So lately ive been trying to make more of an effort to go out and meet other trans people, because up until a couple of months ago i didn't know anyone trans besides myself of course. So i met this trans girl named Katie at one of my local bars here and she proceeded to introduce me to some of her friends. She mostly has lesbian friends and they are all really nice, she only introduced me to one other trans girl named Jade. Well Jade is only 25 yrs old and she is sort of out to the world but not completely.. Jade was disfigured as a teenager in a accident and she has about more than half of her face severely burned and she uses a nose prosthesis as well because she lost her nose. Jade has told me that she is not out and most likely will not be because she feels insecure, females by nature i believe are very preoccupied with appearance and at the age of 25 it's pretty important at least for most of us. Well i had a conversation with Jade because she is very dysphoric most of the times that i see her, which lately has been pretty often. Well anyway i mentioned to her that her disfigurement should not hold her back from achieving her dream, because we only get to live once in this life and she might be regretting this later on. I want you'r opinions do you think that her disfigurement should hold her back from transitioning into a woman? i believe that it shouldn't hold her back at all, i believe she should live the life that will make her happy and forget what other's might think because sometimes we gotta live for ourselves. Why should we care about what people who we dont know and dont know us think? Ive said to her go out, dress how u like, if you dont feel 100% comfortable throw on some makeup or whatever u like but be yourself. What do you guys think?
Well to another person I would say go for it.
Myself however I would honestly kill myself.
Mostly because I am horribly vain and I take pride in my looks.
I know it is horrible, but that's how I have been for such a long time.
She should do what it is that she feels will make her happy. If she feels that transitioning is the answer and it is her disfigurement that is the only thing preventing her from doing so, then she needs to find a way to overcome this barrier. It is good that she has friends around her who can hopefully help her along the way.
And whatever point she is in in her life, it is very admirable that she is there :) and that she hasnt killed herself, to say someone may kill themselves if in her predicament, seems quite harsh.
Good luck to you and her.
Ehh...
When your body gets to a point that is so broken or ugly or something you really hate... you eventually disconnect from it and focus on other things. You stop hating it and you simply accept it is how you are and you move on.
I think when you are borderline... when you can see glimmers of what you want to be in the mirror... that is when you focus more on it. But, if you look in the mirror and think it is impossible... you just sigh and go on with the day (instead of obsessing about it constantly).
As for your friend.. I say sure, go for it, transition. Hormones do more than simply shift how you look physically... there has definitely been a mental improvement (at least for me). I think the burns and nose are another issue all together that she needs to deal with and get past.
She's lucky to have you for a friend Elsa, it's always best to remain positive with people who are hurting with self esteem problems and try to present them with uplifting solutions. And Zylphia here's hoping you don't think of, or even suggest that as an answer again. Overcoming shortcomings of one kind or another is a part of what we're all here for. My heart goes out to that girl!
This is a very sad story, I feel sorry for that girl.
She should do what makes her happy, if she feels good with transition, let her go for it.
I know female appearance is very important, but that was the same when she was a GG.
I find her very brave, to deal with something like that.
Quote from: Shantel on February 12, 2012, 06:24:20 PM
She's lucky to have you for a friend Elsa, it's always best to remain positive with people who are hurting with self esteem problems and try to present them with uplifting solutions. And Zylphia here's hoping you don't think of, or even suggest that as an answer again. Overcoming shortcomings of one kind or another is a part of what we're all here for. My heart goes out to that girl!
I didn't suggest it. D;
I just said that is what I would do.
I don't mean anything by it at all.
I'm just a horrible person. :c
QuoteI want you'r opinions do you think that her disfigurement should hold her back from transitioning into a woman?
No it shouldn't hold her back but in reality it probably will. A woman is judged by her appearance and nothing else. I don't think it's right but sadly that's how society see's women and transwomen are no different, if anything we have to work 10 x harder then biological women just to look pretty.
