Quote from: arrabella on November 21, 2012, 03:25:33 AM
coz australia iz verrry full of gay hate unfortunately

I don't know where you live, but I've never had any real issues in either Melbourne or Adelaide.. I've lived most of my life as a gay guy and can count on 1 hand the number of times I've had issues with hate. I certainly haven't had an issue since I went full time. Come to think of it, didn't have any issues when I lived in a country town in Vic either..

Quote from: quietnightlover on November 29, 2012, 11:59:49 PM
Cindy, 

Thank you for the kind and warm opening. It's nice to feel as though I am welcome to any place where I may express my thoughts and feelings.

I am VERY new to the forum concept and have rejected it for many years. But, I feel it may be the only place to express myself and not feel like I have to justify or deny my feelings.

I am a professional man, single parent, friend, son, volunteer and coworker. I have a really good outward appearance of someone who works hard, cares for his family and lives a "NORMAL" life.  But, inside I struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings I sometimes have.

I am at the cusp of another reinvention of myself. Something I have done many times, as most people do throughout their lives. This time, it has a sexuality / relationship component I'm not prepared for and not sure how to handle. More than anything, I don't know where to turn to ask questions, listen (or read) to what others have to say or have been through.

Like everyone, I hate to be labeled. But I have come to the realization that I am truly different than most of my friends and family. This leaves me feeling isolated and a bit confused. Who do I talk to? How would I even broach the topic with someone?
Am I strange? Am I bad or wrong for having the thoughts and feeling I have? I don't mind being different. I just don't know what to do next or how to act on my thoughts, feelings and attractions.

I think, but I'm not sure, I may be questioning either my sexuality or who I may choose to partner with. I'm don't know what to do with this feeling. I've heard from others I "need a good counselor". I'm not ready for that yet.

Is it even appropriate to introduce such a topic, like this?

I'm rather confused..

Some guidance would be much appreciated.

Hi and welcome. And there is def no need to feel as if you are welcome - you are very much welcome. I also know your feeling about forums, but this one is different. Qe are a rt site and that's what we do. Support each other.

And you will find many people here who have been through every type of change and problem.

So feelings and stuff.

It is very hard to broach sexual feelings, gender identity etc with people who know you are may not understand you. They know you as a facade rather than yourself. This is common to us all. When I came out and went full time people I had been working with for 30 years had to get used to the idea, and they did. To be honest I haven't had any problems with anyone. I'm as high profile as you can get and there is no way I can go stealth or hide. I'm me.

That said this is a very good place to talk about your feelings and please do so either in this thread or opening up in the main areas. Do go through past posts and the literature that is available here as it does contain useful stuff.

One of the biggest 'feas' people have when they start to face their gender issues is whether they are odd in some way. They are not and you are not.

The gender and sexual spectrum is enormous and within that there are many different feelings and concerns. Your thoughts and issues are perfectly normal. You may just nor be aware of what normal is. I'm a totally normal woman. OK I can't have children but many genetic woman cannot either. I really like being a woman, I'm very happy being a woman. I like dressing nicely I like how I'm treated I like how I'm involved in 'womanly' things. I was a very miserable and troubled man. I could never relate to being male and I found it extremely difficult to operate as a male in society.

Why? Because I'm female.

Once I accepted that life changed. People took notice of my changes within days. I was on medication for terrible depression. That's gone. I'm happy. And what is so funny is that I never knew what happiness was. Because I'd never been happy. Although I wasn't aware of it.

We do tend to have a bit of a catch cry of 'see a therapist', but I'm not convinced that is the place to start, unless you know what you want therapy for. I went to my therapist when I decided I was going to go and live as me. It is a requirement where I am Adelaide in South Australia, to see a therapist - a psychiatrist here- in order to get hormone treatment.

My therapist realised very quickly that my only psychological 'problem' was I was living as the wrong gender.  But many people do have issues that they need to address. Many of us have been raped or sexually assaulted and have long term problems getting over it. I had been raped but I had got my head around it and I do not have any problems with sexual relationships with guys (I'm heterosexual, I like guys). Many TG woman like woman and live in lesbian relationships, absolutely nothing wrong with that either. But that is a major role of the therapist to help us address such problems and to give advice and support when and if we decide to go FT. My therapist has a vast amount of experience with TG people and has lots of advice for issues that come up, such as name changes etc etc.

We also have many people who like to cross dress and not to take things further than that. Nothing wrong with that either. And again we have lots of advice on how to shop for clothes, make up etiquette  etc no matter where people fit.

