I struggle with this A LOT (it is major wall for me) I have only been out in public as 'Emily" only a few small times. I know that for me to progress more into my transition I NEED to get the courage to just go out as myself. I don't think I pass in public so I guess that is my biggest hurdle right now. I am not saying that my goal right now is to be totally stealth because I know that is not a reality for me right now. As I am out normally as a guy (sigh) I don't get Ma'am'd at all, so that is frustrating for me so it makes me question my overall pass-ability. What have you done to over time this fear? Thank You.
-Emily
Hi EmilyMI
What I did was to introduce my new self one small step at a time. I didn't go all out at once because I felt I wouldn't be able to pull it off both mentally and physically. The light-switch transition never made any sense to me. It's much easier to overcome the fear of one small thing at a time than do them all at once, and over time they will all come together to produce the full "Emily" without any awkwardness and anxiety. I started out dressing a little more androgyny, took better care of my skin, grew my hair, some very subtle makeup. After about 6 months of baby steps I presented in a way I could only have dreamed of when I first started out and I felt completely comfortable with it.
Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 10:30:47 AM
Hi EmilyMI
What I did was to introduce my new self one small step at a time. I didn't go all out at once because I felt I wouldn't be able to pull it off both mentally and physically. The light-switch transition never made any sense to me. It's much easier to overcome the fear of one small thing at a time than do them all at once, and over time they will all come together to produce the full "Emily" without any awkwardness and anxiety. I started out dressing a little more androgyny, took better care of my skin, grew my hair, some very subtle makeup. After about 6 months of baby steps I presented in a way I could only have dreamed of when I first started out and I felt completely comfortable with it.
My hair is pretty long actually (past my shoulders) so that helps, my skin I REALLY need to do more with though. I have always had bad skin (dry, cracked looking) and I have been doing a lot to work more with that to help keep my skin better looking. I am using Mary Kay products right now for Moisturizing, and skin repair but so far it is not helping that much honestly. I had laser resurfacing done as well to help with my over all complexion; which did help but I think I have a long ways to go still before I have skin that I can be proud of.
I took much the same approach as MariaMx, starting with longer hair, then clear polish on my nails, then pale pink polish, then neater eyebrows, then a switch to ladies jeans, etc, etc, all over a period 6 to 12 months.
My biggest boost was when I realized that I no longer cared what other people thought about me and that for most people, most of the time, I would never ever see them again. Their opinion of me was irrelevant so I could dress as I please. Once I had that figured out it all started getting easier and dark nail polish made an appearance. So did make up. Ear piercing was soooo good as was starting to wear a bracelet and a necklace. Perfume is a nuisance until you find your own scent that suits you and then it is heavenly.
I love feeling lipstick on my lips and it helps moisturise them because I did not appreciate how much hormones would dry my skin out. Male skin is a lot more oily and sweaty than female skin. Moisturiser and exfoliating can make a huge difference to your skin quality as can laser hair removal or electrolysis.
Now, about 18 months after starting with painted toe nails I am fulltime and comfortable with it.
Just push a little bit each week/month and you get there eventually. It is not a race after all.....
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 11, 2012, 10:59:29 AM
My hair is pretty long actually (past my shoulders) so that helps, my skin I REALLY need to do more with though. I have always had bad skin (dry, cracked looking) and I have been doing a lot to work more with that to help keep my skin better looking. I am using Mary Kay products right now for Moisturizing, and skin repair but so far it is not helping that much honestly. I had laser resurfacing done as well to help with my over all complexion; which did help but I think I have a long ways to go still before I have skin that I can be proud of.
Well, I was only listing the things that I did. Which steps and what route you might take yourself is up to you to define. Alls I know is that going the whole distance in one huge step wouldn't have worked for me at all. Maybe if I had waited for hrt to do it's thing for a year or two it would have been doable, but I still think it would have been very tough to pull it off in one giant leap.
You don't really mention how far along you are in your transition. Getting to the point where you pass and blend may take quiet some time. It did not happen over night for me.
Quote from: brc on September 11, 2012, 11:00:06 AM
My biggest boost was when I realized that I no longer cared what other people thought about me and that for most people, most of the time, I would never ever see them again. Their opinion of me was irrelevant so I could dress as I please.
I totally agree with this. I remember how I once turned around and ran back home having only made it about 50 meters down the street, and I only looked gay at best. After a while I realized that other people weren't the problem, I was. I was the one that felt ashamed of myself. Unless one dresses up in a completely ridiculous getup others will likely not care or not even take notice. Once one is comfortable and carries oneself with confidence one is merely seen as any other person going about their daily life. It's all about getting to the comfort zone.
Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 11:33:04 AM
I totally agree with this. I remember how I once turned around and ran back home having only made it about 50 meters down the street, and I only looked gay at best.
Once when I first dressed, I sat and looked out the window for nearly an hour, sprinted to the car, drove somewhere quiet and sat in the car terrified to get out . So I drove back home and was too scared to get out of the car and walk back to the house. I was convinced that I would stick out like a sore thumb and I was probably correct.
Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 11:33:04 AMAfter a while I realized that other people weren't the problem, I was.
Bingo!
Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 11:33:04 AMUnless one dresses up in a completely ridiculous getup others will likely not care or not even take notice. Once one is comfortable and carries oneself with confidence one is merely seen as any other person going about their daily life. It's all about getting to the comfort zone.
Yes. I will be going out shortly to a busy mall to get the food shopping and I will be wearing ankle boots, flared jeans, a size 12 blouse and a fine-knit cardigan. Necklace, earrings and a bracelet to complete the look and I am ony half-transitioned but
I do not care.
Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 11:20:29 AM
Well, I was only listing the things that I did. Which steps and what route you might take yourself is up to you to define. Alls I know is that going the whole distance in one huge step wouldn't have worked for me at all. Maybe if I had waited for hrt to do it's thing for a year or two it would have been doable, but I still think it would have been very tough to pull it off in one giant leap.
You don't really mention how far along you are in your transition. Getting to the point where you pass and blend may take quiet some time. It did not happen over night for me.
I have been on HRT for close to three years. Honestly HRT has not done a lot for me; at least I do not think so. The only real noticeable change I have seen is with my breast growth. I am seriously looking at FFS early next year; honestly though I wish HRT did a lot more for me then what it has done.
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 11, 2012, 11:44:45 AM
I have been on HRT for close to three years. Honestly HRT has not done a lot for me; at least I do not think so. The only real noticeable change I have seen is with my breast growth. I am seriously looking at FFS early next year; honestly though I wish HRT did a lot more for me then what it has done.
Hmm, I don't know then. I had some bone-issues that hrt didn't take care of but had it sorted out with ffs. It's a bit hard to say where the hrt ended and the ffs began but I went from passing what seemed to me to be some of the time to people that knew me prior to transition thinking I was just a new cis-female friend whenever they would run into me (one even thought I was my own sister). I had only been on hrt for 16 months when I had ffs so I don't know if the bulk changes of hrt were all done. Either way, ffs was extremely effective, so that may very well be your solution.
Btw, behind you in your avatar picture, is that a Holmes HASF2120 Floor Fan?
Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 12:03:25 PM
Hmm, I don't know then. I had some bone-issues that hrt didn't take care of but had it sorted out with ffs. It's a bit hard to say where the hrt ended and the ffs began but I went from passing what seemed to me to be some of the time to people that knew me prior to transition thinking I was just a new cis-female friend whenever they would run into me (one even thought I was my own sister). I had only been on hrt for 16 months when I had ffs so I don't know if the bulk changes of hrt were all done. Either way, ffs was extremely effective, so that may very well be your solution.
Honestly I think that is my solution right now for being able to pass successfully, if not being too personal but may I ask what FFS Doctor you want to? How was our experience? Pre/Post surgery? I already had my consultation with a few Doctors, so far I think that Di. DiMaggio is my best but I am still researching.
Not sure about the fan behind me? The picture was taken at my friends cousins house. Sorry
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 11, 2012, 12:31:36 PM
Honestly I think that is my solution right now for being able to pass successfully, if not being too personal but may I ask what FFS Doctor you want to? How was our experience? Pre/Post surgery? I already had my consultation with a few Doctors, so far I think that Di. DiMaggio is my best but I am still researching.
I went to Suporn. The experience was great. It was my first surgery and the rush of a lifetime. Recovering from ffs was not bad at all pain wise. The operation lasted almost 11 hours so I was pretty out of it the first few days (migraines and vomiting mostly). As usual though the best part was being prepped in the OR. Recovering in the hotel for the next 3 weeks bored me to death. Luckily a friend of mine came all the way from Norway to Thailand to keep me company the second week of my recovery. We went to Pattaya where I ate crocodile meat and scarfed down Bacardi Breezers and Tramadol till I passed out in the hotel room. Good times 8)
It's been almost 8 years since I had ffs and haven't paid much attention to the subject since so don't know much about the surgeons available these days. Back then there really just 3 who would do aggressive forehead bone work.
