I watched this video and it makes me so sad and completly lonely! I wish I had real ( in person) friends I could hang out with and just be silly!
Pumped Up Kicks - Tyler Ward & Crew (Foster The People Cover) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQe1sBDVBAQ#)
I can be all of those people, you should come hang out with me.
Real friends? Oh no no, there's no one I know who cares for those any longer.
From what I've learned, real friends are reflected by the number you have on social networking.
Face-to-face interaction is becoming a thing of the past.
This is my sarcastic approach to say I agree with you as I am in the same boat.
It must feel so lonely. Don't you know anyone who you might consider being a friend? Don't give up.
Cindi
Quote from: krysha on December 14, 2011, 12:34:24 AM
I can be all of those people, you should come hang out with me.
I can be most of them too haha maybe! I'd Love to! I would if I could! but with my luck, I bet your miles away from me!
Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 14, 2011, 12:41:20 AM
Real friends? Oh no no, there's no one I know who cares for those any longer.
From what I've learned, real friends are reflected by the number you have on social networking.
Face-to-face interaction is becoming a thing of the past.
This is my sarcastic approach to say I agree with you.
very true, thats what i've noticed!no one wants to hang out anymore just be on thier phones or comp! I wish I lived in the past then. but being trans doesnt help me either I Guess! why do people have to be so ignorant!
Quote from: Cindi Jones on December 14, 2011, 12:46:19 AM
It must feel so lonely. Don't you know anyone who you might consider being a friend? Don't give up.
Cindi
It does feel so lonely! My career choice doesn't help either, no one wants to be friends with a cop! I walked across my hometown the other day not one hi or hello. The streets were crowded but it felt like I was the only one here on this planet! I walked across town maybe five miles! No I don't know anyone here in my current town that i could be friends with as me. Out of town I have two best friends that I have had since I was like 8 but they live in other cities. Then being trans scares people away, its so stupid!
Yes we come in a time we stand in a crowd and see nobody :(
jenycop
QuoteMy career choice doesn't help either, no one wants to be friends with a cop!
i must reply with CAN YOU be friends with a cop ? I agree that most air there frust about there being treated wrong , specially on parties. I can but it need mutual trust.Must admit i have a grudge to them to, but thats against the system not the persons ! huggss :)
Quote from: JennyCop on December 14, 2011, 12:50:28 AM
no one wants to be friends with a cop!
I would LOVE to be friends with a cop. You could protect me, hehe. I understand how you feel as I use to feel that way when I first started to transition. Maybe you could join a local support group and make friends there?
aw that was cute :D
well we're all here we just have computer screens between us ;D
Quote from: JennyCop on December 14, 2011, 12:50:28 AM
I can be most of them too haha maybe! I'd Love to! I would if I could! but with my luck, I bet your miles away from me!
Cally xD
I can relate. I've had so many friends that turned out fake that I have serious trust issues these days.
I'd invite you around to for a cup of tea if we lived in the same country. I don't have friends either :(
I know it can be tough sometimes, feeling isolated, but it always helps to think of what you do have, as long as you have at least one person that cares about you, that's a start. I know if you keep looking, you'll find some friends :).
I just talk to my dog a lot.
Jay is one of my only friends.
I can count the amount of people who actually care to talk to me on my fingers.
Sucks being lonely! 3:
I spend a lot of time talking to myself. :(
Everyone I know has really busy schedules, and I end up sitting alone almost every night. I always appreciate those times I have with others, but they are far too few.
Quote from: BlonT on December 14, 2011, 06:08:23 AM
Yes we come in a time we stand in a crowd and see nobody :(
jenycop
i must reply with CAN YOU be friends with a cop ? I agree that most air there frust about there being treated wrong , specially on parties. I can but it need mutual trust.Must admit i have a grudge to them to, but thats against the system not the persons ! huggss :)
very true! ( the crowd thing) Yes you can be friends with a cop! unfortunatly the grudge against the system affects people like me!
Quote from: JenJen2011 on December 14, 2011, 07:49:21 AM
I would LOVE to be friends with a cop. You could protect me, hehe. I understand how you feel as I use to feel that way when I first started to transition. Maybe you could join a local support group and make friends there?
I would have to protect you, geeze, your very pretty! there is no local support group in my town the closest would maybe be over 200 miles away. thank you for your advise and suggestion.
Quote from: Torn1990 on December 14, 2011, 11:19:00 AM
aw that was cute :D
well we're all here we just have computer screens between us ;D
yes its very cute! its that darn computer thats between us that bugs me, lol! but true at least we/I have here.
Quote from: krysha on December 14, 2011, 02:33:36 PM
Cally xD
AZ nieghbor!
Quote from: NotSure on December 14, 2011, 05:53:01 PM
I can relate. I've had so many friends that turned out fake that I have serious trust issues these days.
I totally relate with you on fake friends and trust issues! i have had friends I have trusted to lean on and they only used what i told them to hurt me!
Quote from: fionabell on December 14, 2011, 08:03:18 PM
I'd invite you around to for a cup of tea if we lived in the same country. I don't have friends either :(
I would love to come for a visit and have a cup of tea with you! I always wanted to visit your country. unfortunatly public survants don't make that much money.
