Anyone else have major issues with the way you percieve your appearence?
For example I'm of the impression I'm hulking fat,and really ugly in general.
But others tell me otherwise, and I don't believe them.
Sometimes i'll be looking at my feet thinking they are huge.but the truth is they are only a uk size 6 to 7. My hands that I think of as huge meat paddles...1 cm longer than a girl I know amd the same width...and shes only 5'2
I do this with everything about myself! Especially my face,and it doesnt seem to matter what im told or the tape measure may say,my brain just won't accept im anything but big fat and repulsive.
Seriously it's like my brain is faulty, and it's always been that way making me want to hide in a dark corner forever.
First off, don't look in any mirrors unless you are doing your hair or makeup. We are our own worst enemies, so the less we look at ourselves the better.
Secondly, cis-women do exactly the same thing. At least we can tell ourselves it's because of a manufacturing fault.
If your hands are the same width as your friend's and 1 cm longer then they sound more feminine, to me.
If you are fit enough to get through your day easily, including climbing stairs, then you don't have to really worry about your weight too much, unless you have a health issue.
Karen.
Size 6-7 shoes! That's petite in my book, you should see my feet! :P
In our community, it's very easy to become body dysmorphic and obsess over a part of our bodies regardless of whether it's fine or not.
If it's gotten to the stage where it is getting in the way of you getting on with life, then please talk to someone about it, there are things that can be done to help with getting over this.
I wear a women's size 10 shoes, have 17-ish inch shoulders and I've loads of loose skin from losing 64 pounds, still see myself as fat (and considering my tummy and thighs, I still am), and I consider myself overly ugly. So yes, I do have major self image issues.
I collect antiques and so far all my mirrors are worn badly and i can barely see myself in them so i do not look.
I HAVE A GREAT SELF IMAGE ;D
Your self image should be the person you are on the inside not the outside :police:
Most women have self image problems I think. It's normal, but we all need to get over it.
Quote from: carrietg on March 17, 2012, 04:32:59 AM
Most women have self image problems I think. It's normal, but we all need to get over it.
The only problem is that for us, it's compounded because of our starting point. :(
Sigh...I know I should really find some friends,or a support group or something. Im just painfully shy with zero confidence and my head is really a mess. Makes me feel a little better im not the only one with self perception issues though.
Quote from: justmeinoz on March 17, 2012, 04:07:28 AM
First off, don't look in any mirrors unless you are doing your hair or makeup. We are our own worst enemies, so the less we look at ourselves the better.
Secondly, cis-women do exactly the same thing. At least we can tell ourselves it's because of a manufacturing fault.
If your hands are the same width as your friend's and 1 cm longer then they sound more feminine, to me.
If you are fit enough to get through your day easily, including climbing stairs, then you don't have to really worry about your weight too much, unless you have a health issue.
Karen.
LOL QFT - to that ! 8) If this was Facebook I would 'Like' this post.
Yes, we all go through it, I had a malfunction quite publicly yesterday. Over my looks.. oh and by the way, if your a UK size 6-7 shoe size, then I HATE you !! :laugh:
I am a size 7-8 shoes size. Technically 7 and half, - but UK does not do that size.
It's all about the shoes with you gals :D
Quote from: Siobhan on March 17, 2012, 03:21:49 AM
Anyone else have major issues with the way you percieve your appearence?
For example I'm of the impression I'm hulking fat,and really ugly in general.
But others tell me otherwise, and I don't believe them.
Sometimes i'll be looking at my feet thinking they are huge.but the truth is they are only a uk size 6 to 7. My hands that I think of as huge meat paddles...1 cm longer than a girl I know amd the same width...and shes only 5'2
I do this with everything about myself! Especially my face,and it doesnt seem to matter what im told or the tape measure may say,my brain just won't accept im anything but big fat and repulsive.
Seriously it's like my brain is faulty, and it's always been that way making me want to hide in a dark corner forever.
I have similar problems. I have low self esteem and self image problems too. I'm also bothered by similar issues. My shoe size is ladies size 7 which isn't too bad but still bigger than the average female. I'm also 5' 7" in height which is still taller than many females in my area. I also have facial issues, mostly with my teeth which are crooked and look horrible. I should have worn a brace as a kid but in the U.K there isn't the care like there is the the USA about self image or cosmetic dentistry. I know it's going to cost a hell of lot of money to get my teeth done properly and it affects my confidence as they are now.