Quote
Not sure about the fan behind me? The picture was taken at my friends cousins house. Sorry[/font]
Oh don't worry about it. I just assumed a lot of people ask you about the guitar and whether it is a Fender. I just thought I'd try to be different :)
Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 01:08:46 PM
I went to Suporn. The experience was great. It was my first surgery and the rush of a lifetime. Recovering from ffs was not bad at all pain wise. The operation lasted almost 11 hours so I was pretty out of it the first few days (migraines and vomiting mostly). As usual though the best part was being prepped in the OR. Recovering in the hotel for the next 3 weeks bored me to death. Luckily a friend of mine came all the way from Norway to Thailand to keep me company the second week of my recovery. We went to Pattaya where I ate crocodile meat and scarfed down Bacardi Breezers and Tramadol till I passed out in the hotel room. Good times 8)
It's been almost 8 years since I had ffs and haven't paid much attention to the subject since so don't know much about the surgeons available these days. Back then there really just 3 who would do aggressive forehead bone work.
Oh don't worry about it. I just assumed a lot of people ask you about the guitar and whether it is a Fender. I just thought I'd try to be different :)
A
ctually I am awaiting a FFS consultation from Dr. Suporn still, I had to fill out some health information and also sent him some PICS so hopefully within the next week or so I will get something back form him? He seemed optimistic about the results initially but will wait to see what I am needing? From Dr. DiMaggio I need a full FFS so I am sure that the estimate from Dr. Suporn will be pretty similar?
I had a few people ask about the guitar, asking about what I like to play and what not. I WISH I can play, but I am so musically 'challenged' that I don't see me playing guitar anytime soon. So yes nice change up about asking about the fan! :P
P.S. You look stunning in your picture, very feminine and naturally looking.
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 11, 2012, 01:25:26 PM
Actually I am awaiting a FFS consultation from Dr. DiMaggio still, I had to fill out some health information and also sent him some PICS so hopefully within the next week or so I will get something back form him? He seemed optimistic about the results initially but will wait to see what I am needing? From Dr. DiMaggio I need a full FFS so I am sure that the estimate from Dr. Suporn will be pretty similar?
I'm not familiar with Dr. DiMaggio and don't know what Suporn's rates are these days so I really can't say.
Quote
P.S. You look stunning in your picture, very feminine and naturally looking. [/font]
Thank you. (The picture is old and purposely obfuscated so I do look a bit different in real life)
Back to question at the topic start ;)
Quite an interesting question, Emily
After a lot of thought ... How did I do it? ;) I realized, I just did
I went shopping in the largest malls of the major cities near by and I tried to care as less as possible regarding my appearance. And that worked for me.
Quote from: Arike on September 11, 2012, 02:24:26 PM
Back to question at the topic start ;)
Quite an interesting question, Emily
After a lot of thought ... How did I do it? ;) I realized, I just did
I went shopping in the largest malls of the major cities near by and I tried to care as less as possible regarding my appearance. And that worked for me.
So pretty much use that famous Nike saying "Just do it" :P
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 11, 2012, 04:59:08 PM
So pretty much use that famous Nike saying "Just do it" :P
This. I was going to post "just do it" but someone already beat me to it. There's only so much HRT, FFS, etc will do to change your appearance. It won't give you the courage or impetus to leave the house and present yourself how you like to the world. Too many people rely on these and other measures, but when the rubber hits the road, it's down to you getting out there and and simply living.
From your pic I cannot see what problem you have going out and passing.
If it is an issue of nerves, that I can totally relate to. I first started going out to my therapist presenting as female. Well, not exactly my first, 30 years earlier I also considered transitioning. From there it was a short trip to be anonymous in a mall. Later it was going into stores and actually shopping. From there more pedestrian outings.
I had to muster up a LOT of courage the first few times and was hyper vigilant. After a while I began to relax. Even at 6ft tall nobody was paying attention to me. In other words, I was just like any other woman ;D
Hey Emily
I just wanted to chime in here. I wanted to tell you how I started and maybe this can help. I started meeting some trans girls here locally all at varying stages of transition. Some who where just coming out as I was and some girls who have been out for a very long time. I found that being around girls who have been there done that have been able to help me and give me tips and just give me that confidence that I needed.
