hey there :)
i am a youngi just reached 4 months hrt today and had me fight with him over who is in of charge of my body lol :) hmmm lets see i have acute split personality disorder which is brought on by heavy emotional break downs i can't explain it but my therapist has helped me zoe become like the main which thankfully my mom is happy about :) hmmm i know hard to believe but hey :) i ain't complaining being a girl feels like me :) lol ! besides last time i was him was 2009 so hrt was granted :) anyways i hope no judges my crazy little life story there :) and i hope to make a few friends here on the way to me being full time a total dress head :D
I have three personalities. All of us are huge fans of irony and occult symbolism. This is why we cannot resist saying...
We are LEGION.
We are many.
:o
No judging going on on these parts of the internet!
Welcome! <3
oh :) are there like any unofficial rules i should know ? :) and :) yay i ain't alone tho my medz just hold him back but it wears me soo much i can't get to practise stuff i need sucks but ! that's life :) and thank you 2 :)
Quote from: Lynn on October 13, 2011, 12:22:09 PM
No judging going on on these parts of the internet!
It is often scary for people with multiple personalities to admit it, as some people don't understand how multiple personalities work.
Really, multiple personalities aren't any more crazy than a person with a single personality. The craziness is just split into more factions, is all.
Hi,Welcome to Susan's this is a great website.There should be a mod coming along soon.Hugs.Rachael.
Quote from: VeryGnawty on October 13, 2011, 12:29:46 PM
It is often scary for people with multiple personalities to admit it, as some people don't understand how multiple personalities work.
Really, multiple personalities aren't any more crazy than a person with a single personality. The craziness is just split into more factions, is all.
It is :) i am like so glad you understand :) i find it hard some days just feeling uncomfortable when i am always upsetting him because we are total opposites which is hard for me :( i am still glad there is someone like me on here :) and oh ! do you also never remember that the other does but ! can talk to them? my therapist says he has never had a case like me which honestly scares me :( but ! i ain't a freak or monster just a person who has a friend inside myself :D but i still never tell anyone in person about my multi persons but i can easily talk about fixing my gender :)
I've got a whole lot of people inside me, that interact with each other. But it's not something that has ever bothered me in life, and I actually like that aspect about me.
It never manifests itself when I don't need it to. Only when I'm alone. It sure helps against loneliness to some degree!
Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on October 13, 2011, 12:41:36 PMi am like so glad you understand :)
It helps that my personalities almost never agree on anything. It makes it much easier for me to understand what you are going through.
Quotei am still glad there is someone like me on here :)
I'm glad you enjoy it. It's not something I've talked about much except through private messages. However, I felt it prudent to make it public since there was another multiple doing the same. I always say that you have to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.
Quoteand oh ! do you also never remember that the other does but ! can talk to them?
We are different than most multiples, in that our personalities were (for the most part) intentional. Our second personality was created via a form of hypnosis. He was created with certain characteristics, and he also took many traits from the original personality when he individualized.
Our third personality was created unintentionally during a bit of mischief from the first. The older personalities enjoy playing tricks on each other. Sometimes, they will take each other's power and use it to control the other's mind, emotions, and body. One day, when both of them wanted to be dominant, they decided to take a third alias that they had used for a long time, and actually give that alias an individuality apart from their own. This new personality really didn't like being a toy to be used by the others, so he quickly wrestled their power away from them and tried to balance everyone's power against each other. This didn't work very well, as the original personalities quickly found loopholes to get around these "checks and balances" so that they could continue their mischief. They have since left "the Recluse" out of their little games, as he is very powerful and they fear his wrath.
We are generally aware of everything unless the dominant removes the submissive's awareness or knowledge. This is rare, as ignorance is not something we are generally interested in. We are usually aware of which personality has control of the mind and emotions, and it is often obvious (but not always) who has control of the body. Very often we integrate into a single personality, or a plural personality which presents as a single individual. When this happens, we have found it easiest to refer to ourselves using the name of whoever's personality characteristics are most present at the time. We can also switch control of the body rapidly, although we have done so very few times. We have discovered that Id has had much trouble controlling the body as it has become more feminine. It would be very dangerous to try to instantly give him control of the body, as he can barely function normally without feeling very clumsy and awkward.