So, I hope I haven't rabbited on too much. If you want to discuss particular issues talk away. And don't be frightened. There is nothing whatsoever to fear at Susan's, unless you break the rules which are under the announcement section and worth reading.

If you ever have a problem with posts, as in they upset you ir disturb you etc, don't respond to them report them to a Mod by hitting the button on the right of the posts. Sue pays her Mods vast amounts of nothing to do the modding so let us deal with the problems.

So ask away Honey

Hugs

Cindy

*Peeks in*

Hey everyone, I just signed on so I got that 'fresh car smell' to me right now. I guess this is the part in my introduction where I tell a little about myself?

I'm not like a number of transgenders who knew from an early age that I was destined to be a girl. I knew something was... off about me... but I couldn't find words to describe it, I remember when I was about four I had one of those Candy that had hearts on them and those funny sayings, I had one that had a broken heart on it and I told my mom 'this is how I feel' but when she asked why... I couldn't answer her. While I was growing up most of my play mates were girls and even when I was I was playing alone I was never afraid to play the female role in games... though teasing from the other kids made recoil into myself a fair amount and those genderly swapped roles were more reserved for my close friends of private play (as I was an only child in the country I was often alone for those sorts of things)

Fast forwards a few years and my pretend play was more... androgynous, I would often reserve the 'shapeshifters' to play and then usually stick to the feminine or female of the gender roles. Oh well... I guess I was only trying to fool myself in the end. XD
During my teenage years I was pretty volatile, I was often full of rage and kept to myself, a defense mechanism I had learned sense I was a small child. I had developed what I call 'The Void' inside of me, I was always empty inside, and even now I feel this Void that denies me happiness and tranquility. I have bouts of despair, even now, I have those moments where I'm so full to the brim with tears that its impossible for me to cry. I won't lie in saying that even now there are times when I seriously think of how to end my own existence. I keep grasping at hope though. Maybe subconsciously I know that there is something that will make me happy, something that will cause me to look back, shake my head with a smile and ask myself how the hell that I managed to go on living like that for so long?

About two years ago, I did something utterly and totally insane:
I found a place that was open minded, a mystical far away place where homosexuality and the Gender Outlaws were said to gather and live peacefully. I decided one day that I needed to come to the location that I live now and flee the homophobic Provence that I lived and came to that magical place where I could freely and comfortably explore my gender identity. I had one cousin in this area but no other family other than that, I had no friends and everything was fresh and new for what I'm hoping will be a better start to the rest of my life.
To make things even better for me, I have attended a Gender Journeys course at the local health center that is more or less the go to information providers for the major area that I live. I am now on a waiting list for Gender counseling which should be contacting me soon, and I'm lining all my little ducks in a row so that -if and when I decide to start transitioning- I can just ease into it and go slowly and comfortable should it come down to that.

I can't say for sure if I'm MtF, androgynous or some other combination of the seemingly infinite gender spectrum. I hope that I can get a clearer image as I progress on, both interacting with the comunity here and also talking to my gender councilor when I finally meet them.

Phew, I guess that would be my introduction... more information that your probably cared to know about me and more than likely don't care to know still. But these new introduction things always make me nervous. ^^;

Hi Everyone,
Well, here goes for starters.
 
I'm Sam a 38yr old CD and new to this and I have been playing for a good few years now and after having purging all my stuff in the past....... many times!
Now I have decided to move forward and be the real person inside "You ask how I know this" well let me tell you a little bit more about me.

I first started at a very young age aprox at the age of 6 and would always get caught with my cousins clothes and would go straight for them or would get here to swap with me while we played.
I then went throw teenage years still dressing and even had my own stuff, just panties and tights. This was on and off as i had a girlfriend and a few.
As I got into my 20's I was living with a partner who worked shift time, so I would dress up whenever I could, now this has went on for a long while and many relationships over many years.
I then thought I was Gay and messed up every relationship I got into with woman. I started using partners sex toy on myself and this made me more curious to what and who I am.