I remember the very first time I ever went out presenting as a woman. God I was so nervous. I thought the whole world was looking at me and could tell, but after awhile you get less and less nervous and self conscious. I remember the fist thing when I got out of the car was this guy and his wife walked up to me and my friends and asked me for directions. I freaked I didn't know what to do. He had no idea but his wife totally clocked me.Probably because she saw the panic look on my face. Looking back it's quite amusing. I just took a deep breath and gave him directions and he thanked me and went about his business.
It takes practice and patience and after a while you really don't care who is looking at you. I would suggest going some places that are more progressive at first. Places where you would fit in no matter how you present. Just to get the hang of it. Also go and hangout with friends if you can. They will help take your mind off the obvious. It helps really.
I want to say something that I hope doesn't come off the wrong way. I have been able to present and be pretty much passable from day one. The more and more I transition the better I get at it. That being said I get looked at a lot and some times people(well men) stare at women and this can give you a false complex. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you dress to blend in, you blend in. For me I'm very stylish and love to dress very nice. Sometimes this works to my disadvantage. People like to look at pretty women. BTW you look fabulous. Try not to be very hard on yourself. If you lived near me I would totally hang out with ya.
Quote from: JoanneB on September 11, 2012, 05:41:40 PM
From your pic I cannot see what problem you have going out and passing.
(...)
Even at 6ft tall nobody was paying attention to me. In other words, I was just like any other woman ;D
6ft isn't that tall, even wearing 3" heels I don't get any unusual attention.
And indeed, Emily, you really have good looks, so don't worry!
Well I'm out full time and have no option but to continue. I got my legal name change today and changed my drivers licence, credit card, Medicare card (similar to social security in the USA). Had my hair styled.
I'm out. I'm very confident in myself. I totally and utterly don't care what people think of me. There is no way I can be in stealth, I have a very high public profile job. My co-workers know I have transitioned, going to work in a dress is a bit of a give away as they say. :laugh:
I have had no problems. Be yourself. Be natural, be confident. It is absolutely no ones business what you are doing. It is your life and you can live it. Don't give a damn about people who react, they are nothing and no one.
I get nothing except acceptance and kindness from 99.9% of people. I dress nicely and I act appropriately to my gender. I do not 'drag' it up. I'm a very normal, if exceptionally gorgeous, woman ::). I expect to be treated that way, and I am.
By being confident you can face anything. And every day you go out with the confident sticker all over you the easier it is, until suddenly you realise that you are you. And it all seems a rather none event. You are a woman, you always have been, so what.
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy James on September 12, 2012, 03:28:57 AM
Well I'm out full time and have no option but to continue. I got my legal name change today
Congratulations! (We need a 'partying' icon)
Quote from: Cindy James on September 12, 2012, 03:28:57 AMBy being confident you can face anything.
Absolutley!
Quote from: Cindy James on September 12, 2012, 03:28:57 AMuntil suddenly you realise that you are you. And it all seems a rather none event. You are a woman, you always have been, so what.
That is the wierdest bit of all. We put all that effort in so that eventually it becomes a non-event. It is a bit like going up one side of a mountain as you journey from M to F and at some point you reach the peak where the dressing, makeup, hair and presentation start to work for you then you slide back down the other side of the mountain letting the make-up go to just lippy and mascara, the nail polish less often, more casual dressing (jeans, sneakers, etc) until suddenly you realise that you look like every other casually dressed woman and no one pays you any heed at all.
Hormones are good, but there is no transition drug as effective as confidence. It is the best...
Quote from: brc on September 12, 2012, 03:43:50 AM
Congratulations! (We need a 'partying' icon)
Absolutley!
That is the wierdest bit of all. We put all that effort in so that eventually it becomes a non-event. It is a bit like going up one side of a mountain as you journey from M to F and at some point you reach the peak where the dressing, makeup, hair and presentation start to work for you then you slide back down the other side of the mountain letting the make-up go to just lippy and mascara, the nail polish less often, more casual dressing (jeans, sneakers, etc) until suddenly you realise that you look like every other casually dressed woman and no one pays you any heed at all.
Hormones are good, but there is no transition drug as effective as confidence. It is the best...
Very well said. I think people sometimes expect fireworks and flags. About 50% of the world are female the other 50% are male. You are female and expect some razzmatazz, sorry, you get what the rest of what woman get.
To be totally facetious, you get to queue for the loo.
If you expected a lot more then I'm sorry, you may have been hoping for a fantasy and not reality. I'm 'just' a woman. Thank Goddess because there was no way I was a man. And that is what I'm happy about.
