Sorry for the lack of updates recently; I haven't gotten myself to make a real post.
I really need help right now. I'm scared and almost panicked. At my last appointment with the psychiatrist, even though I was sure I'd have plenty of time, I didn't have time to talk about the most important - trans - issues with him, because I had decided to talk about my ADHD first, since school was about to start. But it was already urgent that I talked to him... Now, it just sound like it's too late. Catastrophe has happened. You can bury the dead.
I started begging for transition two years ago. I was forced to stall. I started seeing the "specialist" psychiatrist this January. Still haven't been able to talk seriously about transition with him. He keeps directing us away at stupid-ass things like my so-called personality disorders.
Even when I started seeing him, I was still in the lucky tray. But since last June, puberty has hit another spike, even though I'm already 20.
Beard has doubled. Estimated cost: additional 1000$ electrolysis. But that had already started.
Since the start of the summer, these terrible, suicidal-state-inducing changes have occurred at a frightening speed:
My Adam's apple, whilst small and almost invisible before, is now huge. Estimated cost: 3000$ for a tracheal shave. DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE EVEN ONE THOUSAND?!
Voice broke. Yeah. I was lucky, right? Still a girl's voice at 20. Well, it's broken. My hopes, destroyed. Songs I used to sing beautifully two months ago are in an ugly falsetto. I can't stand to talk anymore, so I just shut up. Every words feels and sounds like crap, like an utmost failure of my whole self. Estimated cost: ->-bleeped-<-ING INVALUABLE x1000.
Hair on the top of my head has thinned enormously. Estimated cost: ->-bleeped-<-ING INVALUABLE.
Rib cage has grown a lot. It was already too big. I know because I need a lot of strength to pin my arms WHERE THEY ->-bleeped-<-ING BELONG, on my waist. Estimated costs: ->-bleeped-<-ING INVALUABLE.
Libido has increased tenfold, to my greatest dismise. Estimated cost: my happiness daily.
Aggressivity has increased tenfold or more, and it's 100% outside my personality. Estimated cost: my happiness daily.
My right hand is taking on a frighteningly masculine shape, with all bones, joints in particular, thickening hugely. Estimated cost: ->-bleeped-<-ING INVALUABLE.
My skin is getting really thick. Estimated cost: discomfort with every movement.
Muscle strength and size is just going up like there's no tomorrow. Estimated cost: my happiness daily.
---
What the hell should I do? Someone bring me a time machine or something. I can't believe my body is self-destructing so fast. One season and it's a nightmare. Is there some way to cancel recent changes?
WHAT CAN I DO? I have an appointment with my family doctor on Tuesday, but how can I convince her? She'll say it's not in her juridiction. How can I convince her I need a ->-bleeped-<-ing anti-androgen prescription YESTERDAY?
Waiting for my next psychiatrist appointment is out of question... IT'S IN ->-bleeped-<-ING NOVEMBER.
I want to cry, but I think it's the androgens' fault I can only growl in rage. I wanna sue that psychiatrist's ass so bad right now. I want a hug.
*glomp* <^.^>
I know how it feels A, just relax it'll go down.
Honey. I want you to stop and take a LONG breath. I want you to reread your post. These things can't happen in just a couple of months, and the things you listed are odd. Your right hand is changing shape because it is used the most, if you are right handed, then you use it for everything. Therefore the muscle is building up. I highly doubt the adam's apple has changed any. I used to think my hair was thinning until one day I decided to measure my hair line, to eyebrow. It wasn't, in fact it wasn't doing anything. Practice your voice as much as possible, although I am pretty your voice already has set in a long time ago. Pleas Please Please take a breath and relax. You can't run before you walk! <3
Road:
What will? My brand new super cool Adam's apple? I doubt it. My voice? Probably, very low. Either way, I don't think calming down will help.
Tyler: I know it's hard to believe, but I swear it's true. My hair has thinned a lot. I see it on my hair brush, and my mother has confirmed it was much thinner up there. My voice, it's not a question of practice... It was close to perfect a couple months ago. Now the same notes are out of reach. And two weeks ago, it was better...
Sorry I'm so mean; I'm trembling right now.
Quote from: A on September 11, 2011, 12:56:16 AM
Road:
What will? My brand new super cool Adam's apple? I doubt it. My voice? Probably, very low. Either way, I don't think calming down will help.
Well it does, it helps a lot. The more you stress about it the worst it will feel.
