In view of and otherwise, of the new subforum.......
A celebration or damnation!
I think we should have a drift.
Ready, set, what?
no, wait. I'm still doing my eye makeup.
Yes, hold on a minute or ten, I have to tinkle
We need a topic to drift from, how can we drift from nothingness.
I was thinking of notorious Dangdut singer Dewi Perssik's reconstructive hymen surgery following her recent pilgrimage to Mecca but perhaps it is not the best of starting points?
http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2011/06/04/singer-dewi-perssik-has-hymen-surgery.html (http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2011/06/04/singer-dewi-perssik-has-hymen-surgery.html)
Easy for me to drift from something that makes me slightly uncomfortable, or that I don't much want to talk about...(no disrespect to you intended personally mimpi)
So let's see...my nails are covered in unicorns (not literally) and my stomach is filled with fruitcake!! (also...not literally. bleck.)
Speaking about notorious, I'm watching old space monster movies from the fifties tonite. (I have such an exciting life). Netflix streaming. the selection is that good (not). Oh well, gonna be selling stuff in the garage sale here this weekend. Now I know you're all jealous, but hey! After enough years you really find out what is important and what's not :icon_weirdface:. Just slap me a few times so I know I'm still alive,...OK?
Ativan
Quote from: @ivan on September 22, 2011, 10:10:08 PM
Speaking about notorious, I'm watching old space monster movies from the fifties tonite. (I have such an exciting life). Netflix streaming. the selection is that good (not). Oh well, gonna be selling stuff in the garage sale here this weekend. Now I know you're all jealous, but hey! After enough years you really find out what is important and what's not :icon_weirdface:. Just slap me a few times so I know I'm still alive,...OK?
Ativan
After all the adventures I have had in my life, I have come to realize what is important and what is not.
important: old black and white movies and unicorns.
not important: everything else.
Also, did you know that robots are made out of dead dinosaurs ?
Quote from: ZaidaZadkiel on September 22, 2011, 10:33:35 PM
Also, did you know that robots are made out of dead dinosaurs ?
If robots are going to stage the apocalypse, they better hurry up, 12/21/2012 is coming up fast.
Monkeys are born, not made... Just like everyone else
Adrift on a sea of chilled molasses.
Yes, exactly, which brings up another question... If an octopus is having sexually explicit dreams involving a Caterpillar while at the same time a Caterpillar is having sexually explicit dreams about an octopus, could that be considered an interaction? What if a carousel horse got involved? What kind of threesome would that be considered?
Quote from: heatherrose on September 23, 2011, 12:44:30 AM
A Ménagerie trois
Oooooo like it.
Of course a relationship between egg whites, castor sugar and icing sugar is a meringue a trois.
And if it took place in Borneo it could be a meringue-outang.
Why would anyone put a moles ass on a pancake
Or an ass's mole.
Quote from: Padma on September 23, 2011, 02:51:20 AM
And if it took place in Borneo it could be a meringue-outang.
Semeringue-outang grammatically speaking.
Which had me wondering why no one here has chosen "Waria Prince/Princess" as a username.
It isn't over 'til it's pavlova. And it just occurs to me: would a very small pavlova, made with just one egg, be a pavlovum?
The cooking method is IVP?
Just sprinkle a few seeds on top as a garnish...
Bite your toe nails
It's all just Semantics, and I don't want to be accused of being anti-Semantic.
Besides I just had a great lamb kebab from Steve's Kebab Shop, and forgot that if the chilli doesn't get you, the garlic sauce will.
My workplace has just become a dumping ground for paranoid BS. One of the companies we license stuff from has had their code leaked online by someone else, and now suddenly we have to remove all references to them in our code and interfaces and switch to a file format that their products can't read, even though it's still using their stuff under the hood. 5 weeks of work that will only confuse our customers, and they want to roll it our next week.
And so I want a taco.
I had a positively delicious taco the other day.
I just had six eggs (from our chickens) fried in butter and curry, salt and pepper, with two slices of cinnamin toast.
Being the Fusion King/Queen/Knave, I had thai red curry over wheat-free pasta ;D.
Anyone here been hit by that falling satellite?
