So, I have to ask. Did you guys get your name changed before or after you started hormones? Legally, I mean. Were you completely dressing as a male before hormones? I've been on hormones a week now, and I dress as male as much as possible (too poor to buy a whole new wardrobe, so I stick with t-shirts and shorts). I'm not sure when I'll be able to legally change my name, but my friends all refer to me as Simon. My classes are all online and I don't have a job at the moment (unfortunately), so I didn't see any reason to change it at this moment, other than the obvious reasons of feeling more like myself.
Ok, I am a very new to this whole thing transguy. Just to say there are no laws on this. You don't ever have to do anything at all-- medically transition in any way.
Unless you live in a much more conservative place than I do, almost nobody has given me even a sidelong glance even though I dress in a completely male way. You don't need T for this at all. (Of course, I don't usually pass either, though I confuse quite a few people, which isn't my intention, but I don't mind if that's all I can do.) My friends and even some of my enemies call me by my chosen rather than given name. My chosen name is androgynous. I don't ask for the pronouns as the only place it makes sense is at work. I am not actually "out" there.
Strangely my underwear cost more than most of my clothes as everythign else is from the thrift store. However, it has taken more than a little trial and error.
I am currently thinking about T. I am also in gender therapy, which is helping me sort the whole mess out. I actually am thinking of doing a legal name change when I have more time. As an adult there are so many things to change, seems like it will take awhile. If there is a trans center or lgbt center near you that has groups, this can be great.
So to answer your question directly it might be like this for me: dress; informal name change; gender therapy (though I am not too concerned re: a "T letter" I am thinking I might go towards informed consent anyway); formal name change/T.
--Jay J
I didn't buy an entire new wardrobe at all. I couldn't afford it, and even if I could, I'm cheap. I wore my old clothes until they disintegrated and then replaced them slowly with men's clothing. I still have women's underwear and socks though - those are hanging on strong. Once they melt into nothing, I'll probably switch over.
I went into therapy, dressed pretty andro, always had my hair short so that wasn't an issue, and then got on hormones. I still haven't changed my name and likely won't for a long time. I'm living abroad, so I would have to change my passport, Resident Card, re-register with the Japanese government just to name a few so it isn't worth the hassle, not to mention Japan would likely make it one heck of a pain (beaurocracy moves so slowly here). When I do change my name, I probably won't go back and change my diplomas or anything, since I have no plans to erase that part of my life. I also won't have my gender marker changed for a while since I am legally married.
So, I got my hormones, am slowly changing my clothing still (though most things are unisex aside from underwear), and am wanting top surgery late next year. Other than that, I have no real order I'm going with.
Remember: it's your journey, your story and you can take it at your own pace and whatever makes you feel comfortable.
I always dressed in male clothing, and started T about 2 months ago and just recently changed my name, at the moment I am filling out paperwork for my gender market change I really hope it gets approved before Christmas, a new drivers licence would be a great gift to myself
I wore exclusively male clothing right from puberty (save for those terrible family-pressure occassions), and changed my name legally a year before starting hormones. I have yet to change my gender on most paperwork though.
for me it was:
1, dressing as male,
2, name change,
3, homones,
4, top-surgery
I started using male clothing a year ago. I'm going to change my name and start homons as soon as I can.
I always dressed like a guy, started T last year, and now I'm trying to change my middle name - which is a lengthy and annoying process since I'm under 19. :/
Gender markers on my gov. ID may never be legally changed because I'm not interested in permanently sterilizing myself.
I planned the name change to coincide more or less with the time I'd be passing as male and have to come out at work. You know, about the time where presenting ID that has an F name and an F gender marker might be embarrassing. That was about 3 months into transition. So start looking at what your state requires, because it usually takes a few months to process the paperwork, get court dates, etc.
Jay
I want to get my hair cut first. I only have like a sweatshirt and some sweatpants that I'd feel alright going out in, so I need some new clothes.... Umm...I'm not sure if T will come before or after top surgery, but I'm not ready for either at the moment so I'll figure it out as time goes on. And I'm actually already sorta flat and small, so I think top surgery is something that I can hold off longer. I would like to see a therapist soon. Just to talk about all this and everything, and help me come out to my mum. The legal name change will happen as soon as I've been presenting as how I truly feel long enough. I've decided on my first name, still working on my middle and last.
Ive always dressed male. I legally began the process at 15 i.e seeing my GP, seeing professionals and a gender clinic, all in the hopes of getting on T and top and lower surgery asap.
