It seems to bother me more that people say "honey" or "sweety" in stores to me then it did before I started going by a male name. Has this happened to anyone else?
I actually can't say that anyone besides friends/family has ever said that to me. Then again, according to everyone I look pissed constantly and most people are afraid of me for some reason or another.
Does it piss you off because you think they're reading you as female, or is it just pissing you off in general?
Hm... "hon" and "sweetheart" are the only ones I've gotten, but usually by much older women, and to me those two feel like just something you call a kid. All the ones I can think of feel rather androgynous to me, and I present pretty androgynously, so it doesn't bother me TOO much. I mean, I look like a young kid to most.
But sometimes it can feel like they're doing that as they perceive you as female, which is a pisser. Or it can be somewhat condescending.
I think maybe because they read me as female. I'm just getting used to people calling me Darrin so it's a little weird. But you're right, only older women call me those names.
My mom has taken to calling me 'girl' every chance she gets. Its kind of weird being that I'm not out and dont pass at all, but it frustrates me to no end.
A lot of people in the south call everyone hun. Older ladies tend to do this sometimes too so keep that in mind.
Well, today was a MUCH better day. I got my L Tri-Top in the mail today. On tumblr I was someone post that Wal*Mart had superhero underwear. I went on a whim and bought 2 pairs as well as a pack of plain T's. When I got to the dressing room part it was separated. Men's and Women's. I got up there with a sleeveless shirt to try on and the lady at the counter said "good afternoon sir" and opened the MEN'S dressing room and I did my business. Then later while walking around I almost bumped into another Wal*Mart employee and she said "excuse me, sir". Then, when I got to the check-out line no "honey", "sweety" or any of that crap. Best day in a long time!
I find that older women, typically those working in retail, are prone to using these pet names with customers. It's happened to me many times, and by my avatar, I'm sure you can tell NO ONE mistakes me for anything but male anymore. Obviously, that may not be what's going on with you, Darrin, but it has happened to me enough that I can say it's certainly not something said only to female-appearing individuals.
Quote from: Sebastien on July 18, 2011, 08:41:27 PM
I find that older women, typically those working in retail, are prone to using these pet names with customers. It's happened to me many times, and by my avatar, I'm sure you can tell NO ONE mistakes me for anything but male anymore. Obviously, that may not be what's going on with you, Darrin, but it has happened to me enough that I can say it's certainly not something said only to female-appearing individuals.
yep, in the south honey and sweetie can be used for men, particularly young (looking) men.
hmmm. Maybe it wasn't a female thing. I really can't say.
I get called "hon" and "sweety" by women all the time.
Quote from: Darrin on July 18, 2011, 02:26:49 PM
Well, today was a MUCH better day. I got my L Tri-Top in the mail today. On tumblr I was someone post that Wal*Mart had superhero underwear. I went on a whim and bought 2 pairs as well as a pack of plain T's. When I got to the dressing room part it was separated. Men's and Women's. I got up there with a sleeveless shirt to try on and the lady at the counter said "good afternoon sir" and opened the MEN'S dressing room and I did my business. Then later while walking around I almost bumped into another Wal*Mart employee and she said "excuse me, sir". Then, when I got to the check-out line no "honey", "sweety" or any of that crap. Best day in a long time!
That's awesome dude. I remember having those days too back when I first came out. It was an amazing feeling.
Quote from: Darrin on July 18, 2011, 02:26:49 PM
Well, today was a MUCH better day. I got my L Tri-Top in the mail today. On tumblr I was someone post that Wal*Mart had superhero underwear. I went on a whim and bought 2 pairs as well as a pack of plain T's. When I got to the dressing room part it was separated. Men's and Women's. I got up there with a sleeveless shirt to try on and the lady at the counter said "good afternoon sir" and opened the MEN'S dressing room and I did my business. Then later while walking around I almost bumped into another Wal*Mart employee and she said "excuse me, sir". Then, when I got to the check-out line no "honey", "sweety" or any of that crap. Best day in a long time!
Awesome!
this kinda strange ::)
in my world "sweety" and "honey" is only something you can call people if you know them personal.
unless you know the workers I would feel someone calling me "sweety or honey" where flirting..