My body shape is wrong with most fat accumulating around the belly and not on the butt or legs and I wear more loose fitting clothes to cover up the fact. I think many of us have problems with transitioning as it's not as easy as you think no matter how close you think you are physically to a cis female.
Quote from: Siobhan on March 17, 2012, 03:21:49 AM
Anyone else have major issues with the way you percieve your appearence?
For example I'm of the impression I'm hulking fat,and really ugly in general.
But others tell me otherwise, and I don't believe them.
Sometimes i'll be looking at my feet thinking they are huge.but the truth is they are only a uk size 6 to 7. My hands that I think of as huge meat paddles...1 cm longer than a girl I know amd the same width...and shes only 5'2
I do this with everything about myself! Especially my face,and it doesnt seem to matter what im told or the tape measure may say,my brain just won't accept im anything but big fat and repulsive.
Seriously it's like my brain is faulty, and it's always been that way making me want to hide in a dark corner forever.
Girl, I know how you feel...I think we all do. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to being critical of our own appearances.
It sounds like you had a good starting point, being rather petite. I wish my feet were that small! lol. Mine are a size 6 men's atm, I dont know what that equates to in women's sizing yet.
Just try to keep your head up and if anyone compliments your appearance, believe them. At least there are many cis women who are fat and ugly, I don't know if that helps. But, I bet you are just being hard on yourself.
Heck, when I look in the mirror, all I see is a man-appalling! I'm pre-transition and its depressing.
Quote from: Beverley on March 17, 2012, 08:22:03 AM
Shoes are important. I like shoes. What kind do you wear Siobhan?
Beverley
Trainers...lol or mens shoes to work :embarrassed:
Ive only been on anti androgens for about 4 months and ive not come out, have no clothes,makeup or anything..too scared of never passing to even try.
Quote from: Siobhan on March 17, 2012, 08:52:30 AM
Trainers...lol or mens shoes to work :embarrassed:
Ive only been on anti androgens for about 4 months and ive not come out, have no clothes,makeup or anything..too scared of never passing to even try.
I've never worn men's shoes (not even before transition) but I always used to wear female trainers, jeans and t shirts. It's a good place to start and it makes the process more gradual than a complete radical image change.
I used to wear my gf's trainers lol...was'nt even my idea either honest :angel:
Quote from: Renee D on March 17, 2012, 09:07:47 AM
I don't think I'm that great looking, but I know I'm not butt ugly either and actually have a decent looking body so long as I'm wearing clothes, lol.
Lol...."your sexy and you know it"
You are,really.
Quote from: Beverley on March 17, 2012, 09:34:36 AM
NaturallyBlonde has it right. A gradual change works best so here are some simple tips.
1. Wear womens' jeans
2. Wear plain blouses, loose ones not tailored ones
3. Wear clear polish on your nails and let your nails grow a little
4. Start to moisturise after shaving and after a shower/bath.
5. Let your hair get longer
Start with that lot and get used to it. After a while wear a bracelet or an anklet and get used to that. These are very simple things that 99.99% of the population will NOT notice but they will build your confidence.
If you are in the UK shop at Asda because they have mixed gender changing rooms and the clothes are very, very cheap so as your body shape changes over the months you can update your wardrobe easily.
Beverley
I realized that was intended for the OP, but would that advice apply to me too? I have bought some women's clothing just recently. The problem I have is that if I wear the jeans...people are going to notice I think. What do I do if people stare or make rude comments/laugh?
I would love to do as you suggested to the OP though
Well, the jeans are skinny with a mild kickflare, and the tops I bought are t-shirts which are not overly feminine.
About what I want to do? All of the above. I suppose I will try it soon, I just wish I had the hormones already, for me they help a lot but I will try it next week when I get paid and eat lunch at the only mall my city has.
I will make a nee thread for it after I try it out.
Thanks for the encouragement!
*hugs*,
Stephanie
Straight leg or regular fit jeans are not noticeable in my experience. Depending on the cut they may not be particularly comfortable in the seat area. And the pockets are next to non existent.
If you are really really worried why not star jeans only - I'd be very surprised if anyone notices
Quote from: luna nyan on March 17, 2012, 10:26:55 AM
Straight leg or regular fit jeans are not noticeable in my experience. Depending on the cut they may not be particularly comfortable in the seat area. And the pockets are next to non existent.
If you are really really worried why not star jeans only - I'd be very surprised if anyone notices
Forgive me if this sounds dumb, but are star jeans a brand name?