Quote from: Embla on December 14, 2011, 08:07:46 PM
I know it can be tough sometimes, feeling isolated, but it always helps to think of what you do have, as long as you have at least one person that cares about you, that's a start. I know if you keep looking, you'll find some friends :).
your right about having that one person, but I currently lost my belief that person truly cares.which is the main reason i'm lonely. I was extremely happy with just having her.
Quote from: Jaime on December 14, 2011, 08:10:55 PM
I just talk to my dog a lot.
my cat won't listen to me! He can't stay still long enough! lol!
Quote from: JoeyD on December 14, 2011, 08:20:58 PM
Jay is one of my only friends.
I can count the amount of people who actually care to talk to me on my fingers.
Sucks being lonely! 3:
I am so happy you have him Joey, I remeber ready about you being lonely, it does susck being lonely! please add another finger for me!
Quote from: Lily on December 14, 2011, 08:27:24 PM
I spend a lot of time talking to myself. :(
Everyone I know has really busy schedules, and I end up sitting alone almost every night. I always appreciate those times I have with others, but they are far too few.
lol! me too! especially to my male self if that makes any sense. -shrugs- very true about the schedules, but for me it also includes distance and acceptance.
Thank you all for your responses! I do appreciate my friends here on Susan's!
Quote from: Jaime on December 14, 2011, 08:10:55 PM
I just talk to my dog a lot.
I do the same thing with my two cats, especially when I haven't been able to visit my friends in a while. Sometimes I like to mock my cats about not being able to talk, and all they can do it meow back at me! >:-) :D
I might be crazy...
if you stay in florida or soth GA we could hang
Quote from: JennyCop link=topic=112230.msg852092#msg852092 date=1323928980
AZ nieghbor!
/quote]
Well swing by and say hi if you're ever in CO. You seem like a nice person to hang out with. :)
Edit: Sorry this has a weird format. I'm not sure what's wrong with the quoting.
Jenny, cops scare the holy hell out of me. I usually get along well with them, and in some situations I seek them out, but I've been beaten and bullied by them severely, frequently, and even recently.
Friend is a relative term. I have no close friends. Getting beat up makes humans look worth avoiding, amirite?
Quotelol! me too! especially to my male self if that makes any sense. -shrugs- very true about the schedules, but for me it also includes distance and acceptance.
I have a lot of characters I do, some based on people I know and some just made up. Different ones for different circumstances.
I think I might be crazy. :-\
Distance for me is usually impossible, since I can't drive. I have hearing and coordination issues and I can't safely operate a car. I'm always stuck at home when I wish I could be out doing stuff with others.
Jenny, I'm friends with a cop! It's possible! Though I knew him before he went into the academy so maybe that's why :) also, I've been wanting to use this emote for a long time: :police: But we just went out to get Chipotle (if you don't know what it is, they have awesome HUGE burritos) and he came in his Deputy Sheriff uniform. It felt awesome hanging out and chatting with him with the looks he was getting. In a college town, mind you, "Sorry officer, I wasn't drinking, I'm only 19! *BURP* /vom"
Also, fun thing I like to do when I'm feeling down that there's no one to hang out with is play Billiards with myself, left hand versus right hand. I don't think I've assigned a gender to them yet, I think they're both female, but the left one is a <expletive deleted> ::) She always cheats on the first game and wins until right hand throws it down for a 2 game comeback. Cat fight, billiard-style?
What are "real friends" anyway? I don't think I've had any my entire life. My "friends" are simply people-I-hang-out-with; they will lie to you, cheat you, talk behind your back, never be there for you... but you can talk to them when you've got nothing better to do - just don't say too much. 99% of the people you meet will be like this, sometimes it's best to just ditch everyone and become independant. For me personally, simply having a job or going to college suffices to accommodate for my social needs, the people I meet at work are no different from my actual "friends", I don't trust either really.
I'm genuinely surprised at how many of you don't have friends... I kind of thought I was the only one.
Almost everyone seemed to give off the impression of being perfectly socially well-adjusted.
Quote from: JoeyD on December 14, 2011, 08:20:58 PM
Jay is one of my only friends.
I can count the amount of people who actually care to talk to me on my fingers.
Sucks being lonely! 3:
OK, this is very, very shocking... ~How can you be lonely, Joey?? I really can't believe anyone wouldn't want to talk to you. You have such an awesome sense of humor!
Yea no real friends here either. Just people i talk to on the phone who speak to me becase they feel i am less than and that makes them feel better. I am their friend and keep talking to them. Oh well one issue here at SUSANS is people don't even tell what state they are in let alone what country ??? That makes it hard to meet people in real life. Anyway i am in central Pa where are you and please add it to your profile so people can get to know you better to be a real friend maybe even in person.
As you can see my the replies you're not alone.
I don't have any friends, real nor imaginary ;D Except that is for myself and my wife. Sometimes I am not such a good friend to myself but my wife always is the best!
I lost contact with people down through the years. It happens. I would never say I was popular but I had a good group of people to connect with, they would never come round my house but we'd hook up at college and at other youth organisations and events. Since I am no longer a youth I never go to anything. I am still at college but when you do a doctorate it's very lonely. It's not the same as doing a bachelor's nor a master's. I know a few people through my wife but I don't anyone she doesn't.
