What made you realize you are a woman?
Hi Narela,
This is one of 'those' posts which will end up in tears.
I think most if not all will tell you they do not identify as transexual.
I think from a past Mod point of view (retired) just delete the post.
It will just be acrimonious and people will get warnings etc.
JMO
Hugs
Cindy
Before all FAILS...
I know because somethings we just know. It's as simple and maybe as difficult as that.
Somethings we just KNOW! It is knowing beyond argumentation.
If it make no sense, just do what Cindy suggested.
Axelle
I know in the same way that I know anything else: because all evidence to the contrary has been disproven.
I tried to be male: FAIL
I tried to be androgyne: Mostly FAIL
I tried to bury dysphoria and forget about it: Complete and Total FAIL
I tried to be male again: FAIL
I accepted the fact that my desire to be female will never go away: WIN
Quote from: Julie Marie on July 27, 2011, 06:23:56 AM
I don't.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi56.tinypic.com%2F30atddt.jpg&hash=9d9736e6d92eb03123e65f68c89c02338167d7b6)
I agree with what others have said, these types of questions (this isn't the first time I've seen it asked in some form or fashion) always degrade into something heated and ugly. This sounds like a question we have to deal with from non-trans folks all the time and the sad part of it is that no matter what we say, no matter what the current research says if they're not receptive to the idea - well we're just shouting into the wind.
I don't like feeling forced to have to prove myself. We've all done that to our own breaking points anyways. This certainly isn't the place for it.
So then what??
Just be what you are. If you don't know, find out.
Easy piece, lemon squeeze.
Axelle
PS: Who other then your gatekeeper issuing that letter for SRS needs "prove"?
I ask this because some of people make the transition and then realize that they was not a transsexual
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.motifake.com%2Fimage%2Fdemotivational-poster%2F0903%2Fepic-face-palm-face-palm-demotivational-poster-1236742013.jpg&hash=2b2db6432e9e24d5e749411f4a60f3b7d347c064)
It's why you go see a shrink and stick with the Benjamin rules, now WAPTH.
They should worry more about just that then even you do. They got a reputation to loose these folks, never mind ethics.
Axelle
PS: If you go DIY and just pop back market BCs ... it's your call. 'nough said.
Quote from: Axélle on July 27, 2011, 07:30:57 AM
Axelle
PS: If you go DIY and just pop back market BCs ... it's your call. 'nough said.
I don't understand it in spanish ???
Quote from: Narela on July 27, 2011, 07:22:22 AM
I ask this because some of people make the transition and then realize that they was not a transsexual
That's the stuff talk shows (and "pray the gay away" brochures) are made of. Yes it does happen, but not nearly as frequently as it might seem. Most of those are bored rich people with more money then brains. For what it costs and the amount of time it takes, very few people are going to endure the entire transition process and then "suddenly" decide they weren't trans to begin with.
Quote from: Narela on July 27, 2011, 07:22:22 AM
I ask this because some of people make the transition and then realize that they was not a transsexual
I think they represent something like 1/10th percent. Compare that to other results and it's pretty amazing.
If you do DIY (Do It Yourself) and just take pills from the Black Market (Internet etc.), BCs (Birth Control pills) ... then you are out on your own. I said enough, because we ALL do know it is dangerous.
Sorry, forgot you use a translater...
Axelle
Quote from: Axélle on July 27, 2011, 09:07:41 AM
If you do DIY (Do It Yourself) and just take pills from the Black Market (Internet etc.), BCs (Birth Control pills) ... then you are out on your own. I said enough, because we ALL do know it is dangerous.
Sorry, forgot you use a translater...
Axelle
Sometimes for some words only, i can read and write
DIY (Do It Yourself) // i find this in Urban dictionary before
You put
back market, i was like
eing? ... but i shoud have known...
if i put something wrong , correct me plz, so i can learn >:-)
I'm not a transsexual, I'm a woman born with the wrong parts!
Quote from: Hayley Rivka on July 27, 2011, 09:55:15 AM
I'm not a transsexual, I'm a woman born with the wrong parts!
I know ¬_¬
But, how you realized it ??
I know you all understand what i mean ...
I think the OP was a fair question to ask... I'm sure all of us have had doubts if this is what we really are.
Personally? I have no freaking clue what I am. 7 months ago I thought I was just a bi guy who was leaning more towards gay and had a few body image issues. Completely socialized as a guy and generally pretty happy with life.
Now I'm 4 months into hormones and changing day by day into some unknown person. I don't know if I am male and I don't know if I am female.
What I DO know?
I know that I like what is happening to me. I like being able to experience a wider range of emotions (and more easily), I like the softer skin and more feminine appearance (male or not), I ~really~ like the super powerful orgasms (hehe)... I like everything that these hormones are doing and just can't imagine myself stopping.
~shrug~ so, I might just be a crazy gay guy who decided to replace his hormones... or I could be mentally female and simply naturally seeking to change my body to match my mind... it really doesn't matter to me either way.
Asking 'think' is probably the worst wording to make...Sometimes the wording is a really touchy thing all on its own.
Well, quite simply, it's instinct. We in some way express to ourselves mentally a realization of a desynchronized state of our sex "is" compared to what literally is our sex. (sort that out however you want) Of course it's vague, but that's what makes transsexualism pretty hard to pin down in the first place.