Perhaps I should get some staight leg jeans, because my legs are definately 100% female looking, perhaps the only area that does not require change from the hrt. I hope people won't notice too much, because I can't help the way my legs are shaped , nor the "wiggle" when I walk. I already get looked at funny while wearing guys jeans so I guess it won't hurt. Lol
Quote from: Beverley on March 17, 2012, 10:07:34 AM
Why not?
What style are the jeans? Skinny? Kickflare? Bootcut?
It WILL happen so be prepared for it. It need not happen all the time or even most of the time. I suppose it depends where you live and what sort of people you are mixing with. To start with, avoid teens. Boys will be aggressive and girls will be rude. Stay away from people with small children / toddlers. To start with, if you are wearing a plain blouse, jeans and sneakers, go to a large mall on a quiet week night and just walk through it. You will be surprised at how little people notice. To start with, stay in the quieter portions until you realise just how little people really notice.
Next, develop a thicker skin. This is actually quite easy. Remember that for almost everyone you come across you do not know them and they do not know you. You will probably never, ever see them again so whatever they think of you is utterly unimportant. It does not matter.
Now here is the key to it - once you realise that other people's opinions are unimportant to you then you can ignore those people. You will no longer have that 'nervous stare' we all start with and once this happens your confidence increases and your passing rate goes up - way, way up.
Which bit? Whatever it is, if you want to do it, then do it.
Beverley
Yes, I think I will avoid all people, actually. The place I live has a population of just under 100,000, and we only have one mall, and its not very large. But it doesn't matter, I will have to get used to going out as female so I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.
My hair is a big problem though, its not long enough right now even though its straight.
Quote from: Beverley on March 17, 2012, 11:00:51 AM
The jeans sound like bootcut. http://www.hm.com/gb/subdepartment/LADIES?Nr=4294929234&gclid=CKCC67We7q4CFdISfAodwHUpNA (http://www.hm.com/gb/subdepartment/LADIES?Nr=4294929234&gclid=CKCC67We7q4CFdISfAodwHUpNA)
You should be OK with them. Many guys have flared jeans. I guess as long as the T-shirt does not have a big pink heart on it with the words "Cuddle me" on the back.... :D
It is better to do this without the hormones. It is only a small step because the clothes are fairly androgynous so get some confidence by seeing how little people notice. Walk through the mall like you are the only person in it. Ignore everyone. Do NOT glance nervously at people and wonder what they think. People really pick up on nervous glances and wonder about you.
If you feel any doubts or worries do what I used to do. I used to say "Bev - if you really want to be comfortable as a female you need to do this so to hell with everyone's opinion". That carried me through to the point where I stopped caring because even on a bad day no one gave a d*mn about me or my ability to pass, but I had to experience it for myself to really believe it.
Yesterday I had to go into a butcher's shop and there were 6 other people in there waiting (2 women, 4 men) so I had to queue. I had no make up on except for my french polished nails. I was wearing a plain tailored blouse, kickflare jeans and ankle boots. My hair was in a high pony tail and I had a girly bracelet clearly visible on my right arm. I had shaved two or three hours previously. I paid from my ladies' purse and I had no trouble. I do not think I passed as female but I was not even trying to pass, nonetheless I got no trouble. I did not get 'sir' or 'maam' because I think they were unsure exactly what gender I actually was but my confidence in myself made it clear that regardless of what they thought I was not going to be intimidated or cowed. I was clearly happy in my own skin.
Maybe they all talked about me when I left or burst into laughter - but what do I care? I will see the butcher again but the other customers? Probably never again as long as I live so they can laugh all they want as far as I am concerned.
I am not saying that all this comes easily, but it does come with practice and hormones are not really much help in some ways. Right now I am sort of halfway and my A-cup boobs show no matter what I wear so I now longer have a choice. I now HAVE to present as female from this point onward and on days like yesterday were I had no time to get 'tarted up' I will wind up looking androgynous (for now). I am happy with that but if you come down this path then be prepared for this awkward stage.
Good luck - and always believe in yourself.
Beverley
I clicked on the link, yes basically my jeans are like those.
I loved your post btw, I am so glad that I found susans.org and thank you for all of the feedback and suggestions. I do feel much better after reading posts on this site and although I don't personally know any of you, you feel like family.
Also I'm glad Beverly, that you came to the point where you just go and do your thing (whatever your agenda is at the time), not worry about what others think and just know your a woman. I want to get where you are now and I will do whatever it takes.
