I know I just posted about "partners" and I'm honestly not desperate for a relationship, but I have belonged to OKcupid for a while and I'm wondering what I should do. I put that I'm FTM in my profile, but my actual gender marker on there says F. Should I change it to M? I'm pre-everything which is why I'm asking. Also, I'm nervous about straight chicks. I obviously don't have a dick and all. It seems like lesbians aren't interested in me, either for being too manly. I'm so confused about online dating. Again, I'm not desperate for a partner and do very little with the site, but I was looking at it today wondering what I should do. Any advice?
I was thinking about putting one on that site today. I have a profile on a different site now.
I wouldn't be to worried about what the straight chicks think for now. Go ahead and change it to M. I mean whats wrong with getting to know someone before hand right. If you aren't looking to jump right into something than change it and see what happens. How much you feel like telling in profile is up to you. Being pre everything makes you no less a man.
I have an okcupid profile. I originally made one years ago, after linking to an interesting political quiz and not realizing it was a dating site. I answered a gajillion questions and did a ton of tests, but for the most part just ignored my inbox.
I recently decided to use the site for what it's for. I made a new profile, a male one with my chosen name, and I'm taking the tests anew. I haven't listed myself as ftm on my profile, but I tend to tell people immediately when they contact me. Plus it's kinda obvious from the questions I've answered. The site algorithms frequently suggest people who specifically mention trans or gender concepts.
I don't take the site very seriously myself, but I do think you should change your gender marker. It isn't really being honest to put female when you feel male. Being pre-T and pre-surgery will be a turnoff for some people, but you're still a man.
I changed it over, but am afraid of contacting people. Should I not?
Go ahead on contact some. The worst they can say is not intrested right. Maybe if not that one person maybe they know someone whos more your type. Who knows but its worth a shot. Don't sit and wonder what if and never try.
I joined on in Oz,and there is a box for relationship,casual dating or friendship. list in your little speil that your interested in meeting someone and if something eventuates then good. then it shows you're willing to be friends and tsake things slow. say you dont do much computer stuff and that you'd rather meet over a coffee for a chat.
In doing this I met 35 chicks in 5 weeks. Within the first date you can talk all the things you'd like to put on the table, and tell them that.
My GF said I came across pretty full on as i talk 100mph, but in being forward got all the problem points out of the way.
we've been together 18mnths now.And she buys My dresses ;D (what i like and what she likes to see me in)
Kristyn
Thanks guys! (and gals!) Should I take the FTM part out of my profile?
I've been on there for about 2.5 years. My profile says male and in my "most private thing..." I write that I'm transgender. I do take the site pretty seriously. I don't really know what I can tweek in my profile in order to increase my ratio of messages per page view.
Right now its around 1:75
I would take it out and tell whoever shows interest after talking for a bit. I wouldn't wait too long to tell them, don't want to be wasting each others time. I would also be sure they know Im FTM not MTF, since a lot of people assume trans = MTF.
Now I kinda want to make one. I keep hearing about that site.
@Nygeel: How can you tell how many page views you get?
@Darrin: I have an OkC profile as well. On my profile pre-T, I listed myself as male and under the biggest secret (forget what the section is called) I put that I was trans. Since then, I've taken that out. I used to tell people as soon as I was messaged, but that always backfired. Now I only tell someone after I've determined he's seriously interested in me, and, of course, that I'm seriously interested in him. Otherwise I feel like it's unnecessary.
My advice: Only put what you're comfortable with everyone knowing. Explain the rest later to the people that really matter.
Quote from: Adio on November 23, 2011, 08:22:48 PM
@Nygeel: How can you tell how many page views you get?
@Darrin: I have an OkC profile as well. On my profile pre-T, I listed myself as male and under the biggest secret (forget what the section is called) I put that I was trans. Since then, I've taken that out. I used to tell people as soon as I was messaged, but that always backfired. Now I only tell someone after I've determined he's seriously interested in me, and, of course, that I'm seriously interested in him. Otherwise I feel like it's unnecessary.
My advice: Only put what you're comfortable with everyone knowing. Explain the rest later to the people that really matter.
Thanks. I put M and took the trans thing out. Oddly enough I'm getting more visitors to my page then I did listing as F. Go figure.
Things will work itself out for you. Like others have said put what you feel good putting and if things look serious let them know. The right one will come along when you are both ready.
Quote from: Wesley_33 on November 23, 2011, 08:30:25 PM
Things will work itself out for you. Like others have said put what you feel good putting and if things look serious let them know. The right one will come along when you are both ready.