As for people who bad-transition, I feel that they're cases of internal dishonesty. They look outwardly to define who they are rather than internally, and by doing so may 'realize' they are the wrong sex...yet they never actually have felt they are the wrong sex.
All-in-all, I agree with one of the earlier posts. This is an extremely devoted path, so I doubt the fequency is honestly frequent, unless if you count canceled transition processes. Plus, these people who "suddenly" realized probably understood already, but were just thinking they could do it anyway.
Jeesh whats with half the pepole here.
I am a transsexual because I experienced for the majority of my life what I personally think was gender dysphora it's impact on my mental stablity was so strong I was in serious risk of killing myself I was already harming myself severely.
I transitioned because that was the only way of reducing it's impact.
Why do I experience gener dysphora?
I don't know... I've heard many speculative theories some more substantively backed up than others.
Narela, one more thing.
There is the issue with GID-attacks. It is something so powerful (for some/all?) of us at some stage or another, that it freaked me out totally. And over and over again. I experience it as an incredibly deep sadness when it comes over me. The realization that I was not in a girl body and always wanted to be one. Play with girls, live, eat, sleep, just be a girl.
It was not really an issue (for me) up to the age of 6, when all things were sort of equal. But when at 8 or 9 I wanted to cut my penis off, have earrings and just BE a girl, the jig was up.
Socialization then (in that generation) FORCED you to be what your body happened to be. THERE WAS NO ARGUMENT AGAINST IT. Folks would have thought you mad, offer you electro-shock and other medicines to GET OVER this madness.
The point is that what ever we try as transsexuals IT DOES NOT GO AWAY. That deep sadness of being in the wrong body. It is an emotional killer if you have it. It's not some play-play Halloween thing. It is deadly serious and plenty TS folks for that reason end their lives.
So how to explain it? It just IS - and it effects your life badly until you can, and are ALLOWED to transition and find inner peace, TO BE WHO YOU ARE.
Axelle
Haha First of all i dont think that i am transsexual :D
I believe i am a girl simple as that. Was it My choice i am a transsexual nope because thats the term. Do i like the term? not really i prefer "so your a girl" and i can say yes :D If someone only saw me as a transsexual i would most probably castrate and tell them well now your nothing ;D ;D. I dont think anyone is a transsexual personally i think people who say they are transsexuals are still not completely convinced who they are( Dont fight me on this not worth it).
To sum it up to me transsexual is a stupid term people who couldnt see a girl as a girl and visa versa came up with out of fear of the unknown to exclude us from our true genders.
Cuz baby I was born this waaaaay ;)
Quote from: Cindy James on July 27, 2011, 05:11:44 AM
I think most if not all will tell you they do not identify as transexual.
Please do not speak for me, Cindy.
I am a transsexual. There is no way to deny it. I fit all of the criteria of the medical definition. And I don't agree with people who say, "I'm a woman, not a trans-anything." I say you're wrong because you are trying to deny and erase the past. That way lies neurosis, like your life before came out. Get over it; you have to live with your past. Can't do that by hiding from it.
Quote from: Narela on July 27, 2011, 09:59:14 AM
I know ¬_¬
But, how you realized it ??
I know you all understand what i mean ...
You ask the same thing my son asked me when I came out to him (he was 12 at the time): "How do you know you want to be a girl, and aren't just a boy who likes girl things?"
I can't give you any better answer than I gave him. "I don't know how I know; I only know that I do."
Quote from: Cindy James on July 27, 2011, 05:11:44 AM
I think most if not all will tell you they do not identify as transexual.
pre-operatively, it was a term that applied to me. Now if the subject ever arises, I am simply a lesbian who previously had a transsexual medical condition that was surgically resolved many years ago...
Quote from: Lisbeth on July 27, 2011, 01:36:54 PM
Please do not speak for me, Cindy.
I am a transsexual. There is no way to deny it. I fit all of the criteria of the medical definition. And I don't agree with people who say, "I'm a woman, not a trans-anything." I say you're wrong because you are trying to deny and erase the past. That way lies neurosis, like your life before came out. Get over it; you have to live with your past. Can't do that by hiding from it.
I agree.
Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on July 27, 2011, 01:03:05 PM
To sum it up to me transsexual is a stupid term people who couldnt see a girl as a girl and visa versa came up with out of fear of the unknown to exclude us from our true genders.
I agree, but it is what it is, and we are who we are.
Unfortunately Narela, I wouldn't be able to say without giving an essay on my life story. But, I will say this, I didn't know that I'm transsexual until another recent GID attack. But, it was just one of many. I got fed up and did my research.
I am curious as to why you ask though. Self-doubt can be dangerous.
And Trista, I love you avatars. :)
When I was little and learned my colors, I knew the sky was blue. Before I knew my colors, I knew it had a certain hue that it shared with other objects, even if I didn't know the hue's name. I didn't know HOW, or what made it blue, and no one I asked could ever tell me, but I knew for a fact it was blue. Now, I'm sure someone could give me a scientific reason. But I know I'm male the same way I knew the sky was blue. It was just a known fact, even if I couldn't explain it.
People know their gender, but they can't always explain it. This goes for cis and trans* folk alike.
Quote from: Valeriedances on July 27, 2011, 02:15:00 PM
It isnt a stupid word. . It is a word for describing a condition. Its a serious enough word that I had my genitals changed surgically. If you dont have that condition then you arent transsexual.
