Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I apologise we greet people and then we don't all ways see you again.

How can I change that?

Most of us, if in fact all of us, are very friendly and very inclusive but........

If you don't feel part of the group then you feel left out.

And I and we all know how that felt as we grew up.

So I want to change it.

This is a thread for newbies to get use to stuff.

There is nothing wrong in being a newbie. I was.

I love to meet people, I love to interact with people. I love people.

So feel free post away, any question will get an answer and any comment will be addressed.

I may even be able to guide you to part of the site that may interest you.

Nothing to be frightened about.

I'm Cindy James and I greet you.

Hugs Cindy

Thank you so much Cindy!

I'm new to the board, and while I'm not necessarily shy or reluctant to chime in, I've found it's good to listen for a while and get to know the group.  Each board is different, and there are so many people here and such a huge, rich collection of knowledge, experience and wisdom!  I'm finding this board to be thoughtful, well spoken and well informed.  I want to contribute, and will, it just takes me a while to find my bearings.

The one area of special interest to me is the idea of taking the "middle path".  I saw that in a post earlier today and this was the first time I've seen that reference.  It seems an intuitive phrase, but I'd like to know more about it and learn from others who successfully traveled that path.

I've always been a middle of the road kind of person, and in coming to terms with myself and my life, I realize and accept that it is unlikely I'll ever completely transition.  Now I'm trying to figure out where I fit in this new world, and how I can integrate the aspects of my two selves to coexist.

Recognizing and getting to know Danette is a wonderful experience.  I don't want to ever hide her again.  My wife likes many of the aspects she brings to our relationship.  But I'm on a steep learning curve, and many times I find my feelings about my male life in conflict with how I now identify.  So, I guess I'm in search of mentors and role models.  Sounds kind of silly coming from someone nearly 60 years old, but in this area, I might as well be a 'tween, I feel that awkward and lost sometimes.

Thanks again

Danette

Hi Danette,

You raise some very good points and I'm overjoyed  that your wife is supporting you.

I'm not too sure what the middle path is. I know there are many MtF who decide not to have surgery to construct a vagina, some have an orchie and no reconstruction, some have neither. There are many factors.

Age, health, finances, relationships are all important. You may find your wife is OK with you presenting as a woman but being castrated and rebuilt may be too much. Again this can be an age thing. Younger couples may have more problems in this than older.

I decided that I would openly present as me. It took some time. I joined Sue's in late 2008 as a scared little rat.

I'm now out full time and never been happier. This from a person who was so terrified to get her ears pierced in case she got fired and who now walks around and presents totally female in the same job I have had for 30 yrs.

No stealth for me :laugh:

So I think you really need to keep your plan fluid. Things do change and as you become comfortable with one aspect of life others open up.

I remember the first time I went out in public and actually went to a hotel. I was so scared. I don't even think about it know.  The liberation was so great that after a few outings there was no way I could go back.

This is a blessing and a danger.

At some point there is no going back. Once a person knows about you it is over. Once you have revealed yourself to friends, colleagues whatever. It is over. There is no going back. You may not want to, I certainly have had no regrets; except for not coming out sooner.

I also have no great problem with coexistence, as I came out Cindy very, very quickly became the dominant person in my make-up. I have never felt a dual personality. Once I 'allowed' Cindy out she was there and ready and happy and everything that P never was.

The effect on people who knew me was stunning. They saw and commented on a personality change that stunned them. I went from moody to happy, even before I started to present as Cindy. Just from accepting me.

P had real difficulties in being popular and having friends. For whatever reason Cindy is outgoing and popular and has no problems in talking to people and enjoying herself. P was a miserable little sod who jumped at shadows and didn't have a friend in the world.

So I suddenly had a social life. I'm invited to dinner parties, I'm asked out for drinks, I'm asked out to see a movie. It is wonderful!

But I had to get used to it.

Again there are dangers here for your family relationship. Can your spouse take changes in you? You need to think these things through. Discussion is of course totally important, but if you can get your spouse to attend therapy sessions with you that may also help.

You do need a therapist. In Australia they are all Psychiatrists, they assess if we have any underlying mental problems and deal with them as needed.

A good therapist is gold.

Here,  my therapist specialises in sexual 'problems' so he is very experienced. We have a marvellous relationship, and to be honest I think we both enjoy our sessions as we have a lot of laughs.

So you need to have a think about where you want to go. But as I said keep it fluid, life changes; don't we know it :laugh:

Is sixty too old to face all of this?

I'm 60 on the 1st Jan 2013.

BTW I  talk to lots of people about all sorts.

I'm always here for you, and your spouse, as well.

Hugs Danette

Cindy

Congratulations on such an initiative as this one Cindy           (You deserve a good flogging for it)
Susan's can be an overwhelming site first up, and what you've started is fabulous. So I'm not sure whether I'm trespassing or not.            (tough luck if I am )

Danette, I'd agree with what Cindy has said about keeping fluid. Transition is basically an evolution, and thoughts' feelings, pinions, perceived principles can change dramatically along the way. Coming out to my immediate family, took me to an all together new level of understanding. Fortunately most of it has been based on the substantial research I've done over the years on the who, how, why and what I am.

I suspect there will be other defining moments along the way that will further deepen and develop those concepts. It's a matter of being aware of them and working with them to maximise their benefit in defining the richness of my total personality as Catherine.

You are doing well and I congratulate you on the marvelous effort you are doing with respects to your near and dear relationships. SO's are such an important part of one's journey.

Keep in touch, and be safe, well and happy

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Thank you both!

Your experience and perspective is so helpful.  It's nice to have the view from further down the road.  I'm not sure what expectations I have, I'm sort of living in the moment right now, taking care of the most immediate things - like understanding all this.

I have a wonderful counselor, someone I've been seeing for the past 8 years, so she knows me well.  My wife and I are seeing a couples counselor as well, and today my wife had her first appointment with her own counselor.  It is becoming easier for us to talk about this, all that it means and doesn't mean.  We have good times and not so good times, though the good times are the norm and so far, we've worked through the bad times successfully.

My wife is helpful with my efforts to dress appropriately - age and situation, we help each other with makeup, and shopping together is an entirely new couples activity for us.

I don't think either of us have specific expectation for the longer term, too soon for me to know what I want, and to be able to put it in context with our life together, family, community, etc.  So MANY things to think about.

I have changed.  The sense of incompleteness and sadness that has been present my entire life is lifting every day, replaced by a curious and very unfamiliar feeling of wholeness.  The irritability that my family tip-toed around is so infrequent now that they are beginning to relax.  I prefer to help my wife with household chores now where I avoided the same in the past.  I still have times of the old familiar depression, except now I know where it comes from and it doesn't frighten me as much.

While I'm learning so many new things, I'm also working to unlearn old behaviors and patterns of thinking.

The elephant in the room right now is if, when and how to come out to our two adult children.  IF is yet to be answered.

I've never been one to make hard and fast plans about things where there was much I didn't or couldn't control - I guess I've always been fluid in managing my life.  As a career military member, you learn to plan for the best, expect the worst, and prepare for anything - no battle plan survives first contact with the enemy.

I've been out in public dressed and found it incredibly freeing and exhilarating, yet strangely calming, normal and a complete absence of anxiety - which really surprised me!  And no, I'm not deluding myself by thinking I passed.  But I also didn't seem to draw any attention, and I was watching for it.  I exchanged purchases, shopped, had lunch, all in all, a great couple of hours.  The retail shop people were so professional and completely respectful, they gave no indication that anything was out of the ordinary.  If other shoppers noticed, they certainly were not overt in their recognition.  And all this in one of the reddest of the red states.

