This question is not intended to be insulting, but arises from my curiosity after seeing another discussion elsewhere about pregnant men. Would you be or would you choose to be pregnant and give birth as a man? For those dads out there who went through the process, did this experience affect your dysphoria or not? I understand that we are all different and that dysphoria affects us all differently, but I'm simply curious how many of us would willingly give birth. For myself, I could not and would choose not to.
I was very much against giving birth pre transition (when I was 7 I declared at christmas dinner I was never having kids lol) & my absolute fear & grossed-outedness revolving around childbirth stayed with me my whole life. So....no, I would never be a pregnant man (but have no problem with folks who do decide to be)!
I never felt the 'urge' to give birth, or to have children for that matter.
I'd like dogs when I have more time and money, some drool more than little children, some drool less. Both go through puberty, it's just that he pooch cán be controlled during it.. ;)
Hah no, just kidding. Though I do prefer a dog over a child in my home. Parenthood is just not for me, that's got nothing to do with being trans though.
I would never in a billion years do it again, it was horrendous from start to finish, both physically and mentally. I didn't plan to get pregnant but when it happened I was like "meh, may as well, easier than adopting"
Don't get me wrong I love my daughter to bits but....never ever ever EVER again :P
I would not choose to give birth but to be fair I would not want to give birth even if I was cis. There's so much more I could do with that money like complete my transition and hit up tons of anime conventions to cosplay afterwards. I just have no interest in raising children or giving birth to them. Plus I am actually doing the world a favor by not having children lol.
Interesting question by the way. :)
I go through periods of biologically wanting to have a kid, but I have never wanted to have one psychologically. The thought of being pregnant grosses me out, and the thought of having to share my space with another being that isn't an animal just irritates me.
However, I have no issue with men who get pregnant. It's their life and they can do what they want.
Quote from: smittyFTM on May 25, 2012, 07:41:20 AM
I was very much against giving birth pre transition (when I was 7 I declared at christmas dinner I was never having kids lol)
Same here, minus the Christmas dinner. I remember telling my mom how scared I was of pregnancy, showing her pictures of us in the hospital after I was born. I told her and my best friend that I would never get pregnant. Both of them basically laughed at me and said I would change my mind in the future. But I knew that wasn't true and turns out I was right :)
If for whatever reason I did get pregnant, I would have an abortion. To be honest, I don't understand guys who desire to get pregnant, but whatever. It's not my life and I'm not about to control someone else's reproductive choices even if I don't understand it.
I wouldn't be able to do it. There's a documentary out there that follows 12 trans men who have given birth. I've never seen it but it's called trans parent (or as one word).
I declared early on that I never wanted to have children -- my mother kept insisting I would have the mother urge one day ... .now I am 40 never had a kid - but helped raise my partners kids. I love being a parent but never want to birth one myself
Special Announcement (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbBrzffYSLs#)
I hate to judge others, but personally, the whole idea of this situation grosses me out.
To each his own though, I guess.
Ill be honest, the thing I want to most is to have a family and raise children. So, along with eveything I have to accept this bit of heartbreak that I cant biologically have my own children atleast (I know theres adoption, or sperm donor for my girlfriend etc etc, but this is time consuming and costly. I will probably go down the donor route, but Im not thrilled about it).
It was something I have had to unfortunately accept. The idea of mothering a child is ludacris. I cant even put the idea of doing something that is such a female (though its a gift) thing, together with myself. As much as Im sure people may want to argue it is not gender specific to parent a child, to me doing it that way, is. Like Im sure Ive said before, to think of people using their "wrong parts" in such ways, whether its birth, or sex, disgusts me. :/
I wish there were a way that I could have children though.
I would never do it, as a male or as a female. To me, it just creeps me out. besides, I don't like children much at all.
my mom actually said a few days ago that I should keep my ovaries so I could have a kid one day, she said "well that one guy did it" ugh, she doesn't get me at all, and I cant believe she thinks I would do that.
The idea of a baby inside of me makes me feel suicidal.
No qualms with anyone here who has done it, its just not for me.
I personally wouldn't want to. I want kids someday(not for a while) but thinking of having one myself ....completely makes my skin crawl. It doesn't seem natural to me because of the level of dysphoria that I have with my body. Other people arent like me though, and for them then it's perfectly fine. If you don't feel dysphoric about it, go for it. However, because it's such a lengthy time until I actually do want children (10-15 years probably... since I'm only 22 and not even finished with my BS degree yet) I believe that I can set aside finances after my transition is complete and work towards an adoption.