My friends and everyone (except for my close family at the time) called me by my male name and used male pronouns, so, I didnt at the time feel the NEED to legally change the name yet, since it would cost and I was poor as hell.
However, I was then given the ok to start T. I had proof of having worked from the age of 15 as male, and stealth, BUT I was not allowed to actually start taking T untill I had officially changed my name. So, this delayed T by about 2 months (which is nothing now, but at the time it felt like another year had been added).
So, while for some people it seems you can do things in whatever order, is feasible, some places have you jump through specific hoops to get to the next step, and no shortcuts.
So if whereever you are, may have this in place (that a name change is part of you RLE) then you may aswell do it now if you can. Aslong as there is no reason like family stopping you or lack of funds, I say you might aswell change your name, you might aswell do all you can now, to help things later. Or else its just another thing to be completed later.
So for me the order went:
- Always dressed male
- Went by male name
- RLE
- Legally changed my name
- T
- Top surgery
- Lower surgery
Not changing your name could count against you in your RLE, so could delay everything else.
my order is/was:
dress completely as male/get binder Early 2009
start hormone blockers late 2009
start paperwork for name change early 2010
start testosterone mid 2010
complete name change mid 2010
enter high school as male September 2010
have top surgery mid 2011
start/complete gender change paperwork September 2011
pack daily mid 2012
Quote from: Make_It_Good on October 06, 2012, 11:43:25 AM
Not changing your name could count against you in your RLE, so could delay everything else.
This might be the first time I have ever seen RLE (real life experience) refers to living as a male, in the ftm group. I have never seen anyone actually doing this as a test. It seems like almost all of them (except for the younger guys) going on T first. Many of us could NOT live as male without T, as no one would treat us male if not on T. The best I can see is sometimes people aren't sure. I did see a video on the a ftm guy in the UK and they required this. Don't know how old the video was. And the guy was very young. Also I see many people doing this gradually. They are male first in certain circumstances and times. I do not plan on coming out as male at work ever, I retire at the end of the school year, so I don't see the point. Teaching, despite the school being required to accommodate me legally, is a very conservative profession.
BTW, I didn't put top surgery. I see myself as going on T first.
Also RS mentioned hormone blockers. That's because he transitioned very young. Isn't needed otherwise, I thought this might be confusing to some people.
--Jay J
yea, forgot to mention the Jay J, thanks!
Quote from: aleon515 on October 06, 2012, 02:51:01 PM
This might be the first time I have ever seen RLE (real life experience) refers to living as a male, in the ftm group. I have never seen anyone actually doing this as a test. It seems like almost all of them (except for the younger guys) going on T first. Many of us could NOT live as male without T, as no one would treat us male if not on T. The best I can see is sometimes people aren't sure. I did see a video on the a ftm guy in the UK and they required this. Don't know how old the video was. And the guy was very young. Also I see many people doing this gradually. They are male first in certain circumstances and times. I do not plan on coming out as male at work ever, I retire at the end of the school year, so I don't see the point. Teaching, despite the school being required to accommodate me legally, is a very conservative profession.
BTW, I didn't put top surgery. I see myself as going on T first.
Also RS mentioned hormone blockers. That's because he transitioned very young. Isn't needed otherwise, I thought this might be confusing to some people.
--Jay J
Yeah, about RLE, my clinic (but clinics across the UK are all different) seemed very strict in following certain procedures. I think they were lenient in some cases, i.e if someone really wouldnt pass at all without T, they may allow them to start a few months into the RLE, but they wanted proof that you had lived full time. And this full time, they only consider to have started from when you are first seen at this clinic, regardless of what boxes youve ticked outside of their care, (atleast, this was how it was when I was initially being seen). Also, I
was under 20 when they saw me, so they held to their strict policies to make sure they could guarantee I wasnt going through a phase I guess.
I could have gone on T at 15/16 if Id had the money to go private, but couldnt afford it, so had to take this route. But, as hard as it was, I came out happier the other end and it was worth it :p
---I've dressed male ever since I can remember (well okay once I was finally allowed to pick out my own clothes). I was ALWAYS stealing my brother's stuff when we were younger and my mom used to get SO pissed lol.
---Chopped all of my hair off
---Started Gender Therapy
---Came Out
---Started Binding
---Started going by my male name
---Legally changed my name and updated all of my paperwork
---Started T
---Top surgery set for May of next year.
I'm going in the awkward order.
Came out in mid-late 2005
Started wearing boy/men's clothes almost exclusively in 1997
Started binding almost daily in 2005/2006
Started therapy in 2006...which is also when I quit therapy.