Why do media depict radioactive things as glowing green, when Cerenkov radiation is a really pretty blue?
I am a satellite, orbiting sleep - I long for re-entry, and it's making me blue - but the press photos show me as smaragdine...
I dreamt I was being felt up and woke up feeling rather hot, bothered and flustered :P
I ate some dead cow.
it was really nice.
I usually dream with dead things and blood and guts.
I also talk too much about myself.
She got eyes like crystal waters
She got lips like cherry wine
A body like fine brandy
But, a soul like turpentine
Oh Mama, you treat your Daddy so damn mean
When I ask for water
she brings me gasoline.
Satellite of Love and subatomic particles of nippiness.
Sputniks never crashed, they were properly made unlike this capitalist running dog junk.
Those were the days, first woman in space Cosmonaut Major General Valentina Tereshkova, Hero of the Soviet Union.
Was that back in the days when 1/3 of the cosmonauts died from equipment malfunction?
Feeling bothered by the timing not working out to color my grey hairs and needing a shower, I'm turning the radio on and heading off to the bathroom on a mission :laugh:
:icon_blahblah: Yah, Yah, Yah.....
...that's all good, very uh :eusa_eh: interesting
but what of the great questions :eusa_think: of significant social and political import.
:icon_crazy: Questions such as.....
..."did you feed the cats and dog like I told you?"
From hence forth, well into perpetuity, I shall be refered to as
Heather "Faster Than The Speed of Light {In your face Albert}" Smith
Quote from: @ivan on September 23, 2011, 08:59:43 PM..."did you feed the cats and dog like I told you?"
:icon_blink: I thought you said, "Feed the cats to the dog."
Not until you feed the fish to the birds and the birds to the cats... Ugh, you can't get good help these days
I'm not going to eat the dog.
My impromtu showing of some of my pictures went well. A couple new friends, a start to a possible connection, and 40 bucks. 2 more days...
Why does the TV play up when there is both an NRL Finals series match and a Rugby World Cup match on TV tonight? Has the AFL put cameras in all our TV's so they can tell whether we are watching rival codes?
Answers on the back of a Collingwood football jersey please.
It was me Carn the Crows
You are probably a Broncos supporter too!
Actually I can't drift in my car as it is front wheel drive. >:( But I guess my new bike should be able to do something with 160 hp and 400lb wet weight!! ;D
Karen, the rev head >:-)
I'm going to see the Lion King in 3-D tonight. I realize its a kids movie, but I dont care. Timon Pumba are awesome.
Awesome. The ciiiircle of life. :)
Quote from: Caseyy on September 24, 2011, 03:04:06 PM
Awesome. The ciiiircle of life. :)
My life is more like a trapezoid than a circle.
My life is more a net, or as Johnson so clearly defined, Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections.
Nobody's bigger than a net.
And nobody's smaller than a net?
I used to go out with a girl named Annette. Not for long, she was one.
I used to go out with Annette and
I would usually come back with Afish.
Was that Annette Prophet? She was lovely - I always got at least as much as I gave.
I went out with a fish and got scales
I went to a seafood disco last night, and I pulled a mussel.
Not surprised :laugh: you know most mussels are female, you tell the sex by checking their lips >:-)
You sound like you are trying to come the raw prawn Cindy!
How come I was never allergic to dogs when I lived with them, but now that I'm out of my parents' house, they make me all sniffly? The dogs, not the parents.
I'm the same with cats - itchy eyes - takes me around 4 days staying with cats to restore my immunity, and then I'm fine. If course, I'm never around cats for long enough to do that, dammit. But I put up with it, because they're good company :).
parents of any type make me sniffly.
am I allergic ?
Possibly. Try washing them, could be the dust.
collected dust over the years ?
Do you think a sandblasting would help with it?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mustbeart.com%2Fweblog%2Fhouse%2Fsandblast.jpg&hash=2076a2d59f015a010a4a7bbfce5146e166273fee)
Did you know that "sandblasting" actually uses no sand? Using actual sand for media is very unhealthy for the sandblaster operator.
Did you know there's no actual corn in a corn plaster?