Being trans has meant that I have almost zero self confidence, seeing that I am not transitioning at present I am very awkward as a male and uncomfortable being read as one, I never seem to be able to maintain any contacts despite making loads over the last few years and now I just hang out at home and my life consists of work, uni and home.
I read and watch TV and films, learn languages when I amn't working or doing my doctoral work.
Part of me says that friends are over-rated, that you are your own best friend, that you come into and leave this world alone. That's all true but it feels very pessimistic.
Would I like a friend, even one, to go have a coffee with once in a while? Sure, but I can get by more or less without that. Not having friends means I have more time to myself to work and do the things I enjoy. If I had friends I'd have to put up with their drama. And, as I am not one that can cope with stress easily that's wouldn't be something I could manage.
Anyway, I know why I don't have friends. Partly it's because I am not out-going, I don't really get out, I don't partake in any events, I have low-self esteem because I am ümber uncomfortable being a guy in society and I tend to find it hard to find people with similar interests as me. A big part of me says that when I do one day transition, I'll still be sitting at home hiding from the world. I can only hope not but I won't hold my breath. :)
I know lots of people and I run into them almost everywhere I go. There are a few that I regularly visit and some that I can count on if I need something, just as they can count on me. Some of it comes from seeing so many of them come in where I work and after a while, you learn more about them and they learn about you during idle chatting while waiting on the card thingy to clear or something. A few have felt a need to vent something, which is fine, they might not have someone else to do that with. I think they sense that I am a good listener when they do that.
I don't have friends that I really hang out with though other than when a few are down from their main residence up north, then I spend a lot of time around them, we eat together a lot, our dogs play together, etc. I'm also fairly close with my immediate neighbors as I've known most of them a long time and they know my history pretty well.
I suppose I can't really complain as I see so many people get used by friends and I am able to keep that from happening to me and I certainly don't use anyone else. Also, I spend so much time around people at work, that honestly, coming home to a relatively quiet house with just my dog there makes for some good relaxing time.
Quote from: Beverley on December 16, 2011, 09:49:39 AM
Are there no people studying in the same subject area as yourself? Does your advisor only have you as a student? The reason that I am asking is it is sometimes easier to talk to people who have interests in the same area as yourself. It gives you a common subject to begin a friendship with and develop from there.
Beverley
No, no, there are a good number of students studying for the same degree as myself and my super has two other students apart from me. I joined the programme this year and 6 others joined with me at the same time. I have been very polite and friendly to all the people on the course but many of them know each other from before (this uni is their alma mater but not mine) and whenever I have gone to talk with them they act very disinterested. It's like highschool all over again (I changed schools between 9th and 10th grades) with others not wanting to make newcomers welcome.
My friends back at home were very much like this. I miss them so much. I have maybe one friend here who I can be silly with, and not worry about a thing. There's just so many fake people any more. And yes, anymore everyone is so socially screwed up. Social networking and videogames are destroying people I think. :-X
I have many friends but only a few that are close enough that we call each regularly for no other reason than we want to talk. The best and closest friend that I have ever had is sitting across the table from me right now and I met her on this forum almost a year ago. I drove 900 miles wednesday after work to get here and it was worth every mile!!!
Not sure if it makes things feel better but I am also completely alone.
No friends to talk about, only shallow people who doesnt really care. I am always the 2nd choice at best!
Is this a trans thing or what? I have always wondered why people seem to withdraw. Are we radiating something? it sure seems that way.
Anyway if you lived in the same country as I do I would gladly hang with you. Why cant we all buy a town or something :P? no more loneliness then ;).
Zero, none, nata, zilch!!!
But it's partially my own doing.
I do try to reach out to some people, though I think I come across stranger then I am already.
My children are my buddies, probably not a good thing but I make sure I let it be know I am a parent first. My one child said one time "Dad, (I'm still their dad) what are you going to do when we're gone" he said it jokingly like many children but I almost broke down right then and there. I didn't show any feelings and told him back jokingly "what do you mean me, what about you!"
You know, I have to tried to reach out to people and have become a bit more social but I realize what I was before isn't going to change because I transitioned. If someone had low self esteem kept to themselves before, they will still do the same during and after transition. Sometimes even more!!!
Oh well.
Friends today, gone tomorrow. People suck !
I think this thread has established that many of us lack temporary friends. We all have the 2 or 3 real friends. But real friends have their own lives so they can't always be there. Transient friends are nessesary too. They are the work friends etc . They are available company.
Quote from: Carolina1983 on December 17, 2011, 12:48:41 PM
Not sure if it makes things feel better but I am also completely alone.
No friends to talk about, only shallow people who doesnt really care. I am always the 2nd choice at best!
Is this a trans thing or what? I have always wondered why people seem to withdraw. Are we radiating something? it sure seems that way.
Anyway if you lived in the same country as I do I would gladly hang with you. Why cant we all buy a town or something :P? no more loneliness then ;).
As my brother had said before, often times people are just unsure how to take us. As "assigned" gender, people we try to friend as such gender often get confused about our personalities. That's why when we make really great friends, they're friends for life. :)
Real can of worms this is , but sad fact that most of us have no real friends,it,s even gross we have to use the words real friends , knowns would be more used not friends.