I'm not sure who you're trying to fight with here. There's no need for it though really. We're all here for the same reason, which is why I think the title of the topic is a little strange to me. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.exisle.net%2Fmb%2Fpublic%2Fstyle_emoticons%2Fdefault%2Fshrug.gif&hash=a22fa1f68f27a98989fe73e4a59753e7b1c82a46)
Silas, that's beautifully put! That's precisely my thoughts on it. :) It's not really something we "think" we are... we just are.
When people ask I tell them I am me.
I think people that transition can be close to who they are in their mind. I have heard people say they "were" a transsexual and now they are a woman. They do not deny their past. They will tell me they lived as a man and now they feel more comfortable living as a woman. They are no longer a transsexual but a woman.
For me it is simple. In past I was me, in current I am me and in future I am me.
I relate to people that claim title of subject. I have meticulously tried to prove to myself that I am not; however why am I trying to prove I am not? Why do I do things similar to people that I am not? Why do I find comfort in doing things that have brought them comfort when I am not one of them!
Condition is not logical and I am very logical. In conclusion I am me and in my mind I am normal but my body does not fit my mind and if I get a chance I will try to make mind and body agree but in end I am still me.
Your question is a Great Intellectual Dilemma or GID.
When I was six I'd make soap-potions in the tub to make my wee fall off. When we played dress-up I was always a female character. Halloween was an excuse to dress like a "real-girl". Growing up I was incapable of making lasting friendships with other boys, I was always the ninth-wheel. Girls, on the other hand, were easy to talk and hang out with. Oh, and since I've begun my transition I've had several very old friends tell me they've never seen me happier in the decade they've known me. My two cents.
The German term "Transsexualismus" was introduced by Hirschfeld in 1923. The neo-Latin term "psychopathia transexualis" and English "transexual" were introduced by D. O. Cauldwell in 1949, who subsequently also used the term "trans-sexual" in 1950. Cauldwell appears to be the first to use the term in direct reference to those who desired a change of physiological sex. So, we use term transsexual which was invented before deep understanding of intricacies and fluid dynamics of gender. This term has evolved and because of its sexual connotation has been largely replaced with more user friendly and all encompassing transgender which directly explains within its makeup the gender issue. Never the less, I for one consider my self transsexual, and describe my condition with the word which used to send chills down my spine only short while ago. I am no longer running away from the dreaded term but embrace it as mine. Transsexual woman would be right on the spot, giving note to end point of my transness through gender and secondary sexual characteristics. Enough about the term!
How do I know I am transgender? Well, Herry Benjamin has derived set of principles which illuminated tendency to be a transgender. Primitive as it were, it has been embraced by the psychological society at large to this day, although individual therapists use their own more detailed approach to determining the character.
I truly believe that if someone logs in to Susans Place, makes an effort to enroll and then ask the question, then it surely would be a proof of gender flux, or gender question on his or her mind. Also I believe that all the people who are here as members fit into this transgender community and as far as those who revert to manhood after transition, for the majority or all this return to life as it was is not the return to true self but being discontent with struggles and problems facing us after such transition. Some simply give up the struggle and revert to status quo. I once asked my therapist who is a PHD and with extensive knowledge in research, weather she has ever observed someone be cured so to speak to which she replied "there are those who choose to remain male to satisfy demands of life, family, career but out of all my patients over the span of 30 years not one hes ever been granted peace by remaining their former genetic gender"
Oh I don't know. Maybe because when I had my testicles removed I couldn't wipe the grin off my face for three days inspite of the pain?
I said I am a girl as soon as I could talk,
I want to be pregnant,
I want to breastfeed,
I want to be "pounded" (F... hard and long)
I want my breasts,
I want my vagina,
and I WANTED ALL OF THIS YESTERDAY !!!
What I am?
Kate D
Quote from: kate durcal on July 27, 2011, 04:35:39 PM
I said I am a girl as soon as I could talk,
I want to be pregnant,
I want to breastfeed,
I want to "pounded"
I want my breasts,
I want my vagina,
and I WANTED ALL OF THIS YESTERDAY !!!
What I am?
Kate D
Lovely answer Kate
Good for Kate.
Myself, not sure or whatever word someone chooses but just always a girl as early as I remember in my life. Though I was a girl til first grade them told I was to play with this other group/boys, I knew that was wrong. I'll never forget that the teacher told me I had such nice long eyelases & that I would make a beautiful little girl. She was sad that I was a boy & so was I.
Quote from: kate durcal on July 27, 2011, 04:35:39 PM
I said I am a girl as soon as I could talk,
I want to be pregnant,
I want to breastfeed,
I want to "pounded"
I want my breasts,
I want my vagina,
and I WANTED ALL OF THIS YESTERDAY !!!
What I am?
Kate D
This is an answer.
Quote from: Nurse With Wound on July 28, 2011, 12:25:51 AM
What a lovely way to put it. D:
That's what I was thinking. >.<
I may be "labeled" as transsexual but I am 100% woman....its just that my path to womanhood was a little different than others
About the best way I can describe how I knew I was transgender is like this.
Imagine leaving your home one day and having this nagging feeling like something was wrong. A little voice in the back of your mind constantly reminding you that something is wrong. Did you leave the oven on? did you remember to set the VCR to record your favorite show? Did you leave a light on? Imagine it if you will, that this feeling is always there, telling you are a girl. No matter what you do, no matter what anyone else says or does to get you to believe otherwise, it is there, like an itch you can never scratch.