I get called "sweety(in my languarge)" alot by friends, and have also called people simular sweet-words things..
it dosent bother me, but many people think im cute, and if I get called cute too much I can get annoyed.
I once got called babe wish I found very VERY strange O_O
and.. nuggi*?.....(extremly cute thing) I just couldnt take it seriously.."
On the other side of the coin, i love it when i get called Sir! :D
My brother calls me "woman" a lot. It makes everything worse since I told him about my gender identity issues. Then when I tell him to stop he says something like "I feel that since you've told me about that whole thing you've gotten way too sensitive about everything." Talk about bs. >:(
It might just be me, but my experience here in Australia has been that it's not really acceptable to call people by these kind of pet names unless you know them well and have that kind of relationship with them. Calling someone 'honey', 'sweety', 'darling' etc is seen as demeaning/patronising by general consensus. You do get the occasional elderly person who will use terms like this, because they grew up in different times, but it's really dying out now.
Quote from: MaxAloysius on July 19, 2011, 07:13:24 PM
It might just be me, but my experience here in Australia has been that it's not really acceptable to call people by these kind of pet names unless you know them well and have that kind of relationship with them. Calling someone 'honey', 'sweety', 'darling' etc is seen as demeaning/patronising by general consensus. You do get the occasional elderly person who will use terms like this, because they grew up in different times, but it's really dying out now.
Well, I live in Florida so it's sort-of "the south", but yeah.....it might just be that I look young. I do pass as male from time to time, but I don't like being called those names. I'm not sure if I should say something or not. I mean, I know they're trying to be nice.
Quote from: MaxAloysius on July 19, 2011, 07:13:24 PM
It might just be me, but my experience here in Australia has been that it's not really acceptable to call people by these kind of pet names unless you know them well and have that kind of relationship with them. Calling someone 'honey', 'sweety', 'darling' etc is seen as demeaning/patronising by general consensus. You do get the occasional elderly person who will use terms like this, because they grew up in different times, but it's really dying out now.
well it the same for me, workers shouldnt refern to you,in other ways than "you" or "they" if there going to be polite.
im pretty happy it so gender neutral..
only kind of saying im having trouble with is my brother being very popular, he know alot of people in my town so everyone who knows him and he interduce me to start to call me "the little sister" wich really annoying me.. im his little brother, but I feel odd by getting out to strangers...
Quote from: Darrin on July 18, 2011, 02:26:49 PM
Well, today was a MUCH better day. I got my L Tri-Top in the mail today. On tumblr I was someone post that Wal*Mart had superhero underwear. I went on a whim and bought 2 pairs as well as a pack of plain T's. When I got to the dressing room part it was separated. Men's and Women's. I got up there with a sleeveless shirt to try on and the lady at the counter said "good afternoon sir" and opened the MEN'S dressing room and I did my business. Then later while walking around I almost bumped into another Wal*Mart employee and she said "excuse me, sir". Then, when I got to the check-out line no "honey", "sweety" or any of that crap. Best day in a long time!
Yay!! That's super awesome dude ;D And totally on the superhero underwear at walmart haha I was very excited to say the least!
Now that I've started coming out and getting used to the name Alek, hearing my birth name is weird. In fact, it's started to really aggravate me. I'm not sure about 'sweetie' or 'hun'...I'm used to that being used for both men and women. I think it would really bother me if an older gentleman said sweetie because I would sense it as identifying me as female
Quote from: Natkat on July 19, 2011, 07:21:34 PM
well it the same for me, workers shouldnt refern to you,in other ways than "you" or "they" if there going to be polite.
im pretty happy it so gender neutral..
only kind of saying im having trouble with is my brother being very popular, he know alot of people in my town so everyone who knows him and he interduce me to start to call me "the little sister" wich really annoying me.. im his little brother, but I feel odd by getting out to strangers...
That would be very frustrating. I get what you're talking about though. I've been meeting new people while in the process of coming out for the last couple months, and everytime I have to debate 'well am I going to try to come out to this person or no?' When I thought about it though, it seemed easier to just start introducing myself as such instead of trying to do it at a later time. Plus, I would say you're not coming out to a person you don't know, simply introducing yourself as who you really are :) I would say try to introduce yourself by your preferred name because then that's how they'll know you from the start!