VeryGnawty was thinking about using her control over Id's mind to get him to perceive himself as a woman. We fear that unless Id can learn to control the body, he will develop body dysphoria. Since VeryGnawty doesn't perceive herself as a man, she cannot teach Id how to control a more feminine body as a man. Our third personality might know, but he doesn't seem concerned with anything other than minding his own business. We don't want to disturb him. Ever.
What do you think? Id's gender seems mutable enough, we think it may be the best course of action to get him to perceive himself as female over a period of time. This would be preferable to the current course, which would leave him as becoming the inverse of what VeryGnawty used to be. We believe that if no action is taken, Id will develop dysphoria over having an increasingly female body. We think the dysphoria would be present even if he weren't the one controlling the body.
This situation is unacceptable. Id is struck with terror at the idea of developing dysphoria which is as bad as what VeryGnawty's used to be. Id knows that his gender is more mutable than VeryGnawty's. Making the body more masculine is out of the equation.
Quotebut ! i ain't a freak or monster just a person who has a friend inside myself :D but i still never tell anyone in person about my multi persons but i can easily talk about fixing my gender :)
I generally tell people about neither.
Quotei find it hard some days just feeling uncomfortable when i am always upsetting him because we are total opposites which is hard for me :(
Yeah. I'm trying to convince my guy to become a woman. He's coming around to the idea as he's feeling increasingly awkward in this body. He originally had a lot of resistance to the idea, as he was designed to be male. However, he needs a practical solution to be able to control the body if he ever wants to actually do anything.
I know he can become female, because our minds are very connected and we can often read each other's thoughts. He's just not comfortable with becoming female. The poor guy, I really feel sorry for him. We really had no way of predicting he would have this much trouble controlling the body when we were designing his personality. Even though VeryGnawty always felt awkward in a male body, we assumed that we could avoid the problem with Id in a female body by designing it into Id's personality that he would be skilled at controlling the body. Sadly, this idea seems to be failing miserably, and Id is having trouble controlling the body without perceiving himself as female.
We believe that the recluse may have taken Id's ability to control a feminine body as a man, as the recluse took some traits away from Id and VeryGnawty when the recluse individualized. If this theory is accurate, we find it unlikely that the recluse would give this knowledge back to us. Although we can trade personality traits, the person giving it away will lose it in himself. Since the recluse doesn't want to develop dysphoria nor spend the time to physically teach Id his knowledge, we don't feel there is anything we can offer the recluse in exchange for his knowledge. Id is very sad at the knowledge that his little power games with VeryGnawty may have cost him his ability to continue to be a man. But, that's life, you know? Sometimes you do stuff without understanding the consequences of your actions.
VeryGnawty believes that Id will come to perceive himself as female as the body becomes more feminine. VeryGnawty believes that Id's desire to perceive himself as male is much less than his desire to avoid the dysphoria which he seems unable to escape. Id is very sad that he can't continue to perceive himself as a man. He is crying right now, but not through the body. He is crying "on the inside" which is a very awkward feeling. It sort of feels like he's tickling my brain. But, he is very sad. When one of us has a very powerful emotion, the rest of us often feel it. Even the recluse can feel Id's sorrow now. However, the recluse doesn't let it distract him from his....research. The recluse spends most of his time in meditation. The recluse isn't very interested in us, really. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone, unless he finds some need to take control of the body.
I don't really know what to say about consolidating conflicting personalities. For us, it is very much a trial and error process. I could give you advice. But really, it's not much different than consolidating differences between any regular individuals who disagree. It is all about finding an acceptable compromise. For example, VeryGnawty would develop extreme dsyphoria if she became more masculine again. This is why Id is coming to accept perceiving himself as female. It is unacceptable for any of us to have dysphoria, since we experience each other's emotions. Even if the offending personality limited himself to a small speck in our minds, we would still perceive his dysphoria, and it would still be very disconcerting to all of us.
I'm not sure if this is the expected reaction, but that was very charming and cute to read.