I like rainy days. A lot of people don't, but they are just wonderful to me. I can't tell ya why, just always liked 'em. Also I feel like a woman, not a man. Okay, welp, there's that.
Quote from: Keaira on July 28, 2011, 01:13:21 AM
About the best way I can describe how I knew I was transgender is like this.
Imagine leaving your home one day and having this nagging feeling like something was wrong. A little voice in the back of your mind constantly reminding you that something is wrong. Did you leave the oven on? did you remember to set the VCR to record your favorite show? Did you leave a light on? Imagine it if you will, that this feeling is always there, telling you are a girl. No matter what you do, no matter what anyone else says or does to get you to believe otherwise, it is there, like an itch you can never scratch.
not wrong.....never ever wrong!!! different would be a better adjective
I hope you don't mind me popping in from the other side of things.
I didn't grow up identifying as a boy. However, I have felt wrong since the age of about 12-13. I thought it was just my imagination or something everyone deals with, but the more steps I take towards transitioning the less wrong I feel.
Quote from: wendy on July 27, 2011, 02:41:50 PM
I have heard people say they "were" a transsexual and now they are a woman. They do not deny their past. They will tell me they lived as a man and now they feel more comfortable living as a woman. They are no longer a transsexual but a woman.
This way of thinking makes no sense to me. Either words have meaning or they don't. Such people are stripping away all meaning from the word.
trans·sex·u·al: (noun /tran(s)ˈsekSHo͞oəl/ transexuals, plural; transsexuals, plural)
1. A person born with the physical characteristics of one sex who emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex
2. A person who has undergone surgery and hormone treatment in order to acquire the physical characteristics of the opposite sex
adjective /tran(s)ˈsekSHo͞oəl/
Of or relating to such a personQuote from: inna on July 27, 2011, 03:54:50 PM
This term has evolved and because of its sexual connotation has been largely replaced with more user friendly and all encompassing transgender which directly explains within its makeup the gender issue.
Nevertheless, there are people who wave the transsexual flag and want to put up a wall rejecting "transgender."
Quote from: VeryGnawty on July 27, 2011, 06:03:59 AM
I know in the same way that I know anything else: because all evidence to the contrary has been disproven.
I tried to be male: FAIL
I tried to be androgyne: Mostly FAIL
I tried to bury dysphoria and forget about it: Complete and Total FAIL
I tried to be male again: FAIL
I accepted the fact that my desire to be female will never go away: WIN
This is my life
Quote from: Lisbeth on July 27, 2011, 01:36:54 PM
I am a transsexual. There is no way to deny it. I fit all of the criteria of the medical definition. And I don't agree with people who say, "I'm a woman, not a trans-anything." I say you're wrong because you are trying to deny and erase the past. That way lies neurosis, like your life before came out. Get over it; you have to live with your past. Can't do that by hiding from it.
You ask the same thing my son asked me when I came out to him (he was 12 at the time): "How do you know you want to be a girl, and aren't just a boy who likes girl things?"
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 27, 2011, 02:04:24 PM
I agree.
me too
Quote from: kate durcal on July 27, 2011, 04:35:39 PM
I want to "pounded"
I don't understand this in spanish ???
I'm not, I am a woman.
Hate these threads
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy James on July 28, 2011, 06:18:34 AM
I'm not, I am a woman.
Hate these threads
Cindy
I completely agree with you Cindy
Quote from: Narela on July 28, 2011, 06:07:35 AM
I don't understand this "punded" in spanish ???
"Pounded" Having sex in wild way, being penetrated hard and long. Los mejicanos diran "darle una chingada monumental", los venzolanos dirian "cogerla duro", los ecuatorianos dirian "darle una culetisa," de donde eres?
Kate D
Why do I know I'm a girl despite the body that I was born into? I could cite dozens of reasons. The sense of kinship I've felt with female characters and other girls since before I was even old enough to know the differences between girls and boys. The strange, sickening feeling I've had in the pit of my stomach my whole life when anyone refers to me as a boy and when I have to tick 'male' as my gender on forms. The absolute horror and revulsion I felt as my own body seemed to turn against my during puberty, and my longing when I looked at my increasingly beautiful, feminine female friends not to be with them, but to be them. My secret joy when people frequently likened parts of my character and habits to those of a girl...
More than all of that, though, I need only look to my own heart to know that what I am doing is right for me. I was morbid and melancholy as a child, and suicidally depressed as a teen. I bounced in and out of various psychiatric facilities, saw a half dozen school counselors and psychiatrists, tried god knows how many different medications... And nothing helped. Not one thing made me feel even a little bit better. In time, I learned to tune out my suicidal feelings and to live with my crushing depression. There were even moments where I could manage a smile, largely due to my being extremely fortuitous and meeting some utterly wonderful people. Still, I was always one step away from complete meltdown, and nothing took away the black cloud hanging over my head. Nothing, at least, until I came out to my best friend one rainy morning this January. As I sat sobbing on her sofa and telling her things I had never told anyone before, I felt twenty-five years worth of fear, doubt and anxiety lift off my shoulders. And when I came out of the doctor's office that afternoon having put the first stages of my transition into motion, the smile I showed to that same friend felt like the first time I had really smiled in my whole life. Though the next few weeks were filled with a series of mad adventures through female clothing, makeup, name changes, coming out to everyone under the sun, going to classes in a skirt, and all sorts of terrifying inbetweens, that smile...sort of never left my face. Actually, it's still there as I'm writing this. :)
How do I know I'm a girl, and that the difficult road I'm embarking upon is the right one? Because setting off down it has made me happy for the first time in my life. :D
Quote from: Jamie Nicole on July 28, 2011, 03:23:28 AM
not wrong.....never ever wrong!!! different would be a better adjective
I suppose so, lol. But I think that depends on the person and situation. I mean do you feel trapped in the wrong body or a different body? ;)
All I know is that I am starting to feel right. :p
I do actually feel (at present?) with Lisbeth,
AND more so, when I KNOW I AM/BEEN/WAS CLOCKED.
