Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm just really stressed right now. As some of you know, having kids is really important to me. My brother and his wife had a miscarriage, and that was kind of upsetting. I'm stuck fantasizing about becoming pregnant, and it's just depressing me. My biggest concern from my transitioning is sperm banking, I know it might be more than I can finantially handle, it might not even work, I don't know what will happen to it if I move out of the country for awhile, and I can't even discuss it with my dad or anyone because I'm not out yet.

And my therapist appointment isn't for another 9 days, ugh.

Honey,
sperm bank!
It helped me some over this, not having my own baby (in my tummy).
I got one son.
Also at YOUR age... your sperm should be fresh as a June morning and last some time.

Alternative? My ts friend is now planning, her gay sis will be acting to be her surrogate.
My friend just got engaged to be married, age 24.

Maybe you have willing and able sis?

Axelle

I don't see my option there! But, I suppose we have to deal with the sad truth.

Honestly I might not even sperm bank because that's not what I want either. I may just end up adopting.

@Axelle: Unfortunately I have no sisters, in the US I have a niece but she's a Jehovah's Witness so.... I doubt she'll be up for it lol. But thanks cause I've never heard any successful banking stories from transsexuals. ^.^

I'm srry Madi what's your option? >.<

sperm banking isnt to bad.
However to use the sperm to impregnate cost about 15-30 K in USD

Not sure what to vote here, so I voted Transsexual, I would have banked if there was anything to bank, alas it wasn't to be :S

Trista. I'm in the exact same boat. My brother and his wife just had a baby about 2 months ago. Everytime I see her, I can't help but feel jealousy. I'd give just about anything to have a baby of my own.

I think it may be more emotionally stressful to have all of the parts, but still unable to bear a child. But there are alternative ways to become pregnant. There are still a lot of bonuses to being an infertile ciswoman that I think I'd take.

I've pretty much accepted the fact - albeit grudgingly - that I will have to adopt a child. I will love and care for my adopted child all the same as if they were my own.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on August 21, 2011, 07:06:31 AM
@Axelle: Unfortunately I have no sisters, in the US I have a niece but she's a Jehovah's Witness so.... I doubt she'll be up for it lol. But thanks cause I've never heard any successful banking stories from transsexuals. ^.^

I'm srry Madi what's your option? >.<

Oh sorry, I was just being silly. I wouldn't pick either of those though. I think one of the biggest upsets is that I can't get pregnant. So I'd rather just adopt. But I can totally understand why some would want to sperm bank.

Quote from: MADI! on August 21, 2011, 07:01:53 AM
I don't see my option there! But, I suppose we have to deal with the sad truth.

Honestly I might not even sperm bank because that's not what I want either. I may just end up adopting.

That's how I feel. I know I'll adopt when I'm ready to start a family, there really aren't any other options I'm comfortable with. Surrogacy maybe could have worked, but if it isn't mine exactly I think I would feel too much resentment or jealousy, which I know is horrible but I don't even want to deal with that...and who knows how a future father would feel about it :-\

I looked into banking but decided to just let it go rather than put myself through all that.

I get so ridiculously jealous of the two women I work with who just had babies...stupid useless biological clock >:(

Quote from: jillian on August 21, 2011, 07:12:48 AM
sperm banking isnt to bad.
However to use the sperm to impregnate cost about 15-30 K in USD

I heard that's the case but right now we seem to be really tight on money. Guess I'll be looking into a job >.<

Quote from: MGKelly on August 21, 2011, 10:52:57 AM
That's how I feel. I know I'll adopt when I'm ready to start a family, there really aren't any other options I'm comfortable with. Surrogacy maybe could have worked, but if it isn't mine exactly I think I would feel too much resentment or jealousy, which I know is horrible but I don't even want to deal with that...and who knows how a future father would feel about it :-\

I looked into banking but decided to just let it go rather than put myself through all that.

I get so ridiculously jealous of the two women I work with who just had babies...stupid useless biological clock >:(

It does seem like it's a lot to handle, and since I like guys that does complicate things. :3

Quote from: Samantharz on August 21, 2011, 10:28:31 AM
Trista. I'm in the exact same boat. My brother and his wife just had a baby about 2 months ago. Everytime I see her, I can't help but feel jealousy. I'd give just about anything to have a baby of my own.

I think it may be more emotionally stressful to have all of the parts, but still unable to bear a child. But there are alternative ways to become pregnant. There are still a lot of bonuses to being an infertile ciswoman that I think I'd take.