*like*
@adios it says how many page views per week on the visitors page. My average is 21 views a week and with sending out 350-400 messages plus being on there for as ling as I have, I've only had maybe 15 conversations. Nothing really went anywhere.
Quote from: Nygeel on November 23, 2011, 08:34:29 PM
@adios it says how many page views per week on the visitors page. My average is 21 views a week and with sending out 350-400 messages plus being on there for as ling as I have, I've only had maybe 15 conversations. Nothing really went anywhere.
Ah okay. Wow..I only get 4 page views per week. I rarely send messages though. But I've had 9 people message me in the last week. So I guess that's not too bad. Not many people in my area anyway. You're in NY right? I figure (like anything) in bigger cities/areas there would be a larger dating pool, so there would be more matches.
Quote from: Adio on November 23, 2011, 08:44:43 PM
Ah okay. Wow..I only get 4 page views per week. I rarely send messages though. But I've had 9 people message me in the last week. So I guess that's not too bad. Not many people in my area anyway. You're in NY right? I figure (like anything) in bigger cities/areas there would be a larger dating pool, so there would be more matches.
Yea. I also have a 50 mile radius. I've messaged practically everybody with a 50% match or more between the age 18-30 within 50 miles and is looking for guys. I tend to message people about something in their profile that we have in common.
I tried OKCupid for about a year a couple of years ago, did not list anything about being trans. Nothing ever came of it, had one "two week" email/messaging spurt, trying to give her a shot but she was a bit psycho and possessive. If she was that pouncy online I couldn't imagine what it would be like in real life. I told her it wasn't working for me and then blocked her. Never had any other conversations/emails for about three months and then removed myself from the site.
Plan was to always disclose after we got to know each other.
Thanks all. I'm not expecting much to happen, but it's kinda fun to do. I am afraid of messaging people initially, not even mentioning about gender and not passing or something.....should I be concerned and not initiate contact with people?
Quote from: Darrin on November 24, 2011, 09:02:21 PM
Thanks all. I'm not expecting much to happen, but it's kinda fun to do. I am afraid of messaging people initially, not even mentioning about gender and not passing or something.....should I be concerned and not initiate contact with people?
I'm like you, I won't message anyone either. I don't handle rejection well. My thought is, if someone is interested in you they will message you. But sometimes if you see someone you wanna get to know ya just gotta go for it. Think of the worst that can happen... she doesn't answer you back, then she's not the one, ya know?
As for the whole male thing on the profile, I would put male. I was asking my cousins when should you tell the girl that your trans? They were saying start off as friends that way you can get to know each other first and then tell her your trans when your ready. If she's comfortable with you being trans you can move on from there.
Quote from: Darrin on November 24, 2011, 09:02:21 PM
Thanks all. I'm not expecting much to happen, but it's kinda fun to do. I am afraid of messaging people initially, not even mentioning about gender and not passing or something.....should I be concerned and not initiate contact with people?
Just go for it. Don't even worry about mentioning gender, etc unless you want to. Message people you're attracted to or would like to know more about. Waiting for someone else to message you may work, but definitely do some messaging of your own. The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy yourself. Best of luck to you :)
Have any of you checked out transgenderdate.com? It's actually a pretty decent place as long as you are upfront about what you are or are not looking for. Most of the guys I meet on there are only looking for sex but I've met several that are real decent. I don't know how it is for guys there though. I've only met one FtM there.
I have a profile on there. Yeah it seems like mostly guys looking for MtF and sex. I have met a few cool friends tho.
Quote from: Darrin on November 24, 2011, 09:02:21 PM
Thanks all. I'm not expecting much to happen, but it's kinda fun to do. I am afraid of messaging people initially, not even mentioning about gender and not passing or something.....should I be concerned and not initiate contact with people?
The stakes aren't all that high, are they? Most humans have their own set of quirks, and while you worry about being trans, there's often something they worry about just as much. I message people sometimes, but I'm cautious and take it case by case. I've had people not respond, or talk for a few days and then disappear, but no one's been outright mean or scary to me so far.
I'll be honest, I'm not involved in the site, but after reading a few of the posts, I'm considering it, just for the hell of it. And when I do, you can be damned sure that my gender marker will say "M," Unless you plan on meeting them face-to-face, then what's the harm, right? For all they know, you could be hung like a stallion ^___~
I'm on transgenderdate, too. So far I've gotten messages from straight cisgender men. One guy messaged me saying he wanted me to call him and make spitting noises over the phone.
It's uh...an interesting bunch.
YIPES! yeah, I've met more then a few wackos there. Talking to a guy from there right now though and he seems really sweet.