Moving about in such situation, just maintaining I AM A WOMAN = GG, becomes a very insecure place for me to be. It tastes of denial... to me. YMMV
I know I'm a woman, been growing up some? I hope! Yet I also know I AM A TRANSSEXUAL woman, a trans-woman.
To push this aside is going into denial (for me) and that spells neurosis, plus more back into hiding as I did all my life in boy-guise.
Going out of one prison cell - marching straight into another?! Not really. PLEASE!
I can not say NOW, how I'll change once I had SRS. Time will tell.
But as still being pre-op? I have to concede to be transsexual, and I do not need a mirror for that either.
So, I'd love, LOVE, LOOOOOOOOVE having been born a natural, genetic female, alas I AM NOT.
ALL other notions to trick my self-knowing will lead into problems. Self-denial, neurosis here I come.
It does not even have to do with ANY dictionary definitions, neither my understanding nor my actual looks. Even AFTER SRS I shall have the scars to tell...
What is, IS.
Yet..... "It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind"... time will tell, won't it?
And in the end --- it is all the mind :-)
Axelle
ok I might be wrong on this but after reading everyones post on this I think alot of you mis understood what she was trying to ask I think it would be better to put it is as "What made you relize you were transsexual?" Was it something major in your life that made you relize it or was it a bunch of little things that built up and made you relize or have you always relized it and just hid it form yourself? I also noticed she is spanish and it probly got mixed up in translation.
Now it might just be but with some of the post made here it seems this ? made a few ppl angry and if i was the one asking the ? and got some of these replys personally i would feel attacked (keep in mind this is my personally option not saying anyone is attacking her it just seems that way to me)
Quote from: drkiara on July 29, 2011, 06:31:50 AM
ok I might be wrong on this but after reading everyones post on this I think alot of you mis understood what she was trying to ask I think it would be better to put it is as "What made you relize you were transsexual?" Was it something major in your life that made you relize it or was it a bunch of little things that built up and made you relize or have you always relized it and just hid it form yourself? I also noticed she is spanish and it probly got mixed up in translation.
Now it might just be but with some of the post made here it seems this ? made a few ppl angry and if i was the one asking the ? and got some of these replys personally i would feel attacked (keep in mind this is my personally option not saying anyone is attacking her it just seems that way to me)
exactly and i said i dont think of myself as transsexual, just a girl in fact i never once said in person i am a transsexual its always been i am a girl.
OK, what made me realize it?
I had a major breakdown one early morning 26. Feb. 2010 (in shrink talk: an epiphany), and I realized I am woman! Whaaat?
It was an absolutely a crazy experience and my mind started to argue with myself. Like, can't be! Yes you are! Nuts! No that's it. etc etc. But once that happened THAT WAS IT.
All other explanations followed that initial "earthquake", like house of cards collapsing, endless crying fits, the only alternative now, to be who I actually am, was to end my life, etc. etc.
At that stage I did not even know the words transsexual, or transgender, nothing --- that came later when trying to put a suitable label to my situation.
Axelle
Quote from: Axélle on July 29, 2011, 09:57:43 AM
OK, what made me realize it?
I had a major breakdown one early morning 26. Feb. 2010 (in shrink talk: an epiphany), and I realized I am woman! Whaaat?
It was an absolutely a crazy experience and my mind started to argue with myself. Like, can't be! Yes you are! Nuts! No that's it. etc etc. But once that happened THAT WAS IT.
All other explanations followed that initial "earthquake", like house of cards collapsing, endless crying fits, the only alternative now, to be who I actually am, was to end my life, etc. etc.
At that stage I did not even know the words transsexual, or transgender, nothing --- that came later when trying to put a suitable label to my situation.