However, this is all contingent on if my partner wants children. Right now, my girlfriend does not know if she wants kids eventually(even though I believe that I will), and expresses fears of having children(she wouldn't want to have one biologically. The thought of pregnancy bothers her. Her fears are more so having to do with parenting solely, rather than how the child is brought into the picture).
I definitely love the idea of biologically seeing a part of yourself in an offspring, but that's out of the cards for me. It has never been in the cards for me. I view myself as a sterile male LOL
No. I despise my body as it is. I've never been okay with the fact that it's designed for carrying and birthing kids. If lower surgery were easier to get, I would have had it by now.
I don't need kids, nor do I really want them. They're okay, but just that. I've never felt a strong desire to reproduce.
I love children,
but I never felt a desire to have one myself, biologically.
I realise that my children would probably be really adorable. <-according to everyone in my family.
But, I would never get pregnant. xD
If my partner (when I get one) down the line wants children we can adopt, surrogate, or sperm donor, what ever he/she wants. C:
And when I first heard of pregnant men, I thought how could anyone do that? because it was completely un-male, but I've changed my opinion and become more open minded, and just started accepting more things. xD
Quote from: Liam Erik on May 25, 2012, 12:00:57 PM
I'll settle for being a kick-ass uncle.
This is my thought as well :)
Quote from: Panon on May 25, 2012, 12:43:01 PM
And when I first heard of pregnant men, I thought how could anyone do that?
I hate to say it, but years ago I felt this way and mostly I still feel the same way now.
Honestly, there's been so much press coverage I think it hurts the general image of people like me, because stupid crap like whether or not a person who identifies as male wanting to have a baby is deemed media worthy and then makes the general public think it's "funny" or "weird" or see us all as "less than an actual man". Eh, oh well, I guess.
I would do it. It'd have to be perfectly planned though, assuming the year and a half I've been on T coupled with only having one ovary haven't ruined my fertility. There would be dysphoria I'm sure, but it would be something I'm willing to deal with in order to have a child. The main factor I feel that is most important in this is having the funds to take time off, say from when I start to not be able to hide it to a while after the baby is born. For me it's important to have a child at some point in my life. My other option if I can't get pregnant is to get my brother or cousin to be the donor father (and give up parental rights) and have my SO (whoever that may be) be the carrier and birth mother. But all this is something I see as far off in the future, I'm only 24.
there should probably had been a pool for this but its okay.
--
I am kind of surprized to see so many people sharing my thouhgts,
I dont have the biggest desire to ba a parrent, but when I thought about it I though about it how to be a father,
and the pregnant part has always been kinda grosee out.
having people talking about pregnacys kind of freaks me out, and giving birth is one of my biggest fears, whatever its myself or someone I see.
I has a couple of ftm I know who got pregnant, I totally accept and understand. I belive if your really wants a child then you will do what you can to get it, its nothing to do with being man or not, theres probably some cismen who would do so as well if they could, well at least one of my friends claim he would.
If I should be frank I think I could deal with pregnacys, cause I had death with so many other things before. sure it would be hard but I got advice from some of the ftm how to handle stuff like that, so it would be posible but,
the thing I couldnt handly was the giving birth thing. it would kill me I actually belive. I got phobia enough in the first part, and the second one is one of my greatest fear of all, so I would probably faint and never wake up.
--
So its really not for everyone, and specially not every man, a guy who do so must deal with alot of dicrimination both outside and also at the trans comunity, together with his own problems and phobia..
the people who questionate those also has to consider not everyone is able just to, adopt or be parrents for others.
like gay adoption it can be hard or imposible to adopt as transgender, and depending on your situation the birth thing can be the only way So if you REALLY want kids, you must figure out if you can deal with that for a limited time or not.
------
The thought of pregnancy in general horrifies me. I don't even think it's a trans issue for me since pregnancy in anyone seems to make me feel sick. I just think most people reproduce for the absolute stupidest reasons (thanks to Maury :'P). The concept of needing to be a biological parent is completely foreign to me.
My boyfriend desperately wants to be a biological father. At first, this caused issues because I know for a fact I don't want to get pregnant. Eventually we came to a compromise. I would be willing to have a biological child with him only if it's through surrogacy, and we stop at one. I also have to get this egg harvesting thing done before T. I just want to get it the ->-bleeped-<- over with @_@. He's thankfully more than happy with that decision because that means no spawning before we can afford it xD.
I really want to be a father, but not biologically :'P. My need has always been to be a foster and adoptive parent. There's so many kids out there that need a stable home, and dammit I intend to be that for them. My extended family tells me I won't have that "biological bond" with my kids, but they each have like 5 kids and can't even afford one! ->-bleeped-<- them and their "biological bond"! D:<
I could never do it. I want those organs gone asap, them being there cause me enough dysphoria as it is.
