Its been a while since I posted here. Probably at least a year.
Recently, I was rejected by a guy because I am trans. I'm post op and have been for a a couple years. I've dated on and off and haven't actually had this issue yet. I was a little surprised by that fact. Every guy I've dated has been ok with it until this one.
I'm not exactly sure why I feel so crummy. I've been rejected before, but never for being trans. I've always expected it to happen, but now that it has I don't know how to process it.
Any advice?
I'm really sorry to hear that you were rejected purely out of prejudice and not on the basis of who you actually are. That really sucks.
I wish I had something more positive to write but if you've been rejected simply on the basis of your past (and you're absolutely gorgeous) I can't help but wonder what hope I and anyone else transitioning later in life with a heavily emasculated appearance has of finding a partner.
My only advice would be not to get bogged down worrying about it. Undoubtedly it sucks, I'm not trying to diminish that, but I guess it's a result of the fact that some people carry prejudice. Like you said it's never happened before so it's not as if every guy is going to take the same approach. It's part of the unfairly high price people pay to have gender incongruence corrected.
Again, I'm really sorry because that really sucks :(
Quote from: Valerie Elizabeth on September 02, 2012, 09:56:28 PM
Its been a while since I posted here. Probably at least a year.
Recently, I was rejected by a guy because I am trans. ...
Did he give you any specifics like pointing to wanting to have children, religious beliefs, fear that you would shame him if it ever came out?
The one thing I have finally realized is that most often guys who would reject someone based on the fact that they transitioned, when for every other reason they wanted to be with you and found you entirely acceptable... Those guys are beneath me and don't deserve someone like me anyway. Most often they are very insecure about their "masculinity" and I suspect that most of them are indeed closeted homosexuals who worry that your influence on them will cause them to become gay.
The reality is they are already gay and fleeing themselves at every turn. And you don't want a guy like that. They always blame other people for things they can't or won't take responsibility for. They are probably going to spend their lives unhappily trying to be something they aren't (straight). Feel sad for them if anything but better to be happy and enjoy your life.
They will probably never be able to be like you. You are a self-actualized person who has overcome her fears and done the impossible. Find someone who is more your equal.
I don't tell guys I date I transitioned. If you get extremely bored you can dig up some of my posts on the topic. I advocate not telling and instead more honestly 'being'. Because telling implies marriage to the past. Telling implies that (what you are not) is still important to you and importance implies attachment. Or in other words we have to tell men that we used to be men because we still are. Being a man or a woman is an experience, we aren't objects, we aren't chromosomes... We are awareness.
What comes out of our mouths (a confession) is part of our experience. Our experience is who we are. What comes out of our mouths is part of who we are. If you don't want to be a thing stop representing it with your experience. (Just a quick run-down of my philosophy or rather personal magic).
The bare bolts of it is if a man rejects a woman because she transitioned it is because he considers her a man. The best way to avoid being seen as a man is to avoid confessing to something that will cause him to see her as a man. I have been in situations where other people told guys I was intimate with that I was really just a man. I resolved to only say things a natural born woman would say or rather to avoid saying anything that would be considered evidence that I was really just a man.
No matter who you date, if they are allowed to get to know you as a woman and more importantly if you never confess to anything else then (in my experience) the past doesn't matter because you aren't allowing it to have the power. Keep your power in the present (is my suggestion). I realize not everyone can use this advice and really it's a small group of those who transition who can or will use it. But I am not trying to win the popularity contest, I am just sharing my experiences and what I have learned with people in similar situations. Those people have to determine who they are because I can't. I'm just that lady who types too much.
Well, you should look at it this way: it is a handy-dandy filtering mechanism for your potential partners. Meaning, only those who are secure enough with themselves, who have open minds and hearts, who are comfortable with you and gender and themselves as human beings, get through the filter of knowing that you are trans. Anyone who would reject you for this aspect of who you are does not deserve to be with you in the first place. Amirite?? Kinda like my filter of only being able to be friends with people who love garlic..... ;D
Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 02, 2012, 10:24:51 PM
Did he give you any specifics like pointing to wanting to have children, religious beliefs, fear that you would shame him if it ever came out?
His words were something along the lines of, "Sorry, but I'm not looking for a trans person." I didn't really press. Truthfully, I'm not really interested in children myself, except for adoption.
Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 02, 2012, 10:31:32 PM
Because telling implies marriage to the past. Telling implies that (what you are not) is still important to you and importance implies attachment. Or in other words we have to tell men that we used to be men because we still are.