If Id likes hugs, I'll give him one!
Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on October 13, 2011, 11:47:32 AM
hey there :)
i am a youngi just reached 4 months hrt today and had me fight with him over who is in of charge of my body lol :) hmmm lets see i have acute split personality disorder which is brought on by heavy emotional break downs i can't explain it but my therapist has helped me zoe become like the main which thankfully my mom is happy about :) hmmm i know hard to believe but hey :) i ain't complaining being a girl feels like me :) lol ! besides last time i was him was 2009 so hrt was granted :) anyways i hope no judges my crazy little life story there :) and i hope to make a few friends here on the way to me being full time a total dress head :D
Zoe,
Why did you create a new account? You could have kept your same account and posted this. We would have totally understood your feelings.
In any case welcome back to the forums.
lol :) but i don't want to because i have to many smites ! but this is y i am so varyiant lol :) i just a clean slate besides the main purpose i made a new one is half the time i don't control what i say like all 4 of those good byes plus if a person read this on the other account they would just insult me ..
Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on October 13, 2011, 02:30:59 PM
lol :) but i don't want to because i have to many smites ! but this is y i am so varyiant lol :) i just a clean slate besides the main purpose i made a new one is half the time i don't control what i say like all 4 of those good byes plus if a person read this on the other account they would just insult me ..
just to play devil's advocate....what would happen if you got too many smites on this account? Would you create another account? Not trying to sound condescending or mean but I'm just curious.
It seems to me it would be more difficult to create a whole new account and pretending to be someone different than it would be to just deal with the few smites you had. Plus, smites and applause does not necessarily define a person.
But, to each their own.
Quote from: Lynn on October 13, 2011, 02:10:53 PM
I'm not sure if this is the expected reaction, but that was very charming and cute to read.
Thanks. I'm not sure I had any expectations. I just thought it would be informative.
You found it cute? That's so.... cute ;D
QuoteIf Id likes hugs, I'll give him one!
He appreciates it. He really does. He is so sad right now.
Actually, Id didn't like hugs until recently. Although not "macho" he was designed to be very dominant. Touchy-feely was never his thing. However, I've been teaching him to be less masculine, as his masculinity only reinforces his perception of being male which makes it more difficult for him to exist in this body.
I'm trying to come up with a better compromise. I've taken a lot of masculine traits from him, and I'm experimenting with them myself. I'm thinking that maybe I can take some of his masculine traits myself, and leave him with enough that he can perceive himself as a more feminized male. He can experience the rest of his masculinity through me, since we have the ability to share each other's experiences. This works because our personality traits are conglomerated as a whole. We merely perceive ourselves as individuals, is all.
I'm thinking that if I become more masculine but not too much so that I start to feel awkward, that the reduction in Id's masculinity might make it possible for him to control the body with some degree of success. This would buy us time to figure out how to work with Id's masculine elements in a way which won't cause serious physical or emotional problems.
Wow, I just got a serious positive reaction from Id after typing all of that. It almost felt like a mini orgasm, LOL. Id said he would reduce his masculinity and become a girl for me if it would help me study the application of masculinity without causing problems for myself. That's so sweet! He's willing to become a girl to make my life easier.
I'm certain that with enough study, I can learn to teach Id to control a feminine body as a man. It is a matter of adaptation of the mind which Id was designed to have, but which we believe the recluse took away from him. I just need to rediscover the mental pathways that we had mapped out which should allow Id to control a feminine body without awkwardness or dysphoria. It's a pity that I don't remember how long it took us to plan it out the first time, because it will probably take just as long to rediscover it.
I just thought of something. Since we can't really block out each other's experiences which we don't have control of, Id's awkwardness will probably begin affecting me. It will probably be necessary for him to perceive himself as a woman for a period of time. I don't know if I'm going to be able to learn to control the body "as a man" faster than my body is feminizing.
not really because finally after 2 months i finally am at therapy again :) you will notice how bi*** i have been recently to early me and i figures i would reintroduce myself to see how many would figure its me and love you to Annah ;)
ok, fair enough.