Yeah I agree with Nathan. It is completely crazy for me (nothing against anyone who has/would) to even consider entertaining the thought of being pregnant or birthing a child as a man! I accepted long ago any children I raise will not be mine biologically but also that it doesn't take genetics to be a parent. I'm at the stage now where although generally I like kids and love my nephew/niece to death it will depend on what the person I end up with wants - if she wants kids I will walk down that path and if not I think I will be ok too.. I don't have that unquenchable thirst to be a parent like some people do.
I've also had people ask if I would approach my brother as a potential donor and my response is the same every time - hell no!! I could not look at him and then look at my child and know that he could do something I can't (if that makes sense). And although that would make the child somewhat genetically linked to me, no way I couldn't do it! I can't know - so anonymous donor is the path I would choose, but again will depend on what my significant other wants. And by the time I am making this decision I would have had bottom surgery and have no functioning reproductive organs to throw into the mix anyway...
Quote from: smittyFTM on May 25, 2012, 07:41:20 AM
I was very much against giving birth pre transition (when I was 7 I declared at christmas dinner I was never having kids lol) & my absolute fear & grossed-outedness revolving around childbirth stayed with me my whole life. So....no, I would never be a pregnant man (but have no problem with folks who do decide to be)!
off topic i know , but if thats you in your avatar , damn what an insanely good looking guy :P
Quote from: Liam Erik on May 25, 2012, 07:16:24 PM
I was wondering about this a little - if there's much pressure on gay guys to get pregnant. The thought of having to explain to someone why I won't have their kid under any circumstances feels kind of bad. It's hard to give a satisfying explanation of how pervasive dysphoria can be to someone who doesn't feel it.
Since there's no real equivalent for him, that was one of the harder parts of dysphoria to explain XP. He tried his hardest to understand though, and never really placed pressure on me to get pregnant (especially since we're so young @_@), but he was still let down that being with me could mean not having biological kids, something he's always wanted. That's when I came up with a compromise. I was surprised he never tried to negotiate for a higher number. I guess he was just happy to have one. It's gonna be expensive as hell, but I'd rather spend the money than ever produce one with my own organs @_@. I think that's when he finally understood how against getting pregnant I was xD. I'm so cheap I'll duct-tape myself before going to the hospital to get stitches. If I'm willing to spend so much money to not get knocked-up, then he figured I must be serious about this.
Alas, his family isn't as happy about this. They're old fashioned over stuff like this and see that if I have the ability, I should use it. When it got brought up around one of his brothers, he said that he could never be with a woman who never wanted to get pregnant. We both got the hint that he was telling my boyfriend to either change my mind or dump me. We both figured he wanted to start a fight, but unfortunately for him I'm an internet troll so we both knew not to give him what he wanted.
I would rather stick needles in my eyes.
Quote from: poptart on May 25, 2012, 11:04:30 PM
I would rather stick needles in my eyes.
Androgyne here. But I'm kinda with poptart on this one.
Yikes.
--Jay Jay
Quote from: mementomori on May 25, 2012, 09:16:05 PM
off topic i know , but if thats you in your avatar , damn what an insanely good looking guy :P
IKR?! I didn't think we were supposed to say it.
I never wanted much to do with children until the last few years. I'm only 22, but I deeply desire to be a father someday to a child biologically connected to myself.
Part of this comes from the fact that I am the only one left now to carry on my last name, and in my eyes, our true family genetics and character. In this train of thought, I would seriously hope that if I had a biological child, it would be a boy. Call me horrible, but if I do not have one.... our branch of my family name + genetics dies out.
I would only resort to the pregnancy option if I could hide inside the house for the ENTIRE duration of it. I would feel bad enough about it personally. I would not want others to see me like it and go WTF??? and proceed with laughter at myself, and all the rest of us.
I would prefer to go down alternative routes to achieve this child though. Egg harvesting, with a sperm donor and implantantation into the woman I would be with.
Eventually though, I wish to have bottom surgery. Not that I care overly that much about the organs that are there, but I want to piss right....oh! and that little thing about FULL legal marriage rights to protect myself and possible wife. So I guess if that comes before the family scenario, If she wants to have children, I will likely have to suck it up and accept that I am sterile, and that some other man has gone to bat where I could not......
It tears me apart just to think about it all :(
Pregnancy in general creeps me out. It reminds me too much of parasitism. To me, it's like having a giant larva that sucks the life out of the host. And I don't like babies and small children, period.
