Hey guys,
This really confused me and I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel about this, but I was working away and a customer approached me and the convo pretty much went like this:
Customer: Have you ever seen Boys Don't Cry?
Me: (Turns around, confused for a second, but acted like it didn't phase me) Oh yeah, yeah saw it ages ago. It's a really sad movie.
Customer: Is it? Really? What happened to her? The girl?
Me: (Sorta got a feeling of how this will play out, but still acted like I wasn't phased). Oh, she got killed.
Customer: Really? By the men?
Me: Yeah.
Customer: Were they arrested?
Me: I dunno, can't remember...
Customer: S**t happens when you pretend to be a man.
Then the customer walks off. This kinda freaked me out. This is the first time he's talked to me, I generally look quite masculine but my voice and chest let me down most of the time. But like, what's creepin' me out is how he came up to me, mentioned a specific movie and then just walked off. I mean, I'm not too sure how to feel about it. Was it just coincidence, which to be honest I really feel like it was wayyy too specific for it to be a mere coincidence. Was it a threat? Does he know? Is the fact that I'm ftm obvious? The only people I'm out to is my ex, my mum and my doctor, so it's not like he heard through anyone.
What's your take on this guys? :S Is it stupid that I'm worrying about this? Needless to say, I walked home looking over my shoulder...
Jack
If you had his information from check out or something, I would have reported a potential threat from a customer to your manager. I don't know if you're stealth or if you're in a situation where you still look sort of ambiguous and hardly pass in real life yet (since you didn't say), but it may be helpful to at least notify someone of the conversation...because that does seem really weird. Personally, I wouldn't want my employer knowing I wasn't born male, but if it really bothers you that much, I would say something.
It sounds more than freaky, kind of like a veiled threat. Is there anyone you can tell? You could say something like "there's a guy that came in here -- looks like this-- and he kind of threatened me" (something on that order).
I don't think you are in any way overreacting.
--Jay Jay
That is NOT overreacting. You need to report this guy ASAP. That is a threat. There is no way of denying this. Why would any customer randomly mention this movie? And what are the chances that he just happens to tell a trans guy. You need to take the necessary precautions.
I definitely think that sounded like a veiled threat. Reading that creeped me the hell out. It is possible you could explain this to your boss without having to come out if you want to, because obviously this customer doesn't have any way of knowing for sure before he came up to you and made that assumption. But that definitely isn't an overreaction to be thinking about it this way. If that had happened to me I think I would be ->-bleeped-<-ting my pants right now. You should definitely tell someone, it is better to err on the side of caution with a situation like that. It wouldn't matter whether or not you were actually trans or were just a woman with a masculine presentation, the problem is he thinks so and went as far as to practically come out and say "watch your back, because that might happen to you."
That sounds extremely creepy and definitely like a threat. Way too specific to be anything else really. I mean, old movie, random stranger, not at all related to your work...I don't think it's stupid to worry about it. Personally, I'd tell my manager/supervisor about it and be more aware/alert when out alone (or even with others, honestly).
yes dude that sounds ->-bleeped-<-in creepy and it seems like a threat to me. i'm sorry people suck. just keep an eye out at work and be safe bro.
That was a straight threat. Does your store have camera surveillance ? If so can you tell your manager that you received a direct threat to your life and need to consult the police.
If you can I would also report the incident to the police.
Take care
Cindy
I don't know what else to add that the others haven't already said, but agreed - a definite threat in my opinion.
Not a threat, it was an insult. I take it as being phrased with you "pretending to be a man" as the subject rather than the part where "she got killed". The movie was just a convenient way to bring up the subject without relating it directly to you. That's how I interpret it, at least.
Also, if you report it to the police they can't do anything. Really he commented on the plot of a movie and did not relate it explicitly to you or threaten to take any action.
It was intimidation, pure and simple.
To add to what I said before, I just asked my friend who's a cop in California and he told me this:
"In order for something to be defined as a criminal threat, the following elements must apply. They have to threaten your life. You have to actually be fearful that they will in fact carry out this threat. The threat is specific, literal, and it was communicated directly to you. It HAS to include all of those, or else there is nothing that can be done."
Quote from: poptart on May 26, 2012, 07:46:38 AM
To add to what I said before, I just asked my friend who's a cop in California and he told me this:
"In order for something to be defined as a criminal threat, the following elements must apply. They have to threaten your life. You have to actually be fearful that they will in fact carry out this threat. The threat is specific, literal, and it was communicated directly to you. It HAS to include all of those, or else there is nothing that can be done."