I think that if she really wanted it she could successfully transition but it's gonna be tough for her more so then it would be for the average transwoman.
Lets face facts, if you're an ugly woman in this day and age your gonna have to work hard just like a man to get what you want.
Quote from: Danielle×o on February 12, 2012, 06:55:02 PM
A woman is judged by her appearance and nothing else.
Only if she is trying to sell her appearance and nothing else...
If she gets a degree and career and works her buns off (like any successful person does) her looks really aren't that important (other than dating perhaps).
Women who are only judged on their appearance really aren't trying to offer anything else for people to judge them on instead.
Quote from: Danielle×o on February 12, 2012, 06:55:02 PM
A woman is judged by her appearance and nothing else.
Good grief.. Some of the things posted on this site. One person said she would kill herself if she can't be pretty and another say a woman is ONLY judged by her appearance. Am I the only one who feels there is more to life than is someone is pretty or not?
Quote from: Stephe on February 12, 2012, 11:00:46 PM
Good grief.. Some of the things posted on this site. One person said she would kill herself if she can't be pretty and another say a woman is ONLY judged by her appearance. Am I the only one who feels there is more to life than is someone is pretty or not?
I'm sorry I know I'm orrible. :c
Quote from: Stephe on February 12, 2012, 11:00:46 PM
Good grief.. Some of the things posted on this site. One person said she would kill herself if she can't be pretty and another say a woman is ONLY judged by her appearance. Am I the only one who feels there is more to life than is someone is pretty or not?
^ This.
I know a woman who is transitioning in a wheelchair and has cerebral palsy.
Yes i think transitioning is still possible.
I lived as female for a long time and knew lots of relatively unattractive women who were successful and happy and loved. Most women aren't supermodels.
Quote from: Felix on February 12, 2012, 11:38:27 PM
I lived as female for a long time and knew lots of relatively unattractive women who were successful and happy and loved. Most women aren't supermodels.
Which btw sorry I didn't mean that as a response to OP but to the later comments.
Quote from: Zylphia on February 12, 2012, 11:13:15 PM
I'm sorry I know I'm orrible. :c
No your not horrible, don't apologize just because some people don't care about their appearance and you do. :D :P
Quote from: Danielle×o on February 13, 2012, 12:58:57 AM
No your not horrible, don't apologize just because some people don't care about their appearance and you do. :D :P
If anyone would KILL THEMSELVES over their appearance, something is seriously wrong.
Support her with your love and friendship. She has problems accepting herself but once she finds that people can and do love her then she will start the journey to acceptance.
Looks are not everything by any means, but young woman and TG woman in particular can get hung up on them for a while. There is a gorgeous Australian woman who had her face blown off by a shotgun blast from a jealous ex-boyfriend. She was physically very attractive. Little remains of her face, but she is still a gorgeous woman because she accepts people and loves them. Once you can do that your looks do not matter at all.
In the case of your new friend she needs that support to carry her through. If you do take on this difficult task you will have a friend who will walk through the corridors of Hell to support you. If you cannot then be a friend to her and treat her with love and respect.
But one thing is for certain, you are a fortunate person to have met her and to have befriended her.
Cindy
Quote from: Stephe on February 13, 2012, 01:16:01 AM
If anyone would KILL THEMSELVES over their appearance, something is seriously wrong.
I agree with you entirely Stephe.
I care about my appearance way too much (I used to not care at all before and before that I cared about it even more) way way way too much.
I can't help it though, I think about certain things and I just think "Man I don't think I could live like that no matter how much I tried."
Terrible way to view life. I know. Still I support and admire anyone that can carry on when I know I couldn't.
Zylphia,
We find the strength where ever we can. It is all we can do.
Cindy
Mhm mhm Indeed we do Cindy.
:icon_bunch: :icon_bunch:
I know what Hell is like.
I can accept the fact that your Hell is very personal and I hope you did not take my comments as insults.
Cindy
Wouldn't think of it.