I don't know that I agree that. I get what you are saying, but I don't know that I feel it to be true. I've battled long and hard with the decision about revealing my past. I don't want to call it lying by not telling them, but it's hard to avoid.
Why are there no pictures of you before college in your house (or parents house, or facebook)? Shoot, I used to run into people that knew me from before I transitioned at bars that I wasn't friends with (before I moved far away). I've had friends accidentally let it slip (truly an accident). I had a sexual partner clock me because of my scars, but he was ok with it (thankfully).
I guess since it was the first time it happened to me, it was a little shocking. I guess I became a little distanced from reality. I lived in a world where nobody seemed to care, and when reality showed up I reeled.
Quote from: Valerie Elizabeth on September 03, 2012, 12:48:48 AM
Why are there no pictures of you before college in your house (or parents house, or facebook)? Shoot, I used to run into people that knew me from before I transitioned at bars that I wasn't friends with (before I moved far away). I've had friends accidentally let it slip (truly an accident). I had a sexual partner clock me because of my scars, but he was ok with it (thankfully).
My personal experience is no one ever asks for or about photos unless they already heard something or have other reason to suspect something. The same is true for SRS scars as long as you have average or better results. Even before I had my Bower's results fixed by Dr. Chettawut partners were never critical of my vagina. I did have a customer who was but my results were awful before my revision (and it's more likely than not that he heard I was really just a man) from one of my nasty coworkers.
Most guys don't really understand the anatomy of the vagina and can't tell a scar from a crease or a stretch mark. And I have seen natal females who looked like they had SRS scars, probably because surgeons try to put scars in areas that tend to fold or crease.
What you tell people about yourself is your decision. I just know that in my experience telling people I transitioned causes them to be unable to know the true me so I don't. But whatever you decide to tell someone is right thing to tell them as long as you feel good about it.
Facebook is spyware.
There's not much to say except that I am impressed with your honesty. Think of it this way. Many girls are rejected for many reasons. Some are to heavy or have the wrong color of skin. This is just another wrinkle that WE have to deal with. There are men who will not have an issue with it. They are golden.
You mention that your previous BF's knew but this wasn't an issue with them. Are you sure? They may not have wanted to say anything.
In any case, live your life as if you don't need them. Plan for that. You never know.... one might fall right into your lap.
Chin up.
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on September 03, 2012, 01:42:57 AM
There's not much to say except that I am impressed with your honesty. Think of it this way. Many girls are rejected for many reasons. Some are to heavy or have the wrong color of skin. This is just another wrinkle that WE have to deal with. There are men who will not have an issue with it. They are golden.
You mention that your previous BF's knew but this wasn't an issue with them. Are you sure? They may not have wanted to say anything.
In any case, live your life as if you don't need them. Plan for that. You never know.... one might fall right into your lap.
Chin up.
Cindi
That's a good way to look at it. I will let that rattle around for a while.
Concerning the previous "lover", as I wouldn't call him a boyfriend. That was a messy complicated relationship. In any case, we talked about it because he brought it up. We saw each other quite frequently after that, and it continued until I left the state.
Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 03, 2012, 01:19:17 AM
My personal experience is no one ever asks for or about photos unless they already heard something or have other reason to suspect something. The same is true for SRS scars as long as you have average or better results.
I have had people ask about photos. Like I said, I had a guy ask about scars too. Maybe it's an exception, but it's hard to get out of my head.
Just one more dud you sifted out nice and early. Obviously not able to appreciate your fine qualities, so good riddance I say.
Quote from: Valerie Elizabeth on September 02, 2012, 09:56:28 PM
Any advice?
People have all different kinds of hang-ups, like Cindi said. So this one didn't work out - do what thousands of other women do. Break out the expensive ice cream, indulge yourself for a little while, then get back to looking for Mr Right and hoping the next one will be different. :)
Quote from: Valerie Elizabeth on September 02, 2012, 09:56:28 PM
Any advice?
Move on. Don't dwell on it. Plenty of other guys out there. I've had it happen too. At first you're like WTF? But, you'll get over it. Better off knowing his beliefs & feelings now, then waiting until 6 months in to the relationship.
Just ask yourself how you feel about someone like that who would discriminate against you. Do you really feel he's worth any thought?
PS--> If that's you in your avatar, Valerie --> Oh my stars, you're so pretty!
Quote from: Valerie Elizabeth on September 03, 2012, 02:15:03 AM
I have had people ask about photos. Like I said, I had a guy ask about scars too. Maybe it's an exception, but it's hard to get out of my head.
