see them outside of the game as well. Which tells me they do like having me around.
Not only that, it's great practice for gaining social skills and learning how to be a man in a man's world. My character is a young naive vampire so it makes perfect sense that he isn't completely up to par with the rest of the undead.
If you are interested I could try to get you in contact with the chapter of the Camarilla closest to you. There are also werewolf games, magic games and fae games, if you've had enough of vampires.
I 've found that its easier for me to make female friends then it is to make male friends. That probably has something to do with growing up as a "girl". I don't know what it is but to me, girls seem more accepting. I could be wrong though. It has just always been easier to talk to girls. I wish I could have guy friends. I'm just worried about not being included as one of the guys.
How I've always made friends is just by letting it happen. In class, on a team, somewhere social, just start talking to the people around you. Shortly you will figure out who you mesh with, then just let the conversation flow.
Quote from: Kerberos on July 18, 2011, 02:08:57 PM
What's the best way to get into group gaming with other guys? I'm pretty sucky with video games, even though I enjoy them quite a bit. Just don't want to seem like a poser is all.
Does/has anyone gotten into live action role playing games with other guys successfully?
I don't do any sort of organized group gaming, but I will play video games with friends, CoD mostly. I'm younger and in college where pretty much everyone plays CoD so it's pretty common for a conversation around it to start then everyone will exchange Gamertags/PSN ID's. If yous guys decided to play at each others houses offer to bring the pizza or beer. I know it sounds cliche, but I don't think I ever gone over someones house to play video games and pizza and beer was absent since I was 12. There was Chinese food once, but passing around a controller sticky with General Tso sauce isn't the best. And you don't need a plate to eat pizza. If you want to get better play more and watch videos on YouTube.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on July 19, 2011, 01:49:12 PM
If you are interested I could try to get you in contact with the chapter of the Camarilla closest to you. There are also werewolf games, magic games and fae games, if you've had enough of vampires.
I'm interested! :)
Does it matter being someone who is new to this type of gaming and having no experience though? I like vampire rpgs. If you're able and wanting, pm me and I'll get my info to you.
Quote from: Brent123 on July 19, 2011, 05:48:20 PM
I 've found that its easier for me to make female friends then it is to make male friends. That probably has something to do with growing up as a "girl". I don't know what it is but to me, girls seem more accepting. I could be wrong though. It has just always been easier to talk to girls. I wish I could have guy friends. I'm just worried about not being included as one of the guys.
not only because you were brought up as a 'girl but also because most girls are given the mommmy syndrome(no obviously some girls dont have it) this means being more accepting and nurturing is how they are, also girls are brought up to be 'nice,girlie,feminine,accepting' thats just how society works.
Now boys they are brought up to be 'rough, mean and told compassion and crying are crimes' so therefore they grow to be less accepting and more of a jerk than a girl.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on July 19, 2011, 01:49:12 PM
Solobear is correct! I do live action role paying. I'm really glad I started because I have made friends both male and female. I'm beginning to see them outside of the game as well. Which tells me they do like having me around.
Not only that, it's great practice for gaining social skills and learning how to be a man in a man's world. My character is a young naive vampire so it makes perfect sense that he isn't completely up to par with the rest of the undead.
If you are interested I could try to get you in contact with the chapter of the Camarilla closest to you. There are also werewolf games, magic games and fae games, if you've had enough of vampires.
i want to go back int LARPing haha. i did it once
Get into Warhammer, painting figures is a nice social activity. You'll get to trash-talk the other guys' armies, joke about the canon stuff, and generally have fun. Have a couple beers, talk, laugh, curse as you messed up the paint job a bit... A little like what I'd imagine being a sports fan is like, except without the sports themselves (raised by nerdy parents, so not a big fan of sports). I play as Dark Elves, I get a bit of flak for choosing the "gay army", but my army has nearly-naked chicks in it, and the guy who makes the "gay" jokes has no females at all in his army (he plays as High Elves). Mostly guys will be into Warhammer, I have never met a girl who liked it (all nerdy girls I know like Japanese RPGs, sigh...).
I never felt like getting a group of guys to do things that are often considered manly. I've been transitioning for maybe 7 years. I have a couple guy friends...a mix of cis and trans...some queer, some not.
Quote from: Wolfsnake on July 18, 2011, 01:52:51 AM
I grew up as a weird guylike anomaly, so I used to get along better with men than with women (we're talking hetero/cis folks here, which were the only kind I knew growing up in Conservative Land). When I moved out of state and everyone started treating me as female and expecting me to understand feminine interactions I got really confoozed.
The one big rule I can think of is this: don't go into a situation thinking "I want to be one of the guys, damn it." Go into it saying, "I'm one of the guys, damn it."
Minus the growing up in Conservative Land, I can totally relate to this. I always had more guy friends and the girl friends I had treated me distinctly different from their other girl friends. It was like even back then they knew I wasn't "one of them". Even today I still feel awkward around a group of females. I don't really get their whole elaborate "thing" (for lack of a better word) about interacting with one another that they do. I always feel like the odd man out, literally. I've tried to act the part on occasion and I think I have reached "secret circle of females" status on a couple occasions but it seriously does feel like I've sneaked into some secret society! lol
Most guys I've known do not play any kind of "head games" - they're pretty straight forward. They just really act like themselves most of the time. And that's a key thing - be yourself. If you try to force it and try to be more stereotypically "guy", then you'll come off weird.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on July 19, 2011, 01:49:12 PM
Solobear is correct! I do live action role paying. I'm really glad I started because I have made friends both male and female. I'm beginning to see them outside of the game as well. Which tells me they do like having me around.
Not only that, it's great practice for gaining social skills and learning how to be a man in a man's world. My character is a young naive vampire so it makes perfect sense that he isn't completely up to par with the rest of the undead.
