I've been considering starting t and therapy for almost 4 years now,butwas never sure I really wanted to go through with it. I kept saying that some day I would finally feel like it was time. I cant put it off anymore. I woke up in pain this morning and discovered that shark week was here, had a major breakdown while dealing with it and nearly cried, and ended up calling out of work and hiding in bed all day. I did far too much thinking and decided this needs to stop. I'm not able to really be my self andcomfortable while people are using my female name and pronouns.
And really, when I get upset over a friend saying " what's up girl?" I can really only be mad at my self, because I never explained how I identify or asked them to call me anything different. 4 years of pent up anger and frustration is too much to keep internalizing.
It's not like ive been completely in the closet though. A lot of people are aware of high feel and know that t and a name clhange is something ive been considering. Now I just have to tell everyone that this is actually hapenning and ask people to use male pronouns and call me kyle. I finally left my house and went for a drive with my biest friend who is super supportive (and dated an ftm a few years ago) an excited for me. I think hes gotten sick of my indecicive ranting. I also came out to another friend who was hanging out with us, and his reply was "yay I need more guy friends".
Congrats on your decision to move forward Kyle! ;D
Something good coming from a crappy day. Good luck!
Hey, at least you're moving forward in a direction that you think will be helpful. It takes a lot of courage but making up your mind is the first big step. Congrats and good luck, mate!
Congrats on this big step forward dude! I completely hear you on the "what's up girl?" kind of comments, it's like they have no idea how painful it is but at the same time I would think... how can you look at me and say that. So glad to have those days in the past. Ah anyway, best of luck to you moving forward :)
Quote from: lexical on February 21, 2012, 10:59:48 PM
I completely hear you on the "what's up girl?" kind of comments, it's like they have no idea how painful it is but at the same time I would think... how can you look at me and say that.
Exactly. I realized how much I tense up and almost go into panic mode when it happens, and a good portion of friends really don't know me cause I'm always kinds awkward and defensive. It really all hit me when I wokeup the morning after going out to several bars and dance clubs with friends who mostly all knew me as female, and realized it would have been a lot more fun if I wasn't letting everyone think I'm a lesbian.
I came out to a coworker/ friend I carpools with yesterday. He was totally cool with it and said he had an mtf friend in college. We ended up going out for beers and burger's last night and talked for a while about the whole process. This is now 8 people at work I'm out to.
I have Friday off, and a list of therapists in my area to call. Hopefully ill be able to start soon.