I've pretty much accepted the fact - albeit grudgingly - that I will have to adopt a child. I will love and care for my adopted child all the same as if they were my own.

I pictured myself being infertile and it just seems so emotionally painful, I definitely think I would choose being transsexual over being infertile and cis, but I'd definitely adopt if there was no other way. Good luck adopting.

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on August 22, 2011, 02:12:27 PM
I pictured myself being infertile and it just seems so emotionally painful

It's something I try not to think about in my own life because it almost always makes me cry if I do.  Found I was completely infertile when I got tested before starting HRT, and my infertility was probably the result of years of being extremely underweight.  What really makes me cry the most is when I think about how I did it to myself.  How I wasn't strong enough to beat anorexia for far too many years.  But I did beat it, and for that I'm proud.

I had fully planned on banking some just in case because I love children more than just about anything.

Even long before I ever started on HRT I was firing blanks, so I've never been able to have kids. Sometimes it's heartbreaking, especially when others talk about their families and their children. As I get older it gets worse and those who have managed to have children are so lucky.

sweeti i did i won't lie for me who hates the thought of using my penis it was hard but i did it now money wise to store its like 6USD a month. and just do it :) its safer that way :)

my true hope is if i find a boy i love he has a sister because her egg will have the same genes as his sperm :) and if i love a girl well then i will be super jealous she gets to be pregnant but will still have a child :)

Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on August 22, 2011, 04:01:01 PM
sweeti i did i won't lie for me who hates the thought of using my penis it was hard but i did it now money wise to store its like 6USD a month. and just do it :) its safer that way :)

That's well and good for those who at one time in their lives were or still are able to produce sperm. Some of us like me were never able to produce sperm years before we ever started on HRT.

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on August 22, 2011, 04:11:05 PM
That's well and good for those who at one time in their lives were able to produce sperm. Some of us like me were not able to produce sperm long before we ever started on HRT.

you sound like your angry at me for no reason i am only helping trista not trying to upset anyone ...

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on August 22, 2011, 04:11:05 PM
That's well and good for those who at one time in their lives were or still are able to produce sperm. Some of us like me were never able to produce sperm years before we ever started on HRT.

*delurks*

I've thought about that, myself. To be honest, half the reason I'm looking into storing my own sperm is to learn which group I belong to. I'm young, but I know enough not to take my fertility for granted.

*relurks*

@RoadToTrista: I hear you on the pregnancy thing. I banked (and apparently won the facility's top count of the month) and I feel better for it, and I have friends who offered to act as donor surrogates during the conversation in which I came out to them. So I got lucky there. But it doesn't do much for that wish.

What helped me was knowing that with the right hormone regimen, breast feeding is still possible. As painful and laborious as that can be, and as annoying as most cis women find it, I will gladly take it as a consolation prize if its the best that can be done. :)

  I have always wanted children.  I even woke up in the night with my inner voice saying "Why aren't you married?" and "Where are your children?".  GID and the politics and policies of the time was what prevented me to seek help after the late'70s.  I was lucky enough to have one of my sisters that let me take her boys out camping and get them out of her hair for awhile.  All of the nieces from another sibling were out of the state though.  I did play the good uncle to all of my nieces and nephews, this was one of the things that kept me sane.
  Banking sperm was one of the options I was mulling, but at that time, most people thought it was a Frankenstein thing and there were legal ramifications especially if the surrogate wanted to keep the baby.  It was messy. 
  Joelene 

Quote from: LifeInNeon on August 22, 2011, 10:52:50 PM
@RoadToTrista: I hear you on the pregnancy thing. I banked (and apparently won the facility's top count of the month) and I feel better for it, and I have friends who offered to act as donor surrogates during the conversation in which I came out to them. So I got lucky there. But it doesn't do much for that wish.

What helped me was knowing that with the right hormone regimen, breast feeding is still possible. As painful and laborious as that can be, and as annoying as most cis women find it, I will gladly take it as a consolation prize if its the best that can be done. :)

i was wondering that ! wow i love that i really wanted that :) i will no doubt breast feed my child :)

That seems kind of weird. Not the breast feeding but, like, if it's different milk from ciswomen.

Not to mention that it's going to be jam packed with synthetic hormones.  Funny. most of the cis-women I know stop taking everything as soon as they know they are pregnant.

I've always felt that I never needed my own kids. I'm sure my brother will eventually produce several of them, and I'm completely fine being the crazy childless aunt who babysits them once in a while. I like kids, but I don't often fantasize about having any. I never really did, even growing up.