I didn't say that people never ask for photos or about scars, I said that when they do it is because they already heard or suspected something. Were you living around the same area where you transitioned during these experiences? How is your voice? Do many people know you transitioned?
People ask all kinds of weird things when there are rumors circulating.
I wouldn't worry about it, there are so many great guys out there and I suppose you just have to search around for them. I always thought that being a natal girl would be horrible, there are soo many men and also in the sense that you never could tell how much a guy loved you or if he honestly did.
If you must be honest with them id say timing is the most important thing here. Give him time to fall for you and show him your an amazing human being and that it out weighs your past. "I don't care because I've already fallen for you" like that. hehehe
Don't wait too long but don't reveal it to soon. And as for like crazy masculine reactions or horrible results upon hearing the truth, Im sure you can get a feel for this guy before you tell him. I mean, you wouldn't honestly go for a hyper masculine close minded guy and think its a good idea to tell him something like that :P
Everyone is skipping around the issue here.
Regardless of how we view the world, some people will never see us as women (mtf) or men (ftm). That apparent rejection does not make them bad, stupid, or worthless. There is a double standard working here when we reject those who reject us as unworthy. We know nothing of the person who found he couldn't date Valerie Elizabeth but he may be a wonderful person. We don't don't know and we shouldn't make assumptions about it.
I've dated and it has gone both ways. I can't say I like rejection but I've also come to understand that some men won't date a woman like me and that's okay too.
Thanks for all the feedback, I appreciate it. It certainly helped me feel better. I'm better today. Normally I don't let this kinda stuff get to me. I will press on. A Djarum Black certainly helped ease my pain. I never smoke, but it came to mind, picked up a pack and that seemed to have helped as well.
I moved to colorado a couple weeks ago, so I am new to the area. I will try and find some places where I can meet some guys.
There are a couple of exchange students from Colorado in my Gender Studies class, and if what they say about the place is true you have moved somewhere nice.
Of course if you decide to jump the fence to the girl's side, you can always move to Tasmania. ;)
Karen.
What DawnL said, like her I am looking at the bigger picture. If we don't believe in ourselves how can we expect others to. There was another thread about, "Can you trust your best friend?" In my opinion trans women need to learn to be their own best friends before they can even begin to have "friends"... Can you trust you is the grander question. Do you believe in you? If you are the woman you profess to be (rhetorical questions all to anyone and everyone) then how come you don't just get on with being one and get over this trans thing that could have been a means to an end?
Because it seems scary, that's why. My experience is it's only scary when it's a meaningless hypothetical but in actual practice it tends to be fulfilling, not scary. Still it has to be done right and certainly isn't for everyone but it's not as hard as it sounds and does not even require "stealth".
But back to the discussion...
Do you feel like you have to have a man? On the one hand I am tempted to feel envious but on the other hand I am comfortable just being me. I know a lot of women need to be with men in order to feel fulfilled and I am asking because I am in a similar situation, I am just starting out with a new guy and I'm not sure if I really want a relationship right now, under my current situation of living in a place where some people know I transitioned. Not sure I want to deal with that small town dynamic.
Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 02, 2012, 10:31:32 PM
I don't tell guys I date I transitioned. If you get extremely bored you can dig up some of my posts on the topic. I advocate not telling and instead more honestly 'being'. Because telling implies marriage to the past. Telling implies that (what you are not) is still important to you and importance implies attachment. Or in other words we have to tell men that we used to be men because we still are.
I haven't been able to get this out of my head. It is almost as if I were ignoring this because I didn't want it to be true. This really kinda hit me right in the solar plexus, and knocked the wind right out of me. I had never considered it like this before, and now that I've thought about it, I can't not see it this way.
I guess I wanted to say thanks for making me think about the hard truths. I went on kind of a longish drive in the early early AM, and thought this through. I think this was (and kind of still is) the last hurdle for me to get over. I had never considered that I had some sort of attachment to that part of my life, but I guess I really did. Now that I am aware of it, I can move past it.
There used to be someone named Kate Grimaldi who posted on Calpernia's website many years back. On there she used the name Gray and then changed it to Starbuck. She was the first person I met who advocated just being a woman after transition. At the time I believed that I would always be trans. But experiences caused me to realize I was wrong about that. I didn't have to always be trans, I really could just be female.