Quote from: Nygeel on November 24, 2011, 10:57:07 PM
I'm on transgenderdate, too. So far I've gotten messages from straight cisgender men. One guy messaged me saying he wanted me to call him and make spitting noises over the phone.
It's uh...an interesting bunch.
My giggling just startled my half-asleep kid. Dammit Nygeel. XD
I normally make profiles on whatever dating site I've just heard of, list myself as F since I'm pre-everything, look at a couple profiles of guys on there, then bail on everything since they're probably all straight and not looking for what I'm looking for. Or even this guy that a friend of my late grandmother's (who I don't ever remember meeting) was trying to set me up with - the sort where they don't know that you have anything in common other than that you're both single and have opposite parts, according to your respective parents. Sorta felt dishonest to *not* bail while it was still in the email stage.
Anyone ever tried this on any Jewish dating sites? (presumably it's not going to work too well if you're claiming to be orthodox and a man looking for a man, but...)
TBH if you know you're definitely male-identified (or in my case, GQ but leaning more to male side), it would be more dishonest to put yourself down as female, wouldn't it?
I tried telling this to my brother during a phone chat once; he couldn't see how putting F on my profile could be a problem, so I told him - getting interest from lesbians or straight men, when you know that's not who you wanna hook up with...
I'm with OKCupid and a site called transpassions.com - have had varying amounts of luck, although I'm not the best of communicators so that doesn't help - I was open about my trans status under "Most private thing I'll admit", but after reading some posts on here, I took it off. Will be interesting to see what happens about messages.
So, after being tempted and figuring 'Why the Hell not?'
I signed up for OKCupid a few days ago, and me being me,
I mentioned the trans thing a few times in a few different ways,
And believe it or not, I've had two girls message me.
One said that she was impressed by how honest I was about it,
And she actually seems pretty nice (And she's a a zombie-geek, like me)
And the other asked a few things about me being trans and mentioned that she's dated an FtM before.
Sure, it's only two people, but I'm surprised that they even messaged me at all after reading it,
So that's kind of cool.
Quote from: Nygeel on November 24, 2011, 10:57:07 PM
I'm on transgenderdate, too. So far I've gotten messages from straight cisgender men. One guy messaged me saying he wanted me to call him and make spitting noises over the phone.
It's uh...an interesting bunch.
I lol'd so hard my mother came in an asked if I was okay. I am far too easily amused. Do they let minors on that site?
Quote from: GentlemanRDP on November 26, 2011, 02:44:40 PM
So, after being tempted and figuring 'Why the Hell not?'
I signed up for OKCupid a few days ago, and me being me,
I mentioned the trans thing a few times in a few different ways,
And believe it or not, I've had two girls message me.
One said that she was impressed by how honest I was about it,
And she actually seems pretty nice (And she's a a zombie-geek, like me)
And the other asked a few things about me being trans and mentioned that she's dated an FtM before.
Sure, it's only two people, but I'm surprised that they even messaged me at all after reading it,
So that's kind of cool.
So, this got me thinking. I do identify as a dude. But I still feel like I'm being deceptive by not disclosing my trans status on my profile. I mean, I know this is how I live my day to day life and am not deceiving anyone, but I'm concerned people may think that I'm trying to be something I'm not. I know, I know. It's people online and if they don't like it they don't have to see me. It's just something I worry about. I'm worried I don't pass in my pictures since I don't pass all the time in real life.
I did it after reading and re reading this thread. I signed up or OKcupid today. I also did one for transpassions which lead to beer passion one since yeah I love beers. Now I wonder how many of us on here will see each other on the other sites?
There are tons of LGBT dating sites where you might be more comfortable, in fact gay.com even has options for mtf or ftm. Obviously those sites are more likely to be accepting and understanding.
I met my current boyfriend on Okcupid :) We've only been together a month so far, but things are going very well! So don't lose hope guys, it can definitely happen. I also made a couple really good friends on there. Oh, and I'm genderqueer leaning more male, and I put M on my profile and also disclosed in one of my sections. That's just my preference though. I'd rather it be out there and people know before they message me, that way I know whoever messages me is cool with it. You might get less responses that way, but they tend to be better responses IMO. Good luck to you all!!
Quote from: Darrin on November 26, 2011, 03:12:24 PM
So, this got me thinking. I do identify as a dude. But I still feel like I'm being deceptive by not disclosing my trans status on my profile. I mean, I know this is how I live my day to day life and am not deceiving anyone, but I'm concerned people may think that I'm trying to be something I'm not. I know, I know. It's people online and if they don't like it they don't have to see me. It's just something I worry about. I'm worried I don't pass in my pictures since I don't pass all the time in real life.