Socially transitioned with friends in...2006/2007
Started testosterone in Nov 2010
Have not had surgery (don't intend on it right now), have not had my name or gender marker changed yet.
Save for a few instances where my mom stuck me in girl clothes as a child, I've been wearing male clothes my whole life. I also had short hair most of my life (the longer hair is a more recent thing really).
Never did a name change though I was on T for a very short period of time. Not on anything now. I may do a name change at some point, but it's a lot of problem and my name isn't really something that bothers me a lot.
I would love to get chest surgery but I'm really kind of personally anti-surgery. If I could just snap my fingers and do it I would in a heartbeat though.
So I'm not really transitioning to anything. I'm just exploring better ways to be ok with parts of myself.
I've dressed in guys clothes, had short hair and bound for forever. When I decided to transition I started with therapy(which turned out to be pointless cuz I did informed consent anyways but it only took like 2 months so it wasn't that bad). I did the official name change before I got the hormones but it was because I had to wait like a month for an appointment with the doctor I wanted and the name change was quicker. Even though the name change was already official I didn't ask anyone to start calling me it until the day I started the hormones. I decided it made the most sense because I felt like people would take it more seriously if I was taking hormones then just doing a name change. Also, then I could ask people to switch pronouns. Essentially I figured I'd do it all at once, the less times I have to tell people things the better.
Wow, so many responses! I'm so glad I got to read all of your experiences. When I first came out to my friends and coworkers, I told them, call me Simon, but still she/her/hers. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to start on hormones for a while, and like a lot of you have said, I Was still wearing female clothes--not enough money to buy new ones. I didn't want customers to be uncomfortable when my coworkers said, "Go to Simon, he can help you" and they would be looking around for a guy. I still wear panties (only own a few pair of briefs/boxers), and my wardrobe mostly consists of mens shorts and t-shirts. I have a binder, but it is wayyyyyyyy to tight, I bought the wrong size. That being said, I only wear it if I'm hanging out with friends or something. If I'm just running to the post office or to pick up some dinner or something, I don't bother with it. I know this will be challenging when I have facial hair and breasts (or a deep voice and breasts, whatever), but like I said, my classes are online, I don't have a job to worry about presenting myself one way or another, so I'm not too concerned.
The times and dates are way interesting. So here goes:
April 2012 started reading about trans stuff due to story on the news. Identified as genderqueer. Joined Susan's. Came out to some friends as genderqueer.
May: Got vaguely male haircut and dressed more male.
June: Went to trans center and started in groups. Started dressing as male, including underwear.
July: started gender therapy.
Aug: Introduced myself as ____ at work. Had people call me this. Came out as trans to quite a number of people.
Sep.: Got male haircut. Started referring to myself as ftm vs genderqueer.
I sort of see myself as starting T in March.
Top surgery 2014 or 15??
I see why they call this the "trans train" or the "trans track".
--Jay J
Well, I think I refused to shop in the women's department as a pre-teen and as a little kid, I enjoyed the comforts of unisex 90s clothing, so I've been dressing male my whole life really, underwear and all.
Now, since finally coming out to myself last December, my process has pretty much been limited to being out to my friends and enjoying a male name and pronouns when in their presence. I told my parents via letter that I've asked all my friends to do this, but it pretty much ends there, as I am the master of postponing difficult conversations.
In the future, the plan is as follows (and this is standardized care where I live):
1. See a gender therapist and start living full time as male, facebook name change and all.
2. Start HRT, usually 6 months into RLE.
3. Legal name and gender change after 1 year on hormones (laws prevent this from happening any earlier, sucks, but I'll have to live with female identification for a bit.)
4. Top surgery.
Actually, 3 and 4 could be switched around, but that's pretty much the plan and timeline for me.
QuoteDid you guys get your name changed before or after you started hormones? Legally, I mean.
After.
QuoteWere you completely dressing as a male before hormones?
Yes.
I have a couple of complications due to being in the UK.
Firstly, I am unable to change my name without my husband's consent. Under UK law, neither party to a marriage can change their name without the consent of the other.
Secondly, I can't afford to go private so I'm at the mercy of the NHS. Whilst I'm thankful for this financially, the downside is that I have relatively little say in the order of my transition as it has to be done according to their pathway and timescales.
Thirdly, and here's the doozy, under UK law my husband and I MUST dissolve our marriage if I apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate.
