Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: mellissa on October 17, 2011, 09:28:06 PM

Title: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 17, 2011, 09:28:06 PM
I just came out to my parents. they have been watching me for years and finally today they sat me down and asked me to come out they actually don't care they accept me thank god my dad said if anyone messes with me he will beat their ass. And that's coming from a drill sergeant but anyway Im transsexual I am a girl I'm not a guy I'm stuck in this horrid body and I need to know if I can use scholarship money to pay for my srs and other things I just need the boobs and vagina evrything else is already as if im a girl people already think I'm a girl which I am I just need the right body to fit me so how much would it be for just those 2 surgerys also how can I find a therapists to talk to so I can get this done earlyand then do basic training and the rest of college                                                                                                                         
Title: Re: just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 17, 2011, 09:30:15 PM
Hi mellissa! ^.^ you're braver than me I'm waiting till i get the frick out of school, lol
Title: Re: i just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 17, 2011, 09:33:33 PM
Lol I can't wait im ready to live as my right genderi wad going to wait but the cooperation of my parents made it a lot easier
Title: Re: i just came out to parents today
Post by: Felix on October 17, 2011, 09:58:59 PM
You can't officially use scholarship, grant, or school loan money for SRS, but people do all the time. Try not to get into trouble.

I'm glad your parents are supportive. :)
Title: Re: i just came out to parents today
Post by: AndromedaVox on October 17, 2011, 10:12:01 PM
Hey Mellissa,

I was in your situation a while back. I started transitioning when I was 15, because like you, I had supportive parents. You are very fortunate that they seem to be accepting. This is going to be quite a journey, so I would say definitely take a breath. SRS will be down the road, as you will need to be on hormones and seeing a therapist for a while before SRS comes into the picture. The best thing you can do now is find a good therapist who has experience with working with transgendered people (this may be easier if you are near a larger city) and from there you can start the process of transition with androgen blockers, estrogen and perhaps laser hair removal/electrolysis. Once you feel comfortable you can start living full-time as a girl.

I know surgery sounds like the best part of transitioning, but honestly, I feel that going full-time as a girl and being seen as female by the outside world was a much more meaningful accomplishment than the surgery. The surgery will give you a vagina, but being a woman is much more than just having a vagina.

Best of luck to you!

Andromeda
Title: Re: i just came out to parents today
Post by: Michelle. on October 17, 2011, 10:50:45 PM
Congrats sweetie, your quite brave.
If, I, only had a time machine!!!

Time is on your side. Just start saving money from a part time job. It won't pay for everything, but would go along ways towards securing loans.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 05:56:46 AM
Thank you everyone its nice to talk to people like me I've been depressed about my situation but when my parents finallly realized I wasn't happy for a number of years they caught on so anyways would Columbia south Carolina be a big city its the home to south carolina gamecocks a very recognized college football team also if I got a part time job now could I have Atleast half the money by 19 also do I need the hair removal process? and will hormones shape my body to fit my mind? Thank you everyone and I hope your having the best of life.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: justmeinoz on October 18, 2011, 06:07:13 AM
If your parents are behind you then that's the major hurdle out of the way.  As for your father being a drilly, it sounds like you are looking at the Army as a female soldier so he will be happy about you continuing the tradition I  would think.

At your age HRT will have a strong effect, the effect diminishes with the older you start. I am 58 and after six months am on the way to actually having a waistline, hips and sub-A sized boobs. You should do fine.
Just don't be surprised at how much upper body strength you lose, I am fairly fit but am still surprised at what I can no longer do easily.

Transition is not always easy, but it sure beats the alternative. Have a great future.

Karen.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: lilacwoman on October 18, 2011, 12:58:06 PM
Hi Melissa
congrats on having super parents...they'll make life a lot easier.

at your age your face and body hair will still be growing in so if you get on hormones it might stunt and not get tyoo bad but face hair shadow is a dead gievaway so get a part time job and start electrolysis and alser to kill all the hair.  iot ain't cheap and it isn't quick but it has ot be done so you can go out barefaced instead of having to go out with heavy foundation and makeup when all the other girl sare barefaced.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 03:23:02 PM
So I was told a transsexual can't join the army which sucks and I'm trying for hormones but where do i start how do i get a therapists
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: A on October 18, 2011, 04:08:15 PM
I'm happy about your parents and how it's turning out. I seriously congratulate and envy you for going with it so soon in life. Though I can't help but say... Please, for my eyes, buy a bunch of commas to put in your sentences. They're cheap. o_o

Ahem. I'm pretty sure transsexuals can join the army. Apart from that, I think the first step would be to go to your family doctor and expose the situation to them. Not sure how old you are, but you feel like you're young. You need hormone blockers as quickly as possible. Getting HRT might be a little longer, but your number one priority is stopping the self-destruction of your body by testosterone.