Axelle
looks like you started a war inside yourself that day but its seems you have ended the war and came to peace with it :) and i am gald you didnt end your life
my story started when i was young i used to always have dreams where in the whole dream i was a girl they started back when i would say around 7 years old at first i didnt think anything of it cuz i always had crazy weird dreams but years later the dreams were happening more and more often then around the age of 13 i was at party and were playing truth or dare and i got dared by this girl to switch cloths with her for the rest of the night (fully all cloths panties bra everything) i took the dare (sucker for a dare i just cant back down form them) but anyways after being in her cloths for awhile they really seemed comfortable well more comfortable then what i was wearing that day (black baggy metallica shirt with a pair of tripps) after we all got bored with the game the girls desided they wanted to have fun and give me a make over seems how i was still wearing her cloths and most of the other guys had already took off so they went all out on it nails(both finger and toe) make-up my hair by time they were all done they took me to the mirror and i was like damn i am hot i really didnt believe i was looking at myslef in the mirror it didnt look like me at all at this moment i really liked how i looked the night ended up being a girls night i was the only guy there and i just went with it did girlie things and i enjoyed it after that night the dreams were happening all the time and i started wearing girl jeans and shirts and what not now at this time i also didnt know the words transsexual or transgender so i was really confused i didnt even know it was possible for a guy to become a girl i didnt fully relieze i was transgender till i was about 20 but even then i denied it i was still confused i tried hidding it but my mind subconsially started picking up on female trait with out me even noticing them and this past year i finally gave in and told my mother and sister they both told me that they kind of already knew and saw it coming they were just waiting for me to come out to them over the past year they both have been very supportive and have even gone shopping with me for cloths and make-up stuff like that (i really own about three times as many female cloths as male cloths) and i dont even go into girl mode that much i try to as often as i can i would do it more but my mothers husband does not accept it and has given me ->-bleeped-<- about it he says ->-bleeped-<- like i am confused and i dont really dont know what i want in life i am to young to know what i really want in my life but i have been going into girl mode alot more and have even a few times gone out in girl mode fully dressed up and have desided if i can pass without hrt i will have no prob doing it after being on hrt so really i reliezed i was around the age of 16 but hid and didnt come out till age 21 wish i would have came out alot sooner tho
sorry for the long post and all the bad grammer and all that i am half asleep and should probly go to bed lol
Quote from: Axélle on July 29, 2011, 09:57:43 AM
OK, what made me realize it?
I had a major breakdown one early morning 26. Feb. 2010 (in shrink talk: an epiphany), and I realized I am woman! Whaaat?
It was an absolutely a crazy experience and my mind started to argue with myself. Like, can't be! Yes you are! Nuts! No that's it. etc etc. But once that happened THAT WAS IT.
All other explanations followed that initial "earthquake", like house of cards collapsing, endless crying fits, the only alternative now, to be who I actually am, was to end my life, etc. etc.
At that stage I did not even know the words transsexual, or transgender, nothing --- that came later when trying to put a suitable label to my situation.
Axelle
I never tried to end my life or I would not be here but freaking arguing in my head never stops! I have become very unproductive!
Quote from: Lisbeth on July 28, 2011, 05:37:24 AM
This way of thinking makes no sense to me. Either words have meaning or they don't. Such people are stripping away all meaning from the word.
trans·sex·u·al: (noun /tran(s)ˈsekSHo͞oəl/ transexuals, plural; transsexuals, plural)
1. A person born with the physical characteristics of one sex who emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex
2. A person who has undergone surgery and hormone treatment in order to acquire the physical characteristics of the opposite sex
adjective /tran(s)ˈsekSHo͞oəl/
Of or relating to such a person
Nevertheless, there are people who wave the transsexual flag and want to put up a wall rejecting "transgender."
Actually I can see reasoning from either point of view. If a person gets to point of being treated as a woman through transition and are legally a woman then they "used to be a transsexual".
Now if a person does surgeries and hormone treatment they are by definition a transsexual.
Problem surrounds word "transsexual". It has very negative connotations by society. Actually it is neither good or bad. It just is a fact of nature. It is not even logical. Nature love diversity and society hates diversity.
Recently I started doing things that express myself in society. I live in a liberal part of country and people noticed me and tended to start whispering to their friends; however, when I engage other humans they refer to me as a male.
It is totally fine if you transitioned from male to female and considered yourself transsexual only in between genders. I prefer to not be a transsexual at any time. Condition bothered me when I started public school.
When I was in my crossdressing phase and going out I had more in common with my T friends than my crossdressing friends and realized this is who I am.
Quote from: Lisbeth on July 28, 2011, 05:37:24 AM
Nevertheless, there are people who wave the transsexual flag and want to put up a wall rejecting "transgender."
And I dare say that for those of us who had our medical condition resolved, we damned well earned the right to reject certain labels that don't apply to us...
I knew something wasn't right when I started puberty. I knew of the word, but I didn't actually know what a transsexual was until a few years ago.
There wasn't a moment or anything that made me suddenly realise, before puberty I wanted to be treated like a girl and would often make up stories in my head where I was female but because of my shy personality I wasn't one of those extroverted kids that tell their parents, rather I just didn't say anything out of fear and ignorance that anything could be done. I didn't really think too much of it and just kind of "got on" with life until I was around 13-14~, then it really started to bother me with puberty and all. Around the same time I also started actively using the Internet and pretty much looked up things about wanted to change my sex and found that there was a lot of other people like that. However I still managed to keep it secret out of fear for another 6~ years and it still is to most people apart from my mum and GP.
Maybe it's just me but I don't understand alot of you these days :/
while I recognise and identify as female I also recognise I'm a transsexual It discribes an abberation in my phyiscal development and a aggregate discriptior of my past. in the same way that ex-self harmer is also such a discription.
It's strange topic. When I was 11 I knew I wanted to be female and I wished badly that I was female and not male. When I was 13 I was exposed to transsexuals on the jerry springer show. I was horrified and I didn't identify or relate to them at all I thought I was similar but equally radically different, When I was 15 my desire had become so strong that I would act on it by crossdressing growing my hair long and presenting as a female however even then I didn't identify as a transsexual I thought I was a sick perverted monster more than anything.
When I was 19 I guess that was when I started begrudgingly admitting at my darkest moments that I was a transsexual. But I only became comfortable discribing myself as such once I transitioned.
I'll leave the linguistic battles to those with strong feelings on that issue and just focus on what I think was the original intent of the question...