Why self-medicating shouldn't be discouraged. Psychiatrist = absolutely pointless proffession.
A, you just have to find a way to see someone else instead. Is there no way you could get to a proper clinic in Montreal? This psychiatrist has been torturing you for months now. ->-bleeped-<- him and his useless idiotic waste-of-time technique. You need to see someone who actually will give a ->-bleeped-<- about you, and HELP you transition rather than just getting in your way.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, hun. At least know that there are girls who successfully transition at ages many years older than you. I know it doesn't help with the androgens driving you nuts (I can totally relate to that, they were hell), but the truth is you are still really young, and have every chance to have a smooth transition if you can find someone who won't just jerk you around. And yes, the majority of the changes you described are still reversible - skin, muscle, even bone since you aren't out of puberty yet.
Wish I could offer a real hug, but this is the best I can do :icon_hug:.
Please dont stress as much, there are things that you can do right now that can make youself feel better about your image.
A good lotion can soften your skin.
Practice your voice, remeber even a womans will change.
Wear things that make you happy.
Reading your post made me want to cry. :( I remember feeling very similar around your age because that's when I started getting all the nasty changes too. Is there an informed consent clinic in your area? If not, try your best to convince your doctor, but if that fails I don't know what else I could recommend, at least within the rules of this site...
Some people have contacted me with self-medication offers. I should say that:
-I've done a quick search, and I'm almost sure laws are much more severe in Canada and overseas shippings of prescription drugs is most probably not possible through normal means. I'd have to resort to the same people that import cocaine, which is not safe at all.
-I have been warned that the whole system would abandon me if I ever resorted to self-medication: no prescriptions (so no more insurance paying 70% costs), and no recommendation for surgery, which means I'd have to go overseas and pay for it (which is an extra 10 000 if I include the plane)... Might I say that my annual revenue is not much higher than 10 000$ BEFORE food and the apartment?
Moving on, I've had a night (or rather, half a night and a morning...) of sleep and panic is gone, I guess. Sadness and deep annoyance remain, though.
I think my best chance is to try to convince my family doctor that treatment is urgent. The last time I told her about the problem was when she referred me to the psychiatrist, and then she had said she couldn't do anything, that it wasn't her job. This can't be much more than a convention, since I really don't see why she'd need the psychiatrist to prescribe at least finasteride and spironolactone...
I've always been ESPECIALLY bad at conversations, and even more so when I need to convince people. I swear you've never seen someone as bad at this as me. I'd immensely appreciate it if you had tips, techniques, ANYTHING, basically, to hope getting something from her... I can't just come in looking distressed; she'll tell me I should just calm down. Also, seeing the disbelief even the people here expressed, I'm pretty sure she'll think i'm exaggerating and imagining things, that I couldn't have possibly had all these changes in such a short time...
People have been telling me about clinics in Montréal... Well, I know there is at least one private clinic at Montréal, but that's 5 hours away from here. I would either have to move or take several trains/buses over week-ends to get there, which is expensive...
If your doc is a psycologist, they cant do meds, you need the other one... I just went thought that. One gives meds the other does nothung more than chat.
To be more relexed and able to convince the doc, accept yourself, accept that you will transition, and try a different doc. Some are just bad or thing that TG is something that can be "fixed".
Id hate to say that you are exagerating because I know those changes come fast, but the perception of them would be faster, and worse because they are so unwanted. You feel as though your going away from where you belong. Youll be okay, you will be femme, you will be happy. Remember that women always think they have fat asses and are just fat when they arent. Its perceptions and personal interpratation of the changes.
I can say that some of your changes will be fixed. You are early enough to get a good chest, minimal facial hair, hips. Your also still young and it really does take many years to become masculine, its not an overnight process and just trust that you will start your transition before too long.
Acceptance has been behind me for two years.
My doctor is a family doctor, not a psychologist.
Well, accpet that it will happen, you will transition and if she refuses to understand who you are and what you need, then its time for a new doc.
But relax and understand that you will transition. You have your entire life ahead of you.
Can you ask your family doctor for a Propecia script for thinning hair? At least that's something.
Also since these are new phenomena, there is a good chance many of them may reverse if you get on HRT relatively soon, meaning within a year, maybe two. I don't have any scientific backing for that other than my own experience. My jawline started squaring really significantly as I approached 30 and I got on HRT soon thereafter and, in spite of people saying bone structure doesn't change after your early 20s, it reversed itself almost completely and I have a mostly soft facial profile again. That was only true for the jawline, which was newly masculinized, and not for any other bone structure anywhere else.
