transitioning is hard. you can lose everything. and i am asking myself is it worth it?
i am scared to lose my family and friends. i am scared that i will be a figure of fun.
are you happy that you did it?
Honey,
There is a point that you need to be you. Without being yukky whose life is more important? yours or their conception of you?
Someday you need to live your life.
Last time I checked you get one go.
Live it.
Cindy
You have to figure out what is harder, transition or living in the closet for the rest of your life.
I have lost family and friends, it wasn't so hard as living in the closet.
Family came back after some time and I've found new friends who take me the way I am.
I found out when friends leave you just because you're a T, they are not real friends, so you lost nothing.
Annette
Am I happy I did it? Absolutely, no question.. Annette and Cindy both have it right though.. There comes a point where you have to decide: Am I going to live for me? Or everyone else? And as far as loosing family and friends, I think I may have just lost a bunch of old friends, and tbh, I'm feeling a little philosophical about it.. If they can't accept me for who I am, they are rather narrow-minded rigid individuals that I'm better off without..
And here's a quote I find useful in this situation, it's both funny and serious: "Those who matter won't mind; those who mind don't matter." - Dr Suess
Am I happy? Yep. No more living a lie.
Would I do it again? In a second, and with less hesitation than before.
It is a question I have asked myself multiple times.
When thinking of this I imagine a scale on which I put all the positive and the negative sides of transition on. Negative sides such as all the possible social, medical and professional consequences. Then it is good to know that most of these consequences are "what if" scenario's. What if friends leave me, what if I can't find a decent job because of this, what if I my body doens't react well to hrt and I remain looking like a male?
Right now I am unhappy being male and I know that this will only get worse over time as it did in the past. In my opinion it is better to take a shot at happiness than to stay in this depression another 5, maybe 15 years and then find out that transition is the only road.
Although medically nothing has changed yet (darn long waiting lists at the clinic) people notice a change in my expression, they say I am more cheerful, more expressive than the years prior. It is little remarks like these that give me strength to keep going.
i know what i want.
but i am scared! the pain, the costs, the fear to lose everything.
and i am so scared that i won't pass and will never live a "normal" life.
how are the effects of hormones, when you start at 23?
Living is worth it.
Quote from: lucaluca on September 25, 2011, 11:34:12 AM
i know what i want.
but i am scared! the pain, the costs, the fear to lose everything.
and i am so scared that i won't pass and will never live a "normal" life.
how are the effects of hormones, when you start at 23?
23? Your still a baby.. Imagine being 35 and looking down the barrel at transition.. But then again, beauty isn't my aim - being myself is..
If you're only 23 chances of your having huge results from hormone use is great. Just look at some of the before and after pics of those of us who are advanced in age before we started. Your results should be even more dramatic. Fear will keep you in bondage to an enemy you can't fight. Face your fears and decide if you can live as you want. The alternative is to live as someone else expects you to live and if you choose this way you will probably never be truly happy. What you repress will surely come back to visit you again.
Brandi
Quote from: lucaluca on September 25, 2011, 11:34:12 AM
i know what i want.
but i am scared! the pain, the costs, the fear to lose everything.
and i am so scared that i won't pass and will never live a "normal" life.
how are the effects of hormones, when you start at 23?
With 23 you will still be fine. According to research done by the national gender clinic the results you get from hrt are generally very good in the early 20's. They rapidly decrease from about 25 to 30 and then steadily continue to decline in a slow rate. So take your chance while you are still young. I will probably be 27 when I can start hrt which is worrying me sick.
Still one needs to keep in mind that all results vary from person to person. I know people who never went through their biological puberty and ended up looking male and I know people who started in their late 30's and ended up looking gorgeous.
Live how you need to live: "Try to make ends meet, try to make some money, then you die..." We're all a moment away from never waking up. Love yourself by any means possible.
Quote from: EmmaM
then you die..." We're all a moment away from never waking up.
/quote]
And that's the optimistic view of life.
Emma, you made my day by saying we're all just a breathtake from death.
Now I can go to sleep quitely (lol)
i am going to a therapist on next tuesday and i am so excited :D
i know what i want. i always knew it. but i was/am so scared. all the time i thought, that the feeling would go away, but even on my good days (when i thought i could live like this by ignoring the feeling) i knew that there was something wrong.
I havn't started therapy or HRT yet so I don't know how relevant my view will be.
This journey is a rollercoaster but I dont regret telling people, i've lost a couple of friends but if they can't accept what i'm going through then they've never been true friends so bye bye & don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I've had moments of desperate depression due to losing my dog through this & now i'm moving into a shared house next week where I have to keep my ->-bleeped-<- hidden but throughout all of this I only have to think about the fact that i've finally taken the first step & I feel sooo happy.
It's early days for me but this is definately worth it
I haven't started anything but it will be worth it for me.
Living a happy life is definitely worth it. Just existing wasn't.
All the things we risk losing can be replaced in some form, except our life.
Karen.
Quote from: lucaluca on September 25, 2011, 05:14:46 AM
transitioning is hard. you can lose everything. and i am asking myself is it worth it?
i am scared to lose my family and friends. i am scared that i will be a figure of fun.
are you happy that you did it?
I had to try and transition. It's just unfortunate that HRT doesn't work on everyone and I'm one of those people it didn't work well for. I gave it my best shot for well over 10 years and I'm not about to give up just yet. I agree it is difficult if HRT doesn't work on you and you may need go through various operations to try and achieve an except-able female presentation that HRT cannot provide. It is tough and costly to get it right. I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to transition if they could live without it.