Plan for the future?  Take it as it comes, pursue my changes thoughtfully, mindful of the impact on my loved ones, and not to hurry.  I'm 58, and I want to enjoy the rest of my life however it plays out.

What I think I know now:

I don't want to, and can't go back.
Surgical transition is not in the cards, hormonal very unlikely.
I would like to open to those most close to me and my family - a possibility with time.
I would like to live part time as Danette - maybe, but remote.
I will continue to express my correct gender as often as safe and prudent to do so.
I've come a long way in five months, but there's a lifetime of denial and repression to overcome.
Writing like this is a major outlet for me, thanks to anyone that takes the time to read.
I want to be the most ordinary woman I can be, and the most extraordinary human possible.
It'll be interesting to read this in six months and see what's changed.

Thank you for listening

Danette

I forgot - now it's time for the rest of us Newbies to chime in!

Danette

Hi My name is Danielle i am a transgenderaholic. I know i am addicted to these people places and things. I have tried and tried to let go and let God but i found my life to be hopless without staying connected to other trans people. I am working on my twelve steps one day at a time. Hugs not rugs
Keep coming back .. it works if you work it

Thanks Danette,
For such a comprehensive update on your thoughts and feelings. I certainly wish you both well as you travel this most unusual but unique path.

Everything that is happening to you on your outward sojourns, sound just so normal. The peace and tranquility you experience, just being you is beyond understanding to most, but oh so soul regenerating.

Life throws interesting rainbow of light on things, once the genie is out of the bottle, never to return. Hopefully your children will be understanding of your current situation. I know my 25 yo just told me to, "get with it Dad, get rid of your 1950's thinking, this is 2012." Amazing.

Keep doing what you're doing. It's all going well for you. Special thoughts to your wife, it can't be easy on them.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Thank you for having me.

I have been staring at this post for over a week now.  Starting, stopping, typing, then deleting.  Not knowing what to say or how to introduce myself with a modicum of tack and without going into a big sob story rant.

My story is not unlike most that I have read in the interweb-verse.  My time to this point in life has not been a blast.  Sure there have been good times, life does not completely suck, but as more time passes things seem to be slipping away.  I have the prerequisite depression.  After an incident a few years ago a counselor pretty much determined that I have been suffering with depression since puberty.  I have to admit that I am not an easy person to be around.  Whenever I meet new people and start to develop a friendship I will inevitably pull them aside and tell them that I am a hard person to know and being around my mood swings is not pretty.

On of my biggest issues, in my eyes anyway, is the fact that I do not know how to perceive myself.  Here is what I mean:  When you look into a mirror, what do you see?  You may like your reflection or loathe that image.  For me I don't know what I see.  Throughout my everyday travels it seems like I am floating above myself, watching my very own Truman Show, from a seat in the balcony.  What that has to do with TGness, I don't know, but it could be a symptom.

So, how did I end up here?  Like I said my story mirrors may of your own.  Tiptoeing into my mothers room to steal a pair of pantyhose...yadda, yadda, yadda...I became a cross dresser.  My first...um...incident of manhood took place in a pair of navy blue pantyhose.  I would often take rain checks on gatherings with friends because I knew they would be out and that gave me an evening to dress in private.  In college, the booze got a hold of me and I drank myself into oblivion with fear of meeting a girl and having he discover my little peccadillo.  Once out of college I lost touch with most of my friends through avoidance because of what was swirling around in my head.  The couple that I do still have are blissfully in the dark.

So what changed?  Hell if I know!  I have always read various CD and TG forums because CDing was my hobby and who doesn't keep up with what's new.  I happened on a couple blogs and their life stories hit a little to close to home.  As in that could be me, word for word.  ...and I got scared.  I found myself going from reading the cross dressing tale and pictures to immersing myself in the transgender postings.  There was a crack of thunder as I realized what has been going on all these years...and I don't know how to proceed next.

I am absolutely terrified of what will happen next.  Am I to old (37), am I to muscular (college soccer goalkeeper), and I too tall (6'1"), am I to fat now (maybe I will keep this one to myself), am I to poor (our of work for...god...three years now).

I have seen some amazing pictures in the MTF Before and After thread.  And I have grown to admire Vanna's beauty and intellect, Tazia's absolute adorableness, Cadence's ocean blue eyes, and Natalie's expressive face.  If that were what the crystal ball would show, I would jump in with both feet.

Who do I call on for mentorship?
What do I do with this enlightenment?
When do I start?
Where do I go from here?
Why, Why, Why?

I await, with baited breath, for any words of wisdom from my new community.

Dear Cindy James if we were once a Newbie and we did not post for a while then we get reinitialized.  Can you connect old userid to new one.  I want to read how my opinion have changed over years.

Thanks for saying hi to newbies.

Wendy

I don't know about the rest of you, but I constantly end up returning over and over to being a 'newbie' just in some other step I hadn't reached yet where I feel awkward and uncertain all over again. The first time reading the forum, writing on the forum, buying jeans, growing hair out and searching for the right hairstyle and hairstylist (if only it would grow faster so I could actually do this...), I'm guess I might just have to figure out make-up. So, if it is any consolation to those just starting, I think many of us make little unsettling discoveries throughout transition. Most of us are pretty nice as a result as there always seems like something still unknown around the corner. So, I'm not brand new but I feel like it sometimes!!! But I'm hardly experienced either...

Regardless, keep on smiling. Hugs to you all (new and old).

Quote from: wendy on June 24, 2012, 06:38:32 PM
Dear Cindy James if we were once a Newbie and we did not post for a wile we were reinitialized.  Can you connect old userid to new one.  I want to read how my opinion have changed over years.

Thanks for saying hi to newbies.

Wendy

Hi Wendy,

Of course you can.

This thread is for everyone who wants to establish some contact and is not sure how to do it.

I'm sort of friendly and I know what it is to be lonely and the other girls want to be friends too.
Cindy

Hi Sara murphy

Who do I call on for mentorship?
What do I do with this enlightenment?
When do I start?
Where do I go from here?
Why, Why, Why?

I await, with baited breath, for any words of wisdom from my new community.

I think we mentor each other, there are no experts in this, we face our paths and walk them. I think starting is probably the hardest and easiest to do.

It is hard because we throw away our life line. Our so called grasp of being accepted as a 'normal' guy.

BTW I'm talking about MtF, but the same comments apply to my brothers, I'm not ignoring you :-*.

It is the easiest because once we have done that we can move forward.

I was totally terified of coming out of my shell, and have been totally shell shocked in how easy it has been. OK I have developed survival skills.  'I don't give a ->-bleeped-<-' (IDGAS). Is very important as it carries you through every day and every encounter. It gives you the strength and confidence to face people and really not care what they think. It gives you the strength to be you.

As hormones have not done a lot to me, I present as female with a rather male body. Yes I can wear makeup and wigs and look quite good, but I don't want to do that all the time, or at work. So I present as me.  A rather male looking woman with big ear rings, nail extensions, female clothing suitable for my age and status at work and not giving a damn what people think.  I didn't announce anything I just did it. Later on people asked why I was looking so 'bohemian' , loved that :laugh:. I then told them I was TG and having a sex change and let me know if they had a problem. They didn't. If anyone has they haven't told me. If they did IDGAS. It's my life not theirs. They can drink, eat, smoke, drug themselves to death. I don't care. But I care about me.

Once you reach that point it is all downhill in a really nice way.

You do have to get used to things. Woman talk to each other, so you get your nails done, guess what you will be talking about your clothes where you are going out to, etc etc.
Get your hair done, the same, buying stuff, the same. Enjoy it. It is you.