Quote from: A on September 11, 2011, 11:06:34 AM
I've always been ESPECIALLY bad at conversations, and even more so when I need to convince people. I swear you've never seen someone as bad at this as me. I'd immensely appreciate it if you had tips, techniques, ANYTHING, basically, to hope getting something from her... I can't just come in looking distressed; she'll tell me I should just calm down. Also, seeing the disbelief even the people here expressed, I'm pretty sure she'll think i'm exaggerating and imagining things, that I couldn't have possibly had all these changes in such a short time...
I really wouldn't suggest looking distressed. I'd suggest the opposite - try to seem self-assured, together, and relaxed. Don't beg, but be very polite. If she says she'll consider it, thank her profusely for her help. I'd suggest starting by saying that you are having a personality conflict with the psychiatrist and you'd really prefer not to keep seeing him (she should interpret that as "he's an ass"), and ask if there are any other options. If she can't provide any, or if they are impossible, that's when you move on to could you prescribe for and monitor me? It would help if you have some knowledge about the doses, and how the whole system works, standards of care, etc. The more you can impress on her that you know what you are doing, and really all you need is the script and some blood test monitoring, the more likely she is to help you out.
It also depends on what kind of prior relationship she has with you. Does she generally respect you, and think you are decent person? The better her opinion of you to begin with the easier it will be, otherwise you'll really be working up hill.
But in the end she could still just flat out say no, and you'll have to look at other options. Getting scripts out of GPs that they don't like giving is a tricky business. Oddly enough, the less desperate you seem, the more it seems like just a little favour, the better your chances. They generally don't like getting involved in anything serious that's outside their expertise, but if it isn't serious...
Good luck!
(Also. if you could get in touch with one of the clinics in Montreal and ask how many appointments you'd need for a HRT assessment, that might help. Explain you are a ways away, and there are no good treatment options in your area. The two gender therapists I've seen - in BC and Ontario - refer for HRT after only 2-3 appointments.)
Her opinion of me? She thinks I'm a child with a lot of trouble getting in time at appointments. She thinks I have worked hard to make my life better. That's all I know.
As for clinics in Montréal... I've searched a bit, but the only thing I find is the surgery clinic... Also, closer to me, there's supposedly an endocrinologist with a lot of trans experience in Montréal - that's who my psychiatrist is supposed to refer me to when he feels like it - but I don't know his name...
Ugh, I suck at searching.
I walked straight in, told my docs I'm a girl, and talk about my RLE while waiting out the Soc timetable. I address nothing else with them until transition is over. Don't be scared to demand treatment if you're ready.
Heya,
I know exactly what your going through. A couple months ago I was almost at a point where I was gonna start transition, I scheduled my appointment with an endocrinologist, and when I got to my counselor for the letter....she stalled the whole thing. I was devastated. I become very depressed for quite a while following. In addition, the endo was the gatekeeper type; I had seen her before and she insisted on playing out the social role first, which was a HUGE problem for me because I do not pass yet. The anxiety of looking that out of place would only make matters worse.
What did I do? Next time I saw my counselor, I basically made my point extremely clear that I'm doing this with or without her help. And I followed through on that, and began researching and researching till I found a doctor that did informed consent on hormones. This doctor took on a very different approach and after speaking to her for 10-15 minutes she said I was a good candidate and now we will be getting things going in the near future.
This all did not come without a ton of struggle, pain, and dark nights wondering if I would EVER get through my life like this. What I learned from it all: if one thing does not work, keep searching until you find something that DOES work. It's hard, yes, but if you want to DO it, you WILL find a way to make it a reality. You can pull through.
I don't know if there is much I can do to help, but I am willing to help you search for providers in your area, feel free to shoot me up a PM at anytime as well.
Quote from: EmmaM on September 11, 2011, 03:36:04 PM
I walked straight in, told my docs I'm a girl, and talk about my RLE while waiting out the Soc timetable. I address nothing else with them until transition is over. Don't be scared to demand treatment if you're ready.