Smites are often better than the applause, as the applause is only but an echo, but the smites tell you that you hit pay dirt.
So if people don't like it, so what? Another country heard from. It's good to contemplate criticism and critiques in a cold and rational manner to see if they might have a point, but for the most part you just have to ignore them and move on.
A good example perhaps might be The Grateful Dead. No other rock band ever came close to getting the amount of bad reviews, outright pannings, and casual dismissals as totally and utterly worthless as The Dead did. Matter of fact it's pretty hard to find stuff written by critics and reviewers that is positive. Matter of fact the only thing The Dead has more of than bad reviews is ticket sales to concerts. Despite, or perhaps in some way because of, so many people really hating on them they still managed to sell more tickets to more shows than any other band ever. ...So it goes.
Quote from: VeryGnawty on October 13, 2011, 02:38:41 PM
Thanks. I'm not sure I had any expectations. I just thought it would be informative.
You found it cute? That's so.... cute ;D
He appreciates it. He really does. He is so sad right now.
Actually, Id didn't like hugs until recently. Although not "macho" he was designed to be very dominant. Touchy-feely was never his thing. However, I've been teaching him to be less masculine, as his masculinity only reinforces his perception of being male which makes it more difficult for him to exist in this body.
I'm trying to come up with a better compromise. I've taken a lot of masculine traits from him, and I'm experimenting with them myself. I'm thinking that maybe I can take some of his masculine traits myself, and leave him with enough that he can perceive himself as a more feminized male. He can experience the rest of his masculinity through me, since we have the ability to share each other's experiences. This works because our personality traits are conglomerated as a whole. We merely perceive ourselves as individuals, is all.
I'm thinking that if I become more masculine but not too much so that I start to feel awkward, that the reduction in Id's masculinity might make it possible for him to control the body with some degree of success. This would buy us time to figure out how to work with Id's masculine elements in a way which won't cause serious physical or emotional problems.
Wow, I just got a serious positive reaction from Id after typing all of that. It almost felt like a mini orgasm, LOL. Id said he would reduce his masculinity and become a girl for me if it would help me study the application of masculinity without causing problems for myself. That's so sweet! He's willing to become a girl to make my life easier.
I'm certain that with enough study, I can learn to teach Id to control a feminine body as a man. It is a matter of adaptation of the mind which Id was designed to have, but which we believe the recluse took away from him. I just need to rediscover the mental pathways that we had mapped out which should allow Id to control a feminine body without awkwardness or dysphoria. It's a pity that I don't remember how long it took us to plan it out the first time, because it will probably take just as long to rediscover it.
I just thought of something. Since we can't really block out each other's experiences which we don't have control of, Id's awkwardness will probably begin affecting me. It will probably be necessary for him to perceive himself as a woman for a period of time. I don't know if I'm going to be able to learn to control the body "as a man" faster than my body is feminizing.
omg ! your so similar to me :)
but see i dominated him when i couldn't bare it anymore !
he is like this very macho man doesn't take anything and is the alpha male but ! i made him lose control by forcing my emotions on him :) i know its mean but i don't want him to be a him so i made him cry when he hurt or was hurt by ppl which slowly allowed me to win :) i know weird it sounds but honestly i have no choice because tho he hasn't been dominant since 2009 he is needed i still need him because i can't survive life with out him he is the reason i survive school and everything :)
i think i can also make him a girl but seeming i still need him i won't anytime soon :)
i am really glad you shared i figured i am so extremely rare and weird person seeming i am both a chimera i absorbed my twin sister and then all this. this all makes life so strange to me.
but then again all these things are hard to believe i get that i mean it took about $900 of test to complete break down everything but i admit once i knew there was proof i was glad :)
ok i get very random but ! now you all know everything about me please don't abuse this information:(
oh and this time Annah i should be able to maintain me a bit better with help of my therapist and not have so much of his aggressive influences :)
sorry i keep saying him and his but i would rather not say the male name mwa sorry for all my self pity and thanks for having me back
Quote from: tekla on October 13, 2011, 02:51:24 PM
Smites are often better than the applause, as the applause is only but an echo, but the smites tell you that you hit pay dirt.