I felt like there was something not quite right with me for pretty much my entire life, but I could never quite verbalize what felt wrong. I had very little exposure to the idea of transgender people when I was growing up. I was aware that some people had sex-change operations, but the concept never really gelled in my mind as something real. I just knew that I didn't quite fit in anywhere, and that my attempts to blend in with my peers only made things worse. I just could not seem to figure out how to be a proper boy. This continued into adulthood. For about four decades, I was often depressed and rarely happy, because I could not figure out what was wrong with me. I only knew I didn't feel right.
For a time, I had a male roommate. At least, I thought he was a guy when he moved in. I discovered later that he was actually a pre-transition transwoman. Deep inside, something woke up and took notice, but it still took a number of years after that before things actually gelled for me and the idea of being transgender took on some level of reality in the back of my mind.
One morning, when I was about 40, I woke up and just realized that I finally knew what was wrong...I was never really a guy at all, even though I had a male body. It was an a-ha moment that hit me in that gray stage before waking and would not let go even after I was fully awake. I mentally tried thinking of myself as a woman with a female body, and it felt SO GOOD! I felt happy. I felt relaxed for just about the first time in my life. I felt right. I felt GENUINE!
When I went back to thinking of myself as a guy with a male body, it felt downright unpleasant. It felt like a lie. Now, I can't bear to present as male unless I think of it as wearing a mascot uniform (like a blue panda costume or a giant chicken) for my employer. I even joke with my wife about putting on my "giant-chicken suit" before going to work.
That's how I realized. That's how I knew.
I never really realized I was transsexual.
What I did realize was that other people perceived me differently than I perceived me. I was 3. I remember it vividly. I always wondered why people couldn't see me. They something or someone but it wasn't me. I was so alone and an alien in a human world. I honestly thought that I was a foundling like superman. I was about 15 when I learned that I was just born this way. That hurt more than anything before it since I thought that my alien 'mothership' would someday return for me. I would dream of a reunion with my 'normal' parents. Then I grew up.
Saddest part of all, it isn't growing old that kills you, it is growing up.
Horrible book I read back in 1989. I mean, it made me realize what I was, but it also said men (it called us "women" and "she") like me are messed up mentally and need lots of therapy so we accept being women.
Before that, I didn't know that FTMs existed, although I knew about MTFs.
But I've always had a boy identity.
The word transsexual didn't offend me at frist but it seems to have so much negative meanigs tagged to it starts to hurt to hear it.
I have spent a long time trying to understand myself and why I have felt like I should have been a girl. I have labeled myself over and over but it wound not stay very long because it does not completely express how I view myself.
I do think the question that you asked is not clear because it does not fit everyone, yet I do understand.
Something just wasn't right and finding a way fix it is all that could be done. I hope this make sense to you.
Quote from: Hayley Rivka on July 27, 2011, 09:55:15 AM
I'm not a transsexual, I'm a woman born with the wrong parts!
Absolutely!
I don't, what's the difference? Besides not wanting to identify as transsexual after getting surgery...
Labels?
First there are strawberries then strawberry jam --- more labels?
If getting clocked in the Ladies (pre-op) you gonna say what? You transwoman or woman?
In this case transwoman, or?
The WORLD does not share our sentiments there, as much as we would like it.
The old story of inner and outer perception. If you want to push your luck, and have to show your "stuff" the jig would be up, and then what?
Transwoman will be what you are --- skirt up or down.
Post-op I opt for woman, I dang well will have earned it by then IMHO. YMMV
Axelle
I knew I wanted to be a women for life, when I went out dress up and actually felt comfortable with myself for the first time. I still have things the made me insecure, but I felt more like myself and the way that made me feel made me know.
Always have been since childhood, just grew up mentally as a nice little girl, it felt great, normal.
As a newbie, this thread has been rather enlightening in a rather eerie way. I certainly have started to understand that there is a heck of a lot of politics around the terminology. I suppose I have been just so focused on myself that it wasn't at the foremost in my mind. I'll have lots to think about in terms of how I consider the notion of being female or transgender or transsexual. I mean that I knew that the topic is a hot one when dealing with the outside community but I was oblivious to it internally (but like I said I am a newbie and was desperately avoidant before that). I'm sure I'll put my foot in it sooner or later.
But taking the question literally in terms of my personal awareness. I knew at puberty but basically ignored it or tried to believe that it was other issues and that it wasn't the driver. Whether it was identifying with females, understanding them better then men, hating certain body parts that I have, enjoying more feminine roles, communicating in non-masculine manners, trying desperately to solve it all by trying numerous aspects of the male role as if being good at one of them would make things better but instead just making me feel worse, detesting the testosterone surges both sexually and aggessively. As they come they feel completely alien, detestable, and in complete opposition to what I was actually feeling and thinking internally at the time but the body was on some horrible chemical auto-pilot and afterward they leave me nauseated.
Feeling phantom body parts. Anybody ever have that? You look in the mirror growing up and you know there are certain things that should be there and literally damn feel them as if they are there, but they simply aren't there? I don't know, maybe this is just plain weird.
So far I know one thing that returns and returns. The more I accept myself and my feelings in relation to being a woman the more relaxed I am. Not sexually aroused. RELIEF plain and simple. I'm not on HRT and I'm not full-time, but I am working toward it. In the end, I should have been born a woman and I know it.
Hopefully, I am not the only one because this isn't easy to write.