Where do you go? Again it is up to you. In Australia if you want medical treatment for TG you have to see a psychiatrist for a minimum of 6 sessions. If you are OK as far as they judge you are passed on to an endocrinologist for HRT. After 12months of RLE you can have surgery after another assessment.

But there is no pressure and no demand. If you want to wear female clothing and live your life do so. If you don't want hormones and or surgery don't have them.

It is your life.

Why Why Why?

Goddess knows. I didn't choose to be this way. Like many MtF I tried very hard to be a man.  I failed. Why? Because I'm not a man, I'm a woman.

And believe it or not once I accepted that I am a woman, life got easier and a whole lot of fun.

I love my life.

Cindy

Quote from: grrl1nside on June 24, 2012, 07:34:48 PM
I don't know about the rest of you, but I constantly end up returning over and over to being a 'newbie' just in some other step I hadn't reached yet where I feel awkward and uncertain all over again. The first time reading the forum, writing on the forum, buying jeans, growing hair out and searching for the right hairstyle and hairstylist (if only it would grow faster so I could actually do this...), I'm guess I might just have to figure out make-up. So, if it is any consolation to those just starting, I think many of us make little unsettling discoveries throughout transition. Most of us are pretty nice as a result as there always seems like something still unknown around the corner. So, I'm not brand new but I feel like it sometimes!!! But I'm hardly experienced either...

Regardless, keep on smiling. Hugs to you all (new and old).

Hi Sis,

Yes we do keep re inventing and sometimes scaring our selves, but we are sisters so we can chat about things and enjoy them. Some of us have experience in different areas and I think that is why we need to learn from each other. I'm trying to find a hair dresser to work on me, it doesn't seem to be easy. But I will try a few today.

Hugs

Cindy

Hi Sara,

For a start. May I congratulate you on the good job you are doing so far. How you are handling all these new and 'strange' feelings and thoughts is quite an achievement. You need to be proud of yourself.

What's this I hear? You're ONLY 37 yo. Dear lawdy, you're a spring chicken, and you're only 6'1". I've seen a lot taller than that, and in cis young girls as well. A Yr 12 high school student seen in the shopping centre, she would have had to be 6'3" at least. And her GF wasn't much shorter. Still taller than me at 5'9".

Time to start throwing away those old negative attitudes and take on some bright and positive ones, wouldn't go astray.

You asked:
Who do I call on for mentorship?
Start posting, and do exactly what you have done so descriptive well. You've shared a very import part of your life with us. Your thoughts and feelings, and you've had responses from that. This is the start of mentorship. You just being you, is where it starts, and grows from.

What do I do with this enlightenment?
Think about it. See what fits you. Start trusting your own feelings. You'll know what is right and wrong, what works and what doesn't, what feels right for you. Enlightenment is like putty. You need to work into your shape, so it works for YOU. What works for me, may not work for you, but if you twist it, it might. And just remember the old adage. If you don't use it, you'll lose it.

When do I start?
You already have. Just keep doing what you are doing. You're moving forward, just keep going that way. Trusting your feelings will guide you along the way. Sure a therapist from time to time may help, but there are no guarantees.

Where do I go from here?
Maybe a Transgender organisation close by. I'm not sure where you are, but look up your local community service organisations / public - mental health services, and look for a TG organisation that can give you an idea of the options that are available to you.

Why, Why, Why?
Don't bother wasting your time on this. Life is too short to matter. At the end of the day, who really cares. I wasted some time on the same subject, but quickly came to the realisation I had, don't, and most probably will never, have control over why. I didn't asked for it, nor did I choose it. I was just lucky enough to be born with it. And I'm so bloody glad I was.

Hope this helps in some way to clarify a lifting fog for you. Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. As far as I'm concerned you spent a good week on your post. Keep up the mighty work, it just gets better from here on in.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Thank you for your replies.  That post was expressed from such an emotion place, which is rare for me.  If was not that it teared up or anything, but it was the first time that I have ever expressed those thoughts outside of conversations (arguments) within my own head.  I had intended for it to not be the typical scripted statement, but I guess that is what the first time tends to be since we have all had those feeling within our little cult-da-sac of the neighborhood.

There does seem to be a weight, somewhat, moved off my shoulders.  For the first time in forever, it seems, I have not had those daily self destructive thoughts.  I am sure you know what I am talking about without me directly saying it.  I now have a small bit of direction.  Step one and a half here is come.   

Sara, I'm so proud of you.

Taking that first step is often the hardest thing you'll ever do. A rocket ship headed for outer space uses 85% of its fuel load before it even get off the launch pad. That remaining 15% takes it off the pad into outer space and back.

Bases on that fact, you are well on your way to achieving your hearts desire. I applaud you for taking a week to write it. That is the best week of your life so far. Just keep doing it, we'll keep listening. You'll be amazed at what you discover about yourself in doing it.

I'm really soooooo pleased it has turned you around. You have a beautiful heart, that needs to shine.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Great one Sara,

The steps may feel small but they are really giant strides. And every time we commit to something it gets easier.

Both Catherine Sarah and I really do know what you mean. We have come from the same place, we just picked up the pace a while back. And honestly it does get easier.  Case in point I'm having problems typing because I've had 1/2 inch nail extension put on. Just walked into the shop and had acrylics done in a beautiful bright fuchsia, just so they are easy to hide :laugh: .

No one batted an eye lid, well they did because the technician was really chatty, and the girl next to me was talking to me about what I was having and she was having. And there is NO way my voice passes. :laugh: :laugh:


But confidence Honey, Confidence.

Hugs

Cindy

Quote from: wendy on June 24, 2012, 06:38:32 PM
Dear Cindy James if we were once a Newbie and we did not post for a while then we get reinitialized.  Can you connect old userid to new one.  I want to read how my opinion have changed over years.

Thanks for saying hi to newbies.

Wendy

This question is more a technical one, right? About connecting your old name to your current one. I have no idea but the Forum Questions section might be a good place to start - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,95.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,95.0.html)

Quote from: Cindy James on June 27, 2012, 02:18:46 AM
had acrylics done in a beautiful bright fuchsia, just so they are easy to hide :laugh: .

Pictures please!!

Ta

Catherine

http://i1240.photobucket.com/albums/gg499/8295/th_IMG_0829.jpg (http://i1240.photobucket.com/albums/gg499/8295/th_IMG_0829.jpg)

Da da de Da da

They are gorgeous.

If you think getting you ears done was fun. This was total fun.

Really enjoyed it. The woman next to me asked why I had't had a pedicure as well. So we compared notes.

Really nice, get your nails done and learn to type with 1/2 inch nails.

AWESOME

I won't go into other advantages :embarrassed:

Quote from: Cindy James on June 27, 2012, 06:43:35 AM
http://i1240.photobucket.com/albums/gg499/8295/th_IMG_0829.jpg (http://i1240.photobucket.com/albums/gg499/8295/th_IMG_0829.jpg)

WOW Sis. There ARE gorgeous. Just don't put your hand out the car window to signal a turn. You'll stop all the traffic.

Quote from: Cindy James on June 27, 2012, 06:43:35 AM
If you think getting you ears done was fun. This was total fun.

Still waiting for the "Rite of Passage" for the ears.  ;D  As Melody once said, You'll know when the time is right."

Quote from: Cindy James on June 27, 2012, 06:43:35 AM
Really nice, get your nails done and learn to type with 1/2 inch nails.

With 1/2 inch nails, I think I'd drag out the old Dragon Dictate and not risk the nails   :laugh:

Quote from: Cindy James on June 27, 2012, 06:43:35 AM
I won't go into other advantages :embarrassed:

What? Picking your nose? Can you get in further? WOW! Never thought of it.     ;D  :laugh:  :icon_clap:

Enjoy and have fun.