You could also start by going to your school's psychologist. They might be able to refer you resources.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 04:20:06 PM
One of the administrators on this site said that we cannot join the army and she told me that I couldn't put my age for various situation but I'm a junior in highschool
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 04:27:34 PM
I'm pretty sure you can't join the military, post-op or not. The only way is if you hold off transitioning and don't let it out.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 04:31:35 PM
Well that sucks we csn do the same as other people that's rude
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 04:35:17 PM
Yup, well in America. I think one guy on here said Canada let's trans ppl into their military.

I wonder if you can do it in stealth after surgery, lol
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: MarinaM on October 18, 2011, 04:37:02 PM
Quote from: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 04:20:06 PM
One of the administrators on this site said that we cannot join the army and she told me that I couldn't put my age for various situation but I'm a junior in highschool

Yeah, that's a side effect of transsexualism being classified treated as a mental/ physical condition, they won't let you in the army. You might try the Coast Guard Reserve.

Scholarships get routed to your education expenses, they're intercepted by your college's financial aid office, so if you don't get a refund those are not gonna help you either.

Try to find a part time job, dump as much as you can into transition while you're still young, and if your parents are cool with it, get their help too.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 04:48:28 PM
Thanks Yall and I wonder if you can joiin without them knowimg your transsexual because like I said I already look like a girl what if they can't tell
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: MarinaM on October 18, 2011, 05:00:26 PM
Quote from: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 04:48:28 PM
Thanks Yall and I wonder if you can joiin without them knowimg your transsexual because like I said I already look like a girl what if they can't tell

They give you a physical and have access to your medical records. Only way to do that is go in as a boy, or have surgery beforehand (maybe)

I was in serious discussions with a recruiter about going into political espionage, then they found out I had asthma and they disappeared. I just got a letter in the mail that said I was not needed.

Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 05:05:56 PM
I'm sorry:/ so I plan on having the surgery first before I join so could they still tell if i joined after surgery
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: MarinaM on October 18, 2011, 05:19:33 PM
Yes, and I'm not sure how the current SOC works, but we were diagnosed with GID, which is technically a mental disorder (to them) and it precludes you from service. If it's no longer done that way you might be able to go in as a girl after the fact. Talk to a therapist, or consult the SOC.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 05:42:39 PM
Thank you for the help sorry I ask alot of questions im just so excited to finally be able to transition
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 06:27:19 PM
Omg Emma you were almost a spy? :o
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 06:29:08 PM
How do I upload a pic so you guys can know what I look like
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 06:30:49 PM
4 more posts you can.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 06:43:12 PM
So i have to post another topic
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 06:45:52 PM
No, you could just spam 3 more posts in this thread and no one will care, lol
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 06:51:23 PM
Oh hi ahaha
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 06:51:45 PM
Thank you for your help :)
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 06:52:24 PM
It's pcture time Ahahahaha
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 06:58:19 PM
Are you asian? :o
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 06:59:29 PM
Black and Asian
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 07:00:49 PM
Blasian! *secret asian handshake* ^.^
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 07:03:21 PM
Lol yes :) if we lived closer we could be bestfriends !!!!
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 07:05:30 PM
yay ^.^
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 07:09:32 PM
Oh by the way your gorgeous:)
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 07:10:19 PM
That's not me, lol, I'm still ugly D:
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 07:16:14 PM
In my opinion no one is ever ugly we are unique in our own concepts :)of life
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: MarinaM on October 18, 2011, 07:42:52 PM
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 18, 2011, 06:27:19 PM
Omg Emma you were almost a spy? :o

Yeah, I scored so high on their silly test that the recruiter told me I could be anything I wanted to be. I told him I wanted to be a spy, then my dad and him simultaneously looked at me crazy. I was dead serious. I swear to you, the last thing the recruiter said to me as he walked out the door was, "If you were taller you would be very intimidating." During the next meeting we talked about politics, foreign involvement and those kinds of opportunities, and then he brought up medical history and that was that.

(my God that was a clunky way to spit that out wasn't it?)