If you are interested I could try to get you in contact with the chapter of the Camarilla closest to you. There are also werewolf games, magic games and fae games, if you've had enough of vampires.
Ha! Yeah LARPS are awesome!
Quote from: insideontheoutside on July 21, 2011, 07:22:47 PM
Most guys I've known do not play any kind of "head games" - they're pretty straight forward. They just really act like themselves most of the time. And that's a key thing - be yourself. If you try to force it and try to be more stereotypically "guy", then you'll come off weird.
this is probably what makes me come off as a guy online. i'm simply myself all the time. doesn't work the same way irl because i don't present as male, but i'm still usually never treated like a girl
Quote from: insideontheoutside on July 21, 2011, 07:22:47 PM
Minus the growing up in Conservative Land, I can totally relate to this. I always had more guy friends and the girl friends I had treated me distinctly different from their other girl friends. It was like even back then they knew I wasn't "one of them". Even today I still feel awkward around a group of females. I don't really get their whole elaborate "thing" (for lack of a better word) about interacting with one another that they do. I always feel like the odd man out, literally.
I can relate to all of this too (including the Conservative Land, unfortunately). At my last office job, there was one cisguy in my department, me, and about 5 women. The women related to the cisguy and me totally differently than they did to each other. One of the ladies even liked tormenting the two of us with disgusting stories about periods and pregnancy when we all went out to lunch. This stuff happened while I was presenting completely female and wearing blouses and women's pants to work every day, so it definitely has more to do with attitude and mannerisms than physical appearance.
QuoteMost guys I've known do not play any kind of "head games" - they're pretty straight forward. They just really act like themselves most of the time. And that's a key thing - be yourself. If you try to force it and try to be more stereotypically "guy", then you'll come off weird.
This is some awesome advice. Guys will call you out on it if you're trying too hard.
Quote from: insideontheoutside on July 21, 2011, 07:22:47 PM
. I've tried to act the part on occasion and I think I have reached "secret circle of females" status on a couple occasions but it seriously does feel like I've sneaked into some secret society! lol
Most guys I've known do not play any kind of "head games" - they're pretty straight forward. They just really act like themselves most of the time. And that's a key thing - be yourself. If you try to force it and try to be more stereotypically "guy", then you'll come off weird.
THIS. Ugh. I tried really hard to be a girl during college, and I ended up in girly groups doing girly things and feeling like "WTF I don't belong here!" all the time. Your second point is very true as well. I still have a lot of trouble interacting with women because there's always subtext. And I'm just that dumb guy who takes her at her word, yanno?
I am so glad I'm gay some days...
Anyhoo, before I sound like a mysogynist, I'd like to state for the record that my two best friends in the universe are female. They just don't pull girly bull->-bleeped-<-.
Quote from: Kerberos on July 18, 2011, 02:08:57 PM
What's the best way to get into group gaming with other guys? I'm pretty sucky with video games, even though I enjoy them quite a bit. Just don't want to seem like a poser is all.
Most guys don't care if you are not good at games just that you try. Also practice makes perfect.
At my school most the guys (and a rare few girls) Play magic and yugioh and there are people that loose almost every game but no one cares as long as they are not wining about it. When I play xbox with my guy friends they don;t get mad if I lose just as long as I try my best and don't act like a total idiot (running into crossfire, blocking a teammates feild of vision, accidentally shooting teammates) so if you wanna be a gamer go ahead.
Quote from: Natkat on July 18, 2011, 11:37:43 AM
I don't know other word for it in english?
it generally when you go home to someone to play videogames for the whole night,
you dont sleep just stay up the whole night, I dont know what it called?
i would call it pulling an "all nighter" playing video games.
Quote from: anibioman on July 23, 2011, 03:10:35 AM
i would call it pulling an "all nighter" playing video games.
That's what I'd call it as well, if anything. That or just hanging-out.
That's about the extent of my input (except to further agree with the fact that you don't need to be good at video games to be accepted in to play them, just don't take it too seriously and act like you're awesome because that'll backfire quick -- just have fun). I can't say too much that's helpful to the original topic because I guess I'm still figuring it out myself. I get along with other guys quite often better than I do the girls, or at least more easily and naturally, and am treated as one of the guys, but I can't say that I've made friends that I really hang out with...with either gender.
Curious to see if that will change as I transition, especially as I will be attending classes pretty soon as, well, myself to put it accurately.
Quote from: Kerberos on July 16, 2011, 02:16:17 AM
So something has been bugging me lately. I wish I had a group of guy friends to just hang with, play video games, watch baseball, workout at the gym, etc. Does anyone have the experience with this happening naturally after starting transitioning? It's been almost 3 years for me, and I wonder what I do wrong where I can't just be "one of the guys". maybe I need to learn some social skills but I'm also in my 30's, lol.
any advice or life experiences is much appreciated.
I'm pre-everything and this is happening to me. It started like the beginning of my last year in school (soph year, going into junior). Especially noticing all the Frats and stuff, it gets tough. I have only a few cis- guy friends that I've known since High School or recently became friends with, the rest are girls but I only probably hang out with the same 6 people consistently. I've been dying to make guy friends my age at school, but like I feel so awkward about not being accepted because they won't see me as a guy, I'm hoping transitioning will make this easier.
But I can totally relate- I've had a huge desire for a group of guys I can workout with, play some pick up games of football/basketball with. Totally relate.
All my guy friends are trans and live an hour away. All my girl friends are cis and live here in town. One I don't hang with much because her husband kinds creeps me out some and when I was still living as a female he accused us of screwing around. Well he said stuff to her, not me but she told me about it and told him to not act like a dumbass. Now I worry how he would react if I hung out with her a lot.