Did you know there is no chicken in a chicken nugget.
Quote from: ZaidaZadkiel on September 26, 2011, 01:02:12 PM
collected dust over the years ?
Do you think a sandblasting would help with it?
Definitely. Call it 'dermabrasion' and they'll think you are giving them a makeover out of the kindness of your heart.
Hello, That is a beautiful top, I like it.
Oh thank-you. Hey, I've seen you around town
and I have been wondering, "Are you a ->-bleeped-<-?"
:icon_blink:
Ha Ha Ha.... Wow imagine that,
I was wondering the same exact thing about you!
:icon_boxing:
Could chickens be trained to use sand blasters? You could pay them with corn.
I'd rather have a Tasmanian Devil. Apparently they taste like venison.
Could be a niche product in the "bush tucker" area. Right alongside "Lizard on a Stick!"
Quote from: justmeinoz on September 27, 2011, 12:17:02 AM
I'd rather have a Tasmanian Devil. Apparently they taste like venison.
Could be a niche product in the "bush tucker" area. Right alongside "Lizard on a Stick!"
"lizard on a stick" is not lizard too, right ?
I'm quite partial to Wizard on a Stick, myself.
I like fairy floss, but they keep complaining when their wings get wedged between my teeth
So that's how they make it!
Jeesh... not about anything but, Jeesh...
Quote from: @ivan on September 29, 2011, 12:42:23 PMJeesh...
I see your "Jeesh" and raise you a "Holy Sheep Dip"
I see your Holy Sheep Dip and raise you a Carnac The Magnificent
CARNAC - SIS BOOM BAH (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlLmS54qn-I#)
Which was the better swimmer, the Spanish Armadillo or the Papal Bull?
As ever the ->-bleeped-<- floated.
Surely 'Gorgeous George' would have been on hand to flush it?
Still just 'Jeesh...'
A shiny one.
Ativan
"This audience would lob a grenade at Bambi's mom."
"May a toothless yak, gum your grandmother's Wheat Thins"
"May your only son be caught in a gay swine stampede"
"All they could do was blow and go NORK"
"One would sneeze and the other's eyes would get real big."
Carol Burnett Show outtakes - Tim Conway's Elephant Story (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY&feature=related#)
Read this today.
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot
And Androgyn's roam freely...
How would a hand set foot anyway? Whether or not the forest was a virgin.
Is this Virgin Forest like the phone and airline Virgin?
or one thatis truly virgen and how would that work...anyways??
The first question should be, how do you know that the forest is a virgin?
Doesn't Virgin games make video games? Do trees make good programmers?
my point. How would you know? Just trust that it is? Has there ever truly been one? And what about that tree falling in the forest thing? If nobody's there, would it then be a virgin?
How can it be virgin with all those randy trees?
Just cos they got wood, don't make them randy.
You wood say that woodn't you!
This thread is lumbering along.
:icon_chainsaw:
Quote from: foosnark on October 03, 2011, 02:06:00 PM
This thread is lumbering along.
But it seems quite popular.
No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low. That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right. That is I think it's not too bad - John Lennon
That could explain why Gunn's Forestry shares have dropped to 13.5 cents, and the Tasmanian Forest Agreement is causing controversy here! The pollies can't see the wood for the votes, and the taxpayers dollars!! >:-)
But the hand of reason is a foot in a sock
Quite possibly, personally I can never see the wood for the trees.
Quote from: Cindy James on October 04, 2011, 05:38:36 AM
But the hand of reason is a foot in a sock
That's no foot...
You can use wood soap and baking soda to remove dirty sock smell from wood.
I came, I saw, I conquered...
...now I go beddy bye.
Wearing a sock to keep the wood dry
Shiver me timbers...
This guy in front of me in line has a hat that says VIETNAM VET in about 15 places in 4 different typefaces. And he's stuck a couple pins to it thatalso say it.
Tragic... he lost his sense of style in the war.
He's proud of patching up them Vietnamese cats and dogs.
remotely funny but, just. Naahhh, just kidding...not funny at all.