Huggs
Catherine

You are a rude person, I was referring to scratching my bum

Hi *waves*

I like stuff

Hi
Have you ever read a thread that you just knew was going to be a favorite?  Well, this is one. I will try to post later next week as time allows. Until then...

Gee whizz

I didn't think "Picking Your Nose" had such a following.

Must be some sort of sub culture. Is it?

Next week when I get caught in that usual peak hour parking lot, in some countries they call them expressways. They're parking lots here in Oz. I must carefully look around and see how many people are idley passing their time, picking there nose.

Well after all, it's winter now. Plenty of colds going about.

Do you pick your nose Lisa?

Cindy doesn't, though I believe she is a closet nose picker. Quite prepared to scratch her bum in public, but the nose picking must be quite a private affair.  Oh well, each to their own.

Huggs
Catherine

Late posting:

Lawdy Doo Dee. There is a social norm of EPIC proportions sweeping our culture, our society and the foreshores of our land.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,122369.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,122369.0.html)

Rally today to wipe this blight from our Forefathers foundings. Where ever and whatever that is.

Huggs
Catherine

Hey, all. I'm new here, and I suppose I'm MtX, or perhaps male-to-different male, as I have lower dysphoria, and only lower dysphoria.

Hi Guys,

Welcome again. I know Metal Stuart is an Aussie how about you Elusive, where are from?

And there are lots of cool guys at Susan's again with a wide range of ages, interests and locations.

There are several male Mods and they tend to Mod the guys areas while the females look after the female areas, but we can and do see all of the posts. But if you want to report something to male mod you can look them up on the staff list and pm them directly. But if you see posts that ar a conflict just report them to the Moderation report and whoever is online will deal with it.

I'm from Northern California-- the Bay Area, specifically.

San Fran?

I've been to SF twice and really liked it. I also managed to visit Yosemite and looked a few of the national parks. But the biggest laugh was Vegas. I couldn't believe the place.

I'd love to go to vegas

I'm pretty much in the South Bay, but I go to SF every once in a while, and I go to school up in Berkeley. I'm out for summer for the time being, though, which is good; I was feeling a bit burned out, so I think a momentary break is well-deserved.

My concern of the day:

Is having a good male and or female role model important in your kids life?   Is it overrated?  Is being a good parent and Trans better?  Worse?  Same? 
Anyone got suggestions on how to be a positive male role model for children while being a MtF ?   Even a stealthy MtF?  Am I too old fashioned or just full of crap?

Does this make sense?  If so, I would love to read your thoughts 

I have no real idea. There are many reports that same sex couples have very normal children with good upbringing and are well rounded and marvellous people. There are plentiful examples of 'traditional' nuclear families who bring up sociopathic brats.

Children, in purely my opinion, and I have no children, respond to love, boundaries and care. They need to be encouraged to be themselves while being respectful of others. To learn what is correct behaviour and what is not. To learn what love and respect is while also learning to be confident and outgoing.

I do think children need models for this but I also believe that the sexuality and gender of that model has little relevance.

JMO

Thanks Cindy. We all know there are no correct answers.  I enjoy hearing your viewpoint. Thanks again.

Quote from: Cindy James on July 03, 2012, 03:28:50 AM
Children, in purely my opinion, and I have no children, respond to love, boundaries and care. They need to be encouraged to be themselves while being respectful of others. To learn what is correct behaviour and what is not. To learn what love and respect is while also learning to be confident and outgoing.

I do think children need models for this but I also believe that the sexuality and gender of that model has little relevance.

JMO

Hi Lisa,

Being a parent myself, first and foremost, I would have to reiterate exactly what Cindy has said. Particularly with respects to the subject matter;Role Models" is beyond sexuality and gender.

Love, care, boundaries, encouragement, respect, appropriate behaviour and confidence can all be given to children, by those most experienced in it. Some attitudes  I see in children today indicates to me, their parents are in need more of this role model training than the children themselves.

I feel very confident, from your experiences in your own journey, you, are more than ably confident in teaching children these values. You, have succeeded, where others have failed. For you to be where you are today, you need to give youself a lot of credit.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

My experience as someone who has pieces on both sides of the gender divide has been that it helps me understand both my son and my daughter, and makes me a better parent.

That being said the most important attribute to a good parent, is caring. Lisa, it sounds like you have a lot of that. Good luck.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I so appreciate reading them. This is a wonderful place because of its brilliant members.  Thanks again everyone.  :)

I have been recently enjoying some of the transgender podcasts available on itunes. Anyone else listen to these podcasts?  If so, which are your favorites? 

Quote from: agfrommd on July 03, 2012, 09:49:59 AM
My experience as someone who has pieces on both sides of the gender divide has been that it helps me understand both my son and my daughter, and makes me a better parent.

That being said the most important attribute to a good parent, is caring. Lisa, it sounds like you have a lot of that. Good luck.

That is just SOOOOOO right. This beautiful position some of us experience in being on both sides of the divide, I believe is so mandatory for couples to experience this phenomena. Even the opportunity for the average 'bloke' to live life as a woman for a week should be mandatory so they can have first hand experience of the discrimination, fear and other debilitating aspects of women in society.

In the last 6 months I've been followed down inner city street by men in cars, and I've been followed for several kilometres by young "tradies" wanting to 'ogle' at me. Sometimes a woman can feel very threatened by these senseless activities.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Thanks Catherine. Love the new avatar photo.

You are looking great Catherine

Quote from: Simply Lisa on July 06, 2012, 09:24:44 PM
Thanks Catherine. Love the new avatar photo.

Quote from: Cindy James on July 07, 2012, 02:29:48 AM
You are looking great Catherine

  :embarrassed:  * BLUSH *    :embarrassed:

Thank you Ladies. I thought it time that the fuzzy old one be retired. Afterall I have to do something with my new Photobucket thingy.

Huggs
Catherine

Hello Cindy :)

Just joined this forum but have been struggling with being TG all my life.  I do go out as Josie when I can, but my life situation will require me to "pilot the vessel I've been given".

Looking forward to getting to know everyone :)

Hi Josie,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family if we haven't already. I'm Cindy's alter ego. You know the better one.  :laugh:

Quote from: Josie M on July 10, 2012, 09:31:20 PM
but my life situation will require me to "pilot the vessel I've been given".

Hope you have a good team aboard the vessel, as you'll be sailing "uncharted waters" like the rest of us. And without a good crew aboard you stand the chances of running aground. A good medical team of professionals is essential, if not mandatory, plus a healthy swag of real life and on-line friends.

Hope you enjoy your journey, and keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Quote from: Josie M on July 10, 2012, 09:31:20 PM
Hello Cindy :)

Just joined this forum but have been struggling with being TG all my life.  I do go out as Josie when I can, but my life situation will require me to "pilot the vessel I've been given".

Looking forward to getting to know everyone :)

Hi Josie,

There are all ways to go forward even if they are small ones. Everyone's situation is different and that is why we are here, to help each other.

There is no race and no competition in tackling our problems and you may be surprised how far you travel once you get support and read and learn from others.

There was no way I was ever going to transition just three years ago. It was too much, I'd lose my job, my family etc. I haven't lost anything. I'm now full time, work has been fine I have more friends than ever, including some very peculiar ones in Sydney :laugh:, my Mrs Hyde as it were.

So never say never, just be comfortable and when you want to chat about specifics bring them up at anytime.

