Hey.I wonder how you all guys survive the day with your GID.As the title says,my life is pointless and I don't want to live. I just can't be unhappy anymore.I live as a girl 100% of the time ,mostly noone allows me to be a boy.Sometimes others call me my diserided male name,although that's still a little awkward for me,I prefer to be called like that then my female name.But mostly everyone treat me as a girl.I didn't come out to everyone,but those I did don't vrilly accept me as a guy or just tease me,think it's a joke or totally ignore it.I don't know what to do anymore.Maybe it's my fault,for a long time before coming out I pretended to be who I'm not.I let everyone treat me as some little girl in school,cause I wanted teachers to think I'm some sweet kid and everybody just thought I was like that and I didn't fight against it.Plus a lot of people don't vrilly know me,I was allways shy and still am,because I have social phobia,I sat alone in the desk at school most of the time,didn't come to the playground or hang out with anybody from my neighborhood.The last one is probably cause a lot of them were mean to me,some still call me names on the street or ignore me.Also some boys from school tease me sometimes.It's hell.I get sad a lot and want to kill myself.I don't have good grades so everybody think that's just cause I'm lazy.My family doesn't accept me at all as a boy.Also mom treats me bad.Most of the clothes I have is what she bought me without me being even present at a store,she never gives me money to get my own clothes.When I tell her that she says that I should buy my own clothes with my money.I don't have a lot of it,and that little I have must save for a therapist,a packer I plan buying and similar.Everybody say that I'm weird and stupid.I can never handle my problems,I just lead them to bigger problems.I don't know what to do with my life anymore.
Life can look like a jumbled mess if you look at the whole thing at one time. You need to take one step at a time and just face what's in front of you at the moment. Please call one of the Hotlines if you feel suicidal. We are all here for you, hugs, Devlyn
Thanks,This means much to me.You are probably right,I should concentrate on one particular thing at the moment.
your mainproblem as I see it is your not being really accepted anywhere,
I think the first big steep is to gain that lets say it like this.
you can be everyones friend and a good kid people would like
you can also be who everyone hates and be who you are.
but even if people hate you will know the few who stick together are for real. those people are people you can be honest with and helping you along the way.
I dont say your money thing isnt an issue, I understand your focus on gaining money for all the stuff, but getting enough money takes time and it can be an lonely run if your all alone by doing it.
if theres any transgroups or GLBT group in your area you should also contact them to see if they can help you.
I belive its best for you not to be alone, and parrents arnt always to trust on this points..
just a side note, its ALWAYS hard to transition, and somethimes you just want to give up,
but its worth a try, if you really want to kill yourself then you cant really lose anything more,
I was in pretty simular situation since I started my transition short after a suicide attempt,
I was pretty scared, and it was hard as h***, thought I would die at times, but I made it and im happy about it,
not everyone is lucky, but as I said I belive its worth a try.
Do whatever it takes to feel better, Mihael (Michael?). Hang around here and talk if everybody else treats you badly. Everybody gets down sometimes.
I know many people who have been in almost identical situations who are now happy and loving life. Things always change. Focus on the future- what you want things to be like- what your ideal life will be like in the future- what clothes you'll pick out for yourself when you go shopping- what kind of apartment/house you'll have when you live on your own and how you'll decorate it-- daydream about it and get excited for it because it WILL happen. And as you wait for that to happen, try to find small things in your current life that you think you might be able to change or at least improve and work on those tiny things. Keep looking forward to the future when things will be awesome, because you'll find that tolerating the sh*tiness you're dealing with right now will be WAY easier when you know its temporary.
Try that and be in touch with us!
Thanks.You are pretty optimistic.Hope is the only thing that's left.You guys are my biggest support :)
Quote from: Mihael222 on April 07, 2012, 08:38:41 AM
Thanks.You are pretty optimistic.Hope is the only thing that's left.You guys are my biggest support :)
I'm really glad you're still around. Be strong.
Hey there dude your fighting back by coming here. It has to start somewhere. You did it and yo will make it happen. In the mean time hang here and do the little things that work for you. Maybe you can trade those clothes your mom buys for some male clothes. We are here for you and well your on your way but know it isn't getting there as much as it is the journey to there.. Your on the journey so enjoy each day and someday your gonna be helping the next guy. hugs D
A lot of what you said sounds a lot like me especially with being bullied and the shy part.
The people here have offered great advice here. I'm still living as a 100 percent female at the moment so if you ever just want to discuss that then feel free to hit me up. The more support the better. :)
I don't know what to say to you. That's gotta be hard being forced to live like that, and I would feel hopelessly suicidal too. How old are you?
Also, my inbox is open if you ever wanna rant or talk about ->-bleeped-<-. It's rare that I feel sympathy for people on here... But I do now.
Start making a plan. You'll feel like you're taking control of your life, and you will be.
If you ever feel truly suicidal, PLEASE get some professional help. And keep coming here no matter what.
i felt like that for about a year just hold on because it does get better. if you want to talk more pm because ive been through the same thing.