Thats a great attitude for anyone to have bev , not just trans
Quote from: Siobhan on March 17, 2012, 11:21:53 AM
Thats a great attitude for anyone to have bev , not just trans
Yes, well said. :)
Quote from: Stephanie_b on March 17, 2012, 10:16:21 AM
Well, the jeans are skinny with a mild kickflare, and the tops I bought are t-shirts which are not overly feminine.
I have some Skinny jeans but can't get into them anymore!
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on March 17, 2012, 12:07:12 PM
I have some Skinny jeans but can't get into them anymore!
Doh..too much junk in the trunk?
I have trouble with jeans, my waist is smaller than my hips so they always fall down..and if I wear on them on my hips the back of the jeans just sort goes saggy...gah
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on March 17, 2012, 12:07:12 PM
I have some Skinny jeans but can't get into them anymore!
HRT will do that to you hon, I have days where I can hardly pull mine up over my caboose!
Quote from: Stephanie_b on March 17, 2012, 10:53:08 AM
Forgive me if this sounds dumb, but are star jeans a brand name?
Perhaps I should get some staight leg jeans, because my legs are definately 100% female looking, perhaps the only area that does not require change from the hrt. I hope people won't notice too much, because I can't help the way my legs are shaped , nor the "wiggle" when I walk. I already get looked at funny while wearing guys jeans so I guess it won't hurt. Lol
Sorry that was iPhone auto correct fail ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ
I meant start with jeans only and go from there. Straight leg, regular fit and boot cut work well
Quote from: luna nyan on March 17, 2012, 02:47:47 PM
Sorry that was iPhone auto correct fail ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ
I meant start with jeans only and go from there
rofl, ahahaha, that's an error that I love!
Star jeans, lol
We all have "problem spots" but slowly I have learned to accept them. I wish I had a more "girl butt" and smaller waist. That's not likely to happen. I do feel I am a fairly attractive woman and pull off certain style/looks OK now. It does take a "I don't care" attitude and I haven't worried if people are looking at me etc for a LONG time. I also know I am a very unique person and most people remember me. I'm fine with being memorable :)
I have some issues, like:
my chin I see it very uneven (most likely I see something completely different from what others see)
my forehead and brow bossing... it doesn't help that my cousin makes fun of me for this.
my torso, waist and hips sometimes I see them as super bony and I feel nasty.
I don't know. People say I am pretty and such, but same as you I don't- can't believe them.
Yea, I always feel kinda fat. I'm about 135 lbs at 5'5 and I would really like to be 120 but my body is really stubborn about going below 130. And I have a tiny bit of loose skin on my belly from when I was a fat preteen. Like not a lot, but enough so the texture of the skin is kind of weird and not firm. So when I sit down I think my stomach looks really gross. :icon_dizzy:
I also have no hip fat... but that's thanks to being pre-HRT. At least I have a small waist :D
Quote from: Tazia of the Omineca on March 17, 2012, 08:48:48 PM
I have some issues, like:
my chin I see it very uneven (most likely I see something completely different from what others see)
my forehead and brow bossing... it doesn't help that my cousin makes fun of me for this.
my torso, waist and hips sometimes I see them as super bony and I feel nasty.
I don't know. People say I am pretty and such, but same as you I don't- can't believe them.
You are pretty tazia,and young. Im sure you will grow into a beautiful woman if you wish to.
Quote from: Siobhan on March 18, 2012, 04:17:58 AM
You are pretty tazia,and young. Im sure you will grow into a beautiful woman if you wish to.
I'm pretty sure I want to be a woman, and I hope I will be. :)
Sorry for butting in but guys have self image issues too, everyone does even if they seem really confident about themselves there's something they won't like.
I am 5'3 which I don't mind at all i am used to being short but I really dislike how little my bone structure is. I have small hands even on a female scale and my wrists are only 5.4 inches all around. I have uk size 5 feet, these things bother me but I refuse to let my day be ruined by them. They only worry me sometimes because I am concerned what other people think.
Most of the time I just get fed up with worrying about it and just get on with it instead. Or I try to look at what's positive for example I don't look anywhere near my age but I pass 80% of the time and my voice is getting deeper which means I'm not clocked straight away when I talk anymore.
Everyone has insecurities is what I'm trying to say so don't feel alone about it and it certainately don't let it stop you living . =]
Quote from: Tazia of the Omineca on March 18, 2012, 06:12:40 AM
I'm pretty sure I want to be a woman, and I hope I will be. :)
You pass very well in your DP by the way so I wouldn't worry about anything if I was you