I've never really understood the urge to procreate. It's not just that I don't want to bear children; even if I had my own sperm-producing testicles, I would not want to procreate.
I spent about fifteen years hearing that I would change my mind, and I never have. Even when I was a little kid, I always figured that if I wanted a son, I would adopt. But I definitely don't want children.
I hope you don't mind a few Cindy comments.
One of the biggest clashes I had with my mother when she 'caught' me yet again as teen dressed in female clothing, was 'don't you want to be a man and father your children?' 'NO, I'm a woman I want to carry them and give birth'. I think that is one of the points when I realised that I was fully female but not organically so. She was also totally lost in despair at that comment.
When I started AAs my therapist asked if I wanted to store sperm in case I met someone and wanted children. I was so amused by the idea I laughed out loud. 'I want the tumours cut off, I never ever ever want to use them.' was my reply.
I love children and dote on my friends babies and children. I'm totally comfortable with them.
So cruel, why me?
Cindy
Quote from: Arch on May 26, 2012, 03:11:22 AM
I spent about fifteen years hearing that I would change my mind, and I never have.
I'm actually one of those people who did change my mind about wanting a kid after never suspecting I would. It's true that the things we want likely change as we get older, but I would never try to tell someone else that it's going to change for them. Just because it did for me doesn't mean anything about someone else.
I'm at a stage now where I am not ready to go out actively pursuing fatherhood. However, if I was with someone else who wanted to be a parent, and the means was reasonably within our grasp, let's just say it wouldn't take any arm-twisting for them to convince me. I wouldn't care whether it was biologically mine or adopted. Adoption is actually more appealing in some ways because it means one less unwanted child that's already out there. I think I would just go for the most expedient method, but as a gay man, that's not a simple question to answer.
To be more on-subject with the thread...
If I were in a relationship with a trans man, and despite liking the idea of a child, there's no way I would DARE ask him to do something like that. IF he came to me and it was his idea, I'd entertain the notion, and only then. It just seems SO inappropriate for me to start that conversation.
I'd do it. I'm not ready for kids any time soon, but I've always wanted to be a parent. If that means getting pregnant then I'm okay with that.
Quote from: Cindy James on May 26, 2012, 03:41:19 AM
I hope you don't mind a few Cindy comments.
One of the biggest clashes I had with my mother when she 'caught' me yet again as teen dressed in female clothing, was 'don't you want to be a man and father your children?' 'NO, I'm a woman I want to carry them and give birth'. I think that is one of the points when I realised that I was fully female but not organically so. She was also totally lost in despair at that comment.
When I started AAs my therapist asked if I wanted to store sperm in case I met someone and wanted children. I was so amused by the idea I laughed out loud. 'I want the tumours cut off, I never ever ever want to use them.' was my reply.
I love children and dote on my friends babies and children. I'm totally comfortable with them.
So cruel, why me?
Cindy
reminds me of me and my mtf friend (probably told the story before)
where she was very sad and cryied cause she couldn't be pregnant..
and I was like.. "god I would just be satified with being a father, and never be pregnant but it wont happent.
and into our conversation I our of sudden I just a started to laugh
she was like. " what are you laughing at?"
me: " I just decovered we're like cis-genders right now, talking about famely issue"
her: "oh yeah"
:laugh:
ït was funny how extremly simular it was, yet so imposible.. very strange felling..
---------
btw for all the folks who wrotte, they really wanna, have kids but not be pregnant. I would ask what you would choose if the option is between never getting kids at all, or be pregnant.
meaning, no adoption, no egg donation or anything.
the reason is cause thats how life is for some trans folks, and also why I understand that some who really want children no matter what would be pregnant even when there not found of the idea in general.
Bah, even just the passing thought of it chills me! It's one of those big things floating around in my skull that the tendrils of awareness touch on very delicately, before retracting quickly with loathing.
Thinking about the fact that I even could be capable of such a thing literally makes me shudder, and I feel nauseous right now having to acknowledge it enough to address it.
Of course if a man has the ability to reconcile the process in his own mind, and the desire to do so, then more power to him, but it is not for me. Not in this life, or any other.
EDIT: On a more morally centred note, I would never personally do this to a child (here assuming the father was on T). We can't possibly know what goes on inside our bodies that could negatively effect a developing child, and in my opinion the risks are huge. I just simply couldn't justify possibly bringing another child into a painful existance, when there are so many out there already who could benefit from a loving family.
I do want kids...just don't want to carry 'em internally.