My dad has a great Vietnam story. He went to America just after the end of the Falkland conflict and was in a bar drinking where he'd got chatting and laughing with this group of people. After playfully ribbing each other about this and that, the Americans started telling jokes about the Falklands, about why the British cared about them at all and what it was fighting for in the first place. My dad (always a keen Maggie Thatcher supporter anyway) then pointed out that at least we won our pointless wars - the happy atmosphere was gone then, and Dad has to scarper sharpish.
Now i've got that scene from "Rush Hour" playing in my mind, with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker dancing around and taking that pistol from each other LOL....
"War, huh yeah
What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, oh hoh, oh
War huh yeah
What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again y'all
War, huh good God What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, listen to me"
War! Huh! What is it good for?
Securing territory and resources and stimulating moribund economies.
and slaying unwanted groups of people, destroying all a person or country has built up, controlling groups of people that don't want you around. etc.
All that stuff. :embarrassed:
Why are bananas bent? I also hate their queer taste.
Cindy
When Joh was Premier Queensland's bananas were all straight, and don't you worry about that!
With a a name like Queensland, how could it ever be straight?
He never did like to talk about the relative who was one of Tasmania's most highly regarded poets. And a Lesbian. Funny about that.
Does the tasmanian devil really come from tasmania?
yes
Why is it V-shaped and spin around, blathering like that?
Why not?
Well, I guess it does come in handy for splitting trees
and tunneling through solid rock.
Actually it's more like a fat possum with a really bad temper and apalling table manners. And reputedly tastes like venison. >:-)
Aren't they exstinct or nearly?
The thylacine or Tasmanian Tiger went extinct about 75 years ago, but the Devil is still with us.
They are however suffering badly from a contagious facial cancer which is spread by direct transmission of live cancer cells when they fight during feeding. There is research being done, and several isolated uninfected populations have been established around the state.
I hope they can be saved , as if their numbers become great enough they will no longer be protected, and I can see if they really do taste like venison! :laugh:
Does anyone else live in a country where the national symbol, like the kangaroo, is eaten?
Karen.
I spose our national animals are the lion and the unicorn, neither of which we eat.
We eat emu as well so eat both of out national animal emblems. Damn tasty too.
Cindy
Dead right, and no cholesterol either. :)
How are you doll.
Open communication being the Australian way :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Hugs I really enjoyed Thursday.
Hugs Sis
Cindy
Thanks, it was great. Only down side to the trip was getting up early to catch a 6 am flight, whichich was cancelled due to fog in Melbourne and having to go via Sydney. I got home after 12 midday. Should have caught the later flight after all. >:(
On that topic, what exactly is Sydney for apart from raining every time I go there?
Kaz.
The national animal, the platypus, is a delicacy in my sovereign nation, Heathervania.
Quote from: justmeinoz on October 10, 2011, 03:24:07 AM
Thanks, it was great. Only down side to the trip was getting up early to catch a 6 am flight, whichich was cancelled due to fog in Melbourne and having to go via Sydney. I got home after 12 midday. Should have caught the later flight after all. >:(
On that topic, what exactly is Sydney for apart from raining every time I go there?
Kaz.
To keep people who know no better out of Adelaide :laugh:
Cindy
So I told this guy,"...
...."If you ever want to see your iguana alive, in one piece again, you'll....."
"let me shoot back from the D!"
"And then..." (what happened?)
That was when the monkey
... whipped out a...
(I like this game.)
... banna.
It was a large and yellow bannana. The monkey had held to it for dear life, as it represented all the monkey's desires and hopes for the future.
Looking down at the bannana held in its hand, ...
...he contemplated the words of his Zen master, Jojo:
"Monkey see, Monkey do. Monkey hear, monkey...
..."Monkey thinks and hears more, monkey becomes fearless. Monkey stands, for he has become King of all he can see."...
..."within the painstakenly replicated "Natural" habitat"...
Looks like Monkey has lost his headband that keeps his thoughts from flying all over the place, again...
Tripitaka will not be pleased.
Quote from: heatherrose on October 15, 2011, 12:15:20 AM
..."within the painstakenly replicated "Natural" habitat"...
..."of the Mall of America. Monkey walks, Monkey shops"...