And here we have many equals in problems ,sort of friends in fate.
May we all find love and friendship. hugss
and a kiss for a special one :) :police:
Quote from: JennyCop on December 14, 2011, 12:50:28 AMIt does feel so lonely! My career choice doesn't help either, no one wants to be friends with a cop!
I don't see why I couldn't be friends with a cop... :) :P It's not like I think you would randomly pepper spray me or something.
I don't see why I couldn't be friends with a cop.
In LA the cops used to say "just arrest him, we'll find out what he is guilty of later." And to no small degree, its' true. And that's why people don't want to hang with cops, somewhere/somehow they are doing something illegal.
And, like the job itself, the good ones are lumped together with the really foul ones.
I have a good friend and across the street neighbor that is a sherriff's deputy. I use to tease him about corruption and graft, but I haven't done that after the former sherriff went to jail for it, lol. Luckily, my neighbor was never involved in that stuff. Plus he's fun to try to hit with my car sometimes if I catch him at the right time. I tell him that I'm just testing his reflexes, trying to keep him in top shape. Same with the other little pranks I do to him from time to time. Just had another deputy that moved in next door too, still haven't decided on him yet though as I've only met his family and not him yet.
Ever taken notepads or pens from work?
I had a boss almost faint once when I went in and handed them a huge wad of about 30 pens saying: "Hey, they followed me home." She said that in 40 years she had never seen that happen. Eh. They were crappy stick pens and I use better ones. But, to the degree that I have ended up with pens from work at home (or anything else) I take it back.
I always thought that most cops hung out with other cops. Like criminals tend to hang with criminals. Like for someone in a gang that gang becomes 100% of their social life. Because the cops are (at least over here) just another gang (with all the same gang rules in effect - Thin Blue Line/Blue Wall and all that), they are just the gang we hire to protect us all from the other gangs. And cops and criminals have far more in common than your average 9-5er has in common with either. And, like gangs and criminals, outsiders are really, really not welcome or wanted around. And once you find that out it might make people more reluctant to form friendships as they would be limited.
And, as I know from working strange hours as many cops do, it's hard to make friends with the 9-5 types when you're crawling off to bed finishing your last beer as they are walking to work.
True of all jobs, not just policing.
Oh sure, I'm sure that there are musicians and other performers who have a very real, well-founded and intense dislike of stagehands, particularly IATSE stagehands (and there are lots of 'stars' we love to hate on too, and then... there are actors - oh no!). The same way I used to hate on the A&R guys from the record company. The difference is that outside of the actual show people no one else ever has to deal with us, so they don't know how when it comes to being dick-heads this is the major league, we're the Yankees, and this is OUR house. Same with the record company guy. Sure the band hates him. Ditto the crew and the venue people too - but very few other people ever meet that guy so they don't know.
But, lots, and lots, most maybe - close to all? - of people have had dealings with the police, and often at the wrong end of the nightstick or traffic ticket. And, unlike stagehands, rock stars, and record company lizards, that cop has the ability to profoundly change your life - and not for the better.
Heck, the reps of most cops would go up 100% if the police association could stop college towns from hiring guys who were just too much of a dick-head to be a stagehand, so they 'police' students instead. Lots of people leave college with a profoundly lowered opinion of law enforcement due to their college-town experiences with the town cops. (BTW, that's nothing new, 'Town and Gown' Riots go way, way, way back in history.)
And, of course it's not 'all' cops - not by any means. But in some situations its' 99% of them (like the college-town cops). I lived for years in a small town. One cop. He'd come around the Malibu Lounge (the only bar in town, odd name for the middle of Iowa) round about 1:30 every night and take the keys away from those who should not drive home and put them in the patrol car and drive them home and get the keys back to them in the morning, or drop 'em off with the wife. I never had a problem, I lived two blocks away. But I always liked that - that's both protecting and serving. Unlike the ones here in Santa Rosa who just wait outside the bars at 2am. It's just a small town thing. I also never have problems with Oakland/Chicago/NYC/San Francisco cops. Big city cops rarely hassle people, they have real crime to deal with. Five kids with a six pack on the beach is not going to be a big deal. If your wrong you get busted or beat - either way - and it's professional. They tell you to 'MOVE IT!' - you're moving. But the ones in the middle. The ones particularly in suburban towns - yikes!
So yeah, it's true of all jobs, but the police have a huge outreach (in usually profoundly dismal situations) that few other professions can touch.
And who makes personal calls from work anymore? Doesn't everyone have their own phone that they are using?
I have several close friends, however, I think that I could certainly use a few more.
I think that the sad truth is many of us are forced into social interaction early on and make friends and school, daycare, neighborhood playgrounds, etc and don't really get in the habit of going out of our way to do so later on. Especially if you don't get along with people at work, it can be rather difficult.
Tekla, I was really disappointed in your reply!
Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 07:51:07 AM
I don't see why I couldn't be friends with a cop.
In LA the cops used to say "just arrest him, we'll find out what he is guilty of later." And to no small degree, its' true. And that's why people don't want to hang with cops, somewhere/somehow they are doing something illegal.
And, like the job itself, the good ones are lumped together with the really foul ones.