Quote from: AlektheViking on July 19, 2011, 07:34:01 PM
Yay!! That's super awesome dude ;D And totally on the superhero underwear at walmart haha I was very excited to say the least!
Now that I've started coming out and getting used to the name Alek, hearing my birth name is weird. In fact, it's started to really aggravate me. I'm not sure about 'sweetie' or 'hun'...I'm used to that being used for both men and women. I think it would really bother me if an older gentleman said sweetie because I would sense it as identifying me as female
That would be very frustrating. I get what you're talking about though. I've been meeting new people while in the process of coming out for the last couple months, and everytime I have to debate 'well am I going to try to come out to this person or no?' When I thought about it though, it seemed easier to just start introducing myself as such instead of trying to do it at a later time. Plus, I would say you're not coming out to a person you don't know, simply introducing yourself as who you really are :) I would say try to introduce yourself by your preferred name because then that's how they'll know you from the start!
yeah.. I also prefern interducing me with my name, I do normally do so, and it also registered and it all
but my brother always add "this is my little sister" wich I hate when im with him, I know he mean no harm because my mother always told me how happy he where to get a little sister and stuff, and he always been very loving, but still you know..
in general my whole famely use female pronoucing on me, they use my new name and generally in the male pronoucing of it, but when they refern me it always in female..
my dad (try to not use gender-pronoucing if posible) and my mom say she just cant getting use to calling me he she have done it few times but it like 2% out of 98%
-
but it generally annoying if my brother interduce me to his friends or someone I find stranger, and the only way they reconize me is
"the little sister"
even the guy at the pizza store say "oh thats the little sister.." so every time I gonna eat pizza I wonder if I should get out or not,
that an odd pizza experience..
Referred as "her" at hot topic again today. I think it's the button up shirt. Generally people say it makes you pass better, but in my case they show off my hips because they don't button up at the bottom. My hips are so wide I can't button up the shirt at the bottom.
I feel your pain Darren. I wear one open over a t-shirt.
Quote from: Lee on July 20, 2011, 03:11:48 PM
I feel your pain Darren. I wear one open over a t-shirt.
Maybe wearing it open will help next time.
Natkat - Try to be patient with your family :) I know it's going to take a while for my family to get used to my new name and identity because they've seen me as a girl all these years. But I know they'll come around at some point! And just next time you hear little sister, just say hey now man, it's little brother!
Are you guys wearing solid color button down shirts or ones with designs or stripes or anything? I've found that it's easier to hide the hips/curves with plaid shirts (guilty pleasure haha) or ones with up and down stripes.
Quote from: AlektheViking on July 20, 2011, 06:51:48 PM
Natkat - Try to be patient with your family :) I know it's going to take a while for my family to get used to my new name and identity because they've seen me as a girl all these years. But I know they'll come around at some point! And just next time you hear little sister, just say hey now man, it's little brother!
Are you guys wearing solid color button down shirts or ones with designs or stripes or anything? I've found that it's easier to hide the hips/curves with plaid shirts (guilty pleasure haha) or ones with up and down stripes.
I try to be more or less patioen however right for the moment im not sure how to handle dem best.
my mom started to say she wanted to get use to my name and wouldnt focus on the pronoucing, so for a long time I havent put any point on that because I wanted her to get use to my name.
now my famely are more or less used to it, it sip sometimes expecely for my brother but they correct it if they notice..
I am really a chicken who hate to correct people, and I wanna take the next step letting there calling me he,
but for the moment, there some other thing going on, (something about me being in the media as trans)
so I dont find it as being the best timing to focus on small details..
thanks btw..
Quote from: AlektheViking on July 20, 2011, 06:51:48 PMAre you guys wearing solid color button down shirts or ones with designs or stripes or anything? I've found that it's easier to hide the hips/curves with plaid shirts (guilty pleasure haha) or ones with up and down stripes.
I have a few plaid shirts, but like I said, they don't button all the way down due to my hips. I think that's the issue.
hmm well I got big hips too, mostly I have big pants with pocket and when I stuck my hands down there it dosent really seam as anything to be paying attention too.