Quote from: Zylphia on February 12, 2012, 06:31:35 PM
I didn't suggest it. D;
I just said that is what I would do.
I don't mean anything by it at all.
I'm just a horrible person. :c
No you're not honey, you are just very young and probably very sweet! I had instantly been reminded though of a person who had told his sister that he was contemplating suicide because his life was a mess. He was such a constant whiner that she finally said out of a complete sense of exasperation, "Then go for it!" he killed himself that night and she's had a tough time dealing with her own feelings having said what she had said. That's what caused me to make my comment to your post the way I did. It's always best to be uplifting to those who are suffering from crippling emotions and disfigurements that eat away at self esteem.
Yeah I'm sweet, but only because I don't want people to know how shallow I can be in my young age. :c
But I try my best to be nice, and to help people when they ask for it. I can't be good all the time.
I think there is a bit to much spice and not enough sugar and nice though Shantel. :U
Still to stay on topic if I were actually in the same situation not sure what I might do, I'd probably still go for transition.
Where a cool half mask, awe yeah. lol I'd find a way to still look awesome, since people think I am awesome now.
Does wonders for my confidence when people talk to me. :)
For Heaven's sake, Zylphia, stop apologizing for your existence like you do in this thread.
The only thing that is horrible, is that you crawl on the ground and apologizes for having opinions.
You need to get stronger and stand up for your opinions- not excusing yourself for having them.
Different people have different needs, and so does also trans-persons, as they are people. Hence, what makes some other people happy, will not make you happy, because your individual need and version of happyness is your own, and least of all, not for others to judge, and if they do, let them know that you are not them.
Quote from: Zylphia on February 13, 2012, 08:58:38 AM
Where a cool half mask, awe yeah. lol I'd find a way to still look awesome
Heehee, I was thinking the same thing :| Getting a really cool / beautiful mask or something :D Or maybe a hairstyle that covers half the face all the time (yea, i watch too many cartoons :P) .
Heya folks,
Normally i'd keep shtum and start a thread in the Intros bit but this topic concerns me a lot and Id like to throw in my two cents.
A few years ago when i was a cock-sure, 18 year old guy, I had the world at my feet - beautiful gf, good looks, confidence and no problems whatsoever. But as time went by, i knew I was living a lie and was a girl trapped in this strange body. I discussed this with a gender therapist but she wasnt helpful in the slightest, in fact was almost discouraging and I left feeling both disgusted and ashamed at my self and my intentions of transistioning. I vowed to try harder at this 'guy' malarkey - regularly going to the gym, turning into a real 'player', and - if im honest - a bit of a douche.
Well, fast-forward one night and I was walking home from a club. It was dark and I was slightly drunk, albeit far from wasted and very much compus mentus. I ended up taking a shortcut home through a supermarket car park and came upon a gang of Neds (Scottish Chavs/Guidos(?) in America) beating up this teenage boy. My alcohol-and-testosterone-fuelled conscience thought, "Screw this, a chance to beat up these scumbags AND be a hero!" So I get myself involved and (if im allowed to be slightly boastful!) get this boy up and free from the mauling he was receiving. However silly me loses focus of the danger and I managed to get 2 glass bottles smashed over my face as I was helping the victim to his feet.
After hitting me, the cowards fled into the night and the victim also scarpered away with not even a thank -you or acknowledgement at all. I ended up getting home, (somehow) drove myself to the hospital and received upwards of 80 stitches (i lost count) down one side of my face. The police come and I file a report etc etc and after trawling through hundreds of facebook profiles and youtube gang videos, manage to find someone I recognise from that night and they eventually go to jail for 3 years (justice sucks!).
ANYWAY, throughout the intervening months I come to the realization that douche-bag me is not who I am. . At the start, i felt that I couldnt go on as such an ugly monster. Whenever i was alone at night, or by myself at work i would feel really low and the act of ending it all was always just around the corner. Some days i'd wonder how it would feel to just let go. But then, what of my dreams of becoming who I am meant to be? What about finding love with Mr Right? What about boring all these people on Susans with my anecdotes?!