I'm pre-everything at the moment. I've seen my GP & local mental health team to get a diagnosis of GD. I'm waiting for the Gender Clinic to offer me an appointment, but when they do I want to start on T as soon as possible. Then I'll want top surgery ASAP, followed by bottom. I'll legally change my name somewhere around going on T, but I've already been using my chosen name in public for a couple of months now.
I've been dressing in male clothing since I was about 5 or 6, but it's only in the past year that I've completely given up wearing women's clothing and started binding. My mother used to dress me in pretty little dresses when I was little; I faced a hellacious battle with her to be allowed to wear boys' clothes and cut my hair short. And when I was a kid, I always used to try to convince the boys in the neighbourhood that I was a boy, and it would work great until my brother would say to them "you do realise that's my sister, don't you?". Thanks, bro!
I'm in a similar position to FTMDiaries (though I'm single) and as Make_It_Good was earlier in his transition. I'm in the UK, on an NHS waiting list for an appointment at my local Gender Clinic. In the meantime, I've begun my real life experience, partly because I'm hoping it will make the process of getting hormones smoother once I get my appointment, and partly because I just couldn't wait - I was so unhappy living as I was. So I've changed my name and have more-or-less informed all the necessary parties of the change - the day I got my new Driver's License was MINT - and I've come out to everyone I know. I'm living as male full-time - the only snag is, I only pass about half of the time :o :( :-X Hormones will hopefully fix that, though!
So I suppose my order is:
Started dressing as male part-time once puberty hit
Made a disastrous attempt at being a lesbian for several years, often dressing as male and occasionally binding
Freaked out and made an even more disastrous attempt at living as a feminine woman for two years
Finally admitted to myself that I'm transsexual, had a drastic haircut and started dressing as male full-time (two years ago)
Asked my GP to refer me to the Gender Clinic (a year ago)
Changed my name by Deed Poll (two months ago)
And the plan from now is:
Speak to a counsellor at the Gender Clinic
Get the go-ahead for hormones, and start T
Request top-surgery as soon as they'll let me get on the waiting list
When that's all healed, request bottom surgery and get on the waiting list for that.
So much waiting. But the British do love queuing, I guess. :-\
Some days I feel frustrated at the arse-backwards-ness of the need to come out before starting T, and all of the waiting. Other days I think, maybe it's a positive thing - it forces one to reflect on each stage of transition before moving on to the next, gives you time to adjust, and get comfortable with each change. When I'm done, at least I'll know that though it was a long, hard road, I made all of the right decisions, with as much thought as possible behind each and every one.
FTMDiaries, I had no idea that you had to get the consent of your spouse before a name change here - wow. I did know about having to dissolve one's marriage if you apply for the Gender Recognition Certificate, though. I'm so sorry to hear you're having to go through that. It really brings home, too, how baffling, nonsensical and unfair the marriage laws are here. We allow an individual to marry another. Then suddenly we say - oh, sorry, you're not really allowed to be married now. Why? Because the nature of the relationship has changed? Because one partner has betrayed the other or turned out to be an axe murderer? No - because we've legally recognised one partner's true gender. It shreds the arguments of Gay Marriage opponents to pieces, really, I guess. Because we've already allowed men to marry men, and women to marry women. Only at the time, the law said that one of the men was a woman, or one of the women was a man. I'm going to stop. I'm confusing myself now. :P
My order is going:
1. started hormones on 2/18/2012
2. Name change in either January or February
3. Top Surgery
I don't plan on bottom surgery.
Here's my comments on the "living full-time" thing.
I actually can't imagine "living full-time" until I start T. I have a job complication first of all. I am out as my chosen name, which is androgynous but only a few people know I am trans. It is a public school. I am leaving after the year is over but I think transitioning mid-year would be very complicated. It is against the law to actually discriminate. But there are laws and how people actually act.
The other is without T I would never pass. I am over the age I can look like a teenager. I don't know how they really expect this in the UK. Sounds like a gatekeeper game.
I could change my name but plan to do this when I have more time. Sounds time consuming to say the least.
BTW, I am going to a ftm support group which is great. I don't find a lot of the guys even talk about this. Yes they talk about being accepted as male by peers and so on, but I don't hear anything about the f-t thing. Many of them are on T, but haven't been on that long.
--Jay J
Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 12, 2012, 09:53:59 AM
I have a couple of complications due to being in the UK.
Firstly, I am unable to change my name without my husband's consent. Under UK law, neither party to a marriage can change their name without the consent of the other.