They say that those who can't do teach. And I find that to be true. I live in a place where people know I transitioned. In some ways I can't do. I know there are people in the city where I live who recognize me as someone who transitioned and I have to live with that and I feel like it detracts from my experience of being female. I try to avoid people who "accept" me like the plague. There is a lady who owns a restaurant and I went there for lunch with a guy and she recognized me and told me she, "Keeps me in her heart." I will never eat there again.
Still I haven't broken my promise to myself. I never tell people I transitioned. Because it isn't me, does not represent me and does not give people an honest understanding of who and what I am. That is why I said you don't even have to be "stealth" to do this, to just be female.
Still I feel kinda screwed having to live in the place where I transitioned. And I want to be gone from here. I want to feel like I have more freedom to just be me.
The thing is I didn't really know who I was until experiences sorta kicked me in the butt. Like most people and especially like men (I think), I had framed my reality. I had my ideas about what it was like to be "trans". I decided what my limitations were before I even started. My reality was handed to me by other trans women and really it was my fear, ignorance and my lack of confidence or belief in myself that strengthened my belief in that self-defeating reality. But I was not yet 'her', I was not yet that woman so I had no idea what I was preventing myself from becoming. That quote from the second Matrix movie keeps haunting me. "People can't see past a decision they don't understand."
Just being a woman is like powerful magic. It can transform your life. In my complete ignorance I was given a taste of that freedom when a guy who I thought knew I transitioned, didn't know and took me to a hotel room. I was at a bar and it was too cold to ride my Harley Sportster back to the city where I lived. He was a handsome English man with a Land Rover and a wife and kids. He told me repeatedly that if I got pregnant and ruined his life that he was going to murder me.
He wasn't a good guy and really it wasn't a good situation to be in but during sex with him I realized that acceptance had been a complete sham, an act or politeness and I realized that "acceptance" made every interaction artificial, fake... Even under the best circumstances "acceptance" tainted my interactions and made them slightly "off" not real. It was like existing in the Matrix in a dream state, nothing was quite right.
That Englishman gave me a taste of reality.
Having lived my whole life as a pretend man, having lived my life in the closet, once I tasted that freedom and realized I was real and didn't have to seek acceptance or play the part of a woman and have people play along with me. Once I experienced being the true me, there was no going back. I wasn't going to go back running into that closet where I played a trans woman and sought acceptance. I finally knew what it was like to actually be me.
There is no going back for me no matter what.
I will never seek acceptance again.
I have tasted real freedom and nothing else compares.
And I will fight to the death to keep what I have.
A post on a forum like this can't even really begin to convey what I am saying here. So I apologize for my lack of finesse in trying to explain something that goes (so far) beyond words.
Being able to live as 'female' after going though a M2F Transition does not require stealth however not having people know you transitioned will certainly make it a lot easier and much more enjoyable. Really it is a commitment to one's self to be true to one's self. Most people let their fears, doubts and insecurities overcome their commitment to be true to themselves. And the truth is that most people never experience their true self because they will never allow themselves to experience their true self.
They already have their idea of what they can and can't do, what they should and shouldn't do and what is morally right and wrong... And most people will go to their graves believing in a reality where they can only exist as a 'trans'woman.
It was an 'experience' that broke me out of the Matrix for a moment. Long enough to realize how full of it I was. Long enough to realize that my "reality" was flawed.
My reality was something I had created for myself. Other people had handed it to me and I (being ignorant) sucked it up. Because it sounded "right". It matched all the other trash I had been told all my life. It was 'familiar'. And as humans we tend to value the familiar. We tend to think that the 'familiar' = reality or truth or even honesty... (Refer to 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz for explanation).
People tend to prefer the familiar, even when it's self-defeating, self-destroying, self-preventing...
That is why women who were abused as children tend to seek out husbands and boyfriends who will continue the abuse. It feels like 'home'. And there's no place like home, is there? O_o
Transition is a physical process:
Clothes
Voice
Hair
Makeup
Breast Forms
Hormones
Surgery
...
Many times it appears as if transition is a sport or a hobby and it's all about buying the gear.
Because it seems to me that most people who transition just accumulate objects. Maybe to some who transition women are 'objects' and transition is a matter of accumulating the necessary objects and assembling them? But there is a disconnect because if women are 'objects' and people who transition are... people. Then being an object is like play acting. How could it be anything else but play acting?
Women are not objects.
Women are people.
So you should ask yourself, is transition a game or is transition a way for me to really be who and what I am and if I confess to people that I am really "trans" and not a regular woman and if that confession causes people to understand that I am a male who wants to be a female or who likes dressing up as a female...
By the way...