That's pretty much what I did too, only I let my fingers do the marching beforehand. My therapist sent me a life history questionnaire that she could read before my first session so that we didn't have to spend billable time on mundane details that had nothing to do with my reason for therapy. Not exactly known for my brevity, I sent her eight pages in return. :laugh:
So on my first session, I opened up about all of my frustrations and let her know that I was ready to get on hormones so I could stop stressing about testosterone damage. My second session, I told her that I had an honors thesis to write in the next two months, I had to research graduate programs and apply, that I had another class, worked about 35 hours per week, and really didn't need the weight of testosterone damage on my brain while I did it. She smiled and calmly said, "Sounds like it's time for a letter." I concurred enthusiastically.
Make your thoughts and concerns known, and don't let up until they see things from your point of view! As much as you may be screaming inside, be sure to remain calm so they fully understand that this is a rational and thought-out decision you're making. You don't want urgency to be read as irrationality, because the last thing you want is to provide ammunition to the thought that you just "need more time to think things though."
Im sorry. Maybe you should sue the psychiatrist. What you are experiencing is personal bias interferring with a serious issue.
I think that in a community where 31% of its members commit suicide is far more serious of an issue than add which some could argue is not even real, or at the very least not as critical as gid.
While I think you should definitely consider a lawsuit, you must also be where you are. I think if you are like me, you are most likely seeing more than whats there, thats not to take away from the pain you feel. I understand the hopelessness and despair one can feel.
If there is nothing you can do, or that you are willing to do then you must live with the decisions you make. I myself couldnt wait, and I self medicated and I was terrified the feds were going to bust me or something. Im not familiar with canadian laws or standards concerning healthcare, but I know in America, there is an iron curtain when it comes to drugs. However, I would rather of dealt with the consequences of "black market" hormones than continue another day as I was. I had to consider jail, or even death, and for me, I did what I had too.
Im sorry you are hurting, I wish I could help it stop, but for all the pain we feel, the moments of joy that come out of being true to yourself cannot be compared to anything other than pure love. <3
Sorry if this sounds harsh but you REALLY need to calm down hun your only 20 years old you have alot of time to transition, this isn't a race. I think your kind of exaggerating the physical changes that are happening, relax take a nerve pill or something lol.
Quote from: A on September 11, 2011, 12:44:20 AM
Still haven't been able to talk seriously about transition with him. He keeps directing us away at stupid-ass things like my so-called personality disorders.
Well there is a good reason why he is doing that. He wants to make sure you really have GID and not a personality disorder before he proceeds with a treatment plan. If you really think he is screwing you over then find someone else, a few months isn't going to hurt your ability to pass.
Again i'm sorry but i thought you needed some tough love. Relax A you'll be fine. :P
Being aged 20 you are still in a much better place than a lot of the people on here. Sure it sucks but it is not the end of the world.
Hell I went to the doctor 6 months ago and I still got 6 months to wait before I even get my first proper appointment (other than the one to make sure I am not like insane or something). Least you are going somewhere already.
Hi, i am not a transgender person but let me tell you- ive been in this situation before not this exact one but ive felt exactly the way you do. One thing you must know is that stressing will not do you any good, stress will make you feel worse, its easier said than done though and i understand that. Firstly the most important and helpful thing you can do is accept yourself the way you are, if you deeply dislike yourself and your body it is a very difficult thing to do i know that first hand. One thing that can help you is to think ahead of now, think of when you are able to get hormones and eventually in the future possibly surgery. This is temporary and I know that it still hurts regardless especially because you say that you see all these changes in yourself that you hate. Its distressing to see all these changes in your body that you do not want to see or have, ive been through that as well but you have to constantly tell yourself that this is your life now but it will be better, you will not stay in this rut forever but you have to help yourself crawl out of the hole. Stressing and focusing on the negatives will not do anything but make you feel worse. Everything has a solution- your beard, adams apple, etc. Those things are not impossible to fix, there are things like bone structure and such that will not be able to change but that's minor- and it should not hinder your journey. If you really want it you will get it- you should feel lucky that you live in a time where technology and such is able to help you transform your body. As far as the psychiatric aspects of this goes, you should get another opinion after all that is a right- if you are not happy with this person you need to look somewhere else. I was in a situation like this before and sometimes "medical professionals" dont know what's best for you- you know yourself better and you should try looking for someone that has your interests in mind. Good Luck and try to relax hun- it will be ok
Quote from: jillian on September 11, 2011, 03:51:17 PM
...for all the pain we feel, the moments of joy that come out of being true to yourself cannot be compared to anything other than pure love. <3
Yes! Yes! Yes!