I don't mean any of the above or any of my comments rudely; but once you sort of accept that you are a normal woman, well it just fits into place. There are no issues. There is no great acceptance thing. You are you. I'm me.
I reckon it is exactly the same from the male perspective. Once a guy accepts himself and lives as a guy, well so what? They are just regular guys who do regular guy stuff.
I don't understand it, but who understands guys anyway? Give them a beer and a car in pieces and they are happy for hours. (A joke ;D, they would need more than one beer).
Confidence Sister.
Don't worry it, just live it, and no one will notice.
Hugs
Cindy
I am 6'2" and wear heels up to about 3" no problem. Just stick your boobs out and stride.
I agree that confidence is a very important factor - if you are nervous people will notice.
When I went out en femme the first time I was chock full of confidence and didn't care who saw me (I have no idea where all of that confidence came from). People didn't even notice or look at me all night.
The second time I went out en femme I was far less confident and I did notice some people glancing at me.
Take baby steps and only do what you are comfortable with. Go to safe places and remember the safety rules for women.
Quote from: Reagan on September 11, 2012, 05:58:53 PM
Hey Emily
I just wanted to chime in here. I wanted to tell you how I started and maybe this can help. I started meeting some trans girls here locally all at varying stages of transition. Some who where just coming out as I was and some girls who have been out for a very long time. I found that being around girls who have been there done that have been able to help me and give me tips and just give me that confidence that I needed.
I remember the very first time I ever went out presenting as a woman. God I was so nervous. I thought the whole world was looking at me and could tell, but after awhile you get less and less nervous and self conscious. I remember the fist thing when I got out of the car was this guy and his wife walked up to me and my friends and asked me for directions. I freaked I didn't know what to do. He had no idea but his wife totally clocked me.Probably because she saw the panic look on my face. Looking back it's quite amusing. I just took a deep breath and gave him directions and he thanked me and went about his business.
It takes practice and patience and after a while you really don't care who is looking at you. I would suggest going some places that are more progressive at first. Places where you would fit in no matter how you present. Just to get the hang of it. Also go and hangout with friends if you can. They will help take your mind off the obvious. It helps really.
I want to say something that I hope doesn't come off the wrong way. I have been able to present and be pretty much passable from day one. The more and more I transition the better I get at it. That being said I get looked at a lot and some times people(well men) stare at women and this can give you a false complex. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you dress to blend in, you blend in. For me I'm very stylish and love to dress very nice. Sometimes this works to my disadvantage. People like to look at pretty women. BTW you look fabulous. Try not to be very hard on yourself. If you lived near me I would totally hang out with ya.
Hello Reagan,
Thanks for all the information. this helps out a lot actually. I just need to stop dwelling on what might people think honestly. When I am out and about, doubtful anyone will say anything to me at all. When I was out at a TG club a few months ago though in the Detroit area, we stopped at a gas station and she actually went out to pump gas. I remember this one guy kept on yelling to her saying "That is a guy, That is a guy" over and over again. She was a bit upset about it but she has thicker skin then what I do. I guess that really is what scares me the most is if people do that to me? I might take the steps though is just going out a bit at a time, either go grocery shopping or to a local mall? also I think going to local TG community meetings will help me greatly. Anything to help just build up my over all self confidence. I admit though that my nerves get the better of me most of the time but I know that I NEED to do this if I ever want to transition further and eventually go full time. Again I appreciate all the information and I will defiantly take it all to heart! /Hugs
-Emily
I have this CD friend of mine and when she comes to town we usually go out to a club her locally. It's a LGBT club that has drag shows. It's very entertaining. She is a very tall girl probably 6'5" 6'7" with hair and heals and she doesn't care one bit. She dresses to the nines and flaunts it like nobody's business. She gets her makeup professionally done and she looks great. When we get to the club she gets all the looks and she feels that she is the center of attention. Some times people think she is one of the acts. Anyway my friend has given me a great deal of confidence. Her just knowing and acting like is is the stuff. Sometimes this carries out into the regular public. People will come up to us and start talking to her and tell her how great she looks. So sometimes the people you surround yourself with can give you the extra bit that you need.
Then there are times I just want to blend in to the background. I usually can get away with this pretty well. I'm a taller person at 5'11" so sometimes it's a challenge. I have a very athletic build so I can pull off that soccer mom look pretty well. Know your strengths and weakness and pay on them. That's what cis girls do. Not all of us are super model's so we have to know how to make ourselves look the best we can with what we've got.
