As I slowly and gradually leave my male life behind, I have started noticing subtle differences in my everyday life, when it relates to the so-called "male privilege" and "female privilege" (if there is such a thing as female privilege, given the rampant sexism in this world!)
Examples of losing male privilege:
Having my opinion ignored or discounted (in comparison to when I voiced my opinions as a man)
Assumed to be weak (I am a teacher who is transitioning openly, so I have noticed this acutely with my students who knew me as a man before, I have more difficulty discplining them because they just respect male authority figures more than female ones)
Being able to walk alone on dark streets not being afraid of rape (I used to never think about it whenever I walked alone as a man on dark streets at night)
Examples of gaining female privilege:
Being let to go first in the line, especially if the next person is male (especially when boarding the bus or train)
Strangers picking up things you dropped for you (this never happened to me in boy mode - they assume you are macho and can handle things yourself)
Getting drinks offered to you, of course, by males (at straight bars, that is)
What are your thoughts? :eusa_think: :eusa_think:
I can't go out and have anonymous sex anymore. But men respect me more now than before.
I gave up the "privilege" of being nauseated and/or suicidal every time someone gave me a compliment related to being male.
I gave up the "privilege" of going in men's places I would never want to go anyway and where I always felt supremely uncomfortable.
QuoteBeing able to walk alone on dark streets not being afraid of rape (I used to never think about it whenever I walked alone as a man on dark streets at night)
In a hotel room in Reno in 2005 I was drugged and felt up while unconscious by a woman, and my "friends" afterward (who I don't speak to now) were giving me pats on the back and telling me how awesome it was that I "finally got some action."
So yeah. Male "privilege" = people not giving much of a **** when you're raped. If the situation was reversed everyone would be outraged.
QuoteBeing let to go first in the line, especially if the next person is male (especially when boarding the bus or train)
Strangers picking up things you dropped for you (this never happened to me in boy mode - they assume you are macho and can handle things yourself)
Getting drinks offered to you, of course, by males (at straight bars, that is)
For me, the only good thing about being a man is NOT getting this kind of attention. If someone offers me a favor because they're just simply nice, that's one thing, but I wouldn't want it to happen because of my sex.
I gained the "privilege" of getting hit on by people I want nothing to do with.
I gained the "privilege" of not having my opinion taken seriously unless it's actually a really good idea and I repeat it.
I gained the "privilege" of being patronized by men who know (a lot) less about a subject than I do.
It is a welcome change to have people being nice to or smiling at me all the time though. And it is, of course, a welcome change to finally feel like myself instead of a giant puppet show.
I'd honestly say I came out behind except for the fact that I finally feel like myself. That one little thing is enough to outweigh anything negative about transitioning.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on November 26, 2011, 12:32:25 PM
I can't go out and have anonymous sex anymore. But men respect me more now than before.
What do you mean? Natal females do that all the time, having anonymous sex. They just don't 'fess up or brag about it like men do. :eusa_shhh:
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 26, 2011, 01:53:03 PM
What do you mean? Natal females do that all the time, having anonymous sex. They just don't 'fess up or brag about it like men do. :eusa_shhh:
There's the security issue due to being trans and having a penis. If I had/wanted srs, I could go get anonymous sex again.
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 26, 2011, 12:08:06 PM
(if there is such a thing as female privilege, given the rampant sexism in this world!)
White straight cis women privilege vs women of color.
Great thread by the way!
I think we should also talk about how we as trans women still yield male privilege.
I will never have the pressure to reproduce nor will I feel like less of a woman for not being able to and no one will judge me as a trans woman for not having kids and a family.
I enjoy letting go of that disgusting masculine wall/front i had to put up at times just to feel safe even though some times i still can use it which i hate but sometimes i have to..
MsDazzler: Mahsa makes a great point because we're talking about privilege! bragging rights is the privilege. Women are called sluts, and trans women who sleep around aren't taken seriously because they're "fetishizing" themselves. That is how that privilege works.
Quote from: Torn1990 on November 26, 2011, 07:14:36 PM
MsDazzler: Mahsa makes a great point because we're talking about privilege! bragging rights is the privilege. Women are called sluts, and trans women who sleep around aren't taken seriously because they're "fetishizing" themselves. That is how that privilege works.
I land a lot of straight straight men. No ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s, besides my b/f. Even if I was post op I wouldn't lie to the men.
No, I can't meet a guy and bring him back to my place and have sex like a normal woman. I have to explain to him I still have a penis, I used to be a huge fruity gay boy, etc. There is a huge amount of rejection I experience because although most guys are like, "You're a hot ass chick"...No guys wants a girl with a penis cuz that would make him gay by our society's eyes.