EmmaM: I wish I were able to do that... Even in a job interview it's like this. I go around, and around, and around, until I'm finally able to get to the point. This psychiatrist doesn't have the patience to let me talk.
findingreason: Thank you.
Zoë Natasha: I'll try. Tomorrow night I'll prepare my speech well, or else I'll get lost in my sentences.
Sarah7: Thanks for the recommendations. I sent all of these an email asking for advice. Project 10 doesn't seem to have an email address, though. I had to find their Facebook page, which doesn't take messages, on which I could find their Myspace page. I created a Myspace account to send them a message. I doubt they'll see it. Here is the message (cropped out the names):
Quote
(ENGLISH VERSION BELOW)
Je ne suis pas certaine de votre langue préférée, donc j'écris ce message en anglais et en français pour être sûre d'être comprise. Je préfère le français, mais je me débrouille en anglais.
Je suis une transsexuelle MTF de 20 ans et j'habite Saguenay... Autant dire loin. J'ai commencé à demander un traitement nécessaire à ma transition il y a deux ans. Ma psychologue à l'époque, XX, m'a dit d'en parler à ma médecin, XX, qui, à son tour, après insistance, m'a assuré qu'elle ne pouvait absolument rien faire pour moi et m'a référée au psychiatre XX. J'ai commencé à voir le docteur XX en janvier dernier.
Le docteur XX a commencé nos rencontres par des avertissements aux saveurs de menaces. Il m'a bien avertie que "l'hormonothérapie avec un couteau sur la gorge, avec lui, ça ne marchait pas", que si j'essayais de le pousser, il arrêterait le suivi, et que si lui ne m'aidait pas, personne ne le ferait. Si je n'étais pas contente, je n'avais qu'à me rendre impossible toute aide médicale ou financière en optant pour le marché noir à Montréal. C'est donc sur des airs de prudence et de nécessité de lui plaire que s'amorce notre suivi.
Pour lui, et mon trouble de personnalité obsessionnelle qu'il a lui-même diagnostiqué mon trouble déficitaire de l'attention (TDA) sont d'une gravité incroyable et doivent être entièrement guéris (psst, c'est impossible) avant de même discuter d'un traitement pour le transsexualisme... Ou c'est du moins l'image que j'en ai, puisqu'il s'exprime peu et vaguement. Cependant, malgré d'énormes améliorations apportées à quasiment tous les aspects de ma vie au prix d'efforts, rien ne bouge. À l'image de cela, au dernier rendez-vous, je n'ai pas eu le temps de placer un seul mot sur le problème capital et on n'a parlé que de TDA. Je lui ai dit que j'étais très mal face à ça, et c'est de son habituel air antipathique et exaspéré qu'il m'a donné un nouveau rendez-vous en NOVEMBRE.
Sauf qu'en plus des nombreux changements désagréables survenus depuis deux ans d'une attente qu'on ne me jamais justifiée, avant laquelle ma décision était déjà fermement prise, depuis le début de cet été à peine, une nouvelle poussée de puberté, semble-t-il, a fait muer la voix que j'avais encore la chance d'avoir conservée, a aminci grandement mes cheveux et fait apparaître une énorme pomme d'Adam, et ce n'est que la pointe de l'iceberg. La situation me semble plus urgente que jamais et il faut agir vite ; d'ici novembre, date à laquelle il n'aurait de toute façon rien fait pour moi selon toute vraisemblance, ce sera encore pire et encore plus irréversible.
Je trouve les méthodes du docteur XX très inappropriées et j'aimerais qu'on m'aide ; j'ai l'impression d'être le dindon d'une gigantesque farce. Je ne demande même pas une prescription d'oestrogènes... Ce que je veux, c'est bêtement qu'on sauve les meubles, qu'on arrête les dégâts en attendant que quelqu'un se décide à se bouger. Un anti-androgène me suffirait pour patienter...
C'est avec cela en tête que j'ai demandé des conseils (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,105424.20.html) (<-- Lien) au groupe de soutien en ligne auquel je participe, mais ce sont presque tous des anglophones, et pratiquement aucun ne vit là où je vis, donc ils ne peuvent pas faire de miracles. Une des membres m'a cependant conseillé votre site Web, et je voudrais vous demander votre avis sur mes options. Que puis-je faire ? Je crois avoir raison quand j'affirme que ma situation est inacceptable.