"groceries, like a big and better banana."
new and bigger hopes and desires, and even more possibilities in the monkey's future
and porn. Lots of porn.
..."adding nuance to flinging poo"...
"...Monkey learns to 'Give the Finger'."...
.."Monkey goes home"...
Peter Gabriel - Shock The Monkey (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfNtZjfy2UA#)
Tired monkey sleeepss...
Thanks VM,
Your link lead me to a veritable Peter Gabriel-palooza
:icon_joy: :icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_headfones: :icon_geekdance: :icon_rockon: :icon_tenisclap: :icon_walk: :icon_yes:
http://www.youtube.com/artist?a=GxdCwVVULXdiDpzHW6GtZKLar9vg_uWI (http://www.youtube.com/artist?a=GxdCwVVULXdiDpzHW6GtZKLar9vg_uWI)
Quote from: heatherrose on October 18, 2011, 10:04:13 PM
Thanks VM,Your link lead me to a veritable Peter Gabriel-palooza
:icon_joy: :icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_headfones: :icon_geekdance: :icon_rockon: :icon_tenisclap: :icon_walk: :icon_yes:
http://www.youtube.com/artist?a=GxdCwVVULXdiDpzHW6GtZKLar9vg_uWI (http://www.youtube.com/artist?a=GxdCwVVULXdiDpzHW6GtZKLar9vg_uWI)
Glad you enjoyed it :)
Monkeys and Peter Gabriel drifting through a mall?
Mall of America... How amazing.
Why did they close the Spencers?
Monkeys and Sledgehammer. What a mess crushed bananas
Did you know that in French the words for monkey and ape are the same. That makes "Planet of the Apes" very existential. "We are not monkeys! We are monkeys!" They should have filmed it in black and white with Jean-Paul Belmondo in the lead roll smoking a Gaulloise!
Now I think I need to put together a rock band called the Smokin' Apes
Apes in the apiary. Uh... tropes in the topiary? Jim's in the gymnasium, ad nauseum.
Quote from: V M on October 19, 2011, 05:29:25 AM
Now I think I need to put together a rock band called the Smokin' Apes
What do they smoke?
Quote from: riven1 on October 19, 2011, 04:19:14 PM
What do they smoke?
Considering their strength and size, I would imagine it's anything they want to smoke.
...get thee to an apiary.
Mmmmm..............Honeyyyyyyyyy :)
Bee Poo?
Plant poo?
Bee Puke...mmmm.....honeycomb, to eat the honey and chew on the beeswax comb to get it. *growing up memories*
Quote from: @ivan on October 20, 2011, 03:57:43 PM
honeycomb
Honeycomb is a breakfast cereal that has been made since 1965 by Post Cereals.
Quote from: riven1 on October 20, 2011, 04:38:47 PM
Honeycomb is a breakfast cereal that has been made since 1965 by Post Cereals.
I was addicted to that stuff as a kid :D
Tried to take a nap... every time I'd just start to drift off I'd snore and wake myself up. Rinse repeat too many times to count. *sigh*
Baritone? The snores...I've had that happen once, never happened again.
I mean I snore like a Cummins Diesel engine idling, but it doesn't wake me up.
Quote from: @ivan on October 20, 2011, 08:00:57 PM...I snore like a Cummins Diesel engine idling...
NTC 250, 290, 335, Big Cam 350, 400, Twin Turbo 475,
L10, M11, KT 450, KTA 525, KTA 600, ISX 450, 525 or the 600?
i dont know if i snore.
I usually wake up in the middle of a dream when i dont know what to make up.
Today I woke up when my brain crashed when it couldn't make up the name of a business i had in my dream.
I was reading a book and then i was like, looking at the side to see the title, which was supposedly about my company, and I remember a distinct "I cannot make this ->-bleeped-<- up" and i woke up.
Quote from: heatherrose on October 21, 2011, 12:34:37 AM
NTC 250, 290, 335, Big Cam 350, 400, Twin Turbo 475,
L10, M11, KT 450, KTA 525, KTA 600, ISX 450, 525 or the 600?
Yepp...