Trans women love to convince themselves of a magical reality where other humans will learn to accept trans women as women. It's not going to happen. Regular people believe that trans women are men who want to be women. And they accept trans women as men who want to be women.
It's only in our fantasies that trans women are real women, unless we stop engaging in fantasy role-play and commit to actually being our true selves.
So... I would suggest that one needs to add to the list of transition stuff I provided above...
Say what women say.
We learned how to dress female, and we even learned how to speak in a female voice.
Now let's add to that list...
Say what women say.
What do women say and what don't women say?
In order for transition to really work it has to be taken beyond the physical. You have to actually believe in yourself as being a woman. The word believe is formed with two words, by and living, byliving = believing. Because if you really believe in something you will manifest it by living it. Like talking the talk and walking the walk. Do women admit to being male? In Society a transsexual woman is a man who wants to be a woman and he will be accepted as such. Acceptance is about helping Society to understand that why he needs to transition but Society doesn't believe in magic. Society doesn't believe that M2Fs become women. Society believes that M2Fs sometimes look like women, sometimes sound like women... but Society will never understand that you have always been female. That would take more faith than a religious conversion. And people won't invest the sort of effort necessary to believe in something you can't show them.
Or can you show them?
You can show them by being the woman you profess to be. Say what women say, do what women do and never say things women would never say. Use the magic that exists in you already, it's there for a reason. ^_^
Sorry to go on but I think this is really important and generally ignored stuff.
This is the last email Kate Grimaldi (AKA Starbuck, Gray) ever sent me... Her shipwreck analogy
QuoteLife begins anew. The ship goes down and we thrash about in an ocean. We
see an island. We thrash to be to shore ... like transition. Oh God, we
pray, help me swim to the island and I'll be out of these deep, dark,
threatening waters. And we see most never make it to shore. Most others
never transition.
But some make it to shore. Many of those stay close to the breakers and
call out to those still at sea. Most of those at sea stay at sea. Most
that make it shore stay at the edge.
But a few pick themselves up after they've rested. After all, it's been an
ordeal and I doubt anyone can just sprint into the woods. But those who do
not stay at the beach (long with a few who decide to swim back out to
sea), they start to go into the island ... and that's the place you are
now (possibly?) starting to explore.
And this is so different from the ocean. In the ocean there was always the
hope of the island (in the sense of this parable), a place to escape to.
Now what? Can't stay on the beach and become a beach comber, or do you?
Soon there isn't enough. Soon the recollection of the waters and the
amazing swim to shore fades.
So, as you have done and continue to do, you swing your sights inland.
There is the forest and beyond it the mountains. You start to leave the
beach. There are those who are staying behind. They scream and shout.
"Stop! Don't go! You'll die. The boggie man lives in that forest! You'll
fail. You'll always be of the waters from where you came! You fool. You're
deluded. No one ever survives the forest! I went in and I know. It's a
delusion."
But out of the sand and into the pine carpet of the forest that grows
beyond the beach and soon the familiar cries fade. The smell of the ocean
is replaced by the smell of vegetation. The trees close around us. The
crash of the breakers is gone ... and we worry. "Were they right?" We
wonder "am I alone?" We look, "where's the trail?" We grow anxious,
"where's the path?'
But then we look. There seems to be a trail. Someone's marked some trees
with a blaze. There's a r ribbon tied around a tree ... but we're alone
and possibly lonely. Who put these markers up? Did people actually go this
way, before?
Foot prints. The trees are eaier to navigate. We were so used to the
openness of the ocean that we got confused by how enclosed the fores is,
but it has it's own logic (like womanhood) and we get better and better at
it.
The woods seem endless. On and on. We get tired and feel alone, but then
we notice, we are climbing upward and soon we realize we are heading into
the mountains. We come to a spot in what is now a road. Someone's put up a
sign with a skull and cross bones, "Go back before it's too late." And you
know that once you go beyond this point, there is no turning back ... but
you take a deep breath and walk past the sign and head into the mountains
and the path gives out. There are canyons and gullies and no clear trail,
but now there is the rock and sky and there is a logic to this place, too.
And the mountains have a way of showing where to go. You realize you can't
stay here forever, either. The lightning is crashing and it's still
dangerous to be here.