Bien sûr, je n'ai vraiment pas beaucoup d'argent et je commence à peine à me responsabiliser, donc je préférerais une ressource proche ; cependant, vu la gravité et l'urgence de la situation, je suis disposée à me déplacer si c'est vraiment nécessaire, voire même à déménager pour trouver de l'aide ailleurs. J'ai une soeur qui habite Montréal depuis peu. Être moi-même est plus important que tout.
Je vous écris donc pour savoir si vous pouviez me référer des ressources (les moins dispendieuses possible - j'ai moins de 1500$ d'économies durement amassées) pour débloquer la situation.
Ce mardi 13 septembre, j'ai rendez-vous avec ma médecin généraliste qui, si elle m'a déjà assurée qu'elle ne pouvait rien faire, a supposément tous les droits requis pour faire une telle prescription, et en-dehors d'une suggestion de votre part, elle est mon dernier espoir avant une attente catastrophique (car les changements décrits ci-dessus et bien d'autres empirent carrément de semaine en semaine) avant un rendez-vous de toute façon infructueux avec le psychiatre...
Je sais que c'est beaucoup demander, mais ça serait vraiment magique si vous pouviez me répondre avant mon rendez-vous de mardi, 10:10 (je pars en autobus, donc départ à 8:15, voire avant). J'aurai besoin de tous les arguments possibles et imaginables pour la convaincre de m'aider, et mes habiletés dans ce domaine sont très limitées.
Espérant avoir une réponse prompte,
XX.
(Ce message a été envoyé à la coordonnatrice des services de santé de l'organisme À deux mains et, la psychologue Nicole Marek et Projet 10, les trois ressources qu'on m'a conseillées.)
(ENGLISH TRANSLATION)
I am not sure about your preferred language, so I am writing this message in English as well as in French to make sure I am understood. I prefer French, but I can manage in English.
I am a 20-year-old MTF transsexual living in Saguenay... Far away. I started requesting a treatment necessary for transition two years ago. My psychologist back then, XX, had directed me to my general practitioner, XX, who, after much insisting, assured me she could not do anything for me at all and referred me to the psychiatrist Rupert Lessard. I started seeing Dr XX this January.
Doctor XX started our meetings with threat-flavoured warnings. He warned me that "hormone replacement therapy (HRT) with a knife on the throat did not work on him", that if I tried to push him forward, he would stop the follow-up, and that if he would not treat me nobody would. If I wasn't happy with that, I could just have any medical or financial help denied to me by going for the black market in Montreal. Therefore, it was in a climate of prudence and trying to please him that our follow-up started.
For him, my obsessional personality disorder, diagnosed by himself, and my attention deficit disorder (ADD) are of an incredible importance and must be entirely cured (psst, it's impossible) before we can even talk about a treatment for transsexualism... At least this is the impression I get, since he expresses himself little and vaguely. However, despite enormous improvements to my life I obtained with effort, nothing moves. Reflecting that, at our last appointment, I did not have time to say a single word on the one important problem and we could only speak of the ADD. I told him I was very uneasy with that, and with his usual unpleasant and exasperated look that he gave me another appointment in NOVEMBER.
But on top of the numerous unpleasant changes my body has seen in two years of a wait no one has ever justified to me, before which my decision was already firmly taken, since the start of this summer only, a new burst of puberty, seemingly, has made the voice I was lucky to still have break, has thinned my hair and has caused a large Adam's apple to appear, and this is only the tip of the iceberg. The situation appears more urgent than ever to me and swift action is required; by November, when the psychiatrist will most probably still do nothing for me, it will be even worse and more irreversible.
I think Dr XX's methods are very unappropriate and I would like someone to help me; I feel like I am being made a fool of. I am not even asking for an estrogen prescription... I simply want to stop the damage until someone does their job. An anti-androgen would be enough to enable me to wait...
It was with this in mind that I asked the online support group I participate to for advice, but they are almost all anglophones, and practically none of them lives where I do, so they cannot do miracles. One of the members has, however, recommended your website to me, and I would like to ask you for advice on my options. What can I do? I think I am right when I say my situation is unacceptable.
Of course, I really don't have a lot of money and I am just starting to become responsible, so I would prefer a nearby resource; however, seeing how grave the situation is, if it is really necessary, I can travel if it is really necessary, or even move permanently to find help elsewhere. My sister has moved in Montréal recently. Being myself is more impostant than anything.
I am writing to you to ask if you could refer resources to me - as cheap as possible since I have less than 1500$ I worked hard to save - to unblock the situation.