The best thing about living alone? No-one can complain when you eat all the Camembert Cheese! >:-)
For me, living alone is a lot of contemplation of your self and what you are going to do.
I lose myself a lot at that point.
Ativan
When you live alone you don't have to apologise for farting
Living alone becomes very dellusional, somewhat paranoid, but mostly suicidal.
I need to know there is someone in the house with me. odd. I spend much of my time alone in my room.
but I also have the many people of Susan's here, too.
But, the damn shadows of death never leave.
always taunting me, gesturing my death.
I see them when I go walking.
They move along in the damndest of places, patiently waiting.
Some come close and put an arm around me and whisper in my ear.
"Today is not your day".
Quote from: Cindy James on October 23, 2011, 12:00:10 AM
When you live alone you don't have to apologise for farting
or drinking milk out of the jug.
Living alone is both liberating, and confining. How strange. I prefer it to living with others.
Quote from: @ivan"Today is not your day".
I
have been where you are. I spent a few decades sitting behind the wheel, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.
Towards the end of my driving career, inside my own head was a very scary place to be.
I came off the road and fell into a deep depression that I streched out for two years.
I went to see my osteopathic doctor. At the end of the appointment, she handed me a folded piece of paper and said
she hoped that I would consider her a friend and that was her phone number. She told me to call if I needed to talk.
When I unfolded the note, along with her number she had written, "Snap out of it."
It was truely a moment of epiphany for me. I was the one who had allowed myself to sink to the depths at which I had found myself.
I was the only one who was going to be able to make me climb out of the pit.
I hope this has the same effect on you as it did on me...
@ivan,
Snap out of it.
I spent Thanksgiving weekend in the Psyche Ward again for overdosing.
I took lethal doses of a drug cocktail for four nights.
I kept waking up.
On Friday morning, along with the effects of the previous nites overdose, I just took everything I had that in high enough doses will kill you.
I got caught, but before the effects of that mornings hadn't really kicked in.
I was taken to the hospital and after a couple hrs in the ER, everything must have started to kick harder than I could kick back.
I admitted to how much I took.
I woke up in ICU.
It was Monday before they let me go.
Now two weeks ago I had to go back for mania.
I went home after my emergency carry along drugs kicked in.
I have it under control, but they are keeping a close eye on where and what I do.
Snappy 'nough?
To much?
Ativan
Sorry Honey,
We wish you wouldn't do that, there are surely people who love you!
Joe Bonamassa - Sloe gin @ Royal Albert Hall (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46UFXQVSnKs#)
Joe Bonamassa at Albert Royal Hall, 'Sloe Gin'
Sloe gin, sloe gin... Tryin' to wash away the pain inside.
Well, I'm sick and I'm all done in.
And I'm standin' in the rain and I feel like I'm gonna cry.
I'm so damn lonely and I ain't even high.
I'm so damn lonely and I feel like I wanna die.
Mayday, Mayday,.. I've been shot down over stormy sea.
Well, I feel like I'm driftin' away, can't seem to get a grip on me, now I can't even try.
I'm so damn lonely and ain't even high.
I hate to go home alone, but what else is new?
I'm so damn lonely, I hate to go home alone.
But what else is new, I'm so damn lonely.
You stand there bleedin',.. people pass me by.
They tell me, "No matter if you live, no matter if you die".
Sloe gin, sloe gin... Tryin' to wash away the pain inside.
Well, I'm sick and I'm all done in.
I'm standin' in the rain and I feel like I'm gonna die.
I'm so damn lonely and ain't even high.
I'm so damn lonely.
Sloe gin, honey,
Baby, come and get the best of me...
Quote from: Ativan on January 25, 2012, 07:07:15 PMI just took everything I had that in high enough doses will kill you.
Snappy 'nough?
Sweety, what made you feel that you had to do that?
:icon_cry:
There isn't a clean answer for it. Psychologists and my Therapists (who I see at least once a week) have been trying to figure out, or map out, the chain of events that bring me to the point of losing my grip to stay alive. I will suddenly go into massive depressions that instead of just not wanting to do anything, I will actively seek out and do things to destroy myself. Hence, getting banned for 3 months from here. I acted with intention, the admin had no other choice.