I realised that suicide was not an issue. In my mind I had always felt it was the easy way out. I didnt want the actions of a gang of scumbags define who I was or what I did with my life. I got my act together and am now currently on low doses of estradiol and with the support of a totally new and very encouraging therapist. I still have a nasty scar that covers a lot of my face - which as a self conscious diva - is a real pain in the bahookie! Whenever I am out I feel very self-conscious and find myself inadvertently covering my face with my hands or sitting in certain positions so as few people see me as possible. Early in my journey however, i discovered the wonder of makeup (my "Paper-bag over the Head" idea wasnt catching on for some reason!) and I felt a new lease of life. The makeup doesnt cover my scar completely but just wearing it really boosts my self esteem and I can look people in the eyes again. Something that seems so small and insignificant to most but for me was like feeling 100ft tall :D.
Your friend has much more courage than me to undergo her journey. My paltry injury is nothing compared to what shes been through but hopefully my post can reveal that all is not lost. If she stays true to herself then she can be who she wants to be. That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. I hope this helps :)
Sorry for boring y'all and (incase i had forgotten!) Heya! :D XXX
Quote from: Bexi on February 13, 2012, 06:40:07 PM
Your friend has much more courage than me to undergo her journey. My paltry injury is nothing compared to what shes been through but hopefully my post can reveal that all is not lost. If she stays true to herself then she can be who she wants to be. That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. I hope this helps :)
Sorry for boring y'all and (incase i had forgotten!) Heya! :D XXX
And you Ms. Bexi are a truly sweet human being, my very best to you for a very kind, selfless and thoughtful post!
QuoteQuote from: Bexi on Today at 07:40:07 pm
Your friend has much more courage than me to undergo her journey. My paltry injury is nothing compared to what shes been through but hopefully my post can reveal that all is not lost. If she stays true to herself then she can be who she wants to be. That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. I hope this helps :)
Sorry for boring y'all and (incase i had forgotten!) Heya! :D XXX
And you Ms. Bexi are a truly sweet human being, my very best to you for a very kind, selfless and thoughtful post!
Aww thanks for the lovely message :). Lmao there should be a crying-whilst-smiling-like-a-goofball-smiley!
I just dont want others to waste years of their lives wondering "what if" or being dissuaded from their dreams by the comments of the nay-sayers.
X
Quote from: Bexi on February 13, 2012, 06:40:07 PM
Heya folks,
Normally i'd keep shtum and start a thread in the Intros bit but this topic concerns me a lot and Id like to throw in my two cents.
A few years ago when i was a cock-sure, 18 year old guy, I had the world at my feet - beautiful gf, good looks, confidence and no problems whatsoever. But as time went by, i knew I was living a lie and was a girl trapped in this strange body. I discussed this with a gender therapist but she wasnt helpful in the slightest, in fact was almost discouraging and I left feeling both disgusted and ashamed at my self and my intentions of transistioning. I vowed to try harder at this 'guy' malarkey - regularly going to the gym, turning into a real 'player', and - if im honest - a bit of a douche.
Well, fast-forward one night and I was walking home from a club. It was dark and I was slightly drunk, albeit far from wasted and very much compus mentus. I ended up taking a shortcut home through a supermarket car park and came upon a gang of Neds (Scottish Chavs/Guidos(?) in America) beating up this teenage boy. My alcohol-and-testosterone-fuelled conscience thought, "Screw this, a chance to beat up these scumbags AND be a hero!" So I get myself involved and (if im allowed to be slightly boastful!) get this boy up and free from the mauling he was receiving. However silly me loses focus of the danger and I managed to get 2 glass bottles smashed over my face as I was helping the victim to his feet.