If I ever decide to raise my own kids, I'll just adopt. I think there's plenty of children in this world that don't have parents and could use a couple loving ones. Again, though, I've never really thought too much about this sort of thing. Maybe a maternal instinct will pop up suddenly in ten years, I don't know.

I guess in some ways, I'm afraid of screwing potential children up. I guess that's a fear all parents have at one point or another. Still, mostly, I just want the next ten years open to explore myself and the world outside. Ten years from now, who knows how I'll feel? Either way, I don't mind if my potential children are not technically my own. My mother keeps pushing me to go to the sperm bank, but I honestly don't care. And that's great if you do, though, it's wonderful that you're taking the step to still eventually have your own children someday. I just never had that drive, and the sperm bank is an expense that I'd rather not shell out for, considering all the other things I need to spend money on just so I, myself, can be happy.

It's the same as what a cis woman produces. And just like for cis women, the more important part is to keep the feeding schedule regular so your body keeps producing enough. No, this is not some *trick* for trans women. It works the same way for cis women: breast feeding is a use-it-or-lose-it bodily function no matter who you are. You can even stimulate it non-hormonally by mechanically pumping at regular intervals leading up to the birth so that your body produces a sufficient quantity. Without hormones, (either from pregnancy or HRT) a woman is unlikely to reach the same quantity as a pregnant woman or a trans woman with a progressive progesterone regimen.

And pregnant women who stop hormone replacement that they need for other reasons(particularly cis women on anti-androgens for hirsutism)  do so because it can cause birth defects, not because of anything being synthetic. Once the baby is born, the situation changes.

well i see my endo next month i will ask :)

I actually went crazy friday night trying to figure out how I can stimulate breast milk production without hormones. And there are ways you can do it with your hands. Let me find a link.

Hi, I'm back. That was fast huh? I know. It was like instant. I'm cool like that. Here's the link.

http://web.archive.org/web/20100104101522/http://secondtype.com/lactation.htm (http://web.archive.org/web/20100104101522/http://secondtype.com/lactation.htm)

Should give some good information.

Quote from: Samantharz on August 23, 2011, 04:01:48 PM
I actually went crazy friday night trying to figure out how I can stimulate breast milk production without hormones. And there are ways you can do it with your hands. Let me find a link.

Hi, I'm back. That was fast huh? I know. It was like instant. I'm cool like that. Here's the link.

http://web.archive.org/web/20100104101522/http://secondtype.com/lactation.htm (http://web.archive.org/web/20100104101522/http://secondtype.com/lactation.htm)

Should give some good information.

i can only say yay :) hehe i love the fact i can feed my child thanks Sam!

Welcome! I love the idea of connecting with my child in such a way. Breast feeding may seem tedious to ciswomen, but they take it granted. Just like a lot (not all) of them take bearing children for granted.

Quote from: Samantharz on August 23, 2011, 04:23:51 PM
Welcome! I love the idea of connecting with my child in such a way. Breast feeding may seem tedious to ciswomen, but they take it granted. Just like a lot (not all) of them take bearing children for granted.

Whenever I say I want to do this, or want to bear children, or I mention I willingly cycle my progesterone, I get the same dumbfounded, disbelieving face and a "Why would you WANT that? It sucks!" I want to reply "That's because you take it for granted." but I feel like that would be a bitchy thing to say, especially since it is harder for some women than others and you never know when you're talking to a woman who has serious problems with it.

I'm pretty interested in this myself. Though I'll never be able to bear my children, I would love to be able to nurture them.  :)

Quote from: Samantharz on August 23, 2011, 04:01:48 PM
I actually went crazy friday night trying to figure out how I can stimulate breast milk production without hormones. And there are ways you can do it with your hands. Let me find a link.

Hi, I'm back. That was fast huh? I know. It was like instant. I'm cool like that. Here's the link.

http://web.archive.org/web/20100104101522/http://secondtype.com/lactation.htm (http://web.archive.org/web/20100104101522/http://secondtype.com/lactation.htm)

Should give some good information.

I really wish it were that easy. Though breast massage helps, it won't work all by itself. If you're going the mechanical route, you'll need an electric (preferably double) breast pump. It has to be electric; not even a manual pump will do. Decent ones seem to run about 250-400 USD. I understand you can rent them too, but I don't know which is the better option.

The hard part is going to be finding a women who after caring the child for 9 months, and then birthing it, with all the emotional and psychological changes that brings on, who will go along.

Quote from: tekla on August 23, 2011, 07:42:39 PM
The hard part is going to be finding a women who after caring the child for 9 months, and then birthing it, with all the emotional and psychological changes that brings on, who will go along.