This Tuesday, September 13th, I have an appointment with my general practitioner who, whilst having assured me she couldn't do anything, should have all the rights required to make such a prescription for me, and unless you have a good suggestion for me, she represents my last hope before a catastrophic wait (because the changes described above are getting worse every week) before an appointment, fruitless anyway, with the psychiatrist.
I know I am asking for a lot, but it would be wonderful if you could reply before my appointment on Tuesday, 10:10 (I will be going by bus, so I will leave at 8:15, or even before that). I will need all the arguments I can find to convince her to help me, and my abilities in my domain are very limited.
Hoping for a quick reply,
XX.
(This message has been sent to the Health Services Coordinator of the organism Head and Hands, the psychologist Nicole Marek and Project 10, the three ressources that have been recommended to me.)
As for your offer, I will gladly accept it. I think I should take any help I can get...
jillian: It appears the control on prescription drugs is much tighter in Canada than it is in the United States, so sadly, I don't think it will be possible for me...
PS: America ≠ United States. Canada is in America, too, and Chile is, too. o_o
The others: Thank you for your help. Please note the first message was a truly exceptional episode of panic and does not reflect my present or usual state.
Oh my god! How does this all familiar! Hey, well, so do not worry! Everything will be fine. I'm older than you are not a lot. The very beginning of HRT is not so long ago, but after 8 months I have had the surgery. Why in your country, you can not start HRT without a doctor? In Russia, many transsexuals do not rely on them and bought in pharmacies and anti-androgens hormones. Obtaining permission from a doctor at all and we have a problem. Some transgender people to 10 years go to a psychiatrist, and there are about one thing: either you gay, or you change the androgyne, and does not cost anything ... If you have a voice still remains - Train him. With hair and I have a problem. Yes, and a broad chest. And yet men find me attractive. So do not be sad, everything will be fine! Write me, if that.
Sarah7: You're amazing! I feel dumb now because I hadn't found all that. Hm, I'll probably be comfortable calling, but maybe it'll be expensive since it's far away... But oh well, what's a few dollars? If no email has been answered by 17:00 tonight, I'm calling. Thank you for everything you're doing.
Amazon: I'm happy your life is going along well, but I'm not sure I understand your sentences. :x
Basically, she says some countries have more lax laws A, and was asking if you couldn't just self-med. It is obvious that you can't since Canada's laws seen to favor the gatekeepers.
Here in Brazil, I self-med and it is legal. I go to the drugstore and I ask for what I want. I was having huge problems with doctors as well.
Got a reply!
Quote
Hello XX,
I will reply to you in English just because I feel more comfortable writing in this language. Your story sounds extremely frustrating. As you live in Saguenay I have no one I could refer you to in that region but I can offer you some ideas on how to proceed from here. First, if you believe your psychiatrist is treating your case unethically you can always make a complaint to the association of psychiatrists of Quebec (http://www.ampq.org (http://www.ampq.org)). It is up to your mental health worker to determine that your other mental health issues are in check, but each practitioner may differ in their definition of this. Second, I believe your doctor may be allowed to refuse treatment if she feels she does not have enough training with your specific issue. You can always try to meet with another GP who may be more open to learning about transgender care. It could help to bring along a copy of the booklet on transgender endocrine therapy I have attached to this email. (Page A-3 describes the normal dose of medication for feminization, and page A-13 describes the blood work to be done beforehand.) I am sorry I only have a copy in English. Third, you can contact an endocrinologist in your area (or ask for a referral from your GP) to request a psychologist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor who is experienced with transgender care. They may not know anyone but it is worth a try. Unfortunately in Quebec you need a recommendation letter from a mental health worker in order to access endocrine therapy with an endocrinologist. All these measures are put in place as patient protection to ensure you receive informed care, but it seems like in your case you have not yet met anyone in Saguenay who can help you. It usually is very helpful to have a therapist or psychiatrist who follows you during transition to assist you through any struggles and also to help manage any other mental health issues. If you can find someone you feel respected by, and who has some awareness of your issues it could be very supportive. I hope this information helps. Good luck in your search.
Nicole Marek
(Attached file: http://www.mediafire.com/?2obzjnl46i1o7fs (http://www.mediafire.com/?2obzjnl46i1o7fs) )
Since there are no endocrinologists in the area, I suppose I should just hope my GP understands. I've printed the 44-page document and I'll bring it.