After hitting me, the cowards fled into the night and the victim also scarpered away with not even a thank -you or acknowledgement at all. I ended up getting home, (somehow) drove myself to the hospital and received upwards of 80 stitches (i lost count) down one side of my face. The police come and I file a report etc etc and after trawling through hundreds of facebook profiles and youtube gang videos, manage to find someone I recognise from that night and they eventually go to jail for 3 years (justice sucks!).
ANYWAY, throughout the intervening months I come to the realization that douche-bag me is not who I am. . At the start, i felt that I couldnt go on as such an ugly monster. Whenever i was alone at night, or by myself at work i would feel really low and the act of ending it all was always just around the corner. Some days i'd wonder how it would feel to just let go. But then, what of my dreams of becoming who I am meant to be? What about finding love with Mr Right? What about boring all these people on Susans with my anecdotes?!
I realised that suicide was not an issue. In my mind I had always felt it was the easy way out. I didnt want the actions of a gang of scumbags define who I was or what I did with my life. I got my act together and am now currently on low doses of estradiol and with the support of a totally new and very encouraging therapist. I still have a nasty scar that covers a lot of my face - which as a self conscious diva - is a real pain in the bahookie! Whenever I am out I feel very self-conscious and find myself inadvertently covering my face with my hands or sitting in certain positions so as few people see me as possible. Early in my journey however, i discovered the wonder of makeup (my "Paper-bag over the Head" idea wasnt catching on for some reason!) and I felt a new lease of life. The makeup doesnt cover my scar completely but just wearing it really boosts my self esteem and I can look people in the eyes again. Something that seems so small and insignificant to most but for me was like feeling 100ft tall :D.
Your friend has much more courage than me to undergo her journey. My paltry injury is nothing compared to what shes been through but hopefully my post can reveal that all is not lost. If she stays true to herself then she can be who she wants to be. That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. I hope this helps :)
Sorry for boring y'all and (incase i had forgotten!) Heya! :D XXX
Bexi, that was such an inspiring story you wrote, the best on this post. I am impressed at how open you are about yourself especially something a lot of us wouldn't wanna share :) you really are an inspiring person and you seem to have a good attitude. I guess some of us don't realize how small our flaws are compared to other's.
I have an idea.
Your friend will know that many will avoid talking about her scars.
Use that. Present as she really is. Just stand there, bold as brass and think to herself, go on, say something.
I think you'll find that, once she takes the plunge, it will be surprisingly easy.
Let's face it, what's the worst that can happen?
Your friend already knows what it's like to be alone and lonely. People avoiding her because of her appearance. She sounds as if she is on the road to accepting that aspect of herself.
But one thing is very important. I am no suggesting that she is less valuable as a human. I know some black people who take that approach. Especially those who may have emigrated here so are use to living in a society where people don't notice the colour of their skin. It a matter of letting it bother you, so it will bother others.
Quote from: Cindy James on February 13, 2012, 02:05:55 AM
Support her with your love and friendship. She has problems accepting herself but once she finds that people can and do love her then she will start the journey to acceptance.
Looks are not everything by any means, but young woman and TG woman in particular can get hung up on them for a while. There is a gorgeous Australian woman who had her face blown off by a shotgun blast from a jealous ex-boyfriend. She was physically very attractive. Little remains of her face, but she is still a gorgeous woman because she accepts people and loves them. Once you can do that your looks do not matter at all.
In the case of your new friend she needs that support to carry her through. If you do take on this difficult task you will have a friend who will walk through the corridors of Hell to support you. If you cannot then be a friend to her and treat her with love and respect.
But one thing is for certain, you are a fortunate person to have met her and to have befriended her.
Cindy
Hello
Well said Cindy, the woman's name was Kay Nesbitt , we have people here worrying if they pass and I don't know how
Kay has the courage to go out everyday and people are always staring and pointing at her.
She is inspirational and a real human being.
Looks are not everything.If anyone has the time look for Kay's story then we may stop feeling sorry for ourselves.
Namaste'
Atomic Kitten