To date I have decided not to date anymore woman, as it's not fair on them or me and it's not who I am. I have always bought clothing etc, but always got a guilt trip and binned it. WHY WHY WHY?
I have never felt normal with others and worked and played in a very male macho society, I have climbed mountains, I do crazy jobs like Rigging and Scaffolding, to make me feel more like a REAL BLOKE to join the rest the group and that if you never went out shagging chicks, well you were regarded as queer.
  I always feel the odd one out "why I ask" Well,  that's because I would rather be at home dressed in a skirt and feel my bare shaved legs (with I get away with, road cycling) even at work........ So yes I'm Queer and have come to terms with who and what I am! 2013 will see me be more femine  and might even get the urge to have some real excitement for a change and even change jobs so I can be more Sam the Female who is the real me, well lets see, ah
I would love to here from others that can give me help and advice from make up to groups in my area.....Christchurch.

I would love to get out and meet others for coffee and chats or a night out, once i get myself sorted with make up and wigs etc

I would love to come up to Auckland for the Big gay out this 2013, so please if think you can offer a little help to a Gurl in need please contact me.

Well I'm pleased to be here and look forward to hearing from lots Gurls

Hope you are having a great day merry christmas


Sam xx

P,S After just reading this I do feel better within myself as it's the first time I have put down on Paper, If to say

Hi Sam,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Thank you for sharing this important part of your life with us. Just doing that is a big step on its own. Admitting who you are, to yourself is a major part of your journey, as well. Congratulations.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi Cindy, Bets here.
I have finally "signed up" with your forum and was very comforted by your message and some of the newbie posts that followed. Nice not feel all alone out here. Still scary but to know that there are a few late bloomers out there gives me hope in my late 50's. So much to do after starting and stoping for so many years. Hopefuly its never too late! Many thanks for being there.
Big hugs!

Hi Bets,

It is never too late until we are pushing up daisy's.

WElcome join in and tell us about yourself.

Post in the introduction area as well

Hugs

Cindy

Hi Cindy & friends,
Thanks for the welcome. i'm very new and confused a little here, but will be ok in a few days.
Have a wonderful day.

Howdy gang! I'm new here as well, and I'm still getting the hang of things, and working on my introductory post. I'm a not-yet-transitioning MTF, and like some others, I got a later start on realizing my identity, but I look forward to the journey!

Cybil, it took me more than a month to post an introduction!

Quote from: Rozelyn on December 13, 2012, 09:43:51 AM
*Peeks in*

Hey everyone, I just signed on so I got that 'fresh car smell' to me right now. I guess this is the part in my introduction where I tell a little about myself?

I'm not like a number of transgenders who knew from an early age that I was destined to be a girl. I knew something was... off about me... but I couldn't find words to describe it, I remember when I was about four I had one of those Candy that had hearts on them and those funny sayings, I had one that had a broken heart on it and I told my mom 'this is how I feel' but when she asked why... I couldn't answer her. While I was growing up most of my play mates were girls and even when I was I was playing alone I was never afraid to play the female role in games... though teasing from the other kids made recoil into myself a fair amount and those genderly swapped roles were more reserved for my close friends of private play (as I was an only child in the country I was often alone for those sorts of things)

SNIP

Rozelyn, the degree and severity of our dyphoria varies from individual to individual.  And we cope differently.  Just because you didn't understand what you felt, from a young age, does not negate your experience.

Welcome.  Here's a little gift for you ...

Quote from: Pleasingly Plump Jamie D on February 18, 2013, 11:56:47 AM
Cybil, it took me more than a month to post an introduction!

Thanks! You're absolutely right, it's not a race Like everything else I do when it comes to transitioning, I'm trying to take my time, and learn what I can from every experience, before each step.

Hey Cindy

I'm Lucy, 32 yearold MTF slowy coming to terms with which direction I need to be heading. It's been a messed up old life so far so Im hoping with a little help from these forums and my mothers blessing, I should have my life back on track.

Look forward to speaking to you all, and hopefully sharing my journey with you.