Edit: My Dad just reminded me that we also talked about psychological warfare. Guess that's just how I used to be.

Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 18, 2011, 08:49:09 PM
Lol :) sounds like you had fun
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: Mahsa Tezani on October 18, 2011, 10:48:20 PM
Quote from: EmmaM on October 18, 2011, 04:37:02 PM
Yeah, that's a side effect of transsexualism being classified treated as a mental/ physical condition, they won't let you in the army. You might try the Coast Guard Reserve.

Scholarships get routed to your education expenses, they're intercepted by your college's financial aid office, so if you don't get a refund those are not gonna help you either.

Try to find a part time job, dump as much as you can into transition while you're still young, and if your parents are cool with it, get their help too.

I wanted to join the USAF years ago. But my ex boyfriend told me, "ohhh hun, you'd be discharged immediately since you're way f*ggier than me" and changed my mind not to join.

I had an army recruiter tell me, "we're looking for a few good girls, call me" one day at my job. But yeah, I think he wanted a date and to find a place for his tadpole army to occupy.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 19, 2011, 06:09:04 AM
Oh so does that me I can join
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: angelfaced on October 19, 2011, 01:09:49 PM
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on October 18, 2011, 10:48:20 PM
I wanted to join the USAF years ago. But my ex boyfriend told me, "ohhh hun, you'd be discharged immediately since you're way f*ggier than me" and changed my mind not to join.

I had an army recruiter tell me, "we're looking for a few good girls, call me" one day at my job. But yeah, I think he wanted a date and to find a place for his tadpole army to occupy.


:laugh: ROFL
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: MarinaM on October 19, 2011, 04:02:11 PM
Quote from: mellissa on October 19, 2011, 06:09:04 AM
Oh so does that me I can join

According to v7 of the SOC, gender dysphoria is still diagnosable, and is necessary for surgery.
http://www.wpath.org/documents/Standards%20of%20Care%20V7%20-%202011%20WPATH.pdf (http://www.wpath.org/documents/Standards%20of%20Care%20V7%20-%202011%20WPATH.pdf) (implied on page 12).

Dysphoria is considered a disorder, a rather intense one that impairs what the "normal people" would call rational thought, and disqualifies you from military service. People are still getting kicked out of the military for being trans even though they allow homosexuals to serve openly. After you go through surgery and the transition event is over I can not fathom why you could not get letters from your health care practitioners that could help prove to recruiters your stability - at that point there should be no real reason why you can not serve. You will have to transition, and then fight for it.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: Mahsa Tezani on October 19, 2011, 04:29:37 PM
Quote from: angelfaced on October 19, 2011, 01:09:49 PM

:laugh: ROFL

Why is that funny? explain.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 19, 2011, 05:48:37 PM
Thanks Emma:) and as for the girl laughing why is it funny don't be rude that's what i hate the most is rude people
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 19, 2011, 05:51:13 PM
Let's not make ppl feel awkward guys
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 19, 2011, 07:05:00 PM
Right lol
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: Felix on October 21, 2011, 01:06:50 PM
Maybe she was just laughing at the choice of words. "Finding a place for his tadpole army to occupy" is a clever and creative and honestly funny way to describe an unfunny experience.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: lilacwoman on October 21, 2011, 04:47:09 PM
can you Americans change your birth cert and other documents before or after surgery like we can over here in UK?
I could legally join army as a woman and considering they have tons of lesbians and homosexuals in their ranks they would be pretty hypocritical not to accept me.  LOL
I do know one US post op who has a very successful army career so it can be done.  but then grunts aren't renowned for high IQs so would you want to be with them?
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: MarinaM on October 21, 2011, 05:08:01 PM
Depends on the state you live in. Every state has a different law regarding such documentation.
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: mellissa on October 21, 2011, 07:18:03 PM
All I know is that I'm determined to join after transitioning
Title: Re: I just came out to parents today
Post by: lilacwoman on November 02, 2011, 05:12:12 AM
I wonder if the US Army has policies about post-ops TS being unacceptabel due to the need to continue with medications? 
or if they will have cop-outs by claiming the invasive op weakened the body?

my freind was in support/admin side so being TS may not have been as much an issue as being front line side.

better make some discreet enquiries at Army HQ to try get some confirmation of policy before setting your heart on Go Army!.

then on the other hand you could also be a cause celebre to make the Army accept TS without question.

with almost 70 million Kalashnikovs in circulation and millions more flooding onto the market each year I'd be wary of becoming a soldier.