It's funny you say this, because I was actually going to eventually if no one else did - because people kept saying to report to police and this is the precise reason I didn't suggest that. I've heard of more than a handful of scenarios where someone feels threatened, calls the police, and the police has said they can't help them because the person hasn't done anything to indicate they will go through with the threat and or the threat is too vague.
_Jack_
You're cute in your picture, it looks like a pass to me.
And yeah... that's pretty threat-y sounding.
Quote from: JasonRX on May 26, 2012, 08:25:58 AM
It's funny you say this, because I was actually going to eventually if no one else did - because people kept saying to report to police and this is the precise reason I didn't suggest that. I've heard of more than a handful of scenarios where someone feels threatened, calls the police, and the police has said they can't help them because the person hasn't done anything to indicate they will go through with the threat and or the threat is too vague.
Basically. I mean, suggesting that a character deserved to be killed is far from a crime.
Haha. That's actually a good way to threaten someone if I ever need to - make it as vague as possible. I'll have to remember this... :icon_twisted:
Wow.... I don't even know... That is really scary. I don't think there is anything you can do, from the sounds of it, it was just some random customer, They might never even see/talk to you again.
*huggles*
Holy ->-bleeped-<- dude just reading that freaked me out. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
That's a veiled threat. There may not be anything you can legally do to him, but I think your best bet is to bring attention to it, maybe get your manager involved if you're out with him or her and feel comfortable to. I think your best protection is for you to make it clear you interpreted as a threat, as intended, and if something did happen, eyes would be on him.
I definitely agree with what most people have said, it is not just a coincidental conversation. But I think it sounds more of intimidation than an actual threat (but who knows with people, ay?) I think he was probably trying to freak you out, which Im sure has done the trick. Im sure if you knew the guy, like if he was just some stupid nob you went to school with and you knew his threats were empty, then it wouldnt be as bad, but since its just some random stranger, and you have no idea who he is, but that hes guessed this personal part of your life, its creepy.
If anything, Id tell someone, just to make them aware of whats gone on, but not report it as a threat, as he didnt directly threaten you.
He was probably just some twat thinking hes funny.
Wow...that would freak me out. I think you should report him...chances are he wont do anything but still that's creepy.
Jesus, that is scary. What a douchebag. Definitely a threat. I'd file a report if I were you, just so you have a record of it.
Hi everyone,
Thanks for all of your replies and sorry for the late response, one word: exams lol.
The guy has actually been in two more times when I've been on shift, the second time he decided to approach me and say 'Boys don't cry, right?' and the third time he saw me walking across the shopfloor and walked backwards into me. So, I think he has 'his eyes on me' in a way, well, it feels like that anyway :(
I'm not completely out at work, I was to one manager but she has since left, so I'm in that period of time where I'm trying to make a decision as to who is just as trustworthy, which is proving to be pretty difficult as only the crappy gossipmill managers are left. I never wanted to be out to anyone at work, infact I initially thought I'd never be able to transition whilst being employed because the workplace is full of bigots and since this incident I feel the need to get out of there. I will talk to someone about it on my next shift and see what happens, I'm worried that I'm going to sound so stupid and they won't take me seriously, but at the end of the day, no one can really take this risk of not reporting it.
Thanks again for all of your support and advice, I'll be sure to let you all know how things go after I report the incident to management.
Jack
Be careful, Jack. Not to be super paranoid, but do be careful & prepared to physically protect yourself if you have to. People can be ->-bleeped-<-ing crazy. xo
Seriously..that sh*t is ->-bleeped-<-ing creepy. Please do talk to someone, even if you think it sounds dumb. It's clearly a problem and NOT stupid. Please be safe and take care of yourself.
Quote from: _Jack_ on May 29, 2012, 01:15:00 PM
Hi everyone,
Thanks for all of your replies and sorry for the late response, one word: exams lol.