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 12, 2012, 09:10:54 AMWhen I was out at a TG club a few months ago though in the Detroit area, we stopped at a gas station and she actually went out to pump gas. I remember this one guy kept on yelling to her saying "That is a guy, That is a guy" over and over again.
OK - he was a rude redneck, but often did this happen to her? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month? Once a year? Was she very unpassable? Did she have a deep male voice? Was he an ex-friend who wanted to make her life difficult?
What I am saying is you need to have perspective on this. You might have witnessed a rare event and then decided that this is likely to happen to you and then anxiety has inflated it to a possible daily event.
I have had one similar incident in 2 years. I may not be typical or I may be. I have no idea. Maybe I live somewhere tremendously accepting and your friend does not?
All you can do is live your life and judge what happens to you in your environment. Do not let what happens to other people intimidate you unless there is a consistent pattern that you can be sure of. If trans-folk get murdered twice a week in your city then you would be well advised to move because there is a pattern of recurrent violence, but be careful that you do not mistake one or two incidents as being the norm.
Only you can judge it for yourself - I am just saying to be aware of how common or otherwise such things are.
Quote from: brc on September 12, 2012, 12:27:33 PM
OK - he was a rude redneck, but often did this happen to her? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month? Once a year? Was she very unpassable? Did she have a deep male voice? Was he an ex-friend who wanted to make her life difficult?
What I am saying is you need to have perspective on this. You might have witnessed a rare event and then decided that this is likely to happen to you and then anxiety has inflated it to a possible daily event.
I have had one similar incident in 2 years. I may not be typical or I may be. I have no idea. Maybe I live somewhere tremendously accepting and your friend does not?
All you can do is live your life and judge what happens to you in your environment. Do not let what happens to other people intimidate you unless there is a consistent pattern that you can be sure of. If trans-folk get murdered twice a week in your city then you would be well advised to move because there is a pattern of recurrent violence, but be careful that you do not mistake one or two incidents as being the norm.
Only you can judge it for yourself - I am just saying to be aware of how common or otherwise such things are.
My friend is a Cross Dresser, she does have a pretty hevy voice and IMO does not pass well. I honestly do not know how often she gets 'clocked' like that since she really only goes out as herself when going to a TG/CD Club.
When I am out, I will try not to dwell on this too much since I know that eventually something like this will probably happen to me. I can't let that stop me from being me and just being happy. I know I am my worst own self critic, trust me I am more then aware of this and something that I do need to work on a lot more and just trust what other say about me being passable NOW - not later.....
Thanks :-D
-Emily
I had something very similar happen to me once. I had completely forgotten about it until I read this just now. Just thinking about it makes me angry and depressed. I've always wondered why people do such things. Are they evil, or are they just stupid? What purpose does it serve? Do they not know they are causing pain to others? I just don't get it.
Quote from: MariaMx on September 12, 2012, 02:17:41 PM
I had something very similar happen to me once. I had completely forgotten about it until I read this just now. Just thinking about it makes me angry and depressed. I've always wondered why people do such things. Are they evil, or are they just stupid? What purpose does it serve? Do they not know they are causing pain to others? I just don't get it.
Both you and me girl, I wish I knew as well. People, in general, do not think about how this type of ridicule can affect someone in such a negative way. A lot I think stems from totally being uneducated/ignorant on people who are transgendered.
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 12, 2012, 02:05:37 PM
My friend is a Cross Dresser, she does have a pretty hevy voice and IMO does not pass well. I honestly do not know how often she gets 'clocked' like that since she really only goes out as herself when going to a TG/CD Club.
Most of the cross-dressers I know are not interested in being women and so they usually project male mannerisms or grossly exaggerated female ones and thus get clocked.
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 12, 2012, 02:05:37 PM
When I am out, I will try not to dwell on this too much since I know that eventually something like this will probably happen to me.
Of course it will. It happens to GGs as well.
Quote from: EmilyMI on September 12, 2012, 02:05:37 PM
I can't let that stop me from being me and just being happy. I know I am my worst own self critic, trust me I am more then aware of this and something that I do need to work on a lot more and just trust what other say about me being passable NOW - not later.....
How do you know that you are not passable now? You say that "
eventually something like this will probably happen to me." which means it is not happening now. In your picture you are very passable.
One other thing to remember is that 'passing' is a temporary thing. At some stage you become female mentally as well as physically and when that happens you define female because you
are female. Passing is irrelevant at that point.