Hugs

Cindy

Hi Cindy. My name is Allie, and I just joined. I transitioned 17 years ago, but have never really interacted with the Transgender community. I'm looking forward to making new friends.

Hi,

My name is Sara, and I just found this community and am hoping to get more advice and contribute where I can.

Hi I am new here and am looking for support advise and friendship. I am 29 and FtM about to have my top surgery.   i spent the first 4 years of my transition living alone but i now live with a couple who consider me the son they never had.  they are awesome people and a great support. 

Hi People,

Sorry I haven't been checking this thread as often as I was. Make sure to post in the introduction section as well so more people can greet you.

But join on in and view all the posts. There are lots of people here from all over, al with different perspectives and life stories. So join on in

Hugs

Cindy

Hello, writing here to say Im new or semi new and to raise my post count to get a avatar ;D

Hi! I'm Hazel. I pretty much identify as androgynous. I think I need to see a gender therapist because I'm starting to have moments of dysphoria, particularly with my breasts and my *ahem* lady parts. The only problem is that I don't know if my college has anybody experienced enough in non-binary genders to help me. And my sister's therapist is in my hometown, which is a bit far away. I feel like I should tell my parents soon, but it's just kinda awkward to say it and explain over the phone, much less in person.

Sorry for the sort of downer post. :)

what a lovely site. I look forward to reading all these threads. I feel brilliant today because according to this test I scored 72, meaning I am 72% female. This was an obvious question, at a wedding do  I Get drunk then cry or Cry then get drunk (lol)

Hi. I'm Ashley. I just signed up within the last hour. I've been fighting this urge, trying to suppress it my entire life. I've never gone out en femme entirely (usually just a pair of jeans here, shoes there, etc.). I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you and hopefully break out of my shell and finally start moving on being me.

Hi you all,

Please do post in the intro section as well as I don't monitor this thread that often.

But welcome and enjoy.

I was a very frightened little boy when I joined.

I'm nothing like that now :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I now frighten boys >:-), But then give thema hug.

Post away Hons.

Cindy

Hi Cindy,
I may have already posted, but here I am again.  Not sure what the tags are for.  I thought I'd share a little about myself and my journey. 
My journey began, so far as memory serves, about 62 years ago when I was four or five.  Perhaps unlike other TG people, I remember very clearly the moment when I realized my desires.  My father and I were taking a walk up the block to Hillside Ave in Queens.  We turned right at the corner, then my father said to me "I understand you've been playing with yourself down there.  Better stop, or you'll turn into a girl." 
At that moment several things happened at once.  I knew my aunt had been talking to him, so apparently (my memory of this is vague) she had caught me fingering myself.  I promised my father I would stop, but lied and knew I was lying.  I acquired a secret, which Jung said was important to acquire at a young age.  My father and I would never again be completely open with each other.  But most of all, I was enflamed with desire and hid it as embarrassment.  Right then and there, I became determined to continue wanking so I would become a girl.  This has never worked, of course; but I did become a girl on the inside.
The funny thing after this is, I started attracting to myself people, comic books, and situations which fed this all-consuming fetish, if that is what it was.  And my aunt, it turned out, was a child molester whose aim was to produce just this slant in me.  I became her creature, and also, though inadvertently on his part, my father's creature.
Now I am taking Fenugreek seed , which promises to complete the transformation I have desired all my life, and which I have partly achieved at several times in the past. 
I find a great sense of peace and fulfillment now and a much friendlier feeling towards women.  Everything seems to have fallen into place.  This is obviously much more than a simple fetish.
End of my story.  Sorry to have talked on and on!

Brianna

Hi Brianna,

Welcome Honey, glad you are with us.

I'm not sure how successful the herbs are, you cannot get them in Australia, I'm on the 'mones and they certainly work very well, so it might be an idea to see a therapist and get onto them as well.

Hugs

Cindy

hiya all, mi first time on theez forums..nice 2 meet u all, i'm from australia & living it up in full femme..if u ever want someone to cyber pal with, contact me at msarrabellaamore@yahoo.com . i live in the tropics, am 43, alwaze femme when i'm alone[coz australia iz verrry full of gay hate unfortunately]..live on a boat & do a lot of bushwalking[some of it as femme, too!]. i also write poetry & do sum art from time 2 time...arrabella.amore

ohhh, yes & of course; ..butterflies r free, so 2 should we b.

arrabella.amore

Cindy, 

Thank you for the kind and warm opening. It's nice to feel as though I am welcome to any place where I may express my thoughts and feelings.

I am VERY new to the forum concept and have rejected it for many years. But, I feel it may be the only place to express myself and not feel like I have to justify or deny my feelings.

I am a professional man, single parent, friend, son, volunteer and coworker. I have a really good outward appearance of someone who works hard, cares for his family and lives a "NORMAL" life.  But, inside I struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have.

I am at the cusp of another reinvention of myself. Something I have done many times, as most people do throughout their lives. This time, it has a sexuality / relationship component I'm not prepared for and not sure how to handle. More than anything, I don't know where to turn to ask questions, listen (or read) to what others have to say or have been through.

Like everyone, I hate to be labeled. But I have come to the realization that I am truly different than most of my friends and family. This leaves me feeling isolated and a bit confused. Who do I talk to? How would I even broach the topic with someone?
Am I strange? Am I bad or wrong for having the thoughts and feeling I have? I don't mind being different. I just don't know what to do next or how to act on my thoughts, feelings and attractions.

I think, but I'm not sure, I may be questioning either my sexuality or who I may choose to partner with. I'm don't know what to do with this feeling. I've heard from others I "need a good counselor". I'm not ready for that yet.

Is it even appropriate to introduce such a topic, like this?

I'm rather confused..

Some guidance would be much appreciated.

Quote from: arrabella on November 21, 2012, 03:25:33 AM
coz australia iz verrry full of gay hate unfortunately

I don't know where you live, but I've never had any real issues in either Melbourne or Adelaide.. I've lived most of my life as a gay guy and can count on 1 hand the number of times I've had issues with hate. I certainly haven't had an issue since I went full time. Come to think of it, didn't have any issues when I lived in a country town in Vic either..

Quote from: quietnightlover on November 29, 2012, 11:59:49 PM
Cindy, 

Thank you for the kind and warm opening. It's nice to feel as though I am welcome to any place where I may express my thoughts and feelings.

I am VERY new to the forum concept and have rejected it for many years. But, I feel it may be the only place to express myself and not feel like I have to justify or deny my feelings.

I am a professional man, single parent, friend, son, volunteer and coworker. I have a really good outward appearance of someone who works hard, cares for his family and lives a "NORMAL" life.  But, inside I struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have.

I am at the cusp of another reinvention of myself. Something I have done many times, as most people do throughout their lives. This time, it has a sexuality / relationship component I'm not prepared for and not sure how to handle. More than anything, I don't know where to turn to ask questions, listen (or read) to what others have to say or have been through.

Like everyone, I hate to be labeled. But I have come to the realization that I am truly different than most of my friends and family. This leaves me feeling isolated and a bit confused. Who do I talk to? How would I even broach the topic with someone?
Am I strange? Am I bad or wrong for having the thoughts and feeling I have? I don't mind being different. I just don't know what to do next or how to act on my thoughts, feelings and attractions.

I think, but I'm not sure, I may be questioning either my sexuality or who I may choose to partner with. I'm don't know what to do with this feeling. I've heard from others I "need a good counselor". I'm not ready for that yet.

Is it even appropriate to introduce such a topic, like this?

I'm rather confused..

Some guidance would be much appreciated.

Hi and welcome. And there is def no need to feel as if you are welcome - you are very much welcome. I also know your feeling about forums, but this one is different. Qe are a rt site and that's what we do. Support each other.