Well that's completely understandable :3
If you're not comfortable with disclosing the trans thing on your profile, you can always go back and update when you're more comfortable with your passing status. I mean, honestly, I don't pass in my picture (I used the same one from here) and while I don't like to worry about what people think, it's fine if you do. That's the nice thing about online though, you don't have to disclose anything that you're not comfortable with.
I had a profile on OKcupid for about three months and I did mark M as my gender but I also was really open about stating that I was Ftm and transitioning. I did seem to get a lot of weird random ppl, although no haters and a mix of males and females were contacting me. Lol I actually met my partner on there after only a few months, it was weird since we later figured out we almost met three other times! So, I would say yes, be honest about it and just use it to talk to new people but don't expect anything. Also, don't be afraid to actually go on a date!
I've met a few people from OkCupid. Sometimes it's awkward, but the risk is always worth it.
So when I made a new male profile (instead of just changing the gender on the one I had), I abandoned my old one. I haven't deleted it yet, though, and the site keeps suggesting I date that person. Lol. We have a lot in common. :laugh:
Besides OK Cupid, what are other good dating siyes?
And how do you bring the trans thing up once you are talking to somoene?
I never found a site who really worked out for me.
it all seam to focus on being Mtf, or anything like that,
and the guys who use to check me out think im mtf or like to dress up in girl clothes..
its just so annoying -__-
even if theres ftm sites then it generally for people being interested in girls,
I have met 2 of my ex-girlfriends and my girlfriend online...I was with one for 3 years and the other 4 and a half years.....My gf and I have been together for a year now...I was pre-T when I met both of my ex gf and I was 7 months on T when I met my gf.
I always put male as my gender marker. We got to know each other and when I felt it was right...I told them about me being a transman. So far so good.
Just be yourself and you will find someone. You are a male regardless of body parts or being pre-T.
Tell you what - am currently talking with two guys who messaged me first. One after I took my trans status off my profile, one before - and he's also trans. He's also shown an interest in meeting up! There is hope on this site after all ;D
Quote from: CountryBoy120390 on December 14, 2011, 02:16:55 AM
And how do you bring the trans thing up once you are talking to somoene?
I tend to be as blunt and as casual as possible, and I make sure they have plenty of room to respectfully back out if my trans status bothers them.
This week I actually added 'COCKLESS TRANSMAN' to my profile, because I'm stressed and not up for dealing with things diplomatically at the moment. I'll probably take it down when I feel more competent. :laugh:
I just joined a new site and messaged somebody who replied with "I only date cisgender men." I don't understand that.
I can't believe this thread is still going! I've talked to a few people, but they usually disappear after a few messages. I don't have my trans status on there, but thinking of putting it. I look 12 in my profile picture and put age 26. I think people might get the idea I'm trans. I get no action on my profile. Like 1 view a week and no messages. I'm a loser. lol
Nygeel,
That's interesting that he/she used the term "cisgendered". I've never heard the word before until I started reading this board. You'll find someone who is openminded -- just keep trying -- it's worth it. That goes for anyone looking for love.
Best of luck.
Sono
Quote from: Darrin on December 15, 2011, 05:52:15 PM
I can't believe this thread is still going! I've talked to a few people, but they usually disappear after a few messages. I don't have my trans status on there, but thinking of putting it. I look 12 in my profile picture and put age 26. I think people might get the idea I'm trans. I get no action on my profile. Like 1 view a week and no messages. I'm a loser. lol
Better that than 20+ page views a week, 400 sent messages and at a maximum 1 message returned per every 6 weeks. No real convos.
Quote from: s1ncere on December 15, 2011, 10:04:31 AM
I have met 2 of my ex-girlfriends and my girlfriend online...I was with one for 3 years and the other 4 and a half years.....My gf and I have been together for a year now...I was pre-T when I met both of my ex gf and I was 7 months on T when I met my gf.
I always put male as my gender marker. We got to know each other and when I felt it was right...I told them about me being a transman. So far so good.
Just be yourself and you will find someone. You are a male regardless of body parts or being pre-T.
my exacly problem is, I do pass as a guy, and so,
but the people who are attracted to me and hear that im trans are often asuming im a guy who like to dress up in girl clothes,
I dont mind dressing up but I do mind people who only interest for that one reason.
and its very annoying,
Anyone else tried transpassions??
Quote from: Wesley_33 on December 16, 2011, 09:46:27 AM
Anyone else tried transpassions??
Their site hasn't been working for me.
Quote from: Wesley_33 on December 16, 2011, 09:46:27 AM
Anyone else tried transpassions??
I have but it had exacly the same thing as I decribed earlyer.. (however I was pre T back then so I looked like a 15 year old guy on my avatar)