I know that people want to pass along their own genetic material. It's built into most of us, for obvious reasons. So, logically--but not emotionally--I understand why people have their own kids.
I've always been a big believer in adoption, but I know that a high percentage of those kids are screwed up. Some people just don't want to cope with that. Thrown in the procreation imperative, and you wind up with a lot of lonely, messed-up kids who have no families.
Bane- You stop T before trying to get pregnant, though I know of one guy who was on T and not trying and ended up pregnant, him and his gf (a MTF on HRT for 10 year) had been under the impression his gf was sterile.
Quote from: Andy8715 on May 26, 2012, 04:41:57 PM
Bane- You stop T before trying to get pregnant, though I know of one guy who was on T and not trying and ended up pregnant, him and his gf (a MTF on HRT for 10 year) had been under the impression his gf was sterile.
thats why I always play safe, even when people say "your on T nothing can happent" or mtf say "I am on E so nothing will happent"
sure sure....
But dont wanna play that kind of games..
I'm adamant to everyone around me that I don't want a kid and I hate them, but in truth although most children annoy and scare the bejebus out of me, I think that one day I would like a child, I just know that in no way, shape or form, would I be able to carry it myself. The thought of it not being biologically mine doesn't really phase me, families in my opinion aren't formed from blood, but from the people themselves (that probably has something to do with my thinking that one of my old teachers was a better father in two years than my dad has ever been, but that's beside the point).
As someone who likes women though, even if I never transition, the only problem that could occur would be if they were unable to carry it themselves, either through a medical or emotional reason, in which case we would have to consider other options, such as adoption, which I think I might consider anyway, childhood is one of the most precious times of someones life, and it can't be relived. I would feel so privilaged if I could be a good father to someone.
But to carry them, whether I transition or not, is a no. Never. Kudos to the guys who can stomach it though.
I have a kid but its a little bit different for me cause i didn't choose to sleep with them but I did choose to keep it after it was done. I never ever wanted kids i love my son but still have trouble even dealing with my friends kids. I had decided to come out as trans soon as i turned 18 so I could already be completely self sufficient but when I was 17 a guy I know forced himself onto me and unfortunately by the fact i have a kid we know how that turned out. I can understand why someone would want to I guess but I felt so uncomfortable with the idea for the longest time and my personal experience was negative. Though I have some friends who would give anything to be able to have kids who can't either because they for some reason are infertile or because they are with a same sex partner. So to each there own and if they can and want to why should anyone else care or get in the way.
Quote from: Andy8715 on May 26, 2012, 04:41:57 PM
Bane- You stop T before trying to get pregnant
I'm well aware of that, but the implication you're making here is that when a guy stops taking T he once again has a completely female body. I very highly doubt that to be true; no matter how long it's been since his last shot, the internal works will likely never be exactly the same again.
Of course I have no stats or facts to back up this claim, but we know so little about the effects of hormones on children in the womb (is that why we're trans? This scientist says yes! This surgeon says no!) that for me personally it is simply too much of a risk, even if I could get past everything else. That's all I was saying. :)
No, what I'm implying here, is that once you stop T and wait a while (IDK let's say a year) before trying, your body is being washed in estrogen, not T. I feel as long as a doctor is monitoring the proceedings, it's a chance worth taking. There's always abortion if something is found to be completely wrong with the fetus.
FWIW all the trans men who have given birth after being on T haven't publicly reported anything wrong with their child as of yet, though YMMV, your body your choice, agree to disagree and all that jazz.
Quote from: Andy8715 on May 28, 2012, 01:55:01 AM
There's always abortion if something is found to be completely wrong with the fetus.
It's sad that people view that as an option.
Quote from: Make_It_Good on May 28, 2012, 09:15:02 AM
It's sad that people view that as an option.
Thankfully, however, it is a valid option.
Well, I kind of wanted to throw some good comment on that abortion thing, but it seems like there was none of those left in my midn, so I'll just get to the other things you guys been talking about...
I must say that I've never really wanted to have children, so it's okay for me that I'm sterile and can't have my own children... but let's just imagine that I'd want to have children and giving a birth myself would be the only possible way to make that happen, I still would never do it!
Someone already said this, but I've already found myself thinking that "wow, who would do this?" but that's not how I think nowadays. Nowadays I can really appreciate them and their bravery, they don't just care about what other people have to say, but they do what they feel is right! And that's the most important thing in life!
I already told you what is my personal response to this, but I'm going to explain it a little bit... If I was to be pregnant, I don't think I could think about myself as a real man and giving a birth would lead me into many dysphoric nights... so, that's why I have to say no.