And you will find many people here who have been through every type of change and problem.

So feelings and stuff.

It is very hard to broach sexual feelings, gender identity etc with people who know you are may not understand you. They know you as a facade rather than yourself. This is common to us all. When I came out and went full time people I had been working with for 30 years had to get used to the idea, and they did. To be honest I haven't had any problems with anyone. I'm as high profile as you can get and there is no way I can go stealth or hide. I'm me.

That said this is a very good place to talk about your feelings and please do so either in this thread or opening up in the main areas. Do go through past posts and the literature that is available here as it does contain useful stuff.

One of the biggest 'feas' people have when they start to face their gender issues is whether they are odd in some way. They are not and you are not.

The gender and sexual spectrum is enormous and within that there are many different feelings and concerns. Your thoughts and issues are perfectly normal. You may just nor be aware of what normal is. I'm a totally normal woman. OK I can't have children but many genetic woman cannot either. I really like being a woman, I'm very happy being a woman. I like dressing nicely I like how I'm treated I like how I'm involved in 'womanly' things. I was a very miserable and troubled man. I could never relate to being male and I found it extremely difficult to operate as a male in society.

Why? Because I'm female.

Once I accepted that life changed. People took notice of my changes within days. I was on medication for terrible depression. That's gone. I'm happy. And what is so funny is that I never knew what happiness was. Because I'd never been happy. Although I wasn't aware of it.

We do tend to have a bit of a catch cry of 'see a therapist', but I'm not convinced that is the place to start, unless you know what you want therapy for. I went to my therapist when I decided I was going to go and live as me. It is a requirement where I am Adelaide in South Australia, to see a therapist - a psychiatrist here- in order to get hormone treatment.

My therapist realised very quickly that my only psychological 'problem' was I was living as the wrong gender.  But many people do have issues that they need to address. Many of us have been raped or sexually assaulted and have long term problems getting over it. I had been raped but I had got my head around it and I do not have any problems with sexual relationships with guys (I'm heterosexual, I like guys). Many TG woman like woman and live in lesbian relationships, absolutely nothing wrong with that either. But that is a major role of the therapist to help us address such problems and to give advice and support when and if we decide to go FT. My therapist has a vast amount of experience with TG people and has lots of advice for issues that come up, such as name changes etc etc.

We also have many people who like to cross dress and not to take things further than that. Nothing wrong with that either. And again we have lots of advice on how to shop for clothes, make up etiquette  etc no matter where people fit.

So, I hope I haven't rabbited on too much. If you want to discuss particular issues talk away. And don't be frightened. There is nothing whatsoever to fear at Susan's, unless you break the rules which are under the announcement section and worth reading.

If you ever have a problem with posts, as in they upset you ir disturb you etc, don't respond to them report them to a Mod by hitting the button on the right of the posts. Sue pays her Mods vast amounts of nothing to do the modding so let us deal with the problems.

So ask away Honey

Hugs

Cindy

*Peeks in*

Hey everyone, I just signed on so I got that 'fresh car smell' to me right now. I guess this is the part in my introduction where I tell a little about myself?

I'm not like a number of transgenders who knew from an early age that I was destined to be a girl. I knew something was... off about me... but I couldn't find words to describe it, I remember when I was about four I had one of those Candy that had hearts on them and those funny sayings, I had one that had a broken heart on it and I told my mom 'this is how I feel' but when she asked why... I couldn't answer her. While I was growing up most of my play mates were girls and even when I was I was playing alone I was never afraid to play the female role in games... though teasing from the other kids made recoil into myself a fair amount and those genderly swapped roles were more reserved for my close friends of private play (as I was an only child in the country I was often alone for those sorts of things)

Fast forwards a few years and my pretend play was more... androgynous, I would often reserve the 'shapeshifters' to play and then usually stick to the feminine or female of the gender roles. Oh well... I guess I was only trying to fool myself in the end. XD
During my teenage years I was pretty volatile, I was often full of rage and kept to myself, a defense mechanism I had learned sense I was a small child. I had developed what I call 'The Void' inside of me, I was always empty inside, and even now I feel this Void that denies me happiness and tranquility. I have bouts of despair, even now, I have those moments where I'm so full to the brim with tears that its impossible for me to cry. I won't lie in saying that even now there are times when I seriously think of how to end my own existence. I keep grasping at hope though. Maybe subconsciously I know that there is something that will make me happy, something that will cause me to look back, shake my head with a smile and ask myself how the hell that I managed to go on living like that for so long?

About two years ago, I did something utterly and totally insane:
I found a place that was open minded, a mystical far away place where homosexuality and the Gender Outlaws were said to gather and live peacefully. I decided one day that I needed to come to the location that I live now and flee the homophobic Provence that I lived and came to that magical place where I could freely and comfortably explore my gender identity. I had one cousin in this area but no other family other than that, I had no friends and everything was fresh and new for what I'm hoping will be a better start to the rest of my life.
To make things even better for me, I have attended a Gender Journeys course at the local health center that is more or less the go to information providers for the major area that I live. I am now on a waiting list for Gender counseling which should be contacting me soon, and I'm lining all my little ducks in a row so that -if and when I decide to start transitioning- I can just ease into it and go slowly and comfortable should it come down to that.

I can't say for sure if I'm MtF, androgynous or some other combination of the seemingly infinite gender spectrum. I hope that I can get a clearer image as I progress on, both interacting with the comunity here and also talking to my gender councilor when I finally meet them.

Phew, I guess that would be my introduction... more information that your probably cared to know about me and more than likely don't care to know still. But these new introduction things always make me nervous. ^^;

Hi Everyone,
Well, here goes for starters.
 
I'm Sam a 38yr old CD and new to this and I have been playing for a good few years now and after having purging all my stuff in the past....... many times!
Now I have decided to move forward and be the real person inside "You ask how I know this" well let me tell you a little bit more about me.

I first started at a very young age aprox at the age of 6 and would always get caught with my cousins clothes and would go straight for them or would get here to swap with me while we played.
I then went throw teenage years still dressing and even had my own stuff, just panties and tights. This was on and off as i had a girlfriend and a few.
As I got into my 20's I was living with a partner who worked shift time, so I would dress up whenever I could, now this has went on for a long while and many relationships over many years.
I then thought I was Gay and messed up every relationship I got into with woman. I started using partners sex toy on myself and this made me more curious to what and who I am.

To date I have decided not to date anymore woman, as it's not fair on them or me and it's not who I am. I have always bought clothing etc, but always got a guilt trip and binned it. WHY WHY WHY?
I have never felt normal with others and worked and played in a very male macho society, I have climbed mountains, I do crazy jobs like Rigging and Scaffolding, to make me feel more like a REAL BLOKE to join the rest the group and that if you never went out shagging chicks, well you were regarded as queer.
  I always feel the odd one out "why I ask" Well,  that's because I would rather be at home dressed in a skirt and feel my bare shaved legs (with I get away with, road cycling) even at work........ So yes I'm Queer and have come to terms with who and what I am! 2013 will see me be more femine  and might even get the urge to have some real excitement for a change and even change jobs so I can be more Sam the Female who is the real me, well lets see, ah
I would love to here from others that can give me help and advice from make up to groups in my area.....Christchurch.

I would love to get out and meet others for coffee and chats or a night out, once i get myself sorted with make up and wigs etc

I would love to come up to Auckland for the Big gay out this 2013, so please if think you can offer a little help to a Gurl in need please contact me.