Quote from: grrl1nside on August 10, 2011, 08:20:12 PM
But taking the question literally in terms of my personal awareness. I knew at puberty but basically ignored it or tried to believe that it was other issues and that it wasn't the driver. Whether it was identifying with females, understanding them better then men, hating certain body parts that I have, enjoying more feminine roles, communicating in non-masculine manners, trying desperately to solve it all by trying numerous aspects of the male role as if being good at one of them would make things better but instead just making me feel worse, detesting the testosterone surges both sexually and aggessively. As they come they feel completely alien, detestable, and in complete opposition to what I was actually feeling and thinking internally at the time but the body was on some horrible chemical auto-pilot and afterward they leave me nauseated.
[...]
Hopefully, I am not the only one because this isn't easy to write.
Definitely not the only one! You just described a good portion of my internal life with that post. Not just before HRT, but after as well!
Quote from: Nurse With Wound on August 09, 2011, 06:36:05 PM
There wasn't a moment or anything that made me suddenly realise, before puberty I wanted to be treated like a girl and would often make up stories in my head where I was female but because of my shy personality I wasn't one of those extroverted kids that tell their parents, rather I just didn't say anything out of fear and ignorance that anything could be done. I didn't really think too much of it and just kind of "got on" with life until I was around 13-14~, then it really started to bother me with puberty and all. Around the same time I also started actively using the Internet and pretty much looked up things about wanted to change my sex and found that there was a lot of other people like that. However I still managed to keep it secret out of fear for another 6~ years and it still is to most people apart from my mum and GP.
We almost have the same story =D only I told my mom. She wasn't supportive at ALL.
Heh, my mum isn't really supportive at all either right now, she's pretty much just ignored it apart from coming to me a second time after I told her to "talk" about it, and by "talk" I mean her telling me she thinks it's wrong and it's only because I don't know how to act like a man and me still being to scared to properly voice how I feel. But I only told her like last month so hopefully she'll come around if I'm able to coherently tell her how I feel.
Your guy's My Little Pony avatars are really distracting. >.<
Quote from: xxJuliaxx on August 11, 2011, 08:22:37 AM
We almost have the same story =D only I told my mom. She wasn't supportive at ALL.
Quote from: Nurse With Wound on August 11, 2011, 08:32:57 AM
Heh, my mum isn't really supportive at all either right now, she's pretty much just ignored it apart from coming to me a second time after I told her to "talk" about it, and by "talk" I mean her telling me she thinks it's wrong and it's only because I don't know how to act like a man and me still being to scared to properly voice how I feel. But I only told her like last month so hopefully she'll come around if I'm able to coherently tell her how I feel.
Just like my story i was even told over my dead body :'( :'( but one year later and shes accepting :D hoping 1 more year and shes supportive ;)
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on August 11, 2011, 08:37:22 AM
Your guy's My Little Pony avatars are really distracting. >.<
No way!! They're awesome!
My Little Pony Physics Presentation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muVfidujxRg#)
Quote from: madirocks on August 11, 2011, 03:45:39 PM
No way!! They're awesome!
My Little Pony Physics Presentation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muVfidujxRg#)
I think Julia's is scary :-\ :-\ :embarrassed:
A Transsexual Woman? Saw and see myself as a Woman, Transsexual is a type of Woman/Man. My first session the Therapist asked me if I was Intersexed...
Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on August 11, 2011, 03:47:41 PM
I think Julia's is scary :-\ :-\ :embarrassed:
Well I really like yours!
Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on August 11, 2011, 03:41:13 PM
Just like my story i was even told over my dead body :'( :'( but one year later and shes accepting :D hoping 1 more year and shes supportive ;)
I hope my mom starts accepting me!!!!!
Quote from: xxJuliaxx on August 12, 2011, 10:25:31 PM
I hope my mom starts accepting me!!!!!
Moms do. They just want to know that you made right decision. If you are kind and let her know it is right decision she will accept you.
the very thing that made me realize I was a woman was that I had the wrong anatomy, a penis that did not belong there.......my anatomy didnt match how I felt inside
Quote from: Jamie Nicole on October 26, 2011, 01:59:12 PM
the very thing that made me realize I was a woman was that I had the wrong anatomy, a penis that did not belong there.......my anatomy didnt match how I felt inside
+1 well said, Jamie.
There has never, as in absolutely, positively, without a doubt, and without any room for debate, ever been a time when I thought of myself as anything other than female. The only uncertainty I ever faced was growing up thinking I may have been the only girl of my kind. I cannot express how lonely that was, not thinking that any other human being on the face of the Earth would ever be able to understand why I was so unhappy. And I can't express how desperate it made me, how envious I was of my cis-gendered female peers, how furious I was (and still am, from time to time).
And it is because of this certainty that I am so abrasive with anyone that would ever suggest that I am a "man in a skirt" or that I will never be able to change my status as a male (no quicker way to make an enemy out of me than this, and a raging one at that). I never HAD status as a male, and I will not accept any argument otherwise. I am, have been, and always will be a female. In this case Biology is of absolutely no consequence to me. Maleness and femaleness have little to do with genitalia, chromosomes, or hormone levels, if ANYTHING at all.
I recognize that not all the women here share the experience of always bearing such conviction toward being called a female, but this has been my experience. I'm a girl, and I won't be told otherwise. I would debate this point with the Creator Itself, and just as harshly (though much more respectfully).