The main thing that everyone seems to agree on, is that I am absolutely not afraid to die. I have a past that is not open for discussion, not even to those closest to me. Never has, never will. I have managed to forget a lot, a forced ECT altered the amount of memories I have, although they are coming back. I was never afraid to complete what I set out to do, despite the amount of evilness involved.
The point of it is, I am that person who doesn't have a right to be alive, and I know it. I maintain a very loose grip on life. I do it in defiance of all that I have, which is nothing but memories. Those can consist of that same defiance that kept me alive in the past. I have seen myself,looking at my body, telling me to get up. More than once. I have heard the sound of monitors on me flatline. I have come back in defiance.
Yet that same defiance works against me at times, to often, to die. There isn't a reason, there isn't a clue as to why that happens, the only thing that has any kind of common thread is only now becoming apparent. There seems to be a level of PTSD that I am only slightly aware of. I am learning to be more aware and define it. Maybe then therapy might work. All the methods available have failed. I am a curiosity to mental health. I am undefined. NOS.
One of the weird results of taking Spiro, is the level of never ending anger has been lowered to a point where I can see past it, at times. Actually it was something I had hoped it would do and it has done that. Going on a year now. But, I still am not afraid of dying. But, I am more likely to be the person who pushes you out of the way of harm, only to end up dying myself. Another form of defiance, I suppose a good one.
This is to long and to much to think about. The bottom line unfortunately, is that I don't know and neither do Psychologists, nor all the rest of the people in place to care for me, know how to even come close to stopping me. Weird. When it happens I am not really aware enough to engage those people. I do it with intent. What ever small part of me that understands, will try to keep me alive, I suppose. It is small, yet strong. I would very much like to get to know it better. It just could be the answer. It is a part of my defiance, which is very strong and won't in a sense allow that door to open.
In all other ways of life as a non-Binary, which is separate from all that for the most part, is quite ordinary. It is as most peoples lives are. With the exception of my network of people that watch and look for signs of change. I live a life of forced retirement, but, that has lots of opportunity in itself.
On an edge, always,
Ativan
*hugs for Ativan* You've got just as much right to be here as any of us do.
Not to be presumptuous, but do you have any experience with a DBT therapist? I certainly haven't experienced anything as intense as you, but I've found it has helped almost completely eliminate the need to hurt myself when ->-bleeped-<- goes south. And I know from what I've read and heard that it can and has helped people who are very suicidal.
Quote from: Caseyyy on January 28, 2012, 01:17:29 PM
any experience with a DBT therapist?
It's been talked about, referral's discussed. The reality is that it is the type of program/method that has little to no effect. Sometimes they last a while, then become ineffective. But, it is still discussed at times. The best thing so far seems to be my current therapist. I like her, she can dig her heels right in when it's necessary. She's tough, and that's hard to find in a therapist. I scare her sometimes, but, she knows I would never harm her. Emotionally, maybe not so true, but never physically. That's also hard to find in a therapist...
I talk about this, the months I was gone/banned, I have changed. It's been intense. But let me be very clear about this. It may read like I am asking for something emotionally from others. I'm not. I may have been at times without me realizing it, who knows... But I don't actively go out of my way to seek it. I wouldn't know what to do with it if I got it. I just don't. I don't know how. Never have. Cold.
What you read is just me trying my best to be sociable to people I have something very much in common with, that I want to know more about. From the source. Which is you all. I try to return the same. I have a FB page that I am actively returning the same by passing along post's that I think may help the next generations.
I have a personal investment in that. It helps me to try to care, it's in there somewhere in me, so I'm told.
I'm getting old, much older than most of you here. You are the future that I was invested into.
I may even care, I wish I knew. I'm told that I do.
Ativan
My friend, I will always pray for you and those who love you.
Thank You...all of you.
This topic should now go back to what it was started for, along with the one that Cyndi started for us, because it is what we do best.
We drift in a defiance to normality that is expected of us. We use humor as a logical answer to the questions asked.
How cool is that? Freakin' world of the others...we are here and will do things the way we want to. Not to others expectations.
Drift On!
Ativan