THATS NOT TRUE! I can't believe that statement. We cannot just arrest some one and find out later if they are guilty! We cannot arrest anyone with out probable cause! We must have probable cause and reasonable suspicion beyond reasonable doubt to arrest someone. There is also alot of paperwork that goes into an arrest, its not just cuff up and go to jail. People don't want to hang out with cops because maybe somewhere somehow they are doing something illegal or wrong. If your not doing anything wrong why worry.
Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
I always thought that most cops hung out with other cops. Like criminals tend to hang with criminals. Like for someone in a gang that gang becomes 100% of their social life. Because the cops are (at least over here) just another gang (with all the same gang rules in effect - Thin Blue Line/Blue Wall and all that), they are just the gang we hire to protect us all from the other gangs. And cops and criminals have far more in common than your average 9-5er has in common with either. And, like gangs and criminals, outsiders are really, really not welcome or wanted around. And once you find that out it might make people more reluctant to form friendships as they would be limited.
Yes most cops hang out with cops , like most barbers hang out with barbers and so forth. They hang out with each other to share common interests and have friends and people who understand. Just like us here in Susan's. But they do have friends and family outside the job. The force does not become 100% of their social life. We volunteer at school functions, we coach yours and our kids sports teams, we go bowling, we like baseball games with friends, etc... We live normal lives too! Tekla Cops are not just another gang, we especially don't have rules like the gangs do! Thin blue line / blue wall is a memorial program to honor those officers that have fallen in the line of duty serving and protecting you and yours. how is that even associated with gang activity??? We are not a gang you hire to protect you from other gangs, that isn't our job! We are hired to protect the public,the innocent, lives and property. That sometimes even includes the gangs they are public too! unfortunately. We are not your body guards to protect you from a gang, though I would take a bullet for you. We DO NOT have anything in common with criminals/gangs, we have more in common with reg 9-5ers! we go to work and do our jobs, then go home, that's it! Outsiders? really? Your from LA you mentioned right? The LAPD is not a gang by no means, they are a leader in law enforcement. The LAPD cops walk the beat that most cops wont! They serve and protect the one of the toughest city in the U.S. they deal with the worse crime and worst people than most agencies deal with in a year. They patrol a war zone of gangs and violence! The average Joe doesn't understand what they go through on a day to day basis. Then there is the other percent such as your self who thinks even worse of us!
Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
But, lots, and lots, most maybe - close to all? - of people have had dealings with the police, and often at the wrong end of the nightstick or traffic ticket. And, unlike stagehands, rock stars, and record company lizards, that cop has the ability to profoundly change your life - and not for the better.
True! people usually don't interact with cops unless something bad has happened or a traffic stop. But really? the wrong end of the nightstick? i think you've been watching too many Rodney King videos on youtube! Most cops will not pull out their baton or any other weapon unless they feel there is a danger to their lives or others! Traffic ticket, hmmm.... you wouldn't be getting that ticket if you were obeying the law, so who's fault is that really? Your right the cop does have some power and authority, but he/she does not have the ability to change your life profoundly for the worse, that falls on yourself based on your decisions and actions. Only you can make the decision to profoundly change your life. For example on the traffic ticket thing, It was you that decided to be irresponsible and speed, so it was your own decision process, that decided the ticket was worth the risk or that you are to smart to get caught! Our "to protect " doesn't only mean protect you from others, it also means to protect you from yourself! People make bad decisions,and sometime we have to step in and stop that decision. For example Let say you weren't stopped and ticketed and you sped, you crash because you weren't able to stop in time to avoid the collision, you kill some one! Again, the ability to change your life was based on your decisions. We had to protect you from continuing with that dum decision to protect a life, so we stopped you and gave you a traffic ticket, so you can maybe make a better decision next time. We also as police officers must follow our laws,policies, rules and regs when we come in contact with the public and the situation. It all comes down to people don't like rules and being told what to do!
Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
Heck, the reps of most cops would go up 100% if the police association could stop college towns from hiring guys who were just too much of a dick-head to be a stagehand, so they 'police' students instead. Lots of people leave college with a profoundly lowered opinion of law enforcement due to their college-town experiences with the town cops. (BTW, that's nothing new, 'Town and Gown' Riots go way, way, way back in history.)
Hiring aw yes! Hiring is really hard and police departments have a bad turn over! You and I are actually really lucky that ->-bleeped-<- got hired and is out there serving and protecting us. We don't just hire anyone, the hiring process is long and horrible, not to mention the academy. Think about it there is not many people who are lining up to be yelled at, spit on, assaulted, disrespected, name called, threatened, Shot at, deal with stress, frustration, also when working the jail, risk for being taken hostage,raped,stabbed, thrown feces and urine at and be on call and ready for it 24/365. Cops are a very select few people who are willing to go through all that to keep their community and family safe themselves. College kids will be just that kids! College town police deal with alot of immaturity. Your right riots go back in history but it really isn't the police fault, we just get called out to control it.
Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
And, of course it's not 'all' cops - not by any means. But in some situations its' 99% of them (like the college-town cops). I lived for years in a small town. One cop. He'd come around the Malibu Lounge (the only bar in town, odd name for the middle of Iowa) round about 1:30 every night and take the keys away from those who should not drive home and put them in the patrol car and drive them home and get the keys back to them in the morning, or drop 'em off with the wife. I never had a problem, I lived two blocks away. But I always liked that - that's both protecting and serving. Unlike the ones here in Santa Rosa who just wait outside the bars at 2am. It's just a small town thing. I also never have problems with Oakland/Chicago/NYC/San Francisco cops. Big city cops rarely hassle people, they have real crime to deal with. Five kids with a six pack on the beach is not going to be a big deal. If your wrong you get busted or beat - either way - and it's professional. They tell you to 'MOVE IT!' - you're moving. But the ones in the middle. The ones particularly in suburban towns - yikes!
So yeah, it's true of all jobs, but the police have a huge outreach (in usually profoundly dismal situations) that few other professions can touch.
That one cop was really nice and went totally out of his way to save peoples lives! But he is wrong and stupid! His actions could have got him in lots of trouble, he could have gotten in a fight,or another situation, could of even lost his job over it. In his intent to prevent trouble he was also looking for trouble. Drunk people are hard to deal with and someone coming to take your keys, especially a cop would cause some people to get upset! people don't think straight when they are drunk. I am glad he is ok,. Plus that is beyond the call of duty and the liability issues ar crazy! We are not allowed to give rides in our patrol cars! unless you are a detainee or a special circumstance that was approved by a supervisor! Giving rides like that is a liability to the department and would not be covered by our insurance. "But I always liked that - that's both protecting and serving." how? this is such a selfish thought! protecting what? you from being irresponsible? wow, I didn't know I was responsible for other people irresponsibility's! Serving what as taxi cabs? "Unlike the ones here in Santa Rosa who just wait outside the bars at 2am." <- this is protecting and serving, watch one source of DUI's, follow the suspicious ones, its not my job to make the decision for you! " It's just a small town thing." NO, its not! I am a small town cop!
Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
I also never have problems with Oakland/Chicago/NYC/San Francisco cops. Big city cops rarely hassle people, they have real crime to deal with. Five kids with a six pack on the beach is not going to be a big deal. If your wrong you get busted or beat - either way - and it's professional. They tell you to 'MOVE IT!' - you're moving. But the ones in the middle. The ones particularly in suburban towns - yikes!
So yeah, it's true of all jobs, but the police have a huge outreach (in usually profoundly dismal situations) that few other professions can touch.
And who makes personal calls from work anymore? Doesn't everyone have their own phone that they are using?
Big city Cops rarely hassle people because they are extremely busy going to call after call after call! The calls are usually stupid and prevent us from dealing with real crime. They don't hassle you because they have to prioritize calls and situations. Your right five kids on the beach is not going to be a big deal, but once they go get more beer or bet stupid and fight or ??? then its a big deal. things escalate quickly! to some cops that's preventative measures to go deal with those five kids before they get hurt or killed. If your wrong of course your gonna get busted! beat??? only if you are a threat to me! being uncooperative and taken down is not a beating its having to do what you got to do to control a situation. My department is big we have cities, suburbs and small towns! I have worked in them all. I am currently small town cop!
corruption is part of the real world and is in every job just not police.
One of my friends is a cop. I used to hang out with him, just lost touch over the past couple years (nothing to do with him being a cop). I've been meaning to get with him to go on another ride along.
The bad old days of nasty cops is over here. They are usually really nice, well adjusted people. I don't think of them as anything other than a protecting presence.
They are also annoying buggers who always give me driving fines. :'(
It must be awful to be a cop in America. I'd shoot everyone if I was one there. I wanked off a guy who used to be a cop in Sydney and he said he had post traumatic stress syndrome from it. From being a cop, not my hand job. :laugh:
He was a military veteran too but he said being shot at while he was in a tank was fine.
JennyCop, bravo. Typing from my phone right now, but I just gotta say thank you to you and your coworkers for doing the hardest job possible. Underappreciated, yes. Seeing my buddy go through the academy and hearing some of the crap he deals with has given me much respect for law enforcement.
That said, I wanted to comment on people not hanging out with cops for fear that they're doing something wrong when they're not. I've seen this and I don't understand it. People will be cruising along the highway at the speed limit then slam their breaks as they pass a highway patrol cruiser. Its terrible but it seems to me that the general public assume cops are out there to make a "quota" and just make the public's life hell. I can relate it to what we as transpeople have to deal with: in light of all the crap you get, all the trouble and hard times you deal with. Why would you go through that, put yourself in the line of fire just to hassle people who aren't doing anything wrong?
I know there's a lot of ->-bleeped-<-s out there who go into law enforcement, but there's a huge amount of pride in there as well, doing the right thing for the sake of the public. The way I see it, that's the majority and a few bad apples say nothing about the tree they came from. That's all I've got. Good luck to you JennyC, I probably don't live near you or I'd gladly be your friend.
I'll give this the time it deserves when I get to Vegas, but for now a couple of things at the start jump off the page.
We cannot just arrest some one and find out later if they are guilty!