Lucy. x

Hello,
I am new here and was reading some of the posts and felt that I could share here.  I live in Massachusetts and I have searched for a therapist but all are filled up.  The only therapists available are guys and I can't speak to men about stuff like this.  I don't even have male friends because I do not understand or feel like I can relate.   I am sorry for being so wordy, I have no one to talk to about any of this. 
I am 45 and since I was real young I wanted to be a girl.  I was different than other guys and related to girls more than guys.   My sister and her female friends, cousin, other girls in the neighborhood and mom knew about it and were really cool with it.  None of the girls ever said anything and was really supportive.  Also, my mom let me be myself while in the house and allow me to dress anyway I wanted or act anyway, all were supportive. 
I lived in the south growing up and it was in the middle of the Bible belt.  Most anyone that was gay or transgender was beating up, so I kept it in.  While a teen, I did have a boyfriend from 15 to 17 and did experiment with boys from 12 to 18 or while growing up and it was wonderful.  When I turned 18, I got married for the first time and tried my best to put it behind me and hide.  Eventually, I did find a boyfriend again a couple years after I got married.  I wasn't looking, he was a patient at the hospital and one thing led to another and we started going out.  He was the first man that ever treated me like a woman.  He would take me to dinner, buy me cloths, hold hands, make love, and it felt or so wonderful.   He ended up accepting another job and moved away and I continued my marriage for another 5 years.  My ex and I finally broke up and I moved in by myself.   
The good thing about being by myself was I could dress any way I wanted and I did.  I did have relationships with men but mostly one night stands.  I eventually met my current wife and moved to Massachusetts and have 2 daughters.  I decided to hide who I was until a couple of years ago when I couldn't handle it anymore.   I was getting mad about everything and didn't know why until I was arguing with my wife and it came out that I want to be a woman and I love men.  Surprised she was supportive of me and ok with it.  Over the last couple of years she has bought me clothes, made jokes with me about different men and it made it ok.  She knows I want to become a woman and she is waiting for the day for me to come out and actually do it.   She knows about one of our friends Stephen that I have the biggest crush on and she makes jokes about it to me when he is around.  Sad thing is, women do not get me excited and when my wife and I are together, I have to think about Stephen or another man from my past, or a guy I may have seen but it's been that way from the time I was a teen until now. 
However she seems at times to get mad so I have backed off and went back in the closet.  I still wear the underwear and sports bra's under my clothes and still wished more than anything I had magic powers to make me into a woman even for 1 day. 
My wife says all the time, she is waiting for me to fully come out of the closet to everyone.  I come so close and stop because I have a daughter that is 14 and 12.  I think it would be selfish to ruin their life to make me who I should have been born as.    Every day, I look at pintrest and look at all the pretty clothes, lingerie, hair, shoes, and purses and day dream.    I am to old now at 45 to actually do the transition I think.   I just don't know what to do anymore...I am just lost and no one to talk to around here. 
thanks for listening and sorry again,
Tammy

Hi Tammy,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Thank you for sharing this important part of your life with us. I appreciate your honesty in being able to communicate your feelings. Your wife is right and for you to flourish and develop, you need to do the right thing by yourself. Sure it's hard when you have a family, but at the end of the day when the dust has settled, they will see your honesty and integrity are worthwhile characteristic.

One other very important observation you have had of yourself that may not be entirely correct. Age really has no bearing on your feelings, and at 45, would be an ideal time for you to start moving forward into a more authentic person. There are many here who are your senior and doing just that. Transitioning to a greater individual.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi guys/gals  Names is Anne i'm mtf and i'm still transitioning, but beside that all i have to say to those that are transitioning is to keep Fighting...and also love u guys!! ^_^

Hi everyone my names Charlie and I'm an mtf transgender teen:) I've just started blockers and yah... That's my life at the mo also does this forum have an app/ is it possible to upload pictures from an iPod?
Thanks everyone :-)

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on November 30, 2012, 12:27:48 AM
I don't know where you live, but I've never had any real issues in either Melbourne or Adelaide.. I've lived most of my life as a gay guy and can count on 1 hand the number of times I've had issues with hate. I certainly haven't had an issue since I went full time. Come to think of it, didn't have any issues when I lived in a country town in Vic either..

I know this is odd n all... But what hair dye do you use for your hair? I've been looking for that colour for ages awesome style btw

Hi all, first post of (hopefully) many to come.

I'm a 40 sumthin' pre most everything, MtF transsexual (as my therapist and myself figure anyhow). Hailing from the West coast of Canada. Married happily and now that I'm out to my wife, doubly so. Somewhat strangely happy and supported by friends and allies. Hope to find a few here and maybe one day become one as well. Feel free to chat me up if you have any questions about being trans in Vancouver but please be aware I'm a huge newbie in nearly every aspect of transitioning. Which I'm doing my best to keep it light and enjoy the ride ~

P.S. ok, so then I find out there is an active member in this thread named Jamie as well (and a mod to boot  ). Please have mercy, this is a global handle I use on nearly every site 

Quote from: Charlied96 on April 05, 2013, 07:44:11 PM
I know this is odd n all... But what hair dye do you use for your hair? I've been looking for that colour for ages awesome style btw

I can't remember, that pic was taken in August last year and the pink only lasted about a week before I recoloured it.. I'll find out for you though.