I think not to tight close around the hips, and straight pants (pants who dosent turn smaller down at the feet) helps, + + picking the right size shirt who make you look more straight from up to down insteed of curved.. this might be pretty standard answer, but it what I think helps.
Quote from: Darrin on July 20, 2011, 07:05:26 PM
I have a few plaid shirts, but like I said, they don't button all the way down due to my hips. I think that's the issue.
My bad, I forgot that part haha. Hmmmm yeah the open shirt look works and it helps hide the hips pretty well. Can't think of any good solutions besides that one atm :/ I'm assuming you've tried various brands?
Quote from: Natkat on July 20, 2011, 06:58:54 PM
I try to be more or less patioen however right for the moment im not sure how to handle dem best.
my mom started to say she wanted to get use to my name and wouldnt focus on the pronoucing, so for a long time I havent put any point on that because I wanted her to get use to my name.
now my famely are more or less used to it, it sip sometimes expecely for my brother but they correct it if they notice..
I am really a chicken who hate to correct people, and I wanna take the next step letting there calling me he,
but for the moment, there some other thing going on, (something about me being in the media as trans)
so I dont find it as being the best timing to focus on small details..
thanks btw..
Just got for it one day and correct someone. I try to do it jokingly and make it fun, because I know people are still getting used to it. Plus laughing about it makes it easier to remember :) but yeah once I started doing that, little by little it was easier to do. That, and it's really exciting when people really get the hang of it!! And no problem dude, my pleasure :) what is this about you being in the media as trans?
Quote from: AlektheViking on July 20, 2011, 07:57:33 PM
My bad, I forgot that part haha. Hmmmm yeah the open shirt look works and it helps hide the hips pretty well. Can't think of any good solutions besides that one atm :/ I'm assuming you've tried various brands?
Just got for it one day and correct someone. I try to do it jokingly and make it fun, because I know people are still getting used to it. Plus laughing about it makes it easier to remember :) but yeah once I started doing that, little by little it was easier to do. That, and it's really exciting when people really get the hang of it!! And no problem dude, my pleasure :) what is this about you being in the media as trans?
yeah I should really focusing on it one day just need to find the right timing where I feel ready, like losing waight or any other agreement you need to be very clear about it from the start otherwise it wont work.
--
I where to a meeting about transgender people in my country, it where the first metting ever of its kind and it where first time we got the opurtunaty because if it had been 40 years ago many would have been arrested for wrong gender clothing. it where diffently a good metting there were few political people showing up, it wasnt much because the politicals generally ignore the topic, but the one who showed up where into there stuff.
under the break a lady came over to me asking if I would be in a interviuv about young transgender people.
and I said yes because I felt it where important to make the young transgender people visable.
so far I felt it best to be 25 or more to be trans because the laws, and many ignorent people telling you it only posible when your "older" it horrible for anyone around 12-15 or more to hear "you need to be 25, before you can do anything"
I felt she did a good job, and the same day as I showed up in the newspaper a tv jonalist called me asking if I would go into tv, but I let another one who where younger than me do it, and it became again the "youngest" transgender person seen on tv and in media generally for my country..
(yes this is diffently a hitpoint in the transgender history here)
I felt it where somehow important to do it and that why I did it, but my mom have been clear that she not accepting of it, she said I shouldnt "tell anyone about my sexualety" or "if she had something with her, then it wouldnt be anyones business" the usunally scarring of tecnique she use "you will get bullied" "you might not get into your new school if anyone read it" "they will make you look horible"
I didnt really matter because it not about me but about picking up some issues who have been ignores for too long. but after I told her she didnt spoke to me for 3 days, complitely ignoring, she talked to me after I brought her chokolate saying she didnt like it, and anybody shouldnt know about this thing about me,
(and this is really abnormal, even for issues like starting on homones she still talked to me after a day, or so) she also kept on with the "why are you doing this to me, kinda expression why I didnt tell her, why I just got behind her back without knowing bla bla"
I have lied to her saying my name and face wasnt there and it put us on a good team again,
but when she finds out the trust im not sure how she will react.