Well I'm pleased to be here and look forward to hearing from lots Gurls

Hope you are having a great day merry christmas


Sam xx

P,S After just reading this I do feel better within myself as it's the first time I have put down on Paper, If to say

Hi Sam,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Thank you for sharing this important part of your life with us. Just doing that is a big step on its own. Admitting who you are, to yourself is a major part of your journey, as well. Congratulations.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi Cindy, Bets here.
I have finally "signed up" with your forum and was very comforted by your message and some of the newbie posts that followed. Nice not feel all alone out here. Still scary but to know that there are a few late bloomers out there gives me hope in my late 50's. So much to do after starting and stoping for so many years. Hopefuly its never too late! Many thanks for being there.
Big hugs!

Hi Bets,

It is never too late until we are pushing up daisy's.

WElcome join in and tell us about yourself.

Post in the introduction area as well

Hugs

Cindy

Hi Cindy & friends,
Thanks for the welcome. i'm very new and confused a little here, but will be ok in a few days.
Have a wonderful day.

Howdy gang! I'm new here as well, and I'm still getting the hang of things, and working on my introductory post. I'm a not-yet-transitioning MTF, and like some others, I got a later start on realizing my identity, but I look forward to the journey!

Cybil, it took me more than a month to post an introduction!

Quote from: Rozelyn on December 13, 2012, 09:43:51 AM
*Peeks in*

Hey everyone, I just signed on so I got that 'fresh car smell' to me right now. I guess this is the part in my introduction where I tell a little about myself?

I'm not like a number of transgenders who knew from an early age that I was destined to be a girl. I knew something was... off about me... but I couldn't find words to describe it, I remember when I was about four I had one of those Candy that had hearts on them and those funny sayings, I had one that had a broken heart on it and I told my mom 'this is how I feel' but when she asked why... I couldn't answer her. While I was growing up most of my play mates were girls and even when I was I was playing alone I was never afraid to play the female role in games... though teasing from the other kids made recoil into myself a fair amount and those genderly swapped roles were more reserved for my close friends of private play (as I was an only child in the country I was often alone for those sorts of things)

SNIP

Rozelyn, the degree and severity of our dyphoria varies from individual to individual.  And we cope differently.  Just because you didn't understand what you felt, from a young age, does not negate your experience.

Welcome.  Here's a little gift for you ...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fphandroid.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F02%2Fcandyhearts.jpg&hash=c52a8ed03b3252ec35328a433b8a4cfc0fd00d14)

Quote from: Pleasingly Plump Jamie D on February 18, 2013, 11:56:47 AM
Cybil, it took me more than a month to post an introduction!

Thanks! You're absolutely right, it's not a race :) Like everything else I do when it comes to transitioning, I'm trying to take my time, and learn what I can from every experience, before each step.

Hey Cindy

I'm Lucy, 32 yearold MTF slowy coming to terms with which direction I need to be heading. It's been a messed up old life so far so Im hoping with a little help from these forums and my mothers blessing, I should have my life back on track.

Look forward to speaking to you all, and hopefully sharing my journey with you.

Lucy. x

Hello,
I am new here and was reading some of the posts and felt that I could share here.  I live in Massachusetts and I have searched for a therapist but all are filled up.  The only therapists available are guys and I can't speak to men about stuff like this.  I don't even have male friends because I do not understand or feel like I can relate.   I am sorry for being so wordy, I have no one to talk to about any of this. 
I am 45 and since I was real young I wanted to be a girl.  I was different than other guys and related to girls more than guys.   My sister and her female friends, cousin, other girls in the neighborhood and mom knew about it and were really cool with it.  None of the girls ever said anything and was really supportive.  Also, my mom let me be myself while in the house and allow me to dress anyway I wanted or act anyway, all were supportive. 
I lived in the south growing up and it was in the middle of the Bible belt.  Most anyone that was gay or transgender was beating up, so I kept it in.  While a teen, I did have a boyfriend from 15 to 17 and did experiment with boys from 12 to 18 or while growing up and it was wonderful.  When I turned 18, I got married for the first time and tried my best to put it behind me and hide.  Eventually, I did find a boyfriend again a couple years after I got married.  I wasn't looking, he was a patient at the hospital and one thing led to another and we started going out.  He was the first man that ever treated me like a woman.  He would take me to dinner, buy me cloths, hold hands, make love, and it felt or so wonderful.   He ended up accepting another job and moved away and I continued my marriage for another 5 years.  My ex and I finally broke up and I moved in by myself.   
The good thing about being by myself was I could dress any way I wanted and I did.  I did have relationships with men but mostly one night stands.  I eventually met my current wife and moved to Massachusetts and have 2 daughters.  I decided to hide who I was until a couple of years ago when I couldn't handle it anymore.   I was getting mad about everything and didn't know why until I was arguing with my wife and it came out that I want to be a woman and I love men.  Surprised she was supportive of me and ok with it.  Over the last couple of years she has bought me clothes, made jokes with me about different men and it made it ok.  She knows I want to become a woman and she is waiting for the day for me to come out and actually do it.   She knows about one of our friends Stephen that I have the biggest crush on and she makes jokes about it to me when he is around.  Sad thing is, women do not get me excited and when my wife and I are together, I have to think about Stephen or another man from my past, or a guy I may have seen but it's been that way from the time I was a teen until now. 
However she seems at times to get mad so I have backed off and went back in the closet.  I still wear the underwear and sports bra's under my clothes and still wished more than anything I had magic powers to make me into a woman even for 1 day. 
My wife says all the time, she is waiting for me to fully come out of the closet to everyone.  I come so close and stop because I have a daughter that is 14 and 12.  I think it would be selfish to ruin their life to make me who I should have been born as.    Every day, I look at pintrest and look at all the pretty clothes, lingerie, hair, shoes, and purses and day dream.    I am to old now at 45 to actually do the transition I think.   I just don't know what to do anymore...I am just lost and no one to talk to around here. 
thanks for listening and sorry again,
Tammy

Hi Tammy,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Thank you for sharing this important part of your life with us. I appreciate your honesty in being able to communicate your feelings. Your wife is right and for you to flourish and develop, you need to do the right thing by yourself. Sure it's hard when you have a family, but at the end of the day when the dust has settled, they will see your honesty and integrity are worthwhile characteristic.

One other very important observation you have had of yourself that may not be entirely correct. Age really has no bearing on your feelings, and at 45, would be an ideal time for you to start moving forward into a more authentic person. There are many here who are your senior and doing just that. Transitioning to a greater individual.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi guys/gals  Names is Anne i'm mtf and i'm still transitioning, but beside that all i have to say to those that are transitioning is to keep Fighting...and also love u guys!! ^_^

Hi everyone my names Charlie and I'm an mtf transgender teen:) I've just started blockers and yah... That's my life at the mo ;) also does this forum have an app/ is it possible to upload pictures from an iPod?
Thanks everyone :-)

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on November 30, 2012, 12:27:48 AM
I don't know where you live, but I've never had any real issues in either Melbourne or Adelaide.. I've lived most of my life as a gay guy and can count on 1 hand the number of times I've had issues with hate. I certainly haven't had an issue since I went full time. Come to think of it, didn't have any issues when I lived in a country town in Vic either..

I know this is odd n all... But what hair dye do you use for your hair?:D I've been looking for that colour for ages :D awesome style btw :)

Hi all, first post of (hopefully) many to come.