Am I happy I did it? It's still ongoing but I was in a very depressive state before I started transition.
i thought there is only the age that has an effects the hrt. so there are people, no matter which age, who doesn't get a good benefit out of hrt?
could i live without transition? i guess i could, but i really want to. i think i will be unhappy if i don't try at least. but i don't know what is more worse... to live like i do now, or as a transsexual :-\
This is a question that will have a different answer for many people. Many of the folks here at Susan's have decided to do so and I can certainly respect their decisions, but there are many of us who have decided not to-- and that's fine as well. You're considering a huge change in your life and, well, it's your life and yours alone. Since everyone is different and has a different life situation it's wise to consider customizing your life course rather than taking an off-the-shelf either/or approach.
Don't be afraid of being scared. It's a very natural reaction to something you are not fully acquainted to. If used correctly (being scared) should elicit all aspects of the issue, to a point where you can make a fully informed and mature decision. At 23 you are old enough to make that decision. The last thing you need to do is either procrastinate and do nothing or live in denial. Both rob you of a perfect lifetime.
I wish you well at the therapist. Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine
And P.S. YES!!!! It's really worth it. Every single bit of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's an awesome journey
Even though I have yet to even start counseling (which I FINALLY worked up the courage to schedule yesterday!) at this point I think that it is really the only path that was ever meant for me. Yes, I'm also terrified of the costs, the possible losses, and everything else any sensible person would be before starting down such a life changing path.
BUT- I know what I want, and I know what I need to do for me to finally live a happy life. And it sounds like you have too. Just know that you will always have support here through the entire process. And if you can, find someone in your everyday life who you know will support you as well. I finally for the first time spilled my heart out to a friend and it was the most comforting and helpful thing I've ever done for myself aside from making the decision to finally move ahead.
I'm just about to turn 21 so I am seriously hoping that I take well to HRT.
At the end of the day you need to ask if you really want to live for yourself, or for the favorable opinion of others? I've lost myself so much over my life so far because of always bending back to the whims of what others think I should be as a person.
I wish you the best regardless of the path you eventually choose!
Quote from: lucaluca on September 25, 2011, 05:14:46 AM
transitioning is hard. you can lose everything. and i am asking myself is it worth it?
i am scared to lose my family and friends. i am scared that i will be a figure of fun.
are you happy that you did it?
I was 23 when I first wanted to transition...I didn't. I'm older now and to me its no longer a choice, I don't want to continue in the hell I've lived through and possibly taking my own life as much of a choice. What do you think people will make fun of? That's why there is makeup, voice therapy and FFS! :laugh:
I would guess most of us were scared to lose family especially, but it is a possibility we all have to face, I didn't lose mine (I'm not married or have any children), they still love me, but it has happened to others. I've heard 2 different gals comment on what it takes to transition, Courage and the other Patience (also $$$'s :laugh:). I think a combination of both, and you can plan, its better to do so, but plans do have a habit of changing so keep that in mind. And if you have seen some others transition and didn't like what you saw, ask yourself what you would differently. But we each have to transition in the manner that is best for us.
that scares me a lot. i don't want to be transsexual, but the feelings always come back.
maybe i could live my "normal" live, but i am not happy. and i don't want wait 20 more years, just to realize that the feelings never will go back and i regret that i haven't done something about it when i was younger.
Quote from: lucaluca on October 01, 2011, 06:45:08 AM
that scares me a lot. i don't want to be transsexual, but the feelings always come back.
maybe i could live my "normal" live, but i am not happy. and i don't want wait 20 more years, just to realize that the feelings never will go back and i regret that i haven't done something about it when i was younger.
You don't have a 'normal' life, at least not now. It's a mask, a façade and the longer you try and hide behind it, the harder life becomes. The genie is out of the bottle and can't be put back in, do something about it now, lest you end up going down the road many of us do - it leads only to depression, self-destructive behaviour and possible suicide..
I'm sorry if this seems blunt, but I will do all I can to prevent someone ending up where I did before I accepted myself and moved on.. The rollercoaster of drugs, denial and dysphoria is not a ride you want to get on..
Consider this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyrrhic_victory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyrrhic_victory)
Then consider this:
Freedom can only be won, freedom forced is called responsibility. - Toni Morrison
Lots of stuff to turn over.
You only live once, so be as happy and honest with yourself as possible.
That's how I see it.
I though I was in this world for others, at least thats what most of them made me feel, be a good boy............ Robert! Do you love me,....................Robert! be a good father.............. Robert Be a successful at what you do............. Robert
But seldom did I hear Who are you..................? Do you truly love your self.................?
But when I had a taste of my most favorite ice cream ...........I was just plain happy, not for Mother, not for Father but for me.
We are conditioned, not consciously of course by the loved ones, church or society to do as they say because they really mean well. But to tell someone how to be is to undermine their own self, imprisoning their soul in gravity of others own need and view of the world.
BE YOUR SELF, first! then and only then can you expect love to penetrate you soul and spill through you onto the world. Being Gender Disphoric is to know who you are but unable to experience you and interact as you in the world. The only way to truly be is to succumb to truth in your heart. Not an easy task at hand but inevitable step towards happiness. And let me stress here, happiness is not a tangible piece of matter you can hold in your hand but condition comprising of truth and love intertwined together like a vine upon a lattice, both inseparable yet different.
Go for it babe, future is a wonder awaiting your arrival