As far as I can make out this isn't the case. It says nowhere on the deed poll website that your husband has to give permission, it even says that "Separated women (who took their husband's surname upon marriage) often believe they have to wait until their divorce is finalised before they can revert to their maiden name. This is incorrect. A separated woman has the right to change her surname at any time. Therefore, if you are separated and do not wish to be known by your husband's surname, you can revert to your maiden name (or to a new name entirely) by Deed Poll... you can also take the opportunity to make changes to your forename(s) if you wish e.g. change, add or remove your first and/or middle names." Different topic there I know, but in the eyes of the law the women they're referencing are still married to their husbands and they didn't need permission. I can't see why just because you and your husband are still together he automatically gets a say in it, so I'd look further into that if I were you.
As for me... I'm not too sure where things are heading, but:
May 2011 -- Discovered I was trans.
Winter 2011 -- Came out to parents, had one or two visits to my GP vaguely mentioning it.
Early 2012 -- Stopped visits to hide under the radar so that my shrink would finally leave me alone.
hopefullyLeave college
Name change (Don't want to do it before, I've finally found people that I can call friends and I don't want to jeopardise that and become lonely and friendless like my parents.)
Be old enough to be seen my the nearest GIC (Just discovered it's outside of our council funded area, which will worries me as it will potentially cause huge issues with NHS funding, they refused point blank to let me see any councillors outside of our council area even though the only one who was apparently high enough to see me with was being gleeful at making me angry, upset, and in a much worse place than I was before I went in. Eventually they agreed to let me see an adult mental health worker, but I fell off their raydar and it took 3 months for them to realise -result!-)
Get on T
Top surgery
Bottom surgery is probably a no for me, the thought of any surgery that requires being under general anesthetic terrifies me half to death, especially messing around down there. Top surgery I could probably cope with, although I'd do my best to have it filmed just so I can check what they did -- I'm completely paranoid of being incapacitated around people. It doesn't feel like a huge necessity for me, but if that changes then it changes.
I started dressing more neutral and chopped off most of my hair some time before I decided to go through with my transition. I started buying all male clothing from the day I came out to my doc, and thus gradually replaced everything in my wardrobe. I was wearing all male clothing a while before going full time, but I doubt anyone really noticed the change. Anywhoo, lemme make a proper list so I don't ramble myself lost.
1. Dressed androgynously, cut my hair shorter
2. Came out to doc/some immediate family, was referred to gender clinic
3. Dressed all male
4. Came out to rest of immediate family
5. Gave mother permission to tell the rest of the family (the poor woman was bursting.. :p )
6. Came out at work
7. Official name change
8. Testosterone
9. On waiting list for hysterectomy/top surgery, whichever comes first
Quote from: Clive on October 12, 2012, 03:01:11 PM
Some days I feel frustrated at the arse-backwards-ness of the need to come out before starting T, and all of the waiting. Other days I think, maybe it's a positive thing - it forces one to reflect on each stage of transition before moving on to the next, gives you time to adjust, and get comfortable with each change. When I'm done, at least I'll know that though it was a long, hard road, I made all of the right decisions, with as much thought as possible behind each and every one.
Thats a good point of view to take. I wish Id attempted to be more positive, atleast earlier in the process as I was just depressed and negative! :p
I think mind over matter helps keep a helpful and focused mind though. Now I try to look at the hardships as something to strengthen me by. Maybe thats what the NHS think too Haha :p
FTMdiaries - Im in the process of getting my GRC (well, I would have had it done last year, but I keep putting of the Stat Dec bit! I hate facing people I have to tell :p) and I read the part about married couples. That would suck, as if it isnt hard enough for people to go through already!
I didnt realize that you had to have your partner's permission to change your name by deed poll, but I guess I can see why they would put rules around that. :/
Alex000000, Clive and Make_It_Good: Yes, I was pretty shocked myself to find that married people need our spouse's permission to change our name by Deed Poll. By the way, there are special rules surrounding name changes due to marriage and divorce, which is why it's possible for a woman to change name so easily (all I had to do was to wave my marriage certificate under people's noses).
This is what I read on the Royal Courts of Justice's website:
WHOSE PERMISSION DO I NEED?
If you are married you need the written consent of your husband or wife. If a minor is changing their name, then you need the written consent from all parties involved. The Birth Mother and Father, and new partner (if applicable). All of those people who have "Parental Responsibility" for you.
So it would also appear that a minor would need the consent of both their birth parents and their step-parents - am I reading that right? If so, that means some people would need the permission of three or four people to change their name, which increases the possibility of somebody saying 'no'. Sheesh!