I don't have the freedom of meeting a man and being like, "Let's go do it somewhere". I have to screen the men I hang out with....
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on November 26, 2011, 07:27:25 PM
I land a lot of straight straight men. No ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s, besides my b/f. Even if I was post op I wouldn't lie to the men.
No, I can't meet a guy and bring him back to my place and have sex like a normal woman. I have to explain to him I still have a penis, I used to be a huge fruity gay boy, etc. There is a huge amount of rejection I experience because although most guys are like, "You're a hot ass chick"...No guys wants a girl with a penis cuz that would make him gay by our society's eyes.
I don't have the freedom of meeting a man and being like, "Let's go do it somewhere". I have to screen the men I hang out with....
Actually, you don't have to screen the men, lol. Just go to Divas or go onto transgender dating sites - you ll find plenty of men to sleep with. lol
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 26, 2011, 09:14:35 PM
Actually, you don't have to screen the men, lol. Just go to Divas or go onto transgender dating sites - you ll find plenty of men to sleep with. lol
Nope. Why the hell would I want to date ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s when I can land straight and bi men? Furthermore, most of the men who hang at Divas aren't my type...at all. Bunch of old man homely smelly asswipes. That place is so homophobic and god, I love Landa and Anji....But no one else there.
I prefer gay/bi men who are part of the culture up on Castro street. I've had plenty more success there and in the burbs.
That whole thing where people automatically take you seriously just for opening your mouth. I lost that.
But people open doors for me now. Like omg, that's totally worth losing respect.
For me the thing I notice the most is just how most guys now act so sweetly and nicely to me :-*
I don't have any problem with my opinion being ignored or respected compared to when I was being a guy so far...
(Guys who don't know I'm trans still ask me for help with their math for example :P)
However, on subjects that *I* need help with, I like to let them keep talking. Then I absorb all their knowledge, AND it keeps them happy :P (to feel like they've just helped a girl with their vast, or "vast", knowledge)
Quote from: Sunnynight on November 27, 2011, 10:49:58 AM
That whole thing where people automatically take you seriously just for opening your mouth. I lost that.
But people open doors for me now. Like omg, that's totally worth losing respect.
People never took me seriously ... ever. I tend to be playful.
And in the south, both genders get the door opened for them.
I don't pass whatsoever (but sometimes I do have to double take in the mirror and take a split second to determine what gender I look like), but I have noticed women more often give me the smile as I pass, and men don't nod at me nearly as much
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 27, 2011, 11:04:23 AM
People never took me seriously ... ever. I tend to be playful.
And in the south, both genders get the door opened for them.
I'm in the south and while it's true that most people will hold a door for someone close to them, going out of their way to hold the door is something that never happened to me when presenting as male.
Quote from: Sunnynight on November 27, 2011, 11:07:25 AM
I'm in the south and while it's true that most people will hold a door for someone close to them, going out of their way to hold the door is something that never happened to me when presenting as male.
I've actually had the door held open for me from quite a ways away by both genders. Surprisingly, mostly by men. However, I'm sure the frequency would increase in my case.
Quote from: Sunnynight on November 27, 2011, 11:07:25 AM
I'm in the south and while it's true that most people will hold a door for someone close to them, going out of their way to hold the door is something that never happened to me when presenting as male.
Haha, yes. I've had guys hold the door for me from
awkwardly far away, like 30 seconds. I felt like I had to hurry up just so I wouldn't keep them waiting! :D
And to add to my previous post, I think it's
very funny when guys fall over themselves not to disappoint me. Case in point: I was getting a sandwich at the deli a few weeks ago and they were out of what I wanted. The guy making my sandwich practically ran to the back to see if they had more, almost crashing into 2 people in the process.
I'm pre-everything, but wearing nails, earrings, growing my hair out, and being more open ("girlie") at places...
Very few ever ask my thoughts on things...and even fewer take me seriously. (But then, that's how things were before, too)
I get a lot more smiles and friendly waves. (Before, as a 100% guy, I'd only get 1 or 2 people/week who'd smile and initiate waving...now it's like a race to see who waves first. Yes, I was friendly before, but no one responded. It was like I was living alone on the planet)
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on November 26, 2011, 09:21:38 PM
Nope. Why the hell would I want to date ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s when I can land straight and bi men? Furthermore, most of the men who hang at Divas aren't my type...at all. Bunch of old man homely smelly asswipes. That place is so homophobic and god, I love Landa and Anji....But no one else there.