I'm a 40 sumthin' pre most everything, MtF transsexual (as my therapist and myself figure anyhow). Hailing from the West coast of Canada. Married happily and now that I'm out to my wife, doubly so. Somewhat strangely happy and supported by friends and allies. Hope to find a few here and maybe one day become one as well. Feel free to chat me up if you have any questions about being trans in Vancouver but please be aware I'm a huge newbie in nearly every aspect of transitioning. Which I'm doing my best to keep it light and enjoy the ride ~

P.S. ok, so then I find out there is an active member in this thread named Jamie as well (and a mod to boot  :police:). Please have mercy, this is a global handle I use on nearly every site  :D

Quote from: Charlied96 on April 05, 2013, 07:44:11 PM
I know this is odd n all... But what hair dye do you use for your hair?:D I've been looking for that colour for ages :D awesome style btw :)

I can't remember, that pic was taken in August last year and the pink only lasted about a week before I recoloured it.. I'll find out for you though. :)

Hi, this is Karla from Vermont... i live in the sticks, and wouldn't have it any other way :)  Vermont is where women, like ants, can carry twice our weight in firewood, and do many other traditionally male things better than most men.  I love dresses and silk stockings, but don't need them to feel female.

Intro and brief, scattered bio of a Newbie already posted at: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,138754.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,138754.0.html)... just thought i ought to say wat a great bunch of diverse, interesting, fascinating people you all are... I feel honoured to finally be here among you.

A lot of reading and learning to do, especially after coming out to my wife two days ago, and a lot of work.  I can't tell you how much it means to me to no longer be alone.  Tears coming as i write this...

Hugs,
Karla

Rozelyn,

You've described exactly how i was, until the male act began to break down over the last year.  Slowly, cautiously, the curtain began to shut on that play.  Two weeks ago, the house lights went down.

Walked away from caffeine a year ago, and if anything i learned how much chemistry can affect me.  How much more so, male hormones?

Have not restarted HRT yet... still looking for a friendly doctor/therapist in my remote area that is still taking patients... but i remember the effects of six months of HRT back in 1987... a tranquil space that I find myself back in, right now... with no Void.

There's a lot to be angry about in this man's world (i've always been radical that way).  But not so angry as to lose your cool.   Then you're no longer effective.  My plan is to find a better way.

Hugs,
Karla

Quote from: Rozelyn on December 13, 2012, 09:43:51 AM
I was often full of rage and kept to myself, a defense mechanism I had learned sense I was a small child. I had developed what I call 'The Void' inside of me, I was always empty inside...

Hiya,

I am very new to this. Well not to the idea, but to the thought of actually doing something about it. Still I the very first stages, which is mainly information gathering. So I haven't gone to a therapist as of yet. I do plan on doing so next month. I just want to be informed as much as I can ^.^  So I have been lurking here for the past few weeks gobbling up all the information that I can get my hands on. And honestly there is just soo very much here to be learned, and I am grateful for ever morsel gathered.

OH! I am 25, MtF.

OK so I've been around this place for about a month and i haven't posted very much. admittedly i haven't really used a website like this before so i am still getting used to some aspects. i still find it quite hard to find the confidence to even post sometimes and when i do post i often do so in quite a rush that produces a short unreadable post.
i also wonder if established members are immediately suspicious of newer members.
there is however so much i can gain from this and i hope personally that i can make a positive contribution as well.

Eva
(identified as Genderless at the time this was posted have since realised that I am MTF)

 :D Hi. My name is Jamie. New here, but definetly not new to the world..almost 50 this year!
Anyway, here for support, friends, info and to provide same, if I can.

Hello Jamie!  We should form a club  ;)

Anyway, get to know your way around the site, and if you have any questions, just ask.  At 15 posts you will get the ability to use the personal messaging utility, as well as change your profile to include an avatar or picture.

Quote from: BD0121 on April 24, 2013, 08:03:41 PM
OK so I've been around this place for about a month and i haven't posted very much. admittedly i haven't really used a website like this before so i am still getting used to some aspects. i still find it quite hard to find the confidence to even post sometimes and when i do post i often do so in quite a rush that produces a short unreadable post.
i also wonder if established members are immediately suspicious of newer members.
there is however so much i can gain from this and i hope personally that i can make a positive contribution as well.

Bruce.
(Male Born Genderless Individual)

Hi,

All members are equal here, welcome and join on in, take your time and feel your way around. You are very very welcome.

Hugs

Cindy

Quote from: Lubbles on April 21, 2013, 09:23:57 AM
Hiya,

I am very new to this. Well not to the idea, but to the thought of actually doing something about it. Still I the very first stages, which is mainly information gathering. So I haven't gone to a therapist as of yet. I do plan on doing so next month. I just want to be informed as much as I can ^.^  So I have been lurking here for the past few weeks gobbling up all the information that I can get my hands on. And honestly there is just soo very much here to be learned, and I am grateful for ever morsel gathered.

OH! I am 25, MtF.

Hi welcome honey,

Lots of info here and lots of experience and we are all into sharing, so ask away and join on in

Hugs

Cindy

well I would have been one of those I and bye people until I took a step the other day and wanted to share. Here is a link if anybody wants to reply https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,140013.msg1133467.html#msg1133467 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,140013.msg1133467.html#msg1133467) I am happy and mad at the same time, but I am working through it. I at least have somebody close to help me. Who know this might be the start to me figuring things, and finding out for sure who I am. If the case may be that I need to maybe the start to me coming out as female or something else. I don't really know.

Hi Bookworm,

Welcome to the forums. I had a quick read of your posts and I do suggest talking to a therapist when you can. Lots of your feelings are very very normal for trans* people and for guys who like to cross dress. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them or anything to be embarrassed about. But talking to a professional therapist might give you the chance to come to terms with some of your feelings

Hugs

Cindy

I do need to find one and I am looking at the moment. It is good to hear that I am some what normal then. I thought I was a little odd.

Quote from: Bookworm on May 03, 2013, 03:46:25 AM
I do need to find one and I am looking at the moment. It is good to hear that I am some what normal then. I thought I was a little odd.

One of the very basic things we need to accept and understand is that there is nothing wrong with us. We are perfectly normal human beings who deserve the respect and love that all humans deserve.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.
You have nothing to apologise for.
You do not need any excuses.

You are a perfectly normal person.

And on this site and I hope in life you are a valuable and loved member of our family.

Hugs

Cindy

I understand that I should not feel ashamed, but that is easier said than done. I feel like I should not being like I am. I feel like I should just be a regular guy and be fine with that, but to be honest I know that is not the case. That is what make all of this so hard. I am trying to be more open with myself and I as well as my sister. She is here for me and always has been. I came out to her first a little while ago and she has been so helpful and supportive. I hope that by being here on this site with all of you people I might just figure out who I am. I do plan to look into a therapist as soon as I can. I don't know when that will be, but at least I am looking. Thanks for the support :)

Bookworm, all this is going to be a learning experience.  They don't pass out instruction manuals (it would be nice if they did!).

So don't despair.  There is no hurry.  But there is a lot of introspection and self-realization ahead.  And if you are like me, a lot of the same behind us too.

I am thankful that I have at least started the first steps of acknowledgement and trying to understand where I stand.

Quote from: Comrade Eva on April 24, 2013, 08:03:41 PM
OK so I've been around this place for about a month and i haven't posted very much. admittedly i haven't really used a website like this before so i am still getting used to some aspects. i still find it quite hard to find the confidence to even post sometimes and when i do post i often do so in quite a rush that produces a short unreadable post.
i also wonder if established members are immediately suspicious of newer members.
there is however so much i can gain from this and i hope personally that i can make a positive contribution as well.

Bruce.
(Male Born Genderless Individual)

I'm far more at ease here now
Thank you Cindy your little bit of reassurance helped remove my reservations about this community.  :)

No problems Eva,

Feel free and join in with posting and being a member, the more you do the more fun it is!