Ummm, that's exactly what you are doing. All you can do is arrest. That's it. Guilt is determined by 'We the People' - or at the very least a judge. And that always happens 'later' - much later. And we both know lots and lots of arrests are not even prosecuted for a bunch of different reasons. But that's not a police choice either, that's the DA, who is an elected official. And people are arrested all the time just to get them off the street for a while, or because the local paper/political type is hot and heavy on crime and they want to pad their figures, or to give the police time to figure out what is/was really going on and hopefully make one of those 'righteous busts' that get you promotions. Or 'attitude' - as in they had one and the police didn't like it. And those resulting charges, 'failure to follow orders', 'disorderly conduct' or any of that bogus stuff that's not even going to make it past the DAs office, much less court, still might buy enough time to find some real charges to file. And, while it's not each and every citizen of LA that is suspect - it still most of them. Particularly the young, Blacks and Latinos, white kids who 'don't fit in' or who are doing some counter-cultural deal. DWB, DWM, DWH (Driving While Black, Mexican, Hippie) are pretty common. And all the probable cause you need is you saying 'driving erratically', or 'improper lane change', or whatever. It's not the original charge they care about. They just want an opportunity to troll the car and see what shakes out.
People don't want to hang out with cops because maybe somewhere somehow they are doing something illegal or wrong.
It's not all that hard to break the law in the US, because there are so many of them. They might be aware of it, like the enourmous trade in illegal drugs, or it just might be one of those, as you said: maybe somewhere somehow they stepped over the line, or didn't do something, or forgot, or didn't file - whatever. All that kind of responsible stuff people have to concern themselves with most of the time. Who wants that to invade what little down-time we get? Who wants to 'relax' while having to constantly think about what the right thing to say is? And, even if I'm not breaking the law (at the current time), I do have some outlaw friends of mine who I'm pretty sure are, and I know they are not going to want to be around Five-O while we're sitting around.
And you only need concern yourself with 'something illegal' - what is right/wrong for anyone other than yourself and family is a decision you are not empowered to make, or concern yourself with.
If your not doing anything wrong why worry.
Do you understand the nasty stench statements like this raise in the noses of free men and free women everywhere? (But particularly here in the US.) That's why our Founding Fathers added in all that Bill of Rights stuff about search and seizure, warrants, double jeopardy, right to a jury trial, right to face your accuser, and the rest, because they didn't trust the police powers of the government, and didn't want the police powers used with a casual 'well if your not doing anything wrong you have nothing to worry about.' You ought to be ashamed as an American Citizen, one whose freedom was bought most dearly by others, to say such a thing. An official of the government - an armed one at that - telling people such things is a huge worry to any of us who are extremely concerned with the direction this nation is headed in, and the ever growing list of freedoms that have been dissolving in the name of 'security'.
And, speaking of freedoms, I've got a plane to catch.
Currently I am on my break and can't respond, but man o man is this going to be a can of worms I opened when Teklas tidal wave hits! I can feel it!
Can of worms :) As this go more to a job evaluation . Must say i Have some background not as a LEO but close , its a strange profession many have no idea how frustrating it can be,peeling kids of the street who being run down by a DUI ,street punk arrested after much trouble and a judge let him go.As there bosses have a political job make it not easier .And the occasional bad apple .
After this you are stopped, and are asked friendly to show some paperwork but she/he is on a short fuse.Long hours, low pay, and conflicting orders don't help to relax.And not to forget the other agencies that over rule and boss in.
WE are lucky the normal police is doing some work and not spend there time covering there asses as politicians do.
Wishing all here the best in there lives and that we find some REAL friends.
:) Hi Jenny,
First of all, I think you look like a lovely woman and I must say, I'm surprised that you don't have a lot of friends. That said, please allow me to explain my experience with friends...
As a male, I lived most of my 50 plus years with very few close friends (my lovely wife not included of course). But after recently coming out to the world as the woman I am, I have made more friends than I thought possible. The vast majority of these friends are female as I am much more comfortable with them than males and I have met them at my Female "Business Networking " groups.
So just an idea - check out some networking groups or even "Meetup". Again, you seem like a very lovely person and I'm sure if you look, you'll be overwhelmed with new friends.
Best of luck and have a fantastic New Year!
Caisie,
Thank you for the compliments, always appreciated! also your suggestions are wonderful. I think my problem is that I am just really shy and not very outgoing. I have to work on that! again thank you and happy new year to you too!
Quote from: Cindi Jones on December 13, 2011, 11:46:19 pm
It must feel so lonely. Don't you know anyone who you might consider being a friend? Don't give up.
Cindi
QuoteIt does feel so lonely! My career choice doesn't help either, no one wants to be friends with a cop! I walked across my hometown the other day not one hi or hello. The streets were crowded but it felt like I was the only one here on this planet! I walked across town maybe five miles! No I don't know anyone here in my current town that i could be friends with as me. Out of town I have two best friends that I have had since I was like 8 but they live in other cities. Then being trans scares people away, its so stupid!
Meet the exception. There's not a cop in my town who doesn't know me. I've never been in any sort of trouble. I just wave to them and talk to them every chance I get. My neighbors on boh sides are in law enforcement. They are great neighbors and we are always helping each other out. Don't give up!
Cindi
Yay! :D I have a real in person friend now and shes Trans! I think you all might know this special person, Her name is Serena Lynn. We got to meet and hang out together the other day. It was amazing, there are no words to explain the day we had. I dont feel as lonely anymore, I think I have found my BFF!
Thank you to all of my online friends for the support as well. I hope I get to meet each one of you some day!