I prefer gay/bi men who are part of the culture up on Castro street. I've had plenty more success there and in the burbs.
Actually, aren't those ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s straight and bi as well? Those categories are not mutually exclusive, you know. >:-)
Oh, Castro is very fun! It is certainly a district like no other in America.
i haven't lost any privileges being a female now. I'm still pastoring a church and living my life. Nothing has really changed in the aspects of privileges.
Omg - yesterday evening as I was walking out of a convenience market, I was not paying attention and coins fell out of my clutch wallet as I was putting it into my purse while walking at the same time.
As I was standing at the corner waiting for the walk signal, a couple actually tapped me on the shoulder to give me the coins that was dropped onto the ground. The guy even bent over to the ground and picked up some few more for me. I could not help blushing because that felt so good and never happened to me as a guy.
And I was hardly dressed to impress - I was in totally bum mode, with glasses on, my hair pulled back in a sloppy french twist and a simple top with a jacket and flowing pants, heh.
:eusa_dance:
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 27, 2011, 12:55:54 PM
Actually, aren't those ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s straight and bi as well? Those categories are not mutually exclusive, you know. >:-)
Oh, Castro is very fun! It is certainly a district like no other in America.
->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s reduce transsexual women to being sex objects. Hey, if you want to have sex with them...coo. I sure as hell don't.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on November 27, 2011, 01:05:58 PM
->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s reduce transsexual women to being sex objects. Hey, if you want to have sex with them...coo. I sure as hell don't.
They have their own merits, I suppose. But my point was that you made it sound like ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s were in a separate category from straight/bi men, but in actuality, they
are straight for the most part.
Now if you want to argue that ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s actually are
closeted homosexuals who can't handle being with another man and using transwomen as a smoke screen or transitional bridge, that is another whole story. ::)
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 27, 2011, 01:20:18 PM
They have their own merits, I suppose. But my point was that you made it sound like ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s were in a separate category from straight/bi men, but in actuality, they are straight for the most part.
Now if you want to argue that ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s actually are closeted homosexuals who can't handle being with another man and using transwomen as a smoke screen or transitional bridge, that is another whole story. ::)
Yeah, I get men going after me for my sweet vjjay. Something I don't have or won't be getting installed... ->-bleeped-<-s tend to stick around. A real straight guy doesn't. He goes into the corner, cries and questions his sexuality.
I've had a few of my male friends want to encourage me to get the surgery. But thats a separate issue.
On a different note....
Do you find people treating you better or worse if you are wearing a dress compared to pants?
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 27, 2011, 05:32:08 PM
On a different note....
Do you find people treating you better or worse if you are wearing a dress compared to pants?
I wear both.... Men treat me equally in both.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on November 27, 2011, 06:14:46 PM
I wear both.... Men treat me equally in both.
Like I mentioned, I m a teacher... I noticed that if I wear a dress or skirt, I send out more powerful feminine cues and the students seem to react better than when I am wearing pants.
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 27, 2011, 07:16:16 PM
Like I mentioned, I m a teacher... I noticed that if I wear a dress or skirt, I send out more powerful feminine cues and the students seem to react better than when I am wearing pants.
Men love the short shorts when I wear them. But either way my huge ass gets shown off and they like that and my face.
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 27, 2011, 05:32:08 PM
On a different note....
Do you find people treating you better or worse if you are wearing a dress compared to pants?
In get treated equally regardless if it's a skirt or pants that I am wearing.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on November 27, 2011, 08:04:08 PM
Men love the short shorts when I wear them. But either way my huge ass gets shown off and they like that and my face.
Omg, I could never imagine wearing short shorts at work. I'd die!!! But at a bar, hmmm... maybey maybe
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 27, 2011, 10:14:26 PM
Omg, I could never imagine wearing short shorts at work. I'd die!!! But at a bar, hmmm... maybey maybe
I was asked to rehearse for asiaSF, the married boyfriend said no though and didn't want me to be a ->-bleeped-<- waitress. I regret not doing that, it was my dream job to work there. I'm not even allowed to go to gay bars.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on November 27, 2011, 11:26:26 PM
I was asked to rehearse for asiaSF, the married boyfriend said no though and didn't want me to be a ->-bleeped-<- waitress. I regret not doing that, it was my dream job to work there. I'm not even allowed to go to gay bars.
lol is that a male privilege you lost - to do whatever you want?
Quote from: MsDazzler on November 28, 2011, 10:12:25 PM
lol is that a male privilege you lost - to do whatever you want?
Pretty much. I am no longer the master of my own domain.
I'm in your aab gender, enjoying your male privileges! ;D