It's true. I've thought of that, and I can totally understand why it would be hard. It may seem cruel, but I would have a contract in place. Or I'd just adopt an infant. Though I know that'll be hard, it'd be far less complicated.

Contracts in that area are notoriously unenforceable, both nationally and internationally.  And though its not impossible a HWI as they are called (healthy white infant) from a non-using/drinking bMom, are at a premium.

Blah Tekla, you're killing me here  :'( don't tell that!!!

I guess I'll just have to find someone whom I deeply and unconditionally trust to carry my child. It seems to be the best option I have.

Yeah, watch out. I knew a surrogate that drank heavily, she still charged 20k.

I have a kid, one kid, and that was more than enough. Sterility is a mixed blessing that I am physiologically very close to embracing.

Honestly, I feel a little bit guilty about having a daughter. I can't really pin down why. I love her, I take care of and guide her quite a bit, I can't imagine my life without her, but I don't really feel like I should have... Well, that's a train of thought I can't really catch.

I got extremely lucky in the surrogate department. I have firm, unsolicited (and lately repeated) offers from two women without whom I wouldn't be here, and I trust both of them completely. It may not work out when the time comes, but I would stake anything that they'd each do their best to make it happen. But the first part will be finding someone to share the joy with.

My child is 18 months old that I had naturally with my wife, though the next one will be from the sperm-popsicle route.  I banked just before starting hormones in March.  The cost wasn't as bad as I expected it to be; I think $1300 up front, and about $700 each year after (though I can't remember exactly).  This was a big deal for both my wife and myself, and knowing that we can hopefully more children is one of the keys to our enduring marriage.

I intend to bank sperm. As I'm primarily attracted to men I expect that I'll most likely be a single mum (because I don't expect to find a straight man to marry me despite my past and, even if I did, I don't expect he'd be comfortable with having his wife provide the sperm for his baby).

Now all I have to do is make lots of young healthy female friends so that I can find a surrogate. In Australia it is illegal to pay or advertise for a surrogate and the gestational carrier (the woman that carries the child) must not be genetically related to the child (and must already have her own child). Thus you need both an egg donor and a gestational carrier.

Quote from: caitlin_adams on August 24, 2011, 06:03:46 PM
I intend to bank sperm. As I'm primarily attracted to men I expect that I'll most likely be a single mum (because I don't expect to find a straight man to marry me despite my past and, even if I did, I don't expect he'd be comfortable with having his wife provide the sperm for his baby).

Oh come on, now. There are lots of straight guys out there who couldn't care less about a trans* past. Sure there's more than what's fair who do, but if they're that swayed by the matter, doesn't that already tell you something about their judgment and tolerance?

As for which one of you gets to donate the sperm, if you're going to find a surrogate and have the kid with or without a partner, that kinda makes that decision easy, doesn't it? ;)

There were sterility issues with me before I began HRT too, but I never went all the way to figure out if I was completely infertile.  I figured back then that I'd be marrying a man as a woman. Sperm would be useless I figured so I went ahead with the orchi.

Today my life has changed so much - that was a very poor decision on my part at the age of 19.  I thought I had it all figured out, but I couldn't have possibly known I'd find a way to live with my condition with transition.  Now, my inability to provide sperm for children is a great source of stress in my relationship - one possibly could have prevented.

My advice is, you never know how your thoughts will change down the road, save sperm if you can - I wish I had.

Quote from: LifeInNeon on August 24, 2011, 06:10:10 PM
Oh come on, now. There are lots of straight guys out there who couldn't care less about a trans* past. Sure there's more than what's fair who do, but if they're that swayed by the matter, doesn't that already tell you something about their judgment and tolerance?

As for which one of you gets to donate the sperm, if you're going to find a surrogate and have the kid with or without a partner, that kinda makes that decision easy, doesn't it? ;)

You're right, I'm sure there are am few out there, but I see friends of mine that are single, lovely people and they have had difficulty finding a partner and I guess I assume that the fact I was born with XY chromosomes will make it an order of magnitude harde (and the fact that I'll be starting to try and find a partner at 29). It's not impossible, but I don't expect to. If I do then it's a bonus and I'd be the happiest, most surprised woman alive.

You can't tell I'm a pessimist can you?

I'll be 30 by the time I start looking for someone, what with rules being what they are. :) Check out OKCupid, I know a lot of LGBTQ folks have had good experiences there. Two of my old roommates found someone on eHarmony but I don't know what if any support they have for LGBTQ. I can't really say much about any of the other sites.