Quote from: Jen-Jen on July 28, 2012, 09:31:37 AM
Yay! :D I have a real in person friend now and shes Trans! I think you all might know this special person, Her name is Serena Lynn. We got to meet and hang out together the other day. It was amazing, there are no words to explain the day we had. I dont feel as lonely anymore, I think I have found my BFF!
Thank you to all of my online friends for the support as well. I hope I get to meet each one of you some day!
Never alone anymore hun. It was a amazing day that's for sure! I can't wait for our next girls day! :) Best friends forever! Like I said before we so need matching necklaces!
Miss you girlfriend! <3
yeaaaa happiness comes to some here at susans yeaaaa
I'm not sure if I want real friends. I'm broke, after all...
If I weren't, it might be fun. I still don't have enough experience with having friends to know if it actually would be or not.
Quote from: Kelly J. P. on July 28, 2012, 01:39:38 PM
I'm not sure if I want real friends. I'm broke, after all...
If I weren't, it might be fun. I still don't have enough experience with having friends to know if it actually would be or not.
Some of my best memories are of me and my friends trying to find money for food or just shoplifting it, we didnt have anything, but friendship was still very enjoyable. Looking back on it we all took horrible risks and not all of us broke out of the poverty that we were stuck in, but it was an important time in my life that I think of fondly.
Quote from: Kelly J. P. on July 28, 2012, 01:39:38 PM
I'm not sure if I want real friends. I'm broke, after all...
If I weren't, it might be fun. I still don't have enough experience with having friends to know if it actually would be or not.
Friends are important. We weren't meant to live solitary lives.
Blog entry:
The value of friendship (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,123950.0.html)
all my friends seemed to be people who needed something from me as i freely gave it too them. Call me the lil red hen.. i plant the seeds and grow the seeds and harvest the plants and cann it and then people want to come by and enjoy it or even come by and take it to their home to share with their friends :-\
I have kissed a lot of frogs, as the cliché goes. I am perhaps just very discouraged by my lack of success, especially in finding a friend that doesn't spend money or do many favours for me - as those who do generally expect reciprocity, and while favours are fine, I don't have the money to spend. Therefore, sourness and resentment arises, and immediately sunders the relationship. Most of the time.
And then there's the finding friends that actually click with me bit. That part's easier, but it's still interesting finding a proper cynical sociopath that's actually a kind and supportive person at heart.
I'm sure that friends are important... after all, people wouldn't always be talking about how awesome they were if they weren't!
It is worth noting, though, that some people, due to whatever mental or consequential condition, can lead very fulfilling lives without friendship. Many fail to realize the point or value, or have difficulty to the point of friendship being forced, or a ritual. Human beings in general may require friends, but human beings, when you take a closer look, only require friends most of the time.
Human beings are, after all, amazing at thwarting generalizations. It's really breathtaking if you look at it in the right light.
I presently wonder what connection there is between a sense of community and a need for friendship. Is it a direct correlation, perhaps? Does not having a sense of community, or not having much of one, in turn nullify or reduce the need or desire for friendship and friends? Or perhaps it's the reverse, and having friends is what determines whether one has a sense of community or not...
To reach the answer would be no fun. Thinking of the question is far more enjoyable.
Quote from: Jen-Jen on December 14, 2011, 12:30:10 AM
I watched this video and it makes me so sad and completly lonely! I wish I had real ( in person) friends I could hang out with and just be silly!
I feel the same way hon. I have friends on the internet but no one close by I can visit or hang out with. I also feel venerable to go out alone although I do very occasionally go to concerts on my own if there's band or singer I really want to go and see.
Quote from: 8888 on December 16, 2011, 04:03:20 AM
What are "real friends" anyway? I don't think I've had any my entire life. My "friends" are simply people-I-hang-out-with; they will lie to you, cheat you, talk behind your back, never be there for you... but you can talk to them when you've got nothing better to do - just don't say too much. 99% of the people you meet will be like this, sometimes it's best to just ditch everyone and become independant. For me personally, simply having a job or going to college suffices to accommodate for my social needs, the people I meet at work are no different from my actual "friends", I don't trust either really.
I read this post a few days ago and it stayed on my mind. I had to come back and quote it because it is so very true and I don't think most people ever come to this realization, perhaps for them ignorance is bliss? I remember long ago I didn't believe in love, I mean... I was raised by parents who assured me that they loved me, but they didn't love 'me'. And I just didn't believe in love. Then much to my amazement I fell in love but though I believed I was in love and tried to convince myself it was real for like three years. My partner was never in love with me and eventually she let me know it. Even a best friend may not consider you a best friend, let alone a friend at all. And "friend" means something different to everyone. Lots of us think we can trust our "friends" O_o ... Friends are a distraction to personal development, when you can be your own friend and when you learn a little about human nature then you can begin to put "friendship" in context.
I was thinking today that really old people, if they have their wits about them... they begin to accumulate wisdom which I suspect is an ability to look at things without all the ego and attachment that younger people tend to experience.
This is something that I have been thinking a bit about lately also... just folks that I can hang out with, and be myself.
I think it has to do with a yearning for validation: accepting ourselves is great, but being accepted by others would be nice also.
It's kinda like - If a tree falls in the forest...