But then there is a break between peaks. A pass! There is a way through
this. You notice that those who have gone before have piled up rocks in
tiny piles that show the way, but you're scared because there will be no
real way to turn back. And we grow frightened. We realize how much we have
given up to come this far and in a way we know we're going to change in a
huge way and we will no longer recognize ourselves. We now know that some
came to this place and ran back, somehow, to put up the skull and
crossbones we saw earlier, but we don't and we go through the pass and we
are so scared because we feel we're dissolving ... inside ... and then we
pass through the pass itself and at first it looks like we've gone
nowhere, but after a while the trail seems simpler. Easier. Ah! We're
descending and we look up from the trail and we see we aren't on an island
at all. We're on the mainland.
We see farmland and roads, and cities. We see people. We see other woman.
This world is not strange, though it is now. But we now live in it. We
obay it's rules, we follow it's customs. We learn it's language. We
respect how it is governed and who is in charge (woman). This is the
women's world and we are now part of it.
That which once was, we left in the mountains and back at the beach. We
didn't die, "he" died. He passed away in the mountains at the moment we
let our real self out. We realized we never were a "he," we only needed
the change to be "she," and it isn't easy, but it fits.
Yes, there are those who are younger, prettier, and all have been doing it
all their lives, but after a while, we can't remember when we weren't
doing it all our lives.
"He" is but a memory ... like a nephew we recall and who we liked ... only
a fading memory. Instead, we live in the now. We live in the way of
females, irrespective of what once was. We are here, not there and no one
can hauls us back to the beach and the ocean. No one has the power to make
us leave for this is our place and we have found it and at last we're
home.
Starbuck
I realize it is time for me to leave the community now.
Be true to yourself.
Cheers,
Noey
First off let me say that I have not walked a mile in yours heels so its hard to know how it feels. I can only imagine that it felt very personal to the bone. I have been very luck with a partner that's been incredible for decades. Unconditional love Through thick and thin and my Orchi. But rejection hurts at any level. It hits at the deepest part of our psyche.
I would not necessarily conclude it had anything to do with you. Genetic males are often threatened by us because it makes them uncomfortable. But why? IMHO It challenges their masculinity and their not used to it. This gender stuff runs deep and any change to their binary world scares the devil out of them. They start thinking whats wrong with me when I like this women. I am not a real man. The easiest solution is to "run away" Then they don't have to deal with these issues. They simply go to another women. It's kinda human nature. The thing is we are forced into dealing with these issues. They are not. It's easier to move on. Could be he wanted children someday. A way to leave his leagacy. Who Knows
I have concluded that Allot of the rejection, looks, reactions, stares etc.. that we get are the result of just human nature. They see something different and take a second look or whatever. Some people react with anger some with denial or simply ignore it and some become fearful. Some wont trust you employ you or talk to you. . I don't think it's allot different than the discrimination blacks have faced for decades. Its human nature. It's just that gender has not caught up to the main stream yet. Given time I think it will. Unfortunately not in my lifetime.
But I will say girl your gorgeous. The heck with him.
I totally agree with the above. I know it can sometimes hurt when this happens, but this kind of thing happens to most women at some point. I dont let it bother me anymore..just move on to the next. He or she isnt worth it if they feel this way. They just dont get it. You cant get someone to change their views, especially if they are ignorant on the subject in the first place.
Quote from: Noey Noonesson on September 14, 2012, 02:24:29 PM
I realize it is time for me to leave the community now.
Be true to yourself.
Cheers,
Noey
You'll probably not read this if you're truly leaving, but I have to say 'thank you'. You've just set up another couple of those markers in the trail for the rest of us. Thank you for reposting that email. It truly touched me.
May "he" rest in peace.
-Hope
I feel once your post op going stealth might be the best option.
Instead of saying your trans, you can say something alone the likes that you just cannot have children. It doesn't even have to be right away but when things feel like they are becoming serious.
I know some people like to be up front, but you are still being up front by saying you are a woman. I don't want to light any fires of course, gotta be who you gotta be and say what you gotta say. Just opinion.
Quote from: Valerie Elizabeth on September 02, 2012, 09:56:28 PM
Its been a while since I posted here. Probably at least a year.
Recently, I was rejected by a guy because I am trans. I'm post op and have been for a a couple years. I've dated on and off and haven't actually had this issue yet. I was a little surprised by that fact. Every guy I've dated has been ok with it until this one.
I'm not exactly sure why I feel so crummy. I've been rejected before, but never for being trans. I've always expected it to happen, but now that it has I don't know how to process it.
Any advice?
The problem with this, is your trying to get 'inside' this persons way of thinking. Your never going to be able to do it, he might have his own issues that he is battling internally.
Like you said you've never had an issue before, so don't worry about it :-)