So if people don't like it, so what? Another country heard from. It's good to contemplate criticism and critiques in a cold and rational manner to see if they might have a point, but for the most part you just have to ignore them and move on.
A good example perhaps might be The Grateful Dead. No other rock band ever came close to getting the amount of bad reviews, outright pannings, and casual dismissals as totally and utterly worthless as The Dead did. Matter of fact it's pretty hard to find stuff written by critics and reviewers that is positive. Matter of fact the only thing The Dead has more of than bad reviews is ticket sales to concerts. Despite, or perhaps in some way because of, so many people really hating on them they still managed to sell more tickets to more shows than any other band ever. ...So it goes.
in a way after all i smited you because i am really sensitive and you were just a tad to mean for me sorry :)
Hey, welcome "back" Zoey, in your new incarnation - I know I don't need to tell you the rules ;D.
About smites, I just wanted to say: knowing how much you didn't like getting them, and that you started a new you here with a clean slate because of how much you didn't like having them... well, next time you feel like giving one to someone else, remember how it felt to get one, and think twice before giving them one. And if someone does smite you, you can feel morally superior for rising above it and not just retaliating and smiting them back :).
I guess I'll post this here rather than through PM, as there seem to be some people interested in this stuff. I thought it might help Zoe if she knew how I was dealing with my own conflicting desires. So, I guess I'll be talking about my multiple personalities for at least one more post. If Zoe thinks I'm derailing this thread (can you even derail an intro thread?) I can continue further discussions in my blog.
Id thought he could learn to control the body while continuing to be a man, but VeryGnawty decided against it. VeryGnawty doesn't believe Id has what it takes to do that, and it would only cause problems to build up subconsciously. VeryGnawty decided to force Id to begin to perceive himself as a woman. Id was greatly humiliated, but he submitted to VeryGnawty's demands as VeryGnawty is currently the dominant personality.
Id is starting to feel dysphoria. VeryGnawty is helping Id push through the dysphoria. VeryGnawty believes that Id would feel much better if he were bigendered, and that the only thing stopping him is his resistance to the idea of being female. VeryGnawty is certain that Id would be unable to sustain himself as 100% man in a body which is becoming increasingly feminine.
VeryGnawty can feel Id's dysphoria. It is much different than hers used to be. VeryGnawty used to be infuriated by having a male body, but Id feels sad about having to accept an increasingly female body. There are also feelings of uncomfortableness or disgust about particular aspects of the body. VeryGnawty feels very sad, as Id's dysphoria is acting up right now. VeryGnawty knows she needs to push through this if she hopes to solve Id's disconnect between his mind and this body. VeryGnawty thinks that since she has already dealt with severe dysphoria once that she will be better capable at dealing with Id's dysphoria without it affecting her life as much.
VeryGnawty is somewhat proud that she is able to use her own experiences to help Id. He is only a few months old, after all. Id has had very little time to understand who he is. VeryGnawty almost feels like a mother to Id, as Id rarely knows what's best for himself. While he is not a child, Id does seem to need a lot of guidance. VeryGnawty hopes Id doesn't lash out too greatly against his being forced to become female. He still has a lot of resistance to the idea. But, VeryGnawty is certain he would be happier if he could learn to be bigendered. Id's gender traits are much more fluid than we imagined them to be when Id was originally designed.
Id still has this strong desire to remain 100% man, but VeryGnawty believes this is an unhealthy obsession. Although he could probably learn to control the body very well, he still has no plan, method, or mechanism to prevent dysphoria. VeryGnawty won't allow him to ignore the obvious flaws in his theory. VeryGnawty won't allow him to engage in a reckless quest to try to prove his manhood by existing as a masculine man in a feminine body. VeryGnawty thinks this is very foolish, and Id is greatly humbled by the fact that he is not allowed to pursue his fantasy. If he tries to do something foolish, VeryGnawty will probably punish him for it. VeryGnawty perceives that Id is very immature when it comes to gender and identity issues. VeryGnawty believes that if Id pursues such foolishness that it will only cause him even worse dysphoria down the road.