The guy has actually been in two more times when I've been on shift, the second time he decided to approach me and say 'Boys don't cry, right?' and the third time he saw me walking across the shopfloor and walked backwards into me. So, I think he has 'his eyes on me' in a way, well, it feels like that anyway :(
I'm not completely out at work, I was to one manager but she has since left, so I'm in that period of time where I'm trying to make a decision as to who is just as trustworthy, which is proving to be pretty difficult as only the crappy gossipmill managers are left. I never wanted to be out to anyone at work, infact I initially thought I'd never be able to transition whilst being employed because the workplace is full of bigots and since this incident I feel the need to get out of there. I will talk to someone about it on my next shift and see what happens, I'm worried that I'm going to sound so stupid and they won't take me seriously, but at the end of the day, no one can really take this risk of not reporting it.
Thanks again for all of your support and advice, I'll be sure to let you all know how things go after I report the incident to management.
Jack
Sorry Jack,
That is worse and not wanting to freak you he has legally assaulted you by deliberately bumping into you and repeating a comment that can only be seen as a threat.
I presume you are in the USA, I'm in Australia. So I don't know where you are or how gender friendly they are. I know I can walk into a Police station and report that I'm in fear of a hate crime and I would be taken seriously.
To be clear, unless you live in deep south homophobic hell, I would go to a Police Station and ask to talk to someone about a sexual threat you have received. And tell them. You can ask, our at least I can, ask to talk to someone who is OK with a potential hate crime against a transgendered person.
This is not normal behaviour, this is aggressive and nasty. He is the one out of line and he is a threat. Please take this seriously.
No need to answer this, but think.
Do you live alone, do you with a boy or girlfriend? Can they collect you in a car or be with you. Maybe people you work with can be with you to public transport.
I would be very careful.
Sorry I really don't want to spook you, but I don't want you hurt.
Cindy
So basically, this guy(Tool would be better description I think) has made two references to the "Boys don't cry" movie and intentionally bumped into you? Depending on where you work, that would most definitely be a violation of most workplace harassment policies(Even him being a customer).
Whatever you do as far as telling your employer, be sure to watch yourself. I don't want to say be freaked out and stressing yourself to death, but just be careful.
I'm sure this is at the very least harassment. To repeat what others have said, make sure someone knows that way if, God forbid, something happens, they authorities will have an idea of who could be responsible.
Yes, they won't consider it a threat, and charges won't be pressed, but just so someone knows.
I've had similar things happen at work, but never said anything because the individuals in question didn't persist.
This guy however, is continuing to harass you, and it would be best to let as many people as possible know what's going on.
Personally, I would've reacted in a much more hostile manner, which probably isn't the best idea, but yeah.
This week on Geek TV: Attack of the Necromancers! The Dead walk again!
:P
Quote from: Kelly J. P. on June 17, 2012, 01:26:12 AM
This week on Geek TV: Attack of the Necromancers! The Dead walk again!
:P
It's only from a few weeks ago.
Hey everyone,
A general update on the situation: I have been watching my back alot more, surrounding myself with people, etc. But in all honesty, since he backed into me, he hasn't approached me again, he's went around the store without me noticing and I only see him at the checkouts now. Which is great, but I don't think I'm going to be able to let my guard down, the whole situation was just...well, freaky. As for letting people know, people don't appear to give a damn about it, but at least they know. Hopefully, this situation will keep dying down and I won't have to deal with him again. Man, the crap we all have to deal with just for being ourselves is immense :(
Thanks everyone!
Be aware and keep safe.
Glad to hear you're okay. I was beginning to worry about you (even checked your profile for the last time you were online). It's a good thing you told someone. Just be safe.
Im glad to hear hes not been bothering you anymore. Hopefully everything will completely die down with that now...
It is rediculous how much we have to go through just to live each day sometimes. theres a part of me always on guard just in case. but glad you are ok, hopefully it stays how its been
Jack, please talk to someone at your work. Your work is how you survive, where you have to be for X amount of time. It's a place you should never feel uncomfortable or insecure. Your safety (emotionally and physically) are the most important things. I would talk to a manager so when this douchetard comes in again, they can watch him. And then hopefully when they spot his inappropriate behavior, ban him/remove him.
The first time I read your post, I told my girlfriend and she said that was absolutely awful. NO one should have to be degraded for who they are. Not you, not anyone. Please do what you have to, for your safety and well being.
The part that stuck me was that you had to deal with them more than once makes it creepy to me. If it was just the one initial time i would have personally just shrugged it off. Had a somewhat similar convo with a creepy person downtown once but I never saw them again. Good luck and stay safe I guess thats all that is to be said since others already made some good comments.