Quote from: quietnightlover on November 29, 2012, 11:59:49 PM
Cindy,
Thank you for the kind and warm opening. It's nice to feel as though I am welcome to any place where I may express my thoughts and feelings.
I am VERY new to the forum concept and have rejected it for many years. But, I feel it may be the only place to express myself and not feel like I have to justify or deny my feelings.
I am a professional man, single parent, friend, son, volunteer and coworker. I have a really good outward appearance of someone who works hard, cares for his family and lives a "NORMAL" life. But, inside I struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have.
I am at the cusp of another reinvention of myself. Something I have done many times, as most people do throughout their lives. This time, it has a sexuality / relationship component I'm not prepared for and not sure how to handle. More than anything, I don't know where to turn to ask questions, listen (or read) to what others have to say or have been through.
Like everyone, I hate to be labeled. But I have come to the realization that I am truly different than most of my friends and family. This leaves me feeling isolated and a bit confused. Who do I talk to? How would I even broach the topic with someone?
Am I strange? Am I bad or wrong for having the thoughts and feeling I have? I don't mind being different. I just don't know what to do next or how to act on my thoughts, feelings and attractions.
I think, but I'm not sure, I may be questioning either my sexuality or who I may choose to partner with. I'm don't know what to do with this feeling. I've heard from others I "need a good counselor". I'm not ready for that yet.
Is it even appropriate to introduce such a topic, like this?
I'm rather confused..
Some guidance would be much appreciated.
Hi and welcome. And there is def no need to feel as if you are welcome - you are very much welcome. I also know your feeling about forums, but this one is different. Qe are a rt site and that's what we do. Support each other.
And you will find many people here who have been through every type of change and problem.
So feelings and stuff.
It is very hard to broach sexual feelings, gender identity etc with people who know you are may not understand you. They know you as a facade rather than yourself. This is common to us all. When I came out and went full time people I had been working with for 30 years had to get used to the idea, and they did. To be honest I haven't had any problems with anyone. I'm as high profile as you can get and there is no way I can go stealth or hide. I'm me.
That said this is a very good place to talk about your feelings and please do so either in this thread or opening up in the main areas. Do go through past posts and the literature that is available here as it does contain useful stuff.
One of the biggest 'feas' people have when they start to face their gender issues is whether they are odd in some way. They are not and you are not.
The gender and sexual spectrum is enormous and within that there are many different feelings and concerns. Your thoughts and issues are perfectly normal. You may just nor be aware of what normal is. I'm a totally normal woman. OK I can't have children but many genetic woman cannot either. I really like being a woman, I'm very happy being a woman. I like dressing nicely I like how I'm treated I like how I'm involved in 'womanly' things. I was a very miserable and troubled man. I could never relate to being male and I found it extremely difficult to operate as a male in society.
Why? Because I'm female.
Once I accepted that life changed. People took notice of my changes within days. I was on medication for terrible depression. That's gone. I'm happy. And what is so funny is that I never knew what happiness was. Because I'd never been happy. Although I wasn't aware of it.
We do tend to have a bit of a catch cry of 'see a therapist', but I'm not convinced that is the place to start, unless you know what you want therapy for. I went to my therapist when I decided I was going to go and live as me. It is a requirement where I am Adelaide in South Australia, to see a therapist - a psychiatrist here- in order to get hormone treatment.
My therapist realised very quickly that my only psychological 'problem' was I was living as the wrong gender. But many people do have issues that they need to address. Many of us have been raped or sexually assaulted and have long term problems getting over it. I had been raped but I had got my head around it and I do not have any problems with sexual relationships with guys (I'm heterosexual, I like guys). Many TG woman like woman and live in lesbian relationships, absolutely nothing wrong with that either. But that is a major role of the therapist to help us address such problems and to give advice and support when and if we decide to go FT. My therapist has a vast amount of experience with TG people and has lots of advice for issues that come up, such as name changes etc etc.
We also have many people who like to cross dress and not to take things further than that. Nothing wrong with that either. And again we have lots of advice on how to shop for clothes, make up etiquette etc no matter where people fit.
So, I hope I haven't rabbited on too much. If you want to discuss particular issues talk away. And don't be frightened. There is nothing whatsoever to fear at Susan's, unless you break the rules which are under the announcement section and worth reading.
If you ever have a problem with posts, as in they upset you ir disturb you etc, don't respond to them report them to a Mod by hitting the button on the right of the posts. Sue pays her Mods vast amounts of nothing to do the modding so let us deal with the